Join the Fun!

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Had a very pushy insurance salesman want my address so he could meet me in person to better show the value of his products or some nonsense. I gave him the address of a brothel. Got an angry call back a couple of days later saying that I gave him the wrong address. I told him I thought he was looking for someone to screw over and then hung up on him."

dirkjently , Ged Carroll Report

513points

POST

Roaming_Pie , Dominika Kwiatkowska Report

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Depends on the scam call. Recently I’m getting a lot of “we’re calling in regards to your recent car accident” I relied on “how dare you! I died in that accident!”"

498points

POST

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Scammer was Indian, I'm Indian, I put on my Indian accent then accused him of putting on a bad fake Indian accent to make fun of me and told him he should be ashamed of himself. It was a few seconds of fun."

atomjohn , R4vi Report

493points

POST

Ahshalon_Tenisk , Daniele Levis Pelusi Report

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Just start chanting in Latin. Most hang up quickly. One begged me not to curse her family."

468points

POST

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "You've reached the FBI telephone fraud division, how may I help you?"

TreePretty , m01229 Report

420points

POST

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I once got a scammer to say "I love you too." It was one of those resort/vacation calls and I kept him in the line for his whole spiel. When he asked who else would be vacationing with me, I asked if he would go with me. I was like, ”It will save on airfare because you're already there.” Ended up with him saying he had to end the call and I was like, ”Okay. I love you.” And he reflexively goes ” I love you too". The high point of my life."

soupsweats , Nataliya Vaitkevich Report

397points

POST

Smashing_stuff , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Mr. Smashing Stuff, I'm calling about an accident you were involved in that wasn't your fault."

"Oh it wasn't an accident, I meant to hurt those people."

The pause you get before being immediately escalated to a 'manager' is like a crack to me."

394points

POST

tantalizingGarbage , Braxton Apana Report

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I whisper into the mic to make them turn the volume on their headsets up then suddenly start yelling."

390points

POST

#10

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I have two things I do. 1) I try to sell them WiFi. I personally have nothing to do with internet services. But I can guarantee that my services are the cheapest in town and seeing as how you called me you must be interested. Now before you think “man I’m really not gonna get as good a deal as I’d like.” I can promise no buffers and high-quality streaming at a fraction. Yes, you heard it a fraction of what you currently are paying, if you just give me your first and last name we can get the ball rolling. No one has ever lasted that one.

2) in a very heavy southern accent. “Now the lord spoke to me today and he told me that I’d be bringing another one of his lambs that had been led astray back into the flock, I’m gonna open this conversation with a prayer real quick.” Most people hang up. Some and very few last through my 10-minute prayer. After that, I go straight into asking about their addictions and why the lord is telling me about how their browser history is causing demons to enter their home."

fooourskin , Tima Miroshnichenko Report

382points

POST

#11

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I always screech "welcome to shining dragon buffet you place an order" if they ask anything else I get angrier and go "YOU CALL SHINING DRAGON BUFFET, PLACE ORDER OR GET OFF MY PHONE". I'll probably get into trouble one day but its a lot of fun."

demonardvark , Franklin Heijnen Report

372points

POST

#12

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Hello, sir. This is the Microsoft Office. We're calling to inform you that your computer is infected with a virus."

"My computer?"

"Yes, sir. And if you do not take steps to correct it we will be forced to shut down your system remotely."

"Which one?"

"What?"

"Which computer? I have a couple."

"The one running Microsoft Windows."

"They all run Microsoft Windows."

"Yes, well, I am showing they are all infected." (you can literally hear him salivate.)

"So you're monitoring my systems right now?"

"Yes."

"Despite the fact that doing so is a violation of multiple federal laws?"

*Click*

Casual-Notice , Kai Hendry Report

366points

POST

#13

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Me - do you believe in our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Them - yes

Me - he wants you to quit calling."

IMissTexas , Franck Denis Report

364points

POST

About_Yeah_High , Martin Zaenkert Report

#14

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I once saw caller ID (landline days) with a number that I figured was a telemarketer. In a “tough” voice, without saying hello I asked, “Is he dead?” And about a beat and a half later I said, “Because if he ain’t dead, don’t you even think about coming back here.” Then what sounded like a young woman on the other end said, “Um, uh, uh Bye!” Hope she had as much fun telling her friends as I had telling mine."

351points

POST

#15

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I keep them on the phone for as long as humanly possible. I switch up the conversation, ask questions, stray completely off topic, slip in a few personal questions and just do whatever I can do to waste as much of their time as I can. My personal record is over 15 minutes of useless conversation which ended with me trying to proposition the male caller for sex. (For the record, I am a straight male and I assume that the caller was also straight.) I've been able to get an Indian telemarketer named Allen or Alex to give me his real name and location, and one telemarketer to stray from the script and admit that like me, he's also tried drugs. In one instance I was able to get the caller to admit that she hated her job and was only doing it to put herself through school. As much as I despise getting calls, I also try to remind myself that they are human beings, doing a job that everyone hates them for, and they probably hate themselves. I figure, at least perhaps I'll give them something fun to talk about after they get off of work."

Lobo-rojo , Tim Parkinson Report

326points

POST

#16

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "If they are calling about windows and doors, I tell them I live in a tent. "You are calling a tent, did you know this?" If they call about HVAC, I tell them I live in a castle, and we heat it in the wintertime by burning witches."

aaronpbentley , Oskar Karlin Report

318points

POST

#17

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "My new thing is to heavily troll them for as long as possible. If they're going to waste my time with endless calls, well then I'm going to do the same. Here's a good one - I recently encountered a very low-tech health insurance scam that used an actual phone line and not a spoof. I called them back literally over 1000 times for two days straight and eventually got to the main person. He actually pleaded for me to stop calling and apologized profusely, lol it was very satisfying."

reddit.com , Antoni Shkraba Report

282points

POST

#18

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I can't talk right now, I'm actually here to rob the place."

TheStabbyBrit , Trap Gang Report

279points

POST

#19

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses “HELLO, caller number two! You’re on with The Sturge at numbitty 902 WA3DFM. What do you have to say about the Lizard Illuminati?”

me_vicky , Robert Koorenny Report

272points

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techdude12019 , Mohamed Salim Nashwan Report

#20

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I usually get the duct cleaning guys calling so I will just yell out to my wife and ask if the ducks need to be cleaned. I will respond back that we are good. They will keep pressing and I will keep playing on them eventually I will be like the ducks are cleaned but if they have any fix for the quacking that would help. The call ends right after."

264points

POST

#21

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I pretend to be the dumbest guy in the world.

Them - “You should update your home's security”

Me - “Like how?”

Them - “A camera on the front door is a good st..”

Me (interrupts) - “Front door? My front door is on the side of my house. How will that work? Do you have a side door camera?”

Them - “Yes sir of course. We have many dif...”

Me (interrupts again) - “PHEW! I have looked for so long for a side front door camera salesman. You, sir, are my savior. Are you married?”

257points

POST

ohsnap-thats-me , RODNAE Productions Report

#22

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "You’ve reached your local morgue, you slice ‘em, we dice ‘em. How can we help you?"

254points

POST

Henry Russell 1 year ago

hello welcome to timmys pizzaeria where yesterdays loss is todays sauce how can i help you

184points

Mike Beck 1 year ago

Billy Bob's Pizzeria and Taxidermy! Enjoy your pet one last time! Actually printed this on a business card once and put it in one of those "business card drawing/raffle things" once.

39points

Spack Jarrow 1 year ago

Local horse washing plant, good morning! May we wash your horse today?

20points

Abnus 1 year ago

Taxidermist and Veterinary. Either way, you get your dog back.

15points

Purple Gurl 1 year ago

I do a similar-Welcome to Joe's Funeral Home and Taco Shack-Where yesterday's grief is today's beef

6points

Sardonyx_3 1 year ago

I've seen "Welcome to Tim's pizzeria and abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce! How may I help you?"

6points

ISeeWendiGo 1 year ago (edited)

It's supposed to be Timmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic. Not saying I like the joke.

5points

Loonie Toonie 1 year ago

Oh imma use that one!

5points

Saige 1 year ago

Welcome to the local morgue, you kill em we chill em how can I help you today? and then you let them say like, two words and then say "Timmy, is that you? you were supposed to bring 20 bodies you said you had stashed."

4points

ADHD McChick 1 year ago

I like to say "Harrison County morgue and pizza parlor, you bring 'em in when they die, we'll turn 'em into a pie! Today's special: 2 for 1 on the large sausage!" Or "Harrison County kitten shelter and smokehouse, do you like your critters cute 'n cuddly, or crispy crunchy? Special 2 for 1 if you like both!" Note: I would NEVER actually hurt a kitten, lol!

3points

Autistic apricot 1 year ago

That’s so amazing

2points

𖤐houseplant𖤐 1 year ago

*chokes*

0points

NY Redneck 1 year ago (edited)

"Hector's abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us! How can I help you?" And yeah, I know...here come the down votes, but it gets the job done. There actually more to it, but I'm not gonna push my luck.

17points

Penny Lost 1 year ago

"Roadkill Café! You kill 'em, we grill 'em! May I take your order?"

11points

Fluffy mommy panda 1 year ago

Yes a side of road kill armadillo and tire skid possum

5points

Christian Laurendine 1 year ago

Hi you've reached jack's mortuary, where you kill it and we grill it, how can i help you Thank you for calling joes sperm bank, you jack it and we pack it, what may i do you for?

10points

Gøøse 1 year ago

My dad usually answers the phone with "Hello, city morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em."

9points

Joshie.Bean 1 year ago

I always say "Welcome to Marco's taco shop and funeral home where yesterday's grief is today's beef, how may I help you today"

8points

Donkey boi 1 year ago

You have reached [City name]'s crematorium, you kill 'em, we grill 'em.

3points

Kathleen R. 1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Nathaniel Badger 1 year ago

Welcome to Tim's road kill diner You kill'em we grill'em how may I help you?

1point

David R. 1 year ago

"You stab 'em, we slab 'em"

1point

Joyce C 1 year ago

Dons lumber yard. Are you feeling bored?

1point

SaneMinotaur (she/her) 1 year ago

We've got wood!

0points

riri_shizu 1 month ago (edited)

Hello, this is Fairfax Sperm Bank you squeeze it we freeze it how can I help you?

0points

Audrey Martin 9 months ago (edited)

Hello, "Persian Cats and Carpets".... Are you interested in cats or carpets? My brother suggested this one to me.

0points

Uncle Schmickle 9 months ago

" This is ( so and so ) funeral home. Our motto is make your last lay your best lay... get laid by the best ".

0points

Nikki Gross 10 months ago (edited)

We actually had a local smoke house and grill that said "You kill it, we grill it, you choke it, we smoke it" and yes they would do anything you brought them except for anything qualified as a pet. The fact that they actually had to post that one should tell you something.

0points

Devin Schmitt 11 months ago

Smith's Funeral Service. You plug 'em, we plant them!

0points

Linda Niemczyk 1 year ago

Local morgue. You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em

0points

Barbara Ryan 1 year ago

And oldie but goodie! I taught this to my kids....I still laugh when they try it on me.

0points

Raven Red 1 year ago

Westview orphanage, you make 'em we take 'em, how may I help you?

0points

TrippyBanana 1 year ago

This made me chuckle

0points

Isaac Harvey 1 year ago

(Monotone) Thank you for calling. Your estimated wait time is: 24 hours.

0points

Curry on... 1 year ago

My mom used to answer the phone, "city morgue."

0points

Nicole Vanasse 1 year ago

Hello! You've reached Rita Roadkill Café; you kill it, we grill it! How I can I help you today? Another one I do is: Good afternoon, Betty's Bangin' Brothel! We have a 2 for 1 special today, so y'all can get more bang fer yer buck!

0points

Tony James 1 year ago

Legend has it that Jim Morrison had a similar line, delivered in "dumb suthern" drawl, "Mo'sun's mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em."

0points

You Should Do Nothing with the Fence 1 year ago

"Hello, Smithtown Morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em."

0points

Teresa Simmons 1 year ago

You kill "em, we chill "em.

0points

RoanTheMad 1 year ago

Ooh, given my studies/occupation I'll have to try this one

0points

Alexandria Z 1 year ago

I have caller id and when It tells me it's a scam call I usually answer 'City Morgue' I have yet to have one not hang up.

0points

Mike Campbell 1 year ago

My uncle always used to say "You've reached roadkill cafe. You kill 'em, we grill 'em."

0points

Greg Baughman 1 year ago

Mike's morgue... you stab 'em, we slab 'em!

0points

John Dilligaf 1 year ago

Joe's mortuary - you stab 'em we slab 'em

0points

Maltaros 1 year ago

When I worked in a restaurant my boss used to do this when somebody called the kitchen line. We had a lot of confused suppliers.

0points

Huck Finn 1 year ago

Jane's abortion clinic, no fetus will beatus!

0points

Cuppa tea? 1 year ago

This is pathology department, may I have your reservation number?

0points

Jon Rindfleisch 1 year ago

You stab 'em we slab 'em

0points

AJ the Bored Panda 1 year ago

I’ve also heard “you stab ‘em we slab ‘em”

0points

Ray Heap 1 year ago

I use that as well, „local crematorium, you kill ‚em, we grill ‚em!

0points

Wyn Williams 1 year ago

My favorite version is (insert name) crematorium, you kill em we grill em :)

0points

Nikki Gross 1 year ago

Thank you for calling The Chicken Whorehouse, we pluck'em, you f**k'em. Would you like to have a rooster or hen today? Or this is Casey's mule barn, head jackass speaking!

0points

Mickard 1 year ago

You kill 'em we chill 'em

0points

cute ghost person 1 year ago

my friends says " welcome to [random name]'s ab***ion pizzaria, where yeterdays loss is todays sauce

0points

Jane Hower 1 year ago

We lived in Columbia County, PA and my dad would answer the phone "Columbia Hyde and Tallow" - it's where dead horses are sent. hehe

-2points

#23

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I used to get a lot of “home security” calls offering alarm systems and cameras. I would of course ask all the curious questions and then lead them to believe I was using the alarm system and cameras to keep people inside the house."

d_hens , Photon JPG Report

242points

POST

#24

"I got the IRS call on my day off one day while sitting on the porch. You know the deal. If you don't get X amount of Visa Gift Cards the police will come etc. So I stayed in the line for like an hour playing dumb- like saying which target do I shoot to get the gift cards cuz I'm at the gun range, do I have to drive or can I order online, etc- then since my morning coffee had begun to do its work and it was getting hot outside? So the guy once again told me if I don't comply the cops will come. I say send them. He says oh no, all we need is 2k or whatever it was. I say no again, and this time he tells me the police are on the way. I say where I can see the local station from my house. I'm told they are undercover (why? It's an IRS thing but I digress). I tell him since they aren't here I'll just go turn myself in and that I'm walking there. Cue panic on the other line. Saying everything he can to get me to go to Target (even Walmart works now!), I tell him too late just got to the station (bathroom), and that I'm gonna put him on with the desk clerk so they know how to book me. The dude hung up immediately. Which was a bummer, cuz I was about to pull out a wicked Boston accent and play dirty cop. But instead, I continued with the coffees work.

MJ134 Report

229points

POST

#25

"I only do this if I'm at home... I scream. They stop talking..when they start talking again I scream again. "Sir are you okay?!" "I'm taking a sh*t and I swear it's coming out sideways! Oh god please keep talking it helps!" Then repeat steps one and two until they hang up."

FilledwithTegridy Report

224points

POST

#26

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I sometimes try to sell them stuff. I once spent 45 minutes on a slow day at work trying to sell a 120 kg vibrator to some dude."

J-Sixhoej , JÉSHOOTS Report

219points

POST

Nursultan_Tulyakbay_ , Quinn Dombrowski Report

#27

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Shouting in Arabic mostly get them pretty scared."

213points

POST

#28

"I ask them to confirm my information for security purposes. Breaks their script and they don't know what to say!"

hitforhelp Report

212points

POST

#29

"Flip the script on them. Hello, thank you for returning our call. We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."

SixGunChimp Report

211points

POST

#30

"I wait 15-20 seconds in complete silence then let out the loudest god-awful screech I can manage and listen to them scramble to take off their headset in complete panic."

kosmoludek Report

208points

POST

#31

"Just to let you know, by law I'm required to inform you that this is a premium phone line that will be billed directly to your provider. By calling here you agree to accept all charges. Something like that not only gets them to hang up, but they tend to stop calling me after that."

Nethervex Report

203points

POST

#32

"Are you touching yourself too?"

mr_jedders Report

202points

POST

#33

"I usually go for "The person you are calling is deceased and their death is currently part of an ongoing investigation. Please stay on the line as we may need to jot down your personal information." My grandmother picks up every call even when she knows it's a scammer, but she usually just says "Not interested." And hangs up. Showed her my way of doing it one time and she thought I was a crazy person."

ShrikePilgrim Report

202points

POST

#34

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I usually respond with: "Is it your first day?"

"On the job?"

"No, on Earth."

kazmac19 , Dziubi Steenbergen Report

198points

POST

#35

"I was like 8-10 years old and had someone call asking if I was a homeowner. Had them on the phone for 5 minutes straight having them repeatedly explain what a homeowner is. They hung up, I was so proud."

B1gSheen Report

190points

POST

#36

"My dad used to get a lot of Viagra salesman. So he pleads with them to stop sending free samples because he's too hard all the time and can't live his life."

anusthrasher96 Report

189points

POST

NoOneShallPassHassan Report

#37

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Is this what you wanted to be when you grew up?"

188points

POST

#38

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "I tell them my name is Billy Madonna, and I drive a '93 Toyota Paseo. Then I start getting pissed when they tell me they actually CAN'T give me an extended warranty on my car. I mean, why can't you?! YOU called ME, and the machine SAID I could get an extended warranty. THAT IS FALSE ADVERTISING! LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR SUPERVISOR!"

ImTheGreatLeviathan , RL GNZLZ Report

178points

POST

#39

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "My son always tells them "I have a belly button". Leaves them speechless."

2112n , zeevveez Report

175points

POST

#40

"I take a deep breath and let out a continuous raspberry. (fart noise with your tongue) for as long as I can. When I stop to take a breath I usually hear "..uh.. hello?" And then I take a big breath again and continue. No one has made it to two full raspberries before hanging up on me."

DasMess Report

170points

POST

YourMomThinksImFunny , Towfiqu barbhuiya Report

#41

Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses "Do you tell your friends and family you steal for a living?"

166points

POST

#42

"My favorite one is to just go along with whatever they want, using fake names, then when they ask for my credit card number I tell them it's out in my car in the parking garage, and tell them I'll go grab it, then just put them on hold until they hang up. My longest-ever holder was almost a half hour."

unibrow4o9 Report

165points

POST

#43

"My dad once got a scam call at dinner saying he won a trip to Orlando or something similar. He replied with the biggest, most excited voice: "ORLANDO! I LOVE ORLANDO! THAT'S WHERE MICKEY IS!! I LOVE MICKEY!!" Then he hung up."

NebulaDragon416 Report

165points

POST

#44

"My brother told me that he sometimes starts to purposely talk in broken English, as soon as he realizes that it’s a scammer. He would pretend to be very interested in whatever they were selling. Then just as it seemed like a sale was certain, he would start asking questions that showed that he really didn’t understand what was being offered for sale or what he has to pay. No matter how much the scammer tries to explain, my brother will at first appear to get it and then will continue not to understand. This goes on until the caller finally hangs up in frustration, sometimes cursing him out first."

Nuf-Said Report

160points

POST

#45

"I say OH MY GOD THERE IS A SHARK IN MY HOUSE I HAVE TO GO BYE!!!"

147points

POST

#46

"I just give the phone to my 7yo and he just curses a blue streak."

crapittycrapcrap Report

138points

POST

#47

"Grab a metal skillet, place it on the phone, and bang the thing with a metal spoon. Perfect response."

Ironhead-Official Report

136points

POST

#48

"Tell them you don't have this common thing they're calling about. For example, calling about windows checking? Sorry, I live in a basement, and I have no windows. My child got in a car crash and I need to pay? It's a miracle, my child has died a few weeks ago and suddenly they're alive and in a car crash! Are you a wizard who can revive the dead? Amazing! Just confuse them and waste as much time as you can, bonus points if you make them feel like sh*t."

Williukea Report

133points

POST

#49

"Got a call from a lady who said she can save me hundreds on my insurance. My insurance is $167. So you giving me money now that's sick."

HereToDoThingz Report

132points

POST

#50

"Ask them for their personal phone number so I can call them on there when I’m off work. Gets hung up pretty quick."

cdanielss24 Report

126points

POST

Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium

Unlimited content

Ad-free browsing

Dark mode

#51

"I give them a phone number one digit at a time and ask them to repeat it as a whole after each one. Then tell them they got it wrong when I'm done and start over."

Lakanooky Report

54points

POST

#52

"I usually have to answer the phone because I need to figure out if it's a potential job calling. If it ends up being a telemarketer, then I usually have some funny excuse on why I can't buy what they're selling. My funniest one was as follows:

ME: [Pausing a video game I'm playing] Hello?

TM: Hello! I'm here to present a great internet offer for you today, let me start first by asking how much do you pay for internet?

ME: Uhhh Nah, I don't pay anything. I just steal my neighbor's internet.

TM: [pauses to stifle laughter] ah okay well would you be interested in Spectrum internet?

ME: Not unless you can beat free!

TM: [muffled discussion; TM says "I'm not being disrespectful] Okay thank you for your time! Have a good day!"

The_Owl_Bard Report

53points

POST

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#53

"My dad's classic line is: I can't talk right now, my house is on fire."

ChosenSCIM Report

52points

POST

#54

"When I'm not feeling creative, I just tell the truth.

SCAMMER: You bought tech support from us last year.

ME: No, I didn't.

SCAMMER: Yes, you bought our tech support package. It's about to expire.

ME: There isn't anything to expire.

Etc. They're not supposed to hang up, so they try for a long time before finally giving up. I regard wasting their time as a minor public service."

ChangeTheFocus Report

51points

POST

#55

"I usually start with "Just so you are aware this conversation is being recorded for your and my safety." I usually either get cussed out or they hang up right away."

MrLunacy Report

50points

POST

#56

"If I catch they’re telemarketers or scammers I usually try to take their order. “Domino’s pizza, can I take your order?” If they catch me off guard and I have the time, I try to weird them out. “What are you wearing?” “Have you washed your teeth today?” They hang up before I do. It’s fun."

Anthoz Report

49points

POST

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#57

"So, what is your password?" "Kyarewthu. Big K, small cyrylic Ya, Polish ew, Icelandic eth, Turkish dotless i. No bot will ever brute force this."

Odin_Allfathir Report

47points

POST

#58

"Hi there, and thanks for calling Cardiff Aquarium. Please be aware your call may be recorded for training purposes."

spunkymynci Report

47points

POST

#59

"Would you like to try out a three-day trial of our adult diapers?"

GibberishPlayz Report

47points

POST

#60

"I just say, "My Mommy is not home right now!"... "I said my Mommy is not home right now!!!" Throw a tantrum."

GeneralFactotum Report

45points

POST

#61

"Hi sorry this is my work line, so I don’t take personal calls on here! Here’s my home phone: insert the phone number of another known scammer/other prank call number here call me there later and we can talk! Works better for texting-based scams, but would probably work for calls too."

JanusIsBlue Report

44points

POST

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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#62

"Respond to every question with, "And then?" until they hang up."

openletter8 Report

44points

POST

#63

"I get a lot of scam calls about accidents. I go along with it but pretend the accident involved hitting my head. I fake amnesia and make the conversation go around in circles until they get frustrated and hang up."

Communism_is_bae Report

44points

POST

#64

"Heavily flirt."

43points

POST

#65

"I will let Jim Browning know about what is going on here, thanks! If you don't know, Jim Browning is what scammers check under their beds for at night."

mousedroidz21 Report

43points

POST

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

#66

"When they start asking for information, I ask... You called me... You should know all of that already... They hang up..."

rap31264 Report

43points

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#67

"I act like I'm really glad they called. I tell them I've been hoping they would call. I'm effusive in my excitement. They usually hang up immediately."

YossarianJr Report

43points

POST

#68

"Start talking about how miserable your life is. Make crap up about how your dog died, and your wife left you, and you lost everything and you just got fired and you just lost your job and now you owe the IRS 20000 too! Keep talking for a bit until you start talking about how “My life is terrible, nothing could ever go right for me again, I’m just gonna end it all.” Then google the sound of a gunshot and play it at max volume right next to the phone. Just listen to the chaos that is happening on the other end of the line then hang up after a minute."

Skyvrr Report

42points

POST

#69

"My mom had one last week and she started hitting on him! " your voice is so sexy are u single?" He asked to be her sugar baby. She laughed hysterically and hung up."

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

41points

POST

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“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#70

"I kept a "SS Administration agent" on the phone for well over 2 hours (we were in prime covid lockdown so I had the time). He wanted me to prove my innocence of a crime that my SS# was tied to (murder, kilos of Cochise, and money laundering). The only way to show I was a victim of identity theft was to use all my money and buy Amazon gift cards. Even got in the truck and turned it on to drive around the block. I got back in the house and the scammer wanted the codes off the back. I told him I bought Nike cards bc they were out of Amazon (Jerry Parker was not pleased, but that he could still verify my identity using Nike). So here I am with "my life savings of $375 in Nike gift cards" and I start having reservations about scratching the cards. At this point, he starts threatening an arresting agent will be sent to my house and getting hostile. Told me to go F myself and when I asked what I should do with the Nike cards, he said to shove them up my ass. Despite that, he would not hang up. I kept asking for supervisors and ways to call him back or verifiable contact info for his friend in the FBI, but it wasn't until I overheard his supervisor come by and give him the ok to hang up. Wasting their time is a great way to get removed from their call list!"

DrClo Report

40points

POST

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#71

"As a kid, it was my mom/dad dead then fake crying and screaming till they hung up. In college "DeeDees used ammunition if we can't kill it, it's immortal." As an adult, I give the phone to my 8-year-old and ask him to tell them everything he wants to about animals..."

losttotheart Report

40points

POST

#72

"I learned the Hindi phrases: "He aakaash, yah bos hai. kya aapane is saptaah pahale hee 30 logon ko dhokha diya hai? apana anubandh yaad rakhen. yadi aap nahin karate hain, to aap parinaam jaanate hain" Which translates to: "Hey Akesh, this is boss. Have you already scammed 30 people this week? Remember your contract. If you don't, you know the consequences."

ABigOne77 Report

40points

POST

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#73

"I once repeated "uh huh, go on.." over and over until they got really irritated and then just hung up on me."

orange_cuse Report

39points

POST

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#74

"I tell them my mother said to me not to talk to strangers and ask them to call me on FaceTime."

Tsunades_titties Report

39points

POST

#75

"When it is a social security scam, I pretend I am really old, so so scared, and can’t hear very well. When they ask for my name, I spell it very loud and slowly every time. My go-to name is Ethel Beavers. I tell them “my social”—not really— but forget the middle and start over again and again so I never really tell them a whole number... or I leave off two digits and get very confused when they tell me they need more numbers. They usually hang up around the second spelling of Ethel Beavers."

gEos_Kennedy Report

38points

POST

#76

"This is 91.7 KSCM The Bridge, you are the seventh caller and YOU WON! Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED????"

37points

POST

#77

"My teacher got a call from the AA in the middle of one of one her lessons, and she answered the call, and left it open for the rest of the lesson, telling the woman on the other side to “let her finish taking attendance” etc. When the lesson ended, she made the class shout “she’s not interested!” And then she hung up."

TheChemicalSophie Report

37points

POST

#78

"I always answer scam likely calls in Kermit's voice, they always laugh and hang up laughing."

littletime-5177 Report

36points

POST

#79

"Yes, I want to extend my warranty. My 2010 Ram 1500 has 350k miles on it. Ok, thank you."

DemanoRock Report

35points

POST

#80

"Hello, how are you, I'm under the water, please help me, here too much raining ughughgurhaughraughihaugh."

Pickle-Guava Report

35points

POST

#81

"Not quite a scammer, but during the last election, I repeatedly got calls and texts from the local Democrat party branch. On one particularly egregious day where I received multiple calls within just a few hours, I picked up, and instead of just hanging up I told them that if they ever called me again I would vote for Trump. Call volume vastly decreased after that point; not sure if it was actually what I said or not, but I like to think it helped."

Neriya Report

35points

POST

#82

"I usually pretend to be an answering machine."

Crypto7899 Report

34points

POST

#83

"They ask if we want to sign up for solar panels. I always say I live in an igloo. There’s no room up there for anything. They usually hang up after that."

DarthTrafford Report

34points

POST

#84

"Not me, but my boss will play along with the scammer until it gets to the point where they want to send him a check. At that point, he gives a fake name (usually Hugh Jass or Hugh Janus) for them to make a check out to, then when the check arrives he displays it proudly in the office."

Dangerwullfe Report

32points

POST

#85

"I always ask them where they're calling from. It usually trips them up to some degree. If they say they're local, I ask them follow-up questions. Sometimes they play along, but usually not. Another thing I like to do is just answer the call but not say anything."

4a4a Report

32points

POST

#86

"Talk to them then ask them to hold on for a second, grab a pot and something metal or wooden, check to make sure they are still on the phone and tell them just one more second, then place the phone under the pot and proceed to bang the sh*t out of it... yep."

grumpykixdopey Report

31points

POST

#87

"Play along for as long as possible, just giving them fake details. You can tell the frustration slowly builds but they're still trying to be all nice and helpful."

special-spork Report

30points

POST

#88

"Hi, We have been trying to reach you about your car's warranty. Thats great, what plans can you offer me on my 97 geo metro? I've only been in 6 wrecks. they usually just give up."

Wildfires Report

29points

POST

#89

"I once had one yell, cuss at me, and hang up. Do you know those ones where a scammer pretends to be an “IRS agent” and needs your Social Security information? In this case, the guy introduced himself as “Officer Daniel Bryan”. Anyway, I strung him along for a good 20 minutes or so, then got bored with it. So I told him to knock it off, and he threatened to come to arrest me. I asked if he showed up to arrest me, and I asked if he was Daniel Bryan, would he respond by going “yes. Yes. Yes! YES! YES! YES!”. And then he swore at me and hung up."

NathanGa Report

29points

POST

#90

"Oh hang on, let me get the, they'll be able to help you! Then just turn the microphone off and go about my day."

alexandicity Report

28points

POST

#91

"Tip for Canadians. If you get scammers calling about whatever credit card, car, anything the like. Just answer in real brutal French. I use “alló, bonjour. Comma cest va?” ( sorry native French speakers, I haven’t written any French down since grade 9). They’ll get right pissed and hang up quickly."

BurningBeard006 Report

28points

POST

#92

"Talk to them normally for a few seconds and then just scream bloody murder. Try to sound panicky and tell them to call 911 repeatedly, no other info just "Call 911, please! I'm being murdered." It helps if you have applesauce you can mush around for effect."

jack_n_choke Report

28points

POST

#93

"Hi scammer, bye scammer."

RissotoNearo Report

27points

POST

#94

"Lead them as far as you can go without giving any details and then hang up, or better still say you just need to get your bank card and leave them hanging."

Fats33 Report

26points

POST

#95

"I've put them on hold before. As if I'm working in a call center. Had a guy on hold for 5 or so minutes it was quite ridiculous that he stayed on the line."

blaedmon Report

25points

POST

#96

"In an Indian accent, I say wanna play pubG mobile?"

LarzarB3amFan Report

25points

POST

#97

"I just sing the one-winged angel lyrics."

24points

POST

#98

"Play them a song. My choice is Freaxx by Brokencyde."

riffraff12000 Report

24points

POST

#99

"I blast earrape music."

18points

POST

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

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Violeta is an SEO Editor at Bored Panda. She has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism.

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Violeta is an SEO Editor at Bored Panda. She has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism.

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What do you think ?

POST

Yu Pan 1 year ago

"Hold on, I don't actually make any decisions in my household. You can talk to my cat. He runs the house" *Pass phone to my sleeping cat*

69points

TailsFangirl03 1 year ago

Who downvoted you, that's genius!

23points

AbsintheMinded 1 year ago (edited)

You should then pretend to be your cat, & just purr & meow into the phone.

7points

Nikki Angulo 5 months ago

lol, I imagined my cat snoring loudly into the phone! He’s so loud!

1point

Invisible_Being_Me 1 year ago

Omg, I love cats and this answer. I tell people that my cats and I have conversations literally no one believed me until one of my friends witnessed it. She was so astounded that she wouldn't stop telling other people about it for months.

1point

OnAFreakingRollercoaster 1 year ago

I actually feel sorry for the people doing the phone calls. I swear if I had that job i would be jumping off a bridge after a half a day. But yeah. They are annoying AF.

23points

lauralett50 1 year ago

Them hello,how are you. Me fine but ,there is blood everywhere,what do you want done with the body. How long before the cleaning crew gets here ? Then : dialtone.

23points

Headless Roach 1 year ago

"Oh hello, it's great that you called today! I really need to talk to someone about our lord and saviour"

16points

Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago

He has many names, but we know him as the Great Skyroach, may the stars shine upon His Holy Exoskeleton for all Eternity, amen.

16points

that weirdo in ur closet 1 year ago

“Hey um sorry, I have to go to a fish funeral. It drowned. Catch u later?”

9points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

haahaha

3points

Lace Neil 1 year ago

I just say no to every question until they hang up.

7points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Or "yes".

0points

SH Holmes 1 year ago

In robot voice, "You have reached [insert phone number here]. If you want to p**s someone off, press 1. If you want to kindly f**k off, press the hangup button."

6points

Someone 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Red Wyvern Emperor 1 year ago

Might be a bit culturally insensitive, but I always go "Hello, Al Kaida secret recruitment center. We will blow your life up." XD

6points

TurquoiseTzarina 1 year ago

I've answered with "Homeland Security".

1point

Mouse 1 year ago

My favorite one is the guy who tried to sell my dad a prearranged funeral. My dad told him that in our religion we eat our dead.

5points

Steve Kenney 1 year ago

I have the most sure fire way to avoid 99 percent of scam calls. When it's a number you don't recognize...don't answer the phone. It's 2022, not 1987, most of the human population has cell phones. Don't answer the call.

5points

kath morgan 1 year ago

Yeah I’ve given up answering unknown numbers if I’m not expecting a call. Such a high percentage of it is spam now. I also just hang up if I answer one by mistake, no point in “winning”.

5points

Scarlett 1 year ago

My family had a scammer that kept calling even after my dad cussed them out. So I took matters into my own hands. There’s a particular Rammstein song called Mein Teil and it’s known for—among other things—a particular bit in the middle that sounds like someone screaming in pain. I put my speaker up to the phone and played it full blast. They never called back.

4points

Karma Black 1 year ago

Denn du bist was du isst!

0points

Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago

My dad once got a scam call and answered with "City morgue, you stab em, we slab em" and I actually heard the dude on the other end yell "aw HELL nah" and hang up.

4points

Lace Neil 1 year ago

Lol. My mum was a nurse before she retired, she just says, "let me tell you about my bowels" before going into horrifying medical speak on the subject of bowels. No-one has ever stayed the course.

4points

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago

Related to the "whisper, then yell" one: talk quiet till they're straining to hear. Then, blow an air horn into the phone. HOOOOONNNKKKK! 😈

4points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Then, get your phone repaired because you destroyed the microphone.

1point

Karma Black 1 year ago

In clear, unaccented American English: "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I can neither speak nor understand English."

3points

Rachel Reynolds 1 year ago

I took one semester of Russian in college, so when I get a telemarketer I recite Russian poetry in response to anything they say. Them: May I speak to the home owner? Me: Ночь, улица, фонарь, аптека. (Literally all I can say in Russian is this poem, "vodka please" and "I am the machine!"

3points

Lyone Fein 1 year ago

Thank you for all of these ideas. My 81 year old mother is very frustrated and annoyed by all the scam calls she gets. I will share some of these strategies with her.

3points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

With my inlaws I taught them to use text and whatsapp only as first port of call even with their friends. They eventually got it. Once their friends were doing that as a protocol (text first), they were able to ditch their landline and ignore calls thereafter.

2points

Zedrapazia 1 year ago

A good friend of mine usually just starts quoting random videogame dialogues until the salesperson on the phone is so confused they just hang up. Nobody made it past her Final Fantasy VII dialogue so far.

3points

Cat Dragon 9 months ago

I need to try this. "Hey, so I've come to call you about your cars extended warran--" you'll get the hang of it eventually. It's like riding a bike. Except the bike turns into a pastel horned devil. And you're the bike. "Extended warranty -" hello, I am the canonical npc "wa--" Nice weather today right "warran--" RIGHT "...ty."

1point

Arcana 1 year ago

Sing baby shark. Start out whisper then abruptly start YELLING

3points

zak 1 year ago

Wait, so some people actually answer the phone? Why??

3points

theoneandonlynoira 1 year ago

I say "I've done it, but there's so much blood!" and then hang up. Occasionally I wait to hear the sweet sound of confusion.

3points

theoneandonlynoira 1 year ago

Plot twist: I'm referring to Auntie Flow

4points

Jono 1 year ago

Just repeat everything they say with a question tone at the end.

3points

Nadine Debard 1 year ago

Oh that's evil!

1point

Bhava Vanathi 1 year ago

I just pretend to be a Karen. Them: Hallo, Your Daughter was in a accident. Me: EXCUSE ME!!! DID YOU JUST ASSUME THE GENDER OF THEM. HOW DARE YOU?? I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!! Them: Mam, calm down! Me: HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I'M FEMALE?! I AM A THEY/THEM!!!!

2points

tuzdayschild 1 year ago

My brother-in-law tells them he's listening, but as soon as they start talking he interrupts at the top of his lungs: "Excuse me, IF YOU KIDS DON'T STOP THAT NOISE I'M COMING IN THERE! I'm sorry, continue. I MEAN IT, YOU BETTER SHUT UP NOW! Go ahead, you were saying. THAT IS IT, I AM GOING TO COME IN THERE AND BREAK BONES!" This just escalates until the scammer hangs up. P.S. My sister and her husband don't have any kids in their house.

2points

Unnamed Hooman 1 year ago

“So now that we’re besties, I can tell you my secret talent! I’m really good at impressions! *do some bad impressions* alright, now my best one, a dial tone!” *hang up*

2points

Unnamed Hooman 1 year ago

I got my first ever scam call yesterday! Unfortunately I couldn’t toy with them because it was prerecorded so I just said “Bruh” and hung up

2points

The Doom Song 1 year ago

"Ooh you sound hot what are you wearing?" I had a guy hang up on me but then called back to asked me on a date. Funniest part was I was at work

2points

Cat Dragon 9 months ago

I never experienced that, but if it happened, I'd be like "hey you wanna hear about cassette beasts? Cool ok so..." and I proceed to explain the entirety of cassette beasts. If they somehow make it through that, then I'm going on a Warriors rant about how mapleshade's kits technically should have gone to the dark forest and that queens shouldn't tell their kits that if they're bad tigerstar will get them

1point

Cat Dragon 9 months ago

And remember, if all else fails, sing something annoying

0points

CrazyCatChild (She/They) 10 months ago

My choir teacher will pretend to only speak Spanish, and my Mariachi teacher has everyone in the class play their instruments really loud.

1point

lonely miso 1 year ago

"Welcome to Laser Headed Screaming Duck! What would you like to order?"

1point

Rhianna Hollowaye 1 year ago

Random Latin screaming is my personal favourite, closely followed by reciting the illiad nonstop until the go away

1point

BravePanda 1 year ago

"Exotic Butters, our special today is Mongolian yak butter with Himalayan pink salt. How may I place your order? We also are running a special on our Icelandic butters, we have three included in our newest sampler set. What part of the world would you like to visit today?"

1point

Ed Veek 1 year ago

Say---The body is in the refrigerator and the gun is in the lake---and hang up!

1point

Apollo 1 year ago

I usually just start singing sea shanties, reciting poetry, or sing/reciting old ballads in old English/old Norse. Main ballads are Ó Valhalla, Rún, Gleipnir, and Þat mælti mín móðir. They usually hang up fast

1point

Araceli 1 year ago

I can make a dog whistle pitch noise and its fun to do that when a scammer calls

1point

memyselfandI 1 year ago

I’ve never managed to catch a scam caller in the wild, unfortunately. All I get are bots.

1point

Hello_my_name_is_Genevieve 1 year ago

We need to differenciate telemarketers and scammers, though. Most of the formers are just trying to do their job. Been there ages ago; I did not last one day. It is a tough job.

1point

The Mom 1 year ago (edited)

I always lead the conversation to sex. They mumble an little and hang up. . One of my sons answers the phone using a foreign accent and says, "Thank you for calling SuddenLink. My name is Kevin how may I help you today?" (SuddenLink is our local internet provider) He then tries to sell them different packages if they haven't already hung up.

1point

Michael Largey 1 year ago

When an Internet provider calls hawking its service, I always reply "I have a theory about the Internet." "What is it?" "I don't believe that it's possible."

1point

Robert T 1 year ago

I have my Raspberry Pi answer the phone with a fax modem for numbers it doesn't recognise. :D

1point

LuLikesGoats They/them 1 year ago

I do this creepy demon voice that sounds kinda robotic and they always give up when I say something like "you have reached h3ll, how can I help you?"

1point

mcborge1 1 year ago

I have a downstairs toilet which is very handy when scammers call as I grab some water from the kitchen, usually from the kettle if it still has any water in it then I go into the toilet and start slowly pouring the water into the bowl whilst whistling loudly, only stopping when they stop talking. Throwing a few grunts and fake farts into the mix helps set the scene too. :D :D

1point

LooseSeal's $10 Banana 1 year ago

I have mixed feelings about this. It's certainly fun to do, but the vast majority of these people are just doing their job. Granted, the telemarketing industry shouldn't even exist, but I don't want to be mean/ruin the day of some random person just trying to earn a paycheck.

1point

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

"Just doing my job" is the absolute WORST excuse for bad behavior that has ever been invented.

1point

Ronnie Cutshall 1 year ago

I just answer with Hooker'R'US. You bang them for under twenty.

1point

mhoulden 1 year ago (edited)

A few I've used: "I would like to buy a conservatory but I live in a second floor flat. Do you do them with stilts?" "Hello, I'm calling from $company and there's a problem with your account." "There certainly is. I haven't got one." "I work for fraud investigations. Could you confirm a few details please?" Then there was the person who put the phone next to a radio and had the caller talking to the interviewer.

1point

Pieter LeGrande 1 year ago

Not a scam, but just as annoying. My work phone was one digit different to the local bakery. Every day I'd get a call from some little old lady " Hello my name Doris, I'd like to order one loaf of bread." I'd explain the phone number problem, give her the correct number and hang up. Next day, same thing, and the next for months. Eventually one day I said "Yes" and took the order. She never called again. Maybe she starved to death.

1point

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

reminds me of the Cutts the Butcher issue in Marlinspike (Tintin reference).

-1point

Tavi “Raptor” Parks 1 year ago

I'm awaiting the day I get another spam call so I can go "John's cafe and pet cremation! You bring em we burn em! How can I help you today?"

1point

Uncle Schmickle 9 months ago

If the have an Indian accent, ask where they're calling from. If they say India, ask them about the weather, what type of elephants they have, do they have any good curry recipes, etc. If it's trying to sell heating products, solar panels, etc. tell them that if they could give you a nice curry recipe, then you wouldn't need heating.

0points

Uncle Schmickle 9 months ago

Pretend to be a recording ... " For (xyz ) please press 1, for ( abc ) please press 2, etc.etc."

0points

Toni Atchison 1 year ago

I love telling the car warranty people that I don't drive because I'm blind. Tends to shut them up.

0points

Lene 1 year ago

On an evening talkshow here in denmark they once had an old lady talk about how she messed with scammers. She'd sometimes keep them on the phone for hours! She'd pretend to be hard of hearing and not understanding sh*t so she'd ask them to explain whatever they just said over and over again. She said she'd often just put the phone down on a table next to her and knit or watch TV and then every now and then she'd pick up the phone and pretend she just didn't quite understand what scammer said and as he starts over again she'd just put the phone down and continue knitting. Her theory was that the longer she kept the scammers occupied with her the fewer innocent ppl would be scammed by them.

0points

Wonderful 1 year ago

I’ve pretended that our lines got crossed and I’m having a conversation with my mom and I’m reading my credit card number to her while she can’t understand and I keep repeating and jumbling it. Got a guy to listen to my one way “conversation” for like 10 minutes. “Hey mom!” Did you got the card info from ———— ? Oh well you got a pen I have it with me. Ok ok. It’s visa number blah blah blah blah”. While inserting crazy stories about family members and getting everything mixed up. And once they think they are listening in on a conversation and might get money from it. They become quiet. Most hang up once they can’t “talk to me”. It’s fun

0points

Nicole Holt 1 year ago

I sometimes lean my phone up against the speaker and have them listen to a conspiracy theory or murder podcast. I had one person actually stay on for 15 minutes. I wonder, if they gained some knowledge they didn't have before :)

0points

Heather Talma 1 year ago

Man, all the ones I get are robots. You can't even have any fun with them.

0points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Lots of great joking here, but the method I actually use is to let all calls from unknown numbers go to voicemail. My outgoing message says "Please leave a message. If you don't, your number will be permanently blocked". And I follow through on that. Not particularly entertaining, but my life is peaceful.

0points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

This is Officer Krupski. The phone you're calling was found on a body that was mangled beyond recognition and apparently had their wallet stolen since there is no ID. Can you tell us who you were calling, please?

0points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Sounds great, I'll take it! But my credit card got cancelled for nonpayment, so now I only use cash. Can you come by to pick it up?

0points

Jo Cooper 1 year ago

I tell them very clearly that I don’t speak English…in English

0points

Tobias Reaper 1 year ago

answer the phone and pretend you are a police detective at a crime scene and this is the murder victims phone

0points

Will Cable 1 year ago

Best things we found was getting an answering machine. Turned the volume to low/off and they never leave messages but if it is someone we know we can answer it.

0points

Frank S 1 year ago

I always love reading these but I often wonder, am I the only one who doesn’t get these calls really? I’ve gotten about 3 in over a decade.

0points

AlanandLeila Hoyt 1 year ago (edited)

My favorite scam calls I’ve gotten are the hostage ones . “We have your brother/father etc. They hit our car and we’re going to kidnap them and kill them if you don’t pay for the damages”. First time was to see how many meows I could get into the convo until they got angry enough to hang up. Second time was to seem reeally/creepily into the details of how they were going to torture/kill the relative (who was sitting right next to me at the time).

0points

Lauren S 1 year ago

I tend to get these on my work cell often. All I say is complete honesty. I work for a state run correctional facility and this is a state issued cell phone. They hang up immediately. On my personal phone I just say I’m not interested, have a nice day and hang up. The ones who are just doing a sales job are real people just trying to work and don’t need another person being rude. The scammers deserve the rudeness but I end the call too quickly to figure out which. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But some of these are hilarious!

0points

Cass Malone 1 year ago

I usually just press buttons when I know it's a scam call. I like how they have the little water drop sound now before they speak though

0points

debrina blackmoon 1 year ago

Watch Rosie Okumura :)

0points

Dozingdahlias 1 year ago

A couple years ago my grandma got a spam call, she put on this really frail old lady voice and led him on for a couple minutes before loudly cussing him out and hanging up.

0points

Someone 1 year ago

Pwease upvote this comment I've been targeted by mean downvoters🥺

0points

Stannous Flouride 1 year ago

A couple of days ago I watched a Mark Roper (the glitter bomb guy) video on YT about how he used his evil genius to unmask and get several Indian call centers shut down.

0points

Bobby 1 year ago

"May i speak to the person in charge of the household?" Hand the phone to my 5 year old

0points

Natasha 1 year ago

The one I’ve done that always gets them to hang up is moaning and pretending i’m having sex. Oh boy do they hang up quick

0points

Patricia 1 year ago

If the call is from a telemarketer, I respond politely, Not Interested, and hang up. BUT if the call is from a scammer I say, You are lying. Your mother would be so ashamed of you! and they hang up. Except one time a guy told me to F off before he hung up.

0points

Amo Mazzuchelli 1 year ago

I have given the phone to my kid telling them it's Santa and to list every they want. My work phone (Aust federal govt), I let them k ow they have rand a govt phone and what they are doing is illegal, very quick apology and hang up.

0points

Jesse 1 year ago

I put the phone into the funnel of my huntsman horn. Works every time.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

These are hilarious.

0points

Ivana Bašić 1 year ago

Learn a couple of words from some random small languages. I don't speak much Dutch, but I can just ask to switch the conversation to Dutch. Gets rid of them and reduces the number of calls I get in the future.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

Hmm ... Assuming Basic is a serbo-croatian name, you have 3m croats and 7m serbs. Dutch is like 29m. So actually a small language would be serbian / croatian. Just fwiw. In our country we have 11 official languages... and most people speak about 4. So the way this would work here is you'd have to switch to a non-african non-germanic language like Serbian or something. угодан дан даље.

0points

Bernd Herbert 1 year ago

I love these. Very Rarely is the world so back and white like here. Scammers are scum

0points

that weirdo in ur closet 1 year ago

“God damn it jimmy, I told u not to let them see the body! Wait…. Ur not jimmy, r u?”

0points

Animelover14 1 year ago

I just play really annoying kids music

0points

Camilla Koutsos 1 year ago

I don't get them.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

Αυτοί είναι άνθρωποι που τηλεφωνούν για να σας πουλήσουν κάτι. Οι απαντήσεις είναι πράγματα που εμποδίζουν τους ανθρώπους να καλούν να πουλήσουν. Κυρίως περιλαμβάνει να κάνεις πράγματα όπως να κάνεις δυνατό θόρυβο, να προσποιείσαι ότι είσαι ηλίθιος.

2points

TailsFangirl03 1 year ago

My friend once did this. Scammer: Hello? *megalovania plays softly* Scammer: Hello sir- *Megalovania blasts*

0points

Mad McQueen 1 year ago

I keep them on the line as long as posible. I ask them to repeat or ask how that would work for me. I go ohhhhh I don't quite get it. I slowly talk softer and softer. When they are very loud I scream scammmmmmerrrr And hang up.

0points

POST

Yu Pan 1 year ago

"Hold on, I don't actually make any decisions in my household. You can talk to my cat. He runs the house" *Pass phone to my sleeping cat*

69points

TailsFangirl03 1 year ago

Who downvoted you, that's genius!

23points

AbsintheMinded 1 year ago (edited)

You should then pretend to be your cat, & just purr & meow into the phone.

7points

Nikki Angulo 5 months ago

lol, I imagined my cat snoring loudly into the phone! He’s so loud!

1point

Invisible_Being_Me 1 year ago

1point

OnAFreakingRollercoaster 1 year ago

I actually feel sorry for the people doing the phone calls. I swear if I had that job i would be jumping off a bridge after a half a day. But yeah. They are annoying AF.

23points

lauralett50 1 year ago

Them hello,how are you. Me fine but ,there is blood everywhere,what do you want done with the body. How long before the cleaning crew gets here ? Then : dialtone.

23points

Headless Roach 1 year ago

"Oh hello, it's great that you called today! I really need to talk to someone about our lord and saviour"

16points

Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago

He has many names, but we know him as the Great Skyroach, may the stars shine upon His Holy Exoskeleton for all Eternity, amen.

16points

that weirdo in ur closet 1 year ago

“Hey um sorry, I have to go to a fish funeral. It drowned. Catch u later?”

9points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

haahaha

3points

Lace Neil 1 year ago

I just say no to every question until they hang up.

7points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Or "yes".

0points

SH Holmes 1 year ago

In robot voice, "You have reached [insert phone number here]. If you want to p**s someone off, press 1. If you want to kindly f**k off, press the hangup button."

6points

Someone 1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Red Wyvern Emperor 1 year ago

Might be a bit culturally insensitive, but I always go "Hello, Al Kaida secret recruitment center. We will blow your life up." XD

6points

TurquoiseTzarina 1 year ago

I've answered with "Homeland Security".

1point

Mouse 1 year ago

My favorite one is the guy who tried to sell my dad a prearranged funeral. My dad told him that in our religion we eat our dead.

5points

Steve Kenney 1 year ago

5points

kath morgan 1 year ago

Yeah I’ve given up answering unknown numbers if I’m not expecting a call. Such a high percentage of it is spam now. I also just hang up if I answer one by mistake, no point in “winning”.

5points

Scarlett 1 year ago

4points

Karma Black 1 year ago

Denn du bist was du isst!

0points

Sami-Jo Ross 1 year ago

My dad once got a scam call and answered with "City morgue, you stab em, we slab em" and I actually heard the dude on the other end yell "aw HELL nah" and hang up.

4points

Lace Neil 1 year ago

Lol. My mum was a nurse before she retired, she just says, "let me tell you about my bowels" before going into horrifying medical speak on the subject of bowels. No-one has ever stayed the course.

4points

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 1 year ago

Related to the "whisper, then yell" one: talk quiet till they're straining to hear. Then, blow an air horn into the phone. HOOOOONNNKKKK! 😈

4points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Then, get your phone repaired because you destroyed the microphone.

1point

Karma Black 1 year ago

In clear, unaccented American English: "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I can neither speak nor understand English."

3points

Rachel Reynolds 1 year ago

3points

Lyone Fein 1 year ago

Thank you for all of these ideas. My 81 year old mother is very frustrated and annoyed by all the scam calls she gets. I will share some of these strategies with her.

3points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

2points

Zedrapazia 1 year ago

3points

Cat Dragon 9 months ago

1point

Arcana 1 year ago

Sing baby shark. Start out whisper then abruptly start YELLING

3points

zak 1 year ago

Wait, so some people actually answer the phone? Why??

3points

theoneandonlynoira 1 year ago

I say "I've done it, but there's so much blood!" and then hang up. Occasionally I wait to hear the sweet sound of confusion.

3points

theoneandonlynoira 1 year ago

Plot twist: I'm referring to Auntie Flow

4points

Jono 1 year ago

Just repeat everything they say with a question tone at the end.

3points

Nadine Debard 1 year ago

Oh that's evil!

1point

Bhava Vanathi 1 year ago

2points

tuzdayschild 1 year ago

2points

Unnamed Hooman 1 year ago

“So now that we’re besties, I can tell you my secret talent! I’m really good at impressions! *do some bad impressions* alright, now my best one, a dial tone!” *hang up*

2points

Unnamed Hooman 1 year ago

I got my first ever scam call yesterday! Unfortunately I couldn’t toy with them because it was prerecorded so I just said “Bruh” and hung up

2points

The Doom Song 1 year ago

"Ooh you sound hot what are you wearing?" I had a guy hang up on me but then called back to asked me on a date. Funniest part was I was at work

2points

Cat Dragon 9 months ago

1point

Cat Dragon 9 months ago

And remember, if all else fails, sing something annoying

0points

CrazyCatChild (She/They) 10 months ago

My choir teacher will pretend to only speak Spanish, and my Mariachi teacher has everyone in the class play their instruments really loud.

1point

lonely miso 1 year ago

"Welcome to Laser Headed Screaming Duck! What would you like to order?"

1point

Rhianna Hollowaye 1 year ago

Random Latin screaming is my personal favourite, closely followed by reciting the illiad nonstop until the go away

1point

BravePanda 1 year ago

1point

Ed Veek 1 year ago

Say---The body is in the refrigerator and the gun is in the lake---and hang up!

1point

Apollo 1 year ago

1point

Araceli 1 year ago

I can make a dog whistle pitch noise and its fun to do that when a scammer calls

1point

memyselfandI 1 year ago

I’ve never managed to catch a scam caller in the wild, unfortunately. All I get are bots.

1point

Hello_my_name_is_Genevieve 1 year ago

We need to differenciate telemarketers and scammers, though. Most of the formers are just trying to do their job. Been there ages ago; I did not last one day. It is a tough job.

1point

The Mom 1 year ago (edited)

1point

Michael Largey 1 year ago

When an Internet provider calls hawking its service, I always reply "I have a theory about the Internet." "What is it?" "I don't believe that it's possible."

1point

Robert T 1 year ago

I have my Raspberry Pi answer the phone with a fax modem for numbers it doesn't recognise. :D

1point

LuLikesGoats They/them 1 year ago

I do this creepy demon voice that sounds kinda robotic and they always give up when I say something like "you have reached h3ll, how can I help you?"

1point

mcborge1 1 year ago

1point

LooseSeal's $10 Banana 1 year ago

1point

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

"Just doing my job" is the absolute WORST excuse for bad behavior that has ever been invented.

1point

Ronnie Cutshall 1 year ago

I just answer with Hooker'R'US. You bang them for under twenty.

1point

mhoulden 1 year ago (edited)

1point

Pieter LeGrande 1 year ago

1point

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

reminds me of the Cutts the Butcher issue in Marlinspike (Tintin reference).

-1point

Tavi “Raptor” Parks 1 year ago

I'm awaiting the day I get another spam call so I can go "John's cafe and pet cremation! You bring em we burn em! How can I help you today?"

1point

Uncle Schmickle 9 months ago

0points

Uncle Schmickle 9 months ago

Pretend to be a recording ... " For (xyz ) please press 1, for ( abc ) please press 2, etc.etc."

0points

Toni Atchison 1 year ago

I love telling the car warranty people that I don't drive because I'm blind. Tends to shut them up.

0points

Lene 1 year ago

0points

Wonderful 1 year ago

0points

Nicole Holt 1 year ago

0points

Heather Talma 1 year ago

Man, all the ones I get are robots. You can't even have any fun with them.

0points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

0points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

0points

Rodney McKay 1 year ago

Sounds great, I'll take it! But my credit card got cancelled for nonpayment, so now I only use cash. Can you come by to pick it up?

0points

Jo Cooper 1 year ago

I tell them very clearly that I don’t speak English…in English

0points

Tobias Reaper 1 year ago

answer the phone and pretend you are a police detective at a crime scene and this is the murder victims phone

0points

Will Cable 1 year ago

Best things we found was getting an answering machine. Turned the volume to low/off and they never leave messages but if it is someone we know we can answer it.

0points

Frank S 1 year ago

I always love reading these but I often wonder, am I the only one who doesn’t get these calls really? I’ve gotten about 3 in over a decade.

0points

AlanandLeila Hoyt 1 year ago (edited)

0points

Lauren S 1 year ago

0points

Cass Malone 1 year ago

I usually just press buttons when I know it's a scam call. I like how they have the little water drop sound now before they speak though

0points

debrina blackmoon 1 year ago

Watch Rosie Okumura :)

0points

Dozingdahlias 1 year ago

A couple years ago my grandma got a spam call, she put on this really frail old lady voice and led him on for a couple minutes before loudly cussing him out and hanging up.

0points

Someone 1 year ago

Pwease upvote this comment I've been targeted by mean downvoters🥺

0points

Stannous Flouride 1 year ago

A couple of days ago I watched a Mark Roper (the glitter bomb guy) video on YT about how he used his evil genius to unmask and get several Indian call centers shut down.

0points

Bobby 1 year ago

"May i speak to the person in charge of the household?" Hand the phone to my 5 year old

0points

Natasha 1 year ago

The one I’ve done that always gets them to hang up is moaning and pretending i’m having sex. Oh boy do they hang up quick

0points

Patricia 1 year ago

0points

Amo Mazzuchelli 1 year ago

0points

Jesse 1 year ago

I put the phone into the funnel of my huntsman horn. Works every time.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

These are hilarious.

0points

Ivana Bašić 1 year ago

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

0points

Bernd Herbert 1 year ago

I love these. Very Rarely is the world so back and white like here. Scammers are scum

0points

that weirdo in ur closet 1 year ago

“God damn it jimmy, I told u not to let them see the body! Wait…. Ur not jimmy, r u?”

0points

Animelover14 1 year ago

I just play really annoying kids music

0points

Camilla Koutsos 1 year ago

I don't get them.

0points

censorshipsucks 1 year ago

2points