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Woman Marries Sister’s Long-Time Crush, Tables Turn When They Need Help And She Refuses
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Woman Marries Sister’s Long-Time Crush, Tables Turn When They Need Help And She Refuses

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Relationships, including family ones, are tricky. We don’t have to tell you that, right? Yet there are some things, like common understandings, that always make these relationships a tad easier. Well, that’s if all people involved in that relationship abide by them. For instance, if sisters agree not to pursue each other’s romantic interests, it would make their dynamic easier unless one sister decides to go rogue and pursue another one’s crush. Well, that not only makes the relationship trickier, but it can also break it for years. And, yes, we are describing today’s main story.

More info: Reddit

RELATED:

    What do you do when people who hurt you in the past ask for quite a big favor?

    Image credits: Binyamin Mellish (not the actual picture)

    A woman used to have a best friend, who she crushed on, and a sister, who she got along with very well

    After one time when the sister’s crush hit on the woman, both siblings made a pact that neither of them would pursue each other’s romantic interests

    Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual picture)

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    Yet, when the woman was finally getting together with her crush, she learned her sister had done the same, which caused a fight and estrangement between them

    Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual picture) 

    Image credits: u/Both_Staff_5410

    Now, years later, the sister and the same guy, who’s now her husband, came asking to stay at the woman’s vacation home after being kicked out of their place

    Growing up, the OP was very close with her sister. But she also had a best friend, who was a guy and her crush back in the day, around when she was 20 years old. 

    Also, at the same time, her sister had a crush on another guy. One day, the sister’s crush flirted with the author, but she didn’t flirt back, as she knew about her sister’s feelings. Yet, it still angered the sister, so she made a pact that neither of them could get with a guy the other one liked. 

    We can probably say that, in a way, this pact was based on the so-called “sister code.” This code can be applied to just women’s friendships or sisters’ relationships. Basically, it says that any of the women in this friendship/relationship shouldn’t pursue another one’s crush or ex. 

    At the same time, there are some who say that sister code is basically a non-existent term, and even if it is being used, it’s for justifying one’s prudeness (or maybe this definition needs to be updated, as times have changed since 2014 when this description was posted.) And that’s not only our opinion — there are others who argue that it kind of reeks of misogyny.

    These people also argue that, no matter if the sister code term is widely used or not, it should be common sense not to pursue someone who your sister or friend likes. It also should be common sense to keep up with the pact that you came up with yourself. Yet, some people don’t have that much common sense

    A year or two later, after said pact was made, the OP’s best friend started flirting with her, and soon, they started moving to be more than friends. That was until the woman discovered that, on the side, he was also seeing her sister because he wanted to “keep his options open.”

    Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual picture)

    What mostly gutted the woman was that her sister, who knew she liked this guy and made a pact not to date anyone the other one liked, didn’t care about any of this. This broke the woman’s trust in the sister she once got along with so well, and it broke her heart that the man she liked led her on. Since then, the OP hasn’t been in contact with any of them. 

    Later on, the woman’s estranged sister and ex-best friend (and kind of boyfriend) got married. They lived in a rental place for several years but got kicked out due to issues with their landlord. So, since they needed a place to stay until they could find something else, they turned to the woman. And they did that because the OP and her husband have a nice little house that they use as a vacation home. 

    Yet, the woman refused to accommodate them due to the way they treated her all those years ago. While her husband and other siblings thought this was a good decision, her parents didn’t, and, of course, her sister and her husband didn’t either and even called her the B-word. 

    So, the woman became today’s OP by asking Redditors what they thought — is she such a B-word to not shelter her estranged sister and her husband or not? 

    Well, people online surely didn’t think she should have been called that word in the first place. She just stood up to people who mistreated her so badly in the past and who after hearing a refusal went straight to insulting. Well, in netizens’ eyes, the OP is way better off without them in her life. And we have nothing else to add despite agreeing with this sentiment. 

    The woman refused to let them in, which majorly upset the couple, but many people in the woman’s life, as well as people online, understood where her decision came from

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    Ugnė Bulotaitė

    Ugnė Bulotaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

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    Ugnė Bulotaitė

    Ugnė Bulotaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

    What do you think ?
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    Jeevesssssss
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tend to err on the side of generosity and forgiveness (and I do mean err). In this case though, much as my instinct would actually be to agree to help, there are a couple of massive red flags that would make me drastically reconsider. First, the longstanding issues with the previous landlords - you can infer from that that as tenants, they were problematic. Second, the nature of why you became estranged - she steamrollered her way over a boundary, essentially. She will do the same again if she establishes tenancy in your holiday home. If I were in your position, as much as I would feel the right thing to do would be to help them out anyway, it's not sensible and is realistically asking for a world of pain in terms of damages, lost finances, and struggles to evict them. Take your feelings out of play and you still have very solid reasons not to help. And if your parents are guilt-tripping you, they can find and help fund a place for them - elsewhere.

    Ms.GB
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. Even if there hadn't been a boundary breeched there's no way I would let an estranged relative who has had repeated problems with landlords stay at my home unsupervised. They're going to trash it.

    Load More Replies...
    Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When someone says no to a request, and the response is insults, gaslighting, yelling and a tanrum. That says all you need to hear to know WTA is and 100% confirmation no was the correct reply.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly my thoughts. And getting the rest of the family to gang up on you when they could be helping themselves is the best way to go n/c

    Load More Replies...
    Paul C
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get extra security for the holiday house. You might well need it.

    Hannah Taylor
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. Lights, cameras, to record any action on the part of those two ne'er-do-wells. I wouldn't put it past them to try and break in anyway. OP needs to go online for a Trespass Arrest Form, just in case.

    Load More Replies...
    LH25
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Along with everything else, the fact they are homeless now due to "landlord" issues is a red flag to me.

    Hannah Taylor
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most likely, they: 1) Didn't pay the rent on time, if at all, 2) trashed the place and wouldn't pay for the damage, and/or 3) disturbed the neighbors, probably to the point where the police had to get involved. I'm surprised they didn't try to pull squatters' rights.

    Load More Replies...
    madbakes
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't let the sister move in either, but damn that is a childish reason to not speak at all, particularly considering they're both married.

    greenideas
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's less about the reason and more about the selfishness and hypocrisy. Sometimes people betray your trust to such an extent, you can never look at them the same way again.

    Load More Replies...
    MR
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Going too far with the estrangement? Do... you understand what estrangement is? It's not a partial thing here. And this isn't childhood drama. You were grown a*s adults when you did what you did. You knew better. Suck it up. You f****d around and now you're finding out.

    Max Fox
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The initial drama could have been forgiven, but it was up to the other sister to take the steps to make amends. The fact that the other sister was willing to marry this guy after he started dating her sister "to keep his options open" means that she has issues. However, the sister, instead of trying to make amends, kept on doubling down on the claim that she and her husband did no wrong. So the OP owes her nothing, and definitely not a free house. It's a bad idea tp rent to family even in the best of relationships, but in this case, it would be a monumentally dumb thing to do.

    Yu Pan
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone who pressured you and said, "you should help so-and-so", "why don't you help so-and-so?" should have the same question asked, "Why don't you then?" Whatever the answer they provided, copy and paste.

    Ryan-James O'Driscoll
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not saying she should let them live in their holiday home, nor that her feelings are invalid. But good lord, what a childish mess. To be hurt over that is understandable. To hold a grudge that is fatal to that relationship when she is happily married to another man seems insane to me. Sister is not conducting herself all that well, but there is another perspective here and they would both be a lot happier if they put aside their egos and talked.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ryan-James O'Driscoll - It seems to me that when someone stands up for themselves, it's not childish, but mature. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The sister and ex showed their true colors when they went behind her back and did what the did. And their response to her no just shows that they haven't changed one bit. Why would she put herself and her family through that c**p again? Happier? I think not! And ego has nothing to do with it, but sanity does.

    Load More Replies...
    Anne
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Need cameras at the vacation home. Might as well put up a "No Trespassing" sign too. Your sister doesn't seem too bright. They did this to themselves. First with each other, which alienated the family against her. Then with the landlord....my money is on them not paying rent or destruction of property. (No mention of job and vacation home location in regards to job(s)) If your parents want to help them, that's their choice.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. Tell them No. No explanation, no listening to them trying to emotionally blackmail you, no listening to your parents who lack a moral compass. Just No. Simple, clear, concise and unambiguous. Then enjoy life with your own family.

    Joe Bloe
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She just gonna keep hating her sister her whole life because of THAT!!! Why does she still care about that now as she is happily married?

    Negatoris Wrecks
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She liked him so much she did nothing about it. *sad trombone noises* she owes no one anything, but she should probably get some therapy.

    Couragetcd
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not personally into holding grudges for years, it's exhausting. But it doesn't make sense to let people you don't know stay on your property when they have a history of problems with their landlords. They can stay with their parents since they are so concerned. I don't know why the sister's infertility was ever mentioned, but at least we know it is only the couple that are homeless, no kids involved.

    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems to me the sister has made a series of bad choices. One of those choices resulted in the permanent loss of her relationship with her sister the OP. Choices have consequences, and now she's living the consequences of her choices. It's hardly OP's problem.

    Melissa Neubauer
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Their parents didn’t step up or want to help. They set her up to be the bad guy so they don’t look bad. She doesn’t have a relationship with these people and it’s equivalent to a stranger asking to live in her husband and her holiday home.

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You will never see rent, and it will take years to get them to leave. Do not rent to family, extended or otherwise.

    Bubba Jones
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    On these situations I try to ask myself, if that person were to die tomorrow, and this is where we left things,am I ok with that? Can I live with myself?

    Jessie
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I was the OP in this case the answer to that would be a clear “yes”. The sister massively betrayed her and instead of attempting to make it right, she once showed she’s still the same person as she was all those years ago.

    Load More Replies...
    Jeevesssssss
    Community Member
    7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tend to err on the side of generosity and forgiveness (and I do mean err). In this case though, much as my instinct would actually be to agree to help, there are a couple of massive red flags that would make me drastically reconsider. First, the longstanding issues with the previous landlords - you can infer from that that as tenants, they were problematic. Second, the nature of why you became estranged - she steamrollered her way over a boundary, essentially. She will do the same again if she establishes tenancy in your holiday home. If I were in your position, as much as I would feel the right thing to do would be to help them out anyway, it's not sensible and is realistically asking for a world of pain in terms of damages, lost finances, and struggles to evict them. Take your feelings out of play and you still have very solid reasons not to help. And if your parents are guilt-tripping you, they can find and help fund a place for them - elsewhere.

    Ms.GB
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. Even if there hadn't been a boundary breeched there's no way I would let an estranged relative who has had repeated problems with landlords stay at my home unsupervised. They're going to trash it.

    Load More Replies...
    Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When someone says no to a request, and the response is insults, gaslighting, yelling and a tanrum. That says all you need to hear to know WTA is and 100% confirmation no was the correct reply.

    KatSaidWhat
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly my thoughts. And getting the rest of the family to gang up on you when they could be helping themselves is the best way to go n/c

    Load More Replies...
    Paul C
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Get extra security for the holiday house. You might well need it.

    Hannah Taylor
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree. Lights, cameras, to record any action on the part of those two ne'er-do-wells. I wouldn't put it past them to try and break in anyway. OP needs to go online for a Trespass Arrest Form, just in case.

    Load More Replies...
    LH25
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Along with everything else, the fact they are homeless now due to "landlord" issues is a red flag to me.

    Hannah Taylor
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most likely, they: 1) Didn't pay the rent on time, if at all, 2) trashed the place and wouldn't pay for the damage, and/or 3) disturbed the neighbors, probably to the point where the police had to get involved. I'm surprised they didn't try to pull squatters' rights.

    Load More Replies...
    madbakes
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't let the sister move in either, but damn that is a childish reason to not speak at all, particularly considering they're both married.

    greenideas
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's less about the reason and more about the selfishness and hypocrisy. Sometimes people betray your trust to such an extent, you can never look at them the same way again.

    Load More Replies...
    MR
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Going too far with the estrangement? Do... you understand what estrangement is? It's not a partial thing here. And this isn't childhood drama. You were grown a*s adults when you did what you did. You knew better. Suck it up. You f****d around and now you're finding out.

    Max Fox
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The initial drama could have been forgiven, but it was up to the other sister to take the steps to make amends. The fact that the other sister was willing to marry this guy after he started dating her sister "to keep his options open" means that she has issues. However, the sister, instead of trying to make amends, kept on doubling down on the claim that she and her husband did no wrong. So the OP owes her nothing, and definitely not a free house. It's a bad idea tp rent to family even in the best of relationships, but in this case, it would be a monumentally dumb thing to do.

    Yu Pan
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone who pressured you and said, "you should help so-and-so", "why don't you help so-and-so?" should have the same question asked, "Why don't you then?" Whatever the answer they provided, copy and paste.

    Ryan-James O'Driscoll
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not saying she should let them live in their holiday home, nor that her feelings are invalid. But good lord, what a childish mess. To be hurt over that is understandable. To hold a grudge that is fatal to that relationship when she is happily married to another man seems insane to me. Sister is not conducting herself all that well, but there is another perspective here and they would both be a lot happier if they put aside their egos and talked.

    Mary Guerinot
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ryan-James O'Driscoll - It seems to me that when someone stands up for themselves, it's not childish, but mature. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The sister and ex showed their true colors when they went behind her back and did what the did. And their response to her no just shows that they haven't changed one bit. Why would she put herself and her family through that c**p again? Happier? I think not! And ego has nothing to do with it, but sanity does.

    Load More Replies...
    Anne
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Need cameras at the vacation home. Might as well put up a "No Trespassing" sign too. Your sister doesn't seem too bright. They did this to themselves. First with each other, which alienated the family against her. Then with the landlord....my money is on them not paying rent or destruction of property. (No mention of job and vacation home location in regards to job(s)) If your parents want to help them, that's their choice.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No. Tell them No. No explanation, no listening to them trying to emotionally blackmail you, no listening to your parents who lack a moral compass. Just No. Simple, clear, concise and unambiguous. Then enjoy life with your own family.

    Joe Bloe
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She just gonna keep hating her sister her whole life because of THAT!!! Why does she still care about that now as she is happily married?

    Negatoris Wrecks
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She liked him so much she did nothing about it. *sad trombone noises* she owes no one anything, but she should probably get some therapy.

    Couragetcd
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not personally into holding grudges for years, it's exhausting. But it doesn't make sense to let people you don't know stay on your property when they have a history of problems with their landlords. They can stay with their parents since they are so concerned. I don't know why the sister's infertility was ever mentioned, but at least we know it is only the couple that are homeless, no kids involved.

    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Seems to me the sister has made a series of bad choices. One of those choices resulted in the permanent loss of her relationship with her sister the OP. Choices have consequences, and now she's living the consequences of her choices. It's hardly OP's problem.

    Melissa Neubauer
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Their parents didn’t step up or want to help. They set her up to be the bad guy so they don’t look bad. She doesn’t have a relationship with these people and it’s equivalent to a stranger asking to live in her husband and her holiday home.

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You will never see rent, and it will take years to get them to leave. Do not rent to family, extended or otherwise.

    Bubba Jones
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    On these situations I try to ask myself, if that person were to die tomorrow, and this is where we left things,am I ok with that? Can I live with myself?

    Jessie
    Community Member
    7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I was the OP in this case the answer to that would be a clear “yes”. The sister massively betrayed her and instead of attempting to make it right, she once showed she’s still the same person as she was all those years ago.

    Load More Replies...
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