Anyone who says “but she’s your mother!” when you talk about going no contact.

I’m glad you can’t even comprehend needing to cut off an abusive parent for your own well-being, but maybe shut up if you don’t know what it’s like.

Arya_kidding_me , Alex Green/Pexels Report

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This is considered controversial depending on your view on this topic.
I was pregnant with my father's child at 14 ( yes you read that right). I considered an abortion ( was too far along) but once I opened up about my decision, I was told countless of times by people who have NEVER experienced what I was going through and more than likely will never, that I shouldn't do it because "it's part of GoDs PlAn and I should be GrAtEfUL for such wonderful gift" and "there are stories in the Bible of incest so it's okay"

No. This wasn't a gift.
No one, especially someone who is a child should have to go through this.

For those who might be curious Baby A was adopted 7 years ago and is doing great in their home.

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When I tried broaching the subject of depression with a friend in hopes that I could tell him about my struggles and he hit me with "depression isn't a thing, people just need to appreciate what they have" which was basically just a "stop being sad, just smile more" argument (i.e. stupid argument) so I just gave up.

People who have never struggled with mental health often can't phantom that it could be a problem.

AlecsThorne , Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels Report

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“I’m sorry that your wife passed away, I just recently got divorced and I know what it’s like to lose someone”.

No. No you don’t. Not even remotely.

Monthra77 , KoolShooters/Pexels Report

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When I told a male friend about how I got catcalled by grown men (at 15) right after it happened and how it affected me, and he went "Just enjoy it" and then proceeded to make fun of the situation.
These men where like 50, I was 15!!!

Nein____ , Luke Miller/Pexels Report

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I had a friend who was incredibly upset with me and started a fight because I “wasn’t there for her” when her friends with benefits called it quits with her. I wasn’t there because my 3 year old was hospitalized with pneumonia, my grandmother died, and I wad 3 weeks postpartum. It was the worst and hardest week of my life. Needless to say I took that as a sign to end the friendship.

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I started a job about 2 months ago. My dad is 60 and was in the hospital dying and I didn't make it home because I felt like until he was on his deathbed I'd just go on weekends. My current boss told me the day of his funeral "We will be happy to let you make up the days you miss for his death". After returning to work she hasn't said a word to me and was upset I used my bereavement days.

Currently looking for new employment.

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I was once discussing how expensive rent was with my employer (I'm a nanny, they write my paycheck, they know my financial status). I told them that if I hadn't moved in with my boyfriend and was still in my apartment, I don't think I could afford it because it's increased so much. They said, "It's called inflation, everything is more expensive, our cost to fly has nearly doubled."

They fly private. For leisure and business.

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I'm disabled and have been struggling financially while waiting to get approved on disability. Had a friend tell me how "smart and articulate" I am and she "hates to see me waste it on disability".

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When my child was born, he had a liver decease that needed a surgery with only 30% chance of success. Even if the surgery worked my son was hospitalized for almost 150 days throughout the years 2020 and 2021. If the surgery had failed he might have died or required liver transplant.

Through all this ordeal I missed about 12 days of work. I kept getting meetings from my boss telling me that my performance was subpar and that I should leave family problems at home. And that another employee from the company was still performing despite having cancer.

I remember during this ordeal hearing my boss talking with a female employee and her telling him her day was ruined because the starbucks employee didnt get her order right and my boss being so empathetic with her. I was boiling with rage.

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I was talking to my ex about my aunt who has cancer and she said among several other completely out of touch and insensitive things "you know, you can mentally will yourself out of illnesses like cancer, maybe you should tell her that".

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Back when I was in my senior year of high school I had a series of very serious traumatic events unfold within a few months, and I was a huge mess, I needed support, so I went to my then best friend of 8 years, I told him about the assaults ( SA) about the rumors people were spreading about me, and how I was having very concerning bad thoughts, his response was that he didn’t want to have to stress over me and my emotions, that he wanted to party and get the college experience he was promised and allllll that. No sympathy, just thinking of himself, he came from an incredibly rich family too, basically had no issues other than being gay, and I when above and beyond to defend him, support him, yet he couldn’t offer me a night to just spend with me to make sure I’d be alive the next day. It was awful, I truly don’t think you know how a person really feels about you till something seriously messed up happens to you.

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I was lamenting about my financial troubles to my former employers father, and how I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay my rent.

This a*****e said “I feel you on your financial troubles, son. My home renovation is going over budget, and our elevator is going to cost $15,000 more than we were expecting.”

This f*****g guy told me he was spending what would have been a YEARS worth of rent for me on a friggn elevator.

Rich people have too much.

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As someone with lifelong chronic illness, I missed just 2 days from work and my boss had a talk with me and said “I get sick and I still come to work. In the real world you have to push through it”.

I was slowly dying from complications (of a now treated disease!) and she knew that. The audacity.

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My ex came from money (grew up in Brentwood). She had maids/butlers growing up.

Our relationship was great until we moved in together. She didn't know how to clean or take care of her menagerie of pets because she always had someone do it for her. I constantly sat her down and explained that it wasn't magically getting done, I was doing it and I needed help.


She cocked her head sideways and said "It shouldn't take you long to do it. *Enter Maid's name* could do all that in an hour."


I realized I was more of "The Help" then a romantic partner and got out.

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This wasn't said in direct response to it, but my former friend said the following knowing full well that I was suffering from depression: "depressed people should just get over it. I had depression and that's what I did."

He was either lying about having depression in the first place or lying about "getting over it", both are equally plausible.

yeetgodmcnechass , Keenan Constance/Pexels Report

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LakotaWolf (she/her)

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My mom straight-up didn't believe mental illness existed when I was a teen struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. She said depressed people can "just feel better if they WANT to" and suicidal people "just want attention". My dad had to sneak me to see a therapist and help me get (and hide) a prescription for antidepressants (both of which did help, thankfully.) Hilariously enough, now that my mom is 79 and can't handle the fact that she's actually ageing and has no friends (that one is due to her being an a-hole), she's "depressed". She tells me now that she is depressed and suicidal. I can't even describe to you how tempted I am to repeat her words from my childhood back to her, but I won't lower myself to her level.

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Strings

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Having read all the stuff your mother has pulled, I'm honestly surprised you aren't NC

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Stardust she/her

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How have you been so tolerant of them? I’m surprised you’re still in contact with them even as an adult

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LakotaWolf (she/her)

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Stardust, I honestly don't even know the answer to that myself. I know it sounds like a ball of excuses (because it is), but the whole situation with my dad messed up my life and I don't even know where I'm at now. No career, no finished education, and now I'm 42. I worked at the family business for 25+ years and took care of my dad for 21 years. No real skills. I'm currently trying to safely escape my abusive relationship, so I'm going to have to move back home for at least a while. I guess I'm just isolated and still somewhat financially dependent on my mom and sister :( I guarantee you that I will NOT be at my mom's side when she dies, though. She can die alone.

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KimTx ‍️

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What a blessing of a father you have. Sometimes Moms are missing the empathy gene. Other times they are your biggest supporter. Speaking from experience. Sadly.

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LakotaWolf (she/her)

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He was a wonderful man. I'm adopted, but he never treated me as anything but 100% his daughter (my sister is my adoptive parents' bio child, but to him, we were both just his daughters.) My mom was horrifically abusive to him for my entire childhood, and he just... endured it. Never hit her back, never yelled at her. He had an accident when I was 18 and sustained catastrophic brain damage. His body lived, but my dad was gone. We took care of him at home for 21 years, and he died in 2021. I held his hand as he died. I was the only one at his side. My mom and sister "couldn't handle it" and bailed. Now my mom still "pretends" that he's alive and never even told his brother and sister that he'd died. I got into contact with them on my own (they went no-contact with us when I was still a kid) and told them my dad had died. My mother is literal textbook toxic narcissist. I was very lucky to have my dad. <3

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Tom De Paul

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3 months ago

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Why not?

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LakotaWolf (she/her)

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I remember being a child and sitting in the passenger seat while my mom yelled and berated fast food workers for not giving her enough napkins. I remember having the thought "Mom is mean, I don't want to be like Mom" at a VERY young age. I guess that's the crux of it. It seems silly, as I'm sure I'd feel a sort of savage petty pleasure every time I got a good quippy verbal hit on her every time she said she was depressed about aging or depressed at how lonely she is, etc., but over time I'd eventually feel like scum. I don't want to be like she is.

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Aroace tiger (she/they/he)

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3 months ago

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You are farr more mature than ill ever be

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Ms.GB

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People that say they had depression and got over it or cured themselves...you had regular depression or SADNESS! Clinical depression is very different.

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Rebel Peewee

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Came here to say that. Due to life lifeing a little too hard at certain points, i have fallen into a depression and i have dug myself out a few times throughout the decades. I have always been able recognize that as not the same thing at all as my best friend's clinical depression. I have also had several anxiety attacks bc, again, life coming hard all at once, and i would never whip around and tell my partner, with anxiety disorder, to just handle it. Idk how ppl in this day and age don't know the dofference between feelings and temporary circumstances and clinical disorders.

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Colleen Glim

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3 months ago

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I’ll just be happier. That’ll work

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Nizumi

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The blues are not depression. We all get the blues sometimes - ride it out and move on. Depression is a whole different situation and you don't "just get over it."

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Michael Largey

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Yep, and if you break your leg in three places just get over it. Walk it off, as they say.

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JB

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Aren’t you supposed to rub dirt on it?

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C.O. Shea

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A rather large massage therapist told me she'd "got over her rape" so why did I think I had PTSD? That extra 150 lbs. on her small frame said, she wasn't "over it" by a longshot.

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smugdruggler

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You don't "get over " depression, you go through it. And hopefully come out the other side.

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Nikole

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It doesn’t just go away…

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Multa Nocte

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Or he was just an a*****e.

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Justin

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He must have felt sad once and called it depression

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maka paka

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There a LOT of people who think they have/had depression that don't. The real thing is absolutely debillitating, i don't just need to cry in a corner or feel a bit 'sad' i spend the days struggling to get out of bed, to see any goodness in my life and with an overwhelming feeling that the world, my kids and family would just be better off without me. Someone once gave me a bit of advice that has helped me massively. 'Are you really gonna let it win, surely if your mind wants you dead that much it can turn itself off' Sounds harsh but he was right and i think of it often on my dark days, you want me gone Brain then turn yourself off, otherwise we're stuck in this shithole together

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kay321

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My brother said that there's no reason for anyone to be depressed and theat they need to "get over themselves" and said he'd throw mum's tablets in the fire and we had to hide it from him that she'd gotten them. Then his wife caused a whole row last September and they both stop speaking to me (he apparently isn't happy about not speaking to me, but hasn't done anything about it in nearly a year) and then he has hassle at work and their car needed a new engine, mum said he sounded depressed, I had absolutely no sympathy for him and just said "he needs to get over himself".

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Jacquie Carr

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3 months ago

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Clinical depression isn't something you get over on your own. Whining and choosing to see the negative in everything therefore causing "depression", is

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Shy Dragon (they/he/she)

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That’s… sort of not how it works…

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Chirp

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My ex-MIL said she had depression. Was given meds. Didn't like that so she tossed them and her husband took her to Hawaii for a week and that fixed everything. Meanwhile I was struggling with getting my depression under control. I would have gladly gone to Hawaii if that was the fix

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Disgruntled Pelican

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I was speaking to a realive about my depression and how bad it was and she had the audacity to say "I used to be super depressed too but then I smoked pot a few times and was cured..." Ma'am, that's not how it works.

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Laserleader

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I admit, I suffered from manic depression as a teen, and I survived and was able to get it under control in my 20's, but it's never really gone. It took me decades to discover triggers and how to compensate for the PTSD. The best thing was when my abuser finally died, and I could actually look at my own smile and not be disgusted.

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Nimitz

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A lot of people think having depression is getting sad for a day or two. It's not

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BrunoVI

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Or he got better, and thought that getting better was just his own will power.

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LaserBrain

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Depression is a horrible affliction. It's not easily gotten over, but if someone says they did, why not accept it?

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Amy S

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Because 'just getting over' depression doesn't fix the problem any more than deciding to get over a broken leg would heal your bones, and pretending any different to invalidate the experience of someone struggling as a terrible thing to do.

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Steve Robert

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As I once told my doctor, with everything I was doing through, If I wasn't depressed, then something is definitely wrong with me!

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Ge Po

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Well, you can 'just get over it,' of course, it just takes several years, several changes in life-situations and /or several rounds of therapy, (if you can find the right therapist.)

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I have rheumatoid arthritis. Luckily it’s pretty under control. While there are far worse diseases it’s by no means a walk in the park.

When I told my colleague about my health struggles she didn’t hesitate to respond “I totally understand, it’s like when I used to have back acne.”

Yup. Totally the same.

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When I was in college and depressed, I spoke about it to some people at a hangout. My ex's friend told me "Just travel, it makes me feel better every time. This year I went to Spain and Egypt". Yeah, let's just ignore the fact I had no money for therapy, and I should have used that non-existent money to travel, and twice in one year.

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I lost my career, my wife, and my home, and all of my possessions at the beginning of covid and was functionally homeless and staying with a friend while I got back on my feet (I had been working in Beijing, but was out of the country when the pandemic hit, so China closed the border and I got screwed).

I was telling a friend about my situation, and when I finished talking, he flippantly said, "yeah, it's hurt all of us man. I made $10,000 less in commission than a normal year."

He was a realtor making 6 figures.

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I told a friend from college that I was living with my parents until I got a job and could afford to rent an apartment in the city, and she said 'but why don't they just buy you a apartment in the city?', and I explained they couldn't afford it, and she said 'But don't they realise it is an investment?'

She is actually very nice, she was just absolutely oblivious at the time that most people don't see buying a home for your kids as a normal thing.

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I was homeless living out of my car. Would come to work before everyone else to get cleaned up before my shift. My manager (whom I confided in about being homeless) said “would it k*ll you to wear make up? You don’t have to look like what you’re going through.”.

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When my mom committed s*icide over the summer in high school, I came back and a girl said she understood because she had totaled her car that summer.

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I got SA by a woman.

One of friends I tried to talk to asked if I got her number after since she wanted me so bad.

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I know it’s less “severe” than other problems that I’ve read on here, but I really hate when people invalidate mental struggles. I suffer from depression, and many times, the people I told it to replied with “you’re too young to be depressed” or “depression doesn’t exist, it’s all in your head”. These people never faced a struggle like mine. Truly infuriating.

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Recently, my mom was asking me to forgive my sister and rebuild my relationship with her because it was important for her rehab. I have been asked this numerous times in my life, so I decided to detail out to my mom all of the times she tormented me and abused me. Locking me in closets for hours on end, choking me, she held a knife against my throat, verbally abused me, and would trash my entire room and destroy my stuff. It was never serious enough or bad enough to leave a mark, so nothing happened about it for years. The worst part was that my sister would just laugh through all of it. It wasn't an angry reaction, I was just a toy to mess with. After I detailed out all the stuff she did my mom just said, "How do you think I felt knowing this was going on?"

My mom has claimed she has all this trauma and been through some seriously terrible situations, but this was where I feel she confirmed that she was lying to be the victim. There is no way you can claim you went through abuse yourself and say this.

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I live in a nice area, but my wife and I are average income folks without family money. At the bus stop with my kids, another parent asked if they could borrow our housekeeper (we don’t have one) because hers was sick with COVID and the dishes/laundry were starting to stack up. She was in full crisis mode.

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Had a wealthy friend (30f) complaining to me about how abusive her "narcissist" mother is... Mom pays her $3600 rent, bails her out of every tough situation, lets the friend use any of her 5+ homes in gorgeous places, free vacations, backup credit card, etc.

What did Mom do that was abusive? Gave her reasonable advice on her dating life and asked her to stop using the credit card to buy worthless garbage on Amazon... In other words, normal mom stuff.

This friend says she knows what it was like to grow up in an abusive home with a single narcissistic parent just like me... Except my parent did not keep food in the house, beat our a*ses, isolated us from friends and family, stole and sold possessions, etc.

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A family friend who was raised ultra privileged and has had a cushy SAHM life for many years, is going through a divorce. As part of the agreement to living in the home, she was told to get a job. She said to us "when will I have time to go grocery shopping?!?!"

My wife and I, who both run businesses, and work full time to support our kid, asked her what she thought *we* did.

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“I know you were close, but aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with all that drama anymore?”. My sister died this July, that was the response of someone who is now an ex friend.

*editing to add that this friend had never even met my sister, has zero empathy for mental health or addiction, and truly believes we are better off without my sister*.

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As a parent to 2 young kids, I've had people tell me "Oh you're not getting sleep? Just nap when the kids nap". Ironically, the only people who've ever said this have never had kids.

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I went out to lunch with a coworker and she mentioned her boyfriend wasn’t currently working and I said it must be tough to not have him contributing financially to the relationship (I assumed he wasn’t if he didn’t have an income) and she goes “well no he does, he’s a trust fund baby so even tho he’s not working he has a lot of money but we’re all kinda trust fund babies aren’t we?” Meanwhile she is the first person I met who actually has a trust fund and every penny I’ve earned I had to work for myself since I was 16 yrs old.

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My boss at one job couldn’t comprehend why I wouldn’t buy a car with a payment and I had to explain that I couldn’t afford it.

She couldn’t understand that when you’re poor s**t’s disposable. This was back in the day you could drop 2k on a car and drive it for a year or two and go onto another.

She kept saying I was bad at budgeting and maths and was my own worse enemy, but I was making ~$12hr assembling medical devices and my health insurance alone was $500 a month. I was pawning s**t for gas money just to get to work.

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Was once telling someone how my genuinely obsessed ex bf was stalking me and would show up at bars he had been banned from looking for me and starting fights. One night he walked in, I had my back to the door so I didn't see him, and he slapped the guy I was sitting beside, called me a c**t, and ran out. He has had multiple felony convictions for assaulting strangers and a mountain of charges he slithered he way out of. He was abusive to me when we were together, and full blown stalker when I left. Dude climbed a two story building and punched me in the face while i was on the phone with 911 and had an active no contact order in place.

Anyways, I was telling someone how he was still showing up at the places he knew I spent time about a year after I left him. Their response was, "It's been long enough, you need to set some boundaries and he should respect that."

EXCUSE ME?! Did you miss the part about him being irrational and unstable? You think if I just tell him to leave me alone he'll go away????

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When my dad attacked my mom with a knife, I took a week off of work to make sure she was okay and safe and that he wasn't coming back to the house to threaten her. When I got back to work my hours were slashed in half and when I asked for them back my boss gave me a 15 minute lecture about how many problems I caused, saying "We all have bad days sometimes, but we still have to come in to work.".

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My friend's mother started working as a secretary at Comcast in the 80's by walking in and asking if any positions were available. She eventually became "good friends" with one of the founders sons and got access to a bunch of stock benefits and bonuses effectively making her a multi millionaire.

When I was finishing college I was applying for jobs and not getting any calls back and got told by her "Young people don't apply themselves enough! You need to show up early and ask for the job!"

I wanted to say not everyone had a chance to sleep with a rich CEO's son, but held back.

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I’ve had a lot of odd jobs over the years, especially in my late teens/early 20’s. Most just different kinds of minimum wage stuff. One year when I was on summer break from college I was back home working 3 different jobs. I went on a few dates with a guy who had a trust fund and his parents black AmEx card. One day we’re at lunch together and I was telling him about the absolute random grab bag that was my employment history. Once I finished he looked at me confused and said “do you just really like working?”

There was not another date after that.

tanksandthefunkybun , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

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Everyone I’ve ever met who expressed surprise that I have student loans. “Oh wow, really? I just assumed everyone’s parents paid for their college.” Ok, you.. are aware many people struggle financially right? “Well I just thought their dad got a second job or something”

MULTIPLE people.

Son_Of_Toucan_Sam Report

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A close friend lost her 21-year-old son, and her “friend” said, “I know how you feel. We had to have our cat put down.”

tnrivergirl , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels Report

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I have the kindest friend in the world, but she is very privileged. When one of our friends said she wouldn't be attending our college the next year due to lack of finances (her parents did not have the money but were too "wealthy" on paper for FAFSA), she told her to just ask her parents really nicely. When we tried to explain that no, her parents did not have the money, she doubled down with "but what if you tell them how much it means to you?".

Kartarsh , Pixabay/Pexels Report

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A girl I know posted herself crying for minutes on her Snapchat story after she *only* got mid level tickets to the Taylor swift concert. “THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER”.

Jalvey_420 Report

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One of my absolute best friends once said to me in all seriousness that he was behind his peers because "the average person owns at least two homes and I don't even have one yet".

He was making a six figure salary and still living at home at this point. Meanwhile I was homeless at 16, we sat him down and had a talk.

Colourised Report

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As the lone parent on my team at work, a colleague asked my opinion about a pay disparity news article. I mentioned something about how pay inequality played a part in many mothers choosing to leave their careers to be a full time parent. My colleague excitedly told me that wasn’t true because her brother-in-law chose to stay at home so that his much lower-paid wife could stay in her profession. She didn’t see the the importance of mentioning that she had very wealthy parents who helped pay her sister’s mortgage.

bad_sandwich Report

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My close friend said "he felt the same" when his tinder date (they were not really dating, just chatting) chose another guy, this was after I told him my wife of almost 9 years cheated on me.

No, no you do not feel the same.

themorganator4 Report

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“You can’t pay for it? Just ask your parents!” Hahaha oh honey. I wish.

lostintheabiss , Lukas/Pexels Report

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"Being poor is f*****g expensive *uses the terry pratchett boot story as an illustration*"

"Well why don't they just save to buy the more expensive option that will save money in the long run".

TehAsianator Report

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My son was born after 8 years of infertility, but I had him at a slightly more inconvenient time of year.

I was talking about this and some woman said “you should have planned better”.

GlassCharacter179 Report

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My ex called me crying on Christmas because she asked for an Apple TV, and her parents didn’t get her the newest version….

grungedad , Torsten Dettlaff/Pexels Report

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“You don’t have money? Just go to an ATM!”

atreides78723 , Towfiqu barbhuiya/Pexels Report

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Lost my brother to an accident nearly 20 years ago. When telling what I considered at the time, a close friend, his response was, " Yeah, I'm going through a tough time right now too. One of my mates just broke up with his girlfriend."
I was too numb at the time to have any sort of reaction, but it turned out to be a remarkable insight into his concept of "problems."
I hope life has adjusted his perspective since then, I wouldn't know, though.

Tempus_Maximus , Andrew Neel/Pexels Report

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My friend's aunt is rich and I had to sit and hear her complain to her family about how inflation is so bad she had to buy a BMW X3 instead of an X5 like she originally planned.


Not a single person in the room felt bad for her.

EDIT: Im seeing a lot of comments saying that if she’s downgrading, she’s not rich. I know a handful of rich folks and they STAY rich by setting a budget and sticking to it. I’m 100% sure that if she really wanted to, she could’ve spent the extra scratch. But it was clear at the time that other unavoidable expenses had cut into her car budget.

MindofKB , J3 Media Group/Pexels Report

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