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30 Times Pregnancy Became An Inspiration For Funny Jokes

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Want to learn about a real-life miracle? A trick that smashes any of Houdini's? A maneuver that's so majestical that numerous faintings are documented after its grand finale? Tell me, are you really ready?! If so, here it goes - the most mind-boggling yet very real miracle is *drum roll* - a pregnancy! Oh, don't scoff, the ordeal that a woman's body goes through to bear a spawn is truly astonishing, and if one thing should be named as such, it is the act of child-bearing. And, you know us and our idea of paying tribute to the most astounding accomplishments of human beings - by dedicating a series of hilarious jokes dedicated to the topic. So, here we are, with our mesmerizing, awe-inspiring, chuckle-inducing list of pregnancy jokes! However, if you are a heavily-pregnant lady and would like to proceed with this article's contents, be warned that some accidents might happen due to the changed arrangement of your precious insides.

So yeah, pregnancy is a great joy accompanied by tossing your cookies on the regular, the formation of the dreaded cankle due to general swolleness that you're bound to experience, and how could we forget the squashed innards and a belly the size of a prized watermelon. Surely, there's nothing you can do but laugh at your woes, and these future mom jokes are here to lift your spirits. Now, I can almost hear you picking an argument starting with, "Hey, don't forget to mention the bright side of pregnancy!" Thus, here they are listed - that elusive glow, luscious locks (that you are bound to lose once your baby has evacuated your womb), and, of course, a myriad of pregnancy jokes that could come only out of real-life situations.

Okay, we know that you might be experiencing the phenomenon known as "pregnancy brain," and your attention span might be the same as a pet fish, so we'll do you the courtesy of ending our babbles and inviting you to go straight to our list of the best mom-to-be jokes. Once you reach them, be sure to vote for the best jokes, and don't forget to share this article with anyone doing the same greatest trick known to humankind right now!

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#1

During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a fever.

144points

The Toast 2 years ago

lol

21points

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#2

(I am 6 months pregnant)

Me, after ordering my coffee:

Stranger at Starbucks: you know you should be drinking decaf when you’re pregnant.

Me: I’m... not pregnant.

Stranger: (horrified) I am so, so sorry!

And that’s what you get for giving unsolicited advice.

Diamond_Jax Report

139points

BetterBitterButter 2 years ago

I once heard two women talking where one was telling another how a guy gave up his seat to her on train as he thought she was pregnant.She wasn't. She said I felt bad at first but then comfortable so she took his seat. Also when I got transferred in my job I was confused about a new colleague whether or not she is pregnant but I figured it out when during lunch other colleagues were giving her free advice.

3points

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#3

"I told my husband to put the oreos somewhere I couldn't get them. So he put them on the floor."

mamerwin Report

132points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

That's inhumane!

22points

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#4

What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?

Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay, and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.

122points

It's Me 2 years ago

Birth control would be EVERYWHERE. You could buy it while getting gas. Hell, they’d have it in toilets in restaurants and bars. Betty White said abortions would be available at JiffyLube.

73points

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#5

How do you define pregnancy?

A nine-month-long hostage situation where you are both the hostage and the building.

114points

George Phucas 2 years ago

I am in a hostage situation right now

18points

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#6

People are giving birth underwater now.

They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s in the water, but it’s certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

103points

Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

Uh, yeah.

12points

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#7

"I ran to protect our new TV when the earthquake hit. My wife is pregnant. We’re having a conversation now."

PatCunnane Report

97points

Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

Have you been allowed to speak during this conversation?

47points

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#8

What is the most common pregnancy craving?

For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

96points

Jen T 2 years ago

I’ve never been around a man with a cold who handled it in such a way that I would want to be around them if they were pregnant.

30points

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#9

"4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant. I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said: "I never want to do that again.""

zoevsuniverse Report

93points

GoodWolf 2 years ago

Me neither, honey.

25points

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#10

“Stop saying, ‘We’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant! Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady-hole? No. Are you crying alone in your car, listening to a stupid Bette Midler song? No. When you wake up and throw up, is it because you’re nurturing a human life? No. It’s because you had too many shots of tequila.” - Mila Kunis

91points

Jennifer Biness 2 years ago

"We're having a baby" or "MY [S.O.] is pregnant," no, the one not actively growing a fetus is not pregnant

11points

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#11

Him: Is that a maternity top?

Me, at 3 months pregnant: It is!

Him : Are those maternity jeans?

Me, at 6 months pregnant: They are!

Him: Is that a bed sheet?

Me, at 9 months pregnant: NOTHING FITS OKAY!!!

mommajessiec Report

89points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

Scrubs?

6points

kcanded 2 years ago

I am and have been a plus-size woman. When I was pregnant I walked into a maternity store looking for pants. They didn't have anything above a size 18. I mentioned/complained to a store clerk (quite young) and she said just wear a size bigger. I was so PISSED! I didn't want to look like an elephant! I ended up wearing spandex leggings the rest of my pregnancy.

3points

Rabbit-Of-ill-Portent️ 2 years ago (edited)

I was happy, my daughter's father was a bigger kinda guy, I wore his shirts and boxers mostly

2points

mamafrog 2 years ago

My last baby, hot end to a long summer, all I could stand was one of hubs huge old tshirts (dress length on me) and my undies.

0points

AnIncognitoAsshole 2 years ago

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Lucy B 2 years ago

So true. Sadly, I'm the girl who cried wolf. Before I was pregnant, I used to say I have nothing to wear. Now the husband doesn't believe me when I say I *actually* have nothing to wear.

1point

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George Phucas 2 years ago

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Chris Jones 2 years ago

they're pregnant jackass, their stomach would be big no matter what.

2points

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#12

"Pregnancy hormones make you want to either rip your husband's clothes off or his head off.

There is literally nothing in between."

AnecdtlBrthCtrl Report

84points

MarmotArchivist 2 years ago

Why not both?

18points

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#13

Other pregnant woman: I like to do yoga and an hour of cardio each day. It helps me appreciate the wonders of what my body is capable of right now.

Me: I almost suffocated while trying to put my shoes on this morning.

saltymermaident Report

82points

DeeDee M 2 years ago

Don't forget the spots in front of your vision just because you walked a little too fast. That was a fun one.

2points

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#14

Me: What would look better with this, tennis shoes or boots?

Husband: It doesn’t really matter, you’re just going to look super pregnant regardless.

Me:

Husband:

Me:

Husband:

Me:

Husband:

Me:

Husband: I am so sorry.

Mirimade Report

79points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

Well said.

19points

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#15

They’ve invented a curved pregnancy test, so you don’t pee on your hand.

"Listen, if you aren’t ready to have pee on your hand, then you’re definitely not ready to be a mom."

78points

ButterflyMcQueen 2 years ago

As well as your face, clothes, and possibly your pets and anything else you hold dear

26points

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#16

"Yelp review for pregnancy:

1/5 stars.

Took way too long.

Overpriced.

Super uncomfortable & crowded.

Aesthetically just very bad.

No alcohol."

House_Feminist Report

78points

Marianne 2 years ago

Crowded! 😂 Yes, any body with more than one person sure is crowded.

14points

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#17

"Why do men say women are dumb for getting pregnant like she did it by herself?"

CelesteTheBesst Report

72points

Khavrinen 2 years ago

Because a lot of them are really bad at accepting responsibility for anything.

45points

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#18

"Took uber today. Driver looked horrified as I got in. "Which hospital? What do I do?" Just going to pick up my car, buddy."

smevaughn Report

70points

Shay Tracy 2 years ago

very wholesome imo

25points

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#19

"Bought my very pregnant wife some salt and vinegar crisps knowing how much she likes them. Then I ate them for lunch. If anyone needs me I'll be in a witness relocation program with a new name."

elhornet Report

69points

Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago

That's just evil.

17points

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#20

How many days are there in a month?

Each month has an average of 30 to 31 days, except the last month of pregnancy, which has 5,489,234.

68points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

5,489,235.

17points

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#21

"Started to get emotional because I thought I saw a dead bird in the road. It was a wrapper. So then I got emotional out of relief."

emily_bee Report

68points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Yeah, those nine months are a roller coaster. The next nine months are a different kind of roller coaster.

24points

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#22

"Being pregnant is the best way to get unwanted advice on literally anything."

Swishergirl24 Report

66points

DeeDee M 2 years ago

And weirdos touching you. Stop with the touching! Are you going to massage my uterus if I tell you I'm on my period with horrible cramps? Exactly.

3points

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#23

5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born.

5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool.

XplodingUnicorn Report

65points

Mere Cat 2 years ago

The baby does pee in the amniotic fluid. And drinks it, too. But the fluid is constantly being changed, new water appearing and old being disposed of.

27points

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#24

“People always say that pregnant women have a glow. And I say it’s because you’re sweating to death.” - Jessica Simpson

63points

Lucy B 2 years ago

Some of us don't glow! It's all a lie! I wish I glowed. Instead, I have skin so dry I rival a leper

14points

#25

"Being trapped in an apartment all day with a toddler while trying to work is an incredible form of birth control. Unfortunately I’m already pregnant."

60points

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#26

"For those wondering how far along I am, I'm at the stage of pregnancy where I can't look at a dog without crying."

DubsKenzie Report

55points

shae 2 years ago

If crying over dogs is a measurement, I've been pregnant almost my whole life

18points

#27

“Having a child is like getting a tattoo… on your face. You better be committed.” - Elizabeth Gilbert

54points

#28

How is being pregnant like being a kid again?

There’s always someone telling you what to do.

50points

#29

I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

With any luck, right after he finishes college.

48points

kcanded 2 years ago

For me it was 5 months for the first baby. After that I knew what it felt like, so I recognized it at 4 months.

7points

#30

If heartburn during pregnancy means you’ll have a hairy baby…

Then I’m about to give birth to Chewbacca.

48points

Crystal Claire 2 years ago

Actually, that was true for me. My daughter had hair everywhere; legs, arms, back, ears, etc. 🤣

1point

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#31

What does a pregnant woman say after she apologizes for her random emotional outbursts?

“Up yours and I hate you.”

26points

#32

My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

26points

Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

She's either a) lying or b) delusional with no kids of her own or c) on really goood drugs.

15points

#33

“I can smell electricity. I swear to God I can smell the TV.” - Amanda Seyfried

26points

Johnny U 2 years ago

Is that not normal?

3points

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#34

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

When the kids are in college.

24points

Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago

Personally speaking, "normal" sets sail during pregnancy, and never really returns.

9points

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#35

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?

Childbirth.

24points

Charley Harward 2 years ago

hehehehe

1point

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#36

Is there anything you should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

Pregnancy.

24points

It's Me 2 years ago

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#37

"Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative."

kentgrossarth Report

24points

#38

Waiting for this baby to be born is like picking up someone from the airport.

But you don’t know who they are or what time their flight comes in.

23points

#39

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

22points

Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago

They don't nurse with their teeth anyway. Most breastfeeding moms feed their baby when they have teeth (as they nee

0points

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#40

"I had a dream last night that an enormous woman put out a fire in a bell tower with her breast milk.

So the pregnancy hormones have officially taken over my brain."

someboysmother Report

22points

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#41

"I had a dream that I have a flat tummy again. I throw stuff on the ground, and pick up, and throw again, just for fun."

Handezen Report

21points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

It's good exercise.

2points

#42

3-year-old: Can the baby come out to play?

Pregnant wife: No, honey. She's not ready yet.

3-year-old:

Wife:

3-year-old: Babies are lazy.

XplodingUnicorn Report

20points

#43

"I just threw away my banana instead of my banana peel."

20points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

You don't have to be pregnant to do that.

7points

#44

"Yes, please whine to me about how tired you are today.

Are you growing a human? I didn’t think so. Now shut the hell up."

20points

nini 2 years ago

I really don't like this sentiment. You don't get to downplay others feelings and trouble just because you feel like you're having it worse.

3points

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#45

You know you’re getting old when your friends start having kids on purpose.

20points

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#46

"I am pregnant, which means I am sober, swollen, and hungry.

Approach with caution."

20points

Memere 2 years ago

This needs to be on a maternity t-shirt!

2points

#47

"My husband is over here like “pregnancy is magical!!!! Let’s have 3 more.” Okay you were chowing on chips while I was in labor screaming. Bye Jake."

lexiemamaa_ Report

20points

#48

Husband: Need anything at the store?

Me: Chocolate, chocolate chip ice cream.

Me 45s later: No ice cream, get artichokes.

Me now: Get both.

WhoaPregnancy Report

20points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

and orange marmalade and smoked oysters.

1point

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#49

"My husband stopped, stared at my belly, and said "wow you look super pregnant" while helping me get undressed. Just so you have an idea of how often he looks up from his phone."

wendylatte Report

19points

Adam Zad 2 years ago

The memorial service is tomorrow.

12points

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#50

"It's official. I no longer have ankles."

serenawilliams Report

19points

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#51

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?

Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s partner knows what’s good for them.

18points

Scott Crowell 2 years ago (edited)

The Model doesn't have to pee as much

7points

#52

"Oh you think I, an adult woman who has already birthed one child, WONT obsessively google “can you be so pregnant you actually explode?” Because I gotta tell you I already did"

18points

#53

"I'm a pregnant woman with 3 kids whose grocery delivery order was missing half of what I ordered.

Including the ice cream.

Do NOT cross me."

18points

#54

"I'm 9m pregnant and was at the eye Dr. yesterday. I asked the man next to me what time it was because my eyes were dilating and I couldn't see the clock. The only thing he heard was "dilating" and he instantly jumped and started to panic because he thought I was going into labor."

aissalanis Report

18points

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#55

"My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn."

FullMetalMommy Report

18points

#56

How do you say unintended pregnancy in German?

Kinder surprise.

17points

#57

Don’t fear childbirth.

That’s the easy part. They don’t give you drugs to get you through motherhood.

17points

Lady B 2 years ago

They should

1point

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#58

“Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.” - Rita Rudner

17points

mamafrog 2 years ago

And dance on your full bladder and stick their fist in your spleen, at the same time.

0points

#59

"5 Stages of Pregnancy:

1: Crying.

2: Peeing.

3: Crying because you peed.

4: Peeing because you're crying.

5: The toilet is your home now."

17points

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#60

"My wife and I went for a walk and halfway through she got scared that we left the baby at the house. It’s still in her stomach."

JeremyMcLellan Report

16points

#61

"Having a cold while being pregnant is like getting a parking ticket while you’re at the dentist."

KristenBell Report

16points

Mere Cat 2 years ago

I had a bad cold (pre-covid) in late pregnancy that induced labor. Having a cold during labor and AFTER it is ..something. Coughing and sneezing with your private parts sore and stitched up, and with very poor bladder control... :P Sorry for tmi!

13points

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#62

"I was reading to my kids today and in the story, there was a pregnant woman.

My 3 year-old asked: What happened to her belly?

I replied: There's a baby in there.

3 was horrified: She ate a baby?!

Sensing a good opportunity, I said: Yes.

Sleep well tonight, kid."

16points

Charley Harward 2 years ago

haheheehhehheheheehehhhehe

2points

#63

Woman: Should I have a baby after 35?

OB/GYN: No, 35 children is enough.

15points

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#64

"I am “someone on twitter told me to be the bigger person and I said I am the bigger person and cried” weeks pregnant."

chrissyteigen Report

15points

#65

"What do a toddler, a preschooler, and a pregnant lady all have in common?

We all pee our pants in public."

FullMetalMommy Report

15points

Judy Reynolds 2 years ago

You forgot the old lady!

4points

#66

"At that point in the final stage of pregnancy where after I drop something on the floor I say to myself, “I’ll just pick that up once the baby is here.”"

AndreaKBrooks Report

15points

#67

"I am "my husband is breathing onto my side of the bed and now I am googling local support groups for widows" weeks pregnant."

AnecdtlBrthCtrl Report

15points

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#68

"Expectant mothers have so much to look forward to. Like being kicked in the ribs from the OUTSIDE."

mommy_cusses Report

15points

#69

"If you ever want to overcome your fear of dying, you should just steal a parking spot from a pregnant woman."

FullMetalMommy Report

15points

Charley Harward 2 years ago

or a mother with no coffee

3points

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#70

"Today I dropped a pair of socks and they rolled under my dresser. I have decided I no longer need those socks."

14points

#71

How does being pregnant make you feel?

Like a superhero. Well, a really tired, weak superhero who wants to eat all the time and isn’t allowed to lift heavy objects.

14points

#72

Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

14points

Scott Crowell 2 years ago

Ha the dog slept in the bed more than I did.

1point

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#73

“Of course I can do this. I’m pregnant, not brain-damaged. My condition doesn’t change my personality.” - Christine Feehan

14points

Notyomama 2 years ago

Having read her books, I'm thinking pregnancy might have been fairly easy for her.

2points

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#74

“My doctor the other day was like, ‘I think maybe pull back a little bit.’ I was like, ‘Really? I thought I was doing great. I still fit into those jeans — I mean, they hurt when I wear them, but I’m still in them!’” - Drew Barrymore

14points

Charley Harward 2 years ago

hahahehehe

0points

#75

"One of the first symptoms of pregnancy is extreme exhaustion and I'm here to tell you it's not so much a symptom, as it is a permanent side effect."

xennial_mom Report

14points

#76

"I've reached that point in pregnancy where all the furniture starts to swallow you and you look like a turtle on its back trying to get up."

wildrainbow2 Report

14points

mamafrog 2 years ago

I still have a serious hatred for that kind of furniture and my last kid is thirtysomething.

0points

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#77

"I think I might be stuck in my bathtub..."

jparker856 Report

14points

#78

"Totally volunteering to get my feet washed at church tonight."

NicholeEber Report

14points

#79

"I know my baby is going to be an overachiever.

I reached my healthy weight gain limit in the first trimester."

13points

Adam Zad 2 years ago

Not to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet in three hours and 47 minutes.

5points

#80

“There’s a whole birthing plan, but what is the plan other than to get it out? I mean, there isn’t an option to kind of keep it in, is there? So I’m assuming my plan is to get it out. But apparently, there’s more to the plan than that. I don’t know what that is.” - Keira Knightley

13points

Charley Harward 2 years ago

ha mabey giving it away to you neigbor

-3points

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#81

“Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be.” - Carrie Fisher

13points

Scott Crowell 2 years ago (edited)

I think we all know how it turned out. aka Kylo Ren P.s. we miss you Carrie

4points

#82

"Kids do this neat thing where they wreck your body during pregnancy and childbirth, then blatantly insult it from the moment they learn to talk."

copymama Report

13points

#83

"Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried."

ToonieLane Report

13points

#84

What’s the weirdest stage of pregnancy?

When people aren’t sure whether to congratulate you or hand you some Gas-X.

12points

Niki A 2 years ago

Both, please!!!

0points

#85

What hurts even more than childbirth?

Having to sing “Wheels on the Bus” 20,000 times a day.

12points

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#86

What makes watching a Quentin Tarantino movie look like a Disney flick?

Seeing a childbirth video.

12points

#87

"I have reached the bargaining phase of pregnancy.

I have promised the baby a dirt bike if he will just come out in the next 24 hours."

AnecdtlBrthCtrl Report

12points

Carol Emory 2 years ago

Castor Oil! Worked for me Drank it at 10pm, went into labor at 4am, baby arrived shortly after 5 pm.

1point

#88

"The obgyn told me I was stylish. Not only was this a first for me, I’ve also been wearing the same thing the last three days."

FoxtrotJulietBr Report

12points

#89

"This baby is sucking the life from me. Drinking my water, making me dry. Eating my food, making me hungry. Taking my health, making me sick. Why do we create these monsters they want us dead."

chrissyteigen Report

12points

Cadena Norton 2 years ago

Six months pregnant. Hyperemesis with both. Multiple hospitalizations. I'm convinced my children try to kill me a little B4 they get out to establish dominance

2points

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#90

"I love seeing the change on a guy's face from sexual interest to horror as he's checking me out and then realizes I'm pregnant."

TheUnmaternal Report

12points

#91

"I finally got a day to sleep in but the baby decided this morning was the perfect time to start teaching kickboxing."

annakwhitmore Report

12points

#92

What size pants do you wear?

Leggings.

11points

Cadena Norton 2 years ago

Even they don't fit anymore

1point

#93

How is a pregnant woman like a toddler?

She outgrows her clothes every week!

11points

#94

Exercising while pregnant is like eating kale on your cheat day.

11points

Adam Zad 2 years ago

Always order kale with a silent "K." It tastes better that way.

6points

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Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

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#95

“Being pregnant finally helped me understand what my true relationship was with my body — meaning that it wasn’t put on this earth to look good in a swimsuit.” - Amy Adams

11points

#96

“I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha!” - Jessica Simpson

11points

#97

"Grocery store cashier: "Having a party tonight?" Me: "Nope, just pregnant.""

babyrabies Report

11points

#98

"Welcome to pregnancy, you now get winded putting on pants."

wildrainbow2 Report

11points

#99

Me: Let’s name her Éclair.

Wife: [pregnant] We’re not naming her after a donut.

Me: Technically, an éclair is a French pastry — not a donut. The distinction-.

Wife: Still no.

thedadvocate01 Report

11points

Crapounette Petite 2 years ago

It also means lighting

0points

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#100

"I will never take tying my shoes for granted ever again."

manda_wright Report

11points

#101

"That awkward stage of pregnancy where you just kinda look like a bloated seal instead of a human grower."

roseanna_casey Report

11points

#102

What do you call it when you’re unable to find someone to help you through your pregnancy?

A midwife crisis.

10points

#103

If you eat a pregnant girl’s food…

You’re required to have the baby for her.

10points

Cadena Norton 2 years ago

My x once ate my bread sticks while I was having a stress test. The monitor showed the baby got mad

5points

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#104

“I had this thing for Entenmann’s chocolate donuts. Somewhere during my pregnancy, I gained something like nine pounds in two weeks and my doctor was like, ‘You know what it might be? Are you drinking a lot of juice?’ I was like, ‘Yeah. That must be it.’ I was eating like a box a day of Entenmann’s donuts.” - Tina Fey

10points

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"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

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#105

"For real breathing heavy from mopping my living room."

Teeler44 Report

10points

#106

"I just spilled my cup of ice water and cried for 20 minutes then called my boss and told her I quit."

Colee_sayzs Report

10points

#107

"You're prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!

TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant."

MacAnnabella Report

10points

#108

"I used to think people overexaggerated about babies kicking. I've had a foot in my rib for 2 days now."

iheartjasminem Report

10points

Cadena Norton 2 years ago

Last week the ultrasound tech freaked out at how long the baby's legs r. Me and my best friend just laughed and said u haven't seen her father. But yeah it's not fun

2points

#109

"I walked into a bathroom stall, placed a toilet seat cover down and then flushed it. Then I walked out of the stall totally disregarding the fact that I still need to go."

Jennifereally Report

9points

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College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

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Internet Gives Unemployed Woman A Reality Check After She Expects Friends To Buy Her A Trip

Internet Gives Unemployed Woman A Reality Check After She Expects Friends To Buy Her A Trip

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#110

What do you give a new mom, so she’s ready for anything?

A diaper bag of tricks.

9points

#111

What part of biology class do pregnant women fear?

The sea section.

9points

#112

“That first pregnancy is a long sea journey to a country where you don’t know the language, where land is in sight for such a long time that after a while it’s just the horizon — and then one day, birds wheel over that dark shape and it’s suddenly close, and all you can do is hope like hell that you’ve had the right shots.” - Emily Perkins

9points

#113

“Baby brain is real. I should not be allowed to operate heavy equipment, including iPhones.” - Olivia Wilde

9points

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#114

“I never stopped burping. And I felt terrible about it, but there was just nothing I could do — I would be in the middle of saying something and I’d just start burping. It was awful. I felt like a frat boy.” - Katherine Heigl

9points

Carol Emory 2 years ago

I was standing in the courtyard of our university with my husband, two of his friends and a couple that we'd known for a long time and was expecting their first kid. I look away for a moment and hear a deep throated and very long burp. Turning around, I expected one of the guys to be standing there looking proud of himself. Instead, they were staring at the pregnant friend in disbelief as she stood there smacking her lips from having belched like a sailor. I just said "Geez girl! You nearly ruptured an esophagus there!" She smiled.

2points

#115

“Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.” - Jim Cole

9points

#116

Pregnancy: So you're going to be extra tired, and it's really important you get a lot of rest.

Me: Got it, more sleep.

Pregnancy: Ha! No.... remember those side effects we talked about? You definitely won't be able to sleep.

someboysmother Report

9points

#117

"Pregnancy brain made me forget the word "cheese" and this is a new level of betrayal."

saltymamas Report

9points

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#118

People when you’re pregnant: Let me hold that door open for you. You’re craving ice cream? Let me make it for you out of my tears.

People after the kid is born: OF COURSE YOU’RE TIRED YOU’RE ALWAYS TIRED I SENT YOUR KID GLITTER PAINT YOUR LIFE IS PAIN NOW.

thearibradford Report

9points

#119

"Well it finally happened in my 8th month of pregnancy, I just sat on a man’s hand and bag when he wouldn’t move them off the last spare seat on the bus. We’re now sharing a very quiet ride."

BrydieLK Report

9points

Carol Emory 2 years ago

I would too...A**hole.

3points

#120

2-year-old: *stares at a pregnant lady in church*

Me: She has a baby in her tummy.

2: *whispering* She ate it.

XplodingUnicorn Report

9points

#121

"I literally just pulled a can of Pringles out of my purse and said out loud to it "Oh, thank god.""

androidqueen Report

9points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

Who doesn't?

2points

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#122

"Joke's on me. I'm already not wearing pants and will probably spend the rest of today in my husband's Mickey Mouse T-shirt."

Oh_Mya_Books Report

9points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

Isn't it kind of crowded with all 3 of you in it?

4points

#123

*Whispers to first-time pregnant lady*

"Six years from now you'll be hiding in a closet, scrolling Twitter with dead eyes."

MomOnFire Report

9points

#124

"Went through my whole closet and put everything that doesn't and won't fit me in totes.. my closet is now empty."

McConnellJenna Report

9points

#125

Do I have to have a baby shower?

Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

8points

#126

"I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit.

I got tired of labor manuals."

8points

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#127

Teacher: Give me a sentence about a public servant.

Student: The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.

Teacher: Do you know what pregnant means?

Student: Yes, it means you’re carrying a child.

8points

#128

What should a joke have in common with a pregnancy?

A good delivery.

8points

#129

What’s better than eating for two while pregnant?

Shopping for two.

8points

#130

How to win an argument:

(a) Be pregnant. (b) That’s it, you’re done!

8points

#131

“Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife.” - Queen Victoria

8points

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#132

“If pregnancy were a book, they would cut the last two chapters.” - Nora Ephron

8points

#133

“God, my brain really goes to mush when I’m pregnant.” - Kate Winslet

8points

#134

"What’s the weirdest/craziest thing you cried over while pregnant?

1. Someone ate the last string cheese. I sobbed like I was at a funeral.

2. Because I was so grateful to be alive when So You Think You Can Dance existed.

3. Yellow cake."

HonestToddler Report

8points

Cadena Norton 2 years ago

The Gerrard Butler version of phantom of the opera had me bawling for 2 hrs

1point

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#135

"Recently my sister told her 3-year-old son (my nephew) she was pregnant. the way she broke the news was by showing him the ultrasound scan and saying “what do you think this is?”, and he replied, delightfully, “a fossil”"

madeleinecholia Report

8points

Cadena Norton 2 years ago

I showed my daughter. She said it looked like a walrus...she's 16

1point

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#136

"How far along am I? I’ve listened to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran 5 times today and cried at my desk over it. That’s how far along I am."

emily_bee Report

8points

Mere Cat 2 years ago

Done that without being pregnant..

0points

#137

"Forgot my own company's name while talking to a client."

7points

#138

Why did the run-on sentence take a pregnancy test?

Its period came too late.

7points

#139

You don’t have to study for a pregnancy test, but I’ve heard there’s a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.

7points

#140

Is there any reason for a husband to be in the delivery room while his wife is in labor?

Only if the word “alimony” means anything to him.

7points

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#141

Pregnancy is nine months of cheat days.

7points

MelonCloud 2 years ago

Except for when you get gestational diabetes.. that sucks so bad!!

4points

#142

“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.” - Joyce Armor

7points

Niki A 2 years ago

I am a five star general in that case....

0points

#143

"I've officially slept 17 of the last 24 hours."

rachepike Report

7points

#144

"Officially at the point where I am taking life day by day. I can’t commit to anything and if I already have please don’t hold it against me if I cancel."

7points

#145

"Went grocery shopping tonight which means I walked all over the store... here’s to hoping labor starts soon."

karacontino Report

7points

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#146

"7-year-old upon learning I am pregnant: "It's the breastfeeding that will get ya. Breastfeeding is killer.""

rachelheldevans Report

7points

Lisa Valen 2 years ago

Wise words.

1point

#147

"In my next life I definitely want to look like Ciara pregnant and not how I look right now, which is a hot swollen mess hahaha!"

kellyclarkson Report

7points

#148

"Currently playing an awesome game of "how many pairs of leggings can I try on before I find one that fits.""

AnneCutler Report

7points

#149

"I was just leaving work and I got in someone else's car. I was like wtf what am I doing."

rhonnniiii Report

6points

#150

You (a liar): pregnancy is a beautiful miracle!

Me (smart and honest): release me from this flesh prison!

6points

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#151

"It is so hard to feel sexy when I am just getting fatter!"

titta_02 Report

6points

#152

What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?

They both require chickpea.

5points

#153

How long is the average woman in labor?

Whatever she says, divided by two.

5points

Notyomama 2 years ago

I'm guessing this is from the same man that caught a 6 inch fish and tells his buddies that it was a whale of a catch. Meanwhile his wife is standing behind him holding up her hands to let everyone know how big it really was.

4points

#154

“In the pregnancy process, I have come to realize how much of the burden is on the female partner. She’s got a construction zone going on in her belly.” - Al Roker

5points

Aivaras Kaziukonis

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Jurgita Dominauskaitė

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

Monika Pašukonytė

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

What do you think ?

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