But what if you're vegan💀

Omg this is actually really good advice

“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day”

Similar to how I heard it. "Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poison fish, he'll eat for a lifetime".

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Before was was was, was was is !

How tf does he get food to feed the fishes if he has none

"And that man turned out to be...Luca Brasi...and now you know the rest of the story. I'm Paul Harvey...good day!"

If you teach a man to fish, he'll keep bait in the refrigerator.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm all night. Light him on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life

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It's exactly the opposit !

And you're helping local wildlife, how helpful are we?!

Well that went dark real quick💀

Jonah be like

Did a mobster write this?

Okay the first sentence is not how the saying goes. It could be the same, but the first sentence should say, "If you teach a man to fish you'll feed him for all his days," or something like that. It's "If you give a man a fish you feed him for a day. But teach him to fish and you'll feed him for all his days." But okay, correctly, if you feed him to the fish, he won't even want food anymore.

GENIUS

except in heaven

Sorry Im a cat person.

I don't wake up when there's a noise. I had a lot of gerbils and degus for many years and I would always think that every noise would come from my pets! Especially degus really can make a lot of very different noises, you'd be impressed (and hardly wake up!).

I only always find very very dirty bathrooms in my dreams and I'm grateful for my self-respect to never use such. Before going to Heavy Metal Open Air Festivals I only found crowded bathrooms in dreams. Now THAT wouldn't work anymore 🙈

I can confirm. I used to know some people who yelled a lot and made empty threats. One of their crotch goblins was dancing a jig on my very last nerve. He dang near peed himself when I took him out back got down at his level and whispered that if he did not stop pestering me, I'd put him straight to bed with no dinner or dessert. He was a perfect angle all night after that and rarely ever gave me trouble again.

How is it that if you rob a bank you have a problem, but when the bank robs you they don't?

Or just open a bag of chips.

Oops, I guess I misunderstood. But I didn't mean to be naughty, sorry!

The first of many Oaths of Secrecy to cover their asses. You'll hear all about them when they're in their 30s.

Oh my god I do this all the time when the soap smells nice. I never even gave it a second thought!!! 😳

“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!” - Cave Johnson

thats a good point.

I got a 24 hour ban for making this joke ..... and now you print it!!!! Oh the freaking irony ....

but what if you're groot?

Alcohol does not give you answers, but it certainly helps forget the question.

I'll get to it... eventually.

And the friend is like.. "what am I doing here? why are my hands tied?"

I see you Mr. Trump...

i dont exactly get this one.

Joke's on you lol, if its cereal i will eat anything.

*engineer has fallen asleep.*

You forgot the step where we should make ourselves into a blanket burrito and be a mess.

Win-win situation... and they will never know🤭

this might actually work

true

ahhh advice.

YES.

And if you ever fall down in public, just get up, laugh it off, and say “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve inhabited a body,” and refuse to elaborate.

hmmmm I'll try t.........

This is actually true :(

Of course it doesn't, NOW IF YOU USE ALL CAPITAL LETTERS ON THE OTHERHAND....

Looks like someone enjoys downvoting my comments. Which honestly aren't nasty or meant to be rude. I'm only here to enjoy the website with fellow Pandas.

I stay home to be ugly in peace

Just go outside and pick up a rock. It's free and your'e recycling.

Supposedly Disney songs are great for this

Wrong. Das ist gut, c'est fantastique,

*replacing 'grape juice' with 'tea'*

My father told me to not listen to strange people from the internet.

I could have used that advice 30 some years ago 😆

yep. learned the hard way