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Woman Asks If She’s A Jerk For Not Punishing Her Daughter Because Of How She Rejected Another Kid
Rejection is always harsh. I mean, you muster up all of your courage to tell someone special what you really think about them and get shut down. No one likes that.
The big difference is that some people can handle rejection, but others really don’t fare well. There’s only one good way to react to “no”, though. Yep, this one has an objective answer.
Once you hear those two syllables, you should really just walk off, tail tucked between your legs or not. But as the saying goes, some people really can’t take “no” for an answer.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes kids don’t really know how rejection works so they keep trying after getting that initial “no”
Image credits: Mai Anh (not the actual photo)
A mom took it online to be judged whether she was a jerk for not disciplining her daughter after hearing her harsh rejection of a fellow teen
Image credits: SalamanderSome9698
Image credits: Taryn Elliott (not the actual photo)
Her daughter is fed up and tired of fielding attention from guys all the time and them turning on her after she rejects them
Image credits: SalamanderSome9698
Image credits: KAMAL IG (not the actual photo)
After the 4th time the same guy had asked her out, the 12 y.o. girl harshly told him leave her alone, slipping a “freak” in there
Image credits: SalamanderSome9698
She started getting calls from other people saying that she needs to teach her daughter tolerance and punish her, but the mom refused to do so
Highschool crushes are a dime a dozen. I mean, at the time, they feel like the most important thing in the world, with teens practically being ready for the wedding a day after they hit it off with someone.
But hindsight is 20/20 and now we’ve got the privilege of knowing that those relationships usually have the same lasting time as left out milk.
Without this vital knowledge, teens overreact to every single potential relationship. Okay, maybe I’m being too harsh, not every single one, but we both know that proportions are more than overblown. It makes teens fret about pretty much every single thing they can control about themselves and even some that they really shouldn’t be trying to control.
It’s a lot of kids pretending to be things, wanting to be “cooler” than they think they are, more attractive, funnier and all of that stuff. I believe that the whole “be yourself” stems from that period, when kids will do anything just to make it with a girl. As time goes on they mellow out, find their own niche, and can feel better in their own skin.
A quick aside – “be yourself” is not really good advice. I know you’ve probably heard it so many times that it feels like you’re being beaten over the head with it, but I don’t mean that it’s bad advice because it’s an empty platitude.
It’s bad advice because “yourself” could be prejudiced, rude, condescending, elitist, someone who will not accept rejection, and so on… Be your best self! Work on yourself, develop your hobbies, and look for a partner because you want to love and be loved, not because you don’t have anything better to do and feel bad around your pals without one.
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Going back to the whole rejection thing in today’s story. Was the girl’s response harsh? Yeah, it was, but the real question is whether it was unjustified.
Remembering myself as a teen, I certainly didn’t have the most patience for people. Especially not bullies and anything related to them. Now while she was bullied by another group of kids, you could see how the constant hitting on and just wanting to be left in peace would make you feel.
So you explode at the person annoying you to no end, because you know that talking to them one on one has ceased working.
The worst part is that the school decided to perk up only after finding out what happened, considering the boy a victim. The mom shares in the comments that it’s gotten so bad at schools where she lives that she’s been considering moving, hoping that wherever they go, school policies will be more egalitarian in their punishments.
I understand it may seem too harsh, especially when sources say that autistic people may struggle far more with these feelings, but the teen shouldn’t feel obligated to date or be nice to anyone with any disorder, especially if they’re inconsiderate to their feelings.
This whole story shows how important it is to teach your kids boundaries and how to take rejection. Since we’ve seemingly got that boundary part down pat in this story, let’s talk about rejection.
Mashable talks about teaching empathy for a start, for example, by asking them how they would feel if they had to play with someone they didn’t like – same goes for dating.
Another thing is teaching them that everyone experiences rejection. You should show your children that despite being rejected by someone, they’re still valuable. Sharing your own experiences is a viable way to go here.
Finally, if kids get used to more difficult topics such as rejection and boundaries while they’re young, they’ll be more likely to broach difficult topics with you in the future and that kind of openness between kids and parents is truly a thing to behold.
The poster’s story collected over 13k upvotes and over 3.3k comments, the community judged neither the mom, nor the teen to be jerks.
Share your own stories of rejection and how you dealt with it in the comments below!
Even though her community disagrees, the AITA community firmly believes that neither she, neither her daughters are jerks
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What do you think ?
Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
Had the girl called him a name because she was just being a bully herself then yes, she would've been dead wrong. But after he harassed her 4 times he had whatever she said coming to him. You don't get to ignore my repeated requests to be left alone and expect me to be civil towards you and I'm an adult!
XenoMurph 1 year ago
He doesn't understand social cues, and norms. That gets him sympathy. But she must also protect herself from someone who is overstepping her boundaries, if that means he is upset, then that's sad but necessary for him to understand boundaries, and her to protect herself.
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Ephemeral Mochi 1 year ago
The issue here has nothing to do with autism, it's the fact that this guy harassed her. On a separate note, wtf is that stock image
TheBlueBitterfly 1 year ago
That stock image is seriously creeping me out.
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Stacy Bender 1 year ago
Women\girls should not be punished for not putting up with stalkers. Autism or any other disability is not an excuse for disrespecting others. Somebody needs to slap some send into the parents and teachers. When it gets to the point that you need to use a slur to make a point, society failed, period.
Ima Manimal 1 year ago (edited)
There was this one autistic boy in my son’s class that terrorized everyone- hitting, groping, copping feels……..when confronted, he would announce that he was autistic and not responsible for his misbehavior. Nobody would do anything and the parents were impossible. He’s in prison now for raping a 4 year old girl.
Solangelo4life!!! 1 year ago
Holy s**t that was bad and then it got worse
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whineygingercat 1 year ago
Just because the boy is autistic doesn't give him a shield to hide behind. He needs to learn that NO means NO.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
I'm autistic and I hate it when people act like that's some sort of free pass to treat other people poorly. Calling him a freak was a bit out of line, but his behaviour was ten times worse.
Marta Łobażewicz 1 year ago
That's a classic - nobody gives a damn when a kid is getting harrassed but everybody shi*s themselves over one word they use when being polite is not working.
CatWoman1014 1 year ago (edited)
Although autistic people don’t understand social queues, they understand words and no is a word everyone, including autistic kids learn early on. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior and I’m really tired of hearing people defend it when saying the word no is a complete and easily understood sentence
SadieCat17 1 year ago
Yeah she wasn't dropping subtle hints or social cues. No is a very straightforward answer. No four times is a very straightforward answer. He was intentionally ignoring that because being on the spectrum doesn't stop people from being a******s.
Load More Replies... SadieCat17 1 year ago
Why is everyone so much more concerned with the feelings of the boy? Yes she was mean to him, but do you have any idea how stressful it is to face that type of harassment? You have to be afraid of leading them on, worried that they might take forceful action, worried that they'll spread rumors out of anger, not be too rude because it will upset them and make you mean and unladylike, feeling dread every time you see them. If the boy can't take being rejected as a no, who knows what other no's he'll ignore. It's terrifying that people aren't taking this behavior as seriously as the daughter saying a mean and possibly slightly targeted word. Also there were *far* worse things she could have said to him.
Rain Anderson 1 year ago
I don't think people understand that if someone asks me out several times and literally starts nagging I would call them a freak too as they rightfully deserve, autistic or not.
Insomniac 1 year ago
I would have gone with a$$hole. I'm autistic, and I've certainly made my share of social faux pas unintentionally. I had to take classes to learn boundaries because we didn't have them at home and I couldn't naturally sense them. When you're different, you feel like a freak or an alien as is, and if you have depression or trauma, it is common to just 'give up' learning to act appropriately with others. Calling him a freak made his harassment about his autism, not about harassment. It could very well have enforced to him that he is just a freak and can't get along in the world so why bother trying? Then he'll do it again because he's just a freak and can't be normal anyhow. Calling him an a$$hole or something would put him on a level playing field with everyone else, show him that he's expected to maintain a standard of behaviour. That being said, the girl is 12, and that was probably more than she could reason out.
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James016 1 year ago
One of the things we are trying to teach our son is boundaries. His and others. Just as he can say no to someone, people can say no to him. Not easy as the sometimes compulsions are strong and sometimes he gets upset when he is told no. One example, there were a couple of kids on the beach when were on holiday, he went over and asked if he could play building sandcastles with them, they said no. He came back over a bit sad but if they don't want to play, no-one can force them. The girl and her parent are NTA. You can try and accommodate and be understanding but there is no reason to tolerate that sort of behaviour. The boy's parents need talking to.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
By a psychologist who specializes in autism. That, or CPS.
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SirWriteALot 1 year ago
Anyone who keeps making advances after having been told 4 times to buzz off is a freak, autism or not.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Having a disability or disease is not an excuse for treating others poorly. If you're teaching your kids that it is, YOU are the problem.
Chez2202 1 year ago
Exactly. His parents are not teaching him the basic decency that they would expect of a child who doesn’t have a known learning difficulty when they should actually be trying harder to do so.
Load More Replies... Marno C. 1 year ago
One important thing that everyone is skipping: She's 12. Can we also please stop rushing children out of childhood with all of this crush nonsense? This girl isn't rejecting the boy because she doesn't like him because he's autistic or because she's interested in another boy; she's rejecting him because she doesn't feel ready for romantic relationship. The mother of the boy should not be encouraging him to hit on ANYBODY at this age. His friendship signals are weak, so why is he encouraged to develop romantic attachments? Don't rush social development stages. Buy him the goofy-make-a-friend Valentines and shut the door on the I-have-a-crush-on-you Valentines. I deal a lot with kids this age, and so often one kid will develop an interest in an opposite gender kid and they get all sorts of pressure to call it a crush and to romanticize it, when really they just to be BFFs.
Royal Stray 1 year ago (edited)
NTA if anything his parents and the school needs to work harder of teaching him "NO". I know he has a condition, but that just means he needs to get more help and work that much harder when it comes to understanding rejection. It sends a really bad and dangerous message to blame girls for rejecting people. This is how and why so many women are afraid to speak up when they're uncomfortable.
Insomniac 1 year ago
I've been on both sides of this. I spent my childhood with a disabled man obsessed with me, and nobody protected me. I got in trouble for telling him to leave me alone. I was supposed to forgive and forget. I think if people had been more firm with him that he was doing wrong, he might have stopped, but nobody did, and he felt entitled. That's caused lifelong issues and trauma. That girl has every right to stand up for herself. I'm also autistic and have unknowingly crossed boundaries (I don't anymore; I've taken classes on boundaries and lots of behavioural therapy to manage my childhood trauma and understand appropriate social interaction). The parents are doing him no favours by making excuses. Being autistic sucks and makes a lot of stuff harder. But you still have to do it, even if it's harder.
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Id row 1 year ago
"Lady, teach your son that no means no. Why haven't you taught him to respect females?" That would have been my response to that woman. And with her attitude, no wonder her son isn't used to hearing the word 'no'. I f*cking hate entitled parents. They should not be allowed to reproduce.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
The Autism is beside the point. Since he's in class with the rest of the kids I suspect he's high functioning enough to comprehend what he's being told. I witness this time and time again. I understand parenting kids with Autism is hard, but it's still necessary and parent's duty to ensure they're teaching their kids boundaries and what's expected of them in society. It's not an excuse to treat them special just because of their disabilities. Rejections don't feel good. That's going to happen in life. The girl is NTA. What I don't understand is why this mom feels the need to go into such detail about how popular and pretty her daughter is, and boasting how desirable she is to the boys. Just felt icky reading that first part. The photo doesn't help either. Also, 12 is not "almost in High School. She's more almost getting into Junior High and 12 is a bit young for dating. Not sure why the mom is thinking that hard about it when she says her daughter is not into that right now.
Solangelo4life!!! 1 year ago
12 is the age where girls start dating, and she is just adding to the story. I don’t think she was really boasting, just saying that her daughter is pretty, and some guys like her, and that contributes to the story.
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Zoey Rayne 1 year ago
I encourage her to be assertive for her own comfort and safety. Neither child needs to be punished. The boy needs to be taught more about respect, boundaries, and social cues in a way that fits his diagnoses. The girl may benefit from a friendly discussion about ableist language, but she certainly doesn't need to be punished. Both children should be encouraged to give each other space to increase comfort and avoid hurt feelings.
MR 1 year ago
First one is free. Second one is annoying, but okay. By the third strike, all bets are off. And if you go for four, you're on your own. Feel the pain. I say this especially for girls/women who already have to put up with an epic layer of nonsense as it is. Autism isn't an excuse here. If he's incapable of understanding no in this context, he shouldn't be around other kids until he can. That's way too dangerous of an excuse.
Mike Fitzpatrick 1 year ago
You can only poke an animal so many times before it retaliates. The sweetest creature will take off your finger(s) if you keep messing with it after being warned. Shoot your shot then STFU if you get rejected.
Inclusion2020 1 year ago (edited)
I’m a special education teacher. Over the years, the absolute worst kids that I have ever had were the ones that had parents who treated them like Gods Gift because they were autistic. Harassment, physical abuse, and what have you are still the same charges and inflict the same amount of damage to the victim when the perpetrator has autism. And I’ve worked with kids in a program where we were the last step before incarceration. And even then. I will still say that the worst kid I ever taught had a mom who expected everyone to allow him to do and say as he pleased. In order to keep myself and my other students safe from this kid, I had to make him fear me. And I hade to make it clear that he was not accepted because of his behavior. And even then. It was obvious that he did not care.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
Let's be blunt. The boy was sexually harassing a12 year old girl. Autism or not, it's not ok for this to continue. If the school can't get a handle on their male students persistently sexually harassing this girl then the OP should look into moving schools as this is the second instance and she's only 12!
Bryn 1 year ago
As an autistic person, using autism as an excuse to ignore no is stupid. Autistic people can understand boundaries, & codling them isn't going to help them.
Insomniac 1 year ago
Being a CSA survivor and autistic, I struggled to learn boundaries, but I did eventually manage. CSA destroys a child's boundaries, so, autistic or not, they may struggle to learn because of the trauma. But no matter what's the reason we have trouble, we have to do it or it's not fair to other people. I've cared for individuals with many different disabilities, and I've never met one who is stupid. Most are brilliant (and creative) about getting what they want. It's that very cleverness I've observed for so many years that makes me believe that almost every human is capable of learning what "no" means, in spite of other limitations they may have.
Load More Replies... DarkViolet 1 year ago
NTA. Bottom line: the girl is being harassed, and the school refuses to do anything about it. I think this situation warrants involving the school board, a lawyer, and the police. The school board, because they don't want the bad publicity. The lawyer, because this may result in a court case. The police, because this type of harassment involves a minor, and CPS may have to get involved. The boy's mother needs to be told by an official that this behavior will not be tolerated, and can result in the boy being placed in an institution. In fact, it sounds like he would be better off in a group home, where he can learn about social cues and boundaries. In any event, if the harassment continues, he will be removed from the home anyway.
Maria Rodriguez 1 year ago
People use autism as an excuse. Clearly he's high functioning probably not even really autistic, but he should accept no. And anyone punishing their children for not putting up with this should be smacked. The girl was protecting herself being loud and insulting him so he would leave her alone. Good girl. Keep being like that it might save your life... and momma get a restraining order if he approaches her again
Insomniac 1 year ago
It's not for you to say if he's "even really autistic." In fact, it's offensive for you to say that. You're not his clinician. Autism is a spectrum, and the symptoms vary. Only a quarter of autistics have significant learning disabilities. Just because someone can keep up in school doesn't mean that they don't experience other symptoms very intensely, including sensory and social issues. That being said, the young man is certainly in the wrong here. Harassment is not acceptable. His parents and teachers should be firmly teaching him that, and the girl had the right to defend herself. But it's ableist, dehumanizing, and incredibly rude to minimize or dismiss someone's disability. For Freya's sake, don't ever do that to someone's face. Bad enough to do it behind their back.
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Wondering Alice 1 year ago
I have dealt with situations like this in school. You explain to the girl why it might be happening, but make very very clear no one can cross her boundaries for any reason. The other child's parents need to work together with the school pronto. He might need help learning, but failing to help him now will have very serious consequences down the line. However, I'm not sure that is what is happening here. How often do you hear good parents complain that their poor daughter is so good looking and it sucks to be her? Perhaps the other mothers are judging because the girl is in fact not too nice and could do with a bit of a conversation. That's a hard one though as 12 is a weird age and a bit unpleasant is less damaging than thinking you have to put up with unwanted attention.
Paul Rabit 1 year ago
Autism is no excuse for harassment. Plain and simple. And that’s not coming from a lack of compassion for those with autism.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Say it nicely the first two times and say it like you mean it the third.
CwtchyMama 1 year ago
I get both sides she had every right to reject him but calling him freak can come across as intolerant even tho she probably would have said the same to any boy who was harassing her . She totally dies not deserve punishment at all .
Ash 1 year ago
Yes, exactly. Good for her for standing up for herself, but "freak" is a term she really SHOULD not use for anybody with neurodivergency. I don't think it would hurt for her mother to convey that distinction to her.
Load More Replies... Skulls.N.Succulents 1 year ago
Had the girl called him a name because she was just being a bully herself then yes, she would've been dead wrong. But after he harassed her 4 times he had whatever she said coming to him. You don't get to ignore my repeated requests to be left alone and expect me to be civil towards you and I'm an adult!
XenoMurph 1 year ago
He doesn't understand social cues, and norms. That gets him sympathy. But she must also protect herself from someone who is overstepping her boundaries, if that means he is upset, then that's sad but necessary for him to understand boundaries, and her to protect herself.
Load More Replies... Ephemeral Mochi 1 year ago
The issue here has nothing to do with autism, it's the fact that this guy harassed her. On a separate note, wtf is that stock image
TheBlueBitterfly 1 year ago
That stock image is seriously creeping me out.
Load More Replies... Stacy Bender 1 year ago
Women\girls should not be punished for not putting up with stalkers. Autism or any other disability is not an excuse for disrespecting others. Somebody needs to slap some send into the parents and teachers. When it gets to the point that you need to use a slur to make a point, society failed, period.
Ima Manimal 1 year ago (edited)
There was this one autistic boy in my son’s class that terrorized everyone- hitting, groping, copping feels……..when confronted, he would announce that he was autistic and not responsible for his misbehavior. Nobody would do anything and the parents were impossible. He’s in prison now for raping a 4 year old girl.
Solangelo4life!!! 1 year ago
Holy s**t that was bad and then it got worse
Load More Replies... whineygingercat 1 year ago
Just because the boy is autistic doesn't give him a shield to hide behind. He needs to learn that NO means NO.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
I'm autistic and I hate it when people act like that's some sort of free pass to treat other people poorly. Calling him a freak was a bit out of line, but his behaviour was ten times worse.
Marta Łobażewicz 1 year ago
That's a classic - nobody gives a damn when a kid is getting harrassed but everybody shi*s themselves over one word they use when being polite is not working.
CatWoman1014 1 year ago (edited)
Although autistic people don’t understand social queues, they understand words and no is a word everyone, including autistic kids learn early on. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior and I’m really tired of hearing people defend it when saying the word no is a complete and easily understood sentence
SadieCat17 1 year ago
Yeah she wasn't dropping subtle hints or social cues. No is a very straightforward answer. No four times is a very straightforward answer. He was intentionally ignoring that because being on the spectrum doesn't stop people from being a******s.
Load More Replies... SadieCat17 1 year ago
Why is everyone so much more concerned with the feelings of the boy? Yes she was mean to him, but do you have any idea how stressful it is to face that type of harassment? You have to be afraid of leading them on, worried that they might take forceful action, worried that they'll spread rumors out of anger, not be too rude because it will upset them and make you mean and unladylike, feeling dread every time you see them. If the boy can't take being rejected as a no, who knows what other no's he'll ignore. It's terrifying that people aren't taking this behavior as seriously as the daughter saying a mean and possibly slightly targeted word. Also there were *far* worse things she could have said to him.
Rain Anderson 1 year ago
I don't think people understand that if someone asks me out several times and literally starts nagging I would call them a freak too as they rightfully deserve, autistic or not.
Insomniac 1 year ago
I would have gone with a$$hole. I'm autistic, and I've certainly made my share of social faux pas unintentionally. I had to take classes to learn boundaries because we didn't have them at home and I couldn't naturally sense them. When you're different, you feel like a freak or an alien as is, and if you have depression or trauma, it is common to just 'give up' learning to act appropriately with others. Calling him a freak made his harassment about his autism, not about harassment. It could very well have enforced to him that he is just a freak and can't get along in the world so why bother trying? Then he'll do it again because he's just a freak and can't be normal anyhow. Calling him an a$$hole or something would put him on a level playing field with everyone else, show him that he's expected to maintain a standard of behaviour. That being said, the girl is 12, and that was probably more than she could reason out.
Load More Replies... James016 1 year ago
One of the things we are trying to teach our son is boundaries. His and others. Just as he can say no to someone, people can say no to him. Not easy as the sometimes compulsions are strong and sometimes he gets upset when he is told no. One example, there were a couple of kids on the beach when were on holiday, he went over and asked if he could play building sandcastles with them, they said no. He came back over a bit sad but if they don't want to play, no-one can force them. The girl and her parent are NTA. You can try and accommodate and be understanding but there is no reason to tolerate that sort of behaviour. The boy's parents need talking to.
DarkViolet 1 year ago
By a psychologist who specializes in autism. That, or CPS.
Load More Replies... SirWriteALot 1 year ago
Anyone who keeps making advances after having been told 4 times to buzz off is a freak, autism or not.
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
Having a disability or disease is not an excuse for treating others poorly. If you're teaching your kids that it is, YOU are the problem.
Chez2202 1 year ago
Exactly. His parents are not teaching him the basic decency that they would expect of a child who doesn’t have a known learning difficulty when they should actually be trying harder to do so.
Load More Replies... Marno C. 1 year ago
One important thing that everyone is skipping: She's 12. Can we also please stop rushing children out of childhood with all of this crush nonsense? This girl isn't rejecting the boy because she doesn't like him because he's autistic or because she's interested in another boy; she's rejecting him because she doesn't feel ready for romantic relationship. The mother of the boy should not be encouraging him to hit on ANYBODY at this age. His friendship signals are weak, so why is he encouraged to develop romantic attachments? Don't rush social development stages. Buy him the goofy-make-a-friend Valentines and shut the door on the I-have-a-crush-on-you Valentines. I deal a lot with kids this age, and so often one kid will develop an interest in an opposite gender kid and they get all sorts of pressure to call it a crush and to romanticize it, when really they just to be BFFs.
Royal Stray 1 year ago (edited)
NTA if anything his parents and the school needs to work harder of teaching him "NO". I know he has a condition, but that just means he needs to get more help and work that much harder when it comes to understanding rejection. It sends a really bad and dangerous message to blame girls for rejecting people. This is how and why so many women are afraid to speak up when they're uncomfortable.
Insomniac 1 year ago
I've been on both sides of this. I spent my childhood with a disabled man obsessed with me, and nobody protected me. I got in trouble for telling him to leave me alone. I was supposed to forgive and forget. I think if people had been more firm with him that he was doing wrong, he might have stopped, but nobody did, and he felt entitled. That's caused lifelong issues and trauma. That girl has every right to stand up for herself. I'm also autistic and have unknowingly crossed boundaries (I don't anymore; I've taken classes on boundaries and lots of behavioural therapy to manage my childhood trauma and understand appropriate social interaction). The parents are doing him no favours by making excuses. Being autistic sucks and makes a lot of stuff harder. But you still have to do it, even if it's harder.
Load More Replies... Id row 1 year ago
"Lady, teach your son that no means no. Why haven't you taught him to respect females?" That would have been my response to that woman. And with her attitude, no wonder her son isn't used to hearing the word 'no'. I f*cking hate entitled parents. They should not be allowed to reproduce.
StrangeOne 1 year ago
The Autism is beside the point. Since he's in class with the rest of the kids I suspect he's high functioning enough to comprehend what he's being told. I witness this time and time again. I understand parenting kids with Autism is hard, but it's still necessary and parent's duty to ensure they're teaching their kids boundaries and what's expected of them in society. It's not an excuse to treat them special just because of their disabilities. Rejections don't feel good. That's going to happen in life. The girl is NTA. What I don't understand is why this mom feels the need to go into such detail about how popular and pretty her daughter is, and boasting how desirable she is to the boys. Just felt icky reading that first part. The photo doesn't help either. Also, 12 is not "almost in High School. She's more almost getting into Junior High and 12 is a bit young for dating. Not sure why the mom is thinking that hard about it when she says her daughter is not into that right now.
Solangelo4life!!! 1 year ago
12 is the age where girls start dating, and she is just adding to the story. I don’t think she was really boasting, just saying that her daughter is pretty, and some guys like her, and that contributes to the story.
Load More Replies... Zoey Rayne 1 year ago
I encourage her to be assertive for her own comfort and safety. Neither child needs to be punished. The boy needs to be taught more about respect, boundaries, and social cues in a way that fits his diagnoses. The girl may benefit from a friendly discussion about ableist language, but she certainly doesn't need to be punished. Both children should be encouraged to give each other space to increase comfort and avoid hurt feelings.
MR 1 year ago
First one is free. Second one is annoying, but okay. By the third strike, all bets are off. And if you go for four, you're on your own. Feel the pain. I say this especially for girls/women who already have to put up with an epic layer of nonsense as it is. Autism isn't an excuse here. If he's incapable of understanding no in this context, he shouldn't be around other kids until he can. That's way too dangerous of an excuse.
Mike Fitzpatrick 1 year ago
You can only poke an animal so many times before it retaliates. The sweetest creature will take off your finger(s) if you keep messing with it after being warned. Shoot your shot then STFU if you get rejected.
Inclusion2020 1 year ago (edited)
I’m a special education teacher. Over the years, the absolute worst kids that I have ever had were the ones that had parents who treated them like Gods Gift because they were autistic. Harassment, physical abuse, and what have you are still the same charges and inflict the same amount of damage to the victim when the perpetrator has autism. And I’ve worked with kids in a program where we were the last step before incarceration. And even then. I will still say that the worst kid I ever taught had a mom who expected everyone to allow him to do and say as he pleased. In order to keep myself and my other students safe from this kid, I had to make him fear me. And I hade to make it clear that he was not accepted because of his behavior. And even then. It was obvious that he did not care.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
Let's be blunt. The boy was sexually harassing a12 year old girl. Autism or not, it's not ok for this to continue. If the school can't get a handle on their male students persistently sexually harassing this girl then the OP should look into moving schools as this is the second instance and she's only 12!
Bryn 1 year ago
As an autistic person, using autism as an excuse to ignore no is stupid. Autistic people can understand boundaries, & codling them isn't going to help them.
Insomniac 1 year ago
Being a CSA survivor and autistic, I struggled to learn boundaries, but I did eventually manage. CSA destroys a child's boundaries, so, autistic or not, they may struggle to learn because of the trauma. But no matter what's the reason we have trouble, we have to do it or it's not fair to other people. I've cared for individuals with many different disabilities, and I've never met one who is stupid. Most are brilliant (and creative) about getting what they want. It's that very cleverness I've observed for so many years that makes me believe that almost every human is capable of learning what "no" means, in spite of other limitations they may have.
Load More Replies... DarkViolet 1 year ago
NTA. Bottom line: the girl is being harassed, and the school refuses to do anything about it. I think this situation warrants involving the school board, a lawyer, and the police. The school board, because they don't want the bad publicity. The lawyer, because this may result in a court case. The police, because this type of harassment involves a minor, and CPS may have to get involved. The boy's mother needs to be told by an official that this behavior will not be tolerated, and can result in the boy being placed in an institution. In fact, it sounds like he would be better off in a group home, where he can learn about social cues and boundaries. In any event, if the harassment continues, he will be removed from the home anyway.
Maria Rodriguez 1 year ago
People use autism as an excuse. Clearly he's high functioning probably not even really autistic, but he should accept no. And anyone punishing their children for not putting up with this should be smacked. The girl was protecting herself being loud and insulting him so he would leave her alone. Good girl. Keep being like that it might save your life... and momma get a restraining order if he approaches her again
Insomniac 1 year ago
It's not for you to say if he's "even really autistic." In fact, it's offensive for you to say that. You're not his clinician. Autism is a spectrum, and the symptoms vary. Only a quarter of autistics have significant learning disabilities. Just because someone can keep up in school doesn't mean that they don't experience other symptoms very intensely, including sensory and social issues. That being said, the young man is certainly in the wrong here. Harassment is not acceptable. His parents and teachers should be firmly teaching him that, and the girl had the right to defend herself. But it's ableist, dehumanizing, and incredibly rude to minimize or dismiss someone's disability. For Freya's sake, don't ever do that to someone's face. Bad enough to do it behind their back.
Load More Replies... Wondering Alice 1 year ago
I have dealt with situations like this in school. You explain to the girl why it might be happening, but make very very clear no one can cross her boundaries for any reason. The other child's parents need to work together with the school pronto. He might need help learning, but failing to help him now will have very serious consequences down the line. However, I'm not sure that is what is happening here. How often do you hear good parents complain that their poor daughter is so good looking and it sucks to be her? Perhaps the other mothers are judging because the girl is in fact not too nice and could do with a bit of a conversation. That's a hard one though as 12 is a weird age and a bit unpleasant is less damaging than thinking you have to put up with unwanted attention.
Paul Rabit 1 year ago
Autism is no excuse for harassment. Plain and simple. And that’s not coming from a lack of compassion for those with autism.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
Say it nicely the first two times and say it like you mean it the third.
CwtchyMama 1 year ago
I get both sides she had every right to reject him but calling him freak can come across as intolerant even tho she probably would have said the same to any boy who was harassing her . She totally dies not deserve punishment at all .
Ash 1 year ago
Yes, exactly. Good for her for standing up for herself, but "freak" is a term she really SHOULD not use for anybody with neurodivergency. I don't think it would hurt for her mother to convey that distinction to her.
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