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30 Rich Folks That Tied The Knot With Their Less Fortunate Partners Reveal What Shocked Them The Most About Their Ex-Life
Even though there have been a few kinds of research stating that opposites do not attract and that people tend to fall for those with whom they share similarities, it's still a question of preferences. Some folks feel more comfortable spending their time with people that have a similar lifestyle or share a mutual interest – others find it exciting when their significant other is a complete contrast to their personality.
Either way, it's impossible to have a totally identical mindset to your partner, which is why every relationship is prone to surprises. Though, of course, sometimes being different than your lover is way more fun.
For instance, this Redditor decided to ask fellow online users who came from a more abundant background and are in a relationship with someone whose life was less fortunate to share what surprised them the most about their partner's previous life. The post received over 65K upvotes and nearly 22K worth of comments sharing an array of stories.
More info: Reddit
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#1
My husband grew up in a family where they were comfortable but on a strict budget. Six kids and mom on disability. My family had no budget.
One day we were at the grocery store and he always insists on walking up and down every aisle. I finally lost it because he was taking so long and asked him why he did it.
“Growing up we could only spend $100 a week on groceries for all of us. I always had to put what I wanted back because we couldn’t afford it. Now I can afford whatever I want so I like to look at everything I could have.”
Took him 10 years to tell me this. I felt like a terrible person.
RELATED:
#2
I came from a family worth multi-millions. My wife came from a family who could barely eat and dealt with CPS at times.
We fell in love in high school. We've been married for 12 years and love each other more each day.
About 5 years into our relationship, I realized how weak I was in comparison to her strength. And realized that much of what I had growing up, while providing a net of safety, produced feelings and issues of anxiety. On the contrary, when we faced adversity in our earlier years, my wife was a solid rock. I don't mean this to sound insensitive but at times, I am envious of what she experienced growing up as because it has made her an amazing human being full of strength and peace. Nothing phases her.
I was told by people outside of my immediate family (friends and others) how there would be challenges with our demographics being so vastly different. The only challenge I've found is on her end having to deal with someone who had so much given to them growing up out of good intentions from their parents and her being so gracious and strong in helping me overcome my weaknesses.
#3
My wife grew up poor in Appalachia in a big extended. What surprised me was how freely they share money with each other. They'll just loan each other a few hundred casually, with no real expectation of repayment. Car repair, water heater fails, need a new roof, boom here's some cash. That's unheard of in my wealthy family.
#4
My wife was born and raised in the Soviet Union. She still goes crazy for fresh fruit like its the most extravagant luxury.
#5
I'm not rich at all but my husband came from a very poor Mexican village. He told me he used to shower outside (because there was no in-house plumbing) and use leaves as toilet paper. I mean, there's poor, and there's my husband's-previous-life poor.
He's been living in the US for 12 years now but when we first met it was so interesting seeing life through his child-like eyes. Going to the cinema was a huge event for him. Heating food up in a microwave was a totally foreign concept. And staying at fancy hotels when we went on vacation was like WOAH. I still see him surprised by things now and then and it just reminds me how much I take my middle status class for granted.
#6
When the family had people over for dinner, if they ended the prayer before the meal with "F. H. B., Amen." it was a signal to let the children know that they don't have enough food for everyone, so take smaller servings and let the guests get a regular serving.
FHB = "Family, hold back."
They were always generous to their friends and didn't let their lack of funds embarrass themselves when doing so.
#7
Making financial decisions based around the three paycheck month.
If you're paid every two weeks, most months you get two paychecks, and all of your monthly bills and budgeting is based on those two paychecks. But twice a year there are three paydays in a month, and that's when you can actually solve problems. That's when you can get the car registered, or fix the dryer, or get the cat spayed.
The other 10 months you're doing maintenance and trying to scrape by. Three paycheck months you can actually try to fix problems.
#8
This is super embarrassing and will probably make you all hate me if it even gets any attention but:
I come from a family just a bit higher than the top 1%. I was walking out of my ex's garage and I saw a lawn mower. I asked her why they owned their own lawn mower if they weren't in the landscaping business.
That was the day I learned most people don't hire other people to mow their lawn.
I was 20
#9
I am not rich by any measure. Ex was not really that poor. After we married I found out until she was 23 and married to me she had never bathed in more than 2 inches of water. I filled the tub and bathed her myself. She cried.
#10
Honestly, food insecurity. When we were first married she would get visibly uneasy if the food in the house was running low. She never overate or anything, she was just always concerned about it. A lot of times when she was younger, she went hungry.
On the humorous side though, she hates camping. Her answer is always the same: I camped because it was fun, she camped because they couldn't afford hotels.
#11
My SO said "Today I made rent" meaning "today I've earned enough/accumulated enough to pay the rent" and I realized that this is a monthly accomplishment to someone with no fixed income/salary.
#12
My wife genuinely thought, and her family still does, that there is a direct relationship between someone's net worth and the labels they purchase. If someone doesn't have a Gucci bag or a Rolex watch, why, it's because they can't afford it! My wife was astonished when I first told her that people exist that are ultra wealthy and yet drive old cars and wear clothes without labels.
#13
Answering as a poor person whose partner’s family is rich. I about fell outta my chair the first time we went out to eat, and he ordered an appetizer in addition to his entree. That’s when I knew.
#14
I grew up in a rich family and married someone who grew up dirt poor. I guess what really took me a long time to get used to was genuine empathy. Actually empathizing with emotion instead of etiquette, making moral decisions in the moment based on how it might actually make the other person feel. My family is a bunch of stoics. They act based on set rules and think that emotion is stupid and should be ignored entirely.
#15
It's a celebration when a hot dog bun is used for your hot dog instead of a slice of bread.
#16
We live in the southeast, my husband grew up wealthy. He grew up skiing and they always went to Colorado to ski. We go on a big family ski trip with his parents about every other year. He didn’t realize for a while why people thought he grew up rich, one day I asked him “Do you tell them you go skiing?” He knew skiing is expensive, but it never clicked for him that going skiing on a regular basis from a region where you have to fly out is a huge wealth marker.
#17
Both came from poor backgrounds. Hubby now earns 6 figures. I still buy my clothes from a charity shop because I cannot ever fathom why you’d spend £400 on shoes and bags “for a season”. You can buy designer clothes in a charity shop if you know what you’re looking for.
I think M&S and Waitrose are just overpriced when you can get a trolley FULL of fresh food and eat like kings at Aldi for £100. I don’t do takeaway food.
Funny story though, when we first got together I was making a spaghetti dinner and grabbed a bottle of red wine off his shelf to add to the sauce. I didn’t know what £45 bottle of wine was, and still think it tasted pretty ordinary. And I drink a LOT of wine.
#18
She and her mother lived with her grandfather to not be homeless because her grandfather owned a house.
She was putting community college payments on her credit card and building debt with it.
I paid off her credit cards when we were dating and she cried from me being so nice (it was only like 1,300 bucks). I bought a condo, then we got married, then we bought a house. I never really considered myself rich until i started dating her and learned that a trip to Wendy's was a treat. I grew up middle class, and we are currently middle class, heh.
#19
Sandwiches. When I made him a sandwich I only put one thin slice of meat in it. He couldn't believe that was how I had sandwiches growing up.
#20
She wouldn't waste any food, ever. We went through a few rounds of her getting sick from eating month-old muffins and similar before I convinced her it was OK to toss old food and go shopping.
#21
The prevailing mindset in his community growing up that insurance was something only rich people had. Not health insurance, mind you (well, not just health insurance). Auto insurance. Going without it was a way of life for most everyone he knew.
#22
Eating leftovers.
Not using A/C.
Shopping around an abnormal amount to save a marginal amount of money on something.
Coupons.
Looking at gas prices.
Driving across town to save a buck.
Not knowing the value of Time over Money
#23
Hamburger Helper. She hates it because it would be her meal 5x a week growing up.
I had never even seen HH before I went to college and love that stuff. 10 for $10 deals are awesome.
#24
Not rich but with a partner who was raised by a teen mom and grew up poor. Sometimes I just want rice and vegetables for dinner. That's a no from her. She won't go back.
#25
Not married, but dating (I’m in college for reference). I’m the daughter of a multi-millionaire, and I never knew just how many things were easily doable by hand. He did an oil change for me the other day, and I feel kinda cheated that I used to pay so much for it.
#26
im not married, but my girlfriend of 4 years doesn't have alot of the childhood experiences and skills I took for granted that most people had. Like never learning how to ride a bike, how to swim, never having gone camping or seen snow (we live only a few hours away from seasonal snow)
#27
He doesn't remember any of his teachers names because he never stayed in one place more than a few months.
#28
When we moved in together, I found out that she was putting her share of the rent on her credit card, with no real plan for how to pay it off.
#29
Long term dating. Pets. I was always surprised by the number of pets she and her family had living in the trailer and how much of a share of their income they spent on them.
#30
Lice -- I had never experienced them (our kids got them from the inlaws)
I didn't know about Section 8.
I'd never heard of the Earned Income Credit (e.g. you get more back in taxes than you paid).
You go to the E.R. because you don't have insurance.
What do you think ?
PitbullmomAF 2 years ago
I grew up low middle class (enlisted military), but my husband grew up very poor. He was on his own and homeless by 14. He worked and went to school then joined the military. He never liked red meat because he hadn't tasted it until he was about 10. He won't eat minute rice either. We budget our money, but he goes out of his way to spoil the people that he loves. I have to tell him that I don't need anything because he constantly wants to give me things. He always overtips, gives to homeless/ charities, because at one time people gave to him.
JJ 2 years ago (edited)
You remind me of something I experienced often: My family never had much money and really struggled from time to time, but if there was a friend or family member struggling even more to an existential point, then they'd try to give a little bit (and if it was only a meal or clothes). Later in life I re-experienced it with friends and with my in laws. Sometimes it was only about 5 or 10 Euros to make a difference. And this is what we did and what others did for us. On the other hand side, some old friends of my husband who were not wealthy or something but never experienced struggling to pay for food or the like, never even thought about doing that. I don't know if it's because the amount or gesture is like nothing to them or because they simply didn't bother...
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Susie Elle 2 years ago
Growing up me and my sister were well taken care of, but we were also pretty poor so my mom had to bend over backwards to make ends meet every moth. Often she would go and take bikerides by herself in the evenings for about an hour just to clear her head of all the worrying about money (I later learned this - my dad generated the income but my mom took care of finances). She taught me to save, always save money. I now have a pretty good financial buffer and a decent paying job, but every time I spend a sum of money on something for myself I feel awkward and decadent about it for weeks.
Jo Choto 2 years ago
I've experienced some reasonable extremes of poverty and wealth. I'm nowhere near the richest I've been, but I'm comfortable enough now. But I have lived among people who truly had nothing and people who had everything, and I would choose the poorest of the poor every time as human beings (even though I wish they weren't so poor for their sake).
Memere 2 years ago
Same here. Altho I have known 1 or 2 wealthy people who were very decent humans - they didn't live high on the hog, and they contributed a lot to those who had less, both in money & in actual work on the streets.
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Stephanie Keith 2 years ago
Does anyone else experience others putting them down for not being a materialistic person, or just being ok with existing and having what you need? I'm asking because lately I've noticed some of my close family telling me because I'm not into money and only desire to have no more than I need. They are saying I'm lazy and have no goals or ambition. Does anyone else experience this when it comes to financial situations?
Roman Hans 2 years ago (edited)
Not sure if this is the same. I grew up poor so my only dream was getting out. I did, when I was fifteen ... and then I was lost. That was my only goal. I didn't realize I needed ambition too. Years later a "friend" asked if I'd been hunting, fishing, skiing, camping, surfing, etc. I said no. He said I was lucky to have no interests because then it was easy for me to save. All I heard was the insult, "You grew up so poor you never learned how to have fun."
Load More Replies...
Katherine Dobias 2 years ago
4 summers ago, my friends and I went to california and grand canyon for a road trip. Before we went to the grand canyon, we stopped in san diego for 5 days to stay with a friend. We made friends with someone and brought him with us to another friend's house who had a pool, open buffet, really nice place. We ate so much, swam, etc. Spent the whole day there. I thought wow it would be so nice to have a place like this and then our new friend said it would be nice to have any kind of place and that he's homeless. We were shocked. He didn't look homeless (no offense). I asked where he's living. He said in his car. He parked it two streets down so we wouldn't see it. He was trying to find work at the time. He used to work in a restaurant. I've had him on fb since. His recent post showed a picture of him and a gf with their new baby born.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
My husband is, after 30 years, still surprised by the "culture clash" we have b/c he was raised very well-off and I was definitely not.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
I grew up as upper middle class, though in my small hometown we were definitely considered well off. It wasn't till I moved away and into an apartment that I realized how out of touch I was. I didn't know how to do anything, I had no idea how to be an adult. He was easing by without struggle. I had my own big bedroom growing up, had food at my beck and call, my own bathroom and always took for granted that my electricity and water were running, I didn't know NOT having those was an option. He grew up the oldest of four siblings, a three bedroom house with only one bathroom, his dad made many questionable choices with the family money that often lead to electricity cut off, food rationing, ect. My husband now has a great paying job and we still have more money than his parents, while his youngest brother took over mortgage payments to make sure his mother has a roof over her head. Again, these are things I took for granted, I didn't know it could be taken away.
Beatrice Multhaupt 2 years ago
my ex was born in Germany in 1943. His hometown then became part of East Germany and for the next 7 years, most people there struggled with food shortages. Fast forward 40 years: the man is now a university professor but every time he goes to a restaurant, he piles tons of food on his plate, no matter how often he is told he can go back for seconds. Just can't beat the habit.
Jenn Duns 2 years ago
When my ex told me he grew up in a house with only one bathroom. My house had more bathrooms than people.
Ellen Ranks 2 years ago
Huh. Most people I know have a home with 1 bathroom, that's standard even for middle calss homes. 2 bathrooms is exceptional. Must be a regional thing....
Load More Replies...
Rebecca Olds 2 years ago
There have been a few differences between my fiance and me. 1. His family didn't meal plan for the week and usually didn't figure it out till close to dinner time. As such it's hard to get him involved in the meal planning now that he lives with me and my family. 2. When we go down to see his parents if it's not the heat of summer the a/c unit in his room wont be turned on at all. I had to beg last time because it was a much warmer late fall than usual and i was having trouble sleeping because i would get too hot. 3. If his account hits $50, he wont doing anything else even if im way lower in money. We're learning each day how to understand each other. I'm also attempting to teach him some basic cooking so that i dont have to all the time. It's a slow process but it has helped.
Tamera Gardner 2 years ago
Driving through the barrio my husband asks “what’s with all these people walking?” I asked if he’d ever lived in a poor neighborhood and he said he hadn’t. I had to explain to him that not everyone has a car.
Lola G 2 years ago
I think the ski thing is the most revealing marker, even if a rich family don't show off their money in everyone's face. When my best friend told me that she'd been skiing only once, thanks to her school, while I'd been skiing a few times with my family already, that's when I realized that despite my family's habits and whatever my mom will tell you, we were actually rich.
Pungent Sauce 2 years ago
I was floored the 1st time I went into rich (ex) GF’s house and saw the house I grew up in would easily fit into the ‘great room’. I was just as floored when she was rude to waitstaff and checkout people. I don’t miss her.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
Really interesting to read this because it shows just how radically poor most people in africa are. The "poor" that is described in this article is what we'd consider "lower class", meaning not destitute and living in a shack, but poor enough to not be welcome at the elites' dinner tables. The people here that we consider poor are as you see on TV - shacks, no jobs, no bank accounts, no convenient car to sleep in, no possessions apart from some tatty clothes and maybe a TV or portable gas stove (cooker). It's really shocking. Basically what you'd call "homeless". poor-white...757186.jpg 
Bobby 2 years ago
I owned an apartment. AC, vacations, nice meals, nice furniture etc. Now I live in a single room, with the wife and 3 children. Low income, not-enough-furniture or other luxuries. Why ? Just because of a toxic wife. She just interfere in each and everything in my life, knowing that she has no experience and education at all. I still live with her.
Mewton’s Third Paw 2 years ago
You’re poor because you blame others for your stupid decision making processes.
Load More Replies... PitbullmomAF 2 years ago
I grew up low middle class (enlisted military), but my husband grew up very poor. He was on his own and homeless by 14. He worked and went to school then joined the military. He never liked red meat because he hadn't tasted it until he was about 10. He won't eat minute rice either. We budget our money, but he goes out of his way to spoil the people that he loves. I have to tell him that I don't need anything because he constantly wants to give me things. He always overtips, gives to homeless/ charities, because at one time people gave to him.
JJ 2 years ago (edited)
You remind me of something I experienced often: My family never had much money and really struggled from time to time, but if there was a friend or family member struggling even more to an existential point, then they'd try to give a little bit (and if it was only a meal or clothes). Later in life I re-experienced it with friends and with my in laws. Sometimes it was only about 5 or 10 Euros to make a difference. And this is what we did and what others did for us. On the other hand side, some old friends of my husband who were not wealthy or something but never experienced struggling to pay for food or the like, never even thought about doing that. I don't know if it's because the amount or gesture is like nothing to them or because they simply didn't bother...
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 2 years ago
Growing up me and my sister were well taken care of, but we were also pretty poor so my mom had to bend over backwards to make ends meet every moth. Often she would go and take bikerides by herself in the evenings for about an hour just to clear her head of all the worrying about money (I later learned this - my dad generated the income but my mom took care of finances). She taught me to save, always save money. I now have a pretty good financial buffer and a decent paying job, but every time I spend a sum of money on something for myself I feel awkward and decadent about it for weeks.
Jo Choto 2 years ago
I've experienced some reasonable extremes of poverty and wealth. I'm nowhere near the richest I've been, but I'm comfortable enough now. But I have lived among people who truly had nothing and people who had everything, and I would choose the poorest of the poor every time as human beings (even though I wish they weren't so poor for their sake).
Memere 2 years ago
Same here. Altho I have known 1 or 2 wealthy people who were very decent humans - they didn't live high on the hog, and they contributed a lot to those who had less, both in money & in actual work on the streets.
Load More Replies... Stephanie Keith 2 years ago
Does anyone else experience others putting them down for not being a materialistic person, or just being ok with existing and having what you need? I'm asking because lately I've noticed some of my close family telling me because I'm not into money and only desire to have no more than I need. They are saying I'm lazy and have no goals or ambition. Does anyone else experience this when it comes to financial situations?
Roman Hans 2 years ago (edited)
Not sure if this is the same. I grew up poor so my only dream was getting out. I did, when I was fifteen ... and then I was lost. That was my only goal. I didn't realize I needed ambition too. Years later a "friend" asked if I'd been hunting, fishing, skiing, camping, surfing, etc. I said no. He said I was lucky to have no interests because then it was easy for me to save. All I heard was the insult, "You grew up so poor you never learned how to have fun."
Load More Replies... Katherine Dobias 2 years ago
4 summers ago, my friends and I went to california and grand canyon for a road trip. Before we went to the grand canyon, we stopped in san diego for 5 days to stay with a friend. We made friends with someone and brought him with us to another friend's house who had a pool, open buffet, really nice place. We ate so much, swam, etc. Spent the whole day there. I thought wow it would be so nice to have a place like this and then our new friend said it would be nice to have any kind of place and that he's homeless. We were shocked. He didn't look homeless (no offense). I asked where he's living. He said in his car. He parked it two streets down so we wouldn't see it. He was trying to find work at the time. He used to work in a restaurant. I've had him on fb since. His recent post showed a picture of him and a gf with their new baby born.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
My husband is, after 30 years, still surprised by the "culture clash" we have b/c he was raised very well-off and I was definitely not.
LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago
I grew up as upper middle class, though in my small hometown we were definitely considered well off. It wasn't till I moved away and into an apartment that I realized how out of touch I was. I didn't know how to do anything, I had no idea how to be an adult. He was easing by without struggle. I had my own big bedroom growing up, had food at my beck and call, my own bathroom and always took for granted that my electricity and water were running, I didn't know NOT having those was an option. He grew up the oldest of four siblings, a three bedroom house with only one bathroom, his dad made many questionable choices with the family money that often lead to electricity cut off, food rationing, ect. My husband now has a great paying job and we still have more money than his parents, while his youngest brother took over mortgage payments to make sure his mother has a roof over her head. Again, these are things I took for granted, I didn't know it could be taken away.
Beatrice Multhaupt 2 years ago
my ex was born in Germany in 1943. His hometown then became part of East Germany and for the next 7 years, most people there struggled with food shortages. Fast forward 40 years: the man is now a university professor but every time he goes to a restaurant, he piles tons of food on his plate, no matter how often he is told he can go back for seconds. Just can't beat the habit.
Jenn Duns 2 years ago
When my ex told me he grew up in a house with only one bathroom. My house had more bathrooms than people.
Ellen Ranks 2 years ago
Huh. Most people I know have a home with 1 bathroom, that's standard even for middle calss homes. 2 bathrooms is exceptional. Must be a regional thing....
Load More Replies... Rebecca Olds 2 years ago
There have been a few differences between my fiance and me. 1. His family didn't meal plan for the week and usually didn't figure it out till close to dinner time. As such it's hard to get him involved in the meal planning now that he lives with me and my family. 2. When we go down to see his parents if it's not the heat of summer the a/c unit in his room wont be turned on at all. I had to beg last time because it was a much warmer late fall than usual and i was having trouble sleeping because i would get too hot. 3. If his account hits $50, he wont doing anything else even if im way lower in money. We're learning each day how to understand each other. I'm also attempting to teach him some basic cooking so that i dont have to all the time. It's a slow process but it has helped.
Tamera Gardner 2 years ago
Driving through the barrio my husband asks “what’s with all these people walking?” I asked if he’d ever lived in a poor neighborhood and he said he hadn’t. I had to explain to him that not everyone has a car.
Lola G 2 years ago
I think the ski thing is the most revealing marker, even if a rich family don't show off their money in everyone's face. When my best friend told me that she'd been skiing only once, thanks to her school, while I'd been skiing a few times with my family already, that's when I realized that despite my family's habits and whatever my mom will tell you, we were actually rich.
Pungent Sauce 2 years ago
I was floored the 1st time I went into rich (ex) GF’s house and saw the house I grew up in would easily fit into the ‘great room’. I was just as floored when she was rude to waitstaff and checkout people. I don’t miss her.
ZAPanda 2 years ago
Really interesting to read this because it shows just how radically poor most people in africa are. The "poor" that is described in this article is what we'd consider "lower class", meaning not destitute and living in a shack, but poor enough to not be welcome at the elites' dinner tables. The people here that we consider poor are as you see on TV - shacks, no jobs, no bank accounts, no convenient car to sleep in, no possessions apart from some tatty clothes and maybe a TV or portable gas stove (cooker). It's really shocking. Basically what you'd call "homeless". poor-white...757186.jpg
Bobby 2 years ago
I owned an apartment. AC, vacations, nice meals, nice furniture etc. Now I live in a single room, with the wife and 3 children. Low income, not-enough-furniture or other luxuries. Why ? Just because of a toxic wife. She just interfere in each and everything in my life, knowing that she has no experience and education at all. I still live with her.
Mewton’s Third Paw 2 years ago
You’re poor because you blame others for your stupid decision making processes.
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