Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
30 Of The Best ‘It Doesn’t Work Like That’ Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions
It’s no secret that fiction spreads faster than truth. Myths are no exception. Blame the communal imagination, internet folklore, word of mouth and so on, but in reality, we are all susceptible to false claims and and wrong assumptions.
Jobs we do are no exception. Just think of the way we imagine a spy (thanks, James Bond!) or a crime detective (thanks, X-files!) and you see how easy it is to succumb to cliches.
So in order to debunk those stubborn myths surrounding common professions and see how they really work, we looked at various Reddit threads where people share the myths behind things they do for a living. The results are in below, so scroll down!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
IT - that we just Google everything. It's not true. Sometimes we remember the solution from the last time we googled it.
#2
Contrary to popular belief, not every magician has a beautiful assistant. In fact, the only time I make women disappear is when I tell them I'm a magician.
#3
No longer my profession - BUT I was a stripper for 5 years.
We, in my experience, tend to have MOTHER issues, not father.
I'm dead serious. I've been to a lot of ex-stripper weddings. Their dads are *always* there.
The mothers not invited.
Although a myth exists for probably every profession, it’s no secret that the jobs that attract the most myths are the ones that are the most unusual, intriguing and mysterious, like detectives and forensic experts.Other professions that feed our shared imagination are the more unique ones. Think of fragrance creators, ghostwriters, taxidermists and so on and so on.
Sheila Lowe has one of these incredibly fascinating professions people don’t normally know much about. Lowe is a professional handwriting examiner with more than four decades of experience. She has been qualified to testify in cases of handwriting authentication since 1985, and has also qualified in cases of personality assessment. Lowe is also a multi-published and award-winning book author with the “Forensic Handwriting Mystery” fiction series, among others.
So Bored Panda spoke with Lowe to find out more about what it takes to be a handwriting examiner, and the myths surrounding this unique profession.
#4
People always think welders are all stupid alcoholics. In my experience most of the welders I've worked with, and including myself, are pretty intelligent alcoholics.
#5
That scientists know everything about every science subject. Typically, we are very specialized. I don't know shit about biology, for instance. Nonetheless, people think I know about anything sciency even though I only studied a very particular slice of something.
Another myth is that we are scientists all the time. When I play golf, I'm not calculating the trajectory of the ball. I'm just hitting the fucking ball. Usually off into the trees.
#6
I work retail. We are human beings with feelings and emotions. We just want to help you out.
If you're an a*****e to us, we won't help you.
“In my case, my handwriting career has taken me in two different directions. The first twenty years I focused on personality assessment through handwriting,” Lowe told us. “After that, I branched into handwriting authentication—working within the court system to identify forgeries. These days, that’s mostly what I do,” she added.
What Lowe likes the most about her profession is her ability to help people. “Whether it’s understanding them better or helping them with their legal battles—though I am not an advocate for the client, but for the truth.”
#7
Farmer here.
I do not delight in killing the livestock, nor are any of them mistreated. We do not all support factory farms.
#8
From bomb squad, I'd say the "Do I cut the red wire or the blue wire!" cliche is tiring.
Terrorists don't follow standardized wire coloring codes.
When it comes to myths surrounding Lowe’s profession, she argues that some people believe that handwriting tells everything about a person, which is certainly not true. “People are too complex for that,” she adds.
“At the other extreme, there are those who think handwriting doesn’t reveal anything about them. Also not true. I could write a lot about that.”
Moreover, According to Lowe, most people don’t know anything at all about handwriting analysis and are surprised when they learn just how much it reveals about them.
#11
> 'Therapists will make me talk about s**t I don't want to.'
We really don't. If we are working on your anxiety I'm not going to ask you about your first sexual experience unless YOU think it's relevant.
> 'Therapists get in to your head and make you do s**t you don't want to'
That's Jedi. Not us. If I could do that I wouldn't be a therapist.
#12
That doctors are super humans who don't need to eat, sleep or have a life.
We are all human and almost all of us would put your lives before ours at the drop of a hat so please don't abuse it.
Having said that, Lowe pointed out that with so few students being taught how to write in cursive these days, there is a tremendous loss. “Brain research shows how important handwriting is to training of young brains, and how it helps develop many areas, including reading, spelling, and retention.
“Historically, illiterate people have been kept at the bottom of society. Plus, many kids today cannot read historical documents, nor even letters from grandma. We must maintain this vital skill,” the handwriting examiner concluded.
#13
Criminal defense attorney. People think our job is to find "technicalities" that allow alleged criminals to go free. Those "technicalities" are most often fundamental constitutional protections, not something like a typo in the charging documents. Our job is to make sure the government is playing fair.
#14
No, not everyone should learn to code. It is not the new literacy. Literacy itself is a worthy enough goal, and we are losing on that front.
Also, programming is hard, and not necessarily that fun when you have to do it for work.
Everyone should learn how computers work, and everyone should be able to understand what code is, but people who imagine some kind of utopia where 80% of the population are happily employed as computer programmers...you are all smoking crack.
#15
Dog trainer
No Cesar Millan did not fix all those dogs issues in 30 minutes. He spent all day with the dog and family working with it getting the dog to a point where HE could prevent some of the behavior issues from occurring while in HIS control. Which is great and although the methods he used in the Dog Whisperer series tend to be pretty controversial he accomplishes a lot with the dogs he worked with. But watch the video testimonials at the end, the families always say, "we're still working with behavior X things are getting better..."
Also quick rant about people who watch Dog Whisperer and try to replicate his "Alpha" methods. Be really careful, you can do more harm than good. If you see a dog on his show being aggressive and he alpha rolls it and dominates it and your dog does the same thing and you try to replicate it, first be prepared to get bit. Second if the dog is displaying aggression because of fear or lack of socialization and you do this you'll make it worse almost without exception. Also there are other and arguably better methods of dealing with genuinely aggressive dogs.
Also most of what you learned about pack theory is wrong. It was taken from watching captive wolves from differing packs the behaviors you've been taught are "pack" behaviors are actually stress behavior occurring because of captivity and because of the mingling of different family units. So the social interactions that we've learned about don't actually occur with packs in the wild.
#16
Being an accountant does not require good math.
Whenever I tell people I'm an accountant, I frequently hear, "oh, you must be good at math."
Math in accounting is adding and subtracting. The difficulty lies in the rules and regulations of accounting.
#17
That wait staff/bartenders are uneducated/stupid.
I've worked in hospitality for seven years and worked with so many highly educated people. Nurses, refrigeration mechanics, robotic engineers, marketing graduates, aged care workers, marine biologists. I have a degree in ecology.
I can almost guarantee that your waiter has studied something after high school, whether it was a certificate, trade or university degree. But waitressing pays the bills while you're searching for something better.
#18
I am a cable man. No sex is given to me by ladies who need the cable fixed.
#19
Men in the nursing profession aren't necessarily gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that) Many of us were Paramedics and military medics/corpsmen before going into nursing.
#20
Librarian. I don't sit at a desk and read all day, I don't shush you, I don't get an advanced degree to learn how to shelve books in order, and I'm not a woman.
"Librarian" is a bit like "engineer" in that it's a term that covers a lot of sub-fields and jobs. A public librarian will do things like developing the collection (buying books for the community and removing books from the collection that aren't circulating), developing and running programs like classes and special events, and doing outreach and administrative things like budgeting. A digital librarian will work with special collections - digital or not - to organize and display them and don't interact with the public at all (one I've worked with recently: https://d.lib.msu.edu/). An academic librarian is assisting with research, conducting research of their own, assisting students in learning how to use the library, and assisting professors in developing coursework.
#21
I work in the laboratory, background in medical lab science.
People in other departments of the hospital seem to think that the lab is full of antisocial introverts who don't care about patients at all, and that we think of our work like an assembly line.
The introvert part is usually true, but that doesn't mean we don't care. We f*****g care, a lot. In my experience the lab is usually full of empaths who want to help people, but can't afford to get emotionally invested.
#22
We don't abuse inmates or arrange to the death fights. The f****d up system deals with them far more cruelly than we ever could. No need to take it further.
#23
You don't "go to sleep" under general anesthesia, and the chances of you "waking up" in the middle of surgery are practically nil.
I get that your worst fear is watching people operating on you and you can't do anything about it, but the instances of that are so low, you have a bigger chance of dying in a car accident on the way to your surgery than that actually happening to you.
#24
I have worked at a hotel for 8 years now in positions of power at the front desk, reservations and group sales.
First, we do not hold rooms out of inventory! When we say we are sold out, we are sold out. We are here to make sure you have an enjoyable stay, but we are a business, why wouldn't we want to sell all possible rooms? First come first served is a real thing.
Also, being rude when there is the smallest thing wrong with your stay will not get you a free night. Comping a whole stay is very rare, compensation by discounting your room rate, parking or food is much more common. If you approach me with respect I am more likely to compensate a greater monetary amount than if you're a d**k.
#25
Graphic Designer.
No, my job is *not* colouring in.
No, it does *not* mean that I know how to draw or paint perfectly well.
And no, just because you watched some Photoshop tutorials on Youtube, does *not* mean you can suddenly do my job for me.
EDIT: Spacing. (Yes, bad spacing *does* make us cringe)
#26
I'm an accountant. No, I don't actually enjoy talking about tax law on my day off, so your "quick tax question" that takes me 30 minutes to explain beyond 'that depends...' is really annoying at a family BBQ.
#27
Storyboard artist in the animation industry. Making cartoons isn't playtime. My position in particular is demanding, physically exhausting, and under-appreciated. On top of that, it is more "cog in the machine" work than "creative fulfillment." My faith in my work is tested constantly.
And I am not the only one who feels like this. Virtually every artist I know always thinks about changing careers or retiring all-together. It's a hard job, and it really doesn't have to be, but... it is.
#28
That working in the film industry and especially doing what i do which is directly on set is glamourous.
Let me tell you its the opposite of glamour.
14 hour days , 6 days a week, sh**ty weather, sh**ty actors, sh**ty director, sh**ty crew ( of which I am part of), sh**tymembers of public trying to get photos and asking dumb questions, sh**ty mud, sh**ty creative types making delusional demands etc.
But there are some fun things
good food, good pay and filming sex scenes is hilarious.
#29
QA tester here. We find glitches/ bugs all the time. But it is impossible to find every one. But some that get through baffle me.
#30
1. Engineers do not design every cool thing in the world.
2. Most engineers never actually make all that much money.
3. Chances are, if you study engineering you will end up with an insanely boring office job, or an insane high pressure job working 16+ hours a day.
4. Not all engineers are super intelligent, quite a lot are actually below average intelligence.
What do you think ?
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Speaking from my position as a medical doctor? No, we can't tell what's wrong with you if you *do not tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth*. If you do drugs recreationally, even once a week, we need to know. If you go to hookers, we need to know. If you're not sticking to your diet and exercise goals, we need to know. Et cetera. We're bound by law to not discuss you with anyone but you, and whoever yous ay we can talk to. You lying will only make your medical treatment less accurate, less helpful, and more frustrating for everyone. We *can't know* what we're not told. On an average day, during Covid, I'd see over 2 dozen people a shift, sometimes over 3 dozen, in an ER. About half would lie. Like we can't tell a needle track from a cat scratch?... Oy.
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
You know I’m with you on that one! Please tell us everything. We do not judge. At all. That’s not part of our jobs. We genuinely want to help you. If you have drug issues we definitely need to know. If you’re having surgery we need to know so we can keep you comfortable. We have pain control specialists, so there are plenty of ways we can do that. Also, if we aren’t aware that withdrawal could be an issue, we need to know that. If you aren’t truthful about how much you drink, and we encounter withdrawal we and you are going to have a serious, possibly life threatening issue. We aren’t going to judge. What we are going to do is give you medications before and after surgery that prevent withdrawl. We will thank you profusely for telling us.
Load More Replies...
Little Wonder 2 years ago
Moderator. No your comment wasn't removed to hide your opinion, to censor you or because the company is hiding the truth about poor service or products - it's entirely because you said f**k. Don't say f**k, and repost.
Owen Jarvis 2 years ago
Just add my own asterisks now. I don't want to offend anyone, and everyone that isn't offended knows what I'm saying anyway.
Load More Replies...
Charles Whittaker 2 years ago
As a bus driver, can I say we don’t know what happened to the bus in front and we don’t know when your bus will arrive (if we say ‘it’s right behind’ that’s because we need to get on our way. Also the chances of us knowing street names are slim as we’re unlikely to live there and there’s a lot of streets on the many routes we drive. Oh and if you hit your head on the mirror on your way out, please put it back
Brindle Nutter 2 years ago
I'm a paralegal at a firm, but I don't like letting people know. No I can't do your divorce for you, no I can't predict the outcome of your cousins criminal trial, no I can't make Jethro pay you back for the weed to got from you....also, im not a licensed attorney I'm the help.
Robert Rosen 1 year ago
Why are the woman and her dog in number 15 sitting in the middle of train tracks
No Name 1 year ago (edited)
Astronomy/astrophysics is not spending your nights physically peering through a telescope and mapping or cataloging by hand. Those days are more than a century gone. These days it's about 50% ad hoc programming and 50% slogging through writing that makes you want to claw your eyes out. You second guess and double check and very often cite every clause of every sentence, so it's impossible to keep your train of thought from derailing every other minute. And that state goes on for *months*.
René Studer 2 years ago
Most of these are pretty obvious to people with an IQ above room temperature.
Jared Robbins 1 year ago
I've been a roofer for over 20 years, I've also worked in a few different states, so I know there are things that are done differently in different climates. However, while in Ohio we had a job where a homeowner had their roof redone and decided to add 4 drywall screws to the bottom of each shingle, front and back, of the house. New homeowner has leaked everywhere because the screws rusted through. The plywood had, obviously, hundreds of nail holes, but also hundreds of screw holes and almost had to replace all of the plywood. I think if we were in a different place where inspections are done, the cost would have doubled for that job. You can't put holes in your roof and not expect it to leak! The asphalt adhesive on the shingles is more than strong enough to keep it from blowing off, even in hurricane strength winds. Do yourself a favor, call a professional for your roofing problems and don't forget you have one!
Yolanda Kirton-Appleby 1 year ago
In response to the male nurse, u r ofcourse right but stating previous professions as paramedic or military medic does not preclude u from being gay. Guess what paramedics and military medics can be gay too.
Sonja 1 year ago (edited)
Call center agent. No we don't sit around all day waiting for someone to call. The calls come back on back and the expected productive time is at least 85-90%, which is higher than in any other job. It's also not work any trained ape could do or just reading scripts. It's very demanding work that requires quick thinking and high ability to adapt to rapidly changing processes. You need a perfect understanding of what the company does and which department does what, you need to know all processes and the general terms of service or at least be able to find information very quickly. The average call times are mere minutes after all. 3-6 minutes average handling times are not uncommon. You need to be able to type fast while listening and route correctly. You need high affinity to different software. It's hard and demanding work. During COVID I saw lots of 'skilled professionals' trying to use cs jobs as an easy way to bridge tempor unemployment. Most of them burnt out like strawfire.
Ash Conner 1 year ago
As someone who has worked in restaurants, I would like to say that servers, cashiers and host do alot more then what you see they do. It is called side work. Nobody just stands there and that is it. It takes alot. Some restaurants exploit employees having them do alot more then their job descriptions and do not pay enough. Example, if a waitress is making 2.35 an hour but ends up deep cleaning, running in the back to help cooks, washing dishes, and then some. I am not saying everywhere does this, but I have seen alot. Also, I have worked at many restaurants that do not train employees on any health and sanitation, or customer service, and sometimes not even with their own procedures. Don't even go by if a restaurant just looks clean either. The front cold looks clean but the wait staff is buying tables and cashing out without washing their hands before running food to your table. Ten you can go in the back to the cooler and see raw chicken defrosting over ready to eat foods and more.
BravePanda 1 year ago
I am a clothing reseller. We don't "take clothes from the poor." I have an encyclopedic knowledge of clothing brands and styles, I find the most valuable items for resale and extend their life cycle. In the US, 83% of all donated clothing goes to landfill. The clothes that I find are usually one step from being chopped up for textile reuse, or put into the waste stream. There are a lot of great clothes that I don't buy due to low resale value, many of those items have another 3-5 years of use left in them.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Speaking from my position as a medical doctor? No, we can't tell what's wrong with you if you *do not tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth*. If you do drugs recreationally, even once a week, we need to know. If you go to hookers, we need to know. If you're not sticking to your diet and exercise goals, we need to know. Et cetera. We're bound by law to not discuss you with anyone but you, and whoever yous ay we can talk to. You lying will only make your medical treatment less accurate, less helpful, and more frustrating for everyone. We *can't know* what we're not told. On an average day, during Covid, I'd see over 2 dozen people a shift, sometimes over 3 dozen, in an ER. About half would lie. Like we can't tell a needle track from a cat scratch?... Oy.
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
You know I’m with you on that one! Please tell us everything. We do not judge. At all. That’s not part of our jobs. We genuinely want to help you. If you have drug issues we definitely need to know. If you’re having surgery we need to know so we can keep you comfortable. We have pain control specialists, so there are plenty of ways we can do that. Also, if we aren’t aware that withdrawal could be an issue, we need to know that. If you aren’t truthful about how much you drink, and we encounter withdrawal we and you are going to have a serious, possibly life threatening issue. We aren’t going to judge. What we are going to do is give you medications before and after surgery that prevent withdrawl. We will thank you profusely for telling us.
Load More Replies... Little Wonder 2 years ago
Moderator. No your comment wasn't removed to hide your opinion, to censor you or because the company is hiding the truth about poor service or products - it's entirely because you said f**k. Don't say f**k, and repost.
Owen Jarvis 2 years ago
Just add my own asterisks now. I don't want to offend anyone, and everyone that isn't offended knows what I'm saying anyway.
Load More Replies... Charles Whittaker 2 years ago
As a bus driver, can I say we don’t know what happened to the bus in front and we don’t know when your bus will arrive (if we say ‘it’s right behind’ that’s because we need to get on our way. Also the chances of us knowing street names are slim as we’re unlikely to live there and there’s a lot of streets on the many routes we drive. Oh and if you hit your head on the mirror on your way out, please put it back
Brindle Nutter 2 years ago
I'm a paralegal at a firm, but I don't like letting people know. No I can't do your divorce for you, no I can't predict the outcome of your cousins criminal trial, no I can't make Jethro pay you back for the weed to got from you....also, im not a licensed attorney I'm the help.
Robert Rosen 1 year ago
Why are the woman and her dog in number 15 sitting in the middle of train tracks
No Name 1 year ago (edited)
Astronomy/astrophysics is not spending your nights physically peering through a telescope and mapping or cataloging by hand. Those days are more than a century gone. These days it's about 50% ad hoc programming and 50% slogging through writing that makes you want to claw your eyes out. You second guess and double check and very often cite every clause of every sentence, so it's impossible to keep your train of thought from derailing every other minute. And that state goes on for *months*.
René Studer 2 years ago
Most of these are pretty obvious to people with an IQ above room temperature.
Jared Robbins 1 year ago
I've been a roofer for over 20 years, I've also worked in a few different states, so I know there are things that are done differently in different climates. However, while in Ohio we had a job where a homeowner had their roof redone and decided to add 4 drywall screws to the bottom of each shingle, front and back, of the house. New homeowner has leaked everywhere because the screws rusted through. The plywood had, obviously, hundreds of nail holes, but also hundreds of screw holes and almost had to replace all of the plywood. I think if we were in a different place where inspections are done, the cost would have doubled for that job. You can't put holes in your roof and not expect it to leak! The asphalt adhesive on the shingles is more than strong enough to keep it from blowing off, even in hurricane strength winds. Do yourself a favor, call a professional for your roofing problems and don't forget you have one!
Yolanda Kirton-Appleby 1 year ago
In response to the male nurse, u r ofcourse right but stating previous professions as paramedic or military medic does not preclude u from being gay. Guess what paramedics and military medics can be gay too.
Sonja 1 year ago (edited)
Call center agent. No we don't sit around all day waiting for someone to call. The calls come back on back and the expected productive time is at least 85-90%, which is higher than in any other job. It's also not work any trained ape could do or just reading scripts. It's very demanding work that requires quick thinking and high ability to adapt to rapidly changing processes. You need a perfect understanding of what the company does and which department does what, you need to know all processes and the general terms of service or at least be able to find information very quickly. The average call times are mere minutes after all. 3-6 minutes average handling times are not uncommon. You need to be able to type fast while listening and route correctly. You need high affinity to different software. It's hard and demanding work. During COVID I saw lots of 'skilled professionals' trying to use cs jobs as an easy way to bridge tempor unemployment. Most of them burnt out like strawfire.
Ash Conner 1 year ago
As someone who has worked in restaurants, I would like to say that servers, cashiers and host do alot more then what you see they do. It is called side work. Nobody just stands there and that is it. It takes alot. Some restaurants exploit employees having them do alot more then their job descriptions and do not pay enough. Example, if a waitress is making 2.35 an hour but ends up deep cleaning, running in the back to help cooks, washing dishes, and then some. I am not saying everywhere does this, but I have seen alot. Also, I have worked at many restaurants that do not train employees on any health and sanitation, or customer service, and sometimes not even with their own procedures. Don't even go by if a restaurant just looks clean either. The front cold looks clean but the wait staff is buying tables and cashing out without washing their hands before running food to your table. Ten you can go in the back to the cooler and see raw chicken defrosting over ready to eat foods and more.
BravePanda 1 year ago
I am a clothing reseller. We don't "take clothes from the poor." I have an encyclopedic knowledge of clothing brands and styles, I find the most valuable items for resale and extend their life cycle. In the US, 83% of all donated clothing goes to landfill. The clothes that I find are usually one step from being chopped up for textile reuse, or put into the waste stream. There are a lot of great clothes that I don't buy due to low resale value, many of those items have another 3-5 years of use left in them.
You May Like 50 World’s Weirdest Jobs That Pay Out Quite Well 30 Older People List Once Popular Jobs That Have Since Vanished In 2024 Workers That Took Back Control Share Their Career-Ending Texts (New Pics)
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Dominyka
Related on Bored Panda
