That is epic!

I have a new career aspiration.

My little nephew ordered me to play football with him. Then he put me in the penalty box for unknown reasons.

I want a crow friend!

If the garbage men go on strike, you realise how important they are.

Too late, the whole world is making fun of it already

Future partners be warned, I aspire to be this reviewer

Tyler has no idea.

Cats are great snobs too.

HR: we are short staffed right now can you have an emergency later

The chicks are going back to their homeworld.

Mine too, Randy... Mine too.....

I swear there are levels of being unlucky. I get the symptoms that run for 2 weeks before the show actually starts

Nope, wrong address. Send him to Hell where he belongs.

A tad stereotypical, perhaps… but in the end, who wouldn’t want to be associated with naan? It’s pretty good!

A variation of “I told you so”.

Poor kitty. You need a cat door.

What a Super Grover move.

🙏

its why i dress like batman

lets keep "bouche audie and shyla oh my!" away from this one..

Yeah but imagine how many doggy funeral she must have handle, that's too much for me

“…but sometimes, to be nice to someone, it means you have to be honest with them, even if it hurts their feelings” Terry Cruz as Terry Jeffords in Brooklyn Nine-Nine

At the very best they will allow me to work from home

Kind of a weird flex, but ok... :))

Anoia. If you know, you know.

Mine just trips over the cat, lands on the potato musher face-first, and promptly gets knocked out by the cactus that resides just above the aforementioned utensil.

Hahaha, I laughed way too hard at this!!

Any knife in my kitchen won't even cut the cheese!

That actually happened to my family many years ago! Guy stalking my underage sister came into the house one night, and started rummaging through the kitchen drawers for a knife. (It was his M.O.). He was struggling to pull open the drawer with the knives as it was jammed up by a spatula, when I (16) came around the corner with a deer rifle. He ran, and never bothered us again. I actually got scolded by the sheriff for not shooting him! If he'd have gotten a knife, he had been in a mental institution several times for raping young girls at knife point, and when they interrogated him after his arrest, he confessed his plan was to kill me and my stepdad and rape my mom, my 15yo and 5yo sisters. He got 6 months in the institution again. But he did leave us alone after that.

This is a situation that would never occur. It’s the spatula that blocks the draw.

... everything masher...

I hope this strategy is good for nuclear holocausts too.

Idho be like

I laughed so hard. This is soo my drawer of kitchen tools!

We get told it all the time. We just don't listen.

I snarfed all over my screen on this. Iced tea right out the nose. I guess it's amusing because I'm ex-LEO. I remember back in the late 70's somebody looked at me and said "FUZZ" I rubbed my chin and said "No, clean shaven".

I think the answer is no because they usually require the root of the hair to do a DNA test, and I don't think Locks of Love is ripping peoples hair out at the root. Could be wrong. I'm sure there's some stuff you can get from just a hair. You can tell if it's human or not, or been color treated.

I've been choosing the wrong one all along!

And then the kid said: We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.

Sounds like someone has their priorities right.

Neither of them are correct. It should be either, "Personally, I find bad English such a turn off." or, "Bad English is such a turn off for me". "Personally, bad English is such a turn off." is as wrong as her version.

Cats can convert any blanket into a weighted one, and there are dozens of kitty colours and patterns!

Bleeding hells yes. I used to think I was fat at 60kg. That was 20kg and 25 years ago.

I have dnd, except family, after dinner.

Contemporary art

Right on the money

I'm here for this type of parenting 🤣

Worse, it's much worse

I can do maths sometimes. I am a woman. That's enough reason

I was born with a certain amount of patience and it's now running out.