We know how valuable a good piece of advice or certain information can be if given in the right place, at the right time, and in an appropriate manner. However, it can have just the opposite effect when it is out of place. And this becomes twice as annoying when one’s intent, hidden under the pretense of helping out, is just so obviously only meant to belittle a person by positioning oneself in an overall superior position. Luckily, sometimes it might become sort of satisfying when such an arrogant person’s incompetence speaks for itself, despite his best efforts to prove you otherwise.

More info: TikTok

A man keeps ‘explaining’ beer to a server, oblivious to the fact she’s a professional brewer

Image credits: danicalifownia

Customer wouldn’t drop his condescending tone when corrected and suggested that she ‘not quit her day job’ instead

Image credits: danicalifownia

“Sometimes I hate being a server because people just think I’m dumb. Like, I’m a dumb, feeble little girl”

Image credits: danicalifownia

“This guy came into my restaurant the other day”

“And like, without skipping a beat explains to me every single beer on the menu, what it is, and where it’s from, like, I didn’t know.”

Image credits: danicalifownia

“And then he goes as far as to explain the brewing process to me”

“And I’m like, ‘Yeah, wow, that’s wild’ And he said that they use diatomic earth to filter beers. And also, that nice, juicy sour taste that you get is from lactomycellum. And I was like, I think it’s lactobacillus.”

Image credits: danicalifownia

“And he goes, like cackles ‘Oh, don’t quit your day job. Like, that’s not, I don’t think that’s right, sweetheart.'”

“That’s literally it. I was like, “You’re never gonna believe what my day job is. But I didn’t tell him, I am going to show TikTok what my day job is. This is my day job. I work at the oldest and most award-winning brewery in Nevada, and it is lactobacillus. And it’s not ‘diatomic earth’ it is ‘diatomaceous earth’”

Image credits: Hussein Haidar Salman (not the actual photo)

You can watch the original video here:

@danicalifowniaMansplaining♬ original sound – Dani Castleberry

Meeting arrogant and condescending people is probably unavoidable when working in customer service, as one gets to meet a lot of people who have, or think they have, little to lose if they decide on boosting their self esteem by belittling people who are trying to provide good customer service. This woman, who works as a server in a bar, found herself in just that situation and shared her experience on TikTok.  

She explains that this customer happened to be one of those people who would see someone waitressing and automatically assume they know enough about the person or enough to know the person to be dumb. While in fact, such assumptions can often reveal the arrogance of a person making the assumptions and not about the one who is being judged without being known first.

Based on the woman’s video, this customer exhibited the basic signs of arrogant and condescending behavior, as ‘without skipping a beat’ he explained every single beer on the menu, what it is and where it is from. Which is a great indication of one being so self-absorbed that he wouldn’t even notice the person he is pretending to be having a conversation with.

Despite the woman in front of him knowing the beers he was talking about, he proceeded introducing her to brewing process, which she is of course familiar with, as she works for a brewing company. Apparently, she dared to say a word correcting him, that it is actually ‘diatomaceous earth’ and not ‘diatomic earth’ that is used to filter beers, and that it is actually ‘lactobacillus’ and not ‘lactomycellum’ that gives beer ‘that nice, juicy sour taste’.

And when corrected, this customer wouldn’t drop acting superior and wouldn’t even consider the point seriously, using some patronizing phrases like: “I don’t think that’s right, sweetheart,” in addition to actually thinking that it was his time to cackle and say something like: “Oh, don’t quit your day job,” ‘making a point’ that this woman had no idea what she was talking about and had absolutely no understanding about beer and the brewing process, without bothering to find out that in addition to simply being rude, he couldn’t be further from the truth.

Well, even if for the opposite purpose, this man actually points exactly to the point, claiming this woman should not quit her day job. As she explains in her video, she actually works for the biggest brewing company in Nevada. So in a way, this man actually made a complete fool of himself, without even bothering or being able to find out. However, based on this man’s behavior, it might be doubted if his entitled ego could handle it.

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Image credits: Amanda Klamrowski (not the actual photo)

Marcia Reynolds for Psychology Today clarifies the distinction between being confident and being arrogant. Confident people do not need to put others down to feel good about themselves, as their confidence comes from self-measurement, based on ‘competing’ with their previous performance. Arrogance, in contrast, stems from other-measurement and competing with others.

Arrogance and condescension can be recognized in people when their main goal in communication is an effort to put others in two categories, either “less than” or “better than” instead of  trying to understand and be understood. This behavior serves a purpose to project superiority, as it is the only way an arrogant or condescending person can feel self-worth, while any threat to such a person’s feeling of superiority is perceived by them as a threat to their worthiness.

The psychology scholar notes that arrogant people usually stop listening to others once they think they might be disagreeing with them. Their sole purpose while having a conversation is often to simply ‘share their wisdom’ without listening to what others have to say on the topic, or whether they are actually interested in hearing it. Finally, arrogance in people often manifests as not being interested in getting a better understanding of ideas that conflict with their own.

The main strategy when dealing with arrogance in other people, as noted by Marcia Reynolds, is avoiding being caught up in the “less than-better than” loop of judgement. In other words, one should not descend to the same level of arrogance. She suggests listening and making sure the arrogant person feels heard, without getting too emotionally involved.

One must be advised to let go of the need to get their ideas accepted or even heard. Whenever possible, it is recommended to bring up the source of one’s ideas or information, for strengthening the authority of one’s statements and making the conversation less personal. Marcia Reynolds sums it up by advising to stay calm and whenever possible, not slip into being defensive.

People on TikTok shared their views of the situation:

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