According to an old saying, it’s best to avoid discussing religion, politics, s*x, and money in public, as they may lead to heated arguments and hurt feelings.

In a relationship, however, open and honest dialogue about these topics is essential for building understanding, trust, and long-term compatibility.

A post on the subreddit r/AmIOverreacting recently sparked a heated debate about national loyalty. Its author, a Canadian woman, shared that her American boyfriend is unhappy with her decision to boycott travel to the U.S. in response to recent tensions between the two countries.

Unsure whether to continue standing by her principles, she’s asking others to share their take on the situation.

Recent U.S. elections have polarized both political parties, but they seem to be affecting international couples as well

Image credits: stockbusters/Envato (not the actual photo)

As this Canadian shared the moral challenges she now faces in a relationship with her American boyfriend

Image credits: GaudiLab/Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: anonymous

Not many couples have different political beliefs

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In a new University of Michigan study, researchers analyzed data from more than 4,000 people to see how common it is for partners to differ politically, what factors might lead to such differences, and how these differences affect their relationships.

Nearly 1 in 4 couples (23%) had different political party affiliations, and less than 8% were made up of one Democrat and one Republican. This means that most couples in the study shared similar political beliefs, whether it was their party preference or overall political ideology, said the study’s lead author Amie Gordon, U-M assistant professor of psychology.

Interestingly, factors like education, income, personality, and how long people had been together did not strongly predict whether they would have different political views.

However, couples who did have differing political views had slightly lower relationship quality. This effect was noticeable in everyday interactions as well as overall relationship satisfaction.

Gordon, who co-authored the paper with graduate students Annika From of U-M and Maria Luciani of the University of California, Berkeley, highlighted other things matter more for relationship quality—such as perceptions of overall similarity and shared values—than whether someone is politically different from a partner or not.

But even when they do, experts think they should be able to find common ground

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Dr. Jeanne Safer, psychotherapist and author of I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics, agrees. She thinks political beliefs shouldn’t be the primary focus in choosing a life partner, nor should they dominate your relationship.

“It’s very important for people to expose themselves to those who disagree. It will expand your horizons,” says Safer, who recently celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary with journalist Richard Brookhiser, all while holding opposing political beliefs.

If political identity is particularly important to someone, Safer advises to keep the news cycles respectfully limited. This, according to her, applies both ways.

“I had a couple, who after many years of marriage, came to me because they were ready to break up. They were thoughtful and cared about each other. They had gone through a lot of difficulties together,” she says. “However, the husband became a conservative later in life. Even if you marry someone who has the same politics as you, it doesn’t mean they’re going to have it many years later… And they were ready for a divorce because, in their big house, he was taping Fox News in the basement. The wife said, ‘It comes through the air and pollutes the house.'”

“I said, ‘You have to stop this, it’s his house too. He has a right to listen to it, though he doesn’t have the right to blast it. Get used to the fact that he’s a different person than you, or you’re going to lose your marriage,'” Safer recalls of the sessions. “You know what was amazing? They stopped.”

Marriage, Safer explains, is the coming together of two equals with different thoughts and perceptions of the world—the ability to see that helps couples settle their arguments and move forward.

The woman has received a lot of support in the comments

But some people agree with her boyfriend

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