It’s not unusual for family drama to erupt before a wedding. Stress levels are running high, there’s lots to consider, and well, you can’t please all the people all the time. One bride thought she had it all figured out with her innovative seating plan. She found a way to honor her late father, have him at the wedding, and get her divorced parents back together. If only for a few hours.

But her grand plan came at the expense of her mother and stepfather. And backfired horribly when her mom heard about it. The angry mother went online to reveal that her daughter not only wants her to sit next to a picture of her late, alcoholic ex-husband. But also wants to seat her new husband at a separate table. The mom is now considering not attending the wedding but isn’t sure whether it’s the right thing to do.

The daughter has never really hidden the fact that she doesn’t like her mother’s second husband

Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)

And she’s not planning to start doing so at her wedding

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: MinuteComfortable992

While there are traditional arrangements you can follow, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to your wedding seating plan

According to Brides.com, the most “traditional” ceremony seating arrangement when it comes to separated or divorced parents is for the mother, her spouse/partner, and any of the mom’s close relatives to take the first row. The father and his entourage would then take the second row. It’s also okay to seat both parents in the first row, if they’re on good terms. Event planner Aimee Dominick told the magazine that it’s unusual for the divorced parents to be seated right next to each other, adding that “a buffer of their spouses, or an aunt or a grandparent, works well.”

In terms of the reception, there are various options. But as wedding planning site The Knot notes, “first and foremost, it’s respectful to seat the step parents with their spouse.” According to Deliece Knights, who owns a wedding planning company, the bridal couple should aim to seat the step parents and birth parents at the same table if they all have an amicable relationship. This arrangement is convenient because it keeps the most important guests together.

The other option is to seat each set of parents at equivalent but separate tables. “This makes each parent feel important but prevents them from having to have awkward and potentially uncomfortable conversations that could lead to increased tension,” reported The Knot. And if the divorced parents can’t even look at each other without breathing fire, experts suggest seating them as far apart as possible.

There are many ways to honor a dead parent at your wedding, without making it uncomfortable for any of the guests

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

Photographs are definitely an option when it comes to keeping a loved one’s memory alive on your big day. But it’s important the pics aren’t placed intrusively. “Keep it accessible for guests, but also not too imposing, in case it can cause upset,” suggests wedding planner, Hannah Rose, adding that there are several other options to keep the memory subtle.

“You could have a photo of them in a small, keyring-sized frame attached to your bouquet, or for the groom, a photo in their inside pocket, so that person is with you when you are at the top of the aisle/walking down the aisle.” Rose says it’s always important for the couple to talk about what they plan to do so they don’t upset each other, or their guests, on the day.

Another simple but effective way of honoring the dead is to pay tribute to them in a speech or toast. Or to play their favorite song during the reception. There is no rule that says you have to honor them on the actual wedding day. It might even be emotionally easier for you to do something special for them a few days before you walk down the aisle.

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However you choose to remember your deceased wedding guest, it’s important to consider the living too

Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)

As U.K. wedding planning site Hitched reports, some people do reserve a seat for their dead relative at the wedding. “While it may feel sad to see an empty chair where they would have been sitting, you could dress a chair as a beautiful honour. Maybe with a photo of them, or a special sign,” reads the site.

“You could even dress it with a bouquet similar to what the bridal party is holding. You can dress it up as much as you like, or just have something simple if you want to keep it more low key.” In this case, it would be wise to take your guests’ feelings into consideration. Especially if you expect them to sit next to the empty chair. Or if the chair in question replaces their own living spouse’s spot at the table.

Some people were confused by the “absurd” seating plan, and wondered if the picture would “get a plate of food”

Many netizens came to the woman’s defence, with one even suggesting the bride puts her late dad’s pic on the bar “next to a bottle of whiskey”

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“Quit making it about you”: some took the bride’s side, and called the mom out for choosing her new husband over her daughter

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