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There’s nothing fun about growing up poor, and people who lived such a childhood will probably tell you that. As of 2022, 11.5% of the American population lived in poverty. But you can live above the poverty line and not have a comfortable life. In fact, 29% of working people in the U.S. say they struggle to cover basic needs.
The life of a person who lifted themselves from poverty can change noticeably, and sometimes in ways they don’t expect. One person online was curious to hear from the formerly poor, so they asked: “Redditors who grew [up] in poverty and are now rich, what’s the biggest shock about rich people you [have learned]?”
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#1
Not. I'm not "rich rich", but my husband and I make well over a half million a year. That sounds like a lot until you learn that we live in Mountain View, California. He works at Stanford and I work for [social media company here]. We do well, we have no kids, and we save a lot of our income. I grew up super poor on and off until I was a late teen. Like, my father hunted for our protein and my grandma mended my brother's hand-me-downs for me. My husband grew up reasonably upper middle class, maybe bottom level of wealthy.
The biggest things I've learned?
(1) That "the desire to be rich one day" is itself a religion. A kind of religion. It's a dogma that we say prayers to. There are rituals around it. There's this almost spiritual believe in an "I'll be rich one day" afterlife of imagining one's post-scarcity paradise. In reality, once you get rid of all the things that drive you (by occupying much of your time and energy) you are left with your own demons. I'm a gay guy from one of the poorest parts of Ohio, and from a right-wing, Pentecostal family. Under normal circumstances, my needy kids, a job, a wife, and the stuff of life would keep my mind occupied. Freed of that, I've had time to unpack an incredibly painful childhood, which has not really been the paradise I hoped for.
Until I arrived at this place, this myth about "one day I'll be rich and happy when I have X amount of savings" was a lie. It was myth. It was like a religion that kept me working and kept driving me forward. One day, I reached the promised land and discovered that it's mostly sophistry. Happiness is the pursuit of happiness, it is in belonging to others, and in having a purpose to those we love.
(2) Miserable people are mostly miserable no matter what. Happy people tend to be happy no matter what. There are exceptions. Below a certain amount of income, the circumstances of life drain and destroy you. If you earn enough to "buy back" all that suffering (waiting in lines, crappy healthcare, clipping coupons, worrying about rent), what you're left with is a space where you can thrive. People born to be miserable c***s will be miserable no matter what. People who would be happy but can't because of poverty may probably thrive. And those who are happy will just be happy no matter what happens.
(3) Rich people, I mean REALLY rich people, really are different. Since I'm surrounded by SV wealth and have a few friends with 8 and 9 digit worth, they just are different. I have a friend in the 8-digit range. She is utterly obsessed with her "earthiness". "I'm just like everybody else." We were strolling down the street in San Francisco after lunch. She went on and on and on about how she's not disconnected from reality. Then, in one moment, she took a call from her husband, "Okay, well, just call 'Bob' and have him charter us a jet. We can get to Las Vegas in like an hour." I was like that Indian football coach meme staring at her. "Scuze me 'Marsha'. That statement was not a 'just like everybody else' statement. Next to nobody else ever says the words, 'Well, charter a jet' when getting to Vegas in under 4 hours becomes so inconvenient that they don't want to drive."
(4) No matter how rich you are, you are out of touch with some one struggling at a less entitled position as you. I'm not rich, but the luxuries to which I've become accustomed are hard for me to live without. (My husband works at a hospital and we have great [tech worker] insurance. So when we go to the hospital, we just go in and any doctor will see us. We fly mostly business class and anything other than that is quite literally painful.) Maybe you can't afford those things, but if --say-- you live in the US and have a house, food, clothing, and not much else, there's someone far worse off than you, somewhere on Earth. They're suffering. You're not. And the hardest thing about our reality is that there is only so much of our time and energy any one of us can spend thinking about it.
(5) The greatest joy you get from having money is the freedom from worry that it buys and the ability to do really great, kind things for your loved ones. It's nice being able to afford doing stuff for our friends and family. It's nice being able to not have to do so many of life's super annoying things. It's nice getting time away to go on vacation. Buying stuff? Not worth it for me. It's all about the time I get with my husband.
Amber White 4 months ago (edited)
What a great answer. I don’t even need to scroll down anymore. Cheers - to not investing into the things we can’t take with us after we leave this place!
RELATED:
#2
That rich people can afford to do things that save them money. Better health insurance and car insurance with lower deductibles. Higher quality food that keeps them healthy. Gym membership preventing future health incidences. Prompt car maintenance to avoid big repair costs down the line. Higher ed for better paying job….. the list goes on and on.
#3
How much easier it is. *everything* is easier. So much stress is reduced. You are never one paycheck away from being homeless. Something breaks? Replace it. Need something? Get it. Car always starts. Heat always runs. Bill comes I pay it. Kid needs something for school I get it. Hungry? Eat. Anywhere. Someone else cleans my house, fixes my plumbing, mows my lawn, and works on the appliances if needed. Everything is easier. I didn't recognize how much mental capacity these things take and how much stress it causes until I had enough money that they went away.
#4
That most of them are nepo babies..
My hippy-dippy ex owns several houses in a beach resort town.. she was an ESL teacher for 10 years and now teaches the occasional yoga class..
At one time when we were dating I asked her about our lifestyle..
"Oh I bought a house in Seattle. And then it doubled in price when I moved to another place.. I bought a house there in that place doubled"
"As an ESL teacher how are you able to buy a house in Seattle?"
Oh my dad..
She also has a sister who's never worked and lives a upper middle class lifestyle in Brooklyn..
She was always vague about how she's able to do it..
After 10 freaking years did she finally admit that they both got a huge inheritance from their grandfather..
I would go with her to the yacht club and talk to some of the other members. About 95% of them are all nepo babies whose family owned a business and they were born into a senior executive position..
Every single one of them feels they deserved it because they work hard..
I know two people who made it organically.. both of them are in tech.. both of them are worth a hundred plus million.. they're both super generous and getting back to the community..
But the arrogant dipshit yacht club member who's draped in Louis Vuitton that was born a millimeter away from home plate and thinks he hit a home run is active in local politics and always trying to screw over the poor.
#5
The freedom it provides.
Freedom to not spend hours mowing their lawn, laundry, cleaning their own car, grocery shopping... Freedom to eat healthy, freedom to prioritize exercise, endless list..
Those of us that don't enjoy this freedom sacrifice our few hours on earth performing these mundane tasks.
#7
Ok so I got a job as a software engineer, I didn't win the lottery or marry into old money or anything, but:
The first few years of working in a well paid career, I felt like I was going insane. It's hard to relate to your new co-workers when your hobbies are watching tv shows with friends and writing songs on a guitar your mentor gave you, and their hobbies are international travel, credit card hacking, and investing.
My former boss once mentioned off-hand that she pays all the travel costs for her family and then her husband pays her his half once a year, and they had traveled a lot that year and he was sort of shocked to find out that his half for that year was FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. Which he did have available to pay her.
At that time I'd been in tech for 6 months and was very proud that I'd scraped together a $2k emergency fund for the first time in my life.
Also, you get so much stuff for free as soon as you don't need it. My job paid for my monthly bus pass, my health insurance, even my morning coffee. That first job, they had a coffee shop in the lobby with two full time baristas that was totally free. Honestly, some of the best espresso of my life, and even when I had no money I was a coffee nerd. Two of my coworkers bought coffee at the coffee shop down the street every day anyway because they liked that coffee shop a little better. It was infuriating to be given all these perks that would have been life changing the second I was also paid enough to afford them without it being a struggle.
Something worth noting: if you work in a well paid field like that, watch out for the people transitioning out of poverty. They were massively underpaying me and I technically knew that, but it was still so much more than I had ever made in my life that I couldn't bring myself to believe the actual numbers for entry level tech jobs. If it weren't for the unofficial women in tech group, who did a salary sharing spreadsheet and helped a ton of people advocate for raises and eventually got salary bands implemented, I would never have been brave enough to ask for what I was worth, and since raises are percentages that can impact your pay for the rest of your career. I try to pay it forward now.
#8
I grew up middle class but had some quite lean years as a young man; then, through little fault of my own, I came into some money.
The thing that REALLY AMAZED me was how, once you *have* money, particularly well-planned investment money, you can *really take advantage of the tax system's many loopholes* and what seem like gifts to the idle/investment classes. When I was an hourly worker, it seemed like a *big* part of my income went to various withholding taxes I never saw and had little or no chance of getting back.
But once I had a few bucks coming in -- and a good tax accountant to see me through the incredibly labyrinthine US tax regulations and laws -- I was dumbfounded by what a relatively easy ride I could get.
I get it that we want to encourage investment. (I started my own business, my customers seemed satisfied, and I made some decent money.)
But I have to say that, when I contrasted my tax situation with my prior life as a 'working man,' I could not get over how much easier it was to *make money* when I already *had* money, a business, and -- perhaps crucially -- a good tax accountant.
The current system is not fair. It was created by people who already *have wealth* by people who really want those wealthy people to keep giving them money and keep getting 'favorable tax policy' in return.
I came from a conservative, libertarian background. But, look around. The people *with wealth and power* use that wealth and power to hang on to wealth and power.
Here's the thing, I'm a businessman -- and I know all too well that a consumer economy cannot thrive -- or even survive -- if all the money is redirected into the pockets of the already wealthy. We need truly fair, equitable, *progressive* taxation that shifts more burdens from the *employed* class to the investing elites -- in order to provide a sustainable economy that benefits *all* hard-working citizens. Not just the elites who pay for bespoke tax policies designed to enhance and contain wealth to the upper classes.
Bluonthefront 4 months ago
Trickledown economics has NEVER worked and will never work and the f'ing GOP needs to drop it.
#9
The richer you are, the more free stuff you get. Your account balances are so big that maintenance and overdraft fees are waived, and you occasionally get large bonuses simply for transferring some of your money from one account to another. Companies that are eager to do business with you provide you with free samples or even trips to their exotic locales.
The Phantom Stranger 4 months ago
Jay Leno used to complain about this frequently: when he'd go to awards shows or premieres and get gift bags worth literally hundreds of thousands of dollars, or simply when he'd be out to dinner and someone would want to pay for his meal. His response was always something along the lines of, "No! I'm rich and successful now; I can pay for my own meals now. Where were you when I was a struggling comedian living in the back seat of my car? That's when I could have used all this free stuff!"
#10
Your poor friends will kind of resent you for it. Never ever ever tell anybody how much money you have. It will only bring sadness and misery.
Also, the desire to become rich can be a kind of mental illness the is the result of being raised in poverty. I am not super rich. My net worth puts me in the top 10%. I have enough to retire and live the rest of my life in comfort if I chose to stop working. But I still feel this constant anxiety that I don't have enough or something is going to happen and I will lose it all and be homeless.
I think what we are experiencing in the US today is that the ultra wealthy billionaires have become mentally ill. I mean if someone is worth a billion dollars they could spend $100,000 a day for 30 years and still die with money. But all they can think about is 'how can I get 2 billion." These mental patients would rather destroy democracy than to have to pay taxes. It is madness what they will destroy to do it.
#11
When we had our first children (twins) we were poor. We went through the process and had two healthy boys.
A few years later I had a stable job with medical insurance when we had our third child.
Everything was nicer. They didn't push us out of the hospital so fast. All the basic care was the same, but I was shocked at how much better we were treated with insurance.
Avoidance_Panda 4 months ago
You should try a social healthcare system... I can't even wrap my tiny mind around the idea of paying for healthcare like that.... Although we could use one or two more dentists in the UK so it's not perfect...
#12
I grew up pretty poor. My wife insanely rich. In my house, your car breaks down, you fix it, or, take it to a mechanic to fix it. In her house, they would buy a new car. This dawned on me when our washing machine broke and I ordered the part on Amazon and an hour later saw she had ordered a new washer from Lowe’s. She’s gotten better, but her first impulse is just to buy a new one of whatever is broken.
#13
I would not say I am rich, more like middle class. Not worrying about bills like my parents did and not worrying about where food comes from is insane. It's like they (and us kids) were stressed all the time and I had no idea how freeing it is to not worry.
I can actually plan for the future, too. Wild.
#14
I went from $0 taxable income in 2012 to over $1M in 2022 so maybe i can answer this.
what’s most surprising is how everyone treats me so differently. my family thought i was a lost cause because i made bad grades and didn’t like church, now they say they’re all so proud of me and, and knew i’d always make it HA. some friends ask for money pretty regularly. i give them side work or contract jobs but they suck at working & have no interest in doing well.
you’d like to think those around you are just your friends - and i have those, but typically they’re doing good themselves.
this thread is mentioning how much time rich people save but for me, i only pay people to clean my house so that i can work more. my time spent in the office pays for the cleaners. so its not like im laid up chilling with people cleaning my house - im just working more. and i work a lot.
another thing, is that i spend more money on dumb s**t when i was broke lol. i still have this stupid zombie axe that was like $70 and i justified by like, being prepared? stupid. could have gotten a better axe from a hardware store for half the price. now, i’m hyper aware of every dollar even though i shouldn’t really be. i invest in the market, i have all types of side hustles in addition to my company and im constantly reading and listening to podcasts about the market, geopolitical events, and learning what things drive sectors. i’m deeply interested in creating generational wealth because all of my deep rooted childhood fears were created from poverty.
lastly i’ll say, having “f**k you money” shows you who you really are. i honestly thought i was more materialistic. and i know im not a “nice” person but i am absolutely a good dude, im solid. i have integrity & strong beliefs that aren’t about money. i just love to work & earn a lot - it’s fun to me.
idk if that’s an answer you wanted but it’s in my experience.
#15
Rich people eat a different meal for every meal and just like, throw out leftovers. Growing up, my mom would make a giant pot of tomato sauce and we ate it until it was gone. Breakfast lunch and dinner.
Sue Denham 4 months ago
Even if I was swimming in money I couldn't bring myself to throw out leftovers. Wasting food just feels disrespectful and wrong to me.
#16
I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, and it might not be a shock to others. But going on vacation. When I was a kid we just stayed home every summer. Never went anywhere, stayed generally within the same 200km radius of where I live. We didn't have a lot of money.
Now I go on vacation twice a year and I've been all over the world. 17 year old me would be in awe.
#17
How boring it is to be wealthy.
After a while everything becomes dull. 3 Star Restaurants, elite travel, parties, etc. it’s amazing at first, cause everything you dreamed about as a kid comes close to true. But over time, the parties are the same, travel just means you’re bored but in a new location, and that new plate with morels and asparagus foam isn’t even worth a second glance.
It’s so easy for your life to lose purpose. There is no work relying on you, no family you need to be the breadwinner for, no house to fix up, no lawn to take care of. You have no goals. You simply exist.
Some turn to golf, some to d***s, some to the arts, some to politics, some to philanthropy. Anything to fill the days and not think about the void.
This isn’t a complaint, nor should you respond with “the let me have all your money lol”, cause I get it. Of course, it is better to be rich and bored. What a luxury.
But it was surprising to me.
Ace 4 months ago
It doesn't have to be boring. Nobody's forcing you to only eat in Michelin starred restaurants. Travel, choose to rent an apartment (doesn't have to be cheap) instead of staying at luxury hotels, go out on the street and eat what the locals are eating. You have the luxury of being able to choose what you do with your leisure time, you don't need to waste it by only doing "rich people" things.
#18
I'm not rich, but I spent the first half of my life working class poor, the second half destitutely poor, and now am comfortably middle class (wow that is wild to think).
Many upper middle class and up folks genuinely believe they are working class or middle class or just getting by. I've had people getting 50k kitchen renos done by interior designers tell me they're poor. Or people with brand new cars they bought in cash. Or people who travel to Europe for weeks at a time, several times a year.
They will say things like "well I bought the car in cash but I had to save for several years to afford it" not realizing that a working class family could try and save forever, they aren't ever going to be able to afford a 75k vehicle in cash. Or "well the kitchen before was so disgusting and was falling apart, it had to be upgraded" not realizing that for actual poor or working class people, they just keep the disgusting kitchen.
I used to argue with these people when I was poor because I would get so angry at how clueless they were. Now I still get annoyed, but I've learned to just smile and nod politely and let them live in their "woe is me" world.
nottheactualphoto 4 months ago
I imagine that OP's current "comfortably middle class" phase of life is the third half.
#19
Shock is a strong word, but I didn't realize the social safety net rich people have. Growing up poor, we lived absolutely paycheque to paycheque (more accurately we lived borrowing against future paycheques) and it felt like we were never far from homelessness. One job loss, one prolonged serious illness, and we would not have been able to pay the rent and would have been evicted. All of my parents' family and friends were similarly struggling, so if we needed help, they would not have had much to give.
Now, as an adult with more money than my parents could have imagined having, we not only have substantial personal savings, but we also know so many people who could help us if things got bad. If worst came to worst, we have multiple friends with vacation properties that they barely use that we could move into. Not that I think it will ever come to that, but life is dramatically different never having to worry financially about a job loss, illness, unexpected car expense, etc.
#20
I went from my family being on welfare as a child, not having enough money for food when times were hard, to now; I may make 7 figures next year and close to that this year. (Most of my money I make in real estate). A couple things I’ve noticed:
1. It’s absurdly easy to make money when you have money. All rich people are essentially using a cheat code. They don’t necessarily work harder, they don’t necessarily work smarter, it’s just way easier to make money. The system is truly truly rigged in 10,000 different ways. The only hard thing is making your first million.
2. Time is the ultimate wealth.
3. Nothing is more expensive than being poor.
4. Do whatever you have to in order make enough money to be secure and comfortable and have investments. In the long run it is so worth it. Work a second job, go back to school, whatever you have to do. Save enough money for down payment and buy a house, just work like a smart demon for five years and buy that house with an extra unit you can rent out, things will get so much easier. Life is super long and it will be worth it I promise.
#21
They don’t work for their money; their money works for them.
#22
More like lower-middle class to upper-middle class, but it blew my mind when I realized many people I know now frequently pay to have their house cleaned, and grew up thinking that the cleaners being over was just a routine part of life. I was probably in my late 20s the first time I ever paid someone to clean.
Same with things like moving, painting, house maintenance, stuff like that. I'm at a place where it makes more sense to save my time and pay for many of those things, but anytime I talk to my mom and mention it she assumes it's something I'm doing myself, because it never would have occurred to her to spend money on that and for most of her life she couldn't afford it.
It's a pretty interesting divide just between the strata within middle class. .
DrBronxx 4 months ago
We have a guy come and cut the weeds and grass in our garden every few months. I actually hate that we do that, but I don't really have time. I spent Sunday evening/night trimming back some bushes, and it was exhausting. If 1) we had the money, and 2) it were up to me, we would pave over most of the garden, and have a nice patio with box plants. Much easier to maintain. As for inside, I can't imagine hiring a stranger to come in and clean up my mess.
#23
The doors and Ivy League education opens. The relatives who went to Yale could retire early, the friends whose law degrees come from state schools are DAs, struggling in private practice and low level corporate attorneys.
Also, custom designed homes don’t really cost that much more than other new homes if you have cash on hand.
#24
They almost have a very different understanding of how the world works (and often more accurate) comparing to ordinary people.
It's like the world is a game. And they simply have a far better understanding of the rules and hacks.
#25
While I wouldn’t call us rich, my husband and I are now both high earners so we definitely have way more money than I did growing up.
My mom was always good at making do and I didn’t really realize we had no money until I was in high school. Some of her ways of grocery shopping on a strict budget and making things when you can instead of buying them are still things I do. But we now get to do things like go on nice vacations. When our kids were younger we could pay for all their various activities instead of limiting them to one or two, buy them new gear instead of used, now we pay for their college tuition. The best part is the peace of mind- we don’t stress about emergency maintenance to our house or what if the car breaks down. We pay people to do yard work and have time and money for our own hobbies. We both still work full time but at jobs that give a lot of paid vacation time. I’m very grateful that I have been able to spend more time with my kids and with far less stress than my Mom did, but my mom is definitely a super woman and a lot of why I have what I have is because of how I grew up and how she raised me.
Colleen Glim 4 months ago
My girls thought store bought cookies were a treat because I always made them. Having the ingredients in the house and knowing what to do with them made grocery shopping that much easier. Ow that we have enough money to be “comfortable”, I have trouble working up the energy to cook/bake
#26
Money def buys happiness. But once you get a good amount, more doesn’t really matter unless you’re materialistic. Also, most upper middle class and rich people are lazy af and spend way more time than you think on leisure. .
Michael Hill 4 months ago
Enough money is sufficient. I rent a minute's walk from a beach. I use taxis. I eat well because I cook for myself. No credit cards, no loans and money available if I need it. Retired, I do what I want every day and have done for two decades now, having retired early. Excess money is like an albatross around your neck, needing constant attention.
#27
I grew up living on "struggle meals", sometimes went without eating to make sure my siblings had food, while my parents preferred to focus on getting high, stoned, wasted, etc. I made my first million a few years ago, and each year after that I've made even more money. At this point, I'm definitely getting close to the point where I could retire early if I wanted.
The biggest shock is just how much is available to them for free, or at a lower cost, despite them not actually needing things to be cheaper. My health insurance plan (USA) is cheaper now than it was even when Obamacare was in place to try and make things "affordable", and it's a far better plan too. At one point I was paying almost $400 a month to have full coverage on a car. Now? $78 a month.
Industry events? Trade shows? Top level networking events will have these extravagant goodie bags with each one being a couple thousand bucks in value. If there's food and/or drinks, similar stuff is going on... just a room full of wealthy people picking at prime rib, bluefin tuna, salmon, etc. S**t is wasteful as hell but nobody cares.
There's absolutely a point where you have enough money to pay for most anything but some companies will just throw s**t at you and say "Here you go, use this! Have this! I insist!" despite it being entirely unnecessary. It's f*****g weird.
#28
I’m not rich but definitely better off than I used to be. The biggest change for me is just being able to buy whatever I want whenever I want it. I don’t have to save up a few dollars per paycheck then decide if I still want the thing when I get the money. This is also a bad thing because I just keep buying c**p I don’t need because I can afford it.
Also, taking trips/vacations. Growing up my only vacations were to visit my cousins 2 states away, and I would have to meticulously pack for it because if I forgot something I’d just have to go without. Now I go on a trip at least once a year and I’m not as anxious about forgetting something because I can just get a new toothbrush or phone charger or whatever if I need one.
#29
I grew up in poverty and I'm now "comfortable" and surrounded by people who grew up in a different world to me. My colleagues don't understand why I still have a lot of anxiety about being able to afford food.
#30
I grew up with qualifying for free lunch in school, so below poverty line. My dad did everything from fixing the cars, changing oil, building the house, buying everything used, growing his own food etc. At a certain income level, it makes less sense do anything other than work. Rich people make so much more than everyone else, they just pay people to do everything. .
What do you think ?
Socks Thecate 4 months ago
I am not rich, but I had these revelations when my dear father died and left me enough money to pay off my mortgage. Suddenly I had the freedom if I wanted to quit a job I didn't like and spend a couple of months finding another one (I didn't). I had the freedom to get sick. I still do work and am stuffing as much money as I can into a 401K and I'm in my fifties. It made me wonder why the hell the uber rich are always wanting tax cuts and have their hands out for government subsidies. They don't live life on the edge like most Americans do.
Annik Perrot 4 months ago
The charismatic and shady French businessman Bernard Tapie once said: "If you owe 300 Francs (that was before the Euro), the banks will hunt you down mercilessly, but if you owe 300 millions, they'll be fighting to lend you more."
Socks Thecate 4 months ago
I am not rich, but I had these revelations when my dear father died and left me enough money to pay off my mortgage. Suddenly I had the freedom if I wanted to quit a job I didn't like and spend a couple of months finding another one (I didn't). I had the freedom to get sick. I still do work and am stuffing as much money as I can into a 401K and I'm in my fifties. It made me wonder why the hell the uber rich are always wanting tax cuts and have their hands out for government subsidies. They don't live life on the edge like most Americans do.
Annik Perrot 4 months ago
The charismatic and shady French businessman Bernard Tapie once said: "If you owe 300 Francs (that was before the Euro), the banks will hunt you down mercilessly, but if you owe 300 millions, they'll be fighting to lend you more."
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