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“I Screamed At My Husband Over His Hobbies And Now He’s Changed And I Don’t Know How To Fix This”
Sometimes couples get their wires crossed. In the heat of the moment, tempers can flare and things can be said that are almost immediately regretted. Depending on the strength of the relationship, amends can be made, or things can suddenly go south.
For one woman, she was filled with regret after she freaked out at her husband over his hobbies before unleashing a wave of verbal abuse. Nothing could have prepared her for her husband’s reaction, and now she’s wondering whether they’re headed for divorce.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Even the healthiest romantic relationships can falter, but this wife fears she went too far
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her introverted husband has a hobby room that he loves inviting her into, but one day she’d had enough
Image credits: Explain_Like_Im_3 / Reddit (not the actual photo)
She freaked out at him, calling his hobbies stupid, telling him he needs a social life, and, worst of all, questioning why she ever married him
Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her husband didn’t react well, moving to sleeping on the couch, ignoring his hobbies, and picking up a workaholic habit made famous by his father
Image credits: ThrowRApineapplesp
The woman has apologized multiple times but, fearing divorce, turned to the web to ask for relationship advice
OP begins her story by asking the community for their advice on a situation with her husband. Apparently, the couple has been married for 4 years, and her husband has a room for all his hobbies – everything from sim racing to LEGO sets. It’s basically his sanctuary. She also shares that he’s on the spectrum and doesn’t have any close friends.
She goes on to say that he’s always inviting her to be a part of his interests and, while she loves him and appreciates that he wants to include her, sometimes she just needs some time to herself. Well, recently she snapped and told her husband that his interests bore her, he needs to get a social life and, perhaps most hurtfully, she even questioned why she married him.
Well, since the incident, OP says her husband has completely changed. He’s moved to sleeping on the couch, never goes into his man cave, and has started working at home, something the couple had agreed on not ever doing. He’s even ignored the couple’s longstanding tradition of watching their nation’s football games together.
OP says she’s apologized to him multiple times, but her husband remains unmoved. Now she’s terrified he’s going to divorce her but doesn’t know how to rebuild the trust between them. At her wits’ end, she turned to Reddit for advice on how to make things right.
From what she tells us in her post, OP definitely messed up. Her hurtful comments have forced her already neurodiverse husband to withdraw and, perhaps, question the marriage himself. If you’ve ever been in a meaningful relationship, you can probably relate. After all, everyone has their bad days and breaking points. But what’s the best next move for OP?
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
First, let’s consider that OP’s husband is an introvert. His hobbies are likely very important to him, since, according to this article for Introvert, Dear, hobbies are a kind of meditation. They can offer a sense of control amidst the chaos of life, they guarantee alone time, they’re good for your brain, and, well, they’re fun.
In her article for Positive Psychology, Nicole Celestine writes that, once considered a mere toy, LEGO therapy is now also being used by children and adults alike to overcome stress and behavioral issues.
The use of LEGO as a therapeutic intervention was discovered by accident by psychologist Daniel LeGoff in 2004.
LeGoff’s eureka moment arrived when he witnessed two of his socially withdrawn child patients playing together with LEGO in the waiting room. This sparked the idea of using the humble bricks, first invented in 1936, to encourage play therapy, teaching kids with ASD valuable lessons like turn-taking, sharing, conversing, and problem-solving.
Perhaps OP can try smoothing things over by going shopping for an extra-large LEGO set that the couple can work on together, because her words don’t appear to be rebuilding anything.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think the couple’s relationship is doomed? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers doubted the woman could ever come back from this and criticized her for belittling her husband so harshly for just wanting to share his life with her
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What do you think ?
Captain Grump 1 month ago
One doesn't normally drop the "questioning the marriage" bomb out of nowhere, even in a flash of anger. And it's pretty hard to get that toothpaste back in the tube once it's out. Assuming OP just said something really stupid in anger, she still needs do a lot of work to figure out why she snapped at her husband who did absolutely nothing wrong but be himself and try to include her. (Maybe he's a bit clueless, and couldn't take polite "no thanks" cues, but even so her reaction was pretty needlessly nuclear.) While she works on herself, she needs to give her husband time to reengage on his own timeline. We don't get to hurt people then demand they accept our apology and move on. We can only show good faith atonement and be patient in the hope that things can be eventually discussed and moved past.
Jay Scales 1 month ago
This is the best analysis I've read on this. WHY was she so horribly angry? You need to deal with feelings/problems long BEFORE you get to the 'nuclear' stage! She's deeply hurt his whole being & whether this marriage can be fixed depends largely on his ability and will to move on. Being uber supportive and kind is her only option. The rest is up to him.
Load More Replies...
Enlee Jones 1 month ago
***...and even questioned why I married him*** Now he's questioning why he married you, and you don't get to question why when he gives you the divorce papers.
Mad McQueen 1 month ago
Go buy him something for his collection. And also something that is interesting to you a would be to him to explore as a mutual hobby. Then tell him you are sorry but just want to try again an explore something together to make special that you can share. I'm sure he's hurting not enjoying his interests. You wounded someone that tried so hard to have hobbies an took the joy from him with whatever you said. It might work. You might be single soon. Words spoken cannot be unsaid.
Captain Grump 1 month ago
One doesn't normally drop the "questioning the marriage" bomb out of nowhere, even in a flash of anger. And it's pretty hard to get that toothpaste back in the tube once it's out. Assuming OP just said something really stupid in anger, she still needs do a lot of work to figure out why she snapped at her husband who did absolutely nothing wrong but be himself and try to include her. (Maybe he's a bit clueless, and couldn't take polite "no thanks" cues, but even so her reaction was pretty needlessly nuclear.) While she works on herself, she needs to give her husband time to reengage on his own timeline. We don't get to hurt people then demand they accept our apology and move on. We can only show good faith atonement and be patient in the hope that things can be eventually discussed and moved past.
Jay Scales 1 month ago
This is the best analysis I've read on this. WHY was she so horribly angry? You need to deal with feelings/problems long BEFORE you get to the 'nuclear' stage! She's deeply hurt his whole being & whether this marriage can be fixed depends largely on his ability and will to move on. Being uber supportive and kind is her only option. The rest is up to him.
Load More Replies... Enlee Jones 1 month ago
***...and even questioned why I married him*** Now he's questioning why he married you, and you don't get to question why when he gives you the divorce papers.
Mad McQueen 1 month ago
Go buy him something for his collection. And also something that is interesting to you a would be to him to explore as a mutual hobby. Then tell him you are sorry but just want to try again an explore something together to make special that you can share. I'm sure he's hurting not enjoying his interests. You wounded someone that tried so hard to have hobbies an took the joy from him with whatever you said. It might work. You might be single soon. Words spoken cannot be unsaid.
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