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Cars, aren't they the funniest? Just take a look at a Fiat Multipla, for instance, and suddenly, an inanimate object is the culprit of uncontrollable giggles. Suddenly, you're thinking about this inanimate object's goofy personality and imagining it in various life-like situations. One of those is, of course, a car race. Because that's what cars do, right? Now, putting a Multipla in such an environment just gave you another bust of the sniggers, and now you are glad you've opened this article dedicated to racing jokes. Because now you know that they're going to be just the funniest!
So, jokes about car racing wouldn't actually go far without mentioning the drivers, right? Thus, you can definitely expect a mild amount of genteel mockery addressed to those behind the wheel, too. Just a little bit of friendly fun and nothing more. Of course, any race wouldn't really be a spectacle without the spectators, so we'll touch on this subject in our car race jokes, too. Again, just a teensy amount of ha-ha's. And most of the fun will be dedicated to the vehicles themselves here, so a fair amount of these are purely car jokes. And that's not just a smidgen of amusement, but a whole carnival!
Now, we think we've revved your anticipation enough here, and it is probably time to go to the car racing jokes themselves, right? If so, then scroll on down below and check out these hilarious jokes! Be sure to give your vote to the best jokes of the bunch and share this article with your petrol-head friends!
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#1
"I keep trying to watch racing on my computer but every time I press the F1 key it just opens a help window."
RELATED:
#2
"Who won the 1975 F1 World Championship?"
"Lauda."
"WHO WON THE 1975 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP?!"
#7
"My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with Formula 1. And it's lights out and away they go!"
#11
"I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, "what do you do?" I responded, "I race cars." Screeching with excitement, she shot back, "do you win many races!?" I sighed, "no, the cars are much faster...""
#12
"My little cousin was showing off that he sleeps in a race car bed. Jokes on him I sleep in a real car."
#14
Scene: a psychiatrists practice:
"Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonderful thing is out there purring, but I'll never get to enjoy it..."
"Well sir, I think I understand just fine, my brother in law has the exact same problem."
"Is he a mechanic too doc?"
"No, a gynecologist"
#16
What's the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?
For one, you have to use a bicycle. For the other, you can use a race car.
#18
"I tried horse racing once, but I fell at the first fence. I might have done better if I had a horse."
#20
What’s the difference between praying in church and at the track?
At the track you really mean it!
#23
What do parents give their baby if they want them to become a future race car driver?
Formula One.
#25
"My girlfriend bet me I couldn't make a racing car out of spaghetti… You should've seen her face when I drove pasta."
#28
Elon Musk launched the falcon heavy hoping to start a space race...
Of course he wants a space race, he's the only one with a car up there.
#29
"R stands for Racing. That's exactly what I thought before shifting the gear on my car to R at 120 mph."
#30
The quickest way to become a millionaire is to become a professional race car driver...
You just need to start off as a billionaire.
#34
If Robert Pressley, John Andretti and Geoff Bodine were in a boat and the Boat Sinks, Who Would be saved?
Half the cars in Sundays Race.
#36
"My sweetheart is always taking health food crazes too far. Now, it’s even affecting my driving. She took the carb-orator off my car!"
#38
A Mechanic is standing outside the garage as Roger Penske is coming in to check out the new Taurus, and can't help but notice that Mr. Penske has a Dog under each arm.
The Mechanic waves and says, "Welcome back, Roger, Nice dogs, sir."
Penske smiles and says, "These aren't dogs. These are genuine Labrador Retrievers. I got this one for Rusty, and I got this one for Jeremy."
The mechanic says, "Good trade, sir."
#39
Al Unser Jr calls the police, and says, "They stole my dashboard, they stole my steering wheel, they stole my brake pedal, Hell, they even stole my gas pedal..."
Then, before the cops can ask where he is, he says, "Hey, never mind, I'm in the back seat."
#40
A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa.
After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: “Man, you’re a cheetah.”
And the cheetah says: “Naw man, you’re lion”.
#42
"I took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make it go any faster. It just made it more sluggish."
#43
Three racing drivers driving from Boston to Disneyland.
After three days they arrived at their destination and turned around and went home after they saw the sign saying: “Disneyland left.”
#47
What do you call it when two photographic journalists from Helsinki are racing to get a picture of the next top news story?
A photo Finnish.
#55
Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?
Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup!
#57
"I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it... They’re too fast. I’d never win."
#58
Why could the pony proceed at a great speed?
Because the pony had a powerful horsepower engine.
#63
"My friend had to choose his favourite Brazilian racing driver. He couldn't Piquet driver."
#64
Why couldn't Matthew McConaughey make it as a NASCAR driver?
Because he always went alright, alright, alright.
#65
"How can you watch NASCAR when they only make left turns all the time?"
"If they went straight they'd never come back!"
#71
A cop was waiting in a speed trap on the interstate when a guy in a sport car came racing by him at over a 100 mph. The cop immediately pulls out behind the speedster and turns on his lights. The guy pulls over and the cop walks over to the window.
The cop looks at the guy smiling and says, "I've been waiting for someone like you all day."
The guy responds, "well, I came as fast as I could."
#73
Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?
They're trained to look for red flags.
#74
"I just removed a wig, some lipstick and two chicken fillets off my racecar... You could say I significantly reduced the drag."
#75
Boy: "what's a palindrome?"
Teacher: "racecar"
(10 years later)
Boy, now a man, bursting out of bank in ski mask: "where's the palindrome?"
Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]
#78
How can you tell when a NASCAR fan is watching a Formula One race?
When he taps you on the shoulder and asks "Are we watching qualifying?"
#79
What do you call Michael Waltrip racing with his car tied to the back of Jeff Gordon's?
A true restrictor plate.
#80
A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr is doing.
The bartender says, "Earnhardts is in 25th."
The dog jumps up, and runs around the barstool 25 times.
A couple of laps later, the bartender says, "Earnhardt Jr is up to 10th."
The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 10 times.
A few laps later, the bartender says, "Earnhardt Jr is up to 3rd", after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 3 times.
The bartender says, "WOW! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if Earnhardt Jr wins?"
"I don't know", says the man, "I've only had him for 2 years!"
#83
"My favorite gambling event is horse racing, but I’m bad at it. No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster."
#88
Chuck Norris and Time raced twenty years ago.
The result is inconclusive because Time is still running till today.
#90
"I bought a horse. In its first race it went out 25 to 1. The only problem is that all the other horses left at 12:30."
#91
A jockey is talking to the trainer ahead of the race.
“You got to ride him to win,” the trainer says, “because I’ve got a monkey on this horse, and so has my wife.”
“Will there be any room for me?,” the jockey asks.
#92
Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?
He was caught taking asteroids.
#93
“Mum, I just won this phone in a race!”
“Who was in the race?”
“The owner of the phone and the police. I think they’re at the door to congratulate me.”
#94
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.
The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”
“I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”
#95
Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday?
One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.
#97
The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse’s mouth just as a steward walked by.
“What was that?” inquired the steward.
“Oh nothing,” said the trainer, “just a polo”.
He offered one to the steward and had one himself.
After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions, “Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me.”
#100
"I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him."
#101
You know why barrel racers need to be cremated?
Because if you bury them they’ll complain about the dirt.
#102
"Why are people in Finland so important to motor racing? I just don't understand why they wave the Finnish flag at the end of the Grand Prix."
#105
"I watched a documentary about car racing, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought. Too many spoilers."
#107
Dad pulls up to a red light, car next to him revs the engine and yells, "race?"
Dad responds, "Hispanic!"
#108
"When I was young I asked my dad why cops don't just use race cars to catch people because they are so fast. His response was, "Because they only make left turns""
#113
Did you hear about the gardener who got lost during a race?
Apparently, she took the wrong route.
#114
The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advanced car.
With his team's support, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.
"There's the problem," says the engineer. "Too much drag."
#115
"I recently bought a second hand car. It only had one previous owner, a little old lady, who only used it once a week, on a Sunday. When she took it drag racing."
#118
Have you Heard? Bobby Labonte is in the Hospital!
Apparently he hasn't passed anything for almost 2 years!
#119
Have you heard?
Jeff Burton went to work for the telephone company so he could finally get on pole.
#120
Did you hear about the racing driver who wore a glove on one hand?
The forecaster said: “Tomorrow may be hot, but on the other hand, it could be cold.”
#126
"If you could get rid of any race, which would you choose? I’d pick the 400 meters, it’s too long for a sprint and it’s too short to be a true endurance race."
#128
Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.
The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.
The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.
“Is this horse unsound?” they asked.
“Not a bit,” said the owner.
“In that case,” asked the stewards, “why have you never raced him before?” “Mister,” said the man from Idaho, “we couldn’t even catch the critter until he was five years old.”
#130
It would have been a photo finish, but by the time my horse finished, it was too dark to take a picture.
#133
Shopping at Costco or Sam's club is like driving a race car.
You go from $0 to $60 in a matter of seconds.
#137
AMD and Nvidia should get into the race car business.
Well, I mean they already have the drivers.
#138
One marathon runner started getting annoyed because before each race his pal would play a prank on him.
It was a running joke.
#139
What is the worst thing about 5 Jeff Gordon Fans going over a cliff in a Monte Carlo?
A Monte Carlo Seats 6.
#140
Did you hear about the happy-go-lucky fish who ran a marathon?
It just did it for the halibut.
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