Yep. She just doesn't like the idea of not having a father to walk her down the aisle. She's just using him to make her wedding 'fit' her ideal. What kind of a person does this to someone who brought them up? That they thought was their real dad until 15? Not his fault that he wasn't. She's not worth it.

I agree, but I also think just because someone shouts something devastating in an argument, it shoild not blight everybody's life. It sounds like she was in a crisis and she and her Dad didn't communicate well. Imo, it's more her behaviour after that fight that is relevant. And in the end, the OP can decide what is good for him and what isn't. He's not an asshole for not wanting reconciliation if it endangers his mental health.

While 20 is an adult, it's still pretty young. I might be inclined to give the relationship another shot if I were in his shoes because of that, but after the wedding. Just popping back in because she wants him to playact a role would rankle with me, too, and it doesn't sound like she's matured a whole lot. So given that it was so devastating the last time she left, it might be better for him to walk away rather than risk that heartbreak again. I can see why he's asking for some reassurance that it's the right thing to do, though. He was her dad for a long time. That was a baby he held in his arms and thought was his. She was being an immature kid at a low point in her 20 year old life, when a lot of people are flailing about. I'd need to see something better from her before trying again, though, if I were him.

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So when you were 20, you treated everyone perfectly? Imagine if you were 15 and found out the person you thought was your dad was not actually your biological dad. I don't think the guy in this situation is the asshole, but I also want to know more about the daughter's perspective.

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Well, she was very immature when she said she wanted to cut ties, if she changed her mind when she'd grown up a bit, then at that point most people would forgive her and have one more loving relationship in their lives. He's chosen to refuse love and forgiveness, and I don't think the choice will bring him happiness. I also don't think it will help his relationship with the biological son he prefers, the son is seeing his sister feel rejected and heartbroken.

Getting to know her 'other dad' who caused so much pain to her family and caused her family to no longer exist (yes, yes, with the cheating wife; one issue at a time), is absolutely fine; if you're kind of amoral. I think the daughter is the kind of person that would find otherdad to be more of a kindred spirit, than 'not-narcissist dad' who was always there.