When a friend enters into a new relationship, the first thing you want to be is supportive. Even if you may not be a huge fan of their partner, there’s no need to get in the way of their happiness. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt at first, right?

That’s why one woman decided to bite her tongue when she noticed some red flags in her friend’s new beau. But after he expected the two women to wear seductive costumes at a party he was throwing, she knew she couldn’t stay silent any longer. Below, you’ll find the full story that was recently posted on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as some of the replies readers shared.

This woman was skeptical of her friend’s new boyfriend

Image credits: LightFieldStudios / Envato (not the actual photo)

So when he suggested that both women wear maid costumes to his party, she immediately refused

Image credits: oneinchpunchphotos / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Reddit User

Later, the woman shared a few more details about the situation

Today’s French maid costumes are loosely based on actual outfits maids wore in the early 19th century

Image credits: Sonia Patricia Tapias Torres / Pexels (not the actual photo)

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with throwing a themed party. Dressing up can be a great form of escapism, and you’re never to old to enjoy a fun costume. In fact, a 2023 YouGov survey found that over a quarter of American adults dress up as a character for Halloween. 

However, one of the most important aspects of dressing up in a costume is being able to choose what you want to wear. There’s a big difference between picking a seductive outfit because you feel good in it and being pressured into wearing one because your partner wants to see how you’d look in it.

Maid costumes, in particular, are one of the most popular choices when it comes to cosplay that tends to grab the attention of straight men. But have you ever wondered where the popular French maid costume came from? 

Fibre2Fashion explains on their site that this outfit is based on the simple black and white servant dresses that maids actually wore in the early 19th century. These dresses were typically made out of silk or satin and included frilly white aprons. But of course, the ones that we see today usually cover a lot less skin.

Maid cosplay is quite popular, especially in Japan

Image credits: Sơn Ngọc / Pexels (not the actual photo)

As far as how these maid costumes became so popular, it’s impossible to pin down one specific reason. But maid cosplay is especially popular in Japan, where maid cafés bring in plenty of customers every day. 

According to Tokyo Treat, these cafés were created in the early 2000s to combat loneliness in the country after the economic crash of the 90s. The cafés were established to provide people with a safe place to socialize and relax after work. And while these cafés have skyrocketed in popularity in Japan, they’ve also contributed to the rise of maid cosplay all over the world.

While plenty of people do choose to wear these maid outfits for fun (even men!), that’s clearly not what’s happening in this story. And it’s perfectly fine to innocently buy your partner something to wear if they’ll actually enjoy it and wear it when they like. But picking out clothes for someone else and demanding they wear them at a specific time can be a huge red flag in a relationship. 

PsychCentral notes that one of the warning signs that you might be in a relationship with a controlling partner is if they start making decisions for you. Another red flag is trying to micromanage and control things, such as what their partner wears.

It’s a huge red flag when someone tries to control what their partner wears

Image credits: EVG Kowalievska / Pexels (not the actual photo)

When it comes to why it’s inappropriate to tell your partner what to wear, HerNorm explains that this is an indirect way of controlling your body. Your body is your own, and nobody has the right to tell you what to do with it. 

Telling a partner what to wear also implies that they’re incapable of making their own decisions. Perhaps the man in this story didn’t trust that the women would wear something he and his friends liked to the party, so he wanted to be in charge of every detail and ensure that they dressed “appropriately.” 

It’s also important to keep in mind that allowing someone to cross your boundaries is a slippery slope. Today, it’s just wearing a maid outfit. But the requests might escalate over time, and you might eventually find yourself excusing behavior that you would never be comfortable with. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. How would you have responded if you were in this woman’s shoes? Do you think she made the right call? Feel free to share, and then you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar outfit drama right here!

Readers assured the author that she had every right to refuse the outfit

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