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Forgiveness can mean different things to different people but in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. Which is often easier said than done.
Recently, Reddit user OpeningIntelligent83 made a post on the platform, asking everyone on it, "What grossed you out so much in a relationship that you just left?"
As of today, it has received over 19,000 replies, many of which detail awful experiences, provoking us to determine how much our partner can mess up before they render any future together impossible.
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#1
He had berated me for something silly and he was still angry. When we got home, he wanted sex, I wanted to read. He pressured me, I still said no. He got angry and raised his fist to hit me. I just looked at him. He lowered his fist.
I left. I haven't seen him since. It's been a decade.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
Thank goodness OP got out of there, a guy who can't take no for an answer and then resorts to violence is not someone who anyone should be alone with.
RELATED:
#2
I once dated a girl that tortured hamsters. She got arrested when I called police. I didn’t even give her the honor of the text. Just called the cops, gave my testimony in court, and continued with my life
Mrs Irish Mom 1 year ago (edited)
Thats sick, my poor 3yr old robo hamster was getting old and couldnt walk great so every hour i would move him in different positions and make sure he had food and water, broke my heart when Hammy died 4 days later but it was for the best he was really old 😥 still miss him 💔
#3
i JUST left my boyfriend of ten months because he purposely screams during an argument so that people in his family will hear everything going on. it is his way to make me feel vulnerable and weak. says things like “good, i want them to hear i want them to know how psycho you are” when i’m persistently trying to end the argument and speak civilly. it was like a temper tantrum. needless to say i left him yesterday .
#4
It was two separate incidents, but long story short, one night she got super drunk at my sister-in-law's house. After spilling a second glass of red wine on my SIL's white carpet, we opted to move her glass further away from the edge of the table. As soon as we left, she screamed, like full-fledged raged, at me for "not defending her".
The very next time we were together, she got drunk again and accused me of trying to cheat on her (I've never cheated on anyone) and threw her purse at me.
I let things calm down and explained to her that I grew up in a house chock full of domestic violence and that was an absolute line in the sand. And for that reason, I was out.
#5
My mom died just weeks before and I was tired as f**k, exhausted, and in a traumatic phase of grief after a year of cancer treatments and all the fuss of being there for a cancer battle. The woman I was seeing told me I need to get over it and can't just be alone inside all the time. Never spoke to her again.
Went through my phases of grief and have been a resource to ppl in my life that are going through similar loss since then. Grief takes time or it doesn't; it's different for everyone.
DarkGypsy 1 year ago
As a Hospice nurse, that's exactly what I tell the families of the patients that I care for... Grief is a process of many different emotions and how we deal with it is different for everyone. Some want support, some do not, but it's not something that we should EVER force. I tell the patients something similar, that I'm not there to help them die, but to help them live what time they have left with dignity and comfort.
#6
I was dating a girl when I was younger, she seemed nice and she had two small cats. One weekend I went to visit her and the cats weren’t there, I asked her where they where she told me they had gotten annoying and so she put them in the car and drove to an abandoned bush area and left them. I faked an emergency at home (we lived about a 2 hour drive apart) left and broke up with her when I got home.
Panda Kicki 1 year ago
You did wrong.The right choice would have been to invite her to a romatic picnic, drive to the most remote place you could find, take her cellphone and leave her there.
#7
Found out gf had several fake social media accts she’d use to bully strangers and harass women she knew including my ex wife. Instant dump.
Labellesouris 1 year ago
WTF?? That is some Fatal Attraction b******t starting up right there! Hooray for you listening to that little voice screaming RUN!
#8
She was so rude to my friends. We went out to dinner with them and she constantly made fun of one's height, something he's clearly been insecure about. I told her to chill and then she said my hairline is far back but no one notices because I'm tall. I broke up with her the next morning. I felt so bad for my friends but they're still in my life thankfully.
#9
She was almost perfect for the first year that we dated. To the point to where I considered marriage with her. Our leases were up around the same time so we decided to move in together.
Not even a month into us living together she turned into a completely different person. She started instigating fights over very small things, blowing things out of proportion accusing me of cheating when I'd have to work late. She'd pack her things to "leave" but would never actually leave just liked the fight of me trying to talk her down.
One day we were at a movie store in the mall together and I was looking at the back of a movie at the description. She accused me of ogling over the actress that was on the movie case.
Stormed out of the movie store, left the mall, left me there with no ride home and didn't answer her phone.
I got the f**k out of there as soon as I could. After I left shed text me paragraphs of apologies begging me to take her back or she'd kill herself. Sent me pictures of her cutting herself. I had to have her number blocked.
She then started stalking me at work and coming to my friends house that I was staying at.
Ended up getting a restraining order against her.
Vasana Phong 1 year ago (edited)
Imagine if he married her then they moved in together, people can be different when they live together
#10
Junior year in highschool I got a girlfriend for the first time. She was popular, beautiful, and out of my league. She took my virginity and I was crazy about her. The more I got to know her on a personal level, the more I believed that she wasn’t that great of a person. Her family was beyond obnoxious but a small price to pay for a horny teenager.
About 6-7 months into the relationship I had dinner with her family at their house. She insisted her older brother tell me this hilarious story. He goes on about how after gym class one day he was left alone with a mentally handicapped student. He tied him up with a volleyball net and left him stranded in the gymnasium screaming. The entire family was howling laughing listening to this. I broke up with her a couple days later.
#11
She was my wife at the time. She got pregnant. We hadn't had sex in months.
#12
We went to a restaurant, nothing fancy. She treated the server like absolute s**t. As though she was royalty and the server was "the help". Yeah, that was it for me. I suddenly had zero interest in her. The kicker was, she was a waitress. S**t you not.
Zelda Fitzgerald 1 year ago
You'd think someone in the service industry would treat people the way they would like to be treated but sadly that's not always the case. Some take the aggression they face and subject others to it as a way of coping. Like a kid who is abused at home but bullies the kids at school.
#13
He was on trial for manslaughter and I didn't know until he was found guilty.
He kept trying to call me from jail
#14
We were in one of many fights and I told him I needed space, so we hadn't talked in maybe a day.
I get a text from a random number saying it was his sister and that he was in the hospital after a bad work accident. I ask which hospital (knowing that it is him texting me using a number app, lying about being injured - BUT you never know, maybe it's real).
"She" tells me the name of the hospital and then sends me a picture of JUST his legs which are bruised, but they looked like how his legs always looked. And then she says "this is the last picture they took of him before he was life flighted to the hospital." She said he had severe head trauma, a cracked skull, and his back was likely broken in several places. So...I called the hospital and asked if they had any patients by his name - they said no. I asked if anyone was life flighted in in the last few hours - they said no.
I blocked the number and went to sleep. A few days later I got a text from ANOTHER random number claiming to be his brother. He sends me a selfie of him in a hospital gown in an exam room at a doctor's office. He looked totally normal - no cracked skull or broken back. And it was cute because the room was ocean themed with crabs and fish on the walls. Anyway, the text said he was in the ICU (the crab room) and he had just woken up from a coma! Again, I ask which hospital and the "brother" refuses to tell me, saying he'll be RELEASED within the hour so there's no point in a visit.
I know it makes me sound like a bad person for not believing him, but this man lied to me on several occasions - told me he'd been shot, stabbed, poisoned. Also, his wife passed away and he told me two VERY different stories about how she died which led me to believe he might have had something to do with it. So many red flags and my mentally ill self was naive and lonely at that time in my life. Granted, this was a breaking point for me and I dove head first into therapy and never looked back.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
I mean if you are going to put that much effort into fabricating disaster stories and setting up staged injuries, at least put that much effort into the relationship and being nice, you know, like a normal person?
#15
I showered at his place after staying over and I asked for a towel. He gave me one which had literal skin flakes on.
I asked for a clean one. He asked what I meant.
He did not realise that you need to wash towels because "they just have water on them so they clean themselves."
#16
She was looking at clothes in the Mall, if she pulled something off the display and didn't like it she would just toss it on the ground. "What... Someone gets paid to put it back!"
Shark Lady 1 year ago
The way someone treats people who work in the service industries tells you an awful lot. If they can't be, at least, civil then walk away.
#17
When she doted on my kids as though they were hers/ours but treated HERS like they no longer existed or mattered. MASSIVE MASSIVE red flag.
I was sooooo happy to get out of that relationship but years later I feel badly for her kids and pray everything turned out well for them.
Lakota Wolf 1 year ago
This kind of stuff is so weird to me. I'm adopted; I was adopted at birth. I have an older sister who is my parents' biological child. My dad was a wonderful father and did not treat us any differently (my mother is another story...) I don't have any kids, but if I did, I cannot fathom treating them any differently from each other were they biologically mine or not, foster or adopted, stepchildren, etc.
#18
When I met the parents of my ex bf. His mom was quiet all the time (never saw that woman smile even a little) and hushed around the house like a ghost, her head always down. His father was an a*****e, who was super loud and told anyone what he had to do (while he himself did nothing at all).
So when we left his parents house he looked at me with bright eyes and said "My parents have the perfect marriage. My mom is such a good wife! She never does anything for herself, the perfect woman! All I wish for is that you will be such a good wife to me one day."
Really, I was just like "Nope. Nope. NOPE!", got into my car, drove off and never saw him again. :,D
#19
I have told this story about a dozen times on Reddit. The first night I slept at my ex’s apartment. I woke up in the middle of the night to an extremely loud scraping noise. It was inside my ear. A roach had crawled into my ear and was scraping against my ear drums with its legs/antennas/whatever. It was the most awful feeling I’ve ever experienced. I used tweezers to try to get it out and when I pulled them out after a few times, only half the roach came out. Had to go to the ER to get the rest out and get anti-biotics. I had a horrible ear infection for a couple of weeks. The worst part was her saying “it happens to my son all the time”. Like wtf? Found out she had for wrappers and trash under her bed. Clean your f*****g house!!!!
It has literally haunted me and given me ptsd. When I’m sleeping if I hear the slightest noise I jump up and swat uncontrollably around my head/ears. My wife was shocked af the first time I did it when we were dating but since I told her she fully understands lol.
Edit: My top comments are always about my f*****g ex girlfriends, f**k.
#20
I went away with my ex and saw his toothbrush for the first time. It had black mould growing on it and the bristles were so flat the toothbrush had a middle parting.
I had a conversation with him about hygiene and told him to get a new toothbrush but when I stayed at his house two weeks later the cursed toothbrush was still there... so I ended it.
#21
Asked me had I ever attempted to seduce my stepdad, who had been in my life since I was 8. I was 18 at the time.
I just looked at him in bafflement and horror before asking him had he ever attempted to f**k his adopted sister?
He responded with disgust and yet still couldn't see that he had asked me something horrific.
Same dude also said he didn't think anyone was "really bisexual, they're just cowards who won't properly come out."
When I asked him had he forgotten that I'm a bisexual woman, he smiled and said "Nah, I'll f**k you straight."
All this said within a MONTH of us getting together.
He's an ex for a reason.
#22
He showed me, with excitement, a box of things he'd been collecting from me without my knowledge. This included strands of my hair taped up neatly, bobby pins and hair pins I had in from prom, my finger prints and saliva sample that he took out of the trash from our forensics class experiments. He thought this was a romantic gesture or something, but it just made me really realize how creepy and obsessive he is.
He was also very controlling and got jealous/mad at me for hanging out with my sister, or spending time on my laptop or with my dog. And he also admitted to me that he stalked my FB interests to pretend he knew and liked what I liked, researching the games I played and music I listened to so he could bring it up in conversation. Total psycho.
#23
My ex used to say, constantly, that she wanted to be inside my skin. It was her way of saying she desired me, but it was f*****g weird and off-putting so I asked her to stop and she couldn't understand what was so uncomfortable about what she was saying. Pretty soon after that I went on a week long work trip and three days into it she called and told me the whole time I've been gone she wanted to cheat on me. Then she asked me if she could see other people while I'm gone. I broke up with her pretty much instantaneously.
Panda Kicki 1 year ago
Well, she was honest and communicated about her wishes instead of just cheating, thats a plus. Better then cheating and he would have found out later.
#24
We were visiting NYC in Dec, 2001. The city was still in shock and mourning over 9/11. We had even seen large, makeshift walls at Grand Central Station with hundreds of heartbreaking have-you-seen-me / missing messages for people that had been in the towers and not seen since that day. We were walking around Battery Park, where at the time had barges with remains of the Trade Center buildings. I made a comment in respect for the whole situation. She said (loudly) , "what's the big f*****g deal? They were just buildings." That's when I knew she had no soul.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
vile. "Just buildings". A massive symbol of american prosperity and hope for those who saw america as this "shining city on the hill". Also filled with almost 3000 people. What a horrible person.
#25
Dated a girl for a while, always seemed really well put together. Nice clothes, hair and makeup. We usually hooked up at my place. Went to her apartment once…the smell when she opened the door should’ve been enough. There were dirty diapers overflowing trash cans in every room of the house. There was a super small walkway through the mounds of dirty clothes to the bathroom. And to make it worse , there were used paper plates on top of the MOUNTAIN of dirty dishes in “the sink”. She proudly pointed out a moldy dish and said that it was from when she cooked dinner for two of our mutual friends. 3 months prior. Noped the hell outta there.
Labellesouris 1 year ago
If it was just her I'd never give her another thought. But did you say DIAPERS?? Was the baby under the paper plates too? I wouldn't have been able to walk away...I would've had to contact someone she was close to about that. Poor little one....
#26
She was jealous of me spending time with my sister and implied our relationship ‘wasn’t normal’. I was so grossed out by the implication. Dumped her the best day.
#27
Didn’t leave immediately when I was told this, but fairly soon after.
She told me that she never cleaned up cat barf. She’d simply wait and let the dog eat it. Once the dog got too old/deaf/blind, she would lead the dog to the cat barf.
Big nope for me.
#28
He told me **after** surgery that he couldn't take care of me like we planned, so he drove me home/to my parents place. My parents ended up going on a trip they had planned, hence the need for my bf to help me, leaving me bedridden with my weak grandma mad my grandpa who had dementia. Ended up having to rescue my grandpa which caused significant damage and bleeding to the point I needed a second surgery due to internal bleeding which got so bad as to burst my skin.
Needless to say we aren't dating anymore.
Labellesouris 1 year ago
That is abusive and downright dickish. I would've sent him the bill you had from the 2nd surgery.
#29
At a party with some of my closest friends and a lot of their mutuals, one of our friends who had recently been diagnosed with cancer was sharing some of his experience with chemo.
My then gf interrupted him by saying, “oh come on, it’s not that big of a deal. We all probably have cancer. Moles are usually cancer. Look, I’ve probably had cancer in all these places on my arm where I had moles removed.”
There were a lot of other issues that lead to it, but I broke up with her a few days later.
I was just so appalled by her lack of self awareness? These were my friends who I had known for a decade, and she’d only known them for about a year. And we were in a small group of maybe 9 people, most of whom she hadn’t even met before.
It disgusted me and I couldn’t spend the rest of my night near her. Ended it within the week.
#30
Annoyingly turning away in bed.
Because I was crying.
Due to the pain of my kidney infection.
For which I later had to go to the hospital for because, duh, it was a kidney infection.
Nah man, I don't understand how people can be annoyed about their loved ones acute pain instead of alarmed. I got out of that relationship pretty quick after that.
My now bf oftentimes cares more of my health than I do and tells me to go to the doctors if I have pain.
talliloo 1 year ago
oh, this hit home. had been married about 22 yrs when the progressive disease i had been diagnosed with several years before put me in a wheelchair for a while. the first time he saw me in a chair he stopped then walked away. always made sure he walked behind or ahead of me when in the chair. took me a few more years before i finally told myself that i was better off alone. with exception of my family, most people i knew thought i was crazy to leave as 'who would help take care of me'? new to them: me - i will take care of myself. since then have had several surgeries and been incapacitated at times and still took care of myself. the only thing my family did was prep meals for me and be there when i needed to bathe because they were concerned i would slip or get stuck.
#31
It should’ve been the time that he fell out of the shower in our Airbnb and was EXTREMELY agitated with me afterwards for not trying to save him from falling out. He was 6’2 and 230lbs, I was about 105lbs and am just under 5’0. Not sure what I was supposed to do.
It also should’ve been when he pitched a fit and deleted his FB event for his 40th birthday because not enough people had enthusiastically responded to it in the three hours it was up.
It also should’ve been when he booked a four seat reservation at a theme restaurant and invited one of his close girlfriends, but told her she couldn’t bring a guy and had to bring another girl. We weren’t quite finished our drinks when our seating time had run out, and went to sit at the communal table to finish and leave. He chatted with his friend and the girl she brought with his back to me. He didn’t even notice when I messaged him a picture of the back of his shirt because I was trying to make a point.
What it was was being on vacation with him and having him sneer at me for tipping too much ($5CAD to his suggestion of 50 cents). “You’re going to skew the economy here” “this is why you live paycheck to paycheck”. Dude literally lost any glamour charm on him at that moment and looked like nothing but a slimey human lizard freak after that.
Never been more repulsed and am still not quite over how disgusted I am with myself for dating him even a few years later.
#32
This was in highschool in the Netherlands, there was a new girl (April) and she and I hit it off.
About 3 months in she asks me about previous girlfriends, upon hearing one of their names the conversation went like this
Her- "oh the girl from the other class?"
Me- "Yeah yeah, the goth looking girl"
Her- "isn't she black?"
Me- "Yes?"
Her- "Can't believe you dated a "insert slur" you didn't have sex with her right? i don't think I'd be okay with that. I'm glad you changed your mind."
Left right there and then.
#33
Dated a guy who said even the smell of mint would make him gag. Mint anything, icecream, gum... toothpaste... So yeah, he didn't brush his teeth. Wouldn't hear a bar of it when I said there were non-mint toothpastes on the market. I realised after over 6 months together that he was just generally unhygienic and had a specific hang-up about brushing his teeth.
He told me he had memories of his mother holding him down to forcefully brush his teeth as a child because he hates mint so much... but I have to wonder if it was always about the mint, or actually the fact that the taste of mint was the most tangible part of that childhood trauma...
#34
I had set hard boundaries with a guy I started seeing, saying I wanted to take things slow. A couple dates in, we’re sitting in my car eating dessert and he’s trying to kiss me and put his hand on my breast. I push his hand away which he then tries to put between my legs. I pushed him away and told him he’s going too far and he says “I’m on my best behaviour, this is me going easy!”
He always pushed my boundaries and I cut it off after a month of seeing him
#35
I had gotten to the point in the relationship where he didn't mind me in the bathroom while he used it. He took a s**t and wiped ONCE. Didn't even look at the toilet paper, then started pulling his pants up. I immediately asked wtf he was doing and how tf he thought one little wipe was going to do a damn thing, and he was like, "I've never needed more than one, look" then wiped again probably expecting nothing to be there.
There was a lot there.
Idk I guess the idea of him just carrying on with his day with s**t regularly caked up in his a*s painted him in a different light for me. Wasn't ever able to reignite the attraction. Probably should've been the person-sized pile of garbage in his room that made me reconsider but I had further limits than most I suppose.
#36
When she was so insistent about not using a condom during sex and when we were just going about our daily lives she would constantly talk about how much she’s always wanted kids all for herself
We were 18 at the time. I left her in the dust so quick
#37
It was actually over a movie.
I love watching tons of movies. Not in the snobby way, just in a popcorn munching, happy way. So one of my absolute favorite comedies is The Birdcage (remake of a french movie) with Robin Williams, Nathan lane, and Hank Azaria. It was shot right around where I was born. So I go to toss it on and she straight up refuses because it is primarily a movie with gay people. This turns in to a rant about the sanctity of marriage and leads to being against her religion, which I find out is legit her family church, and just a lot of eyeopening admissions from someone I had been dating for a year.
Now I'm I like to think im not an overly sensitive individual, bartender for 15+ years, so when someone makes me uncomfortable, it has always been my rule to get them out of there. Did not watch the movie, had some fun (cards) and then the next day politely broke up. Of course went and watched my movie afterwards because it is great.
Had no idea I had been dabbling in crazy for that long.
*For the whining people, the "fun" was cards and a couple drinks as in I did not just scorch earth it. We were traveling together becoming more serious, visiting my hometown in Florida briefly and I thought it was a cool idea to end with "Does that place look familiar in the movie" from the places we visited. It is a bit corny but I've never claimed perfection. You don't want to be one of those idiots who fights with someone and then has to sit next to them for 2 plane trips. Wait till you land lol.
**If you have not seen the original of the Birdcage, 1978 La Cage aux Folles, you should treat yourself! It was also fantastic.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago (edited)
I had a similar thing but not about gay issues. Instead it was her falling asleep in everything I showed her. I eventually cracked and said look, it's not just about you. We can't just watch inane romcoms for the rest of our lives. They do not accurately depict reality. Whereas most of my movies are "Classic" - not in the "gone with the wind" or "casablanca" sense, but in the sense of, EVERYONE has seen them. Apparently not her. And no interest either. I said we are learning about each other. These are important to me, so you should show SOME interest at least, or at least ASK why they are important to me, not just go to sleep or walk out. Edit: she literally would only watch romcoms. Nothing else. Any suggestion from me was shot down. Romcom after romcom. Gah.
#38
An ex said “You need a cute job, no need for you to worry and work so hard” I love my job…I’m a nurse.
Same guy, after confiding in him the real reason I don’t want biological children: my fear that I’m infertile (severe endometriosis from a fairly early age, my cousin also has it and she went through a lot of heartbreak trying to conceive, many many miscarriages and lots of IVF cycles, and I don’t think I could handle that emotionally) He replied with “well, you’re just going to have to try really hard then” As if it’s an issue of willpower or something? As if some people just aren’t working hard enough to have a baby?
#39
My ex would threaten suicide anytime things got tough in our relationship. Grossed me out enough that I just called it a day eventually. Queue the desperate calls hours later from the apparent overdose. She's still alive and kicking somewhere though.
David 1 year ago
My ex wife did the fake suicide thing several times. I finally said go ahead. No, I didn't want her to die but I could see it was about attention not wanting to die. Also, I said it nicer than that. Basically told her kindly that I don't want her to but I can not watch her 24/7 so if she is going to do that then that is her choice to make even though I don't want it. She didn't, and also stopped pretending to. Though I think she pulled some of that during her subsequent marriages after me.
#40
My ex constantly blaming me for not looking beautiful… in his eyes i was ugly af… i still struggle with low confidence sometimes…..
BewilderedBanana 1 year ago
He was trying to trap you in the relationship by making you feel like you're ugly and no one else would want you... like the manipuative, narcissitic cünt he probably was. MASSIVE well done for showing him how wrong he was :) and you said it yourself, you were ugly "in his eyes"... his sh1tty eyesight has left the building, so pls stop giving it any importance and just be your beautiful self :)
#41
Her continued hobby of sleeping with other men while I was out of town. Really couldn't stand it.
#42
Had an ex who was a wannabe actor. She once showed me a video she took of herself basically bashing jewish people for controlling Hollywood and how she was so oppressed. She thought it was some woke thing she’d done and people were going to be impressed with her “fresh” outlook. It was so tone-deaf that I honestly just realized that so many quirky things that I had liked about her, was her just being an idiot at her core. We broke up shortly after. She never made it as an actress and moved back to Detroit last I knew.
Kate Jones 1 year ago
I just don't understand what these people think they're going to get out of that. Even if you are a racist or a bigot or anti-women, why on earth would you tell anyone that? I get you might be proud of being some disgusting human being, but you have to logically know that isn't how the bulk of people feel so unless you're at a Klan rally or some 'I hate Women and Gay people' seminar, nothing good will come of you recording your hate for posterity. I know some people don't care but if you're looking to get into an industry that has a lot of a certain type of person, why wouldn't you keep your mouth shut? If you want to get into fashion design or makeup artistry or anything in the entertainment industry, you're going to come across gay people. You're going to work with women. So if you hate those groups, maybe this isn't the career for you.
#43
He sneezed, didnt cover his face. A booger landed on his pants and he ate it. Im gagging just typing this.
#44
I was grossed out by how he viewed me as an object. It made me feel very used to the point that it made me physically ill once. After that, I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. I never put myself through anything like that after. However, it was a valuable relationship because I learned to respect myself.
Edit: thank you so much for all the support and for sharing your personal struggles with the same problem. Since some commenters are wondering about the details, I'll post more about it here:
I was young, and he played with my mind. He would pull me away from my friends to have sex with me and wouldn't stop touching me or being sexual with me in front of everybody. He made me sit on his lap anytime we sat down together. He would try to sext me none stop, he wasn't interested in what made me a person or getting to know me beyond physically. It made me feel like his own personal walking cum sock. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. So it wasn't just comments, it was also physical. However, the comments made me extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable.
#45
When I saw his apartment... the smell hit me first, just smelled like dog pee and this STRONG wet musty smell. I couldn't be in there without the windows open. Piles of stuff everywhere, so much that it was spreading to the outdoor balcony and diet coke cans on every surface. The carpet was so dirty you could see all around the edges of the wall a little brown accumulation, that....and the dog wasn't potty trained. While the poo would get picked up, the pee was never cleaned so it soaked into the carpet and I learned quickly that if I didn't have shoes on I might get a wet little surprise soaking through my socks. The kitchen tile always felt tacky and greasy, he rarely did laundry of any kind, in fact I never once saw him do laundry except the one time I offered to for him.
He even had a little gaming den (edit to add, Fortnite...he played Fortnite), fortunately the dog wasn't allowed in there, but again, I could see it'd never been cleaned once. Dirt and dust and stuff piled everywhere, cans and old plates of food left out. He told me once that he wanted to get a mini fridge for it so he never had to get up, I was ADAMANT that he didn't. I don't care if it's his place, the next step after that is peeing in bottles!
It was shocking, he seemed so put together on the outside, and then to see how he lived and this was AFTER "cleaning all day"...yyyeeshhh. I don't know if that was more gross or the "women don't know what it's like to work, women can't be trusted, women this women that, boohoo" comments.
Also just want to add on, no I'm not making fun a depressed person. He was pretty happy/ active and could justify anything he did.
What do you think ?
Shark Lady 1 year ago
I have an ostomy (had all of my large bowel removed and some of my small) I started dating a guy online and we had met up a few times. I thought things were heading towards the bedroom so I explained about my bag as I felt it was only fair to let him know early in case he couldn't deal with it. Couldn't deal with it was a total under statement, he told me I was disgusting having a bag of sh1t attached to me 24/7 and that he would rather die than have one himself. Obviously that was the end of things, I was completely distraught, lost all my confidence and haven't been on a date since. The worst thing was a few months later he text me wanting to hook up and I could just wear a shirt so he couldn't see my bag.
Jessica Bertram 1 year ago
that is a terrible garbage human. You are lovely and eff the shallow ppl that don't see it. 🫂
Load More Replies...
Rapunzel With The Loced Hair 1 year ago
I am seeing a guy right now, and sometimes I think this is a red flag and I might be ignoring it, but other times I think I'm overthinking things. This guy and I almost dated 5 years ago and in the 6 months we were getting to know each other, I'm the only one who ever spent any money. We lost touch, but found each other again last year and he said he wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship between us, something I didn't object to. Now we have been getting to know each other and this guy has only ever bought me lozenges when I had a flu, but he is always calling me to say he is hungry and sometimes I send him some money for lunch, other times I don't. 5years ago when we almost dated, we were kids and I had a little more money than he did so I didn't mind spending,but now this guy makes over 6 times what I make as an intern at my job and yet, he still expects me to spend. Am I overthinking it? Or is this a scarlet red glad?
wowbagger 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing this. I've been in a similar situation, and I would say that the most important thing is to listen to your gut. When you tell yourself you might be overthinking, that's gaslighting yourself. Your feelings and thoughts are valid. You can share those thoughts with him and ask for what you want in the relationship. Or you can talk with someone else you trust to help you figure out what you want. But the ultimate question is: are you happy in this relationship as it is (not as you wish it might be)? Are your needs being met?
Load More Replies...
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
Had an ex that would drink way too much. I should have seen the flags when I went to his condo an there were cases of empty beer bottles stacked in the kitchen to the point it was mostly storage for them. He left the state to live with his buddy. Came back an begged me to get an apt. (There is way lots to the story but I'm breaking it short). We move in. He keeps drinking. I'm over it. He has a "panic attack" mostly just to see if I care. 911 him to hpt. He's pissed he can't smoke. Has to wait to be released. Mad I called his parents about it. Go to eat w his dad an step mom an mention his brother that was killed in the war. He has one that lives in Florida but this was a "diff" brother. Dad says that's a lie. Mention he served in marines? Nope another lie. Mentioned I was the drinker not him. Nope big lie. So I made up my mind to find a way out. I did. He wound up moving to Florida and getting a bunch of DUIs and is in prison. Also he had the smallest penis and we had no sex life.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
I have an ostomy (had all of my large bowel removed and some of my small) I started dating a guy online and we had met up a few times. I thought things were heading towards the bedroom so I explained about my bag as I felt it was only fair to let him know early in case he couldn't deal with it. Couldn't deal with it was a total under statement, he told me I was disgusting having a bag of sh1t attached to me 24/7 and that he would rather die than have one himself. Obviously that was the end of things, I was completely distraught, lost all my confidence and haven't been on a date since. The worst thing was a few months later he text me wanting to hook up and I could just wear a shirt so he couldn't see my bag.
Jessica Bertram 1 year ago
that is a terrible garbage human. You are lovely and eff the shallow ppl that don't see it. 🫂
Load More Replies... Rapunzel With The Loced Hair 1 year ago
I am seeing a guy right now, and sometimes I think this is a red flag and I might be ignoring it, but other times I think I'm overthinking things. This guy and I almost dated 5 years ago and in the 6 months we were getting to know each other, I'm the only one who ever spent any money. We lost touch, but found each other again last year and he said he wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship between us, something I didn't object to. Now we have been getting to know each other and this guy has only ever bought me lozenges when I had a flu, but he is always calling me to say he is hungry and sometimes I send him some money for lunch, other times I don't. 5years ago when we almost dated, we were kids and I had a little more money than he did so I didn't mind spending,but now this guy makes over 6 times what I make as an intern at my job and yet, he still expects me to spend. Am I overthinking it? Or is this a scarlet red glad?
wowbagger 1 year ago
Thank you for sharing this. I've been in a similar situation, and I would say that the most important thing is to listen to your gut. When you tell yourself you might be overthinking, that's gaslighting yourself. Your feelings and thoughts are valid. You can share those thoughts with him and ask for what you want in the relationship. Or you can talk with someone else you trust to help you figure out what you want. But the ultimate question is: are you happy in this relationship as it is (not as you wish it might be)? Are your needs being met?
Load More Replies... Mad McQueen 1 year ago
Had an ex that would drink way too much. I should have seen the flags when I went to his condo an there were cases of empty beer bottles stacked in the kitchen to the point it was mostly storage for them. He left the state to live with his buddy. Came back an begged me to get an apt. (There is way lots to the story but I'm breaking it short). We move in. He keeps drinking. I'm over it. He has a "panic attack" mostly just to see if I care. 911 him to hpt. He's pissed he can't smoke. Has to wait to be released. Mad I called his parents about it. Go to eat w his dad an step mom an mention his brother that was killed in the war. He has one that lives in Florida but this was a "diff" brother. Dad says that's a lie. Mention he served in marines? Nope another lie. Mentioned I was the drinker not him. Nope big lie. So I made up my mind to find a way out. I did. He wound up moving to Florida and getting a bunch of DUIs and is in prison. Also he had the smallest penis and we had no sex life.
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