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Hey Pandas, Am I Making A Mistake By Leaving My Polyamorous Partner?

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I (30F) am currently dating a man (39M) who practices polyamory. What drew me to him was his honesty. When we met, he told me that he would like to get to know me better, but I should also know that he is in a polyamorous relationship with four other women. I was surprised, but I appreciated his honesty. I told him I’d consider it if he first acquired the consent of his partners, since I’m against cheating. He agreed, and with the permission of his partners, we started dating.

It has only been a year, and he has been so amazing

Hey Pandas, Am I Making A Mistake By Leaving My Polyamorous Partner?

Image credits: Octavio Fossatti (not the actual photo)

He is loving and attentive, and shares his time equally with all his partners. He has been open and speaks about them with great respect. They have been accepting of me, too.

The problem is that I am a monogamist at heart

Hey Pandas, Am I Making A Mistake By Leaving My Polyamorous Partner?

Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)

I know that he has no intention of leaving them, and nor do I want him to, because he loves them, and they love him too. I have no intention of breaking up relationships.

I also know that he will eventually date new women.

My problem is that it hurts to see him with his partners

Hey Pandas, Am I Making A Mistake By Leaving My Polyamorous Partner?

Image credits: Tom Caillarec (not the actual photo)

I really don’t know how the other women cope in this type of relationship, as they have been with him for years. I do love him, but I don’t think I am secure enough with myself to continue.

Would I be making a mistake if I left him, given that he has been so honest and was upfront from the beginning?

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Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

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What do you think ?

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Donkey boi 3 months ago

Yes! If you are not poly, you don't belong in a poly relationship. You're not cut out for it and will only end up getting hurt. You've already admitted it's happening already. Best just be honest with him and end it while you still respect each other.

54points

Manel Ibáñez 3 months ago (edited)

Nobody is naturally polyamorous without undergoing personal growth. Our upbringing and society often condition us to believe that love requires exclusivity, and we are constantly exposed to an irrational fear of being replaced if this principle isn't adhered to. Overcoming these ingrained beliefs takes significant time and effort, and it’s a necessary step for cultivating healthy polyamorous relationships. It's perfectly okay if you choose not to pursue this path, but please don’t base your decision solely on how comfortable you feel with something new that no one has taught you how to navigate. It's also a valid option to take the time to learn, grow, experiment, and then decide.

-1point

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Sarah 3 months ago

I am with a partner who is polyamorous. When we first got together, I was very unsure of things. Now, five years and a toddler later, we are still together, and I am incredibly happy. I have learned a lot about myself and what makes a strong relationship. That being said, if someone is having these kind of doubts after a year, it may be time to decide if this is the kind of relationship you are able to be a part of. It isn't for everyone. The most important thing is that you are honest (with your partner(s) and with yourself) about how you feel , and that you are happy. Life is too short not to be.

21points

Weasel Wise 3 months ago

If you're not comfortable, that's totally okay, and OP needs to leave the relationship. It isn't fair to the others in the relationship (nor to yourself) to be saddled to someone who isn't even sure they wanna fully be there.

20points

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