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There is no such thing as being a ‘perfect’ parent. In this day and age, it feels like everyone has an opinion on raising kids. And if you’re chronically online, it can feel like every single parenting influencer is living this wonderful life where nothing ever goes wrong. Of course, all of that is an illusion.
Digital content creator Anneliese King is widely known on Instagram for sharing her raw and unfiltered thoughts on motherhood. We’ve collected some of her top insights to share with you, Pandas. Scroll down to take a peek.
Bored Panda reached out to Anneliese, and she was kind enough to tell us about the story behind her account, @sh**tymommymoments. She also shared why many of us feel pressured to be ‘perfect’ and what can help new parents when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
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#1

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Silly Panda Cat
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But you're the one who actually did all the work, and he gets the praise. Not fair. Damn the patriarchy

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Anneliese told Bored Panda that she created her Instagram account, @sh**tymommymoments, back when she was pregnant with her second child and her oldest was three years old. “I didn’t have a group of mom friends and felt like being a mom was extremely lonely and frustrating, which was the opposite of what I saw others seem to be experiencing on social media,” she told us via Instagram.

"There was one other account, @momsbehavingbadly, that I resonated with. So, I thought maybe I could create an account that is relatable to people like me? Maybe I’ll make some friends. Or at least have it be an outlet for venting," she opened up about the history of her super popular social media project.

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cerinamroth
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! I grew up on a farmstead as you guys call it - to outsiders, the idyllic childhood. I now live in another country because I had to get as far away as possible to start a new life. Never trust first appearances and always distrust social media!

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We were curious to get Anneliese's thoughts on the added pressure of raising kids 'perfectly.' "Parents, and moms especially, feel a lot more pressure lately because we are INUNDATED with advice on how to be better and how to not 'continue the cycle,'" she said.

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“While these are helpful, they can have a negative impact when all we see is all the ways we’re probably messing our children up because we said something like, ‘If you don’t come on, we’re leaving the park without you!’” the mom pointed out that the expectations set on social media are unrealistic and impractical.

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Anyone-for-tea?
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6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gosh, yes, I’ve never thought about this before. So much casual sexism loitering around everyday language. As a woman, who was a police officer, you wouldn’t believe how many people have asked me about being a “policeman” or then get flustered and say oh, “police person”, I always laugh and say “police officer” is fine!

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According to Anneliese, new parents who feel overwhelmed by everything should not try to cherish every moment. From her perspective, a lot of these moments are bad.

"Create one time each day that is cherishable, even if it’s just the time you snuggle up and watch a movie. Cherish that hour or 20 minutes, and it’ll help you get through the harder ones. And it’ll be the time your kids remember most, too."

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There are over 5 billion people on social media, according to Statista. With so many people spending a large chunk of their time online, it only makes sense that they’re at least partly influenced by the posts and videos they see.

When we’re constantly bombarded with images and clips of someone’s idyllic family life, it can feel like we’re failing as parents if our experiences don’t match theirs. We want to fit in. We want to be respected. We want to avoid being seen as failures. That’s why some people try to follow in these influencers’ footsteps without considering whether these parenting trends even benefit them.

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Susan
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband blamed the weight he gained when I was pregnant to his being sympathetic to me.

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Milady Blue
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My neighbor was married to a rather spoiled man, so she taught their three sons how to do their laundry, cook, and other household chores. "I'm doing my future daughters in law a big favor, I hope they appreciate it!"

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EP
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hahahaha I totally believe it. They just want a person to talk AT!

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But the reality is that the vast majority of parents are anything but failures. If you’re doing the best that you can to take care of your kids, you’re already a winner. If your children are fed, clothed, loved, and have a roof over their heads, you’ve got the basics down! Anything else that you do is a bonus.

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In short, you should not feel like parenting is a competition. You do not have to sign your toddler up to four different preschool extracurriculars to be a good parent.

Similarly, it’s okay if your teenager doesn’t get into high-flying internships to prepare them for college admissions. And you’re allowed to heat up a frozen dish from time to time: crafting three gourmet, extremely nutritious meals every single day is exhausting.

Aiming only for affluence and trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ (or probably the Kardashians these days) is all about ego, not good parenting.

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Shark Lady
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favourite memories of my dad is helping him with all the different DIY jobs he did, I learnt loads and he always let me have a go if I wanted to.

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Rahul Pawa
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6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you feel overwhelmed with too many tasks or that you didn't get enough done, always remember that hall of fame baseball players only hit the ball about 3 out of 10 times they step up to the plate. You had 10 things to do today and you did 4? Good job! You're in the hall of fame!

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What your kids actually want and need is for you to spend quality time with them. Hide your smartphone, step away from all of your responsibilities, and focus on your children.

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Play some games. Build some stuff out of Lego. Read some books. Talk about how cool science is. Go feed your local ducks in the park. Kick or throw a ball around. Or both! Go make some new friends or visit your relatives. Teach your kids some cool skills or show them the hobbies you care about.

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Shark Lady
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's important for couples to still make time for each other, you need to remind yourself why you fell in love with them in the first place, before life got in the way.

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Anyone-for-tea?
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can you imagine the guy who is scared of lip balm, minivans, and the colour purple doing this!

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Shark Lady
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always knew when my mum needed time to herself during the long summer holidays, because a new book would be sat at my place at breakfast!

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There are countless ways to connect with your munchkins, but all of them require you to be present. No distractions! At the end of the day, what your kids are going to remember is having fun with their family.

Think back to your own childhood. The odds are that what pops into your head are the moments when you connected with your family doing something fun. The specific activity isn’t as important as the fact that it’s done together.

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flower petals
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom obsessed over every bite of food she took and literally stood in front of the mirror from when I was small, analyzing and criticizing her body out loud (though she was super thin) and I can’t remember a time when she didn’t do this. And then she wondered why I got an eating disorder.. 🙄

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Anneliese King writes on her website that she first created her Instagram account as a way to normalize “the imperfect moments of motherhood.” These days are filled with bad moments, but this doesn’t make someone a bad parent. Her social media project is all about “supporting moms through laughter and real talk, and putting a stop to the notion that your house, your hair, or your mental health should appear perfectly intact at all times in order to be a good mom to your kids.”

The digital creator has a massive presence on social media. She has a jaw-dropping 409k followers on Instagram, as well as 15.5k fans on TikTok.

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Though everyone’s parenting journey is bound to be unique and there are no universal answers for how to raise kids well, some approaches are healthier than others.

Authoritative parenting, one of four main parenting styles, is the most balanced of the bunch. It focuses on creating a balance between firm boundaries and unconditional love, which creates an environment where kids most often thrive.

Authoritative parents do their best to communicate very clearly, openly, and with calm assertiveness. They establish guidelines, so their kids always know what acceptable behavior looks like and what’s inappropriate. On top of that, these parents also support their children unconditionally and celebrate their individuality. It’s a blend of structure, transparency, and good old-fashioned support. Their kids, in turn, grow to be more resilient, develop better self-esteem, and have better all-around emotional well-being.

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#24

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Gavin Johnson
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorced Dad here. They do. I get asked where she is, how she’s doing at school, all manner of random stuff to add, my daughter is quite well known in her home village so there’s all sorts of folk who speak to me about her.

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The other 3 main parenting styles are slightly problematic. For example, authoritarian parents have lots of rules and restrictions for their kids, but they hardly ever communicate why they should be followed. They expect their children to fall in line no matter what, and they don’t take their feelings into account.

#25

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cerinamroth
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reader, I married him. He told me to go and have a wee lie-down earlier because I looked shattered (I am; mental and physical health problems) while he unloaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen. Then he watered the garden because our veggies were looking droopy. After he'd been up in the night with the kids. He's not always perfect (who is?), but today he absolutely was.

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Adrian
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel sorry for the woman who is posting all of these. She either had a bad experience with a man or is a misandrist. I'm a man and my mom taught me how to cook and it has been a great benefit, personally, and also in the dating scene.

Jennik
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think she's a misandrist. It's still a sexist world out there. Your mother may have taught you to cook, but there are still plenty of men who are reluctant to do things that were traditionally considered women's jobs. Actually, cooking is probably at the more glamorous end of things when you consider chores such as doing the laundry and cleaning the toilet.

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#27

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Shark Lady
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You need to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping someone else with theirs.

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On the flip side, permissive parents tend to see their little munchkins as their friends. So much so that they rarely enforce any rules at home. It’s all support without structure or parental involvement.

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This doesn’t do the kids much good because when they grow up, they tend to have problems with self-esteem and struggle dealing with authority figures.

Meanwhile, uninvolved parenting happens when the caregivers are completely detached from what their children do. They spend barely any time with them, effectively leaving them to raise themselves.

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What’s your parenting philosophy like, dear Pandas? What do you think can help parents avoid the ‘perfection’ trap that many online influencers set? How can we all develop a more relaxed approach to raising kids? Share your thoughts in the comments.

#31

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cerinamroth
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With my daughter, yes. With my son, he's always rejected me in favour of his dad. It started as soon as he started screaming at the sight of my boobs!! :D :D But we have a better relationship than we did in the beginning because he can communicate better. Babyhood is overrated!

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#32

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Shark Lady
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was so lonely as a mum, I had my daughter at 18 so none of my friends had kids and I wasn't welcome at mum groups because I was a teenage mum.

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#33

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cerinamroth
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to do this until I realised my daughter was getting so anxious because of it. She really used to suffer and started wringing her hands and scratching herself. So I started making sure we had plenty of time in the morning, even if I looked like the last zombie standing.

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karen snyder
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Excuse me Ma'am, your privilege is showing. You pull this s**t as a poor, gay or brown parent, you get CPS called on you.

#36

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cerinamroth
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't really care about strangers at all. Generally, I can give as good as I get when it comes down to it. The massive increase in confidence is the biggest benefit of being an older mum (which is most likely why society looks down on us).

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