I did not plan on having children. My husband and I were married just about 2 years when I gave birth to my now 2.5 year old. He got a lot of pressure from his mother to give her a grandchild. I believe this led him to pressure me, and me wanting to make my husband happy, agreed to have a kid. Our once good life is now a mess and I absolutely do not like being a parent. I do not enjoy anything about it. I only breastfeed for 1 day, as it grossed me out so much. The crying makes me crazy. I do not like poop, puke, baby talk, or other parents. I have scar tissue from tearing which has made sex almost impossible because of the pain. So my sex life is gone. I am trying to hang in there, but my fantasies of leaving are becoming too much. I have saved up enough money to get an apartment if I need too. I browse indeed for jobs in different states. I bought a new phone with a different phone number so if I left I could ditch my current phone and no one could bother me. I have planned a road trip to a state I would like to move to, full with rest stops and everything. Every night when I am bed, and everyone is sleeping, I imagine getting up and leaving, to never look back. One more bad day and I am afraid I will not be able to help myself and slip out of the door like a ghost.

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I am 24 years old and I have an extremely autistic daughter. When she was a baby it was smooth sailing. You raise babies all the same mostly. It's not hard. But as the years pass by she's unmanageable. I sometimes cry so bad imagining what my life would be like. I'm so talented so funny and had so many dreams. Now I'm locked up in my section 8 housing can't work because I can't find care for her. Therapy won't call me back and I'm hitting a brick wall. I don't feel resentment towards my child I feel extremely bad for her. She doesn't understand anything barely. She barely can function alone for five seconds alone without destroying the place or smearing poop everywhere or breaking everything in her path. Her dad is not helping me as he doesn't want parts.My family and friends don't want parts im so alone. In my dreams I imagine what I could be. I hope that we actually do have a next life that I can actually live and not be bound by this. I ask God why has he cursed me so bad. And what did I do to deserve this. I am resentful towards my mother. She's the one that was so forceful for me to have her. I was set on an abortion. I had no plans in keeping her. Maybe I wasn't supposed too. Maybe this is my punishment. I don't know. I've tried to find the blessing in this. But where is it. I feel like I'm in my mid 40's. My life is over. Everyday I rush to put her to bed so I can cry at night. Sad part is she's beautiful. Gorgeous and stunning. I wish she was normal so bad. I wish this world had more tools for autistic children. I wish more ppl would help not only me but all moms In similar cases. I wish this life would hurry up. I don't like it here anymore. I pray to God there is a light at the end of this tunnel. This is hell. And I'm here everyday

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whatever

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Ok....if reading this isn't a good form of birth-control then I don't know what is.

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My three kids (aged 34, 31 and 28) have all turned out into decent functioning members of society. One daughter got her Master's as an older student and has a very good job as a policy advisor and doesn't want her own kids, my other daughter has a degree and works as a bank teller (she doesn't love it, but it isn't unbearable, and the bank she works for pays well and has good benefits), and is married with 2 girls, and my son went into a trade and his partner had a baby in May. They have/had their issues with mental illness and teenage rebellion and all the things that come with life and parenthood, but they all ended up OK in the end.

My regrets have nothing to do with them as people. They all turned out into people I love.

My regrets are that raising them into functioning members of society basically came at the expense of my own life.

I didn't really do anything with my life because I was busy raising them, and now, I am busy helping them with my grandchildren, which I am happy to do, but it is only now that I realise how motherhood was basically it for my life. I never travelled, I never had my own career, I don't have a happy relationship to retire with because the stress of kids droves us apart and my ex husband to his secretary (what a cliche, I know). Because the economy is so cruel to millennials, they were at home for a long time and needed my help beyond 18. My oldest has a Master's degree and it is still hard for her to get ahead, it wasn't like that for us.

I see my childfree daughter living her life - travelling, enjoying hobbies, having a great life, and I wish I knew that was an option for me. I had kids because it was "what you did" after you got married, especially 30+ years ago. I wish I knew there were other choices. I always loved my kids, but was always kinda unhappy - I just thought it was a normal part of being an adult and was medicated, but I only realise now that I was totally unfulfilled.

I've raised three humans that turned out pretty great......but never really had a life for myself, and now I have some time, I don't have the health or money to do all the things I wish I did in my life, and the pandemic is making it impossible.

I don't know if regret is the right word, because I love them, but I think if I could do my adult life over again knowing what I know now, I wouldn't be a mother again and would live my life for myself and not for others and make myself happy instead of taking on a life of sacrificing my happiness for my children. It is not their job to appreciate it and I don't expect anything in return, but I am glad my daughter has always expressed gratitude. But I still wouldn't do it again, even for her, and that makes me feel a lot of guilt. But I just wish I got to live for myself, you know?

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LonelyLittleLeafSheep

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1 year ago

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I feel exactly the same way!

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I had my son when I was 23 years old and I can honestly say it was the worst mistake of my life. Im not with his father anymore, whilst he’s a good dad and helps out as much as he can I can’t help but feel feelings of regret whenever I think about my situation. I don’t have the typical “motherly bond” that you see plastered all over instagram and Facebook and this makes me feel so guilty. My mother and family help me out a lot and I honestly don’t know where I would be without them but I just wanted to get this off my chest. If your on the fence about wanting kids please think long and hard about any decision you make as this is permanent as hell. The only time I’m ever enjoying myself is when I’m sleeping or away from my son. I love him to death but more like a younger brother or family member. I know for a fact I will never have any more children for as long as I’m alive. It annoys the hell out of me when people say “oh your still so young” “you’ll change your mind in a couple of years” erm.. no I most definitely will not. I wish I had a time machine to wake me up from this living nightmare.

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When I was 22 I decided I wanted to be child free. I used to get up and go when I please, I was not under pressure financially, I love my career which comes with travel, I did not have to be in charge of drop offs and pick ups, meetings, dropping everything to pick him up when sick... I only had to worry about feeding and bathing myself... BUT with people in my ear about how much I would regret this, life happened and I ended up pregnant and not only that but he ended up being diagnosed with Autism and now 4 years old, still non verbal. Now, in addition to above, I have to keep track of all therapies, appointments and I don’t know if he’ll ever be independent, living on his own so being an empty nester might not ever be in my future. I guess the plus is I got my tubes removed otherwise I would’ve probably been admitted to psych ward if I ended up pregnant again.

In the end, my child did not ask to be here so it’s my duty to give him a comfortable life but nothing about this life is worth it.

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My (35f) daughter (5f) K is special needs. Autistic with broad developmental delays. (Don't know the correct terms in english) She dosent talk, dosen't sign, wears diapers. One moment she's laughing, The next she hits or kicks. More than once K's smeared poop on my mattress and/or walls.

K has to be watched every moment she's awake. She will run to the street or break things just for fun. She's a 24/7 job that never stops. I could go on, but maybe you get the picture.

I had my second child, a son, nine months ago. He's such a easy child, very happy and content.

So here's the horrible truth. I find myself loving My son more. K's just so much work, even with all the help I get.

Before kids, I never yelled. Never had a short temper. I wanted to be a mom so bad. And now, i'm a bad mom. Sometimes i just want to take off.

(I had my kids using a sperm donor, so no badmouthing "The dad".)

Any words of comfort?

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SheDeM

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1 year ago

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Girl, so hard! I guess my suggestion would be to reach out to everyone you can think of for assistance. Grab every ounce of help you can find. Finagle friends and family to watch her so you can just get out for a minute. Also, a secure, contained space for K to "play", where she cannot damage anything or go running about, may help relieve the constant stress, fear, and worry. Make it comfortable and washable, with whatever play materials she needs/wants, but just REALLY limit her freedom, for her safety and your sanity.

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Some people are born with motherly instincts. Some people seem to have them kick in once their baby is born.. and then there's people like me that are 8 years into this gig and I haven't ever felt any special love or instinct like I was told I would. I love my kids, but I love them the same way I love my brother or my grandparents. It's nothing special, and definitely not like a special bond. I've basically been on manual since they were born. I've never just known what's wrong when I heard their cries, their first words and other milestones have never meant anything to me, and I've always had the feeling of being nothing but inconvenienced when I couldn't easily fix a problem.

I don't know if this plays apart in my regrets of being a parent, or if this comes from regretting it. I do feel very guilty and sad for my kids. They know love, and over the years, my patience has increased a bit, but they won't ever get the experience of a good mom.

I regret my kids. I regret having to parent my kids. I wish I could be the "fun aunt" and just visit them sometimes. I'm trying my hardest to give them a decent childhood, but my regret and depression weigh on me a lot. I don't know how to keep up this charade.

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It’s the unending, repetitive, monotonous, hamster-wheel nature of…like, everything.

Every single damn day of my existence it’s unending piles of dishes…MOUNTAINS of laundry…making multiple (requested) meals that go untouched by mean a*s little food critics…cleaning a disastrously messy house, only to have all that work undone almost instantly. Its having MY THINGS lost or broken. It’s the constant tattling and sibling rivalry. It’s every tv in the house HAS to be playing Blippy or Peppa Pig or Mickey’s Clubhouse some other maddening kid show (like they cannot tolerate an adult watching anything that isn’t one of “their shows”, even in another room, and will ensure you are not permitted to enjoy it). It’s the constant whining and begging and bargaining for this new toy or that new doodad that will be discarded faster than it takes to pry it out of the impossible to open packaging. It’s the resistance and doing the actual opposite of whatever it is I’m needing them to either do or stop doing. And it’s all so effortless for them. And it’s killing my soul and my sanity. And I’m becoming someone I truly dislike. I’m becoming deeply angry and resentful. I want to enjoy my children and my life, but I don’t. I just don’t.

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I don't hate my son, but I hate being a mother. I don't hate my son, I hate myself for having taken the decision to have a child.

It's so hard, I feel like I don't have any freedom since I'm a mother. I'm just waiting for him to sleep, because I'll finally be alone.

I have a partner, I can't stand him anymore, but I can't be a single mom, I can't be alone with my son.

That's just hard.. thank you for reading.

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I feel so awful but I have to. I don’t know what else to do and our home cannot handle having her in it.

When I was 18, I made the stupid mistake of letting one of my classmates in our senior class knock me up with no protection. He pitied me enough to stay until our daughter was around 7, and we realized we are terrible for one another. My daughter ended up very affected by the divorce and I still feel awful about it to this day.

Ever since around 2 years after our divorce, my daughter hated me. Her behavior got more and more extreme. She started from just defying me to lying to her school about me and my husband physically abusing her and our (at the time) 4 year old son. This happened when she was 14, and it was the final straw. We asked her if she wanted to live with her dad, which she agreed to, and we dropped her off at her dads and only saw her during the holidays.

This was a huge mistake. Her father was an abusive narcissist and she ended up learning a lot of s***ty and manipulative tactics from him. He ended up dying around 6 months ago due to an opiate overdose.

She has been in our custody for these 6 months, and in 3 weeks she will be 18. She has turned into a scammer who has managed to make a few thousand dollars under our noses. We realized just exactly what she was doing when she tried to recruit our now 7 year old son into her scamming business. This was our last straw with her entirely. We were planning on letting her stay until she graduates high school, but now we have decided that after her 18th birthday she will need to find somewhere else to stay. I cannot handle her. Our family cannot handle her.

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The worst part about having kids is the way you are forever tied to your ex partner if the relationship with them goes bad.

I have a 7 and 5 year old with my now ex husband who cheated on me and have split 75-25 custody with my ex husband. The negative thing with no-fault divorce is that a partner who cheats on their spouse still gets treated equally in the divorce settlement.

I have to live in a state I hate because I am not allowed to move interstate back to my own family without his permission and he refuses to give me that permission. I have to be in contact with him even though speaking with him repulses me. I have to encourage a positive relationship between him and my children even though it makes me sick to say a nice word about someone who cheated on me with the only friend I had in this city.

I want to go home. I don't want to deal with him ever again, but this man is now in my life forever. I have to deal with him forever.

13 years. I have 13 years until I can move away from this awful expensive city that is a terrible fit for me.

I already regretted kids before the cheating and divorce happened but this is just the icing on the cake. I had kids largely for him and now I hate him, but I am stuck with the kids and stuck with this life.

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whatever

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1 year ago

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The perfect definition of living in absolute Hell. When my wife and I were selling our house and moving to a much better area, a few neighbors were saying that they wished they could do the same thing but couldn't because of either the kids or being upside-down on their mortgages.

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I’ve never posted on here. I only found this sub yesterday and was so relieved to see that I’m not alone in the way I feel. I (F18) got pregnant very young. I had my son at 17 years old to a man older than me. I never wanted children. I was very close to aborting my baby. Very close. I’m talking going to planned parenthood and being forced to listen to the heartbeat before examination close. I ended up having the baby, because my bf convinced me to and promised he would be supportive. He is in most ways. But he’s also alcoholic. He is not abusive and treats me great most of the time. But alcoholics have their moments.

I hate being a mother. My son is about to be 1 year old. And I still have not adjusted to being a mother. I miss my old life. I’m still a teenager and I have absolutely no friends. I love my son. I love my boyfriend. But I yearn for freedom. I often fantasize about living alone in an apartment and sleeping in, going grocery shopping, going on trips, ANYTHING without having to worry about another human. I am not a good mother. I try to play with him as much as I can muster up the courage to, but I end up laying in bed half the time and letting him watch cartoons. I take care of him enough to where he’s healthy and alive. But I could do so much better. I just can’t and genuinely don’t want to. His Dad loves him so much and if he weren’t an alcoholic I would definitely consider straight up giving him custody. But I know I would miss him. I don’t know. I just needed to get this off my chest. I just want to be alone. I think I was trapped.

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I will not need to stumble blearily out of bed to change the diaper on a crying, flailing baby.

No one will inform me that they wet the bed last night, or whine at me about how hungry they are and ask repeatedly when breakfast will be ready until I yell at them to stop.

I won't have to get anyone ready for school, or ask "how could you possibly have lost your shoes" or make sure that their snack is in their backpack.

I won't have to tell anyone that they need to stop goofing off or they're going to be late. "Dad, have you seen my backpack?" You mean the backpack that's hanging up on the hook where it's supposed to be, that backpack?

One day, I'll wake up, stretch, and make myself a cup of coffee that I'll drink while it's still hot. I'll take a shower, sit and read for a bit, maybe get an early start on my workday, or go for a short walk.

Only like... 10 more years, guys.

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I have three children. The oldest is 19, the youngest is 9 (the middle is 11). I was a teen mom. I have been doing this for about twenty years and I just don’t like it. At all.

I love my children. They are bright and articulate and fascinatingly different one from the other. We are relatively well off, and I work really hard to provide them with everything they need, including love, care, and affection. I just DON’T love being their mother.

I thought it would get better after they reached kindergarten. I thought it would be better when I was older and more mature when I had the latter two, and they were close in age instead of my older singleton. But it wasn’t. It was worse.

I thought parenting was about showing your children how amazing the world is (and I do believe that it is amazing!) and sharing that wonder with them, and raising them to be Independent, whole people who change the world for the better - even on some small level. But it isn’t about any of that at all.

It is constantly heartbreaking .And endless and thankless and joyless and boring.

Good god, how boring!

My husband is an amazing partner and an awesome dad and he really seems to love it, and I am so happy and grateful for him. But I am also confused and disappointed and frustrated and sad and profoundly, profoundly guilty because I hate this job - and my family (all of them!) deserves someone who loves it.

I wish I got it.
Only nine more years.

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I am currently hiding outside while my kid has a meltdown. The screaming triggers this awful “make it stop” fight or flight feeling that makes me feel intense rage. I need to leave to be out of earshot or else I have no way of calming down.

I hate being a parent. I hate doing s***ty, boring kid things only for my kid to have a temper tantrum anyway. I hate not having a village. I hate how thankless it is. I hate that people look at my disobedient child and think that I’m spoiling him or not doing enough - I’ve tried everything in the book! I do “all the right things”! It doesn’t seem to make a difference. I hate putting an effort in at mealtime only to have him turn his nose up at all my hard work. I hate how clingy he is. I hate that I can’t cope. I hate that I don’t love doing this like other people seem to. I hate the overwhelming weight of having someone else’s childhood in my hands, I’m so scared of messing him up. I hate, most of all, that this was my decision and I have no one to blame but myself.

That’s it. I don’t want advice, particularly not from the child-free that seem to float around commenting unnecessarily in this sub. Some solidarity would be cool though.

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It sounds insane because it is insane. I absolutely DO NOT want to "serve" this country. But I'm a single mom who was forced into motherhood because the dad refused to go through with adoption. I'm struggling with bills and it's just me and my child here 24/7. If I join I have to give up custody to her dad which is fine by me. He swears he loves and can't wait to see his daughter but she has to live with me so he can "get his sht together". He's been trying to get his sht together since I met him. I'm over it.

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I am regretful in my life choices. I really am. Mostly regretful In having my daughter. She has severe autism. And when I got pregnant I wanted an abortion but my parents talked me out of it and it was the worst mistake I've ever made even still to this day everyday is hell and if it's not hell it's lower than hell. I can't do anything anymore alone. I can't even bring her with me because she has terrible outbursts and screams and cries and she's almost 5 years old and everyone has fallen off. My friends don't even care about me anymore or invite me out anywhere. Her God mom cut off contact with us probably because she's too much to handle and I can't take it anymore. Day in and day out im here with her alone. Dealing with constant pooping everywhere spreading it across the walls bed sheets. Breaking everything that is important to me or even nice to me. She breaks thru child gates and all other precautions I make. She doesn't sleep waking me up almost every night screaming and yelling and won't stop. I can't take it. Im not a violent person so I don't hit her but sometimes I lock myself in my room and cry. Is this it for me ? Is this a life a 25 year old woman should have to live ? Is this living or is this existing ? My health is declining. Mentally I'm at a 0. I want to just run away. Sometimes when she's screaming so loud at night I hope someone calls CPS and they come take her. I genuinely don't wanna be in this situation. But I have to be so hopefully I'll get dealt better cards in my next life

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whatever

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1 year ago

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I'd drop her off at her grandparent house to be taken care of since they were the ones who were so gung-ho about the mom keeping the pregnancy.

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So, things suck.

Ever since having a kid (obligatory statement of how much I love the little bugger), my quality of life has been going downhill fast.

No more alone time, almost no time alone with my wife, days are being spent exclusively on work or kids. Everything is a chore, even something as simple as leaving the house takes at least 30 minutes and has me grinding my teeth. You know the feeling, I don't even need to elaborate further.

Well, my wife wanted a second child, and managed to convince me after making her case for the better part of a year. I guess you all know the good old "two is so much easier", what a cruel joke. The younger one is now half a year old, and I am just utterly spent.

The relationship with my wife seems to be at an all time low, as she is constantly stressed and in mom-mode 24/7. I am trying to do my part, but between my regular job and a side gig (to help pay some of those outrageous bills), I am stretched pretty thin. Affection and intimacy seem to have gotten lost somewhere between dirty diapers, temper tantrums and petty fights about absolute nonsense.
Even having sex depends on so many factors (both kids falling asleep early, her not feeling too exhausted, there being any semblence of "mood" with toys and plushies all around us) that I can count the time the stars have aligned on one hand since kid#2 arrived.

Now, in the middle of all this madness, the wife now brought up the topic of having a third child. I mostly laughed and tried hard not to make an "immaculate conception" joke, but her "well, just think about it" already tells me I will hear all kinds of wonderful arguments in the months to come.

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Deborah B

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1 year ago

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For the love of god, get a vasectomy. Tell your wife you can't cope with another baby, two is enough, then abstain from sex until you can get the surgery.

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I'm struggling to find meaning. With my unplanned pregnancy I had the indoctrinated list of "why you should have children" rhetoric embedded in me from everyone. Plus the fun "It's God's plan/it's what God wants for your life/God's gift" mindf**k (I'm no longer religious).

After being a parent for 7 years, all of those reasons have fallen like flies. They all seem so selfish or cruel. What gave me the right to bring another human into this world. What gives anyone the right. Other than simply having the ability to reproduce.

It'd be different if I was bringing another person into paradise to experience bliss, but we all know this place is f**ked. Ironic I didn't realize how awful the world was and how hard life is until I had to worry about children. Add the fact its inevitable we ourselves will f**k up our kids in one way or the other.

Anyone have at least one healthy, realistic and/or good reason to have children that keeps you going? Not the sugar coated parroting we've all heard, and not after the fact(because obviously we're all going to keep going regardless, they are here already) but a solid reason to be a parent.

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I feel like a terrible mom for feeling this was but I never wanted my child. I got pregnant unexpectedly and my husband was unsupportive of terminating the pregnancy. He convinced me that we could handle a baby. But I failed to realize it would just mostly be me caring for this child. My whole life has changed and his gets to be so normal. I’ve been struggling to make it through the day at this point. Five months postpartum and I still feel like I’m drowning. Most days I think about how I can just leave, pack up everything and never come back but the guilt of leaving my son and later in his life feel like it’s his fault kills me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried therapy and it just feels like another chore to do on top of caring for the house and my child.

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SheDeM

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1 year ago

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MEDICATION!!! 🙂 Seriously. And get that husband on board with helping you. It's 2023! He contributed half the DNA, but YOU were pregnant, YOU gave birth, YOU are the one forever changed by the experience in every way. HE needs to step the f@#$ up. Hand him the baby and leave the house for a few hours, on a regular basis. Make it your ME date and carve it in stone in the calendar. Get some sun and fresh air, grab a coffee or whatever, and just walk! Do you, Mama. You matter.

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I, 28F and my partner willingly got pregnant with our now 8 month old son. We were so excited about it and wanted him so badly…

I have been struggling since day 1 and it’s not improved. I wake up EVERY morning listening to him cry and I struggle to open my eyes and start the day. I hate motherhood. I hate every single thing about it. The baby has started crawling so I truly have my hands full… and I know it’s only going to get worse. I’m not looking forward to any phase in the future. To me it all looks downhill.

I have some good days with my son, but most times I just find it too hard to bare. I miss every aspect of my old life and genuinely feel like I’ve ruined my future.

I’ve imagined picking up everything and just disappearing to get some alone time and peace and quiet. But I know I would miss him and his dad. I just feel trapped.

I don’t see a way out.

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Beck

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1 year ago

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I think she means uphill.

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When you decide to have a child (well twins in my case) with your long term partner that always wanted to have kids even though you never shared the dream. Thought maybe it would all work out and fit snuggly and happily like society always conveys.

Wrong.

Life turns upside down instead. Now you’ll likely not only lose the love of your life but you’ve also become something you never really wanted in the first place, a mother. For the rest of your life.

Or you stay together and question what you are doing everyday and just how much your heart/brain/emotions can take. Accompanied by a blanket of sadness that flares up and tries to strangle you on some days. You’re surviving but you’re no living.

Lose/lose.

True story and I do not recommend.

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I am so thankful for this sub because it makes me feel less crazy. On the outside I appear to have a great life; three healthy kids, a supportive spouse, a good job, family support… and all that makes me just feel more guilty for having such regrets about my kids. I did want to be a mom. We waiting and had kids when we were ready. But after two it’s like we got overly confident, or careless, or something. My spouse really wanted a third and I just kind of went along with it and I soooooo wish I hadn’t. Two kids is PLENTY. The third has made our lives utter chaos. It’s unrelenting and I hate feeling this way. It’s like we went from manageable to crazy town and there’s no going back. I’m so disappointed in myself and am grieving the life I could have had if we’d have stopped at one or two.

I love my kids but I also feel like I’m stretched so thin with work and the kids that I can’t even be a good parent to them. When my oldest talks to me and wants to share something interesting in my head I just thing “please stop talking and leave me alone!” I don’t want to play, I just want space, quiet, and for people to quit touching me and climbing on me all the damn time! Also whyyyyyy do they never stop making noise?!

We are finally past the baby stage, the youngest is three, and I keep waiting for it to get better. Don’t get me wrong it’s less awful now — I hated the baby stage and constant diapers, night feedings, etc. but we have three boys and they’re SO f**king rowdy, loud, and messy. As a person who values quiet down time I’m absolutely going out of my mind. I just want to run away.

I can’t believe I’m a whole a*s adult and got myself into this situation. I know how babies are made people! And yet here I am, regretting having a child when I knew better. If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

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I (34 F) regret having children. I thought I’d love being a parent. As a teenager and young adult I greatly enjoyed teaching, coaching and babysitting kids and thought it would be something I’d enjoy as an adult. My husband agreed and we had 2 kids, 2 years apart because both of us love having siblings. Unfortunately when my youngest was 2 I got a chronic illness, and now my immune system is terrible. Caring for 2 young kids while being chronically ill means the children are well cared for, but I am not. I catch everything they get and more, I can’t help but feel the stress and burden of having kids caused my chronic illness. At least the constant work and stress contributed to my illness. Caring for kids is so unfulfilling, boring, and repetitive. My kids are well behaved, cute and intelligent, truly some of the least annoying kids out there ( I shudder every time they ask to invite friends, most other kids are little s**ts). However, I can’t help feel that my life wasn’t meant to be an endless cycle of laundry, dishes and reading boring books aloud, while battling bone crushing fatigue and a never ending sore throat and runny nose. Seriously, had I known parenting meant I would get this sick so often, I wouldn’t have done it.

Life-Use6335 Report

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I hate having a newborn. I absolutely hate it. It's not the kids fault. It's mine. I know my temperament and abilities. I CANNOT stay up all night and get to work. I can't stand watching my wife be exhausted 24/7. So I try to help. Then i just go down this line of thinking...why the f**k did I do this to myself? I hate myself so much for thinking a 2nd child would be good. "Oh your first kid needs a sibling." "You're already in the mode so you might as well have another." All kinds of bulls**t. Advice for new parents: Only have a newborn if you can AFFORD to hire people to help. Nannies. Babysitters. And I don't mean once a month. I mean 4 nights a week. If you need to work...and your career is extremely demanding...not for you. You can't have a career and a newborn at the same time without significant amounts of help. I deeply regret that I did this and there's no going back. No amount of sucking it up will allow me to not sleep and then be on point at 8am at my job that pays our mortgage. This was so f**king stupid I cannot believe I let myself fall for this.

CelluloidPrime Report

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Today, I just had a major breakdown because of his behavior.

He had a long overdue assignment that he'd lied about finishing last night. I got like the 100th email from his teacher saying he's not doing his school work.

When he got home from school, I calmly told him to finish his assignments first. He went to his room but was mosning and groaning so loudly the entire time that my husband had to tell him twice to cut it out. He kept on doing it and I just snapped. I was shaking so bad because of anger, I was screaming at him to just leave and never come back.

It's like this every. Single. Day. It's a struggle to get him to do anything. We have to call him 100 times to come to the dining table, to take shower, to brush his teeth.

Everyday it's a struggle. And it's not like he is passive - he screams at us, talks back, calls his dad racist remarks, mocks us. , slams doors...

I am so sick of it. I wish I could give him up. I am tired because I am alone taking care of my baby daughter the whole day and he comes from school only to act up if we so much as ask him a question.

We have tried taking screen time, gadgets away, heart to heart talks, strict parenting. Nothing works.

Life-Butterscotch-33 Report

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SheDeM

SheDeM

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1 year ago

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Is therapy an option? It can be expensive, but maybe there's help to be had.

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I hate myself for not being able to go through with it. I hate myself for not leaving my relationship way earlier. I hate myself for not standing up for myself & walking away from this toxic & abusive relationship. I hate that I believed I was not going to get pregnant by him because in the 10 years of us being together, I never got pregnant & especially because a doctor told him he basically had no sperm & yes I was there. I hate myself for not being an independent person and becoming so dependent on him to do anything & everything in my everyday life. I feel like failure & I want to be dead. I hate that I had everything planned out to leave him & then shortly I suddenly got pregnant. I was beyond upset when I found out. All I did was cry. I just wasn’t able to do that abortion. I really should have. I beyond regret becoming a mom & I can’t express how much I seriously hate myself & my life. I have love for my 6month old son but I just can’t. I want to leave or runaway. I can’t be a mom. I really can’t but I am. I take care of him. I make sure he’s okay and happy but inside I’m dead. I really wish I stronger & had that abortion. All this did was tie me to him for ever & have regret of having a baby. I hate myself. I’m f**ken stupid. Now it’s going to be way harder to leave. I still love his dad & his dad is a great dad to him but he’s horrible to me & we can’t be together. Mentally I’m just really exhausted right now. Everyday I wish I could go back in time and save myself from motherhood & him. How could I do this to myself. I’m so disappointed. I’m only 26 & I regret not getting to live my best life during my 20s. I wanted to be that free girl so bad. All that is gone now. So much regret & so much pain.

Mariposa209 Report

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SheDeM

SheDeM

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1 year ago

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If the hubs is horrible and you're miserable, file for a divorce and give him custody. Visit with your son once a week or something. It won't help your child for you to stay in this situation.

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I won't go through all the specifics of the situation, but essentially a hormone spiral got displaced and so wasn't effective.

I don't want the kid to grow up without a father and feel ashamed if I would just leave my GF and the child. My GF is 50-50 on keeping the child.

My GF and I fight all the time, so staying together with a child is not a reasonable environment to give a child

I'm mentally ill (autism), which is highly inheritable

I wouldn't want for anyone else to suffer from that kind of handicap

My mental illness means I'm not sure how much of a father figure I can be

She comes from a marginalised upbringing and has her own baggage

The first point was enough for me to break things off romantically, which she has not taken lightly. I still care for her, but our situation is just miserable, even without a child.

Breaking up now gives up 7 months to establish more formal and friendly relations that can hopefully work for the child. She doesn't see it that way, but was hoping that a baby would bring us together.

We're not stuck in an apartment under lockdown broken up with no places to go and I can hear her crying in the room next to me. All I want to do is go hug her.

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Aline

Aline

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1 year ago

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Your instincts are right, break up now. If she thinks having a baby will bring you together, she may have fallen pregnant on purpose, but even if not, a partner or coparent who dismisses your side of the situation, your feelings and fears, is not going to be a good partner. Your consent is just as important as hers.

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The moment I (27F) found out I was pregnant I cried for days in disappointment wondering how I could be so stupid. My partner however cried tears of joy. We’ve been married some time, have a nice home and stable jobs so this just seemed like it would be the next step. We had talked about it before and agreed we both wanted a kid at some stage. I’m now pregnant and I never thought i’d be in a position where I’d want an abortion but here I am. I don’t know if my relationship could survive an abortion as all we do is fight over the baby, over money and just everything whereas before we had the perfect, fun and carefree relationship. I tell him that I feel like my life is over and I get told I’m being hurtful and dramatic. I lived a lifestyle before this (and pre COVID) of travelling, partying and spending my money on whatever I damned please. We earn very good wages where we have the luxury to buy what we want and go out frequently but with a kid in the mix that won’t be possible. I will happily admit I’ve come to the conclusion I’m too selfish for this. I am so scared of becoming a regretful parent but I am more scared of the voice inside my head telling me to get the abortion and to lie and say I miscarried. I find myself laying awake at night praying for a miscarriage but I know I’m not that lucky. I feel like it isn’t normal to be thinking like that but I’m scared of taking this baby away from my husband who wants this so much.

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The moment I got pregnant I wasn’t even happy like I thought I’d be. I couldn’t eat the entire time, I was so starved he took all my weight. When he was born you could see my bones. When I saw him for the first time he was just a strange being laying on me, I didn’t care about him, I just wanted my partner to hold my hand but I understood they were just watching our son. It seemed like everyone cared until he came, nobody wanted to see me or him.

I always feel alone, yet way too touched out. I’ve been angry for a long time and he only makes me even more angry. He’s not even three months yet so I don’t know if it’s just my postpartum depression, but I just know I hate this life. My mom always said meeting your baby is so magical and you’ll feel instant love, my friend in a different state got pregnant and she adores her son and always posts about him. I don’t understand how, i even tried tricking myself to be happy.

I regret him because I miss being by myself, I miss showers, I miss going places without diaper bags, I miss not worrying about being the lady with an annoying crying slobbering baby. I wanted an abortion 3 times. My partner always said they’d kill themselves if their child died… Now I do most of the work, the house will never be clean if I don’t do it.

My cousin thinks I feel this way just because my partner doesn’t help a ton but honestly if I didn’t have my son I would’ve done everything differently. I know I love my son, but I shouldn’t have had him at 18.

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