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102 Ron Swanson Quotes That’ll Enlighten You On All Things Life

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Ronald Ulysses Swanson is probably the manliest man that has ever manned on our or any other planet ever. His aim to make government less efficient and a fervent disregard for any public interaction rang close to home to many viewers. His love for woodworking, breakfast food, and nautical literature strummed on the heartstrings of even more of them. And his deadpan humor and stereotypically masculine character made him one of the most beloved personas in the world of situation comedy series. Although mister Swanson wasn’t one to spill his thoughts in an endless stream of words, once he did open his mouth, the phrases would just knock you out cold. And yeah, we went to the lengths of gathering the most impressive ones into an article and are presenting to you our thorough compendium of Ron Swanson quotes.

These relatable quotes will definitely speak volumes of Ron’s character - they are straight to the point, blunt, and without any space for interpretation. His cool quotes tell it exactly how it is, and this is a quality we could all presumably have a bit more of. And although Ron might seem made of stone - an unyielding Man with a capital M - his softer side does shine through, however rarely. Then his beautiful quotes speak about love, friendship, and such camaraderie we should all strive to experience. No other character in the Parks And Recreation series is both as complex and as simple as Ron, and that’s exactly why we like him so much!

So, get ready for the best Ron Swanson quotes just a smidgen down further. His wise words will enlighten you on the matters of life, love, and breakfast foods - all of the most important things for any human being. Be sure to vote for the most inspiring quotes and share this article with your friends afterward!

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#1

Ron Swanson standing in front of the camera “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”

61points

Pan.D.Mona 2 years ago

This!

4points

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#2

“Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars.”

54points

Booklover<3 2 years ago

I love fro yo ❤️

1point

#3

“When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”

52points

Cheyanne Pavan 2 years ago

Sounds like a good strategy!

5points

#4

Ron Swanson with a sleeping mask “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He’s a grown man. And fishing’s not that hard.”

50points

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#5

“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.”

48points

Cheyanne Pavan 2 years ago

Agreed. Skim milk sucks.

4points

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#6

Ron Swanson looking straight “Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.”

48points

Cheyanne Pavan 2 years ago

I think he's onto something here. The true mark of an idiot is when one says 110%.

7points

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#7

“One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn’t deserve it.”

46points

Dick Sawkins 2 years ago

Recommended: In Person NOT recommended: Online. Say no to cancel culture.

0points

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#8

"Live your life how you want, but don’t confuse drama with happiness."

45points

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#9

Ron Swanson standing in a vegan grocery store "There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food."

41points

Evie Denen 2 years ago

Very wise

4points

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#10

“Metaphors? I hate metaphors. That’s why my favorite book is Moby Dick. No frufu symbolism, just a good simple tale about a man who hates an animal.”

41points

Dubnaught 2 years ago

As an English teacher, this one cracks me up. No way he slogged through all that just for the whale hunting

7points

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#11

Ben Wyatt: “You know, you are a wonderful guy, and I admire many things about you, but you are a terrible person to discuss personal problems with.”

Ron: “Thank you friend, that really means a lot to me.”

40points

Katherine Stevens 2 years ago

Classic Ron! 🤣

0points

#12

Ron Swanson camping “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.”

38points

#13

"Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?" "I have an uncle who does yoga."

37points

Joshua David 2 years ago

I can't with this lol. I'm that uncle and I LOVE RON!!!

2points

#14

“Is Star Wars the one with the wizard boy?”

37points

J Rob 2 years ago

Anakin Potter

19points

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#15

Ron Swanson talking with a waiter “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait… I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”

35points

Evie Denen 2 years ago

This is me 100%

5points

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#16

“I love being a father but there are a few things I miss: Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by the sounds of a children’s program called Doc McStuffins. There is no quiet anymore. There is only Doc McStuffins.”

35points

#17

Ron: “And I’ll have the number eight.”

Server: “That’s a party platter, it serves twelve people.”

Ron: “I know what I’m about son.”

35points

Katherine Stevens 2 years ago

Right

0points

#18

Ron Swanson talking and eating a bacon Leslie: “Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?”

Ron: “People are idiots, Leslie.”

34points

#19

"I like Tom. He doesn’t do a lot of work around here. He shows zero imitative. He’s not a team player. He’s never wanted to go that extra mile. Tom is exactly what I’m looking for in a government employee."

34points

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#20

Ron Swanson talking “What religion am I? Well I am practicing none of your damn business.”

34points

#21

“If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.”

33points

Leslie Mint 2 years ago

This one is not good reaching out for help when you need it is healthy What he said right here is not.

-2points

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#22

Ann Perkins: “You’re stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing that you bring with you?”

Ron Swanson: “Silence.”

33points

Della 2 years ago

Bacon and eggs??

1point

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#23

“Leslie, my first wife Tammy, tried throwing me a surprise birthday party. When I saw my friends hiding through the window, I drove to a gas station, called the cops, and told ’em people had broken into my home. I’m not big on surprises.”

32points

Dubnaught 2 years ago

This was hard to read at first. Tammy is doing the trying. There should be no pause between the subject and the verb without an independent clause in between. This makes it seem like Lesie tried throwing the surprise while also being Tammy, Ron's first wife.

3points

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#24

Ron Swanson looking angry “The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.”

30points

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#25

“I’d wish you the best of luck but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak to explain their failures.”

29points

B Lorax 2 years ago

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#26

"Capitalism is the only way… It makes America great, England OK and France terrible.”

29points

#27

Ron Swanson explaining Pyramid of Greatness “Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”

27points

#28

“You had me at ‘Meat Tornado.’”

27points

Evie Denen 2 years ago

You also had me at 'Meat Tornado'

2points

#29

“The Human Resources department requires that I be available once a month to discuss workplace disputes with my employees. The rules do not specify whether or not I am allowed to listen to Willie Nelson on my headphones.”

27points

B Lorax 2 years ago

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#30

Ron Swanson being unsatisfied “Barbecues should be about one thing: good shared meat.”

26points

#31

[Ron does not subscribe to the new world of social media, and being on the grid.] “Food is for eating, places are for being. End of discussion.”

26points

#32

“Fishing is for sport only. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”

25points

#33

Ron Swanson talking with Ben Wyatt “Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.”

25points

#34

“I have a hernia. I’ve had it for a while, and I’ve been ignoring it successfully. But uh, this morning, I made the mistake of sneezing. But as long as I sit still and don’t move my head or torso, I’m good. I got this.”

25points

Samantha Rivenburg 2 years ago

Sounds like my dad

3points

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#35

“I’m impressed with Andy, pulling himself up by his bootstraps. Reminds me of a young me. I got my first job when I was nine working at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks I was running the floor. Child Labor Laws are ruining this country.”

25points

#36

Ron Swanson being angry “I have never lied about anything in my life. Though, I suppose you could construe camouflage as a lie.”

25points

#37

“I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.”

25points

#38

“On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.”

24points

Della 2 years ago

Yea. I'm betting they fight to get there too.

0points

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#39

Ron Swanson and sitting in a restaurant "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful."

24points

#40

“This is not government work, as such I treat it with care and attention.”

24points

#41

"I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can just go outside and stand in it."

24points

#42

Ron Swanson is shopping at Food and Stuff store “I love Food and Stuff. It’s where I buy all my food… and most of my stuff.”

24points

#43

[Ron gives a gift to Chris] “The crib I built, I’m giving to you and Ann. It’s perfectly safe. I tested it by hitting it with my truck.”

24points

Asriel Triforce 2 years ago

(The camera pans over to a totally destroyed truck)

1point

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#44

"It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain."

24points

#45

Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope waiting for the waiter to prepare the salad [After being asked if he wants a salad] "Since I am not a rabbit, no I do not."

23points

Sam J 2 years ago

Chris: [Says that it's good for him and gives him some anyways] "Try some, it's good for you." Ron: "Sure thing." [Chris walks away and faces the opposite direction, Ron proceeds to dump the salad back into the bowl and says, "Mm, delicious!"

5points

#46

“I can’t think of anything more noble to go to war over, than bacon and eggs.”

23points

HU BR 2 years ago

A hill to die on!

3points

#47

“Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.”

22points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

**FEARFUL ROMAN NOISES**

0points

#48

Ron Swanson eating a pretzel “Friends: one to three is sufficient.”

22points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

He means seasons of the show right?

-2points

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#49

“When I eat, it is the food that is scared.”

22points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

Scared but also sacred🤷‍♂️

2points

#50

“Strippers do nothing for me… but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.”

22points

Evie Denen 2 years ago

Me too

2points

#51

Ron Swanson with a blue 'Conductor' hat on his head “There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.”

21points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

The lack of the former facilitates the latter

3points

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#52

“Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I’d work all night, if it meant nothing got done.”

21points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

Me too, Ron. Me too.

0points

#53

“Breakfast food can serve many purposes.”

21points

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#54

Ron Swanson protecting his cabin “Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.”

21points

#55

“I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed.”

21points

Evie Denen 2 years ago

I think we all cried when he died 😭

5points

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#56

"Busy? Impossible. I work for the government."

21points

It_is_what_it_is 2 years ago

But aren't they busy screwing people over?

3points

#57

Ron Swanson taking out salads from meat plate in front of the waiter "In my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life."

21points

#58

“I regret nothing. The end.”

21points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

This is how I will end every conversation ever from here on out. I regret nothing. The end.

0points

#59

“I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.”

21points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

Cooooool beans, coo-oo-ool bea-bea-ea-ns! Cool beans!

0points

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#60

Ron Swanson smiling in front of the camera “Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.”

20points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

Trump and Homelander can learn from this one

5points

#61

“I call this turf ‘n’ turf. It’s a 16-ounce T-bone and 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whiskey and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at the same time because I am a free American.”

20points

#62

[Describing his allergies] “Cowardice and weak-willed men… and hazelnuts.”

20points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

Cowardice, morons... and possibly woodlouse-spider venom.

0points

#63

Ron Swanson playing a harp “Well I’ve never been one for meeting new people, or doing new things, or eating new types of food, or traveling outside of southern Indiana. I’ve had the same haircut since 1978 and I’ve driven the same car since 1991. I’ve used the same wooden comb for three decades. I have one bowl. I still get my milk delivered by horse.”

20points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago (edited)

Does the milk come from said horse?🤔

3points

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#64

“I assumed this was obvious but in the future, I’d prefer not to be part of any conversation about which body oil is best.”

20points

#65

“Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?”

18points

#66

Ron Swanson holding a box of donuts “I don’t want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.”

18points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

Nor do I, but every secondary-school boy in England (save a choice few) is a moron, an egotistical beast and a charlatan.

0points

#67

“Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie.”

18points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

As a creative individual WITHOUT glasses, I agree with exceptions.

0points

#68

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, children are terrible artists. And artists are crooks.”

18points

Dick Sawkins 2 years ago

Children are terrible crooks :') I see what he did there!

1point

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#69

Ron Swanson talking “Leslie, I got married twice, both times I was a lot older than those two, and both marriages ended in divorce and a burning effigy. Whose to say what works? You find somebody you like and you roll the dice. That’s all anybody can do.”

18points

Dubnaught 2 years ago

The "those two" he is referring to is April and Andy, not his first 2 wives. His first wife was his teacher 😐

7points

#70

“I like some changes. Like when I change a tree into a canoe, or a wife into an ex-wife.”

18points

Leon Graer 1 year ago

Or when I change from starting ("Finally, I can fit in!!") to finishing ("Shut up: I'm older than you, I know more than you, and I don't care how many like-minded idiots you surround yourself with, so leave me be.")

0points

#71

“Another word for 'jokes' is 'lies'. I do not lie. Therefore, I do not joke.”

18points

#72

Ron Swanson eating a sandwich “There is only one bad word: taxes.”

17points

#73

“If it doesn’t have meat, it’s a snack.”

17points

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#74

“Say what you want about organized religion, but those bastards knew how to construct an edifice.”

17points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

...and deconstruct an orifice🤷‍♂️

1point

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#75

Ron Swanson teaching how to bowling [Describes his bowling technique] “Straight down the middle. No hook. No spin. No fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.”

17points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

Just throw the darn ball and expect the best lol

2points

#76

“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.”

16points

AniaSD 2 years ago

My favourite Swanson quote

0points

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#77

“That is a canvas sheet, the most versatile object known to man. It can be used to make tents, backpacks, shoes, stretchers, sails, tarpaulins, and I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances, it can be a surface on which to make art.”

16points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

Also valuable materials we quickly trivialize: Aluminum and Helium

1point

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#78

Ron Swanson is typing on a computer "I think that all government is a waster of taxpayer money. My dream is to have the park system privatized and run entirely by for-profit corporations, like Chuck E. Cheese. They have an impeccable business model."

16points

Daniel Schoedel 2 years ago

I'd guess that Ron hasn't been to a Chuck E Cheese recently

1point

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#79

“I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 mins.”

16points

#80

“Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers.”

16points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

My fathers plight😔🤣

1point

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#81

Ron Swanson looking angry “Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”

15points

B Lorax 2 years ago

So were Mother's and Father's days.

1point

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#82

“Listen, I’ve eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won’t affect the only part of my job that I like.”

15points

#83

“I prefer quality over flash – that’s why I refuse to write my signature in cursive.”

15points

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#84

Ron Swanson driving "...if you believe in something you sign your name to it."

15points

#85

"The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am."

15points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

Yesssss! Looking at you jornalists about Florence Pugh, Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles

0points

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#86

“I’m not interested in caring about people.”

14points

#87

Ron Swanson is cutting the child's hair “There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.”

14points

Mark Berry 2 years ago

This one bugged me because he had none of those.

4points

#88

“The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.”

14points

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#89

“I’ve created this office as a symbol of how I feel about government. This sawed-off shotgun belonged to a local bootlegger. People who come in here to ask me for things have to stare right down the barrel…”

14points

#90

Ron Swanson disgusted reaction to a banana “Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.”

14points

#91

"We will get along just fine, though hopefully not too fine because I am not looking for any new friends. End speech."

14points

#92

“There’s a new wind blowing in government, and I don’t like it. All of a sudden there’s all this federal money coming in, and Paul the City Manager is telling us to build parks. Start new community programs. It’s horrifying.”

14points

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#93

Ronan lets the kids color his shoes “Gentlemen, wilderness weekend is upon us. There will be no video games, there will be no internet pads. This weekend you have two parents, me and mother nature.”

14points

#94

”My first ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My second ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My Mom’s name is Tamara… she goes by Tammy.”

13points

Kim Smith 2 years ago (edited)

Hmm...are we seeing mommy issues here?I bet they all made great bacon and eggs though!

0points

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#95

“I work hard to make sure my department is as small and as ineffective as possible.”

13points

#96

Ron Swanson smiling and showing a book “History began on July 4, 1776. Everything that happened before that was a mistake.”

12points

#97

“I’ll take that steak to go. Please and thank you.”

11points

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#98

“Turkey can never beat cow.”

11points

#99

Ron Swanson gives the dollar to the street postcards seller “America: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”

11points

#100

“An ideal night out, to me, is stepping onto my porch area and grilling up a thick slab of something’s flesh and then popping in a highlight real from the WNBA.”

11points

#101

"The only thing that’s important at the end of the day is what’s on your gravestone — your name."

11points

#102

Ron Swanson singing "On nights like this when the cold winds blow, the air is awash in the swirling eddies of our dream, come with me and find safe haven in a warm bathtub full of my jazz."

9points

Timothy Jamelli 2 years ago

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Saimonas Lukošius

Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Saimonas is a list curator at Bored Panda with BA in Multimedia. Saimonas has mainly worked as a freelance graphic designer, illustrator and finds joy in anything related to visual arts.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

What do you think ?

Evie Denen 2 years ago

I think I'm gonna go and rewatch parks and rec now!

1point

Joshua Moore 2 years ago

I watched it for the first time about 2 years ago, from start to finish. I loved the Ron Swanson character. I aim to be him when I grow up. So many great quotes!! 😁😜

0points

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Evie Denen 2 years ago

I think I'm gonna go and rewatch parks and rec now!

1point

Joshua Moore 2 years ago

I watched it for the first time about 2 years ago, from start to finish. I loved the Ron Swanson character. I aim to be him when I grow up. So many great quotes!! 😁😜

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