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Woman Expects Her SIL To Pause Her Life As Her Mom Died, Can’t Believe She’s Going To A Concert
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Woman Expects Her SIL To Pause Her Life As Her Mom Died, Can’t Believe She’s Going To A Concert

Woman Expects Her SIL To Pause Her Life As Her Mom Died, Can’t Believe She’s Going To A ConcertGrieving Woman Expects SIL To Help Her Grieve, Goes Mad When She Goes To A ConcertWoman Gets Baselessly Berated For Going To A Concert While Her SIL Is Grieving Her MomWoman Gets Unjustifiably Berated By Grieving SIL After Choosing To Go To Concert After SIL’s Mom’s DeathWoman Wonders If She’s Terrible For Going To A Concert While SIL Is In Initial Stages Of GriefWoman Questions If She’s A Bad Person For Going To Concert While Her SIL Is Grieving Her MomWoman Wonders If She’s A Terrible Person For Going To The Concert While Her SIL Is Grieving Her MomWoman Expects Her SIL To Pause Her Life As Her Mom Died, Can’t Believe She’s Going To A ConcertWoman Expects Her SIL To Pause Her Life As Her Mom Died, Can’t Believe She’s Going To A ConcertWoman Expects Her SIL To Pause Her Life As Her Mom Died, Can’t Believe She’s Going To A Concert
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Most of us have something we can’t wait to have happen. It can vary from a career or life change to waiting for a certain event, like a celebration of an occasion or concert. 

Today’s OP was one of these people. She couldn’t wait to attend a concert, Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour, to be more specific. Then, her sister-in-law’s mom died and she expected the original poster to support her nearly 24/7. So, when the woman said she was still attending the concert, the SIL almost exploded in anger.

More info: Reddit

Grief is a complicated matter that not only confuses the person themselves but can strain their relationships too

Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

For over a year, a woman had been preparing to attend The Eras Tour making bracelets, picking out her outfit, and so on

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Image credits: Fellipe Ditadi / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Then, days before the concert date, her sister-in-law lost her mother, which led to her needing a lot of help during such a hard time

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Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

The woman helped her brother’s wife however she could but didn’t cancel the concert trip, which angered the sister-in-law when she learned about it

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Image credits: Lower-Let9945

The sister-in-law expressed that she hoped everyone would abandon the woman after her mother died, just like she did to her

The OP has a sister-in-law Grace, whose mom recently died. So, the original poster went over to her place to help – she did laundry, made dinner, and prepped wraps and casseroles for later. With all of that, she stayed there until 2 AM. 

The next morning, she received a call from her sister-in-law asking her to come over again, but the author refused to do so. She had stuff planned to do before she left for Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour concert in Indianapolis, the last stop of the tour in the United States

This explanation confused Grace. She asked whether the OP was actually still going to the concert and received a confirmation. Then, she got mad. She couldn’t believe that the author would even consider going to the concert when, in her words, she had just become an orphan. 

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Naturally, the original poster felt sorry and promised to spend time with her SIL right after she got back. But she couldn’t skip the concert – she bought the tickets over a year ago and getting them was no easy thing. 

Ticketmaster, which was selling the tickets to these shows in the US, messed up so badly with the sales that some fans ended up suing them. They claimed that the platform kept kicking them out of the queue, which furthered them from a chance to get reasonably priced tickets. One fan said that it happened 41 times for them. Then, when they were finally able to get to the queue’s end, the tickets cost something like $1,400. 

And that’s just one fan’s experience. Plus, the queue problem wasn’t the only one – overall, Ticketmaster was accused of intentional deception, price fixing, fraud, and antitrust.

Getting the ticket wasn’t the only preparation the OP did. She also prepared a specific outfit, made friendship bracelets to trade with other Swifties, and overall was looking forward to it a lot. After all, she had been a fan of Taylor Swift since her “Red” album, which was released in 2012 (unless she was talking about the re-release, which happened in 2021). 

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In addition to all this anticipation, the author’s friends were going with her and were counting on her for a hotel, car rental, and similar things. So, her canceling this trip would impact them too. 

Image credits: Stephen Mease / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Still, the original poster’s apology wasn’t enough for the SIL. She went off saying that she hoped that when the OP’s mom died, everyone would abandon her, just as she felt abandoned then. 

Feeling abandoned after losing a loved one is a normal feeling. Here, on Quora, one woman shared how she, just like the OP’s SIL, felt like an orphan after she lost her parents. She said that no matter how prepared for the loss you are, sometimes it’s simply not enough. 

Knowing that the sister-in-law in the story didn’t have anyone in her blood family besides her late mom makes it even more understandable why she felt abandoned. Now she only has her husband and his family. 

The grieving woman also felt mad, which led to her snapping, which is also understandable knowing her circumstances – grief tends to make people angry

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So, the OP didn’t take her sister-in-law’s words to heart, as she remembered how chaotic she acted when she lost her dad. But quite a few netizens did take it to heart. They were insulted on the author’s behalf by the SIL’s words wishing for her abandonment. 

After all, the original poster didn’t completely abandon her sister-in-law – she took care of her the first day, but she should be allowed to resume her life, especially when it comes to such an anticipated event. So, her actions were kind of justifiable and she shouldn’t feel too guilty. 

At the same time, other netizens thought that some of the folks were too harsh on the SIL. It should be taken into account that she was in the initial grieving stages and might have been reacting to things a bit irrationally. After some time she might be able to rethink the whole situation and realize how hurtful her words were. 

Well, let’s hope she does and that the women will be able to fix their relationship without too much chaos and hurt for both them and the people around them.

The woman still headed out to the concert, but then was riddled with guilt, which netizens said she shouldn’t feel, seeing how nasty her sister-in-law was to her

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Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

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Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

Read less »

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

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Nina
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's tough to understand, but the simple truth is that when someone you adore dies, the world doesn't stop turning. It feels like everyone should feel the way you do and the pain should overcome everyone, but that's not how it works. Her mum was her mum, not anyone else's. She's grieving; that doesn't mean everyone else's lives don't continue because she's grieving. That also doesn't mean she gets to be a cow about it either.

Captain Grump
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well put. And OP did go "above and beyond" by staying late and offering practical and emotional support before her trip, at the cost of her own needed sleep.

Load More Replies...
Min
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No Aśsholes Here. OP is obviously NTA and her SIL gets a one-time-only pass due to grief.

Joanne Mendonza-Earle
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I laughed in my mother's face when, at age 62, her mother/my grandmother died and she wailed, 'I'M AN ORPHAN!' I was like, 'you're a 62 year old woman. You are NOT an orphan!' Such a huge pet peeve. After 18 you are an adult and not an orphan.

Amy Roberts
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We all become orphans eventually, (unless bad luck goes against the natural order and a parent has to bury a child.) I’ve got no issue with the term personally.

Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Emotional blackmail is one way to make sure you go low contact, she is going to hold this over you forever - she has a husband, that's family - you are not a blood relation.

XenoMurph
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How judgemental. A person doesn't even get a hint of sympathy when their parent dies? Just "go low contact". "she is going to hold this over you forever".... bloody hell, where's your compassion and understanding that it's a tough time and doesn't define you as a person.

Load More Replies...
Upstaged75
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF?? I love my SIL and we're friends. But when her father died she never expected that I would do anything for her. He wasn't MY relative. That's what my brother, as her husband, was there for. And her sister and their mom and other relatives. The SIL in this situation sounds like she has some boundary issues. Just because you marry in to a family it doesn't make your entire family theirs. That's weird.

Janelle Collard
Community Member
Premium
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the amount of money OP has probably already spent to see the Eras Tour, she's soooo not the AH. Someone dies, the world keeps spinning + *other* people still live their lives.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is being remarkably mature about having someone tell her she hopes her mom dies. Even if I didn't have somewhere to be, that would warrant needing some space. People say awful things in grief, but you don't have to stick around and be a punching bag. Doing laundry and setting up meals was a really kind thing to do, and she's not leaving her alone but with her husband. Hopefully SIL makes some amends as she gets through her grief and it's not just that stress has revealed her true colours.

Lyoness
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just to clarify OP said in a response that the SIL said "when" her Mum dies, not that she hoped OP's Mum would die.

Load More Replies...
Matthew Barabas
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you shouldnt pause your life just because someone died. especially since you, well, cant.

Gen X Feral
Community Member
4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh hell no. I mean I'm barely a fan of TS, but even I know you don't bail on going. That funeral directors comment has me throwing fits though, about people calling themselves orphans after 18. He can get fcked, judgy ahole. I became an orphan at 53, I mean we're weren't super close but still. It's the worst feeling in the world like I've lost my anchor and I'm adrift and alone 😭

LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was MY first thought too. She's not an orphan. It's pretty well-accepted that only *children* become orphans when their parents die. Otherwise the WORLD is full of orphans since, you know, parents generally die before their children do (for the most part.)

Load More Replies...
A girl
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grief is really personal. No right or wrong way to express it. My husband was out of town when my mom passed. Actually, he was out of town when my brother passed too. Commercial building construction guy. He couldn't just drop everything to come home. He tied up loose ends and was back a couple days later. The whole death thing is really unpleasant but not unbearable. I give SIL a pass because nothing can prepare you for how you'll respond to losing someone.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A definite NTA from the peanut gallery over here. OP was kind enough to show their support in plenty of other ways before their trip. I don't think that they should feel guilty for going at all. It's not like you ignored SIL. You went over and helped her and were there for her until it was time to leave. I know that she's upset and grieving but she kinda was overly dramatic about this whole thing. Even nasty and Ungrateful with her comments. I've lost loved ones and never in my life have I ever been nasty to someone who was kind to me like she was to OP. It's like saying f**k you instead of thank you. She still has a husband and other people who are there for here's well. Once things calm down I hope she realizes that she kinda was a bit obnoxious with her comments towards OP. I also find it odd that she,as a grown adult woman tells anyone that she's an orphan/ alone in the world. Maybe it's the grief but she's an adult. If she was a kid who had nobody it would be different but that's overly dramatic once again. This is going to sound messed up and some people are going to get upset but that's a them problem, here goes yes,she's your SIL. She married into the family and you are kind and compassionate for all the thing you did for her but I can almost bet you barely know her side of the family. I bet you barely if ever see them either and 99% of them are strangers to you. She doesn't understand that a lot of people see it that way. She's your SIL but that's her family. It's not your family. I commend you for helping her. She once things calm down hopefully will apologize for her rude comments and realize that you did show support. Maybe she will make ammends. Don't apologize to her for anything. You did nothing wrong.

A Jones
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, they were still able to support them with the limited amount of time before their endeavor.

Lyoness
Community Member
4 days ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I know I'll get downvoted but this seems like a weird hill to die on. If my SIL's parent died I wouldn't care how much money I'd spent on an event, I wouldn't go. It's a concert, FFS. But... 1. I'm also exceptionally close to my SIL and 2. Will never understand flying somewhere to spend even more on a ticket and food and hotel to go to a concert. But that's only my opinion and I'm not saying OP did anything wrong. I'm just surprised they're willing to lose a relationship for a concert, because I can't see her SIL forgiving this, rational or not. The SIL asked for OP's support and was told by OP's actions that the concert was more important. It's sad.

Nina
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's tough to understand, but the simple truth is that when someone you adore dies, the world doesn't stop turning. It feels like everyone should feel the way you do and the pain should overcome everyone, but that's not how it works. Her mum was her mum, not anyone else's. She's grieving; that doesn't mean everyone else's lives don't continue because she's grieving. That also doesn't mean she gets to be a cow about it either.

Captain Grump
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well put. And OP did go "above and beyond" by staying late and offering practical and emotional support before her trip, at the cost of her own needed sleep.

Load More Replies...
Min
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No Aśsholes Here. OP is obviously NTA and her SIL gets a one-time-only pass due to grief.

Joanne Mendonza-Earle
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I laughed in my mother's face when, at age 62, her mother/my grandmother died and she wailed, 'I'M AN ORPHAN!' I was like, 'you're a 62 year old woman. You are NOT an orphan!' Such a huge pet peeve. After 18 you are an adult and not an orphan.

Amy Roberts
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We all become orphans eventually, (unless bad luck goes against the natural order and a parent has to bury a child.) I’ve got no issue with the term personally.

Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Emotional blackmail is one way to make sure you go low contact, she is going to hold this over you forever - she has a husband, that's family - you are not a blood relation.

XenoMurph
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How judgemental. A person doesn't even get a hint of sympathy when their parent dies? Just "go low contact". "she is going to hold this over you forever".... bloody hell, where's your compassion and understanding that it's a tough time and doesn't define you as a person.

Load More Replies...
Upstaged75
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF?? I love my SIL and we're friends. But when her father died she never expected that I would do anything for her. He wasn't MY relative. That's what my brother, as her husband, was there for. And her sister and their mom and other relatives. The SIL in this situation sounds like she has some boundary issues. Just because you marry in to a family it doesn't make your entire family theirs. That's weird.

Janelle Collard
Community Member
Premium
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the amount of money OP has probably already spent to see the Eras Tour, she's soooo not the AH. Someone dies, the world keeps spinning + *other* people still live their lives.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is being remarkably mature about having someone tell her she hopes her mom dies. Even if I didn't have somewhere to be, that would warrant needing some space. People say awful things in grief, but you don't have to stick around and be a punching bag. Doing laundry and setting up meals was a really kind thing to do, and she's not leaving her alone but with her husband. Hopefully SIL makes some amends as she gets through her grief and it's not just that stress has revealed her true colours.

Lyoness
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just to clarify OP said in a response that the SIL said "when" her Mum dies, not that she hoped OP's Mum would die.

Load More Replies...
Matthew Barabas
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you shouldnt pause your life just because someone died. especially since you, well, cant.

Gen X Feral
Community Member
4 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh hell no. I mean I'm barely a fan of TS, but even I know you don't bail on going. That funeral directors comment has me throwing fits though, about people calling themselves orphans after 18. He can get fcked, judgy ahole. I became an orphan at 53, I mean we're weren't super close but still. It's the worst feeling in the world like I've lost my anchor and I'm adrift and alone 😭

LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was MY first thought too. She's not an orphan. It's pretty well-accepted that only *children* become orphans when their parents die. Otherwise the WORLD is full of orphans since, you know, parents generally die before their children do (for the most part.)

Load More Replies...
A girl
Community Member
4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Grief is really personal. No right or wrong way to express it. My husband was out of town when my mom passed. Actually, he was out of town when my brother passed too. Commercial building construction guy. He couldn't just drop everything to come home. He tied up loose ends and was back a couple days later. The whole death thing is really unpleasant but not unbearable. I give SIL a pass because nothing can prepare you for how you'll respond to losing someone.

notlikeyou1971
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A definite NTA from the peanut gallery over here. OP was kind enough to show their support in plenty of other ways before their trip. I don't think that they should feel guilty for going at all. It's not like you ignored SIL. You went over and helped her and were there for her until it was time to leave. I know that she's upset and grieving but she kinda was overly dramatic about this whole thing. Even nasty and Ungrateful with her comments. I've lost loved ones and never in my life have I ever been nasty to someone who was kind to me like she was to OP. It's like saying f**k you instead of thank you. She still has a husband and other people who are there for here's well. Once things calm down I hope she realizes that she kinda was a bit obnoxious with her comments towards OP. I also find it odd that she,as a grown adult woman tells anyone that she's an orphan/ alone in the world. Maybe it's the grief but she's an adult. If she was a kid who had nobody it would be different but that's overly dramatic once again. This is going to sound messed up and some people are going to get upset but that's a them problem, here goes yes,she's your SIL. She married into the family and you are kind and compassionate for all the thing you did for her but I can almost bet you barely know her side of the family. I bet you barely if ever see them either and 99% of them are strangers to you. She doesn't understand that a lot of people see it that way. She's your SIL but that's her family. It's not your family. I commend you for helping her. She once things calm down hopefully will apologize for her rude comments and realize that you did show support. Maybe she will make ammends. Don't apologize to her for anything. You did nothing wrong.

A Jones
Community Member
3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, they were still able to support them with the limited amount of time before their endeavor.

Lyoness
Community Member
4 days ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I know I'll get downvoted but this seems like a weird hill to die on. If my SIL's parent died I wouldn't care how much money I'd spent on an event, I wouldn't go. It's a concert, FFS. But... 1. I'm also exceptionally close to my SIL and 2. Will never understand flying somewhere to spend even more on a ticket and food and hotel to go to a concert. But that's only my opinion and I'm not saying OP did anything wrong. I'm just surprised they're willing to lose a relationship for a concert, because I can't see her SIL forgiving this, rational or not. The SIL asked for OP's support and was told by OP's actions that the concert was more important. It's sad.

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