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“What’s Something People Romanticize But It’s Actually Horrible?”: 50 People Don’t Hold Back
From singing in the rain to yearning for the “simpler” times of the 1950s, there are a whole lot of people out there who have a very flowery idea of things and time periods that just happen to have great public relations. So it’s sometimes for one’s own good to have your illusions shattered.
Someone asked “What’s something people romanticize but it’s actually horrible?” and people shared their most poignant examples. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your thoughts and experiences below.
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#1
Baby gender reveals. Just pretentious status and attention chasing that is unnecessary to be separate and additional to a baby shower.
#2
Traditional-looking religions like Amish and Old-School Mennonites. "Imagine living such a simple life! So family focused. So grounded in community. None of the distractions of modern life. "
And yeah. There are some benefits. But in reality most of these communities are incredibly controlling. Their members don't know how to live life in the real world, and this is leveraged against them by threatening to expel people from the community if they don't do what is expected. It is especially oppressive for women, who are expected to obey their husbands and their pastors, have lots of kids, and keep their mouths shut.
Source - my background is Holdeman Mennonite.
keyboardtek 1 month ago
Having gone to Catholic parochial elementary school and knowing the signs of repressive controllers, I realized at a young age that all religions are repressive.
#3
Staying in a relationship "for the kids" totally ignoring the trauma those kids deal with seeing a toxic abusive relationship.
#5
The "bad boy" trope. There's this tendency for people to glorify dysfunction and romanticise an unhealthy imbalance of impulsiveness, aggression and emotional unavailability. But it's extremely toxic and unsalvageable.
#6
Joker and Harley Quinn couple. I seen so many people think they were in love and not realizing that it was an abusive relationship.
Prestigious_Kale8839:
So much this. If you want a fictional couple to emulate, try Gomez and Morticia.
#7
Homeschooling your children.
Children are supposed to mix with other children.
cerinamroth 1 month ago
Illegal in Germany because too open to being abused for ultra religious types/other oddballs to push specific agendas onto their kids.
#8
Fighting for someone's love.
Nah. No means no, there is no such thing as "hard to get".
#9
“Hustle” culture. The “I work so hard I’m making so much money” but what I see is you have no life and only feel worthy if you have money and material things.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
I work so hard, hustled so far... in the end, it doesn't even matter~
#10
Living in other eras throughout history (in particular medieval times), people who fantasise about this seem to think they would have been a wealthy lord or a noble knight rescuing hot maidens every week, when in reality 99% chance they would have been a poor, illiterate peasant working 16 hours a day just to feed themselves and their family before dying from diarrhea aged 40.
cerinamroth 1 month ago
Yeah, my mum romanticises things like Downton Abbey and I always have to say to her: You know we'd be the downstairs lot, right? And that being a servant was in no way as nice as they make it look on TV?!
#11
Open Marriage - Most guys want to open their marriage until their wife is getting unlimited offers and he sits at home alone watching porn. The wife never wanted to be open, but then his offer lets the genie out of the bottle and the trick is on him!
Miss_H84 1 month ago
This remind of a story I read on BP some time ago (you probably remember it if you read it) about a man who wanted an open relationship and eventually his wife agreed but it didn't go as he had planned because she was getting so many dates, she didn't even know what to do with them all, meanwhile he tried it with a coworker and was reported to HR. He didn't want to be in an open relationship anymore but she was happy with the situation.
#12
Any sensationalized mental illness/learning disability. Depression, anxiety, autism, people are getting cute about schizophrenia now.
This isn't 'quirk'. It's lifelong.
Amelia Jade 1 month ago
I have OCD and I try really hard not to let it get to me when people treat it as a cute, quirky thing where they like things neat and organized. If they had any idea of the actual hell it is they wouldn't want anything to do with it. It can be all consuming. It can hurt relationships. It can keep you from being able to sleep, to make choices, or to even trust your own mind. Yeah, it's super cute.
#13
War.
haver_of_friends:
My dad told me when I was younger that if I ever wanted to join the military, he’d make me watch Saving Private Ryan. Well, I never enlisted, so he never made me watch it, but I ended up watching it on my own for the first time last week at 25.
Bro, that seen where the German slowly stabs Pvt Mellish in the heart while Upham cries in the stairwell, had to be the most disturbing and emotionally upsetting depiction of war that I’ve seen so far in my life. And to think that people glamorize that lifestyle baffles me.
K- THULU 1 month ago (edited)
As the first male in my father's family not to fight in a war i hate how it is romanticised...... it wasn't glamorous when my father liberated Bergen death camp in WW2, nor when my grandfather fought at the Somme in WW1...... it's not noble, it's not heroic..... you kill.... you kill and kill till there's not enough of the enemy to fight back...... in the end, my father was fighting children.... kids in the Hitler youth who could barely hold a gun..... nothing heroic in that.....
#14
When a community bands together to help someone out with their medical bills, or workers donate vacation days so a colleague can take time to recover from illness. Nice that they’re doing it, and appalling that they should have to.
spudzilla:
Even worse are the stories of kids running lemonade stands or mowing lawns to help raise money. Child labor! Yay, America!
#15
Constantly being the bigger person to a person who continually disrespects you. It is like slowly drinking poison, it changes your heart for the worse.
plaincoldtofu:
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Either your soul dies slowly as you try to act as the adult to someone who is emotionally a toddler, or you spend your time punching back like you’re getting bullied on a school yard. It seems best to just get out of the situation once you realize the dynamic.
#16
Stalking, “he likes you, isn’t that sweet?” No it’s not. It’s incredibly creepy and terrifying to have someone watch your every move.
#17
Grand public proposals.
Sheilahasaname:
My ex did this. It was so humiliating, terrifying, and traumatising. He essentially coerced me out of a plane by buying me a skydiving ticket. I'm terrified of heights. Some stuff went wrong and by the time I ended up back at the sight, he had a big sign laid out and hundreds of people watching. I was crying, but not because I was happy.
isthatabingo:
It isn’t bad if they’ve discussed it ahead of time and the one being proposed to has said they are ok with a public proposal. Anyone who proposes to someone without discussing it before hand is stupid imo, and doing it in public not only embarrasses their significant other, but themselves.
#18
I'd say the mob. It's interesting and people talk about the loyalty and "secret society" cool ness of it.
But the reality is most of them were a bunch of greedy sociopaths.
not_today_mr:
The mob and gang life in general. Don't people know how dangerous it is in the first place to them and their friends and family.
#19
Criminals of any kind through pop culture.
rawr_Im_a_duck:
There’s a whole community of mostly teenage girls who have full on crushes and obsessions with school shooters. Supposedly a lot of them receive “fan mail”.
#20
The alpha male creedo. The only people who enjoy alpha males are other alpha males.
keyboardtek 1 month ago
That is because they are stuck in the high school locker room, football team competition mentality all their lives.
#21
"I would love to just own and operate a little bar/restaurant/cafe/bakery/tavern and make enough to get by in a little town"
-this is exclusively stated by people who have NEVER worked in a bar/restaurant/cafe/bakery/tavern, and almost certainly not a little one in a little town.
The most failing businesses on the planet are hospitality + F&B for a reason.
#22
S*x on the beach. Sand's gets everywhere!!!
ninazo96:
I don't like shower sex either. Friction is not fun for the lady bits.
#23
Being a woman in the 1950s. It’s been romanticized by the trad wives, but it was a boring existence for too many. Once a month card club was the big highlight.
#24
Possessiveness and overprotectiveness. It's restricting, not cute.
theemmyk:
I always thought jealousy from a man would be so romantic until I actually experienced it. It was so unattractive. I guess it's the insecurity that is a turn-off...?
Red PANda (she/they/he/ze) 1 month ago
I’d say that is pretty spot-on (the insecurity being a turn-off)
#25
Cruises. Overcrowded pools, long lines everywhere you go, motion sickness, the restroom in my cabin smelled like p**s for some reason, the cabin was so tiny I got claustrophobic, Thalassaphobia of being out in the middle of the ocean where if you fell no one would see you again, ports were usually packed with people trying to scam you because you're a tourist, and to top it all off my son and I were stricken by norovirus and then covid on our last day.
My husband wants to go on another cruise and I told him I'm not coming.
#26
**Gender Reveal**
**Public Proposal**
**Vloggers or anyone filming certain people (especially servers) without asking permission**
**Social Experiment** - especially one that requires helping others.
#27
This is going to be a hot-take so fair warning.
The whole "living off the grid" life style or the whole "F society, I'm going to live in the woods" mentality.
It is very freaking hard to do in order to maintain said life style and to survive in general.
cerinamroth 1 month ago
We were self-sufficient but didn't live "off grid". It was a very hard life, yet loads of people say "Oh, how idyllic". No, it absolutely wasn't.
#28
When a male student gets groomed or R-worded by a female teacher and you get people saying that he's lucky and they wish it happened to them and stuff. I've always found that incredibly disturbing.
Susie Elle 1 month ago
Same. We perceive adult women as less threatening than adult men, and we see young girls as more vulnerable than young men.
#29
Working a "brag worthy" amount of hours a week, particularly if one is salary. No one is impressed, and perpetuating that as a standard is evil.
Ladedah 1 month ago
I dunno. I think the definition of "brag-worthy" should be clarified. I only work 24 hours a week and get a decent amount of money for it. Sorry, but - Hell yes - I'm going to brag about only working two days a week. This should seriously be the standard to which people strive.
#30
Alcoholism. Every single manly movie whether it be a western, a spy movie, a period piece, etc. always has the protagonist sipping on something strong. Plot armor gives characters incredible tolerance the likes of which should send them begging for a toilet to expel their liquor sh**s or puke. There’s nothing glorious about being an alcoholic.
#31
Freaking ADHD/ADD. It takes me twice as long to get something done compared to my peers. From the moment I wake up, I have a song stuck in a loop in my head - alongside like 50 other tabs. I’ve had crying fits at work due to rejection sensitive dysphoria, or fire alarms going off unexpectedly. My ability to retain information regarding something I’m not genuinely interested in is nigh. I have to remind myself not to bounce, fidget, or get up from my chair every 5-10 minutes. I have to ask people what they’re saying multiple times due to auditory processing. I struggle to see projects through because my brain branches out to other connections or topics. Etc.
It can be so hard to manage, especially if you didn’t learn how to work with it before you’re navigating the world alone, as an adult.
Susie Elle 1 month ago (edited)
I've never been diagnosed, but I recognize SO many things. Especially the freaking songs stuck on loop and the absolutely crippling disinterest that sets in when I have to focus on something I don't like. Holy s**t. I'm no longer in school but I had to attend a webinar yesterday and I could not - for the life of me - register nor understand what was on the presenter's sliders at all. Like, at all. I had to read it five times because my eyes skip over the words like a pingpongball thrown in a fishbowl and I can't listen and read at the same time. I'll sink away in an internal dialogue over something irrelevant (i.e. "if famous youtuber so and so were to invite me to a livestream and they'd ask me this niche question, here's the elaborate answer I'd give") Anyway thanks for attending my Tedtalk
#32
Pregnancy and childbirth. Some parts are great but holy S**T.
GettingCereal 1 month ago
Big wtf moment: someone once said to me women shouldn't know too much about the in part lasting negative impact a pregnancy can and very often does have, because then they'd stop having babies.
#33
Being stuck in the past in the name of custom, ritual and culture.
#34
Eating Disorders (specifically restrictive ones where a person is thin).
Not fun. -100000/10. It’s a mental illness not “self control goals”.
keyboardtek 1 month ago (edited)
Food corporations make zillions off people with eating disorders. They have no incentive to change. They hire chemists who figure out how to make foods more addictive.
#35
Chronic illness.
Been seeing so many more people on social media thinking they have certain conditions. Like it's almost become trendy to say "oh I think I have Ehlers Danlos and POTS hehee"
I don't know why people think just because you are bendy or double jointed, or have one small weird thing wrong.. that you want to join the club of chronic illness. It's not fun, or cute, or trendy.
Those of us who do have it struggle. Hard. Are gaslit by doctors. Are sick of feeling broken. Are hurting. And want people to take us seriously but now every time I mention my actual diagnosis' to a medical professional (diagnosed YEARS ago) they ask me "do you think you have this because you saw it on tiktok?"
It's frustrating.
whineygingercat 1 month ago
You think that's bad? Try chronic pain pretenders. Because of them and d**g seekers, I have to bend over backwards, while jumping through burning hoops to convince a doctor that I truly need these medications. That I'm really in pain. All. The. Time.
#36
Smoking cigarettes. I’m not hating on anyone who does, i vape myself, but its entirely hypocritical to see people who dont smoke praising/romanticizing celebs like Lana Del Rey for smoking while she’s singing during her concert & then go and berate someone regular for it because all of a sudden it’s gross when they’re not famous or hot.
In general, its not a good habit and shouldn’t be romanticized, even with celebrities.
BookFanatic 1 month ago
Yeah, both my folks were heavy smokers. Now I have chronic bronchitis, asthma, and a restrictive lung disease. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
#37
The Mafia. They are just low life scumbags. No, they don't have a code of honor, they have been ratting each other out since the beginning. No, they never had rules against selling d***s, they have been selling them since the 20s. No, they don't live glamorous lives, even the high ups, for the most part, live ordinary lives. Nothing that is portrayed in the movies is correct.
Colby DeYoung 1 month ago
Maybe correct for the most part, but you can't say the Teflon Don John Gotti lived an "ordinary" life.
#39
Romeo and Juliet. If Shakespeare were alive now, he’d be horrified at how his cautionary tale has been twisted.
whineygingercat 1 month ago
People make it out to be some great love story. It was a 3-day FLING, by 2 teenagers that resulted in 6 deaths.
#40
Working in the film industry.
adknight11:
One of my good friends worked as a Production Assistant for years down in Atlanta and I couldn’t believe how crazy her schedule was. On top of that, the story she has of some film stars who were absolutely horrid to work with. She’s happily staying at home with her baby boy now.
Der Kommissar 1 month ago (edited)
PA is the entry level job in the film biz. You are a "go-fer", and at the mercy of everyone on the set. Most film people on the set feel they're entitled, and enjoy torturing PAs as sport.
#41
Living in your car. It's not fun, there are very few places to park, it can be brutally hot or cold, and you don't usually have access to proper showers.
#42
Moving away to a big city. That 2 hour commute to work is not cute and glamorous.
Enuya 1 month ago
It depends from a person. I absolutely hated living in my small hometown and am far happier since I moved to a big city. I love the sense of anonymity and having a choice (many cultural events, places to visit, shops, health clinics and so on). I'd never return to my hometown OR any other small, close-knit community. Though to be fair my city has a great public transport and I live relatively close to the center. I'd likely hate having to commute from the very outskirts.
#43
New Years Eve.
F*****g hate it. It's always disappointing.
keyboardtek 1 month ago
I was a musician for ten years. New Years eve was always the worst night to play. So many drunks and people who only drink one day a year. Rude crowds, bad night club owners, bad drivers on the road afterwards.
#44
Small towns are nice to visit but suffocating to live in.
Smart-Fold7327:
I grew up in a very small town, and it's impacted my growth. The lack of jobs, activities, and essential resources (such as good schools and hospitals) is horrible. I finally was able to move from my hometown, and while I enjoy it, it's been an adjustment. I realized I lack a lot of social skills, technological skills, and even driving skills because the area I grew up in is so isolated.
Yayheterogeneity 1 month ago
I think that's very much America where the distances are so great. Of course we have some very isolated towns in EU as well but mostly it takes you about 30 minutes by car to the next bigger town here where you have access to higher education, etc. I live in the Eifel which is by comparison quite remote but still... The next "good" university is 45 minutes away.
#45
Moving to Los Angeles.
It’s expensive, crowded, and dirty. Also good luck competing with everyone else there for opportunities.
#46
Climbing the corporate ladder.
anonymous:
Just to be on the chopping block when times get tough.
#47
Being backstage at a gig. Take it from a seasoned “band wife” it’s boring, sweaty, and cramped. (Even in bigger stadiums) Loads of waiting around while they do soundchecks and media. The only good thing is the free booze. It’s not all sex, d***s and rock n roll. At all.
#48
Pirates!🏴☠️
cerinamroth 1 month ago
True. I knew someone who was kidnapped with his wife by pirates off the coast of the Philippines and held hostage for a month. It was nowhere near fun. Thankfully they both made it out of there, but they never wanted to sail again and it had been their biggest shared passion.
#50
A jealous partner.
What’s something people romanticize but it’s actually horrible?
Emma S 1 month ago (edited)
Owning a farm. Some people seem to think it'll be all baking cakes and frolicking about fields in designer wellys. In reality it's getting up at 4am in the freezing cold to start work, cleaning animal faeces, horrible smells and struggling to make ends meet.
Roxy222uk 1 month ago
Anyone that romanticising owning a farm needs to watch Clarkson's Farm on Amazon Prime to learn the truth about trying to make a living, in the UK at least. It's also hilarious (and occasionally heartbreaking).
Load More Replies...
Watermelon 1 month ago
Buying a sailboat and sailing around the world. Sounds sooo adventurous. In reality, very scary for multiple valid reasons. Also hot, cramped, mostly boring, and lots of work. Run out of important supplies, or forgot something you need? It could be days or even weeks before you're back in port, so you live without.
Emma S 1 month ago (edited)
Owning a farm. Some people seem to think it'll be all baking cakes and frolicking about fields in designer wellys. In reality it's getting up at 4am in the freezing cold to start work, cleaning animal faeces, horrible smells and struggling to make ends meet.
Roxy222uk 1 month ago
Anyone that romanticising owning a farm needs to watch Clarkson's Farm on Amazon Prime to learn the truth about trying to make a living, in the UK at least. It's also hilarious (and occasionally heartbreaking).
Load More Replies... Watermelon 1 month ago
Buying a sailboat and sailing around the world. Sounds sooo adventurous. In reality, very scary for multiple valid reasons. Also hot, cramped, mostly boring, and lots of work. Run out of important supplies, or forgot something you need? It could be days or even weeks before you're back in port, so you live without.
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