Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Interview With Expert

Coping with a death in the family is generally not easy. There’s the emotional aspect of grief. And there are the practicalities that need to be sorted. Then, of course, there’s honoring their last wishes, which often come in the form of a will and testament.

One woman caused quite a bit of confusion when she cut her son out of her inheritance and left his share to her granddaughter instead. She also penned an explosive letter before her death, unearthing a long-held family secret that her son had been keeping all along. The granddaughter is torn between keeping her inheritance and the dark secret, or sharing it with her father and brother. She turned to the internet for advice. Bored Panda reached out to Dale Sperling, the CMO of Trust & Will, a company specialising in estate planning. She gave us her opinion on the matter.

We can choose to take secrets to our grave, or we can reveal them before we die

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: Jessika Arraes / Pexels (not the actual photo)

This woman’s grandmother spoke to her from beyond the grave by dropping a bombshell in the form of a letter

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: combientu

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: Aaron Burden / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

“Secrets can ripple through generations”: an expert weighs in

“This story is a poignant reminder of how secrets and unresolved family dynamics can ripple through generations,” said Dale Sperling during our interview. “While the grandmother’s letter provides clarity, it also unveils a hidden truth that could deeply affect the family.”

Sperling added that the granddaughter’s decision to honor her grandmother’s wishes shows respect for the estate plan. “However, she should weigh whether withholding the letter’s content protects her family or perpetuates the secrecy that caused this situation. Transparency can sometimes heal wounds, but it may also open new ones,” added the estate planning expert.

She said that in situations such as these, it’s crucial to balance respect for the deceased’s wishes with the emotional well-being of the family. “Consulting with a neutral third party, such as a therapist or estate mediator, can help navigate such sensitive decisions,” suggested Sperling.

“An important takeaway is the value of open communication while drafting an estate plan,” she added. “Addressing family concerns early can prevent misunderstandings and disputes.”

It’s not unusual for people to write letters that are meant to be read after their death

Sperling told Bored Panda that it’s common for people to leave letters for their loved ones. “These letters often serve as a way to express sentiments that may have been difficult to articulate during life, explain decisions made in the estate plan, or share final messages of love and guidance,” she said.

But added that letters can be a “double-edged sword”. “While some letters bring closure and comfort, others might inadvertently stir conflict, especially if they reveal long-held secrets or contain emotionally charged explanations,” warned Sperling.

Tammy McDonald is a life coach who specializes in grief and loss. She recommends that people plan ahead and gift their loved ones with a letter that they can treasure forever. McDonald suggests including things like ‘I love you’. Or an apology for leaving them. You can also ask for forgiveness, give forgiveness, release them to live their lives, comfort them, and of course, say goodbye.

“The letter isn’t about you or your death. It is about your loving your family and wanting to care for them even after you are gone,” said McDonald. The life coach says you should be mindful of what you write, and warns against leaving negative messages that could cause pain or confusion.

“Once our physical body takes its last breath and the heart beats the last time, things on earth are no longer about us. They shift to being about comforting those who are left behind,” she said. Some of the things McDonald believes you should avoid are noting the flaws or failures of loved ones, pitting family members against each another, blaming, attacking or having a ‘last dig’ at someone.

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

Some people pay big money to confess their secrets after they die

Bill Edgar considers himself a ‘concierge for the dying’, and helps carry out people’s final wishes. Sometimes this means making sure a secret stays buried, other times it’s to let the skeletons out of the closet. In 2020, he was charging a flat fee of 10,000 Australian dollars for his unique services.

The private investigator, who hails from Australia, got dubbed the ‘Coffin Confessor’ after he started gatecrashing funerals and dropping bombshells left, right and center. “I don’t just crash a funeral to let loose on the bad stuff. I’ve let some beautiful messages go, or some really funny ones, or I’ve done a face-to-face delivering gifts from the afterlife, things like that.”

Edgar says that everyone goes to the grave with at least one secret. “Every person on the planet has a skeleton in the closet. It’s just a matter (of) if you want to let it out or not,” he said. “It could be good, bad, funny or sad, it doesn’t matter what it is.” The “Coffin Confessor” says he once had to tell mourners at a biker’s funeral that his client was gay. And his lover was in the audience.

Not everyone agrees with spilling the beans after your death. Psychologist Shona Innes believes people should resolve things while they’re alive. “It’s certainly not healthy,” she said, adding that dropping “a bombshell” from the grave, then leaving grieving relatives to deal with it, could be very dangerous.

“Think about it real hard”: many netizens felt the woman was wrong for not sharing the money

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Other people felt the woman was justified in keeping the entire inheritance

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Some netizens felt that everyone, except the brother, needed a reality check

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

Robyn is an award-winning journalist who has produced work for several international media outlets. Made in Africa and exported to the world, she is obsessed with travel and the allure of new places. A lover of words and visuals, Robyn is part of the Bored Panda writing team. This Panda has two bamboo tattoos: A map of Africa & the words "Be Like The Bamboo... Bend Never Break."

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As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, my favorite part of the job involves browsing the web for the cutest cat pics, the funniest memes and eye-catching illustrations to brighten up your day!

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As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, my favorite part of the job involves browsing the web for the cutest cat pics, the funniest memes and eye-catching illustrations to brighten up your day!

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What do you think ?

POST

Traveling Lady Railfan 2 weeks ago

I have a problem. I met this woman in college, she was pregnant but single. We hit it off, we decided to get married before the baby was born, and I raised him as my own. My father was extremely against our relationship, refused to speak with me ever again, and never met my kids. I never told my adopted son (and later, my biological daughter) that he wasn't my biological son. After my father died, my mother reached out to us, and she became part of our family life; the kids loved having a grandma & I thought things were good. Mom just passed away, and I was informed that her estate will be divided into three (between my sister number one, my sister number two, and my daughter... the only biological heir). Even after all these years being part of the family again, looks like my mom never didn't accept me, my wife or son. All inheritance is going to our daughter, and she refuses to share it with her brother. AITH for being upset about this?

102points

Ace 2 weeks ago

Thank you for the re-write - that was how I thought it sounded too, but you saved me havig to piece all the bits together. Sounds like Grandad and Grandma were huge AHs and that daughter (OP) has inherited their AHolery.

40points

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Stacy s 2 weeks ago

OP is a giant A-hole. She is acting like the fact her dad stepped up and became a non-bio father to her brother starting before he was born is somehow 'shameful'' where i see it as wonderful.

59points

LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 weeks ago

I'm adopted. My father always treated me like his daughter - because that's what I WAS. His daughter. And he was my father. And my mother is my mother, and my sister is my sister. They're my family. OP herself says she had no idea about this until now - so obviously her father treated her brother like a son (which he IS.) Technically she is under no LEGAL obligation to share the money that her grandmother left to her or to tell her father and brother WHY her father was circumvented in the will, but morally and ethically she is a d-bag and a horrible person (in my opinion) if she doesn't at least let her dad KNOW why this happened. I cannot even fathom how much her dad must be suffering - NOT because of the money, but he's probably questioning and doubting himself and wondering if he did something horrible to his mother and father.

25points

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Bec 2 weeks ago

I get that she is a little bit in shock but she needs to talk to her dad, she doesn't even know for sure if what she was told is true. We don't know the time of how her father is reaching out. I could understand her father still being left out and is kind of a d**k if he is just trying to get $, but I think she should at least split it with her brother as he is completely innocent regardless. Inheritance turns people into a-hole, she wasn't expecting this $, why is she so entitled to it now?

3points

iseefractals 2 weeks ago

I think it's more the fact that her father lied to her all her (and likely her brothers) lives that's the issue here. I can understand the logic of not telling a child.....but they're not children anymore. Not something you should really have to find out from a third party, and if you do don't try to pretend it wouldn't mess with your head.

0points

amy lee 2 weeks ago (edited)

I agree dad is great for the relationship he has with his son but, I think being stunned by the fact that they kept a huge secret from her, her whole life and finding out in a letter that skews the facts has shocked OP. Then having her dad badgering for the money immediately is mudding the waters more. It's not passed probate and she hasn't even got the money yet... To them call her greedy sounds like he sees it as his.

0points

greenideas 2 weeks ago

Sounds like she just wants to keep the money and is looking for any excuse to do so.

45points

Agat 2 weeks ago

Learning the reasons behind the decades of rejection would be an even stronger argument for me to split the money and give it to my real family. Just in spite of those cruel, idiotic beliefs of my grandparents. I would feel devastated and betrayed on behalf of my brother, and father. I would do anything in my power to show them that I don't accept grandparents' way of thinking in the slightest, and that I feel a new pride to be my father's daughter.

18points

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago (edited)

Would be exactly my reaction. Along with a feeling of fury that my grandmother stabbed my father in the back like that after he'd graciously let her partake in his childrens lives, after she's rejected and hurt him for so many years. Imagine how the dad must feel, realising his mother's behaviour had been a lie for many years, and she really only cared about seeing her biological granddaughter. How cold! I would split the money three way; equal amounts for both siblings and the father. That way they can all invest or spend however they want, and it's a giant f-u to the grandmother, for saying that the brother is less than, and still punishing her father from beyond the grave. It would also communicate that she cares more about her family members than her grandmothers awful beliefs about blood connection. My grandmother was a rejected child and my family was always open about how awful that was for her; I've got a cousin that isn't by blood on that side of the family and my grandmother loved her just as much as any of the rest of us. If any of my family members had behaved like is described above, I would've been furious!

4points

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Lyoness 2 weeks ago (edited)

This is why I hate hearing about people dropping surprises in their wills. FFS, be honest up front. If you're willing to do something this crappy from beyond the grave, have the guts to do it in person. Edited to add that of course there's no legal reason she should share the money but if she doesn't, she'll know the exact dollar value she places on her relationship with her dad and brother.

12points

Steve Sharpe 2 weeks ago

It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly and easily people switch from "oh yeah, family, family is everything, we all look out for each other because that's what family is about, right family?" to abandoning all their morals and throwing their family under the bus all over, what, the few quid left in granddaddy's pocket when he dropped dead in the middle of ASDA? F**k off. Being raised as a ward of the state wasn't perhaps the best experience ever, but when I see this, the never ending horror stories just like it which are always in the media, things that happed to people I know, s**t that's gone on with certain branches of our in-laws etc, it makes me glad that our family consists of only people we love and who choose to be part of it.

11points

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago

The worst part is that this is how a lot of biological families feel too; that they choose eachother. So when someone betrays that for money it is devastating to relationships. It shakes the foundation upon which people built their world.

1point

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FlamingRed 2 weeks ago

Way to make the selfless act your father performed for your brother, whom I assume you loved until you suddenly found out he wasn't your full sibling, all about you, OP.

5points

Deborah B 2 weeks ago

I think this woman probrably knows that her grandparents are a******s, but is looking for an excuse to keep the money - it's probrably going to be a major windfall that pays of any student debt, and lets her put a sizable deposit on a house. But yeah, avoiding discussing it is for sure an a*****e move. She needs to take the letter, and go and have a sitdown with her parents first and get their side of the story. Her grandparents may have been wrong. It could have been "We met, love at first sight, the pregnancy was an accident, but we were thrilled. It happened so fast, and your mum was just out of another relationship - your grandparents never believed the baby was mine." Then they all need to tell her brother. Legally, she can probrably keep the money. But if she doesn't talk to her dad and brother, she's siding with the a******s, and may destroy her family relationships.

4points

Orysha 2 weeks ago

I hope both grandparents died an awful and painful death. They chose to punish their son for being a good man. No good deed remains unpunished indeed. Some traits jump one generation I didn't know as.sholery was one of them. Legallty, there is nothing to be done I think. Morally, OP is wrong at every level.

4points

zububonsai 2 days ago (edited)

This. I came to say the same: "Wai...wait... OP's dad did an absolutely decent and admirable thing...and got... punished for it? What? And then having a biological child being cut of the same a*****e cloth just having 💰💰 eyes?" Poor dad.

0points

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Ur local theatre girl 3 days ago

YTA. Even though your brother is not biologically related to your father, your father is still his dad. He raised your brother. The fact that your grandfather disowned his child after he married a woman he loved, even if she was pregnant with a child at the time, is just messed up. And then on top of that, your grandmother is still upset even though many years have gone by. What gets me is that your family did nothing by wrong. Your father fell in love with your mother, so much that he didn’t care that she was pregnant. Your brother did nothing wrong and has no knowledge he was adopted by your father. And your mother. Why is your grandmother upset with her? Because she was dating another man before your father and realized he wasn’t the one. Again, YTA for drinking the koolaid and choosing money over your family, because of something 30 years ago.

2points

The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 weeks ago

Your dad gave a child a father and treated him like his own - what's the problem? The problem is that OP is a money grabbing scumbag who takes after her grandfather, apparently! YTA MASSIVELY!

2points

Bigmomma 2 weeks ago

So op was close to her brother and dad but now she has money she is like f**k you clearly money means more than family her brother always assumed he was blood so this must be a huge dissapoinment for him to feel the neglect from grandmother despite not knowing what he did wrong at least this shows everyone what op is like

2points

similarly 2 weeks ago

If my father decided to give the inheritance directly to my children, it's really not my place to demand my children give it to me. I wouldn't even ask. That money was never mine. It was my father's to do with as he pleases. Ironically, earlier today, before I ever saw this, I told my wife that if my father chooses to leave everything to my stepmother, I'm fine with it, and if she chooses to leave everything to my sister, I'm still fine with it. They can do what they want with their money. However, I think grandfather was an enormous a*****e. Doesn't matter if the kid is his or not. If he loves the woman and wants to adopt the kid, why not be happy for him?

2points

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago (edited)

The problem is that this money was given to only one grandchild; the biological one - as a final and huge punishment/f**k you to the father. Immediately dismissing any love for the grandchild that wasn't biological, implying that she pretended to care for him to have access to the biological granddaughter. As an extention of that, not sharing the money communicates that the granddaughter agrees with the sentiment.

3points

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Eduarda Vaz-Mourao 1 week ago

Your GD sucks, your GM sucks. Your Dad is the bigger person, your brother is the innocent on all this story. You suck big time for following the steps of two major AH, which turns you into a major AH too

1point

Sarah Ellison 1 week ago

My family lived through this exact situation. Found out my mom is not my grandfather's biological daughter, my grandmother was already pregnant when they met. My grandfather still decided to marry my grandmother and went on to have a daughter (my aunt) with her. We only found out several years after my grandmother's death, and for my mom, so many things in the family started to click. Why she was treated differently by the rest of the family than her sister, etc. Thankfully my grandfather's parents never seemed to have an issue with my mom having a different father, and when inheritance was passed down it was done equally between my mom and her sister. OP is truly horrible to be thinking about continuing her grandparents cruelty and exclusion, especially because although she and her brother don't share a biological father, they share a mother, he is still her brother!!

1point

Bookworm 2 weeks ago

Why do I get the feeling OP has always been entitled/selfish and is now using this bs to continue and not share the inheritance? One of the few times I hope there's a basis on which to challenge the will.

1point

Otto Katz 2 weeks ago

Was there a follow-up? I'd love to know what she decided

1point

Gwyn 2 weeks ago (edited)

This is one of the few inheritance AITAs that I'd consider going against the wishes of the deceased family member. Grandma didn't have to do this and she didn't care that it might break up OPs family. Her "being right" was more important than anything and she still had to stick the knife in at the end. Yes, Dad should have told them the truth, but consider how much judgement and pain he got from his parents- obviously he'd be hesitant to be open about it. If Dad and Bro are good people I'd share the inheritance just to spite the Grandparents.

1point

DC 2 weeks ago

So, ... you want approval - the only reason of all AITA-topics is just that, seeking validation for stuff that either is obviously right, or somewhere between utterly stupid and downright evil - you want approval for continuing your grandfather's patriarchial, distorted and nonunderstanding ways and decisions? Well, yeah, no, that won't. YTA.

1point

Rdj 2 weeks ago (edited)

I don't understand the grandparents' reasoning . Was she pregnant from a guy who wanted to marry her, but she cheated with the dad and didn't tell him she was pregnant and kept his kid away from him? That makes no sense. Then they should have told the biological dad and have given him the money.

1point

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago (edited)

It's quite simple. They didnt accept that he wanted to marry a woman that had a child by another man. They didn't want to have a grandchild that they weren't related to biologically. They cut contact in order to force the father to dump his wife, and he wouldn't, so they refused to have any contact with him until the grandfather died, out of anger, spite, a power-trip... who knows. Either way it's very toxic and destructive behaviour. Likely the grandfather was a very controlling man, but the grandmother must have agreed with him too, since she did what she did with the inheritance.

4points

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Breadcrumb. 2 weeks ago

Imagine being dumped with such a huge family secret. Tell a therapist but no one else until you've given yourself enough time. I feel bad for o.p. Whatever they end up doing, I hope is the best choice for them.

1point

Ace 2 weeks ago

You feel sorry for her? WTF? She has the chance to amend the wrongs inflicted by her grandparents on her father and brother, yet chooses not to do so, and you feel sorry for her?

5points

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Joanne Mendonza-Earle 2 weeks ago

I'm surprised at all the YTA answers and the poll results saying she is wrong morally. IF she chooses to share, what she needs to do first is buy a house outright w/ no mortgage, set up a high yield retirement account, maybe buy a new car outright. Pay off her debts/loans. Anything left over she can consider splitting w/ her brother and father, and only by written agreement prepared by a lawyer. She inherited the assets and is not obligated to share.

0points

Squirrelly Panda 2 weeks ago

I'm willing to Gove grandma the benefit of doubt. She might have promised grandpa when he was dying that her will would not give anything to dad or son. Sounds like she treated both kids well, not counting the will. By writing the letter she gives her grand daughter a chance to make things right. That might be by splitting the inheritance with her brother, or might be transferring the bulk to her dad. That is for her to figure out.

0points

KatSaidWhat 1 week ago

I'm 90% YTA but also can't help thinking how long she has been lied to about her brother.

-1point

Lisa 2 weeks ago

Well. I don't think the dad/brother are entitled to the money. But it will definitely cause a riff.

-1point

POST

Traveling Lady Railfan 2 weeks ago

102points

Ace 2 weeks ago

40points

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Stacy s 2 weeks ago

OP is a giant A-hole. She is acting like the fact her dad stepped up and became a non-bio father to her brother starting before he was born is somehow 'shameful'' where i see it as wonderful.

59points

LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 weeks ago

25points

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Bec 2 weeks ago

3points

iseefractals 2 weeks ago

0points

amy lee 2 weeks ago (edited)

0points

greenideas 2 weeks ago

Sounds like she just wants to keep the money and is looking for any excuse to do so.

45points

Agat 2 weeks ago

18points

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago (edited)

4points

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Lyoness 2 weeks ago (edited)

12points

Steve Sharpe 2 weeks ago

11points

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago

1point

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FlamingRed 2 weeks ago

Way to make the selfless act your father performed for your brother, whom I assume you loved until you suddenly found out he wasn't your full sibling, all about you, OP.

5points

Deborah B 2 weeks ago

4points

Orysha 2 weeks ago

4points

zububonsai 2 days ago (edited)

0points

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Ur local theatre girl 3 days ago

2points

The_Nicest_Misanthrope 2 weeks ago

Your dad gave a child a father and treated him like his own - what's the problem? The problem is that OP is a money grabbing scumbag who takes after her grandfather, apparently! YTA MASSIVELY!

2points

Bigmomma 2 weeks ago

2points

similarly 2 weeks ago

2points

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago (edited)

3points

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Eduarda Vaz-Mourao 1 week ago

1point

Sarah Ellison 1 week ago

1point

Bookworm 2 weeks ago

1point

Otto Katz 2 weeks ago

Was there a follow-up? I'd love to know what she decided

1point

Gwyn 2 weeks ago (edited)

1point

DC 2 weeks ago

1point

Rdj 2 weeks ago (edited)

1point

Aboredpanda 2 weeks ago (edited)

4points

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Breadcrumb. 2 weeks ago

1point

Ace 2 weeks ago

You feel sorry for her? WTF? She has the chance to amend the wrongs inflicted by her grandparents on her father and brother, yet chooses not to do so, and you feel sorry for her?

5points

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Joanne Mendonza-Earle 2 weeks ago

0points

Squirrelly Panda 2 weeks ago

0points

KatSaidWhat 1 week ago

I'm 90% YTA but also can't help thinking how long she has been lied to about her brother.

-1point

Lisa 2 weeks ago

Well. I don't think the dad/brother are entitled to the money. But it will definitely cause a riff.

-1point

Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

We can choose to take secrets to our grave, or we can reveal them before we die

This woman’s grandmother spoke to her from beyond the grave by dropping a bombshell in the form of a letter

“Secrets can ripple through generations”: an expert weighs in

It’s not unusual for people to write letters that are meant to be read after their death

Some people pay big money to confess their secrets after they die

“Think about it real hard”: many netizens felt the woman was wrong for not sharing the money

Other people felt the woman was justified in keeping the entire inheritance

Some netizens felt that everyone, except the brother, needed a reality check

Poll Question

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Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know”

We can choose to take secrets to our grave, or we can reveal them before we die

This woman’s grandmother spoke to her from beyond the grave by dropping a bombshell in the form of a letter

“Secrets can ripple through generations”: an expert weighs in

It’s not unusual for people to write letters that are meant to be read after their death

Some people pay big money to confess their secrets after they die

“Think about it real hard”: many netizens felt the woman was wrong for not sharing the money

Other people felt the woman was justified in keeping the entire inheritance

Some netizens felt that everyone, except the brother, needed a reality check

Poll Question

Thanks! Check out the results:

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Rugilė Žemaitytė

Rugilė Žemaitytė

Word Search

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Jigsaw

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Killer Sudoku

Kriss Kross

Word Flower

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