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X, the platform that was once Twitter, is the ideal playground for verbal humor. Back when it allowed only 140 characters per post, people had to be really precise with their jokes. Every word counted. Now there are double the characters and double the opportunity for funny stories.

The Instagram account Really Dumb Tweets finds the best jokes and funny posts on the platform. Even their bio claims that they're "posting the funniest tweets you'll ever read." The page also has a huge following – their current follower count is at 1.6 million. So scroll through these humorous gems and upvote your favorite ones!

And to know more about what makes a funny tweet successful, read our interview with comedic writer, actor and director Emma Tattenbaum-Fine. She's also the author of the collection of essays Trash Mermaid, and Bored Panda asked her what makes a successful tweet and what to avoid when trying to be funny on X (Twitter).

More info: Really Dumb Tweets | Emma Tattenbaum-Fine | Emma’s Substack | Emma on Instagram

#1

Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

reallydumbtweets Report

Delta Dawn
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mrs. DeBlasio is a legend

Michael Largey
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I imagine that Mr. DeBlasio was a pretty satisfied guy.

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Tyranamar Seuss
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our science teacher also did this. Which is why I never understood the whole "magnum" thing. Been with some large guys. Don't recall them ever needing to pull out the good ol' Magnum.

Dave Van Beurden
Community Member
Premium
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the magnum clearly exists to charge more for insecure men.

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David Martin
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sex Ed teacher rolled a condom up her arm to opera glove length to prove the same point, then said "Gentlemen; If this is too small for you, it won't be a problem, because trust me, no woman is going to let you near her body anyway"

Elizabeth Elliot
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember that sausages were a bad thing for school to serve for lunch that day.

J Adams
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not ‘bigging up’ my husband but there are different sizes available for a reason, not so much for length but definitely for girth, ever take off a pair of socks and you see indentations on your skin where they have been too tight around your leg? Same thing happens with condoms (not on your leg but you get the jist)

Colleen Glim
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tell me you’re a guy without telling me you’re a guy. If condoms can stretch that big you got no excuse

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Frances Mooney
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6th grade - 1962 - we were shown a film where a man and woman lie down by a crackling fireplace (fully clothed) and the next scene was with a baby....Did anyone ask questions? Of course not, but we all avoided fireplaces for years until we learned otherwise...

TotallyNOTAFox
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that's why different sizes exist

Laura Ashton
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They come in XL size and also latex-free so no more excuses lads! :p

Danish Dynomummy
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember our teacher told us in 5th grade that only the heavy girls in our class probably had their periods now. I had, but I was SO skinny, but I didnt tell anyone about my period for 2 years because I was affraid that something was wrong with me and because I lit thought that I was obese

Cat Chat
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a daughter that just started. We have educated her enough, so no worries there. But she was embarrassed to tell us herself. I think she secretly knew her sister would tell us if she told her first, so that's what she did. She was behind her sister saying "no... quiet", but in a a joking manner, laughing. So, I'm fairly confident in saying she told us in exactly the way she was most comfortable in doing so.

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Imagineer
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember 5th grade. Teacher showed a video of a sperm impregnating an egg. Afterwards I asked how the sperm got to the egg, and he said to go home and ask my parents.

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In 2019 Emma Tattenbaum-Fine wrote a piece for Gold Comedy titled "How To Be Funny On Twitter." In it, she called being funny on Twitter "an art." She also commented on the brevity the platform requires. 

"It is tough to squeeze your genius into 280 characters, but it's worth it," she wrote in the article. "No matter what, it's great practice for concise, show-don't-tell writing, and a perfect place to test out your jokes."

RELATED:
    #2

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    JuJu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a tote bag filled with many other folded (!) tote bags

    Birgit M
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a big carboard box filled with many other folded cardboard boxes :-)

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    Mistiekim
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a box filled with random Tupperware lids that do not match any container I own. Why do I keep them? One day I’ll find that matching container…..one day….

    Say No to Downvoting
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think ditto the junk drawer? Am I right?

    Premislaus de Colo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Mother of All Bags - semms like it's worldwide phenomenon

    AlanandLeila Hoyt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They’re banned in Maine, so I no longer have the bag of bags.

    Petra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're banned where my sibling lives too, so the rest of the family always makes sure to bring him some when we visit. He has a cat, so he uses them a lot.

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    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a car boot filled with bags within bags. Makes shopping difficult as there is nowhere to put the shopping because of all the bags

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is not a cultural thing - it's a human thing. :)

    Nikki Gross
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every house in the South has always had them around. Those are mostly used as trash bags in my house and they are awesome when your dealing with chickens, onions, etc. Or bagging up potluck, Tupperware containers or cool whip, country crock, or whatever plastic you have if your old fashioned or poor. Basically we use them for EVERYTHING you can think of. Is it just me or is Wal-Mart's plastic bags getting thinner? WinCo still has good bags but other stores seems to have gone really cheap.

    Paul Gerrard
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my country the bags arent available. Along with most other plastic. Just back from USA where i was reminded how much plastic we once had

    DrBronxx
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same with the danish biscuit tin filled with sewing supplies.

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    #3

    50 Times People Posted Something So Hilariously Dumb, It Had To Be Shared Further (New Pics)

    robpertray Report

    Flexi Panda
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the only one actual dumb post from the whole article

    hyj (she, her)
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No dentists, just a sharp stick to pry out those rotten teeth... sounds like great vibes to me!

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    In many cases, there is a formula between funny tweets. Back then Emma covered the comedy devices that show up in many of the successful posts on X (Twitter) – the "me, an intellectual," "you had one job," "don't @ me," "TED talk time" tweets and many more.

    But of course, a successful tweet is only measured by the number of people it reaches. If the post got popular only among your friends and family, can you really call it a success? So we asked Emma Tannenbaum-Fine whether certain elements can help a funny tweet gain traction.

    #4

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Deborah B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is there like a dog tracker app, that accessable dogs in your area are pinned on a map with blurbs and reviews. "Pug, in waiting room/reception of Grants mechanics. likes ear rubs, 10/10 would pet again." "Husky puts head over fence here to say awoo, will offer toys, wants you to throw them. Aim for left side of yard, rosebushes on right. 10/10." "Michael's pet shop, two dogs. Mikey the yorkie behind the counter, do not pet, he loves people watching, but only takes pets from staff. Will growl. 9/10. Lena/leaner, Whippet, free range in shop, loves people, loves pets, wants to lean on your legs, so watch your balance or sit down and she'll climb in your lap. Has been known to knock over small children and sit on them. 10/10, happy to sit down for you Lena."

    Powerful Katrinka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, what are you waiting for? You've just discovered your life's work!

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    Dave Forster
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We need more places named like this, I wish I lived on 'Belly Rub Lane'

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's fantastic! We have something similar where I live. It's call Dog Sh*t Alley

    Lily Langtry
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is definitely NOT 'really dumb' but really awesome!

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes. Nothing dumb about this one. In law school I had to drive home to pet my own dog.

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    Red PANda (she/they)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OMG I take a detour on my walk home from school for almost this exact same reason!!!

    Robert Trebor
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I walked a mile to the train for my year of college, and every morning had to leave early enough to spend a few minutes with a Basset hound who lived along my route. One Saturday afternoon I was walking home and went past the Basset's house, and he came out baying to greet me, and his person came over and asked if I was the guy who stopped every morning at 0515. He said it was okay, just wondering. Doggie's name was Edgar.

    Roger9er
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its right next to Good Girl Square!

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    #5

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And even if she weren't it's not her job to make coffee for a coworker

    Kris
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was this in the 1950s?

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know, I honestly thought we'd be done with this nonsense by now

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    Lynda StJames
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That happened to my SIL at a DOD presentation. She didn’t answer him, she just went to the head of the boardroom table to conduct the meeting. 😂😂

    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That was actually the BEST way to answer him.

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    Sue Denham
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Imagine if a woman walked into the board room and asked the first man she saw to whip her up a coffee?

    pineapple87
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And you decided that 20 minutes into the meeting was a good time to go on reddit and report this?

    Danish Susanne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn't you notice that the meeting was being led by a woman? It might well have been finished by then.

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    Suck it Trebek
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So deserved. I hope he spent weeks on pins and needles over his blatant chauvinism.

    Marcellus II
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NO worry, he'll find some woman to take his humiliation out on and make himself feel OK again. It will probably take ruining 3-4women's days to feel on top again.

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    Kim Lorton
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She should have said… no, but YOU, can get me coffee3 Sugars and cream.. i will be waiting here while you do that and then we can start the meeting. Oh and feel free to get yourself coffee also. Thank you….sweetie!

    The Darkest Timeline
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who does that these days? How dense and out of touch do you have to be to think the only job a woman can have is as an assistant?

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    #6

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    callapilla Report

    Some Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    SOMEONE GET SOME SUNSCREEN FOR THAT!!!

    Awesome At Being Autistic
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They don't need sunscreen, they already got plenty of shade thrown at them.

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    Full of Giggles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The severity of burns goes from 1st degree to mom.

    Ozymandias73
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ambulance and fire crew. Damn mom, she kamahamaha'd him like no tomorrow with that burn!

    Lynda StJames
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Moms have been there done that. 😂😂

    LiuLiu
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    mom knows how to serve up real burn

    Nay Wilson
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nice one, mum 😂

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    Emma says that a good, funny tweet should have similar characteristics to a good joke. "A successful, funny tweet, like a good joke, sets up an expectation and then breaks it with a surprise," she tells Bored Panda.

    #7

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    c0wbitch Report

    Funhog
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nice! But, why is this one filed under 'Really Dumb Tweets'? (...wondering if/when BP will change the title of this post so that my comment becomes obsolete...).

    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Plot twist: he destroyed all the other cars. Jkjk

    Pieter LeGrande
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely deserves a raise or a bonus I'd say.

    Donna Peluda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    years ago I ran and after hour pub, had a few colourful characters in. On guy, Jose or more 'oze! had a lorry tractor head, been inside for drug smuggling. He was out on parole and getting in to all sorts of doggie stuff. He was an OK dude but just couldn't keep straight. I hid a gun for him once when the cops came round doing a check. A few month later a little moped I had was stolen. Wasn't worth much but would have cost me to get another. It was really useful for whizzing would town on errands. Jose finds out jumps on his tractor head and comes back an hour later calls me outside 3 mopeds tied to the back, which ones yours??

    Donald
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jose sounds troubled but resourceful, top lad.

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    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope you Miss Kenzie paid him extra for that

    David
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In other news - Bored homeless man breaks the windows of surrounding cars to ensure he keeps on being paid $15 to watch car. /S

    DB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, he did his job.

    David
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey, he did his job. How is this dumb. Man was paid for a job, did it, and was good at it.

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    #8

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That makes perfect sense as it was the kitten that allowed the boy to pet it.

    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Potentially one of those gorgeous little chirps they do. If the kitten didn't want to be petted, that boy would definitely know and pretty quickly at that! My cat makes the chirp sound when I wake her up at meal times, she's absolutely adorable.

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    Jefferson Selvy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think I would have thanked the kitten also and I'm not autistic at all

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    #9

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I liked the Rick and Morty episode where a 'Needful Things' shop came to town and Rick opened a shop over the road that removed the curses but kept the benefits active just to wind the shop owner up

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    Jellybean the Jellyfish(they/them)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shopkeeper increasingly annoyed: *Throws spooky cursed items and hopes they will do damage Me, tired and unharmed: Nothing can harm me more than taxes other dumb sh*t. So, I'm immune to these things.

    Nimitz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's funny how accurate this is

    Frank Kilmore
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What the shopkeeper means....I have a sucker here so Im going to bump the prices up pronto

    Bo'owowo'uh
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This seems... unlikely Especially the first thing Cethan says.

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    The comedy writer has some advice for people who want their tweets to get a little bit of traction. It needs three main elements: to relate to current events, be relevant to a wide audience, and give an authentic opinion.

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    "A good tweet, in particular, is probably going to be something topical that is top of mind for everyone, that then finishes with a fresh take, giving the reader something clever they hadn't considered before that is infused with a clear point of view.

    #10

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Lynda Birch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think my heart has grown 3 sizes

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cardiomegaly is a serious issue. Talk to your doctor ;)

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    Rocco MZ
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This has happened to us a few as my husband works in another state. We've bought delivery drivers like 10 meals this year. They are always so gracious.

    INGI
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are these "really dumb" tweets? Not one yet has been dumb. BP editors blow.

    Nikki Hilton
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Regardless of how many times I see this, it always makes me teary-eyed.

    Crescent 3
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not crying, you're crying!

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    #11

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    jturnerdds Report

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dentist has occasionally given me her opinions on toothpastes.

    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Presumably that wasn't filmed for a TV advert, tho!

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    Jon Steensen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    of cause not, there are hundreds of dentist and they only ask 10, so the odds of them asking you is miniscule.

    Ylime
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're referring to commercials that say "9 out of 10 dentists recommend xyz"

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    Mabelbabel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dentist has a screen in the waiting room that plays short films and cartoons about dental health. One of them was about how much toothpaste to use-it went into detail about how adverts always showed a toothbrush completely laden with the head covered in paste, complete with an ice cream like twirl on top, but the proper amount was a pea sized drop about 1/3 the length of the brush head, and that excess paste did nothing except put toothpaste company profits up. That's the only thing my dentist has ever said about paste. She has a huge tub of sample sized tubes of paste she gets from companies, all types and flavours, in a size perfect for taking on holiday, and customers can take a handful to try out. Kind of makes up a little for the eye-watering prices!

    White Sauce Hot Sauce
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This guy was in a graduating class of 69 dentists.

    Let’s roll
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know. Must be the only university in all the land.

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    ShyWahine
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But 4 out of 5 dentists prefer Colgate, right...?

    Dogcat vet (retired)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is human toothpaste safe for dogs and cats? (hint: not really due to detergents and most dogs and cats don't rinse and spit).

    Christof Irran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I asked my dentist once if he know of any unsweetened toothpaste, one that doesn't have any saccharine or similar in it, and he was totally stumped. He said that he should know and was frazzled by his not knowing. He was a dentist for 15 years at the time.

    Timbob
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But you A L L , should be recommending electric toothbrushes, because , IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO EFFECTIVELY BRUSH YOUR TEETH WITH A REGULAR TOOTHBRUSH ! But of course, that would cut into your practices !!!

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    #12

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Realistic Optimist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Even if so, it's none of her business. Also, didn't Jesus himself say not to judge people? I don't understand why so many Christians do this when it literally says bot to in the bible.

    les
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    he also said money lenders are evil and look how many bankers call themselves christians, his chick pal was a hooker, greed is a sin so we can deduce from this that christians are as full of s**t as the rest of us

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    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Explain how animals exist then, Kristin. I'm waiting Kristin.

    SCP 4666
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This rule only applies to humans 😉

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your God needs to stay out of my sex life

    Jennik
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder who the "Christian" panda is who is downvoting any comment they perceive as challenging to their beliefs. Someone else with a heavily edited version of the bible, I presume (all the bits about turn the other cheek; do unto others; love thy neighbour etc carefully removed!).

    KombatBunni
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah love how these types pick and choose whatever they think suits them..

    The pigeon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought that was because of the sneky snake and the apple, not because they were flucking.

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    Crouching hippo hidden panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don’t get my started on the animal kingdom, bunch of heathens

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    Granted, not all jokes on X (Twitter) are winners. Some inevitably end up being real duds. Emma says that oftentimes people forget to infuse their tweets with a fresh take. 

    "When I go back and read, or randomly encounter, cringey things my friends and I said online ten or maybe twelve years ago, the common pitfall is: they tend to be just observations or complaints or half-baked thoughts," Emma admits.

    "There's nothing terrible about that, but it's not funny if it's missing that element of surprise and a clear, original point of view."

    #13

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    SCP 4666
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't worry, we all have brain.exe has stopped working moments sometimes😅

    Karen Krause
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I explain it as our brains are like hairdryers, they overheat and stop working occasionally. when they cool down, they work.

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    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oooh, cringe. 😖

    WindySwede
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Aouch! *waking up cold sweating* I would probably not go back there...

    HelluvaHedgehogAlien
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Autumn is a nice season. Love the desperate screaming of five hundred first-year plant lovers.

    Lis -
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahaha, I wonder if the woman was me? I worked in a garden centre 4 years ago, and I had this exact interaction with a customer. It still makes me giggle. I also had a customer who told me she cut off the ugly twigs at the bottom of orchids, to which I had to inform her she was cutting off the roots. Or the lady who was worries why her olive just wasn't growing and starting to look like the olive tree in our cafe patio. Had to tell her that tree was 200 years old...

    Marcellus II
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So somehow I have skills to summon Autumn any day of the year?

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    detective miller's hat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother cannot grasp the fact that just because the flowers on her orchid wilted and fell off, that does not mean the whole orchid plant is dead. This is how I came to be the foster parent for like 10 orchids over the years.

    David Henry
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This either made her day or else it cost her some faith in humanity.

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I see you have never been haunted by such things (everyone's brain works differently). I still cringe at stupid/embarrassing things I did 10, 20, even 30 years ago.

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    #14

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    eeeeeeeee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "if you could just let your legs fall apart for me- oh, and please help yourself to some brie"

    Say No to Downvoting
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I work in women’s health and EVERY SINGLE MEETING I say “we need chocolate and muffins and coffee to offer the patients” and NO ONE BLOODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY!

    CheshirePhrogg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've had two transvaginal ultrasounds and I really think I should have been given a glass of wine first or at least a nice cup of tea after

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    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my country we have public healthcare so private providers are forced to up their game just so that anyone will go to them. The people I went to for my MRI had rigged up the machine so you could watch YouTube videos in there.

    MagicalUnicorn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i'd open my legs for cheese and coffee

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My first gyno grew up with my Mom and her siblings. So, during the exam, he would always ask how my youngest uncle was doing (who he was friends with). I'm sure it was an effort to help relax me with casual conversation. But, let me just say, my uncle is NOT something I want to think about while all that is going on.

    Angi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have a panic attack they give you juice

    Leesa DeAndrea
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If they would just pit something nice to look at on the ceiling

    Sue
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe if you started biting & scratching.

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    #15

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    c0wbitch Report

    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tweets like this are why essential workers hated the rest of us.

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The problem is that people realised how important it is to be able to do things like that and still bristle at the idea to pay essential workers better while reducing their hours. All those 'low skill' jobs are still essential and still earn a ton of money for the companies, but somehow people still claim that the company deserves that money more than the workers who earned it because their labour is 'unskilled'. It's ridiculous. People should be paid accordingly and in relation to the worth their work generates and in relation to how much we need that work to be done. Wanting to pay for skills only is nothing but the excuse to fatten the bank accounts of the execs. And the quarantine has made that painfully obvious. That's why essential workers hate the upper class.

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Parents working from home while watching their preschool kids HATE these tweets.

    Mary Lou
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So do people who lived alone struggling with loneliness, those living in unsave conditions at home and those loosing their jobs during covid...

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    Say No to Downvoting
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And for the rest of the population trying to wfh while schooling 3 kids while their partner was out of the house risking life and limb as an essential worker? I don’t know any of these dancey, bready, arty people but I’m glad you had fun.

    JOHN DOE
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    The horror of a parent having to take care of their children all day long.

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    Felipe Souza
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please do not romanticize a pandemic

    PolymathNecromancer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is no such thing... yes, there was countless continuing suffering; no, nobody would have asked for it, and nobody would invite it back... but many of us were saved from personal hells that we couldn't have escaped otherwise, short of offing ourselves.

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    Moosy Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember it from other people whining about it while I worked double shifts propelling educational systems and their users into the digital age. :p It was nice having the road mostly to myself on the way to work though, less nice that I wasn’t even allowed time off to care for dying relatives.

    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was in prison at the time. From having the right to go out and about in our unit, "medical", religious services, outdoor and indoor rec, we were kept not only just in our units, but in our rooms. Everything was brought to us. Once per (8 hr.) Shift, our unit guard would let us get hot water (cooking hot) and ice. No TV or gaming room, showers were scheduled, no laundry (no laundry was relaxed quickly). We weren't allowed phone or computer time, and had to ask to go to the bathroom. This was late winter or early spring of '20. Regulations were slowly relaxed, but it was extremely difficult.

    Funhog
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That sounds like a lot of solitary time. What did you do to keep yourself and mind occupied during that time?

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    Donteatme666
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep I was working at food 4 less a grocery store at the time fun s**t (sarcasm in case anyone is dense enough not to know)

    Elizabeth Elliot
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Except for the PEOPLE DYING and the economy tanking, FFS

    Petra Schaap
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    cleaner here... what bothered me most was that they would chear and clap for the essential workers at night, and meanwhile couldnt be assed to throw their used tissues and masks IN the bin, so i had to pick them up from the floor each night.

    Lara Verne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Remember when covid was on it's peak , hospitals were overcrowded, whole country was in lockdown and we still had to go to work no matter what?

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    How can joke aficionados and word craftsmen avoid that? Tattenbaum-Fine says the writers should dig deeper. She suggests asking yourself: 'What do I really, honestly, think about this topic?'

    #16

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    neytjie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our grocery stores have black friday specials. And then even better specials a week after black friday bc no one will have money

    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As things go we might buy our Christmas presents from the grocery isle soon.

    ILoveMySon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually, I give a box of food anonymously every year to a family I know. I will eat ramen noodles myself but they have children.

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    Roxy222uk
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just want half price fruit, veg, meat, dairy, eggs, that kind of thing. But let's be honest. The profit margin on straight forward proper food isn't all that high. The more the food has been mucked about with, the higher the profit, and the more wriggle room is for discounts or offers.

    Lara Verne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jesus christ, no. Think about employees.

    Panda Kicki
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That exists here. Noodles 90% discount and similar offers on black friday.

    Keira Pendragon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Black Friday gets people killed. NOT something I think we need ANY more of. Cyber Monday is a much less lethal idea and maybe a whole week of discounted prices at the grocery store? But the point of black friday was never discounts - it's fake discounts to rake in extra money.

    Donna Cheung
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because they're trying to get us to buy things we don't need

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    #17

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Georgie Montague
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now how am I going to get that image out of my mind????

    DB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Flesh chandelier is so gauche. I prefer "mandelabra".

    Some Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve seen this in seven different posts and I laugh my butt off every time!

    les
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i want this guy to make disney films for adults

    The Dark Sun
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Imagining Pink Elephants in green meadows... Pink Elephants in green meadows ...

    Falcon on Dizzy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    BRO FLESH CHANDELIER GETS ME EVERY TIME

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There used to be one middle aged guy in my ballet class. (Which is cool. Men can be dancers too.) But this guy seemed to forget to wear underpants under his shorts. Every time. There were quite a few dodgy moments when I thought we were all about to get a glimpse of something none of us wanted to see. I referred to him as Freeballin' Guy. :)

    Rostit. .
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this was posted here like 3 weeks ago

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ah, the old hairy pink newtons cradle

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    #18

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    byalexcrespo Report

    On a whim
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m going to go into my next coffee shop like I’m a side character now.

    Anya Beboop
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am intrigued but how does one do this 🤔

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    JuJu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I use people who have loud phone calls during bus rides. Michael wants a side cut, but his buddy Seth said he would lose his rizz...but instead he lost his life when he wandered inside the old haunted milll.

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would go in with as many friends as I could with fake names like Jeannie Hearse and Michael Hunt. I would add costumes and have someone go in wearing a navy uniform and identify as Stains. The killing blow would be a black guy with bushy ginger hair, beard and moustache dressing in ninja gear

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think I'll never read a book the same again.

    Phil
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I write at a local bar, and I totally killed off an unnamed person because he was a jerk to a waiter.

    mikedtw
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "...about to die" ROFL!!!

    Steve Robert
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Grinder - The Starbucks Murders

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    "If you dig deep and check in with yourself, your honest response to a current event might be totally unique and unusual because YOU are unique and unusual. People say lame and unfunny things because they are afraid to go a little further and find what's true for themselves. It's easier to play it safe," the comedy writer concludes.

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    #19

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    SketchesbyBoze Report

    Sweaterpants Mandles
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How many times will I read this in different posts? How many?

    PFD
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One day you'll realise it wasn't the same tweet it just had twins

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    Starfish63
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did similar once. My friend's dad was a twin. I went to her house and her dad was in the garage fixing up an old car (not unusual for him). I was talking to him and he was monosyllabic. I went to my friend and asked if her dad was ok. She said, yes, he's in the kitchen, you've been talking to Uncle Peter.

    ॐBoyGanesh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never questioned they were speaking to a ghost? Never mentioned it to anyone?

    Sonja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well be honest, if you saw a ghost and it regularly said hello to you but you didn't see anyone else interacting with the ghost, would you honestly tell anyone? Ot seems OP didn't have a close relationship to the brothers, they just saw them occasionally on campus.

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    Jeff Brock
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like BS, but absolutely true. Years ago, a work friend died of cancer. Completely wasted away, no mustache...didn't look like himself at all (God, I hate open casket services). His identical twin brother, who none of us knew he had, came and wore his brother's hat and glasses. His family was amused, everyone else was shocked. Turned out he planned it. He asked his brother to come that way

    N G
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i heard the twin brother was taking cooking lessons and would often be covered in white flour

    LissyPoo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to live in a large city and rode the same bus line regularly. There was a guy who I would also see regularly on the bus, for a number of years. He had very distinct eyes and beautiful long curly dark hair. One day I was riding the bus and he was sitting in front of me. We made a stop and he got on the bus again. That's when I learned that there were two of him (aka who I thought was one guy was in fact two brothers).

    Pat Curran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If she didn't know the twin brother existed, why would the twin brother be greeting her on campus?

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just because there was a twin, that doesn't preclude the presence of the first guy's ghost. Or perhaps you're the ghost messing with us. Or maybe I am.

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of that case where a guy arrived at college for the first time only to keep being greeted by total strangers who addressed him by the wrong name but acted as if they'd known him for years and that's how he found out he had a long lost twin brother who had previously gone to that college. And then the two of them found out there were in fact THREE of them, all separated at birth by an adoption agency.

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    #20

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Debbie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is kinda sweet though.

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ladies, women have spent generations of time objecting to being called 'girls' when we're grown a*s women. Unless you matched with a literal child on that dating app, he was a man not a boy.

    Keira Pendragon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, he could have been fresh out of high school. idk about you, but to me people are still kinda kids to me till they're like 25 ish. Also maybe the real problem is treating kids like they're less than just because they're young??

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    Claire, UK
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The bar is set so low. So many of you thinking this is sweet 🤦🏼‍♀️

    Abe Ja
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tbh, I think it's sweet - being kind and thoughtful even in non normative ways is cool!

    Roxy222uk
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He actually sounds sweet and nice (rather than 'nice')

    Imagineer
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    After 4 years, the guy remembers your name and aspirations? Kinda creepy actually.

    David
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    some people have really good memories

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    #21

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Living fearlessly won't be good for your survival chances, though...

    ValdaDeDieu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sleep with one eye open: "Send me ONE MORE motivational quote - I DARE you."

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    Robert Millar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think "unstoppable" is probably the wrong word here, but, you know...

    stupidMonkey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They should make these with random Samuel L Jackson quotes instead. "I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuurious anger..."

    David Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who wants their period to be "unstoppable"?

    Norah Reilly
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's either a really strong marriage or one that's really over.

    Suck it Trebek
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone likes living their life on the edge.

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait... inspirational tampons are a thing? News to this woman who only this year stopped needing their use.

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    Emma is a professional comedy writer and director. She launched her Substack 2 years ago and is currently mostly writing on that platform. "I haven't paid Twitter (X) a visit in a long time," Emma admits. At its beginning, the site was a great opportunity for aspiring comics to get themselves known.

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    #22

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    samcahnruns Report

    Tee Pussi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If they can make Milf Manor, they can make this.

    amy lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    100% would watch. They should add a twist like their mum reads the messages they have received and how disgusted these sons would feel after that.

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    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    MTV should play music. Oh, wait. Nevermind, I'm old. I remember back when History channel showed history.

    Nikole
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ancient aliens are kind of like history… /s

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    Cinti Jack
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In this case DM can be an abbreviation for Douchebags Mother

    Tracy Wallick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Really, we're censoring the word horny? Grow up.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Know what you’re talking about. It hasta do with sponsors, not our delicate sensibilités.

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    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be interesting. The police and ambulance reports would be a good read too.

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    #23

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Kilgore-V
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My parents are still saying that and I'm in my 30s

    Kylie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LOL It wasn't just mine then.

    Robert T
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my neighbours used to finish her emails with "Thanks a bunch". Where I come from, that is a way of saying "thanks for nothing".

    Moosy Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine said it in the most sarcastic sounding way whenever I did anything, I have no clue if anything I ever do is good or terrible.

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's all in the size of the so

    Blue Mar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's surprising how all parents are similar despite different countries

    Moë
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Same…that explains my 20s 🤣

    Bill Kubeck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a special corner of Hell for parents like that.

    Gabby M
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tell my students, "I'm so proud of you, but more importantly, I hope you're proud of yourself." But in an encouraging way, not in a you fycked up way.

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    #24

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    lily jones
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For anyone who doesn't understand - Ku Klux Klan - american, white supremacist, terrorist group.

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did you hear about the illiterate Nazi? He really hated juice :P

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In a cute twist on this, my (non-Jewish) husband calls me ‘honeydew’ because I’m his honey and a Jew and he appreciates my melons! 🙄😂😂

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    zububonsai
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    @Corgi Queen: yes, the "normal" clan is spelled clan, but the Ku Klux Klan is spelled this way (KKK), PS: I highly recommend watching the movie "Black KKKlansman".

    SheamusFanFrom1987
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Regardless of connotations, Keath Kotton seriously sounds like a villain's alter ego name to me XP

    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's wrong with J.E.W.?

    Petra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When acronyms spell a word, people usually just say the word instead of the individual letters because it's easier. Sometimes that works out in the organization's favor (ex. the fictional organization "S.H.I.E.L.D. sees itself as a shield for humanity, so they like being called "Shield") But with this case, it would cause a lot of confusion as there is an entirely different group of people already called "Jew".

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    Just Another Girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But I feel like one is offensive and the other not. I’m confused.

    Keira Pendragon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I mean, on the one hand, they could be antisemitic, alternatively, they don't want anyone thinking they are or are trying to claim to be or who is antisemitic to idk, lash out at them?? People are weird enough that a lot of buildings don't have 13th floors, even though they have 20th floors, just to avoid the 'bad luck' thing.

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    JOHN DOE
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was texting a consultant at work and typed JDE, which is software. But auto correct changed it to JEW. So it read that I was having problems with JEW to a Jewish consultant. Surprised I didn't get a call to HR as I didn't notice until I sent another tesxt days later.

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, Nope that's not how that works. you don't get to choose for people not to use your acronym. you had a choice when you named your company, and YOU made it.

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most companies don't intend their company name being used as an acronym, which it seems what happened here. They seemed to have intended their business to be known only as the company name, not for the acronym that someone else, non-affiliated chose to use in a tweet.

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    Ur_Fav_Lazy_Panda🫶
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What does “Kevin” have to do with the KKK? Sorry I’m confused

    View more comments
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    #25

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    baddestmamajama Report

    Dispatcherqueen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was somewhere in Paris, and we found a tiny Italian restaurant. We walk in and the only people there were 5 older italian men in suits, drinking scotch and smoking cigars seated at a round table. The looked genuinely surprised, and said there was a better restaurant down the street. I laughed and said, if you are worried thqat we are going to hear your mob plans, don't...k=none of us speak italian. One of them thought it was funny, and he and an older gentleman seated us, brought us pasta and sauce, bread, minestrone soup, and kept our glasses of wine full. They were funny, and when we asked for our bill, they refused to let us pay anything. I told them, I'll meet you in Sicily for the hit next week, and they all laughed, kissed us all goodbye, and walked us to the door. Truly one of the best experiences of my life, but I know something was going down in Sicily that following week!

    Panda Kicki
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a similar one at a tiny langos shop. I was pregnant, really craved langos but it is only served on carnivals here. Only langos restaurant I ever seen here. They tried to talk me out of having a lango but I didnt take no for an answer 😂. Insistant preggie lady got her lango aftera long wait while they tried to figure things out and is was awesome.

    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is "langos" and which country did this happen?

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    M O'Connell
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My boss has a similar story about a restaurant in Chicago. The food was fantastic but always took forever and he was seemingly the only patron yet the place was open for years.

    P R
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Another fake story from your boss

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    Charl Marx
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had the same experience buying cookies in a Mexican bakery in a rough part of LA.

    Liss Reins(Queen/YourMajesty)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They probably just ordered from a nearby pizza place lol

    Paul Brown
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I worked renovating a bar, owners use to come to the bar on Fridays to pay us. They drove big Cadillac and paid us with hundred dollar bills. Really nice guys. Found out later that we're with mob out of Philly.

    Timbob
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That sounds strange. It sounds like they were not used to making Pizzas, but you say it was great .

    Lotekguy
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If these stories are true, my life has been even duller than I'd realized.

    Dont Sellmyinfo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some are true. I walked into a place in Brooklyn when I was 14 to get a cappuccino. It was like 10 pm, I’ve never seen a room go silent before. They made me my drink to go and I had a good talk with an older man in a tailored 3 piece suit standing outside…just standing, looking past us every now and then, but very polite. A few other well dressed guys walked up and I took that as my cue to leave. It was absolutely a mafia place. The cappuccino was delicious.

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    Abner_Mality
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Years ago went to a doughnut shop in my new neighborhood in San Francisco. At the counter and they didn't know what to charge me for what turned out to be a very stale doughnut... I realized that all of the two dozen or so older Asian gentleman sitting at tables inside each had a Styrofoam cup, no food, and a small Chinese newspaper, so betting front.

    Katie Lutesinger
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We had a burger chain here which made some of THE best burgers I ever tasted and had really good beers on tap, too. Then the whole thing suddenly shut down, which was when we found out it had been a front for a biker gang the whole time.

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    #26

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    Ernest_soft Report

    Daya Meyer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep, Game of thrones. Never watched never regret.

    Seán Hannan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have great respect for the people who never watched Game of Thrones and don't feel the need to tell everyone.

    Zedrapazia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like that nobody answered this post to say "Yeah, that's me!"

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    Kylie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would be me = )

    Kylie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never watched Breaking Bad either.

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    Georgie Montague
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never saw any of it. Don't even know what it is about.

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had some people explain it to me and it will forever be known to me as Incest and Dragons. I still haven't and won't watch it

    GB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never watched. It just seemed like too big of a commitment.

    Bumble
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you for giving a reason that makes sense. All of these "Peer pressure isn't my weakness" comments have been irritating me. But starting a new TV show is a commitment and I understand your reasons.

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    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Um, ok. I like the show, despite the flaws, but I feel OP is not only giving the show too much credit, but people in general as if it's such a great accomplishment to avoid a show/movie. With the number of people on Earth, the number of things to watch, and the variety of people's tastes, everyone has NOT seen something popular, and not because they should be in awe of avoiding peer pressure. 🙄. Yep, this entry sure qualifies as dumb.

    Kristal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You took this a bit personally didn't you? One of, if not THE, largest US export is media (tv/movies) and MANY MANY countries around the world do partake. However, I believe the OP is referring to the people that lived in countries where the vast majority of the population was exposed to it.

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    Shelli Aderman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Didn’t watch it. Don’t have HBO…

    Nat. Jones
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel the same way about the Kardashians...😎

    Goth Mouse (he/they)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ive never seen it on tv but i saw them filming it in wales, im guessing theres a lot of dismemberment because they wanted extras specifically with missing limbs 😅

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    #27

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Jenn White
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was offered membership to Hell's Angels in the back of my ambulance. (EMT here) It is very strange...

    Ross Shaw
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My little sister was a prison guard who treated the inmates like humans (as they should be treated.) She had one connected guy say, "I like the way you handle things. If anyone ever gives you any trouble, you need anything, just let me know." She couldn't figure out how to put "got an in with the Mob" on her resume.

    Anyone-for-tea?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’d ask him if being taken care of including running some errands for me, helping me with housework, and putting the kettle on.

    Mr. Nurse Man
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve been threatened numerous times by gang members if I didn’t “fix” their dude who was brought in with multiple gunshots. Thankfully nothing happened (yet) but I don’t play favorites regarding providing treatment to people anyway.

    Cthulhu Kitty
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to work at Juvi and on the outside with most gang kids. I've got a connection with almost all of the local gangs, even though they are opposing, and have been offered every drug or "service". It's always odd to have a teenager seriously tell you. "Miss Cthulhu Kitty just let us know what you need, we got you." That and hearing about murder so nonchalant. Fyi for those not in the know. The big mouth gangstas that brag are posers. It's the quiet one that people leave alone, they are the true shot callers.

    JuJu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could I get this number for a friend, please

    Maartje
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I worked in a restaurant in Bloods territory for a while. When a group of Crips came in one time, there was some tense conversation between the competing gangs (and my security guard s**t bricks). Later one of the Bloods called me over and told me that they had warned the Crips that they were not going to let them pull any stunts in my restaurant or walk out without paying without serious repercussions - because I was "all right". I had always treated them well and that is how they re payed me.

    INGI
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I lived in a sketchy neighborhood a few years ago. I was warned that my next door neighbors were major drug dealers, known for some pretty violent run-ins. I was a single female in my 20s, and I'll admit, I was nervous. One day, I needed help reaching the chandelier in my hallway. It was just out of reach, but I really needed light there. In a moment of desperation, I saw my neighbor (a verrrrrrry big man) outside, and decided to chance it. I asked for help. He came in, changed the lightbulbs for me, then asked if I needed any other help. Said to please stop by and ask anytime. He was absolutely one of the nicest people I have ever met. One night, all of the cars on my street were broken into. Mostly damage. They weren't stealing anything, just being horrible and causing people problems. Mine wasn't touched. I know why. Thanks, Derek, for always watching out for me. Three years later, police raided the house and they all got put away. I called and put some money in his account every so

    INGI
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    often. He looked out for me. I looked out for him. That was about 20 years ago. I hope he's out and living his best life. It definitely changed how I view "thugs."

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    madbakes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd save that number. I hope I would never need it, but ya never know.

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    Emma tells us her preferred platform nowadays is Instagram. "I prefer Instagram because it allows you to engage with fellow comedians and strangers outside of comedy who can become fans."

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    #28

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    HowieDewitttt Report

    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have never read the book but recognized the reference

    tameson
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Read the book. But be sure to have a box of tissues near by.

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    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I suspect they all got the reference, they just didn't think it was funny and were embarrassed for you.

    Anya Beboop
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone that didn't think it was funny is probably no fun at parties.

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    Alex Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When you're trying to have an Atticus Finch moment but end up looking like Boo Radley.

    Stephanie Did It
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Please don't down vote me but to let everyone that hasn't read the book know, it's NOT about killing a mockingbird. Just read it.

    Dak Janiels
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or, you need friends who think your dumb jokes are funny

    Anya Beboop
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg this is depressing af. Amazing wordplay!

    Fronkensteen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But..but Atticus was the one who told them to never kill a mockingbird

    BobiJK
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    GED here and even I got it lol

    The Disneyland Duck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm at a 10th grade math level, does that count?

    Rebecca Murdoch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And here I am with a cat called Catticus Finch 😂

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    #29

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets , twitter.com Report

    Some Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How to make thanksgiving uncomfortable 101

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's a family tree that is going to get tangled branches

    HTakeover
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if they both married their respective boyfriends, they would now be sister-daughter and sister-mom, and the younger one would be daughter-granddaughter.

    Cat Chat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother and I are raising my great-nieces together. For reasons, my mom legally adopted them. So they are my biological nieces, legally my sisters, but we treat our relationship as mother/daughter (they both call me Mom). Legally, they are aunts to their birth mother, and sister to their birth grandmother (my sister). Yeah, their genealogy charts are confusing.

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    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    " .. and ever since hey live together like nice big family regularly moving each other"s lawn. The end."

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Um I really misinterpreted what "mowed my sister's yard" meant and apparently was the only one

    Russell Rieckenberg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish I lived in a place where Thanksgiving is still lawn mowing season.

    Emma Harrington
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Has no one realised the "dad" would have been 12 when his son was born??

    Emma Harrington
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My bad... read the ages in the wrong order. It's wine monday

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    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd of just called thanksgiving a wash for that year. Cause it especially doesn't sound like either of you are with those men anymore.

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    #30

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    MediaGiraffes Report

    Cathy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Keys are always on the rack that says 'keys'

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    Rizzo
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know a smililar thing. You put on all your motorbike gear and the bloody thing doesn't start. You kick and kick and kick ... then you begin to sweat and you remove the helmet ... you kick and kick and kick ... then you remove your gloves ... you kick and kick and kick ... then you remove the leather jacket ... you kick and kick and then it starts and you quickly put on all your gear again. I had this in front of a street cafe and close to the end a white haired lady stood up, came to me and asked if she should give it a try. :)

    David
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NO. I run hot so coat is always last thing before I go out the door or - often - is just carried. And by "coat" I mean long sleeve flannel shirt, sometimes a hoodie if it is snowing.

    RabidChild
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Damn near daily occurrence in my house.

    Mr. Nurse Man
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Always do my EDC check before I even put my shoes on: keys, wallet, phone, pens, knife.

    Richi Weiss
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Definitely and like "Temporary Dork" said - they use to be in my coat already...

    Robert T
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you put your coat on too soon, you won't feel the benefit of it when you go outside. ;-)

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    "Any medium you write in is a good fit for you if you're using it consistently and employing the feedback you get from readers to continue to hone your skills," Emma tells us.

    For her the place to do that these days is Substack. She started on there in July 2021 and got her Substack named a Featured Substack of 2022. Subscribe and say hello to Emma on Substack or on her Instagram.

    #31

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Dave Forster
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can confirm as a 'Straight' man, Henry Cavill can get some!

    Nimitz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can confirm as a gay man, Henry Cavill can get me

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    Ross “Sarcastic Dad”
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We're all straight until Tom Hardy walks in the door. I think I've been very up front about this on other threads, lol.

    Lynda StJames
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can an almost 80 yo F boomer say, YES!! 🥵

    Tumbah
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm loving how this post is normalizing straight men acknowledging the hotness of other men.

    Melody Shanahan-Kluth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    oh God - Henry Cavill *swoon* straight woman here but still - OMG - he is the epitome of a delicious man

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me it's Jensen Ackles and Christian Kane. Yummmmmy And they are both like almost sixty and just get hotter, I mean what the hell.

    imagineiris
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Almost 60? Ackles is 45 and Kane is 51. Otherwise, agree.

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    Bobby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm more partial to Hodgens from bones. He has stunning eyes

    Nano Iders
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Straight here, but Brad Pitt as Achilles...

    Lara Verne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never understood the appeal of Brad Pitt. He looks fine, but there's a lot of actors who looks fine.

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    #32

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    __apf__ Report

    Panda Kicki
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am not sure how either is pronounced but like the idea!

    Cecilia Bragg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I had a penny for evey post that made me google 🤔😆

    HTakeover
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do you pronounce it Data or Data? Route or Route? Row or row? Bow or bow? Convict or Convict? Arkansas or Arkansas?

    Multa Nocte
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is one awesome neighbour!

    Christof Irran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you. Now I know what my next two cats will be called.

    JOHN DOE
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Houston Street in Houston is pronounced the same. But I learned Howston Street is spelled Houston.

    David
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know two sisters name Tricia and Patricia. They don't think that is weird / see it as the same name. Tricia is a diminutive form of Patricia so it seems a bit weird to me but they are nice girls (young ladies).

    Stephanie Did It
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pretty sure Sam Houston knew how to say his own name. I dunno where Houston is pronounced How-ston except in jokes.

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    #33

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The things people do to preserve peace in the neighborhood.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was rolling my eyes at someone broadcasting his good deed, but then I finished reading and laughed my bottom off! 🤣 I’m not smart enough to think to take a trip to avoid the noise, so I just gnash my teeth and get tension headaches from the noise. 🤬

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like a good plan, just the outward ticket though

    Petra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol! Hawaii would probably buy him the return ticket though. I'm sure they don't want him either! 😆

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    Mary Peace
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. I might go round to his house and tell him to delay the work for a few weeks...

    MarsFKA
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I must try that. I have grandchildren in France whom I haven't seen in nine years – I live on the other side of the world.

    HelmGrass
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it would be funny if it wasn't so sad

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    #34

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    CheeseCakePCK Report

    Mark
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bless you Giacomo!

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every like you receive will also be counted as a Bless You to Giacomo

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    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was an atheist, it surprised me how often people would get mad at me for not saying it. I'm a believer now, but I'm not afraid of my soul flying out of my nose when I sneeze. The blessing was to keep demons out long enough for the soul to get back to its body. Once I realized people needed acknowledgement for sneezing, I'd say, "It's nothing to sneeze at." Even now, I'm far more comfortable saying that than offering a blessing so the person isn't possessed before their soul gets back.

    egg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Made me spit out my water

    Liz Siemens
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahaha I just watched the "god bless you" episode of Seinfeld last night.

    Jane Hower
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had to look up the word - it's his NAME. Funny thing, I heard that a tourist in Germany Sneezed and someone said 'Gesundheit' and he said, 'Great, someone here speaks English!" hehe

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    #35

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    Some Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well did you give his face sweet licky licks and wag your tail? Then maybe you just don’t deserve those kisses as much as the dogy did.

    Kelly Scott
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or as one of my boyfriends said once, "Maybe if you'd come running to meet me, I'd pet you on the head first." But he was a smartass.

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    Toggaph de Dratersi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that to our cat, but so does my wife =^.^=

    TotallyNOTAFox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well, dogs are men's best friend after all

    BarkingSpider
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jump on his leg and pee on the floor from excitement when he gets home and you might get more attention.

    PHOTOBOB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, did you ever notice that the later you come home, the happier the dog is to see you?

    Anikulapo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he keeps it up, she might turn into a “female dog” alright.

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    ChugChug
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg I do this with the cat whike the kids and wife are in the room

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    #36

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    reallydumbtweets Report

    LooseSeal's $10 Banana
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's enough to put you in a fowl mood, that's for sure.

    mommamarmar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All of the gifts are birds. Consider: Patridge, turtle doves, French hens, calling birds (blackbirds), geese, swans. Then: golden rings (pheasants), maids a milking (magpies/cattle egret), ladies dancing (lapwing), lords a-leaping (cuckoos), pipers piping (sandpipers), drummers drumming (grouse). Whether that was the original intent behind the song or not, it makes perfect sense to me. Why else would 7/12 gifts be birds but not the other 5?

    Rahul Pawa
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was going to say I thought the golden rings were birds, didn't know about the maids, ladies, lords, pipers or drummers.

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    Dave Van Beurden
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    it's even worse... at the end of the 12 days, you will have 184 birds in total! 12 partridges, 22 turtle doves, 30 French hens, 36 calling birds, 42 geese and 42 swans!

    imontape
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember Andy in the Office not thinking this through when gifting Erin lol

    Jake B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The ending- 😂😆🤣😂😆🤣

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    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did a prison version: "On the 1st day of Christmas, my guard (l used the person's name) took from me: all of my commissary. Second day was two crocheted blankets. Then three gel pens. Four painted cups. Five golden earrings. Six plastic wrappers. Seven peanut butter jars. Eight homemade burritos. Nine plastic knives. Ten bags of beads. Eleven Sharpie markers. Twelve brown bananas.

    Smorka Zmorka
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are all birds!!! Golden rings too are birds! I saw a video of a guy explaining that recently

    Porribix
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    golden rings refer to gold ring pheasants so they are also birds

    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "The Twelve Days of Christmas" is a Christmas song. 12 days of presents. -YouTube, Pentatonix: https://youtu.be/1UHmQANFtNs?feature=shared . -The gifts are: Day 1: A partridge in a pear tree Day 2: Two turtle doves Day 3: Three French hens Day 4: Four calling birds Day 5: Five golden rings Day 6: Six geese a-laying Day 7: Seven swans a-swimming Day 8: Eight maids a-milking Day 9: Nine ladies dancing Day 10: 10 lords a-leaping Day 11: 11 pipers piping Day 12: 12 drummers drumming -Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song)

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    Natalie Kelsey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They're actually all birds, it's 347 or something total birds. Every one of them is a type of bird

    UtanaYona
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's what the fryer is for.

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    reallydumbtweets Report

    Dave van Es
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So this was: Come to the darkside, we have cookies?

    nancy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm pretty sure I'd come out of a coma if I smelled a panzorotti from Tony's (London, Ontario, Canada)... There are just some things worth living for.

    Osprey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Saved by a chocolate chip muffin craving! Like "Hey welcome to death" ... "do you have chocolate chip muffins here?" ... "no Im sorry we dont" ... "Ok then, thanks anyway Im gonna go back to earth now." ... "Ok kid, see you soon! Enjoy your muffin!!!"

    Rob(erta) Roy (They/Them)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll try to remember this if I'm ever close to dying

    Catlover129
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yea, IDK, I'm kinda a muffin freak myself .... I might have had a different outcome!

    David McKendrick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never mind playing music to people in a coma. Just have hot muffins next to their bed.

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    reallydumbtweets Report

    Greg Baughman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife always makes friends with someone at work, and they end up calling each other their "Work wife". One day, I was greeted by the wife's friend saying "Hello, husband-in-law!" Cracked me up. I've been "Husband in law" ever since.

    #39

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Eastendbird
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh my god, yes. There are so many stories I could tell...

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    Phil
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In high school myself and some friends were high/drunk/both and having snacks at 2:00am at a Denny's (24-hour diner chain in the US). In walks a group of younger teachers from our school who are high/drunk/both. We made eye contact, silently agreed that neither of existed right now, and continued our night out ignoring each other.

    YetAnotherSarah
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had a teacher explain that by the very fact that she was a teacher, she couldn't go out to bars because how would our parents feel, seeing one of their kid's teachers at a bar? Meanwhile, had another teacher crack jokes about he and a third teacher rolling joints together. Parent now. Wouldn't care about seeing my kids' teachers at bars. In fact, have seen it frequently.

    Stardust she/her
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a feeling my math and chemistry teachers might’ve done something similar this weekend

    Kare Deter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Absolutely. After one harrowing day at work my first year a colleague suggested I go home and have a stiff drink. I responded that I don't drink alcohol. He replied "its never too late to start".

    pineapple87
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm more concerned about all my university friends now having children of their own. Like that guy/girl? That's someone's parent.

    Catlover129
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember seeing my 3rd grade teacher at the grocery store one day and it totally blew my mind! It finally occurred to me that teachers are humans - they eat, they drive, they don't disappear at 3 PM and magically show up again at 8 AM. I was so shocked I couldn't even say Hi Mrs. Sullivan.

    Rob Williams
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Speaking as a former teacher, yes...yes we did.

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    reallydumbtweets Report

    Christof Irran
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It wasn't the weight of his balls, it was all the water inside his skull where normal people would have their brains.

    tameson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It gets even better. He wasn't trying to outrun the avalanche, he did the backflip in front of it!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMLVeRtB3Kw

    Bob Brooce
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The guy's an excellent and fairly fearless skier, but what really happened is that he didn't realize that he triggered the slide and was already committed to the flip and only saw it while he was already in the air. The bravest/stupidest thing was that he turned back under it when continuing left would have taken it out of the path. He talks about it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAfrMf8YCdg

    Sara Wilson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What else r u going to do? Wait for it to plow u over?!

    Hi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My favorite one so far.

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now the second part is probably more true than the man meant to do it.

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    #41

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Saphyre Fyre
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The shelter needs to stop allowing him to adopt pets!

    Tracy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So, maybe it's time to keep the cats indoors?

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't know how they keep letting him have animals. it is illegal to do this on both parts. In USA anyhow.

    Suck it Trebek
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shelters need people to adopt "barn cats ". They are basically feral but need someone to feed them and provide a place for them to go for warmth and protection. That's the risk you have to take with barn cats. They have been strays their whole lives and don't know how to live with humans. These cats need to be adopted too.

    Laura Gillette
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    STOP LETTING YOUR CATS OUTSIDE, PEOPLE

    Keira Pendragon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a much better and more reasonable response than condemning the guy for adopting cats. Especially if he's adopting cats that were on the way to being put down...

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    HelmGrass
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    one more reason cats need to be indoors

    eMpTy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Outdoor and feral cats are decimating the population of small mammals and bird species here. Keep you cats indoors and neutered. No apex preditors here to keep their numbers low. (p.s. can I borrow your coyote?)

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    #42

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm safe, they'll never find mine (because I don't have one)

    Grant Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hahaha most people won't get it but me neither

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    TotallyNOTAFox
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NASA has to wait, my doctor made an appointment first

    stupidMonkey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't care how old I am. I will giggle like a schoolboy at Uranus jokes till the day I die.

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    NASA sneaking up to the solar system with a space probe full of Rohypnol

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Those look more like (・人・) than anuses (anii?).

    Tracy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Space Knocker-Bockers!

    Mart Se
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope that one day i will be mature enough to read this original post without giggling. I'm 32 at the moment

    Oddball
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dinner, Dancing and Flowers first! What can I say, I'm old fashioned.

    L. Murphy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never tire of Uranus jokes.

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    #43

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    reallydumbtweets Report

    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your first mistake is giving a rat’s 🍑 about what people on Rotten Tomatoes say.

    CORGI QUEEN
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    most rotten tomato movies are my favorite, monty python, dumb and dumber any really good bad movies. austin powers, ace ventura. you name it ( idk if any of these aren't rotten tomato's i am not gonna search it up lol.)

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    With me it's usually the other way round: I watch a movie or series that has been hyped and I keep thinking: Wow, this is boring. I hate the main characters. Why is it always dark? And I don't understand what the hell is going on?

    imontape
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! And just because it won an Oscar is no guarantee for it to be a great movie. Sometimes quite the opposite.

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    kath morgan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think there’s a difference between enjoyable and objectively good (and it’s fine! Have fun with it!)

    JayWantsACat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup, this. There are plenty of well crafted, acted, written, etc films that I didn't really enjoy but can understand why it's universally regarded as great. Not all films are made for everyone and that's ok. I LOVE Taco Bell and it's 'good' because I love but don't delude myself into thinking it's GOOD.

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    Ima Manimal
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Some of the highest critically acclaimed movies that I’ve seen have been absolutely the most boring. Seven years, Tibet… It’s like being stuck seven years in Tibet.

    bradford johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Water World....loved it. the world hated it.

    Saphyre Fyre
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Caring what others think over your own genuine reaction to something be like...

    Yer maw 󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And that's why I don't read reviews and I also hate watching trailers - they give too much away. But rave reviews p**s me off more than anything, it's sets expectations and it never lives up to it always creating disappointment- so I just read the very brief plot summary and go from there - and I don't generally care is everyone hates the movie and I like it, other people's opinions make no difference, I'll like what I like

    not your average weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All the movies I like are the ones that nobody in my generation knows about so I can only talk to my dad about them lol

    JL
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love Hudson Hawk, and I make no apologies for that.

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    #44

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    Lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can I just point out that it's usually the childless adults that are expected to cover holiday shifts which are tiring enough as it is. I'm in a relationship (same-sex) and my partner and I had to work every Christmas and New Years for 7 years because 'we don't have a family waiting for us at home.' Erm, the two of us ARE our family and here we are working together on holidays.

    Angi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or how about the fact that just because I'm not a mother doesn't mean I don't want to spend they day with my mother

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    Kathleen McGann
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about my family situation is none of your concern. If my end time is 5pm, I leave at 5pm. I don't need to justify that.

    Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom was a nurse (retired, not dead). She would trade her Christmas day with a coworker's New Year's. Mom wanted to do the family Christmas thing, and the coworker wanted to do the New Year party thing.

    V
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are you supposed to have time to develop a meaningful relationship if you are working late every night.

    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just dead my friendships with anyone who says it.

    Skulls.N.Succulents
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm married with kids and I rush home to my BED! lol

    Francine Oglethorpe
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Listen people everyone deserves time off....if you work a job that is open on holidays it is expected that you will eventually work said holidays....come on now that's silly. Why is everything a fight, an argument, a battle. Live your life.

    Christel Nellemann
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The single years, it was even MORE important to spend time with family as I saw the, so rarely .

    Maripat Webber
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As the only single woman in my department, in the earthquake plan I was the designated as the person who stays until the last kid is picked up and/or stays with any kid who is not picked up. The mother of 7 told the manager that everyone BUT me had partners, spouses, extended family etc, but I had a dog and a cat who were, obviously, entirely dependent on me. The boss didn’t care, but I was grateful that anyone had figured that out.

    Caffeine72
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a boss who would let me go on time every time because I had to go walk the dog. The people with kids were stuck there, though.

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    #45

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    reallydumbtweets Report

    Alex Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jimmy Stewart had just won the Best Actor Academy Award for Philadelphia Story in 1940 and everyone was wondering what was next for him. He enlisted in the Army Air Force in 1941, flew bombers during the war earning several medals for bravery. Ended up a General in the reserves. He went back to acting after the war and was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood for the next thirty years. I guess we're just built different now.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back when famous people were expected to "influence" the rest of us by doing the right thing

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    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Medic! Medic!" "Shake it off!"

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Sergeant quickly peered over the top of the sand bags with his binoculars before slumping against them swearing a blues streak. He looked over to his lieutenant and said "We're outnumber at least 20 to 1"The lieutenant looked frowned and asked "What do we do?" The Sergeant turned him around and reached for the field radio "We need reinforcements. It's time to call in the best of the best" "No!" gasped the lieutenant "That's inhumane! Not the..." the Sergeant cut him off as he barked into the radio "SEND IN THE MARIAH CAREY'S"

    Nikole
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    All she wants for xmas is VICTORY!

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    Keshvir Tugh
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My response would be "oh oh oh..." (my cover of single ladies)

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And it also inspired an awesome musical. (Bye Bye Birdie) :)

    Stephanie Did It
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My FIL was his Sergeant. Elvis had it plenty easy.

    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just the fact that he could flirt with his CO's 14 year old daughter and not get killed says a lot

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    Kelly Scott
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One of my friends can't pronounce her name and calls her Bouncy.

    Binky Melnik
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    BTS members and the Korean Zombie also had to serve during their prime years. Matter of fact, by the time the Zombie came back, he was on the old side of the hill and past his prime. 😰 ETA: And Rain, too.

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    #46

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    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then there’s my teacher who went “u tried but you didn’t structure it right, also the algorithm said you copied off other students. C+.” (My essay was similar to other students’ because we all had to extensively cite from the same document. I contested it and got that demerit removed.)

    ValdaDeDieu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good for you. NEVER BACK DOWN if you're right. You'll live with yourself better.

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    Angie Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A fellow student and I were accused of threatening to kidnap and kill a teacher's kids. The teacher had a mental breakdown because of fear and anxiety. Ran out of the room screaming and never came back. Reality is that we were discussing a story about how you could use Miracle-Gro to write words on your lawn. Thirty-six years and I still can't figure out how she got to murder from lawn art.

    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I got accused of trying to cheat in my test about Macbeth because I couldn't find my dictionary in the morning and just grabbed my dad's old one. Never used it but the teacher looked through them and it had NOTES ABOUT MACBETH in it that my dad used to cheat back in his day. FFS.

    Sawdust
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.

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    Anyone-for-tea?
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is also something called self-plagiarism, I went to uni before we Turnitin existed and didn’t know about it, so when I was on my Masters, I chose topics that were similar to save on the amount of research as I was also working full-time, I then got in trouble for plagiarising myself about the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan!

    Petra
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've always thought that self-plagiarism shouldn't be a thing. As long as you came up with the idea, you should be able to use it as often as you want.

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    Andy Frobig
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hope you got some really heartfelt apologies out of that! My way out of being suspected of plagiarism, when writing a paper, was to write about something I already knew a lot about, and then find similar ideas in source books and cite them. This was in the '80s when copy/paste required actual paste from a jar

    Cjay
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve seen this several times from different people

    Joshua
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had a professor give a take home test and act surprised when a bunch of students had similar answers. Telling us "we weren't supposed to work on it together." We were all just like should have mentioned that beforehand.

    Spannermonkey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. I got lectured in front of a HS class for plagiarism because the writing was too good. Demanded his proof. He couldn't - because the work was mine. I got a fresh mark and an apology....in private, not in front of the class. Not my fault he was used to marking illiterate mouth-breathers.

    Must Be Bored Again
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was in elementary school and had just finished lunch but had to use the restroom really bad, playground bathroom was a couple of buildings away but teachers bathroom was just a few steps out in the hall. Knew I wouldn't make it to playground one so just slipped into adult one and right back out as quick as possible. Got marched into the principal's office for using staff bathroom. Geez!!!!! I was a little kid. This was back when kids got paddled for doing bad things. I was scared to death I was going to get hit with the paddle just because I really had to go.

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    #47

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Jonas Fisher
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You should pity that guy. The whole time he was thinking, "What? No! Not now, dammit. Grandma grandma grandma...oh just go away."

    Jefferson Selvy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She just doesn't realize that we only get so many of those and like your maiden aunt they show up without warning

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    Szzone
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hey those things are automated. If he just consoled you and didn't do snything else, then he really didn't want to do anything, but listen, just the physical touch of your body on his can be enough, the man-parts run on their own separate server and launch control and everything.

    Boris Long-Johnson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunate and funny but especially when younger it really does have a mind of its own

    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What? He really wanted to make you happy.

    Dale Gleason
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dead cats, dead cats, dead cats, ...

    Diane H
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This happened at my boyfriend's funeral when I was 16. That's how I got my next boyfriend. :)

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    #48

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    ftmensch Report

    SparkDragon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Like Russian Roulette through the door!

    Hamster
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok this reminded me of the lines: “you’re better off playin’ Russian Roulette” from Real, by NF.

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    kath morgan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get nervous shoving all the spam in the recycling in case there’s an important letter stuck to one of them. *shakes out the coupon leaflet*

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funniest Junk Mail I got through he door was a leaflet printed on 2 folded A4 sheets of paper explaining the virtues of recycling paper and card. I didn't bother reading it beyond that point and put it straight into the paper recycling bin

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Prove that it arrived at my mail box, now a days they can but just a ffew years ago, you could just claim it never came. Postman isn't going to remember everysingle letter. they don't even often look at them except for what they need to know.

    Nikole
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And just because it arrived at your mailbox doesn’t mean you received it. Pesky kids trying to prevent me from jury duty………

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    Rinoboyrich
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There’s going to be a law someday that makes it illegal to send anything offensive through the mail. Bills. Bills are offensive…

    BookFanatic
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yup. I almost threw out my jury summons because I thought it was another credit card application.

    Nice Beast Ludo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When is the last time anyone got a JVPenney catalogue??

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    #49

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Wubbleyew
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But for it to be a match dont both parties have to show an interest by swiping?

    Realistic Optimist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Might not have paid too much attention when swiping. Also, it's not unheard of for professors and students to date. The general rule of thumb is it can't happen when they are an active student of the professor, but it does depend on the university. Some ban it entirely.

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    Georgie Montague
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And if you make it an A, I won't tell anyone else you're on Tinder.....

    stupidMonkey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why would being on Tinder be embarrassing? Are teachers not allowed to be human beings?

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    Hey!
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If Tinder had existed while I was in school, that teacher would have been dismissed for misbehavior, just for being on Tinder.

    Rizzo
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tinder is a 'meet-to-f*ck-app', right? This is so awkward. Imagine matching with a relative. Yuck!

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    #50

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    honkysupreme Report

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can you imagine if Trump came back as a ghost, would he be pale orange?

    Some Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He griddyed down the stairs and disappeared!

    Irishwoman abroad
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you guys still speaking English? I think I'm too out of date to understand! 😂

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    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The ghost Harlem Shaked through a wall.

    Black Garbage
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or a kid popping his head out of your toilet and doing the skibidi toilet thing.

    SirWriteALot
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Had to google "stanky leg". Wtf?

    David
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had to google stanky leg. I'd say it looks dumb but I've done the hokey pokey with others at the local roller rink so .. glass houses and all that.

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "I don't do no stanky leg, I do my chicken wing, my chicken wing."

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    #51

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Meanwhile everybody be sending their literal genetic information to a company for shits 'n giggles

    Crybabyartist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know tis black girl that found out she was probably black

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    Crybabyartist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Gov has your prints from the day you were born dude... thats not eve thing.... you arent even scared enough!!

    Crybabyartist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    so what like MR'D I want to know what you think about divers license issues...could be an instructor

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Social security card birth certificates, it's almost like the government always tracks you and has a hand in your pocket for money, Thanks republicans

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    #52

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    mattdpearce Report

    Moë
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just wait until your 40s

    mommamarmar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    34 and just found out I've had arthritis in my spine for almost 3 years now that caused a compression fracture in my T11 and T12. Only took 4 separate specialists to find it because "You're only 34 with no significant trauma to your back, so you must be making up all the pain."

    Jossh Nine
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm 44. I yawned and pulled a muscle in my neck.

    Rinoboyrich
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Your 60s: Bit off my tongue when I sneezed. And broke a hip.

    Crybabyartist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How can God Expect us to love him when this is the design!!!!?? I freakin' hurt Fear God!!

    Zoey Rayne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a 34 year old with an annoying amount of back and neck pain, I have to ask: Am I an old young person or a young old person? Also, what's the difference?

    Lemaire
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These are connected events--it just takes 10 or so years to realize how much damage you have done.

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    #53

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    mommamarmar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My favorite professor was my neuroscience prof. First day of class she waltzes in, introduces herself, then says "Ok, here are all the drugs you can experiment with in college without many long term side effects, and here are the ones that will mess you up for life." She quickly became my faculty advisor haha

    Erdot
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm a uni professor. You might say I'm laid back, but it's because students have to WANT to work at a uni, I can't and won't force them. I mean, unlike in high schools, coming here was your choice, innit?

    Surenu
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As one of my professors recently said "I try to avoid you having to do actual work, because when you do actual work, I have to do actual work too and I can't have that." Ironically, I learned a lot more in that course than in most others.

    Realistic Optimist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In my experience, most college professors will accommodate almost anything with notice. Most honestly just want you to do well and will work with you, if you work with them.

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Every professor is different. I had very strict ones (the type that would start calling you on the phone if you're 2 minutes late for class), and very laid-back ones as well (the type that invites you to his office for booze and poker).

    #54

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Some Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why did someone down vote you? Doctors can be scary! Especially when they’re connected to why youre there if you’re sick or something.

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    Trillian
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To get a doctor's appointment I need an entire morning because it is either busy or no one picks up and then we argue back and forth to find a date that is not 6 months in the future or in the middle of the workday. Just let me book online ffs.

    mommamarmar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an elder millennial, this is me 100%. Though I be kicking the tear gas cannister back at whoever threw it in the first place. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!

    Nimitz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's stuff like this that makes me hope things will suddenly get better as the boomers die off

    James016
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My GP surgery has changed their system, instead of a mad rush a 8am to call and book an appointment, it is now an online form which becomes available at 7.30am. The few times we have used it, we have had same day appointments (get a call back within a couple of hours), before it could take weeks to get an appointment. Patients can still call up and the staff will help fill in the form but will not book appointments over the phone.

    Helena
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't like making appointments because they always ask for your date of birth. The only time to make appointments is during working hours. Which means i'm calling from my desk. i'm not trying to announce my age at work.

    Cloud Fisher
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well YEAH -- phone calls are scary!

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    #55

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One more time with feeling: if the rich are exempt from it, it’s not inherent to adulthood.

    David Paterson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The rich aren't exempt from it. Anyone who isn't trying to steal from the rich is trash talking them in public. Usually both.

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    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How about when I tried to jump on a kids trampoline as an adult and my friend thought it would be funny to "double bounce" me. And I blew out my knee. :)

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    #56

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Georgie Montague
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, we have naturally occurring body hair. Deal with it.

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's almost as if you're mammals or something :P

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    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't even see hair on that person's legs! Whoever wrote that would probably faint if they saw an unshaved armpit.

    Mobey Drunk
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I zoomed in and can barely see anything. I truly don't understand the logic some men have.

    Jaya
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But... they're not even hairy at all. Her leg hair is pretty much invisible in this picture.

    Rizzo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is his brain so weak?

    Sky Render
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am reminded of that incredibly dim fellow who thought Aloy from Horizon: Forbidden West had a beard because she had hair on her face. Newsflash: women have hair on their face too. It's usually soft and light in color, but it's hair just the same! Same with arms, legs, etc.

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    #57

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    BrownTabby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did postgrad while working a job that has a decent amount of overtime. I still haven’t recovered.

    Huddo's sister
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We only had three exams my whole of uni...

    David McKendrick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I loved when I finished college and could read a textbook without having an exam on what I read afterwards.

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you're an art major, you have all that plus a still life in charcoal, a pencil portrait, and a complete oil painting.

    #58

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    His grandfather was admitted to hospital for breathing problems. He couldn't breath because he was laughing so hard

    Cecilia Bragg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh that's....that's. Evil and funny . The elite version of dad jokes. Grandad pranks xxx

    ILoveMySon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Actually, this makes sense as it is consumed in steel mills to avoid dehydration.

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    Rizzo
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When german politicians met their russian counterparts in 1955 to negotiate the return of german POWs, Chancellor Adenauer gave everyone a few spoons of olive oil to deal with the Vodka the russians made them drink through the whole process. They succeeded and almost 5000 POWs could return back home.

    Andrej Rizer
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not the only proof of why an excess of vegetable oils is bad for you health, folks.

    Corvus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pranks aside, eating greasy food is helpful when drinking.

    lily jones
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm all for funny pranks if the pranked can appreciate the humour but this doesn't sound funny at all

    Mila Preradović
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not a prank but an actual life hack confirmed by science; only it's a spoon of olive oil, not 3 shots: https://www.science.org/content/article/morning-after-science

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    #59

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Annika Traritrara
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    French may look complicated but is way more logical than English. "ough" is the same in "though" and "tough" but you end up saying thow and tuff thank you very much

    Nerenahd Dhaneren
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    O totally agree. I speak both as 2nd and 3rd language and to be fair, once you get the logic of how French works, it's not all that complicated as it seems at first glance. English is easier nevertheless.

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    Deborah B
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Spelling is puzzling. What made people saying "wazo" decide to write it down as oiseaux? Did they throw darts at the alphabet? was it a prank that got out of hand? Was it like scrabble, and one of them wanted to use up their last seven tiles?

    Zoey Rayne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Germans got a lot of things wrong historically, but I do appreciate their consistent phonics.

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But every diphthong is pronounced exactly the way it should be pronounced in French...'oi' pronounced 'wah', single 's' pronounced 'z', and 'eaux' pronounced 'oh'.

    Arnaud
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I hate the most is that "plus" can mean "more" or "no more".

    Hellebore
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, if you can hear the "s" at the end it's more, if not "no more" 😉

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    #60

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Realistic Optimist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honestly, you just kind of fall into them. Companies hire you for something specific, but when it's done, forget or don't know what to do with you. It happened once in my career and wasn't all that great. You still gotta be at work, but you just have nothing to do.

    Wubbleyew
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    By being a suck up and knowing the right people I think

    Alex Martin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You make too much to leave and you live in fear that they'll eventually figure out you don't really do anything.

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    #61

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    simoncholland Report

    amy lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's worse... They could have said you were born in the last millennium, not even last century.... Last millennium.

    David McKendrick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can remember when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon...

    LuciBelle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me too. And there’s this old woman who keeps jumping in front of me when I look in the mirror.

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    #62

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Realistic Optimist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Buy a carton of eggs because that's how much eggs will cost by the time I accrue 2 million dollars.

    Cyber Returns
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a win on the Euromilliions on Friday. I won £3.20 I celebrated by blowing it all on a bag of chips

    Mobey Drunk
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My next move? Wait for them to fix that mistake, because I'm not paying that s**t back.

    White Sauce Hot Sauce
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Take a nap so I can wake up from this dream.

    Spannermonkey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Withdraw the whole lot as a cheque to cash. Buy diamonds. Wait for the dust to settle. Sell diamonds. Invest overseas.

    #63

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    vision_josie Report

    Andrea Squires
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    in 2021 Covid was still a big thing in some places, some workplaces had to check temps before you were allowed to stay.

    MushroomHead22
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yeah jan 14 was like peak covid. s**t was not good. we had curfews here; i had a letter from my job that stated i was allowed to be on the road after 8pm and before 5am. what a time to be alive.

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    ILoveMySon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like her style. Some days you just want to go back home.

    Jan Moore
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We flew into Hong Kong in 2017 and you had to have your temp checked before you left the gate area.

    Panda Kicki
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dont really get this one? She went to a doctors office?

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A lot of places wouldn't allow anyone in until they had their temperature taken during the pandemic. The lady in this story had to attend something she didn't want to so pretended she had a fever so she had a good excuse to have to go home.

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    #64

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    Nikki Sevven
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How are you in uni with grammar and spelling like that?!

    Lesa Larman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If it wasn't signed Thomas, I would have thought my nice wrote this. She did that.

    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A guy who accidentally released bear spray said there's no chance anyone can escape from a bear after using it.

    Rinoboyrich
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, I spilled a box of 500 thumbtacks on the common hallway carpet. Good Luck!

    Skullface VonHornhelm
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because bears have such a keen sense of smell, bear spray is actually less potent than the pepper spray made for use on humans.

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    #65

    Really-Dumb-Funny-Tweets

    reallydumbtweets Report

    A Wild Bean (they/them/any)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know not one, but TWO people who eat their sandwiches like this 😭

    Bear Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "There, I saved half a sandwich for you."

    Donteatme666
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I like to think I'm a kind reasonable human being so yeah go die please 🥺 hate how this looks soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much

    PolymathNecromancer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then next time, CUT IT IN HALF LIKE I ASKED

    General Stukov
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a half eaten 9inch "footlong" duh subway...

    Hamster
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My best friend and my younger sister eats their sandwiches like this 🤦‍♀️

    Kare Deter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would totally keep other people from running off with my leftovers. I think I'll adopt it from now on.

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