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Woman Won’t Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom
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Woman Won’t Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom

Interview With Expert Woman Won't Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom Father Refuses To Be A Stay-At-Home Dad And Begins Pressing His Lawyer Wife To SwitchFather Backs Out From Being A Stay-At-Home Dad And Starts Pushing His Lawyer Wife To Swap Couple’s Baby Care Arrangement Takes A Surprising Turn When Husband Won't Be A Stay-At-Home DadHusband Refuses To Be A Stay-At-Home Dad, Baby’s Care Arrangement Causes FightHusband Promised To Be A Stay-At-Home Dad, Now Calls Wife A Bad Mom For Refusing To Quit Her JobWoman Won't Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom Woman Won't Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom Woman Won't Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom Woman Won't Quit Her Job After Husband Promised To Be A Stay-At Home Dad, Gets Called A Bad Mom
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It sounds bad, but many people still hold onto outdated assumptions that say males should only be responsible for providing for their families while women should stay at home with their infants and take care of them. While that used to be the case before, everything has changed and now women can provide for their families while men can be great stay-at-home dads.

In fact, this Reddit couple decided that this model would work the best for them. However, 2 months later, the man’s opinion shifted and he decided that maybe he wants to be the one who provides for the family after all.

More info: Reddit

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Some women prefer to be stay-at-home-moms, while others like their jobs and can’t wait to be back after maternity leave

Image credits: Arina Krasnikova (not the actual photo) 

Woman shares that she earns more money than her husband, thus when she got pregnant, they decided that her husband would be staying with their baby at home

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Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

However, 2 months later, her husband changed his mind and started saying that she should quit her job and he could provide for them, with which the woman didn’t agree 

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Image credits: u/Pretty_Cycle_3807

She noted that since then, they have been fighting about it, she was called a bad mom but still can’t understand what changed

One Reddit user took her story online, asking the community members of one of the most judgmental communities if she was being a jerk for refusing to quit her job to look after her baby as her husband changed his mind. The post received a lot of attention and accumulated more than 17.6K upvotes and 7.5K comments.

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The original poster (OP) starts her story by sharing that she is a lawyer, earns more money than her husband and actually likes her job, while he hates his. Due to these reasons, when OP became pregnant, they decided that the husband would be staying at home with the baby. However, 2 months after their baby’s birth, OP’s husband started saying that she should quit her job and take care of the baby.

The woman didn’t agree with it as there is not even one reason why it would be a good idea. She added that since then, her husband has called her a ‘bad mom’ and they have been fighting about it a lot as he kept bringing it up. OP is confused, as he was the one who wanted a child and assured her that he would be happy to be a stay-at-home dad.

Community members backed up the woman and discussed that her husband did a bait-and-switch and is now trying to manipulate her into doing what he wants, or doesn’t want to admit that he can’t hack it as a stay-at-home dad. “NTA. So he wants to be broke and lazy? Hire a nanny and a lawyer,” one user wrote. “He found out staying home and taking care of a baby is actually work,” another added. 

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Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)

“I believe societal norms have a large role in setting expectations for gender roles: men as the protectors and income earners and women as the nurturers and caretakers,” shared Julie Shafer, PhD, who is a psychologist and relationship coach, with Bored Panda. “While the influence of norms feels subtle, and as individuals we may not be consciously aware of them, they have an outsized role in what we expect others to say and do in various situations.”

She adds that norms feel obvious and ‘normal’ to people, so they don’t see that things can be done different ways and still have a good outcome. 

Now, speaking about the impact of labeling someone, in this case calling a woman a ‘bad mom’ for not quitting her job, Julie notes that it’s never a good sign and suggests an immature attempt to manipulate the other party. “As a therapist, (assuming I was seeing both parties) I would drill down into the underlying fear and anxiety the husband is feeling.”

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Julie emphasized that while this behavior is harmful and uncalled for, it’s also a sign that there is more going on than he’s saying. “I would encourage him to talk to his wife more about his feelings, rather than being so hurtful and acting out.”

Finally, I am sure many of us have heard or even experienced shifts in self-identity and communication with partners after becoming parents. The psychologist points out that men go from being men to fathers, while women’s identities will shift into the mothering role. “When we shift roles, we shift how we communicate and what we think of as acceptable behavior.”

Additionally, the shift in identity and resulting communication can be either subtle or great, depending on how uncomfortable individuals are with the shift. “In the case of this story, it seems that the father is uncomfortable with his new role as a stay-at-home dad and his anxiety about fulfilling that role is creating conflict with his wife because he is not talking about his feelings, he is acting them out.”

And what do you guys think about this whole situation? What do you think is the reason for the man’s sudden change of heart? Share your thoughts below!

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Redditors stood on the woman’s side and discussed that her husband is being a jerk

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Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

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Austėja Bliujūtė

Austėja Bliujūtė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hey there! I'm Austeja, a writer with a knack for capturing everything from family dramas to the latest meme trends at Bored Panda. Armed with a Bachelor's degree in business management, I blend expertise with creativity to deliver engaging articles. I love spicing up my pieces with insights from experts in the industry, ensuring the readers get interesting information. When I'm not typing away, you can find me jet-setting to sunny destinations, hunting for the perfect palm-fringed oasis, enjoying leisurely brunches with friends or binging various TV shows!

Read less »
Austėja Bliujūtė

Austėja Bliujūtė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hey there! I'm Austeja, a writer with a knack for capturing everything from family dramas to the latest meme trends at Bored Panda. Armed with a Bachelor's degree in business management, I blend expertise with creativity to deliver engaging articles. I love spicing up my pieces with insights from experts in the industry, ensuring the readers get interesting information. When I'm not typing away, you can find me jet-setting to sunny destinations, hunting for the perfect palm-fringed oasis, enjoying leisurely brunches with friends or binging various TV shows!

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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Trillian
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If going back to work means OP is a bad mom then he is a bad dad for wanting the same thing plus a bad husband for trying to back out of an agreement like this.

MoriahPapaya
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it were me, I'd be questioning if he has misogynistic friends or family influencing his mindset, sometimes a few innocuous comments can really embed themselves and the recipient hardly notices.

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Trillian
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If going back to work means OP is a bad mom then he is a bad dad for wanting the same thing plus a bad husband for trying to back out of an agreement like this.

MoriahPapaya
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it were me, I'd be questioning if he has misogynistic friends or family influencing his mindset, sometimes a few innocuous comments can really embed themselves and the recipient hardly notices.

Load More Comments
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