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50 Times Relatives Messed Up So Badly, They Got Ostracized By The Rest Of The Family
Unfortunately, just because someone’s a family member doesn’t instantly mean that they’re a kind, witty, and interesting person who you want to spend time with. There are plenty of bizarre, annoying, and even rude people living on our planet. And some of them (probably!) happen to be related to you in some way.
Nearly everybody has at least one person that the rest of their relatives all kind of avoid. The r/AskReddit community spilled the tea about who that person in their family is and what they did to get socially ostracized. Scroll down for their stories.
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#1
Me- cuz I'm the only deaf member in the entire family and the only deaf guy in the town as well so there was almost no asl beside mom, aunt and older brother. Even so we didn't really talk like a family. So I grew up with minimal sign language, no asl for my bday, Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. I now see holidays as pointless and waste of time. My mom only FaceTimed me once in 13 years and that was to find out where my cousin were in the store I was with him at the time but yet FaceTimed my cousin and older brother frequently. Go figures. If you've got a deaf family member, it helps a lot learning asl and spending time with them. Don't leave them out.
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#2
Me. I used to try to help everyone when they needed it because I could afford to. Six years ago my wife had a ruptured brain aneurysm and two strokes. I needed help taking care of her. I never got the first offer of any help so on top of my twelve hour each day job I take care of her by myself. I think often of how I gave up so much for everyone else and got treated this way. They all have get togethers and vacations and things we never get invited to because she really is a handful. We just spend time with each other and our grown kids when we can and make the best of it. I do really get upset though because I am so tired and really could use a break but it is what it is. Thank you for listening.
Barong 3 months ago
Being a caregiver is torture wrapped in love. You do it for the people you love and you wouldn’t have it any other way but emotional torment of seeing the one you love and care for incapable of living a normal healthy life, of getting better is horrible. But there’s more. The emotional torment of looking at your own life, the life you miss out on, the physical work, the stress. Guilt and feeling ashamed for thinking that though you love them, it might be better if they died sooner. Tormented by feeling there is no way out because you love them.
#3
I have a really large family. We found out one brother was sexually assaulting our baby sister from when she was three until she was 14. She had told my mom. Mom did nothing. That brother has been pushed out by the 12 of us. My parents are dead to us too.
It doesn’t feel great to be excluded. We’re social animals, and we need positive relationships to thrive. However, not all relationships are equal. People who are constantly negative and stress us out have a negative effect on our lives. Naturally, everyone wants to spend more time with folks who energize them and boost their mood instead of those who drain them.
From a purely utilitarian perspective, you do not want to be the individual who gets ostracized. Being socially isolated and lonely wreaks havoc on a person’s physical and mental health. It increases the risk of developing serious life-threatening illnesses like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, and dementia.
In short, you want to put in at least some effort to be accepted by your social circle. If you’re constantly annoying everyone and making their lives hell, soon enough, you might find yourself completely alone. However, being alone is still preferable to being in social circles that consistently stress you out with negativity.
#4
My aunt and uncle. After my mom died they took my grandma, got power of attorney over her life and wiped out her accounts within minutes of moving out of my dad’s house. Bought all their family members iPads for Christmas and let my grandma die in the garage in the middle of winter. I don’t care that they stole my inheritance—it wasn’t much—but I really miss my grandma to this day.
Becca not Becky 3 months ago
Financial abvse and negl3ct against elders should carry heavier punishments. This is abhorrent but happens more than we care to think
#5
It was me. Once my mom passed away I wasn't spoken to for over 20 years. My crime? Refusing to be a racist bigot filled with hate for anything not white, straight and Christian.
I am happy with their decision.
#6
My cousin was involved in organized crime and put his family through hell. We still kept him around for some reason. He was the charming, handsome, funny cousin. Everybody loved him.
Our grandma confronted him over him doing cocaine in the bathroom at our little cousins birthday. He snapped at her and viciously attacked her, breaking her nose, jaw, and two ribs. He then ran out of the house. My uncle and dad and cousin found him a few days later and beat him with an inch of his life, and then nobody ever spoke to him again.
The New Yorker writes that in some circles there’s an effort to destigmatize estrangement. The idea is that by making the idea of cutting unhealthy people out of your life less taboo, you’re essentially creating a better environment for yourself. There’s a trend among young people who are increasingly cutting their parents out of their lives. Some are very happy that they no longer have to deal with family drama during holiday get-togethers.
However, some researchers believe that what’s happening is a continuation of what’s always been happening: cutting people out is nothing new, and we’re simply more transparent when it comes to talking about it now.
#7
Me.
I got sick with Crohns non diabetic LRP and can't walk. It's crazy how fast your friends and family abandon you when you can't go out like you used to.
Being called a hermit only salts the wound. Went from a national qualified runner and athlete to being sick is apparently a choice.
Some of my family say that if I were closer to God, I wouldn't be so sick. If only it was that easy.
It wasn't even like it happened over a long period, either. Prior to 2020, I was walking , working ,eating, and socializing.
I'm lucky I have a saint for a wife, so I manage. It just surprised me how fast everyone dropped me. Some people have no idea how to deal with illness when it affects their loved ones and friends.
#8
My uncle. He is the stereotypical loser, racist homophobe who think gas chambers never existed and that homosexuals Jewish people secretly rule the world. No wonder nobody wants to speak to him.
#9
It was me, and it was because of my drinking.....
Coming up on 5 years sober, and it took 3 years of sobriety just to get invited to Christmas...so next Christmas will only be like the second I've gotten the invite to in 15 years or so...
Took my sister aside last weekend to give her an apology for all that time, and sorry that I was never an uncle to her kids, they're all grown now, so can't change that, but I am sorry the bottle was more important than everything, and everyone during that time, I lost everything...
A lot of what, and who I lost I'll never be able to get back in my life.
According to the founder of the nonprofit estrangement group Stand Alone, Becca Bland, it can be healthier for people to have a life beyond their family relationships. They can create a new sense of family with their friends.
Kristina Scharp, a director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab at Rutgers University and Michigan State, told The New Yorker that people tend to look at someone who goes no-contact with family members differently than those who cut ties with, say, a bad partner.
“We’re told things like ‘Blood is thicker than water’ and ‘A family is forever.’ So, if you have a happy family, it’s really hard to imagine estrangement.” Forgiving family members doesn’t always happen. It all depends on how the person who cut them out feels about the entire situation.
#10
Me. My sister went public with the abuse that was done to us as kids and the family members who did it in 2022. At age 13 and again at 15, she did try and get police involved, but the mother of the cousin that was harming us was friends with many people in the department (and is married to one now) so my sisters story was never believed. We suffered very awful abuse for roughly 6 years. My mother was informed, an aunt, our grandmother, and police, yet our mom still took us to that aunts house so she could enjoy her time with her husband without her 2 daughter around. We never received justice. Today, our family has shunned not only her, but I as well. They still have ALL of the abusers in their close circle and to this day no one from the family believes us despite injuries being shown over the years. My sister is now 5 months clean from her d**g addiction as a result of our upbringing. I turned out alright I guess currently in therapy and working through everything. But yeah f**k my family. 😂.
#11
Me and it's because I'm transgender. The only members of my (large) biological family who will acknowledge that I exist are my half great uncle and his wife, my mom, and my gay cousin. They literally pretend like I don't exist. They can go to hell though, I'm better off without them.
#12
My sister. She went religious zealot on us, especially against my brother who’s gay, and we all sided with him. It was crazy. She was completely normal one day, falls in love with a Christian worship leader, then the next day she believes our brother is going to hell. What a hill to die on.
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
When somebody goes from 0 to 1000 with any religion that fast there is some mental to problems somewhere.
Have you ever cut off ties with a relative, dear Pandas? Is there a person who your entire family seems to avoid? What did they do to get pushed away? What do you think they’d need to do to get back in everyone’s good graces?
If you feel like opening up, we’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments section at the bottom of this post.
#13
My uncle got his son's girlfriend pregnant.
We've always hated the guy for reasons I won't get into but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
#14
I'm the only one who talks to my cousin. She came out as pansexual a few years ago (her spiteful ex actually outed her toher parents), and sadly my Asian family is extremely homophobic. Sadly I'm her only support and ally.
#15
Recently my dad. He slept with my sister’s fiancé (M). My sister is pregnant.
#16
Me.
Because I'm an atheist.
Entire family is Southern Baptist.
#17
Me, I'm the one relative.
I choose not to keep in touch with my family, because I don't want someone constantly asking me for money or to take care of their children.
#18
My mom is the person in her family, but it's not because she's a bad person or she has issues with substance abuse. The majority of her family just doesn't like who she loves. Her family is very white, and my dad, brother, and I are black. I have a Latino uncle, but they're fine with him. Some of my family don't care, namely a couple cousins, but I haven't spoken with any of my aunts or uncles in almost 16 years.
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
You are better off without them if they want to be like that. I read another story this morning about a little girl that is biracial. Her father is black and mother is white and loves her curly hair and doing her hair. The white Grandma talks about how it would look better straight. The mother was called into work on a day off and Grandma said she would watch her. When the lady got to her parents house her b***h mother had SHAVED her 5 yo daughters head so that she is completely bald. After she got home sle called the he police and had her mother arrested for it. Her mother is telling the family it was a only a haircut and it will grow back straight. This girls family is mad at her but they don't know the who truth of what was done to the little girl. She should take a picture and send it to everybody to show them that socalled haircut.
#19
My aunt.
She tried to take the car my grandmother left in her will to me from me.
This happened literal minutes after my grandmother passed. We were still in the room with my grandmother. .
Jacob B. 3 months ago
When my grandmother passed, they tried to railroad my mom into purchasing her house at an inflated cost. They were so confident it would happen, they already started spending her share of the inheritance money. When the house sold for WAY LESS, they had to cut her a bigger check.
#20
My moms brother lol he cheated on his wife (we still talk to her) They divorced, he kidnapped their 2 kids and took them to Singapore for years, then took them on a house boat off the coast of Mexico for a while, and meanwhile was scrutinizing my aunt for “being a bad mom”, Shes a wonderful cheerful cute Swiss woman.Because we still talk to her, he refuses to talk to anyone. We don’t really care.
She has full custody of the kids now in Switzerland :).
#21
My uncle Greg. His Alzheimer’s dementia is so bad he doesn’t recognize anyone in his family anymore and visiting just scares and confuses him because it’s out of his routine.
It’s really sad because we do miss him. It’s sad to know the next time we see him won’t be until his funeral.
#22
I stopped speaking to my older sister because she is a holier than thou judgmental miserable b***h. I have spoken to her once in 4 years and that was when I answered the phone in my Mom’s ICU room. I told her if she wanted to say goodbye she should get there. She did not. Mom died a few days later and as far as I’m concerned my older sister died that day too. I will never speak to her again.
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
I know that feeling. My mother said for years that if she was ever really sick she didn't want my sister who lives on the other side of the country to know anything about it or when she died. She got her wish, somehow she found out 2 years later and I sent her a letter with a cashier's check with her half of our mother's retirement for the month that she died and what was left to her in the will and that I had done as she had asked
#23
I'm that family member. I called CPS on my fam, so I get it.
#24
I’m pretty sure my brother has k*lled people, among other serious (maybe more serious) crimes. Legally there’s nothing I can do. What evidence I know the police and FBI also know. I have a restraining order against him and moved as far away as I can. One day he’ll finally go down for a crime and there’ll be a Netflix special on him and they’ll ask why the family was complicit as if we could stop any of this.
#25
Me because I removed myself from the cycle of using me as the black sheep. It turns out I do have a line and they danced across it.
#26
Me. I objected to being bullied by my sister. They all said I was too sensitive and that she had the right to bully me because she's the older one. I stopped speaking to them all once I was told that I don't deserve to be treated with respect.
#27
Me. Because I cut ties with my parents, brother, and sister in law because they are toxic, manipulative people who were destroying my mental health.
I have been no contact for years and have not missed any of them even once.
Freya the Wanderer 3 months ago
Good for you. Just because they're family doesn't mean you have to put up with their s--t.
#28
It's me.
Im dating a guy (I'm a guy), and the last thing anyone in my Catholic/conservative family can do is talk, so I'm building my own life.
I've learned it's better that way anyway.
#29
Me. They kept stealing from me, using me for free food, transportation, labor, treating me like s**t, and being patronizing as f**k. I cut them all out.
My found family loves me very much, and treats me with respect. They've never stolen from me or try to use me to get stuff or do stuff for them. My daughter is growing up with loving, supportive people who nurture and protect her, instead of a bunch of grifters who would exploit her as a resource for money and labor while gaslighting her into believing she's incompetent and stupid.
#30
My brother. Married a lunatic and was an a*****e to my mom during her chemo. The b****s mom had the audacity to make a comment about how much my mom attended church at her memorial service and asked the preacher to reconsider doing the ceremony. Hopefully their god forgives them, because I never will.
#31
Me! Because I escaped to the opposite coast 50 years ago, and the *one* that isn’t dead is on my permanent no-talk sh**list.
I am so happy to have left this family behind. The only one I cared about was my mom, and I know she envied (not in a bad way) the fact that I chose freedom over conformity.
I wish she had, too. But she was trapped.
If this resonates with anyone, remember that *you don’t have to love emotional abusers.* **Run away!**.
#32
My Aunt. When one of my uncles passed away my other aunts and uncles (besides this one aunt) decided to give their piece of the inheritance to the one uncle who basically sacrificed his whole life to take care of the uncle that passed. The uncle that passed got into a horrible motorcycle accident at the age of 20. He was paralyzed from the neck down and could not eat on his own, nor go to the bathroom and he could barely speak. And on top of this he would wake up every day not remembering anything past the day he got into the accident. My other uncle had to explain to him and comfort him every day with the reality of what happened to him. From 20 until he passed in his late 40s my other uncle cared for him. This one Aunt did not want to give her part of the inheritance and took legal action and was horrible to the whole family because she wanted what she wanted. It is a shame.
#33
Me. My mother is perpetually miserable, has narcissistic tendencies and is an emotional vampire.
Me putting up healthy boundaries amounted to betrayal in her eyes. As a result, she told me not to come to her funeral when she dies.
Say less. Have a nice life. POS.
#34
My uncle. He stole tens of thousands of dollars from my grandmother while she was dying of cancer, defaulted on business agreements with my father, and then disappeared.
There’s a lot more to this, but for the sake of brevity and not being *too* specific, we’ll leave it at that.
#35
That‘s me. Because I was abused from age 11 to 17 by my sisters husband (18 years older than me) and after 40 years of playing it down to myself and keeping silent (and becoming an alcoholic, and several years of therapy) I finally broke my silence. Shame of the family, where everything that‘s not perfect has to be swept under the rug.
#36
Sadly, it's rapidly becoming the Trump supporting BIL and his family. We don't really care about their politics, but they insist on pushing them on everyone, inserting them into conversations etc.
They've ruined family holidays over it bc they explode if anyone ever tries to point out that facts don't align with their opinions, and that words like "socialist" don't mean what they keep insisting they mean.
Dragon mama 3 months ago
Frighteningly common experience here now. It's like a disease the way it spreads. Only choice is to cut off the limb to save the (family) tree.
#37
Me. I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and most of my family are witnesses so when I decided I no longer wanted anything to do with the cult I was basically cut off. Mother does small talk even though I’d prefer complete silence from her, brother is an a**hat/POS so I don’t bother with him. Dad is the only one I have no problem with/he has no problem with talking to.
#38
Me. Not cool with pretending I wasn't beat pretty bad.
"We didn't know better," just is too hard to accept.
#39
Me. I transitioned and haven't seen my grandparents, cousins, or other family in years. They're all conservative christians and want nothing to do with me.
#40
My aunt Pam. At some point she started hearing voices telling her to hurt family members. I don't have a ton of details, but I know she lives in an apartment on a property managed by some kind of mental health facility.
#41
Me. I’m city. They’re country. I’d say, “That’s cool!” They’d say, “That’s weird.” I’m queer. They don’t like that. So we don’t talk!
#42
My uncle.
He has since passed, but he was a severe alcoholic and would come to family gatherings pissed out of his mind (yes, he drove to!).
Died in a chair alone in his apartment. Bled to death internally from alcohol, the EMS only got called due to the smell.
I do miss him at times, he was a great uncle when I was young.
#43
An aunt who mismanaged grandma's estate & refused to return the money she stole until one of her sisters sued her for it. Aunt maintains her sisters were "just being mean" but now none of her 4 sisters speak to her.
#44
My older sister. She’s a compulsive liar who has spent many years in and out of prison. She lies about being pregnant and having children to try to guilt trip people into giving her money. She’s been pretty much exiled from the family. Her latest scam was that she had a baby but it took me no time to find the actual child on one of her friends facebooks that she was stealing the photos from.
#45
Me.
When my grandfather passed, he split his belongings up between 12 kids. None of the grandkids got anything, and his wife, my grandmother, only got one thing. A cabin he'd built for her in the rocky mountains back in the 40s. "Where I'll go to die someday," as she used to call it. It was everything in the world to her.
Until the eldest son challenged the will because he believed he was entitled to more than was left. I spent 4 years and dozens of thousands of dollars fighting in court to make sure she kept what was rightfully hers. Of the 512 acres that the cabin sat on, I managed to get 11.5. The rest was sold off, and the money split between a few of the other kids. They went to war over 500 acres when the will was parceling out over 62k acres between mountain and farm lands.
When my grandmother started to go after the first heart attack, it was the first time that I'd heard from my uncle(her eldest son) since we finished in court. I told him it was it, and he needed to get down soon to say his goodbyes. He brushed me off and told me he'd put together 100k to "put the cabin back where it belongs." I needed to be restrained by hospital personnel, and he threatened to press charges if I didn't sell him the property.
I outlived him, and the property is mine now. I'm slowly buying back the land we lost from a couple of different parties. None of it belongs to any of my uncles or aunts who fought for it in the first place, and I told all of them that if they ever darkened my doorstep, I'd kill em. Their kids have held the grudge and view me the bad guy for "stealing their heritage/inheritance.".
#46
Me. I am dealing with depression, and I struggle to believe I belong anywhere. Feel like a burden to everyone, so I don't want to bring them down. Also have never lived up to what everyone thought I should be. I am also a lot younger than my siblings, and they hated my dad. We had different fathers. So lots of trauma and probably me since I am so risk averse.
Beth Wheeler 3 months ago
You do belong. If you aren't being treated for your depression please talk to your Dr about it and see what meds work for you. You are not a burden to the people that love you. Try to figure out what you want to do/makes you happy and do it.
#47
My dad is that sibling now for his brothers. Oddly enough, my dad is the one who graduated high school, graduated college, worked hard his whole life, saved money, and now lives a comfortable life. His 3 brothers, have 2 high school diplomas between the 3 of them, and 1 has been to rehab for d**g addiction a few times, 1 is an alcoholic, and 1 has never had to pay for anything on his own. When my grandfather died, my dad had to help the 1 who never paid for anything set up the bills for his house that my grandfather gave him in his name. The other 2 live off government disability. They call my dad, but only to ask for money. He and my mom no longer take their calls.
#48
Me. My drunk BIL threw a drink in my face at wedding after starting an argument and won't apologize. I am the youngest in the family so I was told "Life is short. Get over it.". Really, I stopped talking to them. But the niece whose wedding it was, hates said BIL and she and I still get alone great.
#49
Right now my dad sadly. Was a good guy until he lost his job and fell to alcohol and d***s, became verbally/emotionally abusive, and would constantly lie so he could get some money for booze and blow. Treated everyone like they were the dirt beneath him until he lost everything. Now he begs everyone for money and to give him a chance, just to go drink and yell at people again.
#50
My mum. She’s toxic, manipulative, narcissistic and verbally abusive. We’re rarely invited to family events. We didn’t have any kind of relationship with any cousins or aunts/uncles when we were younger. Everybody is really close, going on family holidays, meeting for meals etc, but we’re not, or we’re invited only as an afterthought, like the day before when it’s far too late to arrange to attend. Nobody likes her and she brings it on herself entirely.
Who is that one relative that no one in the family talks to and why?
Panda McPandaface 3 months ago
My father. Refused to accept I am gay so I cut off contact for 35 years. He's dead now and I really didn't and don't care.
Fussy1 3 months ago
I'd be delighted to be your dad! I'm a 50 year old female would be delighted to be the dad, mom, sibling, great aunt's cousin twice removed if it meant I can share my love with someone who hasn't gotten the love they so rightfully deserve.
Load More Replies...
Eastendbird 3 months ago
My cousin. It's complicated. She married an emotionally abusive, controlling, right-wing, Christian arsehole. We tried to support her, but eventually she seemed to "drink the cool-aid" and go over to his way of thinking. Her only contact with her sweet, kindhearted 90 year old mother was phone calls where she'd end up screaming at her mum down the phone. The last we heard of the two of them (cousin and husband) they'd become supporters of Tommy Robinson. Her mum is frail and in an old people's home. Cousin never visits or calls, I'm guessing her mum will die having never seen her daughter again.
Mike F 3 months ago
But if mom had a ton of money they'd bridge that chasm quickly enough.
Load More Replies...
Sabrina Longo 3 months ago
Me. I cut ties with a toxic parent who decided to punish me for it by spreading lies about me. The family knows she bends the truth and play victum but still choose to believe her. I miss family but it hurts to think about what they believe.
Panda McPandaface 3 months ago
My father. Refused to accept I am gay so I cut off contact for 35 years. He's dead now and I really didn't and don't care.
Fussy1 3 months ago
I'd be delighted to be your dad! I'm a 50 year old female would be delighted to be the dad, mom, sibling, great aunt's cousin twice removed if it meant I can share my love with someone who hasn't gotten the love they so rightfully deserve.
Load More Replies... Eastendbird 3 months ago
My cousin. It's complicated. She married an emotionally abusive, controlling, right-wing, Christian arsehole. We tried to support her, but eventually she seemed to "drink the cool-aid" and go over to his way of thinking. Her only contact with her sweet, kindhearted 90 year old mother was phone calls where she'd end up screaming at her mum down the phone. The last we heard of the two of them (cousin and husband) they'd become supporters of Tommy Robinson. Her mum is frail and in an old people's home. Cousin never visits or calls, I'm guessing her mum will die having never seen her daughter again.
Mike F 3 months ago
But if mom had a ton of money they'd bridge that chasm quickly enough.
Load More Replies... Sabrina Longo 3 months ago
Me. I cut ties with a toxic parent who decided to punish me for it by spreading lies about me. The family knows she bends the truth and play victum but still choose to believe her. I miss family but it hurts to think about what they believe.
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