The people saying he's the one who is wrong were clearly the favourite child growing up.

"Family comes first" and "Move on". Your parents and Lily are literally telling you that you're not family and to go away. If you keep hanging around, yes, you're handy and will be used. You do know you're going to be ordered to do renovations to Lliy's new home in six months' time and to stop moaning and that family comes first, don't you?

My Grandfather was wealthy and owned a restaurant. My mum worked for him all her life. When he retired he gave the restaurant to my uncle, her brother, and said to my mum don't worry when I go you will be looked after. He remarried and left everything else to his new wife. He was worth a couple of million, she gave my mum a cheque for a thousand pounds. The money wasn't the important thing, it was the callous way my mum was disregarded. My uncle, who still owned the thriving restaurant said it was out of his hands what Grandad did. Well F##k you. You can choose your friends, you can't choose your family. We don't speak! Edit, my mum accepted it but I hated her being so badly treated. It honestly wasn't about the money, it was just the slap in the face for my mum.

The guy is not an AH, but a total idiot for helping his parents after the way he's been treated.

Why is OP trying not to burn bridges? OP - there are no bridges, your parents do not like or respect you. NC is the only way to go. Do not do work on their house, let them pay for a handyman with the proceeds from the sale - oh right, they gave the house away. Too bad they should have thought ahead.

And after all that the OP didn't get what he wanted, recognition for himself as a person and the fact he's always been second fiddle to his sister but they get what they want, a doormat. If my partners family was treating them like that, it would be me they'd be dealing with me.

This is classic golden child/goat behavior. They’ll deny favoritism until the cows come home but the pattern is the golden child gets things like houses and money while the goat is expected to serve including providing all the eldercare. They get very very upset when the goat doesn’t serve and that’s where op is right now. They are free to do whatever they want with their money but op is also free to stop serving. I recommend dialling contact way back and no more serving. Just don’t be available to do things like renovations and maybe don’t see them until Thanksgiving.

The sister can help them I wouldn't even talk to them

He's making a big mistake by helping them. Now they know they just have to bully him until he says yes to their every whim.

I don't understand the person who thinks OP is going to war with his parents. Somehow after everything he was still willing to do the renovations and without taking money it sounded like. I wouldn't have helped with that. It's not even about the home or the money, it's about how defensive and dismissive they all became. To expect help was so wild of them.

I have been LC and NC with my parents most of my adult life. Complete NC with my father because he's a demanding, entitled person who has no respect for my boundaries. He demanded I apologize for enforcing said boundaries, last words to him was a)I don't owe him an apology, and b)I don't have to explain, defend, or justify my reasons. My parents are divorced, and I was floored that my mother told me I should reconsider my NC because I'm in his will. I told her I don't care about that, if he leaves something or not, I dgaf. I'd be the a*****e to myself if I did this, because my father would continue with his abusive behavior. I don't deserve that, no one does. He doesn't treat my two younger sisters the way he treats me. The only other thing I learned is both my parents don't know me, my mother got mad at me and said "You're just like your father!" No, I'm my own person, and neither one of them acknowledges that, and all they see is the child they bullied and abused. I'm not her.

His wife should explain the concept of NC

The YTA completley missing the point because they lack any advanced reading comprehension. It's not about the house. It was never about the house. The house just happened to be the straw. The cataclyst that made OP go "I can't be quiet about this anymore." It wasn't about "wah why did Lily get it and not me." But rather "Why am I never CONSIDERED in any decisions at all?"

All this BS about “they can leave their house to who they like….”yeah but they gave it to his sister and gave him nothing. These YTA’s are massive YTA’s …….wonder how they would react in that situation, O holier than thous.

That's just so f***ed up. No he has every right to be upset, think bout the favouritism and the s**t he went through when he was younger. People who says his the yta, u DONT know what he went through when they was kids your getting shorts of what his saying STFU

I see the reduction of the family to two extremes: or that family ties don't exist, and everything should be a purely commercial transaction ("you don't have any say on their house") or that family is an absolute moral imperative where the single is annihilate ("you should help them because family first"). Maybe we can find a middle line? And recognize that often behind the material there is a symbolic value that is more important?

Whatever you do for them, you will always be last. Try to ask them for financial help one day and see if they are willing to help you. I doubt it will happen. Set boundaries but keep in touch.

OP should brace himself for an equally unfair parental will(s). Sister will again get lions share or everything. If OP is left anything Sister will fight for it too. If there are any family heirlooms that OP wants, ask for them well before they pass. It's not worth the nastiness and expense of lawyers to fight after they are gone.

This kind of happened to met as well. My parents moved several hours away and pretty much bought my brother a house near them. He does pay "rent" but it's not the full mortgage amount and he didn't have to put down a down payment. There's other stuff over the years that were very unfair. I had to step back from them for my own mental health so I see them all only a few times a year. I figure now my brother will be the one who has to take care of them when they're older.

Build a boundary by telling your parents NO to help fix the new home, that simple.

I think the parents are just users. OP would just be cleaning up his parents new mess and likely paying the full bill. Toxic family dynamics are always a no win. OP is the scapegoat and not even an after thought. His only choice is the change the role he is willing to play instead of allowing family to designate his role. If he wants to remain in contact with his parents, it should be on his terms not theirs. Example, he could choose one task to help with in parents new house...donating ONLY his labor/time as a house warming gift. Tell his parents since the rest of the family is doing a deep dive into toxicity - here is a list of their names. -- sister/husband included who need to step uo next. OP can invite his parebts over for dinner or lunch but stay away from anything more. His parents are NOT going to change nor acknowledge their bias or preference for tgeir favourite child...his sister. He has a right to be p**s*d off. It truly hurts. Therapy can help w coping skills

I suppose you could expect to inherit your parents new house so it might be worth staying friendly otherwise I would cut them out of your life. Keep in mind, they may leave everything to your sister anyway. None of your family seem to consider you anything more than a convenient worker.

If he agrees to help with the renovation, do only what is asked of you at this time. Anything else added needs to be done by someone else. NTA but your parents sure are as it the glided Lily

Guarantee you that when they die everything or almost everything will be left to the sister. I would not help them under any circumstances.

As their sister recommended, it's time to "move on" from all of them! Who do they think the smaller house will be left to when they pass, after doing all the work on it?! The sister again!

No. He shouldn't even help them at all because they treated him like s**t and not even a valuable part of the family. The other relatives that degraded him for doing what he was doing should be put in their place too. How would they like to be treated like that. He should tell them if they love the parents so much that they should help them. I question if the parents really love the son. Don't look for approval from parents who don't love you or will never give their approval of you. As for being told that family comes first. Yes, he should put his family first--his wife and kids and leave everyone else behind. Once he married his wife & kids are his full focus.

He has a right to feel as he does. they know the truth of their actions but won’t admit it. Since they need help with renovations on their new home maybe they should have sold the old home to the daughter, even if for less than they could have gotten by selling it to someone else, and used the funds to pay a contractor. Yes It was their property and they could do whatever they wanted with it. The sister didn’t need it more than him. That was the excuse they’ve used all of his life.

When parents or sister ask you for something tell them that you don't have the time or money because you are focusing on trying to buy your own house. Your wife and family should be first!! Make excuses and keep putting it off if they keep asking you to work for them. Fake a pinched nerve on your back for 6 months lol if you don't want to straight out say no. My parents treated me s****y and cutting them out of my life for a few years was the healthiest thing I have done for myself and MY family. They won't even think about it differently unless you don't talk to them for awhile! It's a bad example for your wife and kids to be dogged like that too!

I have 2 girls (both 27) and I would NEVER treat them any different from each other! It would be very unfair to do so…. I would be right cheesed off if my parents had given a house to either of my siblings! If one daughter needs say a new washing machine then I would give the monetary value to the other.

If you don't stop letting them guilt trip you, you'll be the one caring for them in their old age while Lily is on a senior cruise because her life is so much harder.

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I think I'm probably the favourite child but I'm also my mums NOK because she knows I'm the only one who will share everything equally with respect to her wishes. If I'd had as much as 'Lily' I'd honestly be embarrassed but I'm the one who prioritises my mums needs so maybe that's why I'm favourite!

Yes or he could have told them he doesn't have time to help with the renovations as he has been forced to take a second job so he can save for a house.

Rand Chick huffs paint with that kind of logic.

They're the only Mom and Dad he's ever going to have. Regardless of what they do in their lives, he may want to consider living his life without regret by being the son he knows he needs to be... Everything else won't matter once they die. So live your life so when you look back, you can think and say, "I did right by them..." and that peace is better than cash.

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Stop being an entitled child. Iv gone through the exact same thing, my parents even gave my sister a Porsche as her first car at 16, I bought a broken down old Chevy Luv pickup to fix and drive. It taught me to not rely on anyone and I can do anything I put my mind to, I used to let it eat me up thinking they favored my sister, but in reality I'm highly successful and own my own company. Me and my parents are closer now than I ever thought possible. DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN and FIX THINGS WITH YOUR PARENTS! You embarrass me and I don't know you.