Ahhh, rocks - the blandest things on Earth. They lay around for millennia without doing much. They come in the bleakest shades of gray, and they impose their authority by being basically immobile. Also, by inflicting pain on your big toe if you're not careful enough. On the other hand, the same qualities make them unbelievably funny. Don't believe it? Well then, check out these impossible rock jokes we've compiled on this list and try to keep a stone-cold face while reading them. We double dare you.
So, jokes about rocks, am I right? The topic sounds as clumsy as the culprit itself unless it is about The Rock, and you’re still doubting that these silly jokes will make you laugh. But you know, time and again, we've proved that the lamer the topic, the funnier the jokes. And the same goes for these jokes about stones!
If before reading them, you wouldn't even dare to think about being amused the slightest bit, then once you're done, you might find yourself wet with tears of joy and abs cramping from hysterical hee-hawing. Well, for one, it did happen to us, and we cannot say we were entirely displeased with the experience. So, hopefully, these funny jokes about rocks will cast the same spell on you.
Well then, are you ready for some very charming stone jokes that we've prepared? If so, scroll on down below and check them out! After you're done reading and have cleaned the fountains of joyous tears from your cheeks, give the best jokes your vote and share this article with your friends.
Why was the geologist sad?
Because his marriage was on the rocks.
Report
What do lazy rocks do?
Sit around all day getting stoned.
Report
Which magazine do rocks subscribe to?
The Rolling Stone.
Report
What did the one volcano say to the other volcano?
Nice ash!
Report
My wife told me she is thinking about selling Egyptian rocks.
It sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
Report
What do you call it when two carbons are in a relationship?
Carbon dating.
Report
Why was the sedimentary rock collection so cheap?
Because it was on Shale.
Report
What did the rock do when it rolled down the road?
It rock 'n' rolled.
Report
Why were the rock couple breaking up?
Because they took each other for granite.
Report
Why was the geologist confused at the new mineral he discovered?
Because its whereabouts weren't crystal clear.
Report
Why did the two volcanoes face problems in their relationship?
Because they were star crossed lavas.
Report
Why did the rock decide to hit the gym?
Because he wanted to be bigger and boulder.
Report
Why did the rock couple break up?
Because they couldn't comet to each other.
Report
What do you call a criminal rock?
Scum of the Earth.
Report
Where do the posh stones live?
Rockefeller Street!
Report
What do you call a rock that bunks school?
A skipping stone.
Report
What is rock's favorite fruit?
A pome-granite.
Report
Why was the gemstone scared for his exams?
Because he thought he wasn't going topaz.
Report
Why don't the giant limestones like the smaller ones?
Because they don't like small chalk.
Report
Why was the coal's alibi suspicious?
Because it wasn't crystal clear.
Report
Why was the rock unprogressive?
Because it was stuck in the Stonehenge!
Report
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
Report
What did the young rock say about failing his tests?
I don't want to talc about it.
Report
Why did the rock choke at his stand up show?
Because there was too much pressure.
Report
Why were the rock couple getting a divorce?
Because their relationship had eroded!
Report
Why was the geologist boring at the party?
Because he liked to be stone-cold sober!
Report
How does a geologist show their displeasure?
They give the coal shoulder.
Report
Why did the rock have seizures on seeing the light show?
Because it was epilithic.
Report
May the quartz be with you!
Report
I’m going to look for gems this weekend, and I may need your assi-stones.
Report
What's a geologist’s favorite restaurant?
Hard Rock Cafe.
Report
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I lava you so much.
Report
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Report
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Report
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Report
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
Report
What did the diamond say to its friend copper?
Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
Report
Why isn’t it safe for a rock to marry a piece of paper?
Because paper beats rock.
Report
Who is a geologist’s favorite actor?
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Report
What is a geologist’s favorite type of music?
Hard rock.
Report
Why do hipsters like rocks?
They’re underground.
Report
Did you hear about the rock dating the stone?
It was not just a plutonic relationship.
Report
How was the rock and the stone’s relationship at first?
Solid.
Report
What did the geologist say when he collected 69 rocks?
Gneiss.
Report
Why was the boulder emotionless?
Because it had a heart of stone.
Report
Why was the meteor shower that wiped out the dinosaurs necessary for Earth?
Because it was for the crater good.
Report
What do they do with a dead geologist?
They barium.
Report
Why was the geologist considering changing his profession?
Because he had hit rock bottom.
Report
Why was the geologist puzzled at the comedy show?
Because some of the jokes fluorite over his head.
Report
Why did the geologist drown?
Because he was below C-level.
Report
Why did the rock take spoken English lessons?
To help it talk boulder.
Report
Why was the geologist arrested?
Because he got caught for pyrite-ing.
Report
What did the rock order at the bar?
Soda on the rocks.
Report
Why do geologists tell old jokes?
Because they dig them out!
Report
Why are miners carefree?
Because they mine their own business!
Report
What do you call a rock that complains?
A whine-stone!
Report
Why was the beach sad?
Because it had been shingle all its life.
Report
What did the geologist tell his apprentice?
"Either don't do it or diorite!"
Report
Why was the geologist's dietician worried about him?
Because he looked stony!
Report
What do you call an unpleasant pebble?
A rude-ite.
Report
Why was the limestone sad?
Because dissolving was a karst!
Report
Why was the ground concerned after the earthquake?
Because it became the epi-center of attention!
Report
Why did the geologist not go out at night?
Because he wanted to wait tillite!
Report
Nothing to quarry about — you’ll do great on your science exam!
Report
I’m coal as a cucumber!
Report
My rock collection has so much sedimental value.
Report
You know the old saying — igneous is bliss.
Report
A tour of a volcano would really magma day.
Report
It takes a boulder person to read through this list of puns.
Report
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Report
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Report
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Report
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know some really “dirty” jokes.
Report
Who is a geologist’s favorite comedian?
Chris Rock.
Report
What kind of rocks are sour?
Limestone.
Report
I saw a sign that said “Falling rocks”.
I tried. It doesn’t.
Report
I’m not sure why rocks cost so much in England.
I mean, one stone is 14 pounds for crying out loud!
Report
Why did the rocks bury themselves under the earth?
Because it was their strata-gy to hide!
Report
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
Because there was friction between them.
Report
What do you call a dubious rock?
A shamrock.
Report
What do geologists use for hygiene?
Geoderant.
Report
What did the geologist girlfriend tell her boyfriend before breaking up?
It's not you; it's the fault in our stars.
Report
What can't minerals lie?
Because they're in their pure form.
Report
Why was the geologist unable to figure out the age of the newly discovered rock?
Because they couldn't get an app-rocks-imate reading of the period.
Report
Why was the geologist so stunned at his fame?
Because it was a meteoric rise!
Report
Why are igneous rocks hipsters?
Because they were magma before it was cool!
Report
Why was the limestone arrested?
For Basalt and Battery.
Report
Why are limestones ignored?
Because they're too chalkative for their liking.
Report
What did the miner say when he was asked to take over his friend's shift?
"Don't quarry I've got this!"
Report
What happened to the rock after continuous hours of interrogation?
It finally cracked!
Report
Why were the limestones inseparable?
Because they were a tufa one deal!
Report
Why was the rock hesitant to start his work?
Because he was stuck in corundum!
Report
What happens when you throw a stone at a phone?
It gets bricked!
Report
What do geologists use to clean themselves?
Soapstone.
Report
What is a geologist's favorite breakfast?
Granola-r.
Report
Why was the geologist displeased with his birthday gift?
Because all he got was a lousy chert!
Report
How do you get a geologist girlfriend?
You best esker out!
Report
What do baby rock wear?
Diapirs.
Report
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Cirque.
Cirque who?
Cirque and you will find it!
Report
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shale.
Shale who?
Shale, we dance?!
Report
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Geode.
Geode who?
Geode bless you!
Report
The geologist was found guilty in a quartz of law.
Report
I’ve had a rough day, but I don’t want to chalk about it.
Report
Sherrock Holmes’ famous line is: “Sedimentary, my dear Watstone.”
Report
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
Report
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Report
What did the one volcano say to the other volcano?
"Hey, do you want to be my lava?"
Report
Why don’t geologists argue?
They’re too pelite.
Report
Why was the criminal rock acquitted?
Because his alibi was rock solid.
Report
Why was the geologist never hungry?
Because he lost his apatite.
Report
Why did the miner get angry at little things?
Because he couldn't keep his coal.
Report
Where do rocks sleep?
In bedrocks.
Report
What did the boy rock do before his geography test?
Rosetta stone-d the syllabus.
Report
Why was the geologist tired of his tedious work?
Because it was mostly boring.
Report
What did the smaller volcano say after it saw the larger one erupt?
"That's a tuff act to follow."
Report
What happened after the geologist finished his work?
It was a lode off his shoulders.
Report
Why was the boulder unbothered by its broken piece?
Because it was just a fragment of his existence!
Report
Why was the brick so arrogant?
Because it was the cornerstone of a large building!
Report
Where do you take an injured rock?
To the Rocktor!
Report
Why was the rock not quick to jump to a conclusion?
Because it was a bit pegmatite!
Report
Why did the geologist turn on the TV?
Because he wanted to see the feld-spar against each other.
Report
What happened to sediments that were blown away by the air?
It turned out to be a colossal loess for a lot of people.
Report
Why did the geologist quit his job?
Because he wanted to start on a clean slate.
Report
What did the doctor prescribe to the sick geologist?
Tech-tonic.
Report
Why was the geologist agitated?
Because he had lost his marbles!
Report
Why did the Geologist binge-watch Lost?
Because he loved the Island Arc.
Report
What does a geologist who works as a part-time musician play?
A drum-lin!
Report
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gneiss.
Gneiss who?
Gneiss to meet you!
Report
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Trick.
Trick who?
Trick ore treat!
Report
This book about rocks is a fascinating pebble-cation.
Report
Did you see the geologist towing a crate of rocks behind his car?
He had a wide lode sign.
Report
The new geology teacher hasn’t had it easy — he got off to a rocky start.
Report
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Report
How did the rock feel when he got covered in algae?
He was lichen it.
Report
Which rock group is made up of four men who can’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Report
Why was the geologist let go from his job?
Because he was an alkalic.
Report
What happened to the geologist who immersed himself entirely in studies?
He went mantle!
Report
Why was the geologist disgusted by the coarse sand fragments?
Because he found them to be grus!
Report
What would Lewis Carroll's story be called if it was set in Prehistoric times?
It would be best if it was called 'Alice in Gondwana-daland'.
Report
Where do chefs keep their ingredients for continental food while preparing them for people?
On the Continental Shelf.
Report
My geologist friend had some great news for us, which he just couldn't wait to talus!
Report
Why was the geologist's salary on hold?
His employer would, in the best case, increase it granitoid he passed them valuable information.
Report
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
