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We all dream of finding our true love and building a future together with someone special. But relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, and it can take a lot of trial and error to figure out if we’re truly compatible with the person we choose.
To help others avoid the same mistakes, these Redditors have shared the most valuable lessons they’ve learned from their experiences. From hard-to-swallow truths to eye-opening realizations, read their advice below and upvote the posts you find most helpful!
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#1
Once someone feels comfortable being abusive towards you, that will never change no matter how much you try.
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#2
An apology is not words but a change in behavior.
All profits to charity 2 months ago
An apology for wronging someone includes an admission of wrong doing. I’ve noticed this part gets skipped a lot.
#3
My wife died after only 10 years of marriage, so my lesson is that a long life together isn’t promised. Don’t take anything for granted. Cherish the moments you’ve got.
S. E. in Indiana 2 months ago
Always tell that special someone that you love them as much as you can, because it might be the last time you ever to speak to them again.
#4
People can say the sweetest things to you, and absolutely mean them, *in the moment.* But moments are fleeting.
Jeff Gabrisl 2 months ago
My wife to be is very religious, and also a trump fan. I'm atheist and voting for Harris. We constantly reaffirm our love to each other, but we also constantly debate with each other. All in all, we definitely have moments that we disagree, but we still agree that we should be together and that we will be happy together. When we say awful things to each other, we both understand that it's just a moment that we said the wrong thing. Those moments are also fleeting, because we are able to apologize and see things from each other perspective. Relationships are built on compromise. You absolutely have to treat the person who you are in love with like they're the best thing that ever happened to you. However, you also need to treat your lover the same way. If someone absolutely adored you in the moment, and then they left, you either hooked up with a duck boy, or you didn't reciprocate their adoration.
#6
If you tell your partner they've hurt you, and they respond by arguing rather than apologizing and changing their behavior, get out.
#8
You shouldn’t always have to beg for someone to give you attention.
MissMePhoenix 2 months ago
You shouldn't ***EVER*** have to beg for someone to give you attention. There. I fixed it for you.
#9
People tell you who they are, you just gotta be listening.
#10
Sometimes it just doesn't work, and that's fine. You don't have to hate each other, talk s**t, or blow things out of proportion just because it's easier that way.
Things don't work and that's ok.
Cooking Panda 2 months ago
Yes. Forgive and move on. And that's how I end up staying friends with my exes 😅
#12
If the relationship is hurting you, you can leave at any time you’re safely able to do so.
Those last five words are the most important.
Liz The Biz 2 months ago
That's why many people are trapped in abusive relationships. Because there's never a safe time to leave.
#13
Don't be or stay in the relationship for potential. Be there and realize the reality that exists.
I just got out of one that I stayed in WAY too long because I kept betting on potential, even though the person kept showing me who they were.
I learned to do boundaries and how to actually put them up in an honest way. Granted, she kept trying to bulldoze them but I stayed pretty well strong but she didn't much like that. Shrug. I learned quite a bit and grew quite a bit, i got to go on fun adventures and became a better person.... she wasted her time and the opportunities, and she was where she was at the beginning, no real growth. I don't know what is going on with her life but I would guess it has gone downhill based on some of the people in her life that I have talked to a while ago.
not my monkeys, not my circus.
#14
Writing this comment feel therapeutic and I’m only just starting. For me it is basically sunken cost fallacy in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to leave a relationship that isn’t working just because you have spent time in it. If it isn’t working, it isn’t working and you will only waste more time. If you’re not happy, give yourself the opportunity to find a situation where you can be happy. It is okay to give up on an unhealthy relationship.
#16
If there is a red flag, be cautiously optimistic. If there are 34709 red flags, get the f**k out. I was in love with the thought of being in my first real relationship and ignored everything that I should have paid attention to.
#17
It's like a plant: if you tend to it, water it, feed it, and give it sunlight, it will thrive. If you leave it in the corner, neglect it, and don't give it any of your time and effort, it will wither and die.
#18
Oh gosh so many of them. May cry just thinking about some haha.
You cannot change someone. You cannot cure someone of their addiction and you cannot “love it out of them”. They must choose the help and do the work.
If you do not have clear boundaries with your in laws as a unified front, you will forever be a lost cause relationship. You both have to step up and support the relationships for both of you with both your parents and the in-laws as well.
Love languages are great to know but if you can’t love someone in the way they need to feel loved, then what are you doing? If all the ways I want to love you aren’t the way you receive it, what am I doing? Learn how they *want* to be loved, not how you think they should be loved. Meet them there.
Everyone comes with baggage. It’s ok (and not a failure) to say I can and will no longer tolerate your actions that are related to your baggage out of an abundance of protection for yourself and your mental health.
Bring a complete self to the relationship. Have your own hobbies and life. Make sure they do too. Don’t stop doing those hobbies because of them.
There’s more I’m sure… I might be back lol.
#19
No answer is also an answer. If you want an answer from your partner and they cannot give that to you, it is often your cue to decide how to proceed.
#21
If you live together, that person is not just your lover, but your roommate. If your partner is doing most of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare, expect a lot of tension, unhappiness, and regret.
#22
You cannot change a person.
Tobias Reaper 2 months ago
they have to want to change otherwise any apparent change is only cosmetic and they will eventually revert back to how they were before.
#23
Don’t stick around with someone who doesn’t Make you happy, satisfy you or meet your needs. It’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone
After my last relationship ended, I decided to stop looking for happiness in other people. I was single for 6 years and quit having casual sex. I worked on myself, and learned to be happy on my own. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly I met my current partner, and we recently got engaged. I wasn’t seeking her out, she just happened to come at the right time and the 6 years I spent being single and finding my own happiness, allowed me to become more desirable and a healthier partner. You won’t find it if you’re looking for it. Just worry about yourself and be open to spending some time alone and find peace in that.
#24
Learn when to cut your losses. Relationships should be a rewarding two-way street. Anything less is not a relationship. There's only so much "work" you can put into something before you have to let go.
TheBlueBitterfly 2 months ago
You do still have to work at it. A relationship doesn't just happen on its own. When you're the only one putting forth any effort, or the effort is noticeably imbalanced, or you're getting zero "reward" for the effort you do put in, then it's time to bail.
#25
That I never want to be in another one.
I prefer to have my own space. I don’t want to be answerable to anyone in my personal life. I don’t want to share anything or consider anyone’s desires and needs other than my own.
Selfish? Yes, but only because I’m so selfless that when I am in a relationship I devote myself to that man and I eventually begin to resent him for allowing me to run myself ragged trying to ensure everything is as he likes it and anticipate his needs and desires.
I’ve finally realized that I’m mentally and emotionally happier and more satisfied when I’m single.
Jorie 2 months ago
My husband passed away (suicide) six years ago and my first reaction was relief. We had been married 17 years. The prime of my life had been wasted away trying to "fix" him. I wouldn't trade the peace I have had in the last six years for anything. I'm now 72 years old and still in the process of healing.
#26
Love alone is not enough. Not only do relationships need a commitment to each other in order to succeed, but a commitment to bettering yourselves as individuals and as a unit.
#27
It’s never you vs her. It’s you both vs the problem. If you can walk away with that, most of your fights will be fast.
#28
Chemistry doesn't equal compatibility, wit/intelligence don't equal maturity, if similar values/beliefs aren't aligned it’s doomed, a pretty face doesn't trump red flags, bad communication will bite you, don't date potential/people shouldn't be projects, if someone sleeps around while having few to no relationships, they're likely emotionally unavailable/have a hard time getting close/will sabotage, men might move fast just to sleep with you or to test your restraint/loyalty/if you're relationship material, bad relations with family will show you the sort of partner they'll be. Took me a long time to learn all this the hard way but better late than never.
#30
I can’t beg someone to love me.
What do you think ?
Happenstance 2 months ago (edited)
It’s really cool being sexually compatible. If I could do it again I’m not sure I’d choose to have a sexless marriage. But I love my wife so it is what it is.
Liz The Biz 2 months ago
Never ever let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable about.
Tempest 2 months ago
When all your friends (with whom you’ve shared at least some details about the relationship) tell you to get out, get out! And when they (the person you’re in a relationship with) no longer care if you stay or go, leave! No point holding onto someone who no longer hears you, sees you, or respects you. No point staying in such a situation in fear of what ending the relationship will cause. Yes, ending will cause pain, loneliness, and a loss of familiarity and direction for a while but that will be for just some months at most. Whereas, if you hang around in a broken relationship, you’ll only be prolonging the suffering. And, no matter how much you love them, you can’t change them if they’re not willing to change.
Happenstance 2 months ago (edited)
It’s really cool being sexually compatible. If I could do it again I’m not sure I’d choose to have a sexless marriage. But I love my wife so it is what it is.
Liz The Biz 2 months ago
Never ever let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable about.
Tempest 2 months ago
When all your friends (with whom you’ve shared at least some details about the relationship) tell you to get out, get out! And when they (the person you’re in a relationship with) no longer care if you stay or go, leave! No point holding onto someone who no longer hears you, sees you, or respects you. No point staying in such a situation in fear of what ending the relationship will cause. Yes, ending will cause pain, loneliness, and a loss of familiarity and direction for a while but that will be for just some months at most. Whereas, if you hang around in a broken relationship, you’ll only be prolonging the suffering. And, no matter how much you love them, you can’t change them if they’re not willing to change.
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