This!

I’ve occasionally questioned my normal-ness: shouldn’t every healthy adult animal want to perpetuate the species, at least a little? Shouldn’t I have instincts to reproduce? But I don’t XD I want cats and dogs!

It concerns me that it is often regarded as ‘selfishness’. Your entire life is changed, completely. There is nothing wrong with looking after ‘you’. There are enough children in the world, focus on being a better human being for yourself, so the your own freedoms.

Good point. You need to be wanting kids 100%. You can’t take it back. Plus it’s important that a child is brought into the world and know they are absolutely wanted.

Yes! I'm also one of those people, and I'm taking your advice further and will cross the road over to escape children.

Thank you for being honest with your experience. Seriously

They don’t care if you’re sick, tired, exhausted, hungover, or just need breaks. You’re always on. Even when they grow up you’re never done worrying about them because we’re very world weary by that point and they’re not seasoned.

I agree with this very much. I've said numerous times, I love my two little monsters to pieces. I have two teenagers, a girl and a boy who is autistic and nonverbal. Getting him to sleep past 545/6a on the weekends never happens. They're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn't give them up for anything in this Earth. It sure would be nice to get some sleep though. I'm just saying. Lol

They don’t really leave till way after 18

I'm sure there are MANY more parents who feel exactly this way but are afraid to say it for fear of being labeled bad people.

Tbh, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, but it doesn't get better when they are adults honey. I have 3 adults kids and the younger 2 I could wring their necks sometimes. My middle kid felt like I should fight his battles for him and he has 2 kids himself! Wtf you mean?! Then I was all types of useless b*tches and dumb, amongst other things. My youngest called the police on me and had me arrested because I took her phone in which I paid the bill. If I had've known parenthood was going to be like this, I would have never had any, or I would have stopped at my first child, because he gave me no problems at all.

My middle daughter aged 26 is a narcissistic person. She destroys everyone she comes across by abusing us. Even her two sisters have gone no contact with her same as I've done. She continues to make life hell for us. Her oldest sister has 3 children, 7, 5 and 1 and I see them frequently. Babysit the older two maybe 1 or 2 nights a month but haven't started taking the baby as well. A couple of weeks ago my md turned up at my door, banging on it, continually ringing the bell and trying to get in. I was doing dishes and went to the door and said I had nothing to say to her and I wanted her to leave. She refused. I called my eldest daughter to ask what I should do because I get so much anxiety around md. Call the police she said so I did. Md was gone when 2 cars came. 1 car went to her apartment, one came inside to take my statement and the other one took a statement over the phone from my ed. Found out

I totally agree with this. As a single father, of now young adults I can say the hardest lesson I learned is that no matter how much you are there for your kids and how much you guide them, they are going to be the kind of people they choose to be. And if they make good life choices that's great. But if they don't, you are still expected to clean up their messes. If you don't, you get the guilty trip that no matter what you should do everything for them. People think that being a good parent is all on you. But in reality, it has a lot to do with the people your children choose to be. It really is a two way street. I have tried to teach my kids that pretty much everything that happens to you in life is mostly based on personal decisions you make. And I guess having kids is part of that, but know that once you have kids, the decisions they make also have an affect on you. I love my kids, but if I had it all over to do again I definitely would not.

I appreciate your honesty. However, my rewards of being a parent come when my kids accomplish something they've been working toward or when one of them call me and say, "Hey momma I need to talk". There were times when my daughter was younger that I truly believe I hated her. I realize now that was my inadequacy in dealing with her ADHD. I fully support anyone who chooses not to have children and wish like hell more people would not have them.

And, fair point; IF they become adults and IF they leave home. Because there's always a chance your kid needs life long care.

This! Everyday of my life! But if you say this out loud you're a horrible mother. 😑

I couldn't agree more. I've four children. My kids span over two generations. One is 26, another's 18, and two younger one's 10 and 6. I never intentionally got pregnant nor had I envisioned myself with four children. Children are an enormous expense, physically, mentally, and emotionally draining because you must find it within yourself to give the best of yourself to your children. Instill in them a good moral compass, provide them with the best education that you're capable of. Staying on top of what is happening with them in their school studies, their grades, and in summer you have to work on summer education so they don't forget what they learned in the previous school year and as well get an introduction to the next school year. If 5hey have any subjects that they struggle in, you must either tutor them yourself or hire a tutor to come aid their progress.They also need extracurricular activities to do outside with other people their age. There's virtually no time for yourself.

They leave for college and then they come home. These days, with inflation and sky rocketing housing costs, they bring their spouses home too. And then they get pregnant and you have a grandbaby in the house you thought you'd have to yourself - along with no money because you're still helping them. And yes, the love and wonder of children but still.

Yes: you are wecome to answer this one. We who chose against parenthood thank you for your honesty and authenticity. It's a cautionary tale for anybody who is on the fence, whose heart is really saying "nooooo!" What support do you get from others? What does Mother's /Father's Day do for you every year? Many (likely most) of us appreciate your perspective, and it can give a needed push to say no to parenthood without guilt, to help resist pressure from others around them stuck in old counter a productive thinking. Do you have those bottles of champagne ready?

Dude, I can’t agree with this enough 😆🤣 I have 3 boys & 6 bonus kiddos, all ages 5-17. Kids are hard & they really do suck you dry as a human being sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️

This. All of this. I don't want to regret it.

Your honesty is refreshing. Most parents will not express these facts.

There is nothing rewarding about raising kids?! I could go on forever about the rewards I've gotten, be it my 18-year-old daughter hugging me and telling me she's so glad that we love her, care about her, and raised her with boundaries after a classmate, whom she knew had un-involved, absent parents, committed suicide recently; or my son, who is learning disabled, successfully completing half of his college courses because we've always told him he can do anything he wants to set his mind to. Watching your kids nurturing their talents, whether it's dance or playing a musical instrument, is rewarding, plus just so much more. My kids are caring, thoughtful, kind and happy. That's more than enough for me.

I can totally appreciate this as a parent who has 4! Two of which are adults and two on their way to being and I love tf outta them but holy hell does it suck. They themselves are great! But the exhaustion (mental, spiritual, physical) and it being hard to save money blows. Also worrying about them being safe drives me absolutely insane. Especially when I have no control over where they are and who they're with (the adult children) It's seriously just too much

Now THIS is a real person, expressing the truth. You

You assume that they will mature enough to be responsible adults and move out.

I totally understand. I got married too young, 19, Love of my Life. 5yrs into it he really wanted to have kids. I was not necessarily opposed. @ 24 I had my son. 28 months later I had my daughter. Draining yea, my son was colicky never slept, my daughter perfect Gerber baby. 15 yrs into marriage, he checked out. Now @ 34 I was a single Mom raising 2 preteens, literally by myself. Hardest job ever... within 3 yrs, I took in a 13 yr old Foster, simply because her mother told her she took up too much of her time & money. All graduated HS & college. I felt very successful & accomplished. The struggle was REAL & worth it to me. They are now living their own self sufficient lives & I have 5 grands. The payoff has been the Grands. I love the time spent with them. It's all how you approach life. I completely understand those that choose not to have children. It is a lifetime commitment. My X didn't seem to comprehend the word commitment to marriage or children.

3 months into my second child's life, I had a breakdown and screamed "why did we do this AGAIN?? I don't understand our decision making and I question our sanity"

Someone else who feels like me. Wow.

OMG....I felt the same. LOVE my kids but OMG I couldn't wait til they were all grown. They grew up and I got remarried and started FINALLY doing me....And now I have to raise my teen and pre teen grandkids because my daughter died. I love them, but raising kids in this digital age...I am NOT cut out for this opinionated a$z generation. So now I gotta do this "mom" thing AGAIN...I love them dearly...but I wanna run away....FOREVER..or until the youngest is out of college. Lol

I'm a mom of 3 and I've been doing this alone for a year now. All of my kids are under 5, btw. I totally agree with everything you said. Any mom that pretends she don't feel like this from time to time is a liar.

This. So much this. I never wanted any. Have 3 because I felt like that's what I was supposed to do. But I hate what it has done to my life. Like the OP, I'd give my life for them. I do love them. But I don't like anything about being a parent. Especially now as a widowed single parent. I had them for HIM! 🤦‍♀️ Please don't be me. It's not selfish. Not everyone is meant for kids.

OMFG I agree and relate to this so HARD right now 😣. I love my kids. I really really do. But God damn do these little f*****s try my patience sometimes 🤬.

My dad says having adult children is the best thing ever. He likes seeing the people we've become and likes having us as friends. Something to look forward to, maybe. :)

Well, there is one major compensation. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids. My son was a major PITA from ages 11 to 18. Now he’s grown and married and my grandson is the joy of my life. ( But he’s in preadolescence now and my son complains he is a PITA, and all I can do is gloat.)

Theres life after kids! I had four, and wanted them. That was that part of my life. When they were old enough to be in school I went out to work. My husband was a PhD student and we needed the extra income. Once they left home (at 16 be ause apparently we were the worst parents in the world 🤣🤣🤣) we went to town. Redid the house. Made office space for ourselves. I went back to school for Masters Degree and continued working. Now my kids are late 40’s, early 50’s, and theyve realised we were decent parents. They have their own kids. At 75 i got a third degree - went overseas to do it. I love my kids, adore my grandkids, but they have their lives and we have ours. Be patient. Your kids leavs and you will find you're a whole dofferent person, more mature and still lots of life to live.

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(CONT)posted 1 correctly? part 2: One afternoon SO & I were out shopping, when we got home there was a note on our door, kids were not home, note said we needed to talk to neighbors. Step-daughter started to fake a suicide so she could get to a hospital and complain(nothing could have happened to her) & she went screaming to the neighbors, who had to call an ambulance (they were watching youngest child). We raced up to the hospital, seems the child, (who was now 16) had informed the staff that she did NOT want see me. I had ruined their lives. Now she wants to live with mother (but mother does not want her, dad had called her)! My SO told her to get packed as he would take her there. Now child has a meltdown & started to screaming, refusing to go. Went to a counselor. Lies continued. Problems now with both kids. They moved on into their own relationships, which didn't last but they started having their own kids (plural!). Now they all beg for $$$! Didn't pay their bills! Kids, ME NO!!!

I have a grown daughter and let me tell you. If I could go back in time. She is selfish, inconsiderate and has always put everyone over me. I raised her by myself and made sure she always had what she needs. She has six kids and thinks it's my responsibility to watch them whenever she needs a break. It's too much. You don't have that many kids and think you can unload them at will. She recently received a stipend from work that is for my babysitting the kids for her while she worked. Tells me she can't pay me the money she has to leave it in the bank to let it accumulate so she has a certain amount for a house. Because it's OK for me to be the person who buys the majority of their clothes, highchairs, just about everything. It's so much to this story I would need a year I just feel so disrespected. I usually work overtime but, due to the stress of my job I cut back on that so I could use the money. I'm just fed up with her and her choices. I would go back in time and have an abortion.