Family comes first - Marcus, his husband, is his family. His mother is not family because she disowned him. This is not complicated.

I love all those people saying "family comes first". They didn't put HIM first over their bigoted racist prejudices but clearly they can put MONEY first over their bigoted racist prejudices. Keep the money from Granpa. If anyone else tells you family comes first, ask them how much money THEY are giving to your mother?

NTA. Don't do it, let the rest of the judgemental family sort it out. What a hypocrite that woman is. She only ever offered conditional love.

There is one thing I noticed that no one has mentioned. It seems based off the story, Grandpa left nothing to the mom but left his grandson something. That tells me more than anything. The rest of the family can put money together and help her. It’s funny how people just want to go to the one person with some money to take care of the situation. They don’t work together as a family to take care of one of their own. He has a family with Marcus now. NTA

As always the YTA are idiots “The homeless man you gave money might be a bad guy”, yeah but he wasn’t bad to you “This is a chance to repair that (relationship)”, he is not the one that has to repair it, “mom” was the one that cut him off and discriminated against him

Where is her apology? Where is the part in which she shows remorse and takes accountability? She said she "forgave him for his lifestyle". That's show what kind of person she is. OP owes her nothing.

All the YTAs can suck it. Why are people so insistent that others need to forgive hatred and rejection as soon as someone in their family need something (usually money)? His mother chose to have a child and then chose to support and love that child only if he fit her specific requirements for 'earning' her support and love. He can forgive her for himself, but he does not owe her anything.

Full disclosure: I didn't read much because it's too infuriating. But I do want to say....if she feels the need to say she "forgives you" then it indicates she thinks there's something wrong that you need to be "forgiven for". She should be begging HIS forgiveness, not vice versa. She's got a lot more work to do.

Tell her to eat a bag of d***s and anyone else that complains can help her

Forgive me for repeating what others may have said but I haven't read all the comments: She will never apologise or try to put things right because she doesn't think she has done anything wrong, she has only contacted you for money, nothing else. And tell the family members who are contacting you to help her instead if they are that bothered.

She's not your Mom anymore, buddy. She vacated the role of Mother when she hated on your relationship and marriage. And the fact that she offers forgiveness rather than apology? She hasn't changed. She hasn't grown. She's just saying what little she thinks might work to manipulate you. Someone who genuinely grew and is worthy of forgiveness STARTS by admitting their mistakes and faults, explains themselves, and makes a commitment to do better from now on. THAT should have happened first. And it should have happened months ago, before the s**t hit the fan. She just wants him to swoop in and save her, but without her having to account for her s****y behavior. No sale.

Blood is thicker than water, but s**t is thicker than both. It’s ridiculous to me than anyone is trying to pressure the OP into helping his mom. This is a decision that is rightly entirely up to him. I don’t think there’s a wrong or right decision, the matter is rather more about expectations. If he helps her will she then be able to see how her past behavior affected her son and be willing to admit to her mistakes and adjust her behavior in the future? I think the only way for him to decide to financially help but accept that she is who she is and help her with no expectations for her to be a better person than before. In this situation the only AH is the mom. Shame on her for hurting her son.

Family comes first, huh? THen why not pay it instead of pointing fingers at someone who was a victim of a hate crime?

Someone else can help Bigot with the bills.

I’m all for leaving the door open to forgive someone. However, it sounds like this mother still hasn’t apologized, and still thinks the son has done something he needs to be forgiven for. Reconciliation can’t be one sided. Giving her money will not fix her situation. It would only be a bandage. If she is making less money, and can’t afford the house, she needs to downsize. If you feel obligated to help, help her budget and plan. I doubt she’d be content with that.

Send her a five dollar bill. One dollar for each year that she has cut you off. Add a sweet note that i

The number of busybodies who call up the OPs in these AITAs is always astounding. Are flying monkeys really that common? I've never experienced more than one or two in my whole 40-odd years on this planet - maybe I'm just blessed?

she's not changed. she said she forgives him which means she STILL thinks he did something wrong, which he didn't

This “Family comes first” BS sounds like some ancient Sicilian dogma the Corleones would have lived by in The Godfather. Today, your actual family are the people who love and support you, whatever is in their DNA.

Id give her nothing and them ringing you who are that bother about her health can pay it themself then.

"there's a chance to repair that" She's only coming forward because she needs something. nothing more, nothing less.

Make her beg for YOUR forgiveness for being a total a*s, and then make her a one time only offer, she MUST create a will, leaving the house to YOU & your hubby, jointly, then give you the right bank-details, and the Only financial assistance you will give her is to pay HALF, only, of the mortgage payment, each month, and if she gives you sh*t for being gay at any time, once you start, or you learn she changed her will, IE, left things to her church, or some charity or ever so hetero relative, that's it, the payments end, there and will NEVER resume. as for family comes first, she is NO LONGER family, she is merely a relative, she made it clear, she disowns you, she can't take it back and expect forgiveness just because you conveniently have money, she wants.

How did she act at the funeral? If she truly had a change of heart, she could have reached out to you there.

That one YTYA is the only actual AH...

Nope! She paved her road when she decided to NOT unconditionally love you and your husband. You don't do that to your kids!

Yes. Family does come first. Unfortunately, for the OP's mother, Marcus is his family since she threw the OP out of her life. So, yes, the money should go to family...OP & Marcus.

you shouldn't trust her. Your guilt is warranted, you want to be an actual decent human being, when she, YOUR MOTHER, was not. Your personal life choices didn't effect her & she should have chosen to be in your corner, because again, guess what, SHE IS THE PARENT. I often struggled with a similar dynamic growing up where I had to act as the 'parent' or adult in situations with my Mom. I think you should pay her mortgage or whatever but only contingent on her putting your name on the dead of the house. Good luck & don't let her back into your heart. Just do the right thing & wish her the best of luck.

Nope. nope nope nope nope. Mom said you were no longer family; you are not obligated to help her out. While it's okay for her to have her opinions, that doesn't give her the right to cut you out and then expect you to help just because family. Nope. Walk away and don't look back. I agree with the "ask the other "family" members to help instead".

It would be good to know how much Mom wants. Does she want everything? How much $ are we talking about. She doesn't deserve anything but people like her will always ask and expect to be paid. If the son bails her out once, that would have to be agreement. They would need to sign on it. Also put the money where it can't be touched so this is the reason the son can't help more. "The financial advisor set us up with xyz and we can't spend that money. Sorry."