Insomnia. Sleep deprivation takes a toll on your health, and no, you won’t be writing poems and drinking coffee at night when having no sleep. You’ll be suffering.

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A self-sustaining family "farm" life. It's practically impossible for a lone family to achieve it.

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Birthing and raising a baby.

People will acknowledge that it’s not easy, sure, but it’s so much harder than imagined, especially if you don’t have a good support system.

.

Edit: May I just say I’m glad so many people felt they could relate to each other in this subject and have an open discussion. In our society we tend to forget we are allowed to have multiple complex emotions, even more so when it comes to parents and children, and it’s not as simple as positive vs negative.

Anyone who agrees with this post can still love their children and love being a parent and not want to change things. Hell, you can weirdly hate being a parent but still love and care for your kids. You can also adore kids and never want to be a parent yourself. It’s all valid. Feel how you feel and take everything one baby step at a time. Just try not to take those feelings out on the world 😅.

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Running cute little coffee shop/bookstore. I bet you picture yourself just having a cup of Joe and chatting about Cormac McCarthy with an elderly gentleman in a tweed coat. You’re never gonna be profitable but you won’t realize it until about 2 1/2 years in. Also that guy never showed up, he’s got a Kindle.

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Turning something you love into a business.

Often, instead of "I turned my passion into money!" It's "I turned something I love into work."

I am currently scaling back my photography business because I don't love photography like I used to. It's work now.

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Pulling yourself out of poverty. I assure you that zero poor people can just stop being lazy and be in the middle class in a matter of weeks, let alone years. The number of societal barriers to class mobility are astounding and the people with the most lectures about bootstraps are the ones most incentivized to pretend those barriers don't exist.

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Becoming a small farmer. You work harder than you thought was possible, more of your body hurts than you knew you had, you make less than you ever thought possible, and people still tell you they can get it at Walmart for cheaper.

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I'm not a big fan of the jealousy/over-protective/possessive trend making the rounds as of late. I get the desire to be protected and the logic behind your partner feeling jealous but I honestly can't fathom how normalized it has become. I don't want to feel jealous - I firmly believe that feeling is born from insecurity or a lack of trust.

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Being unable to work due to disability. I've fought agoraphobia, being bedbound, losing all my muscles and weight, feeling like there's cement encased around me as I move at all times and all ppl say is "I wish I got to stay home, do nothing and get paid for it" ; "what's your secret to looking so skinny! I'd do anything to be so small!". This is a special kind of torture and the scraps of government funds I receive are not of equal compensation or even enough to survive off.

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Living in Japan as a foreigner. There's a certain subset of people that really romanticize Japan and Japanese culture as highly advanced technologically and socially. It's not that Japan is actually particularly a bad place to live. But they still utilize antiquated technology, have dated social mores and brutal work-life "balance", and are quite xenophobic and openly turn away foreigners from many services (even medical care). It's not some anime utopia where everything is perfect. It's quite a challenging place to live for foreigners. It seems Japan welcomes the visitor but does not always welcome the immigrant.

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cerinamroth

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Exactly. Loved visiting Japan many times but I know I‘d never want to live there for any extended amount of time. My ‘Japanese mother‘ found that the UK was her happy place: we have tea, after-work drinks and are rarely outwardly rude.

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BrunoVI

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I can't help but wonder if the culture will shift as the top-heavy age structure gets worse and worse. Will they end up with a society that eagerly seeks out well-educated foreigners to keep their economy afloat, or some monstrosity like the oil states? Or some strange new state based on international "remote" work?

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Ni Na

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Depends. I lived in Japan for 2 years and I'm from Europe. Tokyo is really open and there are a lot of foreign who lives in the city. But outside from Tokyo I had my fair share of people who hate everyone who is not born in Japan and doesn't look like a typical Japanese person. It was weird and awful. I fly back every 2 years as a tourist and that's fine. Would not move back because Tokyo is too expensive and I had to work a lot to survive.

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StPaul9

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So like any country, outside a major world city people are different.

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Vinnie

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It might be a general rule, but I would still do research before going somewhere. Among the questions: How are outsiders viewed, does it depend on their looks and origins and gender? Are there ways to smooth relations (such as learning the language, dressing like locals, etc.)? Are there parts of the city where acceptance is different? My general rule is: do the research, then observe when there, then try to adapt.

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Abdullah Abd Rahman

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Japan is a great place to visit but not to live in.The Japanese are polite and courteous but don't warm up easily to non-Japanese. They are much more comfortable with their own kind.

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Rodney McKay

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Japan *used* to be a really great place to visit, but ever since the end of covid restrictions brought in a flood of visitors the locals have become far, FAR less friendly to outsiders. After my most recent visit (of dozens, over the decades) a couple of months ago, I have decided that I never need to return. On the other hand, China has become a wonderful place to visit, especially—and this might surprise you, given the rampant U.S. propaganda—for Americans. Very warm, outgoing, optimistic, and progressive people. If anything, perhaps a bit *too* exuberantly friendly if you're from a more reserved culture. I was at a party with some very cheerfully-inebriated Chinese guys, and I had to give up trying to fend off all the hugs (I'm also a guy) and maudlin displays of friendship. (The women were rolling their eyes and laughing.) But hey, I'll take that any day over the cold, distant Japanese. And I can speak & understand far more Japanese than I can Chinese, so that isn't the issue.

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Allison Slagle (Randomosity)

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There's no way I'd ever visit China. There some of the most rude and entitled tourists, so I can't imagine they'd be more tolerable in their home country. They were the cause of COVID because they eat bats. Also, screw any country that eats cats.

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Jane No Dough

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I feel like that last line rings true for every country lately.

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Pittsburgh rare

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It's certainly true for mine, even for the "rich" immigrants who call themselves expats. For different reasons.

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CanadianDimes

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Just yesterday there was an article on BP where one of their conservative politicians wanted to ban women from getting married over 25 (because they'd be "too old"?!) and make them ineligible to go to college past 18 so they could focus on "dating and marriage" so I'd say Japan has its problems, yeah.

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Vinnie

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He ended up apologizing after getting backlash. What it tells me is that Japan has freedom of speech, some will use it to make outrageous statement and others to criticize those statements.

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CanadianDimes

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He apologized because he got backlash, so it's not a genuine apology. He's not sorry for thinking it, he's sorry he got in trouble.

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Nils Skirnir

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Some technology is outdated as the use of fax machines. Others are incredibly advanced. If one tries to live in Japan, but doesn’t laearn Japanese or respect the differences in cultures one will have a hard time. Never heard of anyone being turned away from medical care. Heck Japanese hospitals make a point of having multilingual concierges. Only places I’ve ever heard stories about foreigners being turned away are brothels and hostess clubs. Plus, compared to the US, UK, Canada, or Australia it’s amazingly safe. Not perfect, but better than most places if you try. That said, becoming a permanent resident is comparatively hard and requires that one learns Japanese

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Andrew Keir

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Many countries 'welcome the visitor but not the immigrant'

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Kat

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yeah I had great time visiting Japan and everyone was very nice, but also, when you are visiting, you mostly in contact with people used to tourist....actually living a normal life there is extremly different

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Isak Nygren

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It's a challenge to live in Japan as a foreigner, but learning to speak Japanese will help a lot. The difference in the behavior from the Japanese people changes when they can speak Japanese to you instead of English.

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Rodney McKay

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The Japanese are also absurdly superstitious.

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Owning a restaurant.

Every so often,. someone would talk about "how much fun it would be to run a restaurant."

I used to do restaurant reviews on the side for a small local newspaper. A colleague at my day job told me he and a friend were going to start a restaurant, putting in $75,000 each. They had no food service experience and thought it would be fun.

I took him to a cafe nearby that had excellent food, called the owner over, and asked him if he had any advice for my colleague.

He replied (I swear this happened!)
"Get your 75,000 dollars in cash, say hundred dollar bills. Bring the bills here. I'll give you a plate and a book of matches. Put the bills on the plate and set them on fire "

"WHAT?!!, said my friend.

"It's simple. You'll lose the same amount of money as you would in the long run, but you'll save yourself months and months of pain."

EATING at a restaurant can be relaxing. No other aspect of that business is.

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Starting a business. Everyone talks about the freedom and potential money, but the reality is constant stress, long hours, and a ton of financial risk. It’s way harder than the “be your own boss” vibe suggests.

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Autism and ADHD.

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War.

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One thing people seriously romanticize is relationships and marriage. We’re flooded with images of “perfect” couples and happy endings, but in reality, maintaining a healthy relationship takes a ton of work, patience, and commitment. It's not just date nights and Instagram-worthy moments, it's dealing with disagreements, supporting each other through rough times, and putting in real effort to grow together, even when things get messy.

Marriage is even more intense; it’s not a magical cure-all for relationship issues, and no amount of romance can replace the hard work required to make it last. There are days when things feel routine or even tough, and you have to keep showing up and choosing each other. People don’t talk enough about that side of it.

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Objectively looking at your life and deciding to turn it around. Alot of people think that the hard part is actually just being able to evaluate your life objectively and see what you need to change and it gets easier after that, but the truly hard part is actually processing it and keeping that mindset down the track. A lot of people go through a very unhealthy cycle of being disappointed and depressed with their lives and themselves, genuinely want to change for the better, but end up subconsciously pushing those thoughts out of their brain.

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Revolutions.

Sooooo many people are screaming for one and don’t comprehend at all what they are asking for.

When the government is overthrown, allllllll of those services that the poorest people have are cut off. Every single one. No food stamps, no healthcare, no shelter, nothing.

The first thing that happens in times like that is a whole lot of violence, and the main victims are women and children.

I tried to tell someone this and she replied that as a Black person, “she knows what the stakes are.”

Like if you think things are going to work out for you, you’re not really thinking about consequences.

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Authoritarianism: every country that losses their democracy loses the ability to innovate, educate, and tolerate. their people lose all freedom and normalize suffering and poverty in the shadow of survalence and oppression, their sports teams suck and comedians aren't funny.

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Life as an artist. It's hard work for little pay. It can be very discouraging and degrading when people talk down about your work. It's frustrating to see people way less talented than you succeed because of luck and/or already having wealthy friends. There are many people more talented than you competing with you for sales/clients. It can be cut throat dealing with galleries, museums and art collectives. And at the end of the day, there's always the thought, "you might just be the next Picasso, but that will only happen after you die, so you won't get to enjoy any of that fame or fortune.".

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Not moving on from a partner. Like "I still love you!" after years of not being together. That's super sad and unhealthy actually :(.

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Travelling for work.

Edit to add why: Exhausting long flights and airport procedures, living out of a suitcase, and catered meals so you’re limited to what you’re eating and most of it is junk. Every minute of your time is scheduled and you either have to or have an obligation to spend the entire time with your colleagues: definitely from 9-5, but also your lunch break, and usually dinner. Then kick-on drinks are an expectation, and sometimes it’s a group brunch. You’re always in performance mode and often meeting new people daily. You miss your family (including pets!) and have no time to switch off and just be yourself - even worse if time zones mean you can only talk to your family in early mornings and late at night. Can imagine how much it must suck when you have young kids.

My husband travels every few months, usually internationally and for about a week at a time. Way less than some people have to, which I’m thankful for! I recently spent two days at a work conference for the first time, and finally realised he wasn’t lying when he said he usually hated travelling for work. Probably fun if you’re single and genuinely love your work, but not for me thanks.

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Higher education. It’s not all parties and socializing, it can actually be very lonely and isolating.

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People romanticize "working yourself to the bone" as some badge of honor, like hustling 24/7 is the only path to success. You see it all the time—glorified late nights, sacrificing weekends, constantly grinding. The reality? It’s exhausting and often just leads to burnout, not success.

In the movies, the overworked genius hits a breakthrough and changes the world, but in real life, you're more likely to just end up stressed, sleep-deprived, and missing out on everything else that makes life worth living. Balance isn’t lazy; it’s smart. Real success usually happens when you have the energy and mental space to actually enjoy it.

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High paying corporate jobs. It's not all 'boss babes' and power suits. Depending on the industry, it's 90 hour weeks and no energy for life. I had the big window corner office, a condo on the 32nd floor on the Vegas strip, car service/laundry service/cleaning service/housekeeper, and a closet full of designer s**t. It was great that I was able to do certain things (like take care of myself and my family), but that job literally sucked the life out of me. After 3 years I was so depressed that I didn't get out of bed for 3 weeks and almost lost my job.

That life is not what people make it out to be.

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The idea of a "dream job". The mindset of "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life" is a load of crock. Everything has hard moments.

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Living off grid in the woods, independent from society. Very few people living in society today could do it.

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Self love/learning how to love yourself.

Lots of people think it's just going to a restaurant/ the movies by yourself, or "treating yourself".

It can mean recognizing people in your life who are harming you and cutting them off which can be painful. It can mean identifying your own flaws and doing what is necessary to fix/accommodate them (weight loss, mental health stuff, etc). Not all roses and sunshine.

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Shower sex.

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Island Living
S**t is hard unless your rich.
Yeah I live in paradise- but I pay like 5.25 for a gallon of gas, my rent for a 1 bedroom is 2200 plus utilities (which are outrageous expensive)- a box of cereal is like 15$ and not for a family size.
My mail gets “lost” in Puerto Rico-a lot.
Power outages are super frequent, and we just got running water back after 2 days without as well.

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Living in the city on a budget. It’s all cute rooftop pics until you’re drowning in rent and eating instant noodles every day.

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Combat. Wish and hope you never have to experience it.

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Being an artist. People don't realize that a detailed piece could take weeks to perfection, and think that they can underpay for it because somehow this doesn't count as labor.

The idea of "being an artist" is like we didn't practice, devote our time, have failures, or seek education. Our time isn't valuable because we're "special" or "gifted" and we somehow morally owe the world our gifts.

Everyone romanticizes the artist in their urban bohemian studio with everything they need and never the struggle to find people willing to pay for their work, trying to balance creativity and working on commission.

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Van life.

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Being a professional novelist.

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Being a musician/artist. The top 0.01% make a ton of money, and the remaining 99.99% make do with scraps.

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Having twins. So many people tell me they’d love to have twins. The reality is that you’re going to have a high risk pregnancy and have a high chance of giving birth prematurely. Having two newborns is exponentially harder than one newborn, ditto with the sleep deprivation and those newborns are more likely to have issues you don’t get with a term baby. My twins had both colic and reflux and I was so tired I hallucinated. It might look like I had it together pushing two sleeping newborns in their pram but the reality was that I averaged 1 to 2 hours sleep a night and the reason I was out pushing them in the pram was because that was the only way they slept for any decent amount of time. I love my twins but would have preferred they came at least a year apart. .

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Working in the film industry.

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Snow. Its cold up in the mountains. And the ones romanticising, it are those people who don’t have to wake up early in the morning and melt ice so that some people get warm water.
Its brutal to work in the morning when everyone is sound asleep in their blankets .

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Mental illness or playing an instrument.

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Marriage.

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Living in nyc.

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International romances where someone moves countries to be with their lover.

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Roughing it. Going on controlled camping trips is one thing, but spending any period of time without a guarantee of clean water, a hot meal, or shelter is a real nightmare.

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Moving abroad.

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Making money online via YouTube or Instagram. It's far easier making money in a real normal job.

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Being in the Special Forces. Whether it's SAS, SEALs, Green Beret, MarSoc... whatever. The high speed stuff is great for hollywood, but they never publish the fully kitted out operators stalking through the underbrush immediately losing their s**t because they walked through a giant spider web. Yeah I've seen that happen.

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Boxing. Mma.

They are striking at your face. That's not fancy.

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Making love on the beach.

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Being seriously famous.

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Being a doctor. I've had clients that are doctors and they feel like that's all anyone sees when they see them and their job severely gets in the way of a social and family life, depending on the specialty of course.

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Writing a novel. People don’t necessarily think it’s easy, but even when you’re on a roll it’s the biggest time suck. It’s not something you can squeeze in before work as a permanent routine. .

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Growing up poor and on the streets. I get it you persevered through that s**t but dont make it seem like your "for dat street life". want better for yourself.

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Caring for a severely disabled child. My aunt is severely intellectually disabled, 54, and lived with my grandparents until my grandpa died and my grandma was moved to a home with Alzheimer’s- she moved in with us as my dad was her next of kin and it’s been 14 years. She is unable to handle money, book appointments, work, or even cook besides a microwave. She doesn’t remember things at all long term, you can tell her not to do something and you turn around and she’s doing it again. Parents think disabled kids are cute, but the 5 year old severely autistic child with anger issues gets much less cute when he’s 20 and can harm an adult. It’s hard for them to realize that their child, depending on their disability, will never be independent, move out, marry, etc or have the life they imagined. A lot of these parents will take care of them until they die and then the child needs other caretakers after that. It’s a lot of stress on families and relationships as well as finances.

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Living in Paris.
It’s an absolut nightmare.
Don’t get me wrong because it is beautiful. But the quality of life sucks big time in Paris.

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Professional sports. Athletes, coaches, staff, even media. It's nights/weekends/holidays. High stress. Hella hard work. High expectations. Many are paid handsomely, many are paid well but for a short duration, many behind the scenes staff are not paid very well.

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Pulling yourself up your bootstraps. They always say this is the way to go but god dammit, years of 10-12 hour workdays, and a lot of crazy s**t. It's much rougher than you would think. Far more work goes into starting a career for someone who isn't a college graduate than people would think.

Like, you KNOW it's hard work, but until you do it you don't know for real. I've come across so many people who give the bare minimum at work and are surprised when they don't last long at the company. Some people think they're literally entitled to a career/money without the hard work that comes with it.

And yes a lot of achievement is based on chance. But I'm saying what you need to do when you get that chance.

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Some people consider ADHD some sort of "super power". It is absolutely not.

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Being single. You spend a lot of time by yourself and are always figuring out who you can invite out to the places you want to go so you don’t need to go alone. There’s no automatic companion.

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Being alone, dating yourself/solo dates, & healing. It’s incredibly lonely and tough & so easy to slip into bad thoughts.

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Working in the beauty industry. I am a professional makeup artist, and everyone thinks it's so glamorous and fun. Because you get to look cute, make people feel beautiful and all that.

Yes it is fun, but that is only 10 percent of it all. Its TOUGH, its mentally draining, its EXPENSIVE, it's not an easy career and I wish people would see that instead of thinking its some fun glam job. It's so much more, it's tough, tiring, you get neck, back, wrist problems.... but it is absolutely wonderful if it's your passion. I feel blessed to own my business of 10 years working amazing people and worked with some cool people and did some great gigs. I don't know how those higher up makeup artist do it, ....I can't believe the pressure they face but anyways, thought id share. All jobs in the beauty industry are TOUGH!

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Working from home.

It's great at first, but it can get lonely very quickly and there are a lot of distractions at home you never think about. Not saying the benefits aren't worth it, but I sometimes wish I could escape from work! Can't do that when it's always around you.

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Being in a toxic and overly protective relationship.

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Learned this today;

Don’t become a married farmer w/ kids ✔️.

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Pregnancy 
Depression 
Eating disorders .

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