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From the moment you come into this world, there is this thing that happens around you that can sometimes be delightful but at times drives you crazy or leaves you completely baffled. You know, life. And if you find yourself in the middle of an experience that leaves you with more questions than answers, it’s absolutely okay to ask for advice.

Did you know that giving good advice is actually as much of an art (or science) as any other job? It’s not only about knowing things but also being able to find the right words of advice. But on the other hand, even after you have received the best piece of advice possible, it doesn’t automatically imply you are obliged to follow it. 

It doesn’t matter how experienced the person giving advice is or how well they know you; if whatever they say you should do doesn’t sit right with you, you probably should follow your gut. And don’t even get me started on people who think they are authorized to share their life wisdom with you “just because,” even though the words “I need advice” have never left your lips.

Advice doesn’t always have to be serious or life-changing. Sometimes funny life advice about random situations is the best thing you need. There are a lot of unexpected things in life, and advice that not only makes you chuckle, but all of a sudden comes in handy is surely useful. 

For this article, we have collected a bunch of funny quotes about life and pieces of advice for all sorts of situations. Which one do you find the most useful? If you have any funny words of wisdom to add to this collection, share them with us in the comments. 

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#1

Advice on carry a fork with you Carry a fork with you. If someone tries to rob you, pull it out of your pocket and say, ‘thank you Lord for this meal I’m about to have’ and charge at them with the fork.

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#2

If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for one day. If you feed him to the fishes then he’ll never be hungry again.

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#3

Trust dogs. They always know who to stay away from.

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How Do You Advise Someone About Life? 

Giving advice about life, be it a serious one or maybe sharing a couple of funny sayings about life, is no easy task! In fact, sharing advice is as much of a science as it is subjective and elusive since everyone’s experiences, understandings, and goals differ greatly. 

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Here’s what you should do before giving your advice in the first place – figure out whether the person you’re giving it to needs a real solution to their problem or merely something to take their mind off of the things they're experiencing. If it’s the latter, just pick one of these funny life quotes from our list, and if it’s a serious scenario, we have some general principles of giving life advice prepared for you: 

Listen Attentively. Before you give your advice, listen carefully to what the person you’re about to give it to is saying. Understanding their perspective is crucial for good advice!

Show Empathy. Let them know that you care about their problems and appreciate their feelings, and it might help just as much as the advice itself. 

No Judging. We’ve all been in all kinds of dubious situations and know that judging doesn’t help, right? Focus on understanding instead. 

It’s All About Perspective. Do you know what the best part of talking to someone is? You’re right; it’s a different perspective to look at things. Share your own experiences if you feel it’s fitting. 

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Solution Time. Offering solutions to problems is probably the best thing you could do for someone in need. Even if a solution is a bunch of funny life advice quotes shared around to soften the hard blows of life!

All in all, advising someone about life is a very personal and subjective thing. While we can give you some pointers, it’s up to you, the situation and the person you’re talking with that defines the best way to approach the situation at hand. However, funny advice or serious advice, know that if someone is coming up to you for it, it means they trust and cherish you!
#4

If you hear weird noises in the night, simply make weirder noises to assert dominance.

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't wake up when there's a noise. I had a lot of gerbils and degus for many years and I would always think that every noise would come from my pets! Especially degus really can make a lot of very different noises, you'd be impressed (and hardly wake up!).

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#5

Advice about dont' use toilet in your dreams If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I only always find very very dirty bathrooms in my dreams and I'm grateful for my self-respect to never use such. Before going to Heavy Metal Open Air Festivals I only found crowded bathrooms in dreams. Now THAT wouldn't work anymore 🙈

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#6

Don't yell at your kids, lean in close and whisper, it's much scarier.

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Whitefox
Whitefox
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can confirm. I used to know some people who yelled a lot and made empty threats. One of their crotch goblins was dancing a jig on my very last nerve. He dang near peed himself when I took him out back got down at his level and whispered that if he did not stop pestering me, I'd put him straight to bed with no dinner or dessert. He was a perfect angle all night after that and rarely ever gave me trouble again.

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What is the Best Advice Ever Given?

It’s safe to say that a lot of us have received a piece of advice that not only changed the way we see things but also stuck with us for quite some time. While naming the ultimate best life advice ever given is a tricky task, here are some serious, empowering, and even funny life advice pieces that made it into our top list: 

  • Your life is your responsibility;
  • The way someone treats you is a reflection they feel about themselves;
  • Life is all about managing expectations — most of it your own;
  • When you know better, do better;
  • Your word is your bond;
  • Just keep going. No matter what;
  • Don’t dwell on the idea that thighs could’ve been any other way;
  • Do what you’re afraid to do;
  • Listen more than you speak;
  • Always be kind. 

As it happens, these excellent words of wisdom which we think you’d agree, are also some of the most often ignored pieces of advice ever! And if you think that this list should be expanded with anything else, be it funny sayings about life or serious pieces of advice, be sure to share it in the comments section!

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#7

If you attempt to rob a bank, you will have no trouble with rent or bills for the next ten years, whether you are successful or not.

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Headless Roach
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is it that if you rob a bank you have a problem, but when the bank robs you they don't?

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#8

If you don’t know where your kids are in the house, turn off the internet and watch them magically appear.

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#9

Advice on sweating Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oops, I guess I misunderstood. But I didn't mean to be naughty, sorry!

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What are Some Short Life Quotes You Could Use as Advice?

Advice can come in many forms – a shared experience, a kind word, a solution to a problem, or even a short saying about life. Picking a quote about life might often be an excellent choice! A quote is often both wise and leaves enough room to interpret and make it your own. So, if you were looking for empowering, thoughtful, or maybe even funny quotes about life, here are some of our favorites: 

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  • “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” — Dalai Lama; 
  • “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon;
  • “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West;
  • "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." — Babe Ruth
  • "Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.” — Seneca

If none of these quotes speak to you, you can always continue reading our list where, hopefully, you’ll find the funny life advice you’ve been looking for all along!

#10

If your kids suddenly start getting along and are nice to each other for no reason, be very suspicious.

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Jordi Sharpe
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first of many Oaths of Secrecy to cover their asses. You'll hear all about them when they're in their 30s.

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#11

No matter how nice the hand soap smells, don’t leave the restroom smelling your fingers.

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Jo Smith
Jo Smith
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my god I do this all the time when the soap smells nice. I never even gave it a second thought!!! 😳

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#12

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.

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crow_commits_murder
crow_commits_murder
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!” - Cave Johnson

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#13

Advice about future and bad decisions If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?

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#14

Eat whatever you want, and if someone calls you fat, eat them too.

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Deborah Harris2
Deborah Harris2
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got a 24 hour ban for making this joke ..... and now you print it!!!! Oh the freaking irony ....

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#15

If you are not happy where you are, move. You are not a tree.

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#16

Drinking can cause memory loss, or even worse, memory loss.

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Headless Roach
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alcohol does not give you answers, but it certainly helps forget the question.

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#17

Advice about mans Ladies, if a man says he'll fix something, he will. There's no point in telling him about it every six months.

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#18

If you swim with a friend, your chances of getting eaten by a shark will drop by 50%.

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Headless Roach
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the friend is like.. "what am I doing here? why are my hands tied?"

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#19

If you can’t blind them with brilliance, baffle them with nonsense.

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#20

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

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#21

Advice about marriage Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won't eat all of yours.

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#22

Don't give up your dreams, keep on sleeping.

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#23

Be a Caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.

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EvilNob
EvilNob
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You forgot the step where we should make ourselves into a blanket burrito and be a mess.

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#24

Don't let go of your wife's hand at the mall, because she will start shopping. It might look romantic, but it's actually economic.

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#25

Advice on sleep on the job If you ever get caught sleeping on the job, slowly raise the head and say in Jesus name, Amen.

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#26

In case of fire, exit the building before tweeting about it.

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#27

If you break your bone in two places, don’t go to those places again.

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#28

Eggs are good for your health. But sometimes we get fed up with them. Add some butter, chocolate, sugar, flour, and then bake. Now it’s not so boring to eat them every day.

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#29

Advice on fart in public When you fart in public, yell "Jet power!" and walk faster.

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Darling
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you ever fall down in public, just get up, laugh it off, and say “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve inhabited a body,” and refuse to elaborate.

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#30

If you wait until the last minute to do it, it only takes a minute to do.

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#31

Never use your favorite song as an alarm. You'll start to hate it.

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#32

Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger.

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TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course it doesn't, NOW IF YOU USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS ON THE OTHERHAND....

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#33

Advice about making snow angels in a dog park Don't make snow angels in a dog park.

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like someone enjoys downvoting my comments. Which honestly aren't nasty or meant to be rude. I'm only here to enjoy the website with fellow Pandas.

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#34

Do not think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a majestic baboon.

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#35

For $1, you can buy a candy bar from a vending machine. For $2, you can buy a brick, and get all the candy in the vending machine.

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Nikki Sevven
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just go outside and pick up a rock. It's free and your'e recycling.

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#36

The best defense against somebody videotaping you is to blast a song by an artist that is serious about copyright infringement.

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#37

Advice on sadness Don't be sad, because sad backward is das and das not good.

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#38

Put a teabag in your whiskey, so you can day drink without being judged.

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#39

My father once told me, "Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it's something your father told you."

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EvilNob
EvilNob
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My father told me to not listen to strange people from the internet.

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#40

Pro parenting tip: only have spaghetti on bath nights.

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#41

Advice about walking on ice with hands in pockets Never walk on the ice with your hands in your pockets.

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#42

The first time your toddler sneezes in your face, even if it is super funny when it happens, do not laugh. You will be sentencing yourself to years of purposeful in-your-face sneezes.

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#43

If your dog blinks at you blink back. It could be a code.

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TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dunno about dogs, but that actually how you conquer a cat ( no Im not jocking, you slow Blink to a cat untill the cat slow Blink a at you, at that moment it just told you it trusts you and doesn't see you as a threat)

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#44

Don’t be ashamed of yourself — that’s a job for your parents.

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#45

Advice about licking bowl Don't lick the bowl, flush it like a normal person.

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#46

Listen to really bad music when going through something terrible in your life. If you listen to music you love, it will become a constant reminder of bad times.

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The_Tired_Artist
The_Tired_Artist
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

*Listens to Justin Bieber cause his music is weird* his fans: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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#47

If you’re in 12th grade, do not join senior dating sites.

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#48

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ if they would, I do not do that thing.

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#49

Advice about annoy someone at work When you want to annoy someone at work, use air quotes when addressing their work title.

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#50

Oil floats on water, so cover yourself in oil, wait for it to rain, and fly.

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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Netherite floats on lava, "Cover me in debris", wait for it to lava, die.

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#51

If you’re being chased, give the person who’s chasing you a pair of scissors because you can’t run with scissors.

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#52

If you can't wish for more wishes, then wish for more genies.

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enigma
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

no,wish for Maxwell's notebook from scribllenauts.Then,you can draw more genies

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#53

Never test the depth of a river with both feet.

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#54

The early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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#55

Never joke with a kleptomaniac, they will take it, literally.

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#56

When your kids start crying, start bawling bigger and better. Soon, they will stop crying & turn their concerns to your welfare.

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#57

No flashlight on your phone? Take a photo of the sun, and use it in the dark.

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#58

If she asks for four chicken nuggets, buy ten. This is how you get and keep a girlfriend.

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*Displayname*=idk
*Displayname*=idk
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a girl I can confirm. Or at least that is how you keep me.

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#59

If you can’t afford virtual reality headsets, you can close your eyes and imagine everything you want.

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#60

If you don't want someone to ask you to do something again, do it terribly the first time.

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#61

Treat every problem as your dog would. If you can't eat it, walk away.

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#62

It’s the thought that counts... so don’t buy birthday presents, just think about buying them.

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or Christmas presents. Many people are unhappy even though you think you found such a great gift ... So this year instead of gifts everyone will get my opinion! Get excited!

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#63

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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#64

Take your kids to a pumpkin patch and let them pick out any pumpkin. Then, make them carry it to the car. They’ll never want to go back there again.

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Natasha
Natasha
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn’t work. My parents made me do it, and I made them go back every year

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#65

Don't worry if a person hasn't texted you back. Most people only check their phone every three seconds.

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#66

Never break two laws at the same time because that’s how you get caught.

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Auntriarch
Auntriarch
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't drive over the speed limit when there's a warrant out for your arrest

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#67

Just because waffles are pancakes with abs doesn't mean eating them gives you abs.

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#68

Is your sink full of dirty utensils? Put some clean dishes in the draining rack! Now it looks like you’re working on it.

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#69

If you're late, just say, "Sorry I'm late, I was at home sitting down."

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's funny and I will definitely use this excuse!

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#70

There will come a day when you get pooped on. Just know that it is going to happen and there’s nothing you can do about it.

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#71

Count your eggs before they hatch. That way you’ll know if someone steals one of them.

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#72

If you ever want to know the time but don't have a watch, use your phone as a sun dial. Always works.

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#73

Don't make decisions without eating first.

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Lizzy Abbey (she/they)
Lizzy Abbey (she/they)
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

is my food poisoned? it smells poisoned, Y'know i won't know until i've URK *dies*

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#74

When in doubt, always ask your mother.

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#75

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

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#76

Don’t follow what you think is the right way; make your way to what you think is happiness.

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Triv
Triv
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The last person I knew who tried that ended up in prison for 10 and 1/2 years.

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#77

If you rarely drive on snow, just pretend you're taking your grandma to church. There's a platter of biscuits and 2 gallons of sweet tea in glass jars in the back seat. She's wearing a new dress and holding a crock pot full of gravy.

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AVGucky
AVGucky
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be afraid to drive around the corner very slowly without having a mess inside the car!

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#78

If you're drinking to forget, pay in advance.

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#79

Don't squat with your spurs on.

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#80

If any person tries to hurt you, tell them I have a gun, a shovel, and an alibi.

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#81

Fed up with boiling water each evening? Heat 340 fl oz (10 liters), and freeze for future use.

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#82

No ice for drinks? Use frozen vegetables.

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#83

Only boring people say they’re bored.

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#84

If you leave your wipers up, an officer won’t be able to leave a fine. Your money will be saved.

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TheAquarius1978
TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't worry, you'l get it by mail.... I know i did, many, many of them.....

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#85

It’s very expensive to eat 3 times a day. Wake up later, miss breakfast, and save money.

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#86

If you stare at something you dropped on the ground, eventually someone will pick it up for you.

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#87

Fill your heart with bees, then if someone breaks your heart, they’ll have to deal with the bees.

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SCP 504
SCP 504
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then I’m a couple weeks late for the bees… can I have some more for next time?

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#88

If you do something bad, make sure there’s someone else around to blame.

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Ayva Roy
Ayva Roy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, take your therapist with you so (s)he can say it isnt your fault cuz youre a psychopath.

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#89

Don't open the window when in a submarine.

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#90

Buy a stethoscope, so you can listen to your heart.

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#91

Having a bad day? No worries! Wear sunglasses. Now you’re having a bad evening.

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#92

Never trust someone who puts in the milk, then the cereal.

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#93

If the monster comes out of the closet tonight, say hi for me then go back to sleep.

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#94

Never do a whole job when a half job will do.

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#95

Treat your father-in-law like your own dad. You’ll miss him when he’s gone.

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#96

Blame the cat.

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Alexandria Z
Alexandria Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if something huge. They bring in friends to help and you know it.

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#97

The one who cries the hardest wins the argument.

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#98

Remember your name, you’ll need it.

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#99

A frisbee is NOT a boomerang.

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Russ Kincade
Russ Kincade
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you throw it at a 45 degree angle it will come back to you.

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#100

Don’t talk to anybody on the train, except for your mom. Well, maybe it would be best to ignore her too.

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#101

Healthy people ask for what they need and want.

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#102

Mount from both sides so the horse becomes used to change.

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Michael Largey
Michael Largey
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The experience you give him is nothing compared to the experience he'll give you.

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#103

Keep your toes on your feet.

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#104

If you cut the tennis balls in half, you can fit 6 in a container.

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AJay
AJay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did this on a dare once. Fun fact: a good, sharp knife is easier to use on them than scissors.

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#105

When wearing boots, always wear different color socks. When your boots come off, it will be funny and you'll always have something to talk about.

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#106

If you are trying to get lucky, keep changing chairs. There's bound to be chewing gum under one of them.

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#107

Never date a person who pays their rent in one’s.

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Nikki Sevven
Nikki Sevven
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never date a person who uses apostrophe+s to pluralize a noun.

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#108

Don’t buy a bikini. Instead, get a size XXXL men’s shirt. That way, people won’t notice you.

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Isabel Care
Isabel Care
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would I want a tiny shirt? I can buy a huge bikini and wear it over my thermal underwear as usual.

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#109

If you sleep until lunchtime, you can save your breakfast money.

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#110

There is never enough time in the morning. Try to combine brushing your teeth with your breakfast.

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#111

No hair? Draw it! Or get a tattoo.

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#112

Avoid travel teams unless your child is a once-in-a-generation talent… and your child is not a once-in-a-generation talent.

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Xenia Harley
Xenia Harley
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Travel teams travel all over a region to play sports like soccer, football, etc. in the US. You have to Tavel all over for games as the parent of the child!

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#113

A 3-colored manicure isn’t so difficult if you have toothpaste.

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#114

If your tires are too old, refresh them with a marker.

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#115

If you’re too lazy to wash your cup, use a pepper.

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Jessica Ehle
Jessica Ehle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Probably better to use a bell pepper and not one of the spicy kind

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