If you do racist things to accommodate a racist, you are also a racist.

ESH. The parents, being racist, obviously suck. The OP, having made a terrible decision that will probably harm this child for life, sucks. The father, who TOLD the child that her stepmother did not want her in the picture because the child is black, sucks. This last one really bothers me as well because the OP says that the child did not notice at first why she was excluded and was made to eventually feel included, but the father made SURE she knew, just to get back at the OP. He's using the poor girl as a p awn (not sure why that word gets bleeped out if I type it all in one go) in his own anger - and however justified his feelings are, that's just wrong. That whole family needs to sit down, admit their wrongdoings, and do MUCH better in the future by that little girl.

I think she was trying to come from a good place but I think lost perspective on this. She allowed her behavior to be dictated by people that, by her own admission, she isn't close with and whose values she didn't share. And what she inadvertently traded was protecting her step daughter. Conflict isn't always to be avoided. I think she could make this right by deleting the ones without the step-daughter, apologizing, sending the whole family photo, and being prepared to cut ties with the racist parents. She needs to show the step-daughter she has her back and will burn anyone down that comes after her on the basis of color.

To be honest, I wouldn't even bother sending them a card. Children pick up when they're not as accepted as their brothers and sisters (speaking from experience), and so to even consider excluding her from a 'family' photo would really hurt her for many years to come. If you love a child and you're not racist, why would you even consider excluding her?

Man. That's bad. F*ck a racist. Can you imagine hurting this poor baby girls feelings because you want to protect the scummy racist? OP is just as bad. My kids didn't even know what the N-word was until they went to daycare. That lasted about three weeks.

So basically she is asking if it's okay to be racist? For real?

Stop catering to and yielding to racists. Let them be mad and uncomfortable. You sent a message to your stepdaughter and it's not a good one. Grow a backbone, ma'am!

Wow, if you actually have to ask....you have some serious issues....

oh so YTA! my son married a wonderful woman who happens to be black and, therefore, my grandson is biracial. when my now-ex in laws first found out about their marriage they hinted at trying to find out if i was upset about this. absolutely not! they never said anything directly but i know that they may have wondered about my not caring. we do not have any issues with race in my family but i do know that when i married into the family it was surprising to them to find out that 1. i had been married before; 2. i had a child; 3. i was not of the same nationality as them; and 4. i was jewish. but, i was white in their eyes. they always treated me well throughout the long marriage. but, if anyone would ever treat them badly based on race or even suggest negative attitudes they would quickly get an ear full. whenever i introduce her to people i always refer to her as my daughter and i do get double takes because she is not an in-law - she's my daughter and always will be.

‘I don’t want to expose her to my parents racism’ and yet here we are with her being exposed to racism, she’s done exactly the OPPOSITE of what she said. If at any point you decide to change the course of someone else’s life based upon their race then take a look in the mirror, you are looking at a racist. It doesn’t matter if it’s giving them a chocolate bar that’s a shave cheaper than their peers chocolate bar or dragging them behind a car with a chain, it’s racism.

It's also the emphasizing "bio kids". She really went out of her to make sure people know she is not this girls mother in anyway. What a horrible human being.

“Silence in the face of evil is evil”

You are the asshole, family or not, don't accept my kid?.. kick f*****g rocks, loser. My kids will come before anyone else, mother, father, grandparents, they could all f**k off before I'd treat my kid that way.

YTA: "I'm not racist, but I'm going to treat you like you don't exist because of your race", ugh

My best friends grandson is a stepson to his Mom's husband. He is excluded from family pictures and it's really painful for him. He's not a different race but he still doesn't feel like a part of his mother's family. It's an overall feeling of exclusion in her life. I bet this stepdaughter is feeling the same. You know it probably goes beyond the pictures. This woman is definitely the AH! The fact that she really thought she was in the right is disturbing.

She's blaming everything on her parents (they're racist, they will make a fuss), but really, she's not any better than them. She claims to love girl as her own kids, but hiding her like some dirty secret "because parents will make a fuss". If she truly did not make differences between Enephrine and her bio kids, she wouldn't exclude her from photos, racist parents be damned.

If you think you might be doing something racist... just stop, because it probably is. If you are doing something to someone based solely on the color of their skin, (and it's not a medical reason) that's Racism. Why is that soooo confusing to these people?

What a terrible thing to find out after 3 kids with a person.

Both are. The same way. One excluded "beloved" stepdaughter from family picture "to protect", and the other tells her "Mama doesn't love you" and continued to live with said "mama". That's like, idk, government telling to minorities "we wan't help you, because bad guys will hurt you then. And we wan't restrict them, so we better restrict you. Out of love and care, of course".

"They would make a fuss about her being black". If you limited contacts with them and Christmas cards is pretty much the only form of communication, why dou you care? They may as well have a full-blown meltdown, how's that your problem?

Yeah, there's a much better word for this woman than asshole. It's around the same hemisphere of the body, starts with a C.

You catered to your family's racism! Shame! YTA

It is always wrong to protect the racist feelings of racists!

yup, you're a c**t! You cared more about the feelings of a couple of racists, then you did about a child! Baby girl should have been front and centre!!!!!!!!!!!

YTA. And, so are your parents. If nobody ever stood up for those without a voice (in this case an 8 yr old child), can you imagine how much worse things would still be here in this country??? You are harming her AND standing by idly, allowing racism to continue; you are teaching your kids a s**t lesson as well... thankfully they have better heads on their shoulders than you it appears. I feel this is ignorance and a case of bullying, cowering, and abuse by your parents additionally; you really should sever ties and go to counseling.

She will Never forget this. And for the Rest of her life she will never understand why she wasn't good enough to be in the family pictures. I speak from experience.

Cutting your parents out of your life is easier said than done.

Unsurprisingly, this isn't rare as I've come across TOO MANY "not-racists" that same me as their "Black Friend". Unlike this woman, I didn't tolerate their intolerance and washed my hands of them no matter how long I've known them.

The first real crime here is naming your kid Ephedrine

You chose a parent with whom you have limited contact over a child that you claim to love as one of your own.

YES-SHE'S THE RACIST ASSHOLE CRAZY TOXIC BITCH FUCKTARD SHITPILE JUST LIKE HER PARENTS!!!

YTA and YTB. You want us to believe that you're only on 'christmas card' terms with your parent yet you go to this extreme? If you were truly on on 'christmas card' terms with your parents you wouldn't give one damned about what they thought of the family you had the good fortune of joining.

Ffs make the poor kid feel like an outsider in her own family. F****n morons. She should be showing the girl that she is very much part of the family the same as her siblings. Screw the racist assholes.

You are an "accomplice" to racism, the same way we have accomplices to a theft. You may not be stealing the goods, but you're driving the get away car. You are helping your parents to be racist. You are teaching your children to jump through hoops to ignore racism. You're teaching your daughter that she does not belong. It says a lot and is a very sad situation. We're watching states like Texas write laws to ignore our history so white folks can feel better about our racist past. Now, we're watching you deny your daughter so your parents can feel better about their racism. See a pattern?

Okay, consider this; what if the author of the post was abused and/or neglected as a child and they are either afraid of or feel like they require attention or validation from their parents (or both)?