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We all want to show ourselves as the best versions we can be, especially when meeting new people, at work or on a date. But there’s just so much that we can fake it.
Our true selves will start to open up sooner or later, and it’s not always pretty. This thought-provoking Ask Reddit thread shone a light on the most important red flags that reveal a person may not be as nice as they pretend to be.
“What's a dead giveaway that someone is not a good person?” the Redditor Ricky1g asked people and below we wrapped up some of the most interesting responses.
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#2
How someone treats another person based on their job title. Anyone who treats a server, maid, garbage person, etc like c**p is just telling the world how much a piece they are.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
The key is respecting jobs like this - they are all useful and some essential. Respect for the person doing the job will then follow.
#3
They make fun of someone with a disability
a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago
i think making non-teasingly making fun of a stranger in general is a giveaway..
#4
Nothing is ***ever*** their fault.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
Except when they pull the douche move, 'It's my fault for trusting you to do it'.
#5
They don't concede defeat after a full snd fair election and encourage violence to attempt to subvert democracy.
#6
They say ”go back to your country”.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
The people who say this can't go back to their own country - the Confederate States of America does not exist.
#7
It's always about them.
They're always the hero or always the victim in their stories.
Can't take criticism but probably dish it out to everyone else.
They're never wrong.
grzesiek_balcerak 2 years ago
That's pretty typical for narcissists. People like this are indeed toxic af but I would not 100% blame them for having a personality disorder
#9
Seeing as half of these comments are not actually describing *bad* people, I’m going to go ahead and say people who constantly judge others on the minor flaws in their character.
Some people have very low self esteem, some people have ADHD, some people are trying to unlearn toxic traits that they were brought up with. Nobody is perfect and it’s never so black and white. If you instantly write someone off as a bad person because they cut you off while you’re talking, they always talk about themselves etc then you’re going to be in for a shock because most adult human beings have flaws in their character. With a bit of patience and open mindedness you can overlook these and maybe find some amazing qualities.
Me personally I find it really hard to gel with people who constantly pick at other peoples characters for minor things. Sure, let’s string up the sex offenders and murderers. But that woman in the office that you can’t stand because she seems rude when you talk to her might just have crippling social anxiety, and talking to you might just make her feel like she’s being dragged through glass. You think she’s a b***h but behind closed doors she struggles to leave the house every day. Not so black and white.
#10
They constantly say or do things where their only justification for doing so is "*It was just a joke*" when called out on it.
#11
When they cannot bring themselves to celebrate someone else’s success.
GirlFriday 2 years ago
I have a coworker that cannot stand it if someone else gets praised. Another coworker won an award from an industry magazine (this was very prestigious if you are in the same line of business as us), and the company had a lunch and the COO congratulated her, etc. The entire time, this coworker complained about the food, sneered at the cake, rolled her eyes during the speeches, etc. She is like this at office baby showers, birthday parties, etc. She just hates to see anyone else have good news or get positive attention.
#12
If they are willing to gaslight you. I have memory problems due to MS, and when someone is willing to bend your reality there is a huge moral issue happening.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago
That’s not only gaslighting, it’s exploiting another person’s disability. The person you are supposed to trust the most to safeguard your vulnerabilities (family member, spouse, best friend, etc) should never ever use them against you.
#13
When you express a boundary, they try to guilt trip you, pressure you, or threaten you to try and force you to do things you don’t want to do.
a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago
yeah that’s a sure sign to leave. if they can’t respect boundaries, it’s unlikely they will respect you.
#14
In my experience, if they begin a statement with “well, as a christian…” they’re a PoS person. (Not because they’re christian, there are good ones out there, but these people are just hiding behind their faith)
pug nose curly tail 2 years ago
A true Christian should never have to tell you they're a Christian. You should be able to tell by their actions. IMHO
#15
I guess a subtle one is them treating you differently in public vs how they treat you privately. These can both go either way.
Snorkeldorf 2 years ago
My mom was like that. She was always soooooo concerned about what other people thought of her or what they might think. In front of others she was the best mother in the world. In private she was intolerant and verbally, sometimes physically, abusive.
#16
They are mean to animals or hate animals for no reason. I certainly understand allergies and that is a VERY good reason not to be around animals. I am talking about HATING animals. ALL animals for no reason.
Snazzy Smurf 2 years ago
Sometimes a person's hate or dislike for animals comes from some type of trauma or interaction that they just aren't willing to share. A childhood dog incident or such can scar a person for life. If they are verbally expressing their hate to others that is one thing. But, taking it out on innocent animals is another.
#17
How they talk about their significant other/spouse/partner/whatever. If you talk s**t about the person you supposedly love, you are a giant mountain of garbage.
InvincibleRodent 2 years ago (edited)
Yep. If they don't have a kind word to say about a person they claim to love, that speaks volumes about either their relationship, the person themselves, or both.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
I know it's silly to quote a tv show, but something I heard on West Wing always stayed with me when it came to relationships. They were talking about the president and someone said 'the level of respect and the way we talk about you doesn't change whether you're in the room or not." I love that quote for relationships, too. Because it's really true. I don't care what's going on in your relationship or with your friends, deal with it together and always be on their side publicly. I don't mean to generalize but especially for women, this is such a huge thing. I just want my partner to be on my side no matter what. If I'm wrong, let other people tell me that or tell me in private unless it's something really serious but I need you to be my partner. We should be a team. I'm not saying you can't have a little ribbing especially if you're talking with friends about your partner, but there should never be anything disrespectful said or allowed to be said about them.
Carol Emory 2 years ago
That's interesting...because now that you say it, I've never bad mouthed my husband to anyone...not even my family. My mother, on the other hand, would gossip and bad mouth people she considered friends to anyone who would listen. I just learned to stop listening to her and she stopped calling me.
Viper Dogfish 2 years ago
And I would never understand these kind of people. I have nothing but good things to say about my partner. She had a rough beginnings and is still dealing with traumas, so it's not always easy... but f**k it, that's what I am here for. Me and her are both in this together. So if you're talking s**t about your loved one, you're a pure, unrefined pos
Commit_Fire (it/ they/he) 2 years ago
I hate that people treat their partners this way. I do make fun of my bf but he does know I am joking and that I do really love him.
Alex Bailey 2 years ago
I can only speak about the people I have met in these scenarios (more than you would wish was the case) and, very sadly, they rarely spoke badly about their abusive partner, not while in the relationship with them (OP does seem to mean a current relationship). That's also bearing in mind that they probably had that love knocked out of them by this time.
Load More Replies... #18
Confederate flags on their car, property, or tattooed on their body are a good indicator.
#19
If they brag about how they pulled a fast one on other people. As if to say how smart/slick they are and everyone else is stupid.
Carol Emory 2 years ago
Like the hair stylist I went to who proceeded to tell me that she sometimes pulls pranks on her Vegan friends by putting chicken broth or other meat products in potluck items and calling them vegan. I bit my lip until she finished my hair and then complained to her manager saying anyone willing to do that is a horrible person. Some people go vegan for medical issues. She could have seriously hurt someone.
#20
Someone who yells at you for crying
Squirrelly Panda 2 years ago
"I'll give you something to cry about!" As someone who tears up easily I really hated as a child hearing that phrase from an adult. If I could control the waterworks I wouldn't be crying.
#21
If they veil insulting, derogatory or generally aggressive comments as humor.
#22
MAGA hat.
CatchTheWind 2 years ago
Responding to Nycra: MAGA hats are not just "a choice of head accessories." They are a political statement. Big difference.
#23
When a person needs to explain to you in a conversation that they are actually a good person.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
I’m old, and after putting in over six decades of life, I have come to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in the world: nice people and assholes. Sometimes assholes can be nice, and sometimes good people can be assholes, but you are basically one or the other—-and it is up to everybody else, not you, to decide which you are.
#24
They don't put the shopping cart back in the corral once they're done with it
#26
They never apologize.
#27
Treating people well only if they can benefit from them in some way. If they treat you well, but treat random people like s**t, they aren't good people. And they'll treat you like s**t too if you ever stop being of use to them.
#28
Thinking that their own convenience is more important than others inconvience.
#29
There's a lot of hints
A very subtle one is them walking on wet floors in front of the cleaning person without apologizing
Carol Emory 2 years ago
Yesterday I went to a company meeting at a hotel where they served breakfast. Staff was on standby in case anything needed replacing. I was the first one in line to tell them "Thank you for the breakfast." Others finally realized that it was a nice thing to do and started complimenting how good everything looked. Be nice to these people. They bust can making these meals for you. The least you can do is tell them you are grateful for their effort.
#30
I’ve always held that if someone gossips TO you then they’ll most surely gossip ABOUT you to others.
Also, if someone tells you something that they were told in confidence then you absolutely cannot trust them to keep anything you tell them to themselves, even if asked to.
Big red flags.
Himory TheDreamer 2 years ago
I don't think I really understand what gossip is. I asked my boyfriend awhile ago and he said it's like when he tells me about the fights he's had with people. But I don't see why that's is seen as so bad, it's something that happened to him, it's the explanation as to why he disliking certain people, so why would it be bad? And me right now describing what he said, is it gossip? Like by that logic people could never tell about any situation that happened in their like that involved a third person. It just doesn't make any sense to me.
#31
People who are always trying to manipulate a situation from the smallest things to the bigger issues. It is exhausting to be around them.
#32
Constantly interrupting. Worse : not listening.
Hotdogking 2 years ago
Not entirely fair. I’m constantly interrupting people because I can’t control my impulses and have trouble listening due to severe ADHD. You shouldn’t immediately write someone off as a shitbag for something like this
#33
Idolizing serial killers. I was perplexed when I saw fan pages for Jeffrey Dahmer, Richard Ramirez, or the Columbine Shooters on Twitter.
Or, Kicking your child out of the house for no reason once they turn 18 years old.
Also, I'm not sure if this is a controversial take, but if the Bible or any religious stuff serves as your source of morality, you are not a good person imo.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
As an atheist, I disagree with the last. The whole purpose of religious texts was to teach morality. It's additions made at later dates that corrupted the message. It's making wild interpretations where one wasn't necessary, 'And he looked upon a black horse and brown camel drinking water together from the stagnant pool, and he waived his arms and chased the beasts away', "Well I guess that means we should get black and brown people out of our country and that will get rid of the stagnation" Seriously??? NO! WTF' He was just stopping them from drink the dirty fecking water! Stop seeing shite that isn't there! The WHOLE book isn't a metaphor, just a few parts!
#34
A former coworker of mine showed herself to be completely psychotic on her first day.
The entire day everything seemed normal, then right at the end of the day she came into my office laughing hysterically because she had to show me a video.
It was a video of a guy jumping off a water tower. She said "He bounced real good" with the most maniacal grin on her face. She didn't last long.
#35
A lot of times they’ll straight up tell you. Anybody who gleefully tells you “I’m such an a*****e” or “I’m such a b***h” is usually not joking, even if they say it while laughing.
What do you think ?
Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
Anyone who explains their behavior as "I'm just brutally honest."
Grace and Lucy 2 years ago
Yes. It's called using honesty like a blunt instrument.
Load More Replies...
Sonja 2 years ago
Well, I had two roomies who described themselves that way .. and then apologized for breathing too loud. It's something a highly insecure person who's made to think their mere existence is a bother would also say.
Load More Replies...
Enlee Jones 2 years ago
People who present they as morally superior just because they are religious.
Heliocracy 2 years ago
They're not all bad, some of them are just drooling morons.
Load More Replies... Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
I would love to see an article on here that's the reverse of this. Instead of dead giveaways someone is a "bad person", let's list some dead giveaways that someone is a "good person".
harpling 2 years ago
Yes! Things like complimenting someone behind their back, being careful of how they walk/ drive/ park/ sit so they don't endanger people, making an effort to communicate with people who have a hard time doing so, etc.
Load More Replies...
UncleRussian 2 years ago
Anyone who uses the sentence structure of "I'm not blank, but..." yes you are, shut it
TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago (edited)
Local policians can be nice and push for benefitial things, usually the "bigger" ones got into higher positions by kissing a lot of asses
Load More Replies...
Richard Ross 2 years ago
Anyone that makes unnecessary noise. Loud cars. Music etc in public places.
Randy Sanders 2 years ago
I think perhaps ALL of us, conservative and liberal, could do with reading this list over and over. Then actually give it some real thought. Then do it.
Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
A rising tide lifts all boats, celebrate everyone’s achievements, be their ally, that way all of our boats get lifted up. When you don’t celebrate or acknowledge their achievements it says a lot more about you than it does about them, they’ve still got the victory but you’ve just got bitterness. Even if it’s a binary as winning or losing at sport or a game there’s more depth of character in those who win and lose graciously and fairly. You can be driven to be better, you can be gutted to have lost but still congratulate the winner.
Shane S 2 years ago
In the western world, not following the norm on public transportation- like standing on the wrong side of the moving sidewalk, or not allowing people to exit the subway before entering. That shows a lack of regard for others to me. May be different in other parts of the world where you have to force your way in, or you won’t get in at all.
MeMosabe 2 years ago
Those who can't tolerate or not abuse and insult those who think differently than they do. "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." -- Robert Frost. "All of our opinions are ultimately based on unproven and unprovable moral premises." -- UCLA law Prof. Eugene Volokh
Powerful Katrinka 2 years ago
Anyone who explains their behavior as "I'm just brutally honest."
Grace and Lucy 2 years ago
Yes. It's called using honesty like a blunt instrument.
Load More Replies... Sonja 2 years ago
Well, I had two roomies who described themselves that way .. and then apologized for breathing too loud. It's something a highly insecure person who's made to think their mere existence is a bother would also say.
Load More Replies... Enlee Jones 2 years ago
People who present they as morally superior just because they are religious.
Heliocracy 2 years ago
They're not all bad, some of them are just drooling morons.
Load More Replies... Rahul Pawa 2 years ago
I would love to see an article on here that's the reverse of this. Instead of dead giveaways someone is a "bad person", let's list some dead giveaways that someone is a "good person".
harpling 2 years ago
Yes! Things like complimenting someone behind their back, being careful of how they walk/ drive/ park/ sit so they don't endanger people, making an effort to communicate with people who have a hard time doing so, etc.
Load More Replies... UncleRussian 2 years ago
Anyone who uses the sentence structure of "I'm not blank, but..." yes you are, shut it
TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago (edited)
Local policians can be nice and push for benefitial things, usually the "bigger" ones got into higher positions by kissing a lot of asses
Load More Replies... Richard Ross 2 years ago
Anyone that makes unnecessary noise. Loud cars. Music etc in public places.
Randy Sanders 2 years ago
I think perhaps ALL of us, conservative and liberal, could do with reading this list over and over. Then actually give it some real thought. Then do it.
Gavin Johnson 2 years ago
A rising tide lifts all boats, celebrate everyone’s achievements, be their ally, that way all of our boats get lifted up. When you don’t celebrate or acknowledge their achievements it says a lot more about you than it does about them, they’ve still got the victory but you’ve just got bitterness. Even if it’s a binary as winning or losing at sport or a game there’s more depth of character in those who win and lose graciously and fairly. You can be driven to be better, you can be gutted to have lost but still congratulate the winner.
Shane S 2 years ago
In the western world, not following the norm on public transportation- like standing on the wrong side of the moving sidewalk, or not allowing people to exit the subway before entering. That shows a lack of regard for others to me. May be different in other parts of the world where you have to force your way in, or you won’t get in at all.
MeMosabe 2 years ago
Those who can't tolerate or not abuse and insult those who think differently than they do. "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." -- Robert Frost. "All of our opinions are ultimately based on unproven and unprovable moral premises." -- UCLA law Prof. Eugene Volokh
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