I had the same problem. Tried sear, reverse sear, sous vide, bbq. Got it right exactly once. Have recently switched to different cuts. I live in the tropics. The local cuts are awful, the imported frozen ones haven’t been successful until I switched to frozen Aussie meltique brand. Thaw, marinate in oil, garlic, herbs, Worcester, mustard , soy and balsamic overnight, then blast in a hot pan for 3 mins, turn and blast for another 3, rest for 6 mins, then slice against the grain. After 20 years of screw-in up steak, it’s right every time. I’m convinced it was the meat, not the cook.

Let it reach room temp first. Don't cook a cold steak unless it's in the oven.

My guess would be thickness. I'd suggest trying to get consistent with the meat thickness. If you aren't sure you can get it, ask the butcher shop to cut it for you. Oh, and I'd suggest buying multiple steaks at once, and making them in a different way each (more heat, shorter cooking etc.) You will spend a lot of money straightaway but you will learn how your equipment works and you will know what you want to do. Try the scientific method - control all variables and change them one at a time. It might be overkill but it will work

Sometimes it's the meat, not you

The meat tenderizer is your friend. While beating the steak into submission (really only needs one whack on each side along is surface, more if you have tough fat), heat the pan on medium high. Before you beat the mea... Um... Tenderize the steak..., You might sprinkle your seasonings on and... Tenderize those in as well. Sear it in one side for about a minute, then flip it and put a lid on it. I do that only so it gets to temp, about 62°c or so. Don't be afraid to cut it to see if it's how you want it on the inside. As you go, you'll eventually not need to do that, and your streaks will be amazing.

Searing hot pan, don't overcrowd the pan, don't touch it until you're ready to turn it and only turn it once. If it's stuck don't force it, give it time and the pan will eventually release it.

Never use a thermometer. When you poke holes you let out juices and it dries your steak out. Learn to cook by feel.

steak tartare - problem solved

Also, allowing your meat to rest before cutting into it gives the molecular structure for reform and seal in the juices. The riboflavin that leaks out will reabsorb as the meat settles. The meat will continue to cook out of the pan, so try pulling it when it's just under temp. I do this for chicken breasts at work. I cook them to 160 and let them rest to doneness (165). Same for fish. I pull it at 140 and it finishes to 145 (medium well). Beef can be cooked to a temp of 137 and it will finish to 140 (rare). 145-150 is medium rare. Beef has a bit more wiggle room in terms of it's temp range. For reference, the temperature danger zone for all food is 41 degrees to 135 degrees. Above or below that range of temps kills germs making food safe for consumption.

Get a cast iron skillet hot as sh*t. Put the steak on for 3-4 minutes, no touchy, flip it. Cook another 3-4 minutes. No touchy. Throw it in the oven with a meat thermometer till it reaches desired temp. Done. Perfect crust, perfect inside.

Have you tried the reverse sear method? Start your beef in the oven at 225 until the internal temp reaches 95 degrees. Pull it out of the oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes. Heat your cast iron skillet with olive oil until smoking and add your meat, presentation side down. Allow to release and flip. Add butter and aromatics like a halved clove of garlic, fresh springs of rosemary and thyme and use a spoon you baste your melting butter over the steak. This is a quick process and your meat will be up to temp within 6-10 minutes. Chef Steps on YouTube is a great resource for learning how to cook restaurant quality food.

Alton Brown taught me how to cook a great steak. (Google) BTW: I don't own any nonstick pans. But, I do own Bar Keepers Friend.

I can't cook a steak either. However my husband can cook the dang thing perfect every time. He puts it on the grill, or sometimes pan, on medium/high. Sets the timer 5 minutes each side. Let's rest a few inches on a plate. Really good

What was the problem? Overcooked? Tough?

I'd suggest looking into 'sous-vide' cooking - you can get restaurant-style done-ness (you've stated that you're not fond of medium) without turning it into jerky/shoe-leather.

What are you using? I never make a good meat on thin pan, but on a heavy pan it is completely different story. I love cast iron, because it can keep good temperature and the sign that the meat is ready is simple, if it is stuck, it is not ready yet. Another thing is heat source. Electric oven is usable, gas or coal is great, but I never had any luck with ceramics, because it usually turns off the heat when the pan is perfect, so it gets too cold. Also, do not poke the meat with fork or thermometer. And when you are done, put it on plate, place a bit of butter on top and salt it (do not salt in advance) and let it rest for 10 minutes under a lit (or other plate).

Pat the steak dry and season it just before putting it in the pan. The amount of fat and thickness of the steak varies. What I do is, wait for the pan to be really hot, put it in, turn on the timer, and note the time needed for the sides to be visibly cooked (around halfway), then I flip it and cook it 30 to 60 seconds less on the other side, since there's now heat on both sides and it needs less time.

Foxy, get a pan like cast iron or full stainless steel that you can go right from stove top to oven without switching pans. Sear on a high heat just enough to brown it on both sides and then toss it in the oven till the center reaches your desired temp. Pull it out and let it rest for at least 5mins depending on size Works great till you master stove top and grill. Butter basting on stovetop can help that too.

I use Heston Blumenthal's method: Let steak come to room temp. Pat dry. Sear in very hot pan (steel or cast iron), turning every 15s, using a heat resistant fat (I use beef drippings or clarified butter). Use an instant read thermometer to check core temp while cooking. Transfer away from pan and let it rest a bit before you've got the core temp you're looking for. (Look up temp target, it varies by preference.).

You're probably using the wrong steak

My trick for steak on the grill is to rub it with baking soda six to eight hours before grilling, wash it off good with warm water just before grilling, salt liberally then put it on the grill and spray or baste with butter. Mine come out tender, jucy and yummy!

I use the don't touch method & they never turn out very good, either under done or half burned. My spouse uses the poke prod and turn frequently method & they always turn out perfectly done.

Same here. That's a lot of money to waste on something that the cats won't even eat.

Make sure your pan is preheated before placing the steak on the pan. Also some cuts of steak aren't meant to be pan seared, and will end up tough and chewy.

You need a good pan. Black (Carbon) steel will change your life. It's the sear of cast iron without the stick & season once it gets a patina. ATK recommends Matfer Bougeat. Love mine

Simple. 1. Do not pan fry, that is an abomination unto the LORD. 2. Make a BBQ with wood with flames. 3. make sure steak is no more than 1.5cm-2cm thick. 3. Put on BBQ on the SIDE out the flames to warm up or par-cook for about 2 minutes. 4. Put into the flames for 1 minute. 5. Flip and repeat 4. Remove. I am mis-estimating the times here - YMMV. It takes practice. I can get a perfect steakhouse medium rare every time. Point is to do it hot and fast.

Your first mistake is eating steak. It’s not a high protein and beef is not healthy in the long run. You’ll live longer if you cut way way back on the animal proteins.

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Language reflects class or lack thereof.

That's why you let your steak sit out at room temp for 30 minutes, and then pat dry. (Make sure it's very dry)