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“We’re Divorced Now”: 28 Stories When Folks Stuck With Partners In Hard Times And How It Ended
Interview With Expert
Hard times will come and go, but the people who stand by you through them will most likely stay. At least, that’s what you can hope for. Many folks have made the choice to stay with their friends, partners, or loved ones through their most difficult times, and the outcome of this decision tends to vary.
The folks in this list share different life experiences that happened as a result of sticking with someone they cared about through incredibly tough times. Some stories have happy endings, while others are heartbreaking.
More info: Reddit
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#1
During our hard time... I asked her 'are we fighting to stay together or to pull apart?'
Stopped her in her tracks. She wanted in.
I wanted in.
3 years later we're closer than ever and deeper in love.
It takes two to make commitment work.
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#2
I did for my wife. Hung through 3 years of heavy alcoholism after her mother died prematurely. Not a single person could get through to her during that time, but I hung around and made sure she was at least safe. I essentially handled everything for us for 3 straight years.
She is 1+yr sober now and a completely different person. Shes back!
#3
We were together over 40 years, through some very hard times. Raised kids together. She died unexpectedly. Every day I realize how much I depended on her being there. We had something all right.
Every long-term relationship goes through difficult times, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Of course, nobody wants themselves or their partner to struggle, but sometimes, it’s healthy for folks to deal with such situations together. When people go through things like this, they learn how the other person deals with difficulties and are also able to pick up on their reaction styles.
To understand more about this, Bored Panda reached out to Heather Thom (RPC). She has been a breakup recovery counselor and relationship coach for almost 15 years. She's known for helping people navigate some of the most painful experiences in their lives so they can heal and move forward with clarity and confidence. She also creates helpful advice and analysis videos on her YouTube channel.
Heather shared that “anyone can love you when things are easy, but real intimacy is built in the difficult moments. It’s not just about ‘making it through’ tough times. It’s about who you become as a team because of those times.”
#4
I’m sitting in the hospital cafeteria again grabbing a quick bite to eat because of his heart issues. Hopefully he can come home sooner than last time.
#5
You can stick with a partner through hard times, as long as the partner isn't causing the hard times. Mine was, we're divorced now.
#6
Supported him after he voluntarily quit his job and wanting to do something different. Supported him through school for a few years carrying all financial burdens. He left and told me I was too much. Wanted to come back 2 months later, I made sure that door was sealed shut. I'm now happily enjoying my single life, though sometimes I do wonder if I'll ever meet someone that can make me feel safe again in a relationship.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, be smug knowing they f****d it up.
There are certain factors that can spell doom for a relationship when it enters a period of strife or conflict. According to experts, partners who show contempt for each other, stonewall the other’s attempt at reconciliation, criticize one another, or act defensively may struggle to find common ground and might remain in the conflict.
What’s really important in a healthy relationship is empathy, understanding, and care on both sides. Essentially, both people need to come together and be one team. Heather Thom explained that “couples who support each other through stress don’t just feel better in the moment; they actually grow stronger, more secure, and more connected.”
“Here’s the kicker: staying isn’t about suffering in silence. It’s about staying with presence, with intention, with effort. Because grit without grace? That burns people out. But when two people work with each other, instead of just existing next to each other, the relationship transforms. It’s no longer just ‘you and me,’ it’s ‘us versus the world,’” she shared.
#7
Ha, divorced! She went through hell and I stood beside her.holding her hand through it all, as soon as she started to heal, she decided she didn't want to be mum anymore and moved in with the local plumber. My boys and I are super close and she ignores them in the street and has no contact with them (her choice). My boys are great though, it's been a f*****g hard 6 years but we're all awesome. Though I still hope she drowns in s**t for what she put them through.
BeesEelsAndPups 1 month ago
This is rough. I held my ex wife's hands through some really tough times too. When she got better, she decided she deserved better than me. But at least she is still a great mom to our kids. I can forgive her for her treatment of me.
#8
Stuck it out with my first wife as she was battling cancer. She cheated on me years before but I only found out while she was sick. I didn't leave as we had two kids together. When she passed away from her cancer it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I have since found an amazing partner in life and have enjoyed life to the fullest.
Lila Allen 1 month ago
You showed kindness and compassion for your kids and you took care of their mom when she needed it. That is a great role model
#9
She divorced me the moment things got better. We both went back to school, and after we finished, withing a year, our income doubled. Her's was a little higher than mine. About a year later is when I started suspecting she was running around. A year after that we divorced.
Now, it's 3 years post divorce, she can't keep a job other than fast food, and I got several raises and promotions. So, I guess it worked out for me in the end.
Challenges can affect every kind of relationship, be it platonic, romantic, or familial. What’s most important in such situations is to open the lines of communication and always have respect for the other person. Developing a deeper understanding of oneself and one’s defense mechanisms can also ensure people have the right tools to handle difficult times.
Heather also said: “Let me be clear: your partner isn’t a mind reader. One of the fastest ways to improve communication when things get tough is to stop assuming and start articulating. Be honest about your feelings without throwing emotional grenades.”
“Use what John Gottman coined as ‘soft start-ups,’ For instance, ‘I’m feeling overwhelmed and I really need your support right now,’ not ‘you never listen.’ Communication during hard times is less about finding the perfect words and more about being a safe place for your partner. When your partner wants to open up to you, listen to understand them and ask for what they need.”
“Depending on the situation, they may just want to vent, or feel validated, or they want you to help them find a solution. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarity around what they need at that moment,” Heather added.
#10
Basically, he ghosted me after a 9 year relationship after much sacrifice on my end. So that was nice. Suspected there was another party involved but never got proof.
I'm much more fulfilled and happy now with someone more compatible with me. Heard he's still on the apps.
I'm convinced it's having ungrateful partners like these that makes men and women lose faith in dating. It's not a gender issue but a character issue.
Find someone who is appreciative of you.
LongFang 1 month ago
For 10 yrs i put the bi-polar/narcissic (ex) wife before myself... Long story short, she'd often moan out of nowhere "huh, why didn't i marry a rich man ?" I supported her the 1st 5yrs as she couldn't find work (she tried, specialized field). She cheated once. I stayed. Twice, i divorced. Then got a little inheritance.....
#11
Alone. After he decided he wanted his ex back after 12 years.
I stuck with him through alcoholism, depression, not working, getting arrested. And he threw it all away.
#12
I stuck with him for 17 years and lost my house, my dogs , my credit rating was absolutely shot and I discovered that he had lied about filing our taxes for 3 years. Had to pay back $10k to state and $10k to fed.
Once I got away, a dear friend let me stay with her for a month. Then I got a solid roommate. Was able to get my feet under me, pay my back taxes, and repair my credit rating. Ended up marrying said roommate. We've been together for 7 years and I've never been so happy.
As you might have noticed from this list, some folks were able to stick it out through the hard times, and others weren’t. This is also because when emotions run high, partners may first attack the other person instead of looking inward and understanding themselves better. Giving each other space and grace can be the saving thing for a struggling relationship.
An important point Heather mentioned was: “As a breakup counselor, I know that not all couples make it through difficult times. It doesn’t mean the love wasn’t real. It doesn’t mean the effort didn’t matter, but sometimes, difficulty uncovers deep misalignments in values, in communication, in emotional availability, and no amount of willpower can override that truth.”
“Hard times are clarifying. While they can make some couples stronger, they can also lovingly (or painfully) highlight that the most compassionate next step is letting go,” she shared.
#13
Met my now husband three months before he went on a 10 month deployment halfway across the world. It was super hard and took a lot of work. Totally worth it, though.
I’m now holding our six week old son while he goes and picks up big sister from school.
#14
Still together with two kids, a dog and a happy home. Can’t picture my life without him.
#15
We’re having a baby and are very content and functional. Deeply in love and true partners in everything. We went through a stage where we would get in screaming fights every week for a couple months. One of us storming out. We found our way back but we had to decide to not let it get that way anymore. We had the talk and realized neither of us was going anywhere so there was just no point in hurting each other. Very proud of us.
If only life were sweet, clear, and free of any difficulties, everything would be perfect. The reality is that we often need to experience the tough moments in order to appreciate the good times. Every relationship also needs to face obstacles so that it can become strong and be stable for anything else that may come.
However the relationships in this list turned out, it’s important to understand that maintaining a bond with someone requires love, care, and patience. As long as you’ve got that, you might be able to handle anything.
What do you think might be the biggest predictor of a lasting relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
#16
Past them. Went from selling anything of value to live to owning a home with a little land and in our 17 yrs of being together we are still not only husband/wife, but best friends who have grown together closer than we ever thought possible.
#17
Found out last week that the “hard times” I stayed through couldn’t touch what was ACTUALLY happening behind my back. Trust your instincts I hate my life right now.
#18
I’m about to get divorced because he decided that he no longer needed medication and that he could start bashing me instead.
Twelve years of marriage. F**k him.
#19
She left to live with her ex and was shocked i didn't want to take her back and pretend everything is hunky dorey.
Lila Allen 1 month ago
I'm always stunned when the cheater thinks they will get taken back after the affair partner dumps them.... seriously??
#20
Married for 13 years now. We have a son as well. I finally found someone that was in it to win it just like me, and we've tackled everything to come our way since we met.
Homelessness, long distance between us, losing jobs, losing friends, family, pets. Nothing has torn us apart or made us even fight each other. We just bond together even stronger.
#21
Divorced lmao, with full custody of my kids. She went through the mother of all mid-life crises, started reading romantic (word p**n) novels, three hundred to be exact, and decided that I wasn’t romantic enough. How was I supposed to compete with Fabio? She cheated on me with some chad twenty years younger than her so I kicked her to the curb. I’ve never been happier.
#22
Life force completely robbed from me, years of opportunities missed at the peak of my life, thousands of dollars down the drain, my looks have tanked I’ve aged 10 years in the last four, and every single thing in my life has fallen apart because of a man that treated me horrible.
Jay Scales 1 month ago
Similar story here, altho over a much longer period. Best not to spend time longing for 'what if...', but try to move onwards.
#23
She cheated. I supported her through the death of her father and many other difficult things but all lead to me getting my heart broken. I’m glad I did support her and I’m also relieved that she’s out of my life. I’m more relieved than I’m alone and I can pour more energy into looking out for myself because that’s something I neglected for many years because someone else always came first. Life is blissful now.
#24
She broke up with me after putting me $2000 in credit card debt. She's now living across the street with a d**g a****t young enough to be her son. I'm not saying I'll never date or trust again but she certainly taught me a valuable lesson about whom I let into my life.
#25
Living mortgage free in a lovely place, semi retired and having a relaxing life.
#26
She dumped me immediately when things got better lol.
#27
Single since as soon as I hit a hard time she bailed jumped ship and found a new man...
#28
Still married about to be going on 8 years in April! Happy , living in Texas. Still go thru hard times but know we will be ok after having gone thru a big one before.
Lila Allen 1 month ago
Well living in Texas right now definitely fits the definition of hard times
Poll Question
Do you believe that sticking by a partner through difficulties strengthens the relationship?
Yes, absolutely
Sometimes
Not really
No
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
When he realized I was finally serious about leaving him after 24 years of absolute misery and suffering on my part: "I'll change! I'll change!" Pandas, he did not change. XD He started wearing shirts with cute or funny things on them (like I do) instead of his normal monochromatic plain shirts as an "indication" that he could be different. The leopard did not change its spots. It tried painting them a different color, but the spots were still there.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
Had a neighbor who said she was going to leave her husband as soon as their kids were out of the house. Then he suddenly became "romantic" only to slide back into his old ways. By then she figured there was too much invested in the marriage to quit it. She should have left long, long ago ... Hope you found your freedom!
Load More Replies...
Auntriarch 1 month ago
Mr Auntriarch is stepping up to the plate in ways I wouldn't even have imagined. He does so much for my parents, and me, I mean I knew he was a good'un or I wouldn't have married him, but I had no idea how good he would turn out to be. And it'll doubtless get worse before it gets better.
E Menendez 1 month ago
We are child-free not by choice having suffered many losses. But we have made it through and are still dedicated to each other and are the best of friends. What we have been through has destroyed many relationships and I consider us lucky to have our relationship stronger on the other side.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
When he realized I was finally serious about leaving him after 24 years of absolute misery and suffering on my part: "I'll change! I'll change!" Pandas, he did not change. XD He started wearing shirts with cute or funny things on them (like I do) instead of his normal monochromatic plain shirts as an "indication" that he could be different. The leopard did not change its spots. It tried painting them a different color, but the spots were still there.
Mel in Georgia 1 month ago
Had a neighbor who said she was going to leave her husband as soon as their kids were out of the house. Then he suddenly became "romantic" only to slide back into his old ways. By then she figured there was too much invested in the marriage to quit it. She should have left long, long ago ... Hope you found your freedom!
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 1 month ago
Mr Auntriarch is stepping up to the plate in ways I wouldn't even have imagined. He does so much for my parents, and me, I mean I knew he was a good'un or I wouldn't have married him, but I had no idea how good he would turn out to be. And it'll doubtless get worse before it gets better.
E Menendez 1 month ago
We are child-free not by choice having suffered many losses. But we have made it through and are still dedicated to each other and are the best of friends. What we have been through has destroyed many relationships and I consider us lucky to have our relationship stronger on the other side.
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