That is epic!

I have a new career aspiration.

My little nephew ordered me to play football with him. Then he put me in the penalty box for unknown reasons.

I want a crow friend!

If the garbage men go on strike, you realise how important they are.

Too late, the whole world is making fun of it already

Future partners be warned, I aspire to be this reviewer

Tyler has no idea.

Cats are great snobs too.

HR: we are short staffed right now can you have an emergency later

The chicks are going back to their homeworld.

Mine too, Randy... Mine too.....

I swear there are levels of being unlucky. I get the symptoms that run for 2 weeks before the show actually starts

Nope, wrong address. Send him to Hell where he belongs.

A tad stereotypical, perhaps… but in the end, who wouldn’t want to be associated with naan? It’s pretty good!

A variation of “I told you so”.

Poor kitty. You need a cat door.

What a Super Grover move.

🙏

its why i dress like batman

lets keep "bouche audie and shyla oh my!" away from this one..

Yeah but imagine how many doggy funeral she must have handle, that's too much for me

“…but sometimes, to be nice to someone, it means you have to be honest with them, even if it hurts their feelings” Terry Cruz as Terry Jeffords in Brooklyn Nine-Nine

At the very best they will allow me to work from home

Kind of a weird flex, but ok... :))

We get told it all the time. We just don't listen.

I snarfed all over my screen on this. Iced tea right out the nose. I guess it's amusing because I'm ex-LEO. I remember back in the late 70's somebody looked at me and said "FUZZ" I rubbed my chin and said "No, clean shaven".

I think the answer is no because they usually require the root of the hair to do a DNA test, and I don't think Locks of Love is ripping peoples hair out at the root. Could be wrong. I'm sure there's some stuff you can get from just a hair. You can tell if it's human or not, or been color treated.

I've been choosing the wrong one all along!

And then the kid said: We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.

Sounds like someone has their priorities right.

Neither of them are correct. It should be either, "Personally, I find bad English such a turn off." or, "Bad English is such a turn off for me". "Personally, bad English is such a turn off." is as wrong as her version.

Cats can convert any blanket into a weighted one, and there are dozens of kitty colours and patterns!

Bleeding hells yes. I used to think I was fat at 60kg. That was 20kg and 25 years ago.

I have dnd, except family, after dinner.

Contemporary art

Right on the money

I'm here for this type of parenting 🤣

Worse, it's much worse

I can do maths sometimes. I am a woman. That's enough reason

I was born with a certain amount of patience and it's now running out.

You can recreate that feeling as an adult by changing the bed sheets, taking a shower on a hot day and immediately get in the sheets! Best feeling ever!

To all Americans, please don't bank at Wells Fargo. They will find a way to rob you blind.

Hola.

What do you mean "no"? ;)

"Yes, let's perform a hysterectomy on her. That would solve the problem"

Seems a fair way of getting back what the shop is owed.

Man, do we have to let the pervs pervert everything? "Daddy" is primarily a simple word for a caring parent, not a role-playing term for a balding man with a young wife.

I saw a crested t*t today…