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After Losing My Child At Birth, I Decided To Break The Taboo Around Child-Loss And Grief
After our son Phoenix died during labour, I began to document the relationship between him and his two living brothers through beautiful images created in photoshop, allowing my imagination to be brought to life.
Anyone who has lost a child knows, it leaves an indelible imprint on your life from that moment on. My life was split into the before and after, and in the loss community, there is a lot of talk about the ‘new normal’ because there is simply no going back to the person you used to be after losing a child.
More info: thevisualstoryteller.co.uk | Facebook | Instagram
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Shattered
I added a nod to Phoenix in photos, from our living sons besotted with a jar of glowing butterflies, to a teddy bear being sent to heaven on his birthday. These images helped make me feel like in some small way, he was still a part of our family, and showed the rest of the world, that he would never be forgotten.
Broken
When invited to take part in The traveling dress project, I realized it was the perfect opportunity to do a project on grief that would speak to a wider audience.
My son
I was on a retreat with other photographers at a beautiful old English stately home called Rooksbury Manor in Portsmouth England. The light-infused orangery filled me with inspiration and provided beautiful back-light and reflections.
If only…
I was aware that child-loss and grief sound like morbid topics, but I wanted the imagery to be beautiful, and help break the taboo. So many people have reached out to me over the years as I talk openly about our son, the love we have for him, and how they have been able to open up about their own experiences of loss and grief because of my honesty.
We love you, brother
By creating beautiful art and imagery that people can relate to I hope viewers will feel a kinship, a shared connection that may make them feel less lonely and isolated, and even give some the power to talk about something they may have bottled up inside. I’m not sure if I’ve achieved that, but hopefully, some people will relate to the feelings I’ve tried to convey.
The oppressive mist
I was surprised and honored after being contacted by an American author who wanted to use one of my personal images, a composite created for Phoenix’s 3rd birthday, for an upcoming book on bereavement and memory through photography. I think this shows the power that photography, and social media, can have. That someone I have never met, who lives on the other side of the Atlantic, has not only seen and been touched by my image but wants to share it to convey the feeling to others.
Birthday in the Sky
Whether you have experienced a personal loss or not, I hope you feel something when you see my images, and maybe in the future, you will be able to talk more openly to people you know about it, rather than trying to hide from a painful subject.
Lost
I now take commissions to create similar works of art, shadow photos, and storytelling images that bridge reality and the imagination for people from my Hertfordshire based studio. I hope that they will feel as strong a connection to the images I create from their own stories as I do from mine.
Family
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What do you think ?
Vicky Zar 5 years ago
The last one reminds me of this beautifull statue "the child that was never born". I lost a child too. My first. She died 2 weeks before her due date. You are right. It will never be like before, I will never be like before. Its a devastating experience.
Julia Weichsler 5 years ago
So sorry for your loss. You're a mummy nevertheless <3
Load More Replies...
Monika Georgieva 5 years ago
Sorry if you find my comment irrelevant, but the article really touched me. I'm really sorry for what you've been through. I try to look philosophically on such events and on life to comfort my feelings a bit with a reason. There's a belief some new age theories propose that we as souls decide before coming to Earth how to come and how to go. According to it the child's soul has agreed with the parent's soul when to come and go in order to help the parents learn things and so on. I used to comfort myself and believe in this after things happened in my life. My best friend and also uncle committed suicide. I remember the unbearable pain of my grandparents, losing their son after so many memories and my mom, losing her brother. Shortly after he came in a dream asking how's family doing and insisting I tell them to not worry and that he's ok. These days they talk calmly and openly about it, but still... they're not the same people anymore
Linouchka 99 5 years ago
I'm wondering about this topic. I've read many testimonials from parents telling stories about their very young kids telling them where they came from, how they chose them as their parents from above, how it was before their birth, where they were, etc etc. So, I'm now questioning the old saying that no kid choses to be born... Another thing I'm wondering about is this : I had an abortion 12 years ago (reasons are irrelevant), and now I just had a baby that's a few days old. I wonder if my son is the same soul that I did not allow to be born twelve years ago and came back to us, or if he's another one... Actually, I became pregnant just a few weeks after I asked this one child for forgiveness for not letting it be born, and begging it to come back to us (we were trying to conceive for almost five years at that time), and so I felt like the forgiveness was given and the child was the same. But I don't know for sure... What do you think ?
Load More Replies...
Vicky Zar 5 years ago
The last one reminds me of this beautifull statue "the child that was never born". I lost a child too. My first. She died 2 weeks before her due date. You are right. It will never be like before, I will never be like before. Its a devastating experience.
Julia Weichsler 5 years ago
So sorry for your loss. You're a mummy nevertheless <3
Load More Replies... Monika Georgieva 5 years ago
Sorry if you find my comment irrelevant, but the article really touched me. I'm really sorry for what you've been through. I try to look philosophically on such events and on life to comfort my feelings a bit with a reason. There's a belief some new age theories propose that we as souls decide before coming to Earth how to come and how to go. According to it the child's soul has agreed with the parent's soul when to come and go in order to help the parents learn things and so on. I used to comfort myself and believe in this after things happened in my life. My best friend and also uncle committed suicide. I remember the unbearable pain of my grandparents, losing their son after so many memories and my mom, losing her brother. Shortly after he came in a dream asking how's family doing and insisting I tell them to not worry and that he's ok. These days they talk calmly and openly about it, but still... they're not the same people anymore
Linouchka 99 5 years ago
I'm wondering about this topic. I've read many testimonials from parents telling stories about their very young kids telling them where they came from, how they chose them as their parents from above, how it was before their birth, where they were, etc etc. So, I'm now questioning the old saying that no kid choses to be born... Another thing I'm wondering about is this : I had an abortion 12 years ago (reasons are irrelevant), and now I just had a baby that's a few days old. I wonder if my son is the same soul that I did not allow to be born twelve years ago and came back to us, or if he's another one... Actually, I became pregnant just a few weeks after I asked this one child for forgiveness for not letting it be born, and begging it to come back to us (we were trying to conceive for almost five years at that time), and so I felt like the forgiveness was given and the child was the same. But I don't know for sure... What do you think ?
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