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Updating a resume is one of those tedious parts of finding a new job. Unless you have done it a lot, it can be hard to even quantify your literal life experience into a few bullet points. So it never hurts to seek out some help. Or, if you want to feel better about yourself, take a peek at what not to do.
Someone asked, “Employers, what can someone put on a resume that sends it straight to the shredder?” and netizens shared all the questionable choices they have encountered. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorite examples, and be sure to comment your own thoughts below.
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#1
The only resume I have thrown right in the proverbial shredder was that of the wife of a friend of mine. I was attempting to get her a job at my employer. She had no degree or relevant experience, but we needed a receptionist, and people commonly move up from those jobs into other admin positions. Plus, it's government work, so good benefits, lots of paid holidays, etc. Bottom line, I was doing this underqualified, unemployed person a massive favor by giving her a reference and a chance. We didn't have any other applicants. The job was hers to lose. She didn't know that, so she brought her A game. Here are some excerpts from her cover letter:
"I may not have a degree, but I have what engineers don't have, 10 years of experience."
"Engineers aren't very organized people and I can keep them in line."
"I have better social skills than engineers do."
I am not paraphrasing. Those are things she wrote when she sent me her resume and cover letter to look over before she submitted them online to apply. I was just like, "You know I'm an engineer, right?" She did. I continued, "You know the job you'd be applying for is a receptionist position, not an engineer position, right?" She seemed pretty sure she could move up and be an engineer in a year or so. That is not at all a thing in my field (it's one of those fields where everyone is required to be licensed and you have to have a degree in this just to be allowed to take the exam to get the license), but she was absolutely sure it was.
I told her that if she was going to submit this, she wouldn't be hired because the entire panel was engineers. She didn't listen, and submitted it. She even listed me as a reference. I told my boss she was someone I was trying to help and she wouldn't help herself, which was accurate, but "I've got what engineers don't have, 10 years of experience!" became the office joke for years to come. Every time someone reached the 10 year mark of their career, we'd be like, "You can't be an engineer anymore. The crazy lady said 10 years is the limit." lol
DeoManus Argentem 1 year ago
This sounds like the guy from "Office Space" when he's asked what he does there when the consultants are called in to streamline the operation, "I talk to the clients so they don't have to deal with the engineers, who have no people skills!" (Bad unfunny paraphrase but the same vibe)
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#2
Food service experience applying for entry level call centre job put as her daily duties “wept and moped at the end of every shift”. I’m not gonna lie, I hired her and she was fine. I worked food service and was like where’s the lie?
#3
I received a resume last week that had notes on it “insert relevant skills here” and “maybe change font” “fill this space with buzz words” this was on his LinkedIn profile as well. If you can’t pay attention to the resume you send out I can’t trust you’ll pay attention to anything else.
Mint Sauce 1 year ago
This is so common everywhere now. I don't think people proof read anything these days.
The word résumé itself comes from French (hence the strange pronunciation) and means “to summarize.” Which is a pretty good way to describe turning your entire life into a one-page description. There is some, possibly apocryphal, evidence that it was none other than Leonardo Da Vinci who wrote the first one in order to secure employment. It's somewhat sad that a literal genius still had to go through the same process as the rest of us.
These days, the vast majority of résumés are still a page or two of words, but the age of the internet is slowly switching things up. Now one can find video résumés that folks upload to YouTube, for example, or even send out as TikTok. While it perhaps stands out a bit, scrolling through a video to find one particular aspect of a candidate seems more annoying than useful.
#4
I once got a resume with the worst formatting and grammar. It was clear the person was a non-native English speaker. I don't usually do this, but I recreated her resume, re-organized it and corrected grammar/spelling mistakes and sent it back to her. I hope she got a job. She wasn't a good fit based on her resume, otherwise I would have given her the benefit of the doubt and at least interviewed her.
#5
Military spouse (with rank no less)
#6
Well, guy made it through the resume but almost didn't make it through the onboarding paperwork.
Entry level position, guy was 19 I think. Nice enough kid, low life experience but that's how it all starts right?
Emergency Contact info
Name - Mom
Relationship - Good
...so like if we called your mom, and you were hurt, she'd care?
#7
Nudes. Like, any picture of yourself is probably going to get the resume thrown out because of potential lawsuits, but hearing that shriek of "DEAR GOD WHY" from the hotel manager's desk while they were going through resumes was hilarious.
Like, bro, your butt was not that nice. Why did you attach it.
Ima Manimal 1 year ago
A woman flashed her boobs to me while interviewing her for a position. I deadpanned her and said “I’m gay”. She did not get the job.
#8
The amount of halfwits that put Brexit voter on their CVs is just weird. Straight in the bin.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 year ago
We often get random resumes mailed/emailed to us from people who are considering moving to the island. Many have no concept in what the move would require, but think if they secure a job the rest will fall into place. Which really doesn’t work in such a small community with limited resources. Of those applications, we’ve seen a trend of people putting “Trump 2020,” “Trump 2024” & even a couple of “Let’s Go B…” People will also list things like who they voted for, political activities they’ve participated in or other polarizing ideologies. Always an alt-right slant, never from someone actually living here.
#9
I didn't make it past the name line on someone's resume one time.
We were hiring a CFO and Googling their name revealed an SEC complaint for a 9 figure fraud. At the time, there wasn't a verdict on the books, but I wasn't gonna wait for one. See you never.
#11
I once received a resume in the mail that had no telephone number, address or email. He called a few days later to ask why he hadn't received any reply. I asked him to get a copy of his resume so we could review it together. I asked him to tell me the address we might have replied to; then the telephone number and finally the email.
After a long pause, he said, "Aww, f**k!" and hung up.
James016 1 year ago
In my first job as an IT consultant to small businesses, we were closed through the Christmas and New year holidays. So when I turned my work phone back on in Jan, I had an voicemail stating word for word: "If you are the person who looks after my server, call me" No name, no phone number to contact them back on. This was long before smartphones so my phone did not record a missed call as it was off. So this type of c**k up goes all the way through life
#12
This guy put a tinder bio at the head of his resume. All his likes and dislikes, with a headshot of him holding an axe while looking sweaty.
I do IT work...
Lyrica Melody 1 year ago
To be fair, an ax would be the perfect tool for some printers I've worked with.
#13
I used to work for a bar, a girl came in with an application saying she was 22 but then listeded she'd graduated high school that year. I fired off a few questions then slipped in what's your birthday. She was barely 17.
#14
"Life Coach" and all their education is from sketchy seminars at the Radisson by the airport.
That's and hashtag bossbabe, CEO of their make up MLM.
#15
Okay, I was a writing tutor at the college level for 10 years. We also helped graduates of the university. I swear I am not making this up.
A graduate who had worked teaching English in Japan, and at other positions, for a few years after getting his degree, came in for help updating his resume. He reported that he'd been looking for work for a while, with no luck.
The profile section at the head of his resume listed accomplishments, including, "I have climbed Mount Fuji fueled only by Quaaludes and caffeine."
He was crestfallen when I told him that although I was duly impressed by this feat, he really, really needed to remove it.
Edit: because of course.
Der Kommissar 1 year ago (edited)
Quaaludes havent been manufactured for decades. Also, Japan has very strict drug laws, so I call shenanigans. If you are a foreigner travelling to Japan, your luggage will be scrutinized.
#16
We had a young woman apply for an entry-level software engineering job a couple years ago that had a Linktree URL in her application and resume. One of my coworkers was doing resume evaluations for our boss and opened the Linktree, finding links to an R-rated Twitter account, a PG-13 Insta, her Onlyfans, and to her content on several other porn sites. My coworker and boss were not amused, and they were debating whether someone was trolling the company or if it was a bizarre spam attempt. Her resume was rejected, and she was sent an automated "Thank you, good luck in your search, please try again in the future" email.
A few months later, we were advertising another open entry-level position when her resume came through again. My boss was doing the resume evals and recognized the name. He opened it a second time, while commenting to another of my coworkers about the inappropriate resume (he's not a perv, but was just surprised to see it again.) When my boss clicked the Linktree URL again to show the coworker, he was greeted with a perfectly normal collection of engineering links, including a link to her electronic resume, her LinkedIn, several projects she'd worked on, and a GitHub account.
Our best guess is that the applicant had accidentally copypasted the wrong Linktree URL the first time. She was still rejected for the second position. At that point, several employees had seen *everything*, and my boss decided that moving her resume forward for interviews would be inappropriate. Bit of a shame too. Solid GPA from a well-respected CS program, interesting projects, and a demonstrated ability to take on some absolutely massive workloads (sorry, I'm weak and couldn't resist.)
When applying for a job, please don't include links to your nudes. Aside from a handful of socially awkward software engineers, most of our people don't want to see them.
/edit: Lots of people seem hung up on the fact that we passed her over the second time. Let's clear a few things up.
1. There was nothing inappropriate about employees seeing her "material." These weren't private photos, and they weren't shared without permission. It was content she had voluntarily posted online, was actively sharing with the world, and then shared directly with our company. We didn't look it up. She sent it to us. There's also nothing wrong with our manager sharing it with other senior employees who were involved in the hiring process. Nobody was ogling her because she was naked and pretty. The Internet is full of naked and pretty women, and we all know where to find it if that's what we're looking for. It was shared because it was a weird mistake to make on a resume. We thought it was *funny* to see porn in an application.
2. At the end of the day, she made an unprofessional mistake that cost her any chance at an interview. She wasn't passed up because she was a sex worker. Our company leadership was fairly liberal and they wouldn't have held it against her. What she did was the professional equivalent of a guy forgetting to zip his pants and having his d**k peek out while he walked in for his interview. Doesn't matter that it was accidental. Doesn't matter that it was embarrassing. It was unprofessional, and some things can't be unseen. Dumb mistakes during the hiring process will keep you from being hired. She made a dumb mistake. It kept her from being hired. That's just how the world works.
3. Several people seem to have misunderstood one of my comments. We didn't realize that she'd probably made a mistake with the link until *after* she applied for the second position. When her first application was submitted and shared, we really didn't know what to make of it. My boss thought it was some kind of joke, or some kind of spam account gone wrong. Nobody believed it was a serious application until *after* the second application was received a couple of months later. That's when we put two and two together.
4. First impressions matter. A lot. When your first impression includes a link to a preview video of you riding a giant dildo, you cannot get mad when that's something that people associate with you afterward. Whether she intended it or not, that was her first impression.
5. She'd have been blocked once HR learned of the nude links anyway. Hiring someone after you'd seen their nudes would have been a legal nightmare. If Applicant A sends nudes and is hired, and Applicant B doesn't send nudes and is not hired, that would be a slam dunk sex discrimination case for Applicant B. How would the company prove that they *hadn't* preferentially hired Applicant A because of the sexual material they'd provided?
#17
When I was in high school I worked in a shoe store at the mall. We got a resume once for a sales job that had, under the "Other Interests" section, "Special relationship with the one they call Satan." Yes, really.
I wanted to interview her, just to see what she'd actually say in person. My manager vetoed that, sadly.
#18
His mother handed it to me with him just quietly standing beside her, looking like this wasn’t his idea.
#19
Had a dude turn in his application with black marker lines redacting all of his info. Only things left were his name, a phone number, and a note saying "We can discuss these details during my interview."
He, in fact, did not get an interview.
MacintoshID 11 months ago
I have seen this before too! Oddest resume out of the thousands I have read over the years. FYI - one position opening brought in 356 resumes in just 2 weeks. It was a great job working from home right after COVID started. This resume read like a spy novel. Each area had a similar disclosure of "We can go into detail during my interview." He then listed the dates and times he would be available since he was traveling a great deal in and out of countries that he could not disclose. I did check on him online and he was some middle age guy living in Texas who hated his HOA.
#20
Had a guy put on his resume that he invented the dollar, owned Microsoft and Google and Ford, was an astronaut, and founded New Zealand.
This was when I managed an Aldi store and he was applying as an associate. But he was clear to say on his resume that our business model could be vastly improved with his expertise.
I *almost* brought him in for an interview just for fun, but I couldn’t really find the time along with the real applicants.
#21
Like a lot of companies nowadays we do blind applications, no mention of age, gender, name, where you studied etc. allowed on the part that goes to people doing the evaluation.
We also attract a lot of applicants from prestigious universities, some of whom _really_ feel the need to find a way to mention the name of the institution in their competency answers as though it will help more than actually demonstrating that you are a good candidate for the job. Technically I could throw your application away, I usually won't unless you're especially obnoxious about it but it definitely does not help.
...oh but one person did add "MENSA IQ" to their application in response to a question that had no relation to such information and that did get rapidly dropped because that's a huge 'I'm going to be insufferable to work with' red flag.
*EDIT* oh and the personal statement that began with 'as a large language model...' didn't get very far.
Tara L. 12 months ago (edited)
The MENSA comment is true, had a co-worker who claimed he got into mensa and would not shut up about it. Everyone hated him, finally another co-worker snapped at him (after he mentioned mensa for the millionth time) "so what do you want, a parade? If you're so fking smart why are you just a cashier at a grocery store?" Everyone laughed and he ran crying to HR about it 🙄. Nothing came of it but no one would talk to him after that, he quit 2 weeks later.
#22
A couple we didn’t shred but definitely did not call and saved for future laughs:
- “Can cook anything related to a potato” (followed by the longest list of potato dishes I have ever seen and this job did not involve food in any form)
- In special memberships section: “Have a blockbuster card”
#23
One resume I got while managing a head shop included how much he could bench and the characters he played in high school theater. He was in his late mid twenties.
#24
Make sure you attach the right file. I once had somebody attach his court summons for a DUI charge. Instant deny.
#26
I once put that I ruled France from 1693-1702 with an iron fist, invented the letter G, was a world class Candyland player, and was a unicorn rancher in my cover letter.
The job was an IT position at an advertising company that went on and on about how creative everyone that works there is. After I listed my above accomplishments, I said, "OK. So maybe I haven't done all of those things listed above but I have (list of boring IT c**p)."
I got an email the next day from HR saying that was the best cover letter they had ever gotten and they'd hire me without even interviewing me based on it but they were a Mac business and all my experience was on Windows.
#28
They didn’t list a single job. Their only experience was several years of jiu jitsu.
Alyssa Phillips 1 year ago
When I had no experience and was trying to get a job I pitched it as "I have no bad habits. I don't know any shortcuts. I won't say we did it better at company B. I am a blank slate. What you teach me to do is exactly what will get done.". Managers loved it
#29
I had someone once put “mom to child actor” and she listed that she homeschooled on set and managed their schedule and things of that nature
I had someone else who put “babysitting Daniel” she made him eat his vegetables among other things. It was cute.
My absolute favourite was a guy who wrote his attributes landscape in italics on a piece of paper that had a background of a unicorn on a cliff with a sunset. He came and asked for it back when he wasn’t hired.
James016 1 year ago
When my wife went back to work after a number of years as a SAHM looking after our autistic child, we put that on her CV, listing the organisational skills needed to co-ordinate various therapy appointments, dealing with the masses of paperwork, teaching him some Makaton etc. She was hired very quickly as a SEN Teaching Assistant because while not having classroom experience, she had the life experience of looking after disabled people, she was also legal guardian to her severely disabled little brother after their parents passed away up until he passed away.
#30
I'm sure a lot of us have made mistakes on our CVs. I once changed my email address but forgot to change .co.uk to .com and the interviewer asked me about it at the end of an interview for a job I did not get.
The worst I've seen is from a girl named Clairfe. What an interesting name, is it Irish? My colleague showed me the application form handed in alongside the CV, where CLAIRE had managed to spell her own name right.
What do you think ?
Charlotte A. 1 year ago
I think it's sometimes really hard to write a good CV. Sometimes you're told you should definitely include a photo, other times definitely not. Sometimes your CV should "stand out", sometimes that's just cringey. Some companies want it short, others want it detailed.... I hate writing CV's and personal letters. (Currently employed though, luckily.)
DarkGlassSphere 1 year ago
Because the world system do not interested in unwinding your talent and potential. That you have. It interested in making you to be cheap. Though you shouldn't attach your photo, or you should've. And the worst of all, mentioning your college!
Load More Replies...
Xenon 1 year ago
My husband got one that was the ad for the job cut out and "I want this job" written next to it with an arrow pointing at it.
Jefferson Selvy 1 year ago
Considering the games corporate recruiters play, I can see the need to be specific. That you didn't mention hiring, I'm guessing that's not really the job that was on offer.
Load More Replies... Charlotte A. 1 year ago
I think it's sometimes really hard to write a good CV. Sometimes you're told you should definitely include a photo, other times definitely not. Sometimes your CV should "stand out", sometimes that's just cringey. Some companies want it short, others want it detailed.... I hate writing CV's and personal letters. (Currently employed though, luckily.)
DarkGlassSphere 1 year ago
Because the world system do not interested in unwinding your talent and potential. That you have. It interested in making you to be cheap. Though you shouldn't attach your photo, or you should've. And the worst of all, mentioning your college!
Load More Replies... Xenon 1 year ago
My husband got one that was the ad for the job cut out and "I want this job" written next to it with an arrow pointing at it.
Jefferson Selvy 1 year ago
Considering the games corporate recruiters play, I can see the need to be specific. That you didn't mention hiring, I'm guessing that's not really the job that was on offer.
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