Article created by: Da Dragon Queen

Swearing is a common way for people to express their emotions and frustrations, but it can also be a source of conflict or discomfort in certain social and professional situations. For some individuals, swearing may be explicitly prohibited by their workplace, religious beliefs, or personal values. In these cases, finding alternative phrases or euphemisms can be a useful way to express oneself without risking offense or punishment.

I’m not allowed to swear so I say stuff like "freaking", "shoot" and most notably "fudgeknuckles" to avoid punishment. I’ve heard stuff like "frubida" and have recently adopted "shiitake" and I’m eager to hear what you say. I also wanted to find out what are the other alternatives people use, so I decided to ask the Bored Panda community: “What is the most ridiculous thing you say so you don’t swear?” Scroll down to see what the answers were.

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#1

Cookies on a table with a blurred background, illustrating ridiculous alternatives to swearing. 1. Mother-father 2. Dog farts 3. Got-dandruff-some-of-it-itches 4. Son of a biscuit

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Binky Melnik
Binky Melnik
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8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It took me far, FAR too long to figure out number three, and I simply can’t decipher number two. Someone help, please?

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    #2

    A knight in armor raising a sword and shield, symbolizing ridiculous things said to avoid swearing. I would imagine someone swearing in medieval languages, like thou art a cookie or something.

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    #3

    Basket filled with fresh mushrooms, a culinary alternative in discussions without swearing. fudge nuggets, gosh dang nabbit and shiitaki mudhrooms.

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    #4

    Close-up of a pen on a notebook, symbolizing the creativity in avoiding swear words with ridiculous sayings. Fekkin' is one of my favorites. That and "for the love of ballpoint pens".

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    #5

    Spices and herbs displayed in glass containers, featuring anise and cinnamon sticks. One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.

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    #6

    Close-up of a monkey with curious eyes in a natural setting. "Monkeyface". Do you want to hear the evolution of why I say that? If not, too bad. So, when I was little, I liked Spy Kids. The main character, Carmen, says "Oh, shiitake mushrooms" bc she can't curse. So I started saying it until my mom told me it was an actual curse word (oops). My mom says "shmonks" when she's trying not to curse, which is a derivative of "shiitake mushrooms". So I started saying "monkeyface".And now when I stub my toe I scream: ‘Holy goodness!’, but the ‘monkeyface’ thing was cool for a while.

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    Binky Melnik
    Binky Melnik
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    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He forgot to tell us the genesis of “monkey face” in all that. 🙄

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    #7

    Fluffy puppy mid-jump on a grassy path, showcasing its curly coat and playful expression in a cheerful setting. Dirty poodles. Worked in an animal shelter for a spell and also am certified in pet grooming. Ever try to groom a very dirty poodle?

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    #8

    Green parrot with a serious expression, capturing a humorous moment related to ridiculous things people say. I just try to run out of momentum before I get to the swear words, so something like, "Dirty rotten lousy miserable pathetic excuse for a..." until I eventually give up.

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    #9

    A man hugging a happy dog in a scenic outdoor setting. I hug my dog instead of swearing. Don't ask why, I don't know.

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    #10

    Crackers topped with soft cheese on a wooden board, garnished with basil, knife nearby. Pants, shoes, and 'oh for the love of cheese and crackers'.

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    #11

    Bowl of guacamole with tomatoes and lime, surrounded by cilantro and chips on a wooden board. Holy guacamole!

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    #12

    A hand holding a folded white shirt over a marble surface, with folded shirts in the background. Shirt, like from The Good Place.

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    #13

    Hockey players in action on the ice, competing intensely for puck control. What in Cthulhu's name and H-E-Single Asgardian Hockey Stick.

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    #14

    Assorted colorful fudge and candies displayed at a market, showcasing an array of tempting sweets. Grasshole and fudge.

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    #15

    Modern kitchen with white cabinets, granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances, reflecting a bright and clean space. You absolute- followed by any word you want. Examples are you absolute dishwasher, you absolute fridge, you absolute chicken-headed dog water. If you want actual swearwords substitutes I’m not that helpful since almost everyone just uses the actual word here.

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    #16

    Person holding a Bible and tulips, symbolizing alternative expressions to swearing. Not really bizarre, but I say ‘What the Fred’ and ‘Holy Sharon’.

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    #17

    Colorful graffiti wall featuring whimsical art and phrases, capturing ridiculous things people say without swearing. "Frickadoodle"

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    #18

    Fierce husky walking down a path, conveying determination and intensity, set against a blurred natural background. I growl deeply. I dunno why, but I do it all the time. They aren't quiet little growls either. My poor throat. . .

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    #19

    Dog and cat playfully interacting on grass, capturing a lighthearted moment without swearing. "Puppies and kittens!!!" and when that's not enough, "Puppies and kittens everywhere!".

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    #20

    Person cooking in a food stand, adjusting a steaming crepe, with blurred street scene in the background. Holy crepe

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    #21

    Red lollipop on a white stick against a soft pink background; a playful scene related to ridiculous things people say. Ahh, Fudgesicles, and Lollipops! Not sure how my brain came up with it but it works.

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    #22

    Red sunset with dark clouds creating a dramatic sky. MotherHell

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    #23

    I just scream. Really loud. Feels way better than any words can express.

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    #24

    Pantry containers labeled fructose, buckwheat, and rice, neatly organized on a shelf. One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.

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