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117
“AITA For Refusing To Pay For My MIL’s Deductible After She Smashed The Gift I Gave Her?”
Interview With ExpertCertain people in our lives are just trickier to buy gifts for than others. Some folks in relationships find this to be particularly true with their in-laws. They might not know them well enough or get along with them, so an occasion requiring a gift for them becomes a bit of a headache.
But not for this guy. He thought that he picked out the perfect funny present for the woman who raised his spouse. However, it completely backfired, sending his mother-in-law to the hospital.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Kelsey Hartung, chief gift designer and founder of Give Wrapped, and Pippa O’Brien, gift expert and founder of Gifted Consulting, who kindly agreed to chat with us more about choosing gifts for the mother-in-law.
RELATED:
Picking out presents for certain people in our lives sometimes can require more effort
Image credits: Pressmaster/Envato (not the actual photo)
However, this guy picked out a gift he got for MIL quite easily, which completely backfired on him
Image credits: bopmart
Image credits: dvatri/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GrapeCreamJuice
44% of men and women experience issues with their mother-in-law
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
If we were to once again perpetuate the stereotype, most people have a rocky relationship with their mother-in-law. But is it a stereotype if science proves it to be true? Well, either way, a study published in The Evolutionary Psychological Science journal found that 44% of men and women experience issues with their mother-in-law, more than with their own mothers. Of course, not every mother-in-law is prone to clashing with their children’s spouses, but they’re still not the easiest to shop for.
To avoid situations like in this story from unfolding, we reached out to Kelsey Hartung, chief gift designer and founder of Give Wrapped, and Pippa O’Brien, gift expert and founder of Gifted Consulting, who kindly agreed to share some ideas for gifts for mother-in-law and told us what’s better to steer clear of.
Before buying a present for the mother-in-law, Hartung suggests that the person considers their relationship with her as well as her personality, interests, and lifestyle. “Think about what she enjoys. Does she love gardening, traveling, or reading? A good gift also depends on the relationship. If you’re close, something more personal can be meaningful. If you’re still getting to know each other, a classic, elegant gift is a safe choice,” she advised.
“And sometimes, a physical gift isn’t even necessary. A heartfelt handwritten card can be just as meaningful, or if the relationship doesn’t call for a gift, that’s okay too. But if you do give something, presentation matters. A beautifully wrapped gift can turn even the simplest present into something special,” Hartung said.
“Most in-laws do not expect a separate gift from their kid’s spouse,” additionally notes O’Brien. “So you can just choose a gift as a team and sign the card together—or even from the whole family if your in-laws are also grandparents.”
“If you know she doesn’t enjoy getting funny gifts, then stick to thoughtful ones instead”
Image credits: freestocks/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s especially important to remember to reevaluate the relationship with the mother-in-law if the person is thinking about giving her a jokey present. “If she loves to have fun and joke around, then including a “gag gift” is ok. But you 100% need to give her something nice and non-joke-related in addition to the gag so she doesn’t feel like she’s being mocked or is unappreciated,” said O’Brien.
“If you know she doesn’t enjoy getting funny gifts, is easily upset or just doesn’t have a great relationship with you, then definitely steer clear of gag gifts and stick to thoughtful ones instead.”
“It depends on the relationship and her sense of humor. If she loves a good laugh and you know she’ll appreciate it, a playful gift can be great,” agreed Hartung. “But it should never be something that could be misinterpreted or feel like it’s at her expense. If there’s any doubt, it’s always better to go with something thoughtful.”
If the gifter feels hesitant about giving a funny present to their mother-in-law, there are plenty of other options. Here’s a little list that gift experts curated that makes for great ideas for presents for mother-in-law:
- Gifts that help to relax: robes, slippers, spa certificates, luxurious self-care items.
- Meaningful gifts: a framed picture, a custom photo book, a digital frame preloaded with special moments.
- Personalized gifts: custom stationery, monogrammed tote, gourmet treats.
- Gifts that provide experiences: concert tickets, a gift card to a favorite restaurant, a walking tour/food tour, tickets to a play or sports game.
- Gifts that align with her hobbies: gardening tools or plants, hiking gear, crafting supplies.
- Gifts that allow to spend time together: cooking a meal together, taking a shopping trip, going to a flower-arranging class, spending an afternoon at a museum.
- Gifts that are always a great compliment to receive: flowers, chocolates, wine, homemade baked goods, or nice coffee grounds/tea.
Gift experts also named some items to keep clear of to avoid any awkward situations. “Some gifts, though well-intended, can feel impersonal or even a little off the mark,” said Hartung.
“Avoid anything too practical—like household cleaning supplies, vacuums, or workout gear—unless she’s specifically asked for them. Even things like workout classes, diet-related products, or anti-aging products and treatments can send the wrong message. And while a generic “Best Mother-in-Law” mug might be easy, it doesn’t exactly make her feel seen or valued. If you’re unsure what to give, something simple but thoughtful can go a long way. A beautiful plant, fresh flowers, or a handwritten card can still show appreciation without the pressure of finding the “perfect” gift.”
Some readers thought the man was right for not wanting to pay for MIL’s deductible
Others believed he shouldn’t have given such a present in the first place
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What do you think ?
Beak Hookage 9 months ago
I had a look at the original post and apparently the mug said "The You Fell For It Again Award". Her reaction was incredibly childish but he really should have known better than to pull a stunt like that.
Vee Lyons 9 months ago
He was incredibly childish giving it to her in the first place. A grown man gleefully gloating over the fact that his gift will annoy an elderly woman. Enjoy the fallout, buster.
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Granny's Thoughts 9 months ago
NTA It was a gag gift. Your wife is an enabler. Any person with manners who receives a gift they don't like would just say thank you. MIL and your wife were out of line to even ask you to pay the deductible for something SHE caused.🤨
Scott Rackley 9 months ago
Yup. If a political gag gift can get you that riled up, you have a whole lot of hate in your heart, and not a lot of maturity. If you don't like it, smile, say thank you, then bin it when you get to the house.
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Romy Rösli 9 months ago (edited)
ESH - MIL for throwing a tantrum over a gift. She could have thrown it into the trash after the party. OP for giving stupid political gifts, particularly in front of guests. OP and his MIL deserve each other.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 9 months ago
Yes, I agree. This is about the only time I remember ever voting ESH!
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Happynyss 9 months ago
Dumb, somewhaf immature idea from OP, especially on the lady's birthday, but what kind of adult throws a fragile item, no, a fragile gift, like that? He shouldn't have to pay, it was her own fault, but he also shouldn't have done that in the first place, imo.
rullyman 9 months ago
Especially in a restaurant. What did she think was going to happen? Some poor minimum wage worker was going to have to clean that up, and could possibly have also got injured in the process.
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Jennifer Clayton 9 months ago
Whenever you give a joke gift on a special occasion like holiday or birthday it should always come with a real gift that they would like and shows you care.
Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago
Her real gift is hospital bills. Your welcome.
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Sue Ellen Bowen 9 months ago
So MIL had a tantrum and threw the mug on the floor. Sounds like her behavior is just like the person she voted for.
🇫🇮 Goth Nurse 🇫🇮 9 months ago
MIL doesn't know what is a communist. Itäs another learned worr that means bad! Yay!
Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago
Nobody seems to know what communism means. Or socialist. America is not communist - it is socialist. And blue states don't benefit from that socialism, poor red states reliant on federal funding (that comes from blue states) do. The MOST socialist group in America is the group that calls everyone else socialist or communist and have no idea they are what they hate.
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Serial pacifist 9 months ago
Not the best move from him, but still no reason for MIL to turn into Karenzilla.
That Persistent Lint 9 months ago
People is missing the mark: it was her birthday and he wanted to make it about him making people laugh of her. He could choose any other day to snatch public to his clown show. That makes him a bully. A bully always say "It was a joke...she overreacted" when the victim finally snaps. How do we know it wasn't the last straw? Don't do this, people... it's never a joke ruining somebody else's special day.
weatherwitch 9 months ago
Stupid man. Embarrassed MIL. It was her BIRTHDAY, they're supposed to be having a lovely meal out. Who the fk brings a 'gag' gift to that? It's the wrong place, wrong surroundings, wrong situation and wrong recipient. She will have felt embarrassed publicly, humiliated and some of us, actually feel Scared when we experience those feelings. In public all the more. She's a moron for who she votes for, but a shed load of malicious morons voted him in. He Totally ruined her birthday celebrations with family by being immature. Pop that mug in the cupboard in the kitchen, let her find it. Not humiliate her.
sweet emotion 9 months ago
Unless you know for a fact that the recipient shares your particular sense of humor, gag gifts should really stop at about age 15. Of course, temper tantrums and throwing gifts on the floor should stop at about age 5, so............ESH.
Earonn - 8 months ago
I'm with the YTAs. First of all, in the current climate one needs to very sure that the other side actually will find the 'joke' funny. OP didn't give a s**t. Even his wife told him it was childish, but hey, who cares, OP doesn't give a s**t either. Did MIL overreact? Perhaps, but with OPs mindset, who knows what she had to endure so far? And then the good old "it was just a joke" - that we happily criticise when it comes against a person we like. No, it was f****d up. And I say that as someone who IS a leftie and DOES joke with a workmate who is very much right wing. But we're careful about it.
A B 8 months ago
Isn't this the place where people hate pranks and rightly name it bullying? How is this any different? ESH, OP for giving a mean spirited "gift" in front of the family on a special day and MIL for throwing the mug.
Royal Stray 8 months ago
Well yeah, but this is politics and about a person whose political views people don't like, that's like totally different. It's hypocritical. For people who claim MIL takes it too seriously they sure hate her based of her political views. Now if this is in the US I happen to think she's an idiot as well. But pointing that out on her birthday in front of everyone and make her the butt of a childish joke isn't the right way to argue with her. Easily ESH, MIL hurt herself and that's on her, but OP knew that she would hate the gift in the first place and just wanted to make fun of her
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LilDumpling 9 months ago
So she calls you a communist but then has you pay the deductible applied to a capitalist medical billing practice, which she supports and believes in? Interesting
Vinnie 9 months ago (edited)
According the OP's mother-in-law, having a sense of humour makes you a communist. Maybe she thinks Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. (I wouldn't have given her that mug, but I wouldn't smash a mug I hated - especially not where someone could have been injured)
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Lori T Wisconsin 8 months ago
Mama Magat acted like a spoiled child and ended up getting hurt as a result. She sounds like a real piece of work. I’d go LC with the old dragon for a while.
Melissa anderson 9 months ago
Magabillies don’t have a sense of humor and can’t stand it when they’re treated the same way they treat others.
Ruth Watry 9 months ago
MIL should have taken it to the bathroom, put it in the garbage, and come back and say that it was in a bathroom garbage can, right where it belonged
R Dennis 9 months ago
The gift? Whatever. If Mil was mad, she was mad. Having a tantrum and throwing it in the restaurant? All MIL... NTA. If someone gave me a MAGA cup, I would probably say something like "Not a very big toilet, is it?" and move on. It would absolutely be in the garbage before I left the restaurant, but I'm an adult.
Phobrek 9 months ago
Just FYI to fellow Americans... today is the Ides of March, and there's an organized gesture of resistance to the Orange Monster. Mail a postcard today to Trump (with whatever commentary) and help break the record for most mail sent to one person in a day! It is just a token of resistance but could help to demonstrate the power of organization. And vent some frustrations.
Trillian 9 months ago
This line of reasoning is completely crazy. If he had given a fragile present to a small child he might be responsible for injuries. But no matter how much she disliked the mug, no one made her smash it. Behave like that and the injury is on you. She's lucky no one else got hurt bc that would definitely be her fault.
Lori Pratka 9 months ago
YTA. You publicly disrespected her in front of her family. She is from a generation where people Your age respect their elders and it doesn’t alter how old you are, she will always be your be your elder and should always be respected - NOT given insulting gag gifts. She may also be embarrassed that her daughter chose to marry you if you believe that everyone will enjoy your juvenile humor just because you do. What else do you do or say without a filter? As far as breaking the cup and going to the restroom, I would have left the table as well, if the gathering was for me and a guest - my S-I-L no less - decided to humiliate me in front of others. Your intentions do not matter. If you knew her well enough to know she would not like it, you should not have done it. Period You owe her an apology and to those all the others in attendance that evening.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
With a mil like that monster lol I’d have given her that to just for the entertainment value of the pathetic woman’s tantrum 😂like in a bloody restaurant , talk about deluded childish brat 😂 as this is in us lol does that mean she’s a trump supporter ??? Cos if she is then that reaction was predicable 😂
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 9 months ago (edited)
That doesn't apply to all of them. I jokingly harangued (only way to get a sensitive point across to him) a 93 year old about his deathly pallour. Everyone else was tiptoeing around it, but he got the joke and I was the one to get him to accept his medication.
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Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago (edited)
You are assuming wrong. This was quite clear to everyone else. Because reps are constantly throwing tantrums in public. Just look at yourself!
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 9 months ago
I had a look at the original post and apparently the mug said "The You Fell For It Again Award". Her reaction was incredibly childish but he really should have known better than to pull a stunt like that.
Vee Lyons 9 months ago
He was incredibly childish giving it to her in the first place. A grown man gleefully gloating over the fact that his gift will annoy an elderly woman. Enjoy the fallout, buster.
Load More Replies... Granny's Thoughts 9 months ago
NTA It was a gag gift. Your wife is an enabler. Any person with manners who receives a gift they don't like would just say thank you. MIL and your wife were out of line to even ask you to pay the deductible for something SHE caused.🤨
Scott Rackley 9 months ago
Yup. If a political gag gift can get you that riled up, you have a whole lot of hate in your heart, and not a lot of maturity. If you don't like it, smile, say thank you, then bin it when you get to the house.
Load More Replies... Romy Rösli 9 months ago (edited)
ESH - MIL for throwing a tantrum over a gift. She could have thrown it into the trash after the party. OP for giving stupid political gifts, particularly in front of guests. OP and his MIL deserve each other.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 9 months ago
Yes, I agree. This is about the only time I remember ever voting ESH!
Load More Replies... Happynyss 9 months ago
Dumb, somewhaf immature idea from OP, especially on the lady's birthday, but what kind of adult throws a fragile item, no, a fragile gift, like that? He shouldn't have to pay, it was her own fault, but he also shouldn't have done that in the first place, imo.
rullyman 9 months ago
Especially in a restaurant. What did she think was going to happen? Some poor minimum wage worker was going to have to clean that up, and could possibly have also got injured in the process.
Load More Replies... Jennifer Clayton 9 months ago
Whenever you give a joke gift on a special occasion like holiday or birthday it should always come with a real gift that they would like and shows you care.
Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago
Her real gift is hospital bills. Your welcome.
Load More Replies... Sue Ellen Bowen 9 months ago
So MIL had a tantrum and threw the mug on the floor. Sounds like her behavior is just like the person she voted for.
🇫🇮 Goth Nurse 🇫🇮 9 months ago
MIL doesn't know what is a communist. Itäs another learned worr that means bad! Yay!
Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago
Nobody seems to know what communism means. Or socialist. America is not communist - it is socialist. And blue states don't benefit from that socialism, poor red states reliant on federal funding (that comes from blue states) do. The MOST socialist group in America is the group that calls everyone else socialist or communist and have no idea they are what they hate.
Load More Replies... Serial pacifist 9 months ago
Not the best move from him, but still no reason for MIL to turn into Karenzilla.
That Persistent Lint 9 months ago
People is missing the mark: it was her birthday and he wanted to make it about him making people laugh of her. He could choose any other day to snatch public to his clown show. That makes him a bully. A bully always say "It was a joke...she overreacted" when the victim finally snaps. How do we know it wasn't the last straw? Don't do this, people... it's never a joke ruining somebody else's special day.
weatherwitch 9 months ago
Stupid man. Embarrassed MIL. It was her BIRTHDAY, they're supposed to be having a lovely meal out. Who the fk brings a 'gag' gift to that? It's the wrong place, wrong surroundings, wrong situation and wrong recipient. She will have felt embarrassed publicly, humiliated and some of us, actually feel Scared when we experience those feelings. In public all the more. She's a moron for who she votes for, but a shed load of malicious morons voted him in. He Totally ruined her birthday celebrations with family by being immature. Pop that mug in the cupboard in the kitchen, let her find it. Not humiliate her.
sweet emotion 9 months ago
Unless you know for a fact that the recipient shares your particular sense of humor, gag gifts should really stop at about age 15. Of course, temper tantrums and throwing gifts on the floor should stop at about age 5, so............ESH.
Earonn - 8 months ago
I'm with the YTAs. First of all, in the current climate one needs to very sure that the other side actually will find the 'joke' funny. OP didn't give a s**t. Even his wife told him it was childish, but hey, who cares, OP doesn't give a s**t either. Did MIL overreact? Perhaps, but with OPs mindset, who knows what she had to endure so far? And then the good old "it was just a joke" - that we happily criticise when it comes against a person we like. No, it was f****d up. And I say that as someone who IS a leftie and DOES joke with a workmate who is very much right wing. But we're careful about it.
A B 8 months ago
Isn't this the place where people hate pranks and rightly name it bullying? How is this any different? ESH, OP for giving a mean spirited "gift" in front of the family on a special day and MIL for throwing the mug.
Royal Stray 8 months ago
Well yeah, but this is politics and about a person whose political views people don't like, that's like totally different. It's hypocritical. For people who claim MIL takes it too seriously they sure hate her based of her political views. Now if this is in the US I happen to think she's an idiot as well. But pointing that out on her birthday in front of everyone and make her the butt of a childish joke isn't the right way to argue with her. Easily ESH, MIL hurt herself and that's on her, but OP knew that she would hate the gift in the first place and just wanted to make fun of her
Load More Replies... LilDumpling 9 months ago
So she calls you a communist but then has you pay the deductible applied to a capitalist medical billing practice, which she supports and believes in? Interesting
Vinnie 9 months ago (edited)
According the OP's mother-in-law, having a sense of humour makes you a communist. Maybe she thinks Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. (I wouldn't have given her that mug, but I wouldn't smash a mug I hated - especially not where someone could have been injured)
Load More Replies... Lori T Wisconsin 8 months ago
Mama Magat acted like a spoiled child and ended up getting hurt as a result. She sounds like a real piece of work. I’d go LC with the old dragon for a while.
Melissa anderson 9 months ago
Magabillies don’t have a sense of humor and can’t stand it when they’re treated the same way they treat others.
Ruth Watry 9 months ago
MIL should have taken it to the bathroom, put it in the garbage, and come back and say that it was in a bathroom garbage can, right where it belonged
R Dennis 9 months ago
The gift? Whatever. If Mil was mad, she was mad. Having a tantrum and throwing it in the restaurant? All MIL... NTA. If someone gave me a MAGA cup, I would probably say something like "Not a very big toilet, is it?" and move on. It would absolutely be in the garbage before I left the restaurant, but I'm an adult.
Phobrek 9 months ago
Just FYI to fellow Americans... today is the Ides of March, and there's an organized gesture of resistance to the Orange Monster. Mail a postcard today to Trump (with whatever commentary) and help break the record for most mail sent to one person in a day! It is just a token of resistance but could help to demonstrate the power of organization. And vent some frustrations.
Trillian 9 months ago
This line of reasoning is completely crazy. If he had given a fragile present to a small child he might be responsible for injuries. But no matter how much she disliked the mug, no one made her smash it. Behave like that and the injury is on you. She's lucky no one else got hurt bc that would definitely be her fault.
Lori Pratka 9 months ago
YTA. You publicly disrespected her in front of her family. She is from a generation where people Your age respect their elders and it doesn’t alter how old you are, she will always be your be your elder and should always be respected - NOT given insulting gag gifts. She may also be embarrassed that her daughter chose to marry you if you believe that everyone will enjoy your juvenile humor just because you do. What else do you do or say without a filter? As far as breaking the cup and going to the restroom, I would have left the table as well, if the gathering was for me and a guest - my S-I-L no less - decided to humiliate me in front of others. Your intentions do not matter. If you knew her well enough to know she would not like it, you should not have done it. Period You owe her an apology and to those all the others in attendance that evening.
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
With a mil like that monster lol I’d have given her that to just for the entertainment value of the pathetic woman’s tantrum 😂like in a bloody restaurant , talk about deluded childish brat 😂 as this is in us lol does that mean she’s a trump supporter ??? Cos if she is then that reaction was predicable 😂
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 9 months ago (edited)
That doesn't apply to all of them. I jokingly harangued (only way to get a sensitive point across to him) a 93 year old about his deathly pallour. Everyone else was tiptoeing around it, but he got the joke and I was the one to get him to accept his medication.
Load More Replies... Thanos'Fingers 9 months ago (edited)
You are assuming wrong. This was quite clear to everyone else. Because reps are constantly throwing tantrums in public. Just look at yourself!
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