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Dating in the 21st century is by no means easy. As a result, a lot of people are still single even though they would make a wonderful partner. But through various unfortunate twists of fate, it simply hasn’t worked out for them. At the same time, there are those out there who are single for a reason.
So someone asked “What is causing your friend to remain single that you don't have the heart to tell them?” and the people of the internet gave their brutally honest answers. So get comfortable, upvote your favorites, and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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#1
Anger issues. In men, this is a non-negotiable red flag for most women.
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#2
His standards are unrealistic. He’s a 4 or 5 on a good day but is only interested in women if they’re an 8 or higher. He’s also very overweight, but constantly points out women’s weight on dating apps and how it’s a deal breaker if they look to be anything above a US 5. I didn’t realize all of this was to such an extreme until myself and the rest of his friend’s wives sat down and went through dating profiles of different women who liked his profile just for him to continuously criticize their appearance for such mundane reasons. We were trying to give him advice on how to talk to women (per his request) and it became blatantly obvious to all of us why he was struggling. It completely changed my opinion of him.
#3
Peter Pan syndrome.
My 58 yo friend is a super nice person, but refuses to grow up...he's still mentally 21. Tries to dress like kids in their 20s. Won't date women over 30. Still clubbin (yes, he calls it "clubbin", and yes he's the cringey "old guy at the club"). Goes to skate parks to "hang". Botox his face regularly and has that awful black hair dye job he does himself at home. And talks like a 13 yo, unironically (lots of "likes", and "whatevs", and "brahs").
It's ridiculously embarrassing, and any woman who even partially has her s**t together is completely turned off by him. And he doesn't see it, no matter how gently his friends try to tell him. He calls it being "young at heart". Says that's why he won't date women in his age range, because they don't know how to have fun🙄
In reality, he won't date women in his age range because they call him on his s**t. Younger women are easier for him to control and manipulate. His parents left him quite a bit of money and he simply doesn't understand that this is why 20 yo girls date him.
#4
It's not his height. It's his obsession with it.
#5
Her standards are excessively too high. She brings nothing to a relationship. She's a walking contradiction, all of which is why she is single.
I think it's great to have standards and high standards but hers is just a checklists of "wants".
#6
I always wondered why she couldnt get a date because she is gorgeous, until I saw her flirting with someone. First night they met, flirted, swapped numbers. Then, immediately clingy. Talking in baby voice to him and making baby noises. He made a completely inoffensive comment which she found offensive, and threatened to slap him. Not shocking at all when he never called.
#8
He's become a full-on incel. According to him, all "females" are going to cheat on him and use him for money (which he doesn't have). A lot of us have distanced ourselves from him because he can't stop himself when he rants that his brother (who he whines about being overweight and short) is engaged while he's still single. The man is 31 and still expects that he will meet a high income virgin who will "support him" so he can focus on his "business ideas" and have no problem having his kids while still working because he considers SAHMs as taking advantage of their husband's.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Don't you just love it when some guy wants a 'traditional' relationship but the woman still has to do paid work as well?
#9
Got a now ex-friend (unrelated, that f****r betrayed me and nearly f****d my career over for no discernable reason) who was way into the Andrew Tate s**t. He wondered why he could never get a girl. We all pointed to the literal misogyny s**t - not the buzzwordy type, but like actual "women are inferior beings and you should treat them as such" s**t. Wouldn't have it. Who knew treating people like trash makes them avoid you like the plague?
I'm also the single friend, but I know exactly why. I don't put myself out there, and I much prefer the solitary lifestyle. It's stress-free outside of work, and I do everything for myself with no compromising or negotiating. People are stressful, even those you love - and I'm very easily stressed. Frankly, I've got a hell of a lot of soul-searching and self reflection to do before I drag someone else into my life.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
There's nothing wrong with being single if that's your choice.
#10
He’s 38, has never lived out of home, never had full time job. Can’t cook, can’t clean and it doesn’t matter cause mommy does all that stuff for him anyway. Unemployment goes on Pop Vinyl’s and video games and renting storage for his Pops because his room can’t hold them any more.
Thinks that any kind of representation is pandering, cause he’s racist, homophobic and ableist. Women who like what he likes are either unattractive or faking it, but he can’t date a woman who doesn’t watch anime or read comic books.
He’s got really good personal hygiene tho and puts his sheets out to be washed by Mum regularly.
#11
My mate is gay but openly supports the Conservative Party, this is a turn off to most of the men he’s attracted to and ultimately his political stances stand in the way of him being happy.
#12
I have a friend who constantly attaches herself to the worst men possible, gets treated like trash, and then reaches out to us for rescue. We tell her every time that the men she are seeing are horrible. Nice guys are always labeled as boring, or she finds an excuse not to be interested. "He has dinner with his mother 2-3 times a week. I'm not dating a momma's boy " But the guy who ditched her at a concert twice? He's alright. At this point, I'm convinced she just likes being rescued
François Bouzigues 1 year ago (edited)
She mistakes attraction for trauma response. There is a way out if she is willing to
#14
He can't seem to let go of the idea that women in their 20s don't all want to date men in their 40s. Some do, that's cool, but his dating pool is very small and he is always so confused and mad by that. He just doesn't understand he's not a silver fox, he needs to give women closer to his age a chance.
#15
Desperation. From laughing way too hard at mediocre jokes to bringing up marriage on the 1st date, she reeks of it. We have all tried talking to her about it to no avail. The sad thing is that if she was just her regular funny, smart, relaxed self then men would be falling over themselves trying to get her number.
#16
He has a really strange and off-putting way of interacting with women he sees as a potential partner. I’m a woman too but just a friend and he’s very nice to me and treats me well, but as soon as it’s a woman who’s a romantic interest, he doesn’t treat them like a fellow person, he treats them as something to conquer, as if he was playing a game against them and he must win it. Obviously nobody is really interested in a man like that long-term. I tried gently telling him a few times but he never seemed to really understand what I meant.
#17
He is just too catholic, he wants this perfect trophy girlfriend that has to be a virgin. The problem is that he also likes to drink too much alcohol and it’s always his way or no way. The girls that he meets are not interested in him, had boyfriends in the past, don’t like his lifestyle or ideologies of a relationship (he wants all the kids god provides).
#18
She is so lovely. So kind, so generous, and so beautiful. But her crippling lack of self esteem is so huge it's visible from space, and her anxiety (and I'm 99% sure her undiagnosed ADHD) means that when she's at all nervous she talks at 100 miles an hour in several directions at once. It's like being handed 8 happy Labrador puppies to try and hold in your arms. I so badly want her to be happy and feel fulfilled but even I find it tiring sometimes.
#19
Brother-in-law, not friend. But he makes the same jokes about poop and farts all the time. Like, constantly. Yes, some women like potty-humor, but they usually also want it to be funny. He is also very negative; finds insult or something wrong with any situation.
#20
I once had a friend who was 37, had a cr*ppy job, wasn’t attractive, had a mug shot easily found on google and was a bit weird. He would always cry about being lonely, but he refused to date anyone but super hot 21 year old sorority girls. He asked me to look at his dating profile to see why he wasn’t getting any messages back…and he only messaged probably the top 1% of attractive women on the site. One time, after hearing him complain about being lonely for the 1000th time I gently asked him why didn’t he try to date a woman his own age. He said he wasn’t attracted to girls his age. He was so shallow towards women, but expected for the women not to be shallow back.
#21
The people they like aren’t real. They are idealized, cartoonish caricatures. Now my friend himself has a lot to offer imo, but he is looking for a person that doesn’t exist. Hard to find something that’s not there.
#22
The type of guys she claims she likes isn't what she's actually attracted to.
She keeps saying how much she loves shy introverted sensitive guys but when she finds one and dates him suddenly "he's not outgoing enough, doesn't speak his mind enough, and is too shy!"
I kind of think she has this "I can fix him" syndrome and doesn't really acknowledge it. Like, she's attracted to the idea of a typical shy guy but thinks once they're in a relationship they'll suddenly be more open and turn into the guy she actually wants. That's not how it works!
#23
She’s really overdue for growing up and learning to self reflect. She really needs to finally grow and allow herself to change.
She’s pretty, shes funny, she’s a great time to go out with. Never a dull moment.
She’s also not changed much at all since we were teens. She is a mess. Doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, can’t hold down a job, paycheck to paycheck, prioritizes a good time over everything else, extremely unstable overall. No accountability for how her actions effect her own life and especially the lives of others. Somehow still has high expectations of her potential partners, but she doesn’t bring much to the table and doesn’t seem to ever hold herself to the same standards or “rules”.
Sometimes you really do need to slow down and get a grip on your mental health and your life in general first before actively seeking out relationships. I’ve watched her wreck so many people that had good intentions for her without ever even recognizing how she hurt them.
Racing Tadpole 1 year ago
Personality disorders need feedback if they're ever going to grow up or end up alone
#24
He lies to himself about almost everything. He lives in fantasy land. He thinks he's in the gym five days a week, eats great, climbs mountains, goes camping, makes loads of money. Reality - pub five days a week, over eats like sh*te, went on one hike in January, can't hold a job and lives paycheck to paycheck.... If you were to confront him with this reality it wouldn't even get through to him.
#25
The thing is, I have told him. Repeatedly. Over more then 20 years. He wants a perfect 10 and will dismiss anyone who isn't his ideal. Even if he does start dating someone, within a few months he'll find some nit picky reason to break up with them. Like one time he broke up with a woman because she had a tattoo she never told him about. Because if she wasn't up front about having a tattoo, what other things could she be lying about??? He tried to tell me once that he can't seem to get women to understand that he's not looking for a hookup, he's looking for a wife. I laughed and said "you're in your 40s and going to clubs trying to pick up 21 year olds. You are not looking for a wife." He self sabotages so much and even when you point it out to him, he stares at you like he doesn't comprehend. It makes me sad because he really is a good guy and a great loyal friend, but there is something in him that will not allow him to just let go of this fantasy.
Lisbeth Guz 1 year ago
Someone can be a great friend but a terrible partner, they are not mutually exclusive
#26
Instead of communicating, she has a short temper and throws a passive aggressive attitude when someone disagrees with her. It could be the most minor issue and she needs to make sure her voice is the most dominant in the conversation. As her friend, I try to keep my opinions neutral and felt like I’ve walked on eggshells with her for close to a decade. She was never problematic to me until recently when she has shown me a side to her that I think led to her recent break up and why she has issues with men long term. I think deep down inside she’s very self-centered and very influenced by the videos she watches on TikTok and IG about how a man should know how to love you and take care of you naturally. Her standards are unrealistic and it’s hard to listen to her perspective of what a man/relationship should be like nowadays.
#27
My wife's friend is a 50 year old virgin, constantly sad about not being able to find anyone. She is a fun person, good energy, not terribly unattractive in the face. But she is overweight (has medical condition that makes it harder to lose weight). She is only interested in physically fit, "manly" men, which don't want anything to do with her. She claims she wants a fit man because being with a fit guy will make her lose weight and get fit. She will not lower her standards at all. She says that dating apps suck cause she only seems to match with guys that work in IT (even though several of her friends have long, successful marriages to IT guys), so I guess they aren't "manly" enough for her either.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
If she chooses to lose weight and get fitter, she needs to do this for herself, not expect a partner to be her personal trainer!
#28
For my husband’s friend it’s the selfish arrogance. I want what I want, and the subtext was that he never cared about what his girlfriend wanted. He would only go places he wanted to go, which never included her friends or family. He wanted to spend all his money on “collectables” related to scifi movies, DVD’s, figurines etc. Engagement rings were a waste of money, investing, or buying a house ditto, no compromises were possible, he said NO, and no discussions were entertained. His opinion on every topic was the correct one, and he was not interested in your opinion, or listening to extra facts he did not know that might change his mind.
He was once young and good looking, and he thought he could find someone else when she walked when he was 32. They had dated for close to a decade. During the relationship he had started to stack on the weight and losing his hair and he was not able to find a replacement. Now he is 49, and hasn’t had a girlfriend since. He still has not bought a house and they cost double what they did when they were dating, and his rent has tripled. He does have a copy of all his favourite movies on every format, VHS, DVD AND BlueRay, a whole bedroom is dedicated to storing them, if you can get in there. His house is a hoarders paradise. He says the reason no one wants him is because he is fat and bald, and it does not help, but it’s not the major turnoff.
#29
I found the heart to tell my friend and it was a HUGE mistake. But they kept asking and I thought it was safe to say the truth. My friend is incredibly smart, beautiful, has tons of hobbies, is well traveled, is generous with time and money. Her downfall is she complains about everything! She cannot drive 10 minutes down the road without complaining about drivers, the road, what pedestrians are wearing, that the sky is too blue. It’s exhausting to be around, and I’m 100% sure it’s what keeps her single. Anyways her response was she would rather hear it was her looks than be attacked on her personality. So yeah.
#30
He's a misogynist looking for a edgy women, while being unable to deal with his mommy-issue. Unable to understand that his attitude toward women drives them away the instant he talks openly to them.
#31
She’s a beautiful girl, like seriously one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in real life, but she needs CONSTANT validation. No man on the planet can give her the validation she requires.
Debbie 1 year ago
She needs validation that she is more then her looks. She needs to know she is valued for her personality. Maybe she asks if she looks good, because that is the thing that stands out most maybe, the "default best quality" she has. Do they like her for her looks, or for who she is. So pretty people can be very insecure as well.
#32
She thinks life is a Taylor Swift song. Also she needs to understand that she can’t expect guys she likes to notice her and talk to her first. She’s like “if he doesn’t talk to me first then it’s because he’s not the right one”, like girl, he doesn’t even know you exist!
#33
Cousin actually. She has a revolving door of short-term boyfriends, each and every one of them is "the one" initially, she introduces him to her kids really early on, posts tons of pictures of their date...like every step of their date, then starts to expect them to help with her house and side job (selling crocheted items). And she'll complain to Facebook if they don't drop everything to help her. And when they dump her, they're the problem.
Michael Braisher 1 year ago
Tell her these guys probably feel like they're another one of her projects. Sounds like it.
#34
He keeps dating the crazy women.
Like the kind that key your car if you haven't texted them within the hour.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
Sounds like he might need some help recognising the red flags of domestic abuse.
#35
Not my friend, but my boyfriend’s cousin. He’s always asking my boyfriend how he managed to get me, because I guess he thinks I’m out of my boyfriend’s league (I disagree). Boyfriend never knows how to answer this question and just tells him he’s nice to me and we get along. His cousin is convinced that this can’t be true and there must be cheat codes because there’s no way (in his eyes) I would date my boyfriend.
Cousin is actually quite a handsome guy, but it’s his freaking personality that’s driving women away. My boyfriend told me he matches with beautiful women on Tinder all the time and has gone on quite a few dates but they never go anywhere. He insists on using the same handful of “hilarious” pick-up likes (“is your dad a boxer because you’re a knock-out” is his personal favourite), juvenile “dark humour” that would make even a 14-year-old edgelord cringe, goes on long tangents about crypto and all his latest get-rich-quick schemes and just generally acts like these women should be grateful to be on a date with a stud like him.
Unsurprisingly, he gets ghosted a lot and can’t understand why. Sometimes the women do send him a polite text saying he’s a great guy but she just didn’t feel a connection and wishes him well, and he blows up at them and tells them they’ve wasted his time. My boyfriend tries a softly-softly approach to getting him to see the error of his ways, and it doesn’t work. I’m sick of hearing him whine that he’s the only one of his friends without a girlfriend. It’s entirely his own fault
#36
Great nice guy. But he still lives with his mom, massively overweight, health in major decline. He won't take care of himself and is clearly looking for someone to save him. Most women don't mind a bit of a fixer upper but he's put zero effort into getting help for himself. You gotta do some of the work too.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
Might come as a shocker to some people, but maybe he doesn't want/need to be helped/saved? Is his health objectively in decline, or is it a case of "he's fat so of course he's unhealthy"? Some people just can't fathom the fact that a fat person doesn't have to live in permanent misery and they can be okay with their body.
#37
Keeps complaining that the people he dates aren’t “grown up” enough (in his late 30s) but continues to exclusively date 23 year olds from Grindr.
#38
Her terrible, terrible children. It’s why her husband walked out in her in the first place, it’s why we hardly ever hang out anymore, they are truly f*****g awful.
she tries to parent them, but they’ve worn her out, and it shows; when she doesn’t have them she comes alive like the entire program just switched from sepia to technicolor.
but you can’t tell a mother that her children are *awful*.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Her husband walked out on his worn out wife because their kids are awful? - seriously, the kids need to go live with dad, sounds as though they all deserve each other.
#39
Best friend for years but he is so hopelessly in love and devoted to this woman who has made it clear she just wants to be friends, with no romantic feelings then she turns around and does just enough to get him to stay around, give him false hope, & her to be wrapped around his finger again.
Power puff scientist 1 year ago
these kind of "friendzone" relationships are so said where one person is madly in love and the other person just uses them and keeps them around for whatever selfish reasons.
#40
Overly loud and party boyish at age 45.
Janet Sparrow 1 year ago
This IS a Taylor Swift sing: And I can see you years from now in a bar Talking over a football game With that same big loud opinion But nobody's listening Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing But all you are is mean
#41
He is needy and clingy. Also, he moves around a lot and has been in college for the last 15 years. There is a lot going on.
René Sauer 1 year ago
My family was acquainted with another family that lived in a new apartment every 6 months it felt like. Whenever we wanted to visit them we first had to call and ask if they still lived at the last address known to us.
#42
Her life revolves around helping her parents, whom she still lives with and who do not need her help. Her hobbies include that and obsessing over her very ordinary cats. Mostly hangs out with her mother's friends. If I were a guy, I'd be scared to become part of her life.
#43
He keeps hanging on to the past and spending all his time hanging out with ex girlfriends who are unavailable, or women who like him but he doesn’t romantically like.
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
Sounds like he's deliberately avoiding anyone who's romantically available so maybe unconsciously he's not ready for a relationship.
#44
Work and study too much, with no time left to date or to care for the partner (we’re all medical students). It’s tough to tell anyone that pursuing their dream unfortunately means they may have to make peace with romantic loneliness for now.
Anxiousguest 1 year ago
Im and introvert and doctor. I never thought I'll find a man, because I don't talk to people or socialise. And I hardly got any time for fun while I was in medical school due to studies. Luckily, I met another introvert medical student who doesn't socialise. And now we are happy introvert family, going strong for 10 years. So, introvert medical students, don't lose hope
#45
He is a really nice guy but he is really exhausting. Everything is totally over the top! If he met someone he is total freaking in love...and after a few dates...not anymore. I told him he should go for the women who doesnt make him crazy in love but more like chill in love Ah and he can not shut up! Never!
What do you think ?
A C 1 year ago
Couldn't read these..however...the title says "friends say" ......and I call BS because saying sh¡t on the internet about others is not afriend move.
Squishy 1 year ago
Agree!! That's stuff you say between you and your friend if it's needed. Not to strangers to get laughs and attention
Load More Replies...
Lydsylou 1 year ago
One of my friends has this problem. She does currently have a partner but it took her a while to get one because she's attracted to every guy she sees. Men found it off putting because she couldn't help but hit on other guys. I think she's changed a lot now though, I hardly ever see her anymore
Heather Weather 1 year ago (edited)
Personality matters, a lot. I worked with a truly beautiful man. Ladies at work called him Mr GQ. I am not kidding, he was perhaps the most attractive person I’ve ever met. On paper he was also a catch he had a master’s degree with a solid family and upbringing. This gorgeous man was single, his personality just did not match. He didn’t understand humor or sarcasm, if he didn’t read it in a textbook he didn’t know it, basic world history and current events were lost to him. He wasn’t stupid, but he was…. It was weird? His famous quote to me, that I have never forgotten was, “Getting first dates is easy, second ones not so much.” Eye candy is only so alluring, PERSONALITY MATTERS PEOPLE.
M Calad 1 year ago (edited)
I actually dated a guy like that! He was a good employee, good with his parents, good job and career. And VERY handsome and fit. First red flag came early when he said he had never had a relationship (he was 37!). After one date I figured out why. Omfg, he was misogynistic, arrogant, patronising, know-it-all. I thought "ok, maybe he doesn't know better. I can try to show him a different path". Nope. I was left feeling angry and minimzed after every date. I baptised him chapGPT: he knew everything but whatever he didn't know he would fill it in with whatever stupid idea he could find in his brain and believed it was true. No proof could change his mind. I never met anyone like that. I quit after some dates BUT did tell him why. His answer: I know I am *put adjectives here* but I did an effort not to show you that so you shouldn't feel that way about me. I ran as fast as I could. No regrets. This was quite some years ago. He's still single.
Load More Replies... A C 1 year ago
Couldn't read these..however...the title says "friends say" ......and I call BS because saying sh¡t on the internet about others is not afriend move.
Squishy 1 year ago
Agree!! That's stuff you say between you and your friend if it's needed. Not to strangers to get laughs and attention
Load More Replies... Lydsylou 1 year ago
One of my friends has this problem. She does currently have a partner but it took her a while to get one because she's attracted to every guy she sees. Men found it off putting because she couldn't help but hit on other guys. I think she's changed a lot now though, I hardly ever see her anymore
Heather Weather 1 year ago (edited)
Personality matters, a lot. I worked with a truly beautiful man. Ladies at work called him Mr GQ. I am not kidding, he was perhaps the most attractive person I’ve ever met. On paper he was also a catch he had a master’s degree with a solid family and upbringing. This gorgeous man was single, his personality just did not match. He didn’t understand humor or sarcasm, if he didn’t read it in a textbook he didn’t know it, basic world history and current events were lost to him. He wasn’t stupid, but he was…. It was weird? His famous quote to me, that I have never forgotten was, “Getting first dates is easy, second ones not so much.” Eye candy is only so alluring, PERSONALITY MATTERS PEOPLE.
M Calad 1 year ago (edited)
I actually dated a guy like that! He was a good employee, good with his parents, good job and career. And VERY handsome and fit. First red flag came early when he said he had never had a relationship (he was 37!). After one date I figured out why. Omfg, he was misogynistic, arrogant, patronising, know-it-all. I thought "ok, maybe he doesn't know better. I can try to show him a different path". Nope. I was left feeling angry and minimzed after every date. I baptised him chapGPT: he knew everything but whatever he didn't know he would fill it in with whatever stupid idea he could find in his brain and believed it was true. No proof could change his mind. I never met anyone like that. I quit after some dates BUT did tell him why. His answer: I know I am *put adjectives here* but I did an effort not to show you that so you shouldn't feel that way about me. I ran as fast as I could. No regrets. This was quite some years ago. He's still single.
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