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Life can be tough, and we all face our share of struggles. However, occasionally when you share your personal hardship with someone, their response seems so out of touch it makes you wonder if they have ever experienced a real problem.

From clueless comments to downright dismissive remarks, people online have shared instances that perfectly illustrate what happens when individuals who have never faced true adversity try to offer their "support." Get ready to cringe and maybe even laugh at these tone-deaf reactions.

#1

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles Anyone who says “but she’s your mother!” when you talk about going no contact.

I’m glad you can’t even comprehend needing to cut off an abusive parent for your own well-being, but maybe shut up if you don’t know what it’s like.

Arya_kidding_me , Alex Green/Pexels Report

#2

This is considered controversial depending on your view on this topic.
I was pregnant with my father's child at 14 ( yes you read that right). I considered an abortion ( was too far along) but once I opened up about my decision, I was told countless of times by people who have NEVER experienced what I was going through and more than likely will never, that I shouldn't do it because "it's part of GoDs PlAn and I should be GrAtEfUL for such wonderful gift" and "there are stories in the Bible of incest so it's okay"

No. This wasn't a gift.
No one, especially someone who is a child should have to go through this.

For those who might be curious Baby A was adopted 7 years ago and is doing great in their home.

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#3

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles When I tried broaching the subject of depression with a friend in hopes that I could tell him about my struggles and he hit me with "depression isn't a thing, people just need to appreciate what they have" which was basically just a "stop being sad, just smile more" argument (i.e. stupid argument) so I just gave up.

People who have never struggled with mental health often can't phantom that it could be a problem.

AlecsThorne , Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels Report

We all have highs and lows in life, and having someone to share the joy with or lean on during difficult times makes it so much better. Studies have shown that the support and companionship of friends and family enrich our lives and boost our mental health.

That is why, after spending time with our loved ones, we tend to feel better. Just a single cup of coffee or tea shared with your best friend can turn a bad day into a good one. A talk with your sister or brother might instantly brighten up your mood and bring about comfort and joy.

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#4

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles “I’m sorry that your wife passed away, I just recently got divorced and I know what it’s like to lose someone”.

No. No you don’t. Not even remotely.

Monthra77 , KoolShooters/Pexels Report

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my managers after my dad died: "Oh, I'm sorry for your loss. I had to have my 3-year-old rat put down last month, I know how you feel." Dude, no, you don't. I've lost pets (one of my cats was almost 20 when she died) and yes, it's traumatic, and yes, you grieve like mad. But it's NOT the same as watching one's parent slowly decline over the course of 20 years due to catastrophic brain damage/strokes and then finally die of staph/double pneumonia while horrifically gasping for air as you hold their hand. My manager was well aware of my dad's situation and condition and still likened it to his pet rat.

Beak Hookage
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, how tone-deaf can you get? I've cried over more pet rats than I can count, but if you told me your dad died I sure as hell wouldn't mention it, any more than I'd bring up my dead dog. Heck, I probably wouldn't even say "I know how you feel", because while I've lost a few elderly relatives and a close friend, my dad is still alive and well. As is my mum. I'm so sorry that happened to you is what I am actually saying now. That sounds absolutely horrific. :(

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Alexandra
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What is it that makes people want to compare their suffering to someone else's? It's not a contest, you know. Does the death of a father trump the death of a sibling? Does the death of a cat trump or is equal to the death of your dog? What is worse: losing your aunt or your guinea pig? You can't quantify loss.

Marla
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think they are trying to replicate the human emotion of empathy and starting from the wrong end of things

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LastButNotLeast
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

During my senior year of college, my father became seriously ill and later died of cancer. My professors knew about it and thought it was a good idea to send me to do an internship in the oncology department after two weeks. Before I started, I had a panic attack that I had never had before. Empathy, this unknown.

Breadcrumb.
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People don't know what to say during grief and try to relate, often times saying something dumb like this but every dumb thing said feels extra because we are so vulnerable during grief.

Jay Scales
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband took his l*fe and a 'friend' replied 'Yes, well we had our cat put down, so we're sad too'.

Phantom Phoenix
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jay, I cannot begin to understand how you'd feel about this situation. Have you been getting appropriate help to navigate your thoughts and feelings through this?

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BrownEyedGrrl
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After my son died, I was told "I know how you feel. My dog/mom/dad died." No. You will NEVER know how someone feels. Period.

Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP suggests that the death of a spouse is worse than a divorce. My friend and i lost our husbands around the same time. Hers died of cancer; Mine left me for another woman. She got to keep her children; I had to fight for mine$$$. She got life insurance; I had to pay the bills he ran up taking his gf on trips while he had our water cut off, twice. She got the compassion of others; I got whispered about like i did something wrong. She got cards and casseroles; I got another job. I told her I envied her.

StrangeOne
Community Member
3 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really don't think some people know what to say that will not make someone grieving feel worse. Everyone is different. Someone prefer the sympathetic condolences. Some people think it's cheesy, disingenuous and overall annoying. Some people need to be around others. Some people need to be alone. I can understand how feeling unsure of what to say can result in saying something tone deaf just to fill in the silence.

Borg
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my very good friends said that after my husband passed. I have never looked at him the same way since.

WakandaPanda
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, yes we do. I've been in both situations and they feel equally as bad !

LaserBrain
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Person was trying to be sympathetic and relate. Doesn't realise, probably, that it's not the same. But he's trying to empathize. Give him a pass.

Marnie
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's up there with, "Oh you lost your daughter? I lost mine last year. Yeah, my little Chow Chow was only 7 when she passed."

Paul Aguilera
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because someone suffers a loss different from your own doesn't mean they can't empathize. Your dead granny is about as devastating as my dead cat. A loss is a loss. I loved my cat. I'm speaking purely on emotional attachment. If your dead loved also happened to be financially supportive or something like that, then okay, I guess it's a different kind of loss.

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people say things like this because they don't know what else to say, but want to show empathy. At least they're trying.

Ken Schubert
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sat down for a 1-1 meeting with the new CEO. Him: "We were scheduled for two weeks ago. Why did you reschedule?" Me: "My mother died. I was in Florida for her funeral." Him: "Hmm. Anyway..."

Jeremy Bolanos
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the c**p you get when influencers claim compassion is a weakness. It's not. It's the most powerful thing humans have. Even basic animals we don't even consider sentient show compassion to each other.

Michael Largey
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not that one kind of these two losses is always more painful than the other. It's that they are so different that comparisons are meaningless.

-
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let me see... someone being dead to you is not the same thing as being literally dead.

Karina
Community Member
3 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 19 a good friend of mine was stabbed to death at 24 while he housesat with my cat. 10 years later my Sister lost her 30 + year old pony to old age. He lived long past his due-date, because of her excellent care. I know she was trying to be emphatic, but no. You do not suddely know how I feel. At all..

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#5

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles When I told a male friend about how I got catcalled by grown men (at 15) right after it happened and how it affected me, and he went "Just enjoy it" and then proceeded to make fun of the situation.
These men where like 50, I was 15!!!

Nein____ , Luke Miller/Pexels Report

#6

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I had a friend who was incredibly upset with me and started a fight because I “wasn’t there for her” when her friends with benefits called it quits with her. I wasn’t there because my 3 year old was hospitalized with pneumonia, my grandmother died, and I wad 3 weeks postpartum. It was the worst and hardest week of my life. Needless to say I took that as a sign to end the friendship.

shakelcus , Liza Summer/Pexels Report

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Like these posts, many of us often share our problems with those close to us. This could be for advice, emotional support, or to get a different perspective. However, sometimes we don’t know how to comfort someone who's feeling low.

Clinical psychologist Kathryn Gordon points out, “When we are not equipped to support loved ones through a hard time, our discomfort can compel us to point out a bright side or offer a simple solution, which may come across as dismissive.”

#7

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I started a job about 2 months ago. My dad is 60 and was in the hospital dying and I didn't make it home because I felt like until he was on his deathbed I'd just go on weekends. My current boss told me the day of his funeral "We will be happy to let you make up the days you miss for his death". After returning to work she hasn't said a word to me and was upset I used my bereavement days.

Currently looking for new employment.

milkandcookies21 , Ksenia Chernaya/Pexels Report

#8

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I was once discussing how expensive rent was with my employer (I'm a nanny, they write my paycheck, they know my financial status). I told them that if I hadn't moved in with my boyfriend and was still in my apartment, I don't think I could afford it because it's increased so much. They said, "It's called inflation, everything is more expensive, our cost to fly has nearly doubled."

They fly private. For leisure and business.

ThirtyLastCalls , Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels Report

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#9

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I'm disabled and have been struggling financially while waiting to get approved on disability. Had a friend tell me how "smart and articulate" I am and she "hates to see me waste it on disability".

Kangaroowrangler_02 , Marcus Aurelius/Pexels Report

Imagine your friend is complaining about something that’s bothering them at work, and you interrupt them and say, “At least they pay you well.” As much as that might be seen as motivation, sometimes people just want to vent their frustrations out verbally. When you tell them not to continue talking, they will end up feeling like they’re being ignored.

#10

When my child was born, he had a liver decease that needed a surgery with only 30% chance of success. Even if the surgery worked my son was hospitalized for almost 150 days throughout the years 2020 and 2021. If the surgery had failed he might have died or required liver transplant.

Through all this ordeal I missed about 12 days of work. I kept getting meetings from my boss telling me that my performance was subpar and that I should leave family problems at home. And that another employee from the company was still performing despite having cancer.

I remember during this ordeal hearing my boss talking with a female employee and her telling him her day was ruined because the starbucks employee didnt get her order right and my boss being so empathetic with her. I was boiling with rage.

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#11

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I was talking to my ex about my aunt who has cancer and she said among several other completely out of touch and insensitive things "you know, you can mentally will yourself out of illnesses like cancer, maybe you should tell her that".

anon , Anna Shvets/Pexels Report

#12

Back when I was in my senior year of high school I had a series of very serious traumatic events unfold within a few months, and I was a huge mess, I needed support, so I went to my then best friend of 8 years, I told him about the assaults ( SA) about the rumors people were spreading about me, and how I was having very concerning bad thoughts, his response was that he didn’t want to have to stress over me and my emotions, that he wanted to party and get the college experience he was promised and allllll that. No sympathy, just thinking of himself, he came from an incredibly rich family too, basically had no issues other than being gay, and I when above and beyond to defend him, support him, yet he couldn’t offer me a night to just spend with me to make sure I’d be alive the next day. It was awful, I truly don’t think you know how a person really feels about you till something seriously messed up happens to you.

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It’s crucial to discern exactly what a person requires, especially in times when he/she is undergoing difficulties. “While putting ourselves in other people’s shoes and treating people how we want to be treated are generally useful principles, they are not always the most effective ways to cultivate compassion. It is hard to imagine being in a situation that you have not actually been in, and people differ in what they find comforting,” Gordon adds.

#13

I was lamenting about my financial troubles to my former employers father, and how I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay my rent.

This a*****e said “I feel you on your financial troubles, son. My home renovation is going over budget, and our elevator is going to cost $15,000 more than we were expecting.”

This f*****g guy told me he was spending what would have been a YEARS worth of rent for me on a friggn elevator.

Rich people have too much.

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#14

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles As someone with lifelong chronic illness, I missed just 2 days from work and my boss had a talk with me and said “I get sick and I still come to work. In the real world you have to push through it”.

I was slowly dying from complications (of a now treated disease!) and she knew that. The audacity.

amalaman , Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels Report

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#15

My ex came from money (grew up in Brentwood). She had maids/butlers growing up.

Our relationship was great until we moved in together. She didn't know how to clean or take care of her menagerie of pets because she always had someone do it for her. I constantly sat her down and explained that it wasn't magically getting done, I was doing it and I needed help.


She cocked her head sideways and said "It shouldn't take you long to do it. *Enter Maid's name* could do all that in an hour."


I realized I was more of "The Help" then a romantic partner and got out.

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When someone comes to you with a problem, the first thing you should do is listen to them. Let them vent and speak about the things that are bothering them. “I think we all intuitively know that, when we’re deeply listened to by the kind and loving attention of another human being, healing is possible,” believes Lisa B. Nelson, Director of Medical Education at Kripalu. “Through empathic listening, we can actually affect the physiology and psychology of another person.”

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#16

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles This wasn't said in direct response to it, but my former friend said the following knowing full well that I was suffering from depression: "depressed people should just get over it. I had depression and that's what I did."

He was either lying about having depression in the first place or lying about "getting over it", both are equally plausible.

yeetgodmcnechass , Keenan Constance/Pexels Report

#17

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I have rheumatoid arthritis. Luckily it’s pretty under control. While there are far worse diseases it’s by no means a walk in the park.

When I told my colleague about my health struggles she didn’t hesitate to respond “I totally understand, it’s like when I used to have back acne.”

Yup. Totally the same.

emw515 , Julia Malushko/Pexels Report

#18

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles When I was in college and depressed, I spoke about it to some people at a hangout. My ex's friend told me "Just travel, it makes me feel better every time. This year I went to Spain and Egypt". Yeah, let's just ignore the fact I had no money for therapy, and I should have used that non-existent money to travel, and twice in one year.

BaltazarOdGilzvita , Tomé Louro/Pexels Report

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We all yearn to be understood. When we speak with our family or friends and they listen to us patiently, we believe that they are taking us seriously. We feel validated and acknowledged. This not only helps us feel better about ourselves but also fosters a sense of connection with the listener.

#19

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I lost my career, my wife, and my home, and all of my possessions at the beginning of covid and was functionally homeless and staying with a friend while I got back on my feet (I had been working in Beijing, but was out of the country when the pandemic hit, so China closed the border and I got screwed).

I was telling a friend about my situation, and when I finished talking, he flippantly said, "yeah, it's hurt all of us man. I made $10,000 less in commission than a normal year."

He was a realtor making 6 figures.

PsychonautAlpha , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels Report

#20

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I told a friend from college that I was living with my parents until I got a job and could afford to rent an apartment in the city, and she said 'but why don't they just buy you a apartment in the city?', and I explained they couldn't afford it, and she said 'But don't they realise it is an investment?'

She is actually very nice, she was just absolutely oblivious at the time that most people don't see buying a home for your kids as a normal thing.

BobBobBobBobBobDave , Maria Orlova/Pexels Report

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#21

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I was homeless living out of my car. Would come to work before everyone else to get cleaned up before my shift. My manager (whom I confided in about being homeless) said “would it k*ll you to wear make up? You don’t have to look like what you’re going through.”.

ProfessionalMoney634 , Yan Krukau/Pexels Report

Nevertheless, when someone has not gone through what you are experiencing, it might be hard for them to fully understand the intensity of emotions and complexities tied to your situation.

For instance, if you’re dealing with financial difficulties and you confide in someone who never had such issues in life, they might say things like, “It can’t be that bad." This disconnection highlights how much shared experiences can be instrumental in giving meaningful support.

#22

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles When my mom committed s*icide over the summer in high school, I came back and a girl said she understood because she had totaled her car that summer.

Hambulance , Artyom Kulakov/Pexels Report

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#23

I got SA by a woman.

One of friends I tried to talk to asked if I got her number after since she wanted me so bad.

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#24

I know it’s less “severe” than other problems that I’ve read on here, but I really hate when people invalidate mental struggles. I suffer from depression, and many times, the people I told it to replied with “you’re too young to be depressed” or “depression doesn’t exist, it’s all in your head”. These people never faced a struggle like mine. Truly infuriating.

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Additionally, they might not be able to give you practical or helpful advice due to their limited understanding. Assume you are grappling with a knotty work problem, and you ask a friend who has never been in the same sort of situation professionally. They may tell you to “speak up” without appreciating the nuanced dynamics of office politics or the possible consequences of your actions.

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#25

Recently, my mom was asking me to forgive my sister and rebuild my relationship with her because it was important for her rehab. I have been asked this numerous times in my life, so I decided to detail out to my mom all of the times she tormented me and abused me. Locking me in closets for hours on end, choking me, she held a knife against my throat, verbally abused me, and would trash my entire room and destroy my stuff. It was never serious enough or bad enough to leave a mark, so nothing happened about it for years. The worst part was that my sister would just laugh through all of it. It wasn't an angry reaction, I was just a toy to mess with. After I detailed out all the stuff she did my mom just said, "How do you think I felt knowing this was going on?"

My mom has claimed she has all this trauma and been through some seriously terrible situations, but this was where I feel she confirmed that she was lying to be the victim. There is no way you can claim you went through abuse yourself and say this.

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#26

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I live in a nice area, but my wife and I are average income folks without family money. At the bus stop with my kids, another parent asked if they could borrow our housekeeper (we don’t have one) because hers was sick with COVID and the dishes/laundry were starting to stack up. She was in full crisis mode.

Left_Apparently , Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels Report

#27

Had a wealthy friend (30f) complaining to me about how abusive her "narcissist" mother is... Mom pays her $3600 rent, bails her out of every tough situation, lets the friend use any of her 5+ homes in gorgeous places, free vacations, backup credit card, etc.

What did Mom do that was abusive? Gave her reasonable advice on her dating life and asked her to stop using the credit card to buy worthless garbage on Amazon... In other words, normal mom stuff.

This friend says she knows what it was like to grow up in an abusive home with a single narcissistic parent just like me... Except my parent did not keep food in the house, beat our a*ses, isolated us from friends and family, stole and sold possessions, etc.

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You might also feel frustrated or misunderstood when their replies come across as tone-deaf or dismissive. When you share your concerns and receive responses that are disconnected or overly simplistic, you start thinking that the person is taking you for granted.

It’s not helpful to get such dismissive replies, and these posts show how some people have never encountered real problems in life. When responses are superficial and lack empathy, it highlights the differences between your experience and theirs. Ultimately, we should find support from those who genuinely understand and relate to your challenges. Have you ever heard a clueless response? Tell us about it in the comments below.

#28

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles A family friend who was raised ultra privileged and has had a cushy SAHM life for many years, is going through a divorce. As part of the agreement to living in the home, she was told to get a job. She said to us "when will I have time to go grocery shopping?!?!"

My wife and I, who both run businesses, and work full time to support our kid, asked her what she thought *we* did.

dog_eat_dog , Timur Weber/Pexels Report

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#29

“I know you were close, but aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with all that drama anymore?”. My sister died this July, that was the response of someone who is now an ex friend.

*editing to add that this friend had never even met my sister, has zero empathy for mental health or addiction, and truly believes we are better off without my sister*.

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#30

As a parent to 2 young kids, I've had people tell me "Oh you're not getting sleep? Just nap when the kids nap". Ironically, the only people who've ever said this have never had kids.

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#31

I went out to lunch with a coworker and she mentioned her boyfriend wasn’t currently working and I said it must be tough to not have him contributing financially to the relationship (I assumed he wasn’t if he didn’t have an income) and she goes “well no he does, he’s a trust fund baby so even tho he’s not working he has a lot of money but we’re all kinda trust fund babies aren’t we?” Meanwhile she is the first person I met who actually has a trust fund and every penny I’ve earned I had to work for myself since I was 16 yrs old.

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#32

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles My boss at one job couldn’t comprehend why I wouldn’t buy a car with a payment and I had to explain that I couldn’t afford it.

She couldn’t understand that when you’re poor s**t’s disposable. This was back in the day you could drop 2k on a car and drive it for a year or two and go onto another.

She kept saying I was bad at budgeting and maths and was my own worse enemy, but I was making ~$12hr assembling medical devices and my health insurance alone was $500 a month. I was pawning s**t for gas money just to get to work.

Cananbaum , Pixabay/Pexels Report

#33

Was once telling someone how my genuinely obsessed ex bf was stalking me and would show up at bars he had been banned from looking for me and starting fights. One night he walked in, I had my back to the door so I didn't see him, and he slapped the guy I was sitting beside, called me a c**t, and ran out. He has had multiple felony convictions for assaulting strangers and a mountain of charges he slithered he way out of. He was abusive to me when we were together, and full blown stalker when I left. Dude climbed a two story building and punched me in the face while i was on the phone with 911 and had an active no contact order in place.

Anyways, I was telling someone how he was still showing up at the places he knew I spent time about a year after I left him. Their response was, "It's been long enough, you need to set some boundaries and he should respect that."

EXCUSE ME?! Did you miss the part about him being irrational and unstable? You think if I just tell him to leave me alone he'll go away????

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#34

When my dad attacked my mom with a knife, I took a week off of work to make sure she was okay and safe and that he wasn't coming back to the house to threaten her. When I got back to work my hours were slashed in half and when I asked for them back my boss gave me a 15 minute lecture about how many problems I caused, saying "We all have bad days sometimes, but we still have to come in to work.".

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#35

My friend's mother started working as a secretary at Comcast in the 80's by walking in and asking if any positions were available. She eventually became "good friends" with one of the founders sons and got access to a bunch of stock benefits and bonuses effectively making her a multi millionaire.

When I was finishing college I was applying for jobs and not getting any calls back and got told by her "Young people don't apply themselves enough! You need to show up early and ask for the job!"

I wanted to say not everyone had a chance to sleep with a rich CEO's son, but held back.

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#36

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I’ve had a lot of odd jobs over the years, especially in my late teens/early 20’s. Most just different kinds of minimum wage stuff. One year when I was on summer break from college I was back home working 3 different jobs. I went on a few dates with a guy who had a trust fund and his parents black AmEx card. One day we’re at lunch together and I was telling him about the absolute random grab bag that was my employment history. Once I finished he looked at me confused and said “do you just really like working?”

There was not another date after that.

tanksandthefunkybun , cottonbro studio/Pexels Report

#37

Everyone I’ve ever met who expressed surprise that I have student loans. “Oh wow, really? I just assumed everyone’s parents paid for their college.” Ok, you.. are aware many people struggle financially right? “Well I just thought their dad got a second job or something”

MULTIPLE people.

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#38

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles A close friend lost her 21-year-old son, and her “friend” said, “I know how you feel. We had to have our cat put down.”

tnrivergirl , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels Report

#39

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I have the kindest friend in the world, but she is very privileged. When one of our friends said she wouldn't be attending our college the next year due to lack of finances (her parents did not have the money but were too "wealthy" on paper for FAFSA), she told her to just ask her parents really nicely. When we tried to explain that no, her parents did not have the money, she doubled down with "but what if you tell them how much it means to you?".

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#40

A girl I know posted herself crying for minutes on her Snapchat story after she *only* got mid level tickets to the Taylor swift concert. “THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER”.

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#41

One of my absolute best friends once said to me in all seriousness that he was behind his peers because "the average person owns at least two homes and I don't even have one yet".

He was making a six figure salary and still living at home at this point. Meanwhile I was homeless at 16, we sat him down and had a talk.

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#42

As the lone parent on my team at work, a colleague asked my opinion about a pay disparity news article. I mentioned something about how pay inequality played a part in many mothers choosing to leave their careers to be a full time parent. My colleague excitedly told me that wasn’t true because her brother-in-law chose to stay at home so that his much lower-paid wife could stay in her profession. She didn’t see the the importance of mentioning that she had very wealthy parents who helped pay her sister’s mortgage.

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#43

My close friend said "he felt the same" when his tinder date (they were not really dating, just chatting) chose another guy, this was after I told him my wife of almost 9 years cheated on me.

No, no you do not feel the same.

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#44

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles “You can’t pay for it? Just ask your parents!” Hahaha oh honey. I wish.

lostintheabiss , Lukas/Pexels Report

#45

"Being poor is f*****g expensive *uses the terry pratchett boot story as an illustration*"

"Well why don't they just save to buy the more expensive option that will save money in the long run".

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#46

My son was born after 8 years of infertility, but I had him at a slightly more inconvenient time of year.

I was talking about this and some woman said “you should have planned better”.

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#47

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles My ex called me crying on Christmas because she asked for an Apple TV, and her parents didn’t get her the newest version….

grungedad , Torsten Dettlaff/Pexels Report

#48

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles “You don’t have money? Just go to an ATM!”

atreides78723 , Towfiqu barbhuiya/Pexels Report

#49

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles Lost my brother to an accident nearly 20 years ago. When telling what I considered at the time, a close friend, his response was, " Yeah, I'm going through a tough time right now too. One of my mates just broke up with his girlfriend."
I was too numb at the time to have any sort of reaction, but it turned out to be a remarkable insight into his concept of "problems."
I hope life has adjusted his perspective since then, I wouldn't know, though.

Tempus_Maximus , Andrew Neel/Pexels Report

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#50

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles My friend's aunt is rich and I had to sit and hear her complain to her family about how inflation is so bad she had to buy a BMW X3 instead of an X5 like she originally planned.


Not a single person in the room felt bad for her.

EDIT: Im seeing a lot of comments saying that if she’s downgrading, she’s not rich. I know a handful of rich folks and they STAY rich by setting a budget and sticking to it. I’m 100% sure that if she really wanted to, she could’ve spent the extra scratch. But it was clear at the time that other unavoidable expenses had cut into her car budget.

MindofKB , J3 Media Group/Pexels Report

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#51

Kind of a downer post but I was really depressed, extremely anxious and s*icidal for about 2 1/2 years. My sophomore year I almost went through with it because o couldn’t take the living I’m constant anxiousness and with my own thoughts anymore.

That next day I woke up and broke down to a teacher and my parents. Now at this time, my family life was really toxic. Thankfully my mom was very understanding and got me into therapy and on some medicine. After 2 weeks of medicine and therapy, I finally starting to feel a tad bit better and my step dad goes “you don’t need to be on that medicine anymore”.

I also remember telling him about a therapy session and how I never called him dad because all of the father figures in my life either left or died. He heard me say this and laughed it off like I was an idiot. It was at that point I realized that that man had no idea about mental health or struggles with it. Which is ironic because now that I’m almost 30 (my mom left him along time ago) I realized that he would benefit immensely from therapy.

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#52

Bipolar 2. In the early 2000s ive attempted to unlife myself a handful of times. Still deal with deep depression to this day.


Person i confided in said "Prfff. I've had depression before. Just focus."
😂.

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#53

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles I took and autobiographical writing class in college. Several students wrote about their experiences with racism. I started exploring my mental health issues and actually got diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a result of that exploration. Another student wrote about his abusive father.

A girl in the class wrote about how she and her friend in high school argued about which of them should get to date this one guy. This was supposedly the hardest issue she had ever dealt with. It blew my mind.

pulpexploder , picjumbo.com/Pexels Report

#54

Was dating a girl and I told her about how my buddy had threatened to shoot up his work place so I had to report him and she replied “I’ve also had a bad day” I asked her why and her response? “Cause I’m at work and my balloon decoration keeps falling over”.

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#55

"Well you obviously aren't trying hard enough if you can't get a minimum wage job after a week of handing out resumes for four hours every day." - My stepmonster.

I'd never had a job before, so my resume was just a bunch of volunteer work and my WIP degree. I also wasn't allowed to apply online to anything even though that's the #1 response I got when I walked into places.

She made me hand out resumes for 8 hours a day every day after that little conversation.

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#56

I was standing next to my mom at my sister’s funeral and I overheard someone telling my mom “oh, I know what you’re going through - I just had to put my 14 year old dog down.” Both my mom & I were too stunned & upset to say anything. Later that same funeral, the priest talked about how all kids need their parents to hold their hands while crossing the street & how that’s literal when they’re younger but metaphorical when they’re older.

My sister was struck by a drunk driver while crossing the street to get back to her apartment (the light was red, so she had the right of way & was using the crosswalk) and later had to be taken off of life support because her injuries were too bad. It’s been 6 years since her funeral and I still get upset thinking about both things.

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#57

I was a key component in a software development team. I was the only software tester on the team (with 5 developers). Our scrum master and product owner left the business. The business told us to fill the void whilst they looked for replacements. For 18 months I covered the testing, the scrum master role and the PO role. I was worn out, tired, severely underpaid, was sleep deprived as a new father and had just discovered that they weren’t actively looking for replacements….

I went to the head of engineering and told him that I can’t do 3 jobs, the company isn’t doing enough, my pay review resulted in nothing for and he needs to sort this issue (whilst tearing up) as it has gone on for too long. His response was “chill_roller you need to work smarter. Not harder”. And offered no alternative advice or guidance. Dude was a complete f*****t and it still angers me to this day.

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#58

Was talking about my issues with OCD, specifically about how irrational and irritating i must’ve been to my boyfriend who i made turn around as we were leaving home because i left my medication on the kitchen counter, and i was CONVINCED the cat would knock it off and the dog would eat it and die. (the medication was where i left it)

coworker goes “oh my OCD is so bad today too like i had to organize all the phone cases cause they were messy and i just couldn’t handle it!!”

like girlie… i was just describing how i thought my dog was going to die and it all be my fault…. not the same….

i get the attempt to empathize but, you gotta see how making OCD sound like simple organizational issues make people with OCD feel real dumb and a bit crazy. i simply don’t bother talking about it to anyone who isn’t my therapist or boyfriend now.

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#59

My dear beloved cat Mikey passed away from cancer at the age of 13 in December 2017. I did not come to work that day for obvious reasons. This absolutely devastated me as I had him since he was a baby. He was like a son to me.

I came back after a couple days (I worked in hospitality), and the general manager came up to me and said “So what? Animals die every day. Get back to work”. She knew how much I loved my cat, how heartless of her.

Then she had the audacity to give me a mug that said “crazy cat lady” for Christmas when I was still mourning the loss of my cat. 😡 I threw it in the trash.

F**k you, Deborah.

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#60

When my husband died a woman at my work told me to give it 3 months and I’ll feel back to normal.

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#61

"But you have a good job and have a chance of a house? How can you be struggling".

The response I got from a colleague when they found I was in therapy and seeking an autism test.

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#62

An ex-coworker told me “My uncle died in the other room and yet i got over it” and told me to get over my mourning too. It had been 7 years since my sister passed at that time when they told me this.

My sister passed away when I was a teen and it still hurts. She barely turned 18 and was going to finish high school too. Even after 10+ years of therapy, journaling, and just trying to understand it all, I’m still a mess from it cause she was taken from us too soon.

But my point is: Everyone mourns at a different speed. Don’t ever tell someone to get over it in their mourning. Let them heal at their own pace.

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#63

A few years ago I was telling my long time friend (30year) I was feeling depressed and was contemplating buying a gun for a single purpose.

His response was "good luck with that, fuxxing lib**rds would probably make you wait 2 weeks, this whole liberal state has their head up their a*s"

Mean while he doesn't work and has free healthcare/ snap benefits from the state while he lives rent free in an extra house his mom's owns while giving him a 200 weekly allowance as he rages on about "freeloading illegals"

his brother graduated from Harvard with honors while he doesn't even have his highschool diploma

he yells at people his political opinion and calls himself intelligent debater when they just walk away from him.


The only problems he has come from the silver spoon he has shoved up his a*s.

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#64

Had a traumatizing birth for my first baby, also faced it alone because of covid restrictions husband wasn't allowed in until the very end and the amount of “oh you'rr fine we ALL actually do it alone and nobody helps” still makes me f*****g angry to think about.

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#65

My fiancée has had bad anxiety when we first met and one of our mutual friends said “just don’t be anxious” when the topic came up.

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#66

“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles 2008, I was in high school and finally broke down to my parents how bad my depression and anxiety was getting. Neither one of them were very comforting, I supposed they didn’t really know what to say or do. But my dad basically had no reaction until my mom asked if he had anything to say and he just said “yeah, everyone is depressed. We’re in a depressed economy”.

He and I have had our issues but have been able to find common ground now that I’m an adult but I still refuse to ever open up to him again because he is the most emotionally immature person I know.

anon , Monstera Production/Pexels Report

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#67

An ex friend of mine has never paid a bill in her life, her dad paid for her college and apartment even though they are estranged. Her mom bought her a condo. A mutual friend was talking about her dad physically and emotionally abused her for her childhood and how it damaged her and she went off on a tirade about how her dad ruined her life even though he always supported her and her parents were just divorced.

You can always have trauma from your s**t but don’t try to one up others especially when they had it so much worse.

She also constantly complained that she was forced to get a job.

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#68

I tell people how I have 20 soft tissue injuries like torn ACL, cartilage, etc and they tell me to rub an ointment on it or take Tumeric. I know they don’t have any serious injuries they can relate with.

My favorite is the rolled ankle people who compare not even a high ankle sprain.

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#69

Told my friend about my anxiety/OCD, depression, feeling isolated and lonely because of the pandemic and his response was…

“it’s always something with you! Grow up!”

Said this on my birthday… this was 2 years ago and we haven’t spoken since.

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#70

My mom recently had emergency open heart surgery and she lives a state away. I wasn’t sure if I should go visit her or if I should wait for her to get out of surgery to help her as I would only be able to take one trip and I have a son I’m responsible for so I felt being there when I was actually needed was more important. Anyway I asked my friend group what their advice was and one friend said “why would you go it’s not like you’re a doctor” I just replied with “wow”. My other friend called me and gave me actual good advice.

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#71

My wife was friends with a trust-funder whose grandfather was super wealthy and even started a famous museum you may have heard of. Anyway, my wife was taking part in a community garage sale at the apartment where she was living then, when her friend asked if she could bring over some stuff she never used and wanted to get rid of. One was a very cheap, small screwdriver set; like this.

Anyway, some guy asked the friend what she wanted for it, and she says "Um, $10?" Guy huffed and walked off. She says to my wife "What do I know? I never use tools.".

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#72

I was living paycheck to paycheck. Asked my friend for some financial/budgeting advice. "Well I make sure I can pay all my monthly expenses with half a paycheck".....

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#73

When my coworker accidentally came into a bathroom stall I forgot to lock.
Her: aw, what’s going on?
Me: I’ve been going through several year of infertility, giving myself hormone injections, tried multiple surgeries and procedures. The only option we have left is IVF, but we can’t afford it. I’ve been applying to grants but we haven’t been chosen. It is a very real possibility my husband and I won’t ever have a biological child together. I don’t think I’ll experience what it’s like to have his child- My child. I have no idea how accept this.

Her: on the bright side you can r*w dog and never have to be on birth control! *cackle*
I swear my birth control made me gain like 20 pounds!

Never was able to have a baby. But I am doing somewhat better these days. It comes in waves.

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#74

A woman in her 40's told me that the day she got cut from the volleyball team in high school was the worst day of her life. She's an absolute sweetheart, but when I heard that I was like "Really!? THAT was the WORST day of YOUR LIFE?".

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#75

A girl i know had a complete meltdown cuz her window of her windshield cracked. Literally saying everything goes wrong for her and how she’s sick of the world.

The crack wasn’t even noticeable. Like she had to point it out.

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#76

The mortgage rates in Canada are rising quickly. Was at a poker game and lamenting about the cost of my mortgage going up.

Another guy at the table is complaining too. Come to find out though. Hes mortgage free. Big time trust fund vibes. And im like thats cool. We can play poker. But don’t act like we in the same boat man. Sure. Same ocean, much much different boats. F*****s on a yacht yelling down to my dingy about how rough the seas are….

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#77

A friend told me he was really stressed about a situation at work (an international bank).

The situation was an intern from Germany he was hoping to sleep with was returning home, and he was afraid he might not get the opportunity to do so.

Fortunately there was a happy ending and he accomplished his mission before she left.

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