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Like so many of society's biases, lookism — the discriminatory treatment of people who are considered physically unattractive — is something we're all aware of (at least subconsciously), whether we've been directly affected by it or not. However, it's one of those difficult topics that we often steer our conversations away from. Especially if we're the ones who are benefiting from it.
So, in an attempt to reignite this age-old discussion, Redditor u/ZeuslovesHer asked other users: "Is 'pretty privilege' real and what is your experience with it?" And unfortunately, many had stories to share. Here are some of the most memorable ones.
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#1
Yep. When I was in highschool I was not attractive, so my personality was seen negatively because I'm "weird". I had a bit of a glow up the summer after graduating and now I'm "quirky", "interesting", and "passionate".
Amy Pattie 3 years ago
Honestly I enjoyed being the weird girl and being left alone than growing into the “pixie dream girl” and getting the attention of mopey guys with nothing in common with me convinced I was everything they were looking for.
u/ZeuslovesHer said they came up with the idea for the post while scrolling through social media. "I saw people on Instagram talking about and being angry at someone beautiful, saying they get everything easy in life because they look good," the Redditor told Bored Panda.
After going through the comments, u/ZeuslovesHer learned that "pretty privilege happens everywhere, in all aspects of life, including the workplace and casual social interaction."
"[If you're at its receiving end], I think it can be useful in any circumstance. To get people to be more bendable to your needs, to help you more, to be more friendly, more understanding, more empathetic, etc."
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#2
Big time it is. I was a very unattractive teenager and the world felt like a very harsh place. Some people are openly rude to you if they don’t find you good looking. As I did grow into my looks and became reasonably good looking, not heading down the catwalk or anything but nice enough, boy did the world open up. People (mostly men) became so much nicer to me and just much more accommodating. Pretty privilege is very very real, having been on both sides.
According to scientists, those who meet universal beauty standards often experience social advantages and better treatment by those who perceive them as attractive. These unearned benefits are often described by researchers as "beauty premium," but the meaning is the same as that of "pretty privilege."
One study that decomposed the beauty premium in an experimental labor market, for example, identified that physically attractive workers are more confident, are (wrongly) considered more able by employers, and have various 'additional' skills (such as communication and social skills) that result in higher wages.
Essentially, unattractive people experience significant disadvantages in comparison to attractive people. In fact, some describe these disparities as comparable to the income gap between genders or ethnicities.
#3
Very real. Nightlife (bartending, etc) is good money, and they don’t hire people who are not at the very least conventionally attractive. I’ve been tipped generously many times simply because customers thought I was pretty. Mostly by gay men and straight women.
However, even if we acknowledge the existence of pretty privilege, is it something we can eradicate? u/ZeuslovesHer doesn't think so. "Unfortunately, I believe it's in our DNA to assess someone from the first moment we lay our eyes on them. It's probably just our genes telling us this is someone I'd be good to reproduce with, or someone I'd be good to be friends with, because their beauty might add some [social] benefits to my life."
"I'm sure a lot of it is subconscious. I don’t think this will change anytime soon, but I do think people are pretending to not care about looks, to be body-positive, etc. even though it's probably not how they actually feel."
#4
120% real. I have a sister who is conventionally attractive. Whenever we go to an open bar event, she's the designated drink getter, since the barmen will trip over themselves and/or each other to give her drinks, while ignoring the rest of us ugly plebs.
u/ZeuslovesHer revealed they are someone who is probably considered beautiful by the majority. However, the Redditor didn't realize that until recently. However, beauty privilege, according to them, might have a few disadvantages as well.
"First of all, everyone underestimates me when they meet me. They immediately think I'm stupid or that I never bothered with my education because I got things easy in life," they said. "That is not true, I worked hard, I paid for college myself, working different jobs and I graduated top of my class. A lot of people I met instantly resent me, especially girls, it's almost like they feel threatened or something, even though they have absolutely no reason for it."
"And then there is the really dark part of it, which is all the sexual harassment I had to endure, sexual assault attempts from men, since I was a teenager."
I guess, this proves there are two sides to every story.
#5
Very attractive, or formerly very attractive, people are used to being listened to and will go on and on about anything. Also, I’ve worked at several universities and the better the school, the more attractive the student body. I assume this is because attractive people get extra attention and help from an early age. They expect and are expected to succeed early on.
Claire 3 years ago
This is very interesting. I noticed that when I did my nursing degree. Our class looked like a bunch of models, every single person was attractive. It was also at a private college that cost big bucks. Later on when I was lecturing at a public university, it was a slightly different story.
#6
Yes. Was once obese and am now pretty good looking. The difference is night and day
#7
Yes. After losing a little bit of weight everyone started treating me better in general. It made me kinda mad tbh because I've never been rude to anyone just for being physically unattractive.
#8
I was born with a facial deformity and have since had multiple (10+) procedures to fix it. Growing up, people would literally stare at me, walk to the other side of the street, openly laugh, etc. At 12, I was at the mall with a friend when one of those childhood modeling services ran over and started praising my friend, looked at me, then went "but you're both beautiful in your own ways."
Now 21, apparently I've had enough work done that people are able to look at me because everyone is nicer, takes me seriously, and I get free drinks when I go out.
Yep. People definitely treat you differently when they think you're attractive.
#9
Yes. I'm ugly, and when I worked alongside more beautiful women it was obvious how much better they were treated.
RandomBeing 3 years ago
This pisses me off if I saw that happen I would wanna slap somebody so bad.
#10
It is real. I’m a good looking man that works in a technical field. I am very competent and certainly don’t get overlooked for it. I know plenty of people who are less attractive who do.
#11
I knew a girl who was a hostess at an 'upscale' restaurant. Her manager told her if any girls come in with a resume for a job, if they are unattractive/overweight to mark '110' on the top right of the paper. If you draw a diagonal line between the two ones, you are spelling out 'NO.
#12
I know a girl that was completely terrible at her job but the boss loved her. Kept getting promotions, bonuses, raises, and things like that when raises were frozen for everyone else. She ended up leaving her company to work at a more prestigious company...
Amy Pattie 3 years ago
Screw “stronger, healthier you,” those gym motivational posters should say “you could get a promotion without any extra work.” I’d run so much harder.
#13
Without trying to brag I’m a decently attractive girl. I have a bit of a natural prettiness to me BUT I’m also really good at doing my make up, hair, clothes. I work out a lot too so I’m in shape. These are arguably more important than natural beauty.
Yes there’s a privilege when you’re attractive. Guys will do stuff for me, trip over themselves when I ask for help, buy me drinks etc. Is it worth all the sexual advances and harassment? Sometimes. I get catcalled a lot, people think I’m a dumb pretty girl, other women get really catty if I say anything to their boyfriend/husband. I get a lot of overly sexual messages.
What’s really funny is all the privilege goes away when I’m out with my 3 kids. It goes from a bunch dudes going out of their way to help to the opposite. Although I still get catcalled when I’m with my kids, a little too much.
#14
Absolutely, the summer before my junior year I lost a ton of weight and when everyone saw me, I was 40 lb lighter than the previous year. I started getting more friends, teachers started talking to me more, girls were starting to notice me, etc. Now this could all be because I finally had my confidence up but it’s hard to tell.
The summer before my senior year I really dialed in and got into really great shape and that’s when I noticed a huge change. I was getting asked out by girls every other week until I finally got what would be my first long term relationship. Then I joined the Navy, gained maybe 20 lb in A school, and boom it was back to square one, no longer the guy everyone always wanted to be around.
Susan Bosse 3 years ago
Part of that can most likely be attributed to self-esteem. When you don't feel your best (physically, mentally), you're not going to innately be as outgoing and happy go lucky as when you do. Like attracts like, meaning when you are outgoing and more social, you attract like minded people and are more prone to drawing people to you.
#15
As a trans woman I gotta say that it is real. Depressingly so.
My experiences have been that even if people know I’m trans they are generally pretty nice to me in real life.
You can totally see this in how society views what is a “successful” transition. The trans women who are deemed to somehow always represent what it means to be trans are almost always not just Cis passing but totally conventionally attractive.
The trans women who don’t fit neatly into those categories get stereotyped as “failures”.
Demi Zwaan 3 years ago
Yeah, the fact that people call trans people "failures" because they don't look like attractive cis men or women is so weird. As if all cis men and women look like perfect men and women :(
#16
It's really f***ing hard to do any successful therapy because of pretty privilege, let me tell you. I have BPD and because of it, I have done and said some pretty f***ed up stuff. What is the response? Nothing that serious because look at me, I'm a cute and young-looking woman. I had one tell me, while I was having a breakdown because I've only ever been seen as "the pretty one" in my family: "I'm struggling to not tell you you're pretty, you're so beautiful!" I think she meant well, but not the time.
#17
Among cultures where I fit into that societies idea of beauty, people just give me stuff for no reason or give me passes if I have flubbed some requirement. Upgrades on flights, meals paid for, etc.
In areas where my look is not considered beautiful (Miami, Florida lol) I have literally been denied entry into a club. It really sucked. But hey
If you didn't piece it together, I have deep dark brown skin and stereotypically West African features. I was bullied pretty relentlessly throughout childhood, but that never really stopped me from liking my look. I did have pretty low self-esteem though.
When you are among people that think you are attractive, you are allowed to just live. If not, you find yourself being screwed with and denied access just because. I'm sure there is some element of this in many countries, but due to an especially narrow definition of beauty in the United States, it seems more pronounced.
BTW, there have been studies done on this.
Queen Jackson. 3 years ago
I’m a medium ish black girl (kinda the default black) but also west African. Same, girl, same.
#18
My attractive coworker and I were stopped on the same day, by the same trooper, for speeding. I'm a fugly dude, she's a 10/10 knockout. I was doing 81 mph in a 70 zone and got a ticket. She was doing 86 mph in a 70 zone and the trooper gave her a warning.
#19
Oh, I don’t know. Why not ask every POS who became instafamous for taking a good mugshot. Sure he shot up a theater, but he’s so handsome! Yeah he’s a rapist but look at those cheekbones! He needs a modeling contract ASAP!
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
I mean, SURE he constantly terrorizes only one city and murdered hundreds, but that SMILE!
#20
I invest a lot of time and money into my physical appearance for this reason. It sounds easy to say that you don’t need makeup to be beautiful and caring too much about how you look is vain, but when you’ve lived part of your life ugly and part of your life pretty you really do see plainly the benefits in all areas of life. If nothing else, you gain a lot of self confidence and that translates to everything including career ambition.
Especially for people who lack in other areas of privilege, you hang on to this one.
#21
Since I used to be fat and slimmed down I know what it's like to be ugly and what it's like to be seen as somewhat handsome.
It's definitely real.
#22
Pretty privilege is real, think Mean Girls where Cady was pretty much got handed over the top seats in the Girl World Pyramid seeing that she was a 'regulation hottie'. But I feel that even if you aren't born physically attractive, having a friendly face can make up for it. And it's much easier to attain, especially as you get older. Smiling and being nice shows on your face, and it does get people some perks!
#23
So there was this girl who used to be in my school. She looks absolutely perfect. Thing is, she shares birthdays with me so on my birthday, all the attention would be on her. Thing is , according to my friend who was classmates with her, she's a total douche so ik this isn't a personality thing
#24
When I used to live in LA, people often thought I was a model/actress and I typically found it to be a super fun, friendly city. I was in LA visiting family while pregnant and got acne for the first time since I was 14. People were so much less friendly, then got more friendly again only once my bump was clear. It was like all the nice people in LA reappeared.
Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis 3 years ago
Disgusting. i know a lot of times they're blissfully unaware and it's not their fault but it makes me mad that pretty people think the world is a lot nicer than it really is.
#25
Go on LinkedIn and look at any big companies' sales team/account managers...that's all you need to know.
#26
One word: Tinder.
#27
I mean I accidentally hit an older guy with a door at the gas station the other day as I was leaving. I immediately started profusely apologizing, and when he turned around and saw me he immediately changed his face and said it was okay and not to worry. I noticed his Bucs hat so we chatted about football, told him to enjoy his beer and avoid any more doors to the heel and I apologized again, then we went on our way.
I know for a fact had I not been a (that day presentable lmao) female, he was definitely ready to go off. So... sometimes it helps to have these big ol blue eyes hahaha.
Jess Thompson 3 years ago
I hate that feeling though, I’d rather not have the privilege than be shown man’s true shallow colours over and over again.
#28
I generally know that strangers will say yes to me or help me with stuff if I ask nice with a smile. I'm pretty confident in being able to 'cute' my way out of trouble, including with authority/security/cops.
Autumn Artemis 3 years ago
Sort of sounds like that thing from the Percy Jackson books- Charmspeak? Uh... sorry if no one has any idea what I'm talking about. ;-;
#29
It's actually been proven. Attractive people are more successful in life because of it (e.i they're seen as more competent with no evidence showing that they are when compared to their less attractive counterparts and so on).
I would offer some examples but it would all be anecdotal and if we Google it there's several links to more scientific backed ones. I would link some but I'm on mobile atm.
Florida, but without the beach 3 years ago
I worked for a staffing agency, the manager raged at us one day because we hadn’t found a position for a girl because she was attractive so it should have been easy to place her anywhere
#30
I've never seen an ugly waitress. I often have conversations with friends while eating out along the lines of "where do they find these women? Everyone in town except the waiting staff is ugly."
What do you think ?
Alexandra Davis 3 years ago
It works the same being disabled. Before I was a wheelchair user I was spoken to like I was intelligent and people assumed I had a degree and a good job (I did I was a teacher). Then now I'm in a wheelchair people will often ignore me and ask who ever I'm with things like "do they need a drink!" pointing at me and if they speak to me they do so in a slow and patronising way like I'm thick as two short planks. When I cut them off and explain that it's my legs that don't work not my brain, they act shocked and only sometimes embarrassed. One time I was in the supermarket alone early in the morning looking for something, this old lady comes up to me and goes (slowly like I'm thick) "have you lost your carer?" I was so shocked and annoyed that people assume I should have a minder with me, she was then shocked when I replied "no ive the hair spray aisle and I'm in a rush to drive to work" The lady had the audacity to reply "you're allowed out on your own, can drive and work?!" I was fuming!
Martha Meyer 3 years ago
Good looking people are treated better and perceived to be more competent by everyone, studies have shown. It affects men, women and children, even babies. It's a deeply rooted, unconscious bias ingrained in humans apparently. And it's very hard to overcome consciously.
Tami 3 years ago (edited)
I've seen studies suggesting that being attracted to good looking people is a evolutionary advantage. Symmetrical features, good skin and hair, good body shape, attention to grooming, etc., indicate health, skillfulness at obtaining resources, self-awareness, and other traits desirable in a good mate. Although in modern times, too many people go overboard with some of those traits and become narcissistic a-holes.
Load More Replies...
8Yorkies-and-57cats 3 years ago (edited)
Why stop at humans? At my shelter, only the cutest, prettiest cats would get adopted. I was even offered "beauty advice" for those "ugly ones" by a groomer. I resolved to never allow anyone who chooses an animal based on its looks to adopt from my shelter, and now I have specific questions to weed these people out.
Alexandra Davis 3 years ago
It works the same being disabled. Before I was a wheelchair user I was spoken to like I was intelligent and people assumed I had a degree and a good job (I did I was a teacher). Then now I'm in a wheelchair people will often ignore me and ask who ever I'm with things like "do they need a drink!" pointing at me and if they speak to me they do so in a slow and patronising way like I'm thick as two short planks. When I cut them off and explain that it's my legs that don't work not my brain, they act shocked and only sometimes embarrassed. One time I was in the supermarket alone early in the morning looking for something, this old lady comes up to me and goes (slowly like I'm thick) "have you lost your carer?" I was so shocked and annoyed that people assume I should have a minder with me, she was then shocked when I replied "no ive the hair spray aisle and I'm in a rush to drive to work" The lady had the audacity to reply "you're allowed out on your own, can drive and work?!" I was fuming!
Martha Meyer 3 years ago
Good looking people are treated better and perceived to be more competent by everyone, studies have shown. It affects men, women and children, even babies. It's a deeply rooted, unconscious bias ingrained in humans apparently. And it's very hard to overcome consciously.
Tami 3 years ago (edited)
I've seen studies suggesting that being attracted to good looking people is a evolutionary advantage. Symmetrical features, good skin and hair, good body shape, attention to grooming, etc., indicate health, skillfulness at obtaining resources, self-awareness, and other traits desirable in a good mate. Although in modern times, too many people go overboard with some of those traits and become narcissistic a-holes.
Load More Replies... 8Yorkies-and-57cats 3 years ago (edited)
Why stop at humans? At my shelter, only the cutest, prettiest cats would get adopted. I was even offered "beauty advice" for those "ugly ones" by a groomer. I resolved to never allow anyone who chooses an animal based on its looks to adopt from my shelter, and now I have specific questions to weed these people out.
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