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“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having

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It’s safe to assume that we all have annoying traits; something that can drive others—our co-workers, for instance—or even us ourselves completely crazy. But something mildly aggravating is unlikely to do much harm in people’s lives, unlike toxic traits, for example.

Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently opened up about the latter, after one user asked them about the toxic traits they recognize in themselves. In their answers, netizens were quite honest, oftentimes detailing not only what the character trait is, but how it has affected their life, as well. If you’re wondering what toxic traits seemingly bother people the most, scroll down to find their answers on the list below.

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#1

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I tend to overthink a lot which sometimes makes me my own worst enemy.

mnbvyjdghhs , Nataliya Vaitkevic/pexels Report

Final score:

86points

DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago

I overthink everything and yes, it's my own enemy.

16points

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#2

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I am lazy af and procrastinate like a b***h. It's my worst flaw. It affects my health, my relationships, and is now magnified by my depression.

MilleniumPelican , Ketut Subiyanto/pexels Report

Final score:

74points

CherylTunt 2 months ago

That’s not laziness that’s depression

44points

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#3

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I don't communicate my needs and then get frustrated when they aren't met.

unisetkin , Karolina Kaboompics/pexels Report

Final score:

69points

Mia Black 2 months ago

I was there. Understanding and seeing that this is a problem helps to start practising to become better. It took many years but today I am not longer silencing myself to not be a burden and hoping someone will feed my needs. I also try to guess what needs others may have of they seem shy

16points

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#4

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I don’t set boundaries with people which leads to me becoming angry with them at a later date because they are taking advantage of my being too nice.

rando_mike , Ketut Subiyanto/pexels Report

Final score:

55points

DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago

Oh yeah, you gotta set boundaries and keep them.

11points

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#5

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I'm very cynical and mistrusting about peoples intentions. Always thinking they have ulterior motives when they're friendly to me. Basicaly I have no good faith in humanity.

alles-moet-kapot , Vitaly Gariev/pexels Report

Final score:

52points

TheBlueBitterfly 2 months ago

See, I'm the opposite. I trust too easily and believe people, playing devil's advocate against the people telling me that I'm just going to get screwed over. And then I get screwed over/avoided/let down and feel like an idiot. Every single dâmn time.

9points

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#6

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I dont always speak my mind for fear of being emotionally abandoned and it has NOT served anyone well.

thoughts_are_hard , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

Final score:

46points

ShaZam 2 months ago

you have to believe in yourself and that anyone who abandons you .... was never worth it ... and believe in that statement.

3points

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#7

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I am one of those people who will jump full blast into a brand new hobby but then promptly quit when it turns out I am not immediately great at it. This has led to a lot of credit card debt, unfinished projects, and unused stuff around the house.

edit: yes this is definitely due to ADHD, I've been diagnosed twice in my life but am unfortunately not currently medicated.

kgkglunasol , Porapak Apichodilok/pexels Report

Final score:

40points

ʁɨɂɥɒ 2 months ago

I am not diagnosed with ADHD, i thought it's just me being lazy or something like that

10points

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#8

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I create ridiculous situations in my head and allow my anxiety to control and cripple me. I'm working on it and actually making lots of progress but it's caused me many problems.

I also get incredibly defensive if I feel like I'm being looked down on in any way.

Edit: Definitely a self esteem thing which always makes you take a good hard look in the mirror. If you experience this go to therapy/start finding ways to build yourself up. It goes a long way.

Belmer13 , Juan Pablo Serrano/pexels Report

Final score:

40points

ShaZam 2 months ago

I totally get the incredibly defensive when you feel looked down on ... I have had to work on that myself. For myself, when I receive any criticization, it feels like someone is attacking my beliefs, my intelligence, and whom I am as a person. It's not easy to work on.

10points

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#9

I’m not good at cultivating relationships, reaching out to check on people, keeping track of what is going on with far-flung relatives. I’m not sure if it is a self-esteem issue or a self-protection issue. I vacillate between it being either one.

HOU-Artsy Report

Final score:

36points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

I often say that I do not burn bridges - I just let them rot and fall apart. But for one thing: all those people can check on *you*, too.

17points

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#10

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Narcissism. Didn't even know the term until a few years back, and then I started to learn all about it. Now I realise I have picked up so many traits, I am trying to unlearn them and be better.

hardyflashier , Miriam Espacio/pexels Report

Final score:

34points

Tempest 2 months ago

Having self awareness of one’s narcissism or narcissistic traits is actually one of the biggest steps in being able to positively combat the disorder. Most wth the disorder don’t know they have it and is just a menace to others which then inadvertently affects the unwell person as their relationships fall apart. So if you’re aware and can understand that you need some help, you’re way ahead in your treatment.

13points

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#11

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I don't talk to myself in a positive way. I've gotten better at it, but as the saying goes we are our own worst critics.

treehouseleader , Andrea Piacquadio/pexels Report

Final score:

34points

DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago

This. It's really tough when the voice is always negative.

12points

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#12

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Inflexible. I want to do things my way. Trying to learn to overcome this but old habits die hard.

workinghardyes , Antoni Shkraba/pexels Report

Final score:

32points

Michael Largey 2 months ago

"My mother only wanted one thing - her own way." - John Cleese

3points

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#13

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I expect people to treat me like I treat everyone.

In3briatedPanda , Mizuno K/pexels Report

Final score:

31points

Kristal 2 months ago

Can relate but I don't think it's toxic unless the reaction of when the expectation fails is toxic/abusive

8points

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#14

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I don’t talk about my feelings at all. It’s hard to know if I’m sad or mad about something.

Avocado-Toast-93 , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

Final score:

30points

Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 2 months ago

I wonder if OP means other people find it hard to know, or if they find it hard to know themselves? I wasn't free to express my feelings as a kid and now I struggle to know what I'm feeling - can take me a long while to work it out.

11points

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#15

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I’m very complacent, just because I don’t like making a fuss or making people feel upset. For example, if something is $20 but I get charged $25 i’ll just pay the $25 rather than even attempt to argue bc I don’t want to be rude to anyone. I need to get better at putting my foot down and saying no, or not just capitulating immediately.

Swiftstar2018 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

Final score:

30points

Tempest 2 months ago

This is me. So non-confrontational. And yes it has caused me losses like OP’s where I have paid extra, etc. Also has led to people walking all over me. I’m trying to change this.

11points

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#16

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I let anger take over. It affects my kids, my husband, me.

DesertSpringtime , Anna Tarazevich/pexels Report

Final score:

30points

Foxxy says Hello 2 months ago

This is me. I am very reactive when it comes to my emotions and can sometimes be irrational. I just don't/ can't think before I react.

4points

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#17

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I don't really say anything when it upsets me to try to keep the peace. Then all of a sudden, one little thing can make me become a total b***h which hurts my relationships.

Normal-Writing-8524 , Vera Arsic/pexels Report

Final score:

28points

Pittsburgh rare 2 months ago

Bottled up frustration tends to burst like a broken well.

8points

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#18

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Perfectionism that leads to an unwillingness to forgive myself for my own mistakes.

whistlepig4life , Tima Miroshnichenko/pexels Report

Final score:

28points

Red PANda (she/they/he/ze) 2 months ago

I always overestimate how little time it’ll take me to do stuff cuz I used to read really fast before covid brain fog settled in 😔

2points

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#19

I’m trying to work on it but I have a really hard time prioritizing myself when it comes to things like saying no to helping people or picking up extra at work when I really don’t have the mental/physical energy to do so.

Ok_Display_5985 Report

Final score:

26points

Thecoolbonnie 2 months ago

This is called a 'people pleaser' and I have been trying to change this for so long. It's like I can only feel good about myself if someone else does

9points

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#20

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Self-Sabatoge. Whenever I have expectations placed on me, I immediately fail at the task regardless of whether doing the task is good for me or not. Failing becomes a habit and confidence is shot. Then any goal becomes not worth pursuing. It becomes a cycle of self-harm.

Could_be_persuaded , Ba Tik/pexels Report

Final score:

23points

Edith 2 months ago (edited)

No. It goes deeper - you self sabotage because you have like a core belief - I am a failure. And to prove it - you always sabotage yourself. That's just one of the reasons, it may be different for a different person, but in general you have to dig for that core belief to understand ones behaviour. It's in subconscious level.

9points

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#21

Overthinking when someone has hurt me, I'll actually make myself sick doing it.

Dazzling-Toe-4955 Report

Final score:

21points

Michael Largey 2 months ago

Memories of being hurt are so clear that it's like you were wearing a bodycam at the time.

3points

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#22

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I can be very avoidant and self isolating at times.

Andromeda-Ultra , Juan Pablo Serrano/pexels Report

Final score:

21points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Yep, but sometimes it's just easier that way.

4points

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#23

Oversharing. I tend to yap about things about my life that many people can't handle, and I don't realize because it doesn't phase me.

FayntWinter Report

Final score:

21points

BookFanatic 2 months ago

Yep. I have zero filters and zero concept of what is and is not appropriate. Especially when meeting new people. I'm like a perpetual Golden Retriever puppy.

3points

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#24

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I think really badly of myself. Every day I tell myself how stupid, ugly, worthless, and undeserving I am. I think it throws my whole energy off and makes me attract people who agree with me instead of people who will love me and be real friends.

ivegivenallican , Liza Summer /pexels Report

Final score:

19points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Yep. Stupid, idiot, loser, broken, deficient... Depression is a m**********r.

5points

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#25

I interrupt people when I already know what they are going to say instead of letting them finish their sentences. I also overshare at times when it would be better to keep more things to myself. I also have a tendency to view the world in a negative light and assume the worst out of people.

Final score:

18points

Winter Eleven 2 months ago

The first sentence is an adhd thing

2points

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#26

I don’t take criticism well. It feels like I’m being told that something is wrong with me at my core. I struggle between feeling enough as I am and needing to make changes.

Emclerald Report

Final score:

18points

DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago

For me it depends on how the person communicates the criticism. Are they just pointing things out or actually concerned about you learning.

2points

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#27

People pleaser. It's called self-abandonment & leads to resentment.

So I work on saying how I really feel (nicely of course), & even if it's uncomfortable or awkward or could potentially make someone unhappy with me. It's so hard. I just want everyone to be happy.... but I deserve to be happy too.

what_is_fondant Report

Final score:

16points

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#28

I have really bad ADD and have a bad habit of talking over people. its not that I am not listening but I am also looking at the cute dog down the street.

glucoseintolerant Report

Final score:

15points

Jocelyn Webster 2 months ago

I've learned to embrace this, as a lot more people are being diagnosed later in life. I find it cute. We can circle back once the dog has passed.

2points

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#29

This is more flawed than toxic, but I'm very level; no highs, no lows, and it means I struggle to have empathy. It all feels a bit of an act. I've gotten better over the years, but I always feel like an imposter. Often I used to jump to problem-solving, to skip over the messy part, and fix it. But over the years I learned this doesn't help. Not really. There's a time and a place for that and it's when emotions are settled and stable.

Sometimes I picture the death of my parents, or a friend, just to try and feel emotions that some people must feel daily. This might make me sound dead inside, or depressed, but it's really not the case. I wouldn't trade it, I like it. But I'm not the best person to turn to in times of need. I just keep quiet, let them vent, and support them without judgement as well as I can. Sometimes that's okay. Sometimes people may need more, but it is what it is. There's no point pretending or being disingenuous. I'd rather people see a flawed authentic version of myself than a bad actor.

Final score:

15points

meeeeeeeeeeee 2 months ago

Seems odd that this person is acting like they don't know they're a pyschopath

1point

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#30

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I get angry when people don't like what I like.

woMen_littlebad , Karolina Kaboompics/pexels Report

Final score:

11points

Michael Largey 2 months ago

Well, then I guess I better like that about you.

2points

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#31

I have a tendency to overthink things, sometimes to the point of paralysis. It can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety, and it can also prevent me from taking action or making decisions.

shesaid21 Report

Final score:

9points

DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago

Yes, yes and yes.

2points

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#32

I never really have strong feelings about anything, I’m very apathetic, I’ve noticed recently that I also lie compulsively about little things sometimes.

I also have a pretty chronic inferiority complex and my baseline is to assume that everyone thinks I’m really stupid.

I also feel like I don’t love my friends as much as I should, I could quite happily never see most of them ever again.

SpiritualMayonnaise Report

Final score:

8points

meeeeeeeeeeee 2 months ago

sounds narcissistic

0points

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#33

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Dispensing advice like I have a degree in psychology... when really, I'm just a soap opera and coffee girl.

lika_klaar , SHVETS production/pexels Report

Final score:

8points

Aileen Grist 2 months ago

Sometimes it all people need. It can make them think and sort it out for themselves.

2points

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#34

I'm too self centered sometimes.

Impossible_Form_2826 Report

Final score:

8points

Papa 2 months ago

Recognizing it is the first step to correcting the behavior. People who never realize it aren't likely to do better.

0points

#35

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I am very controlling and inflexible with my beliefs.

I think this is related to my own upbringing with having a disability. I've had very little control of my life and medical/health/future choices. I have been shut down and made to feel stupid and like my opinion is worthless. As my parents age and lose control of me, I'm starting to make my voice heard. I also feel like it's got a lot to do with controlling outcomes and avoiding getting myself hurt by them.

As far as being inflexible with my beliefs, that I think is also a trauma response from not being heard or taken seriously by my family. Because I was always made to feel stupid and dumb, I made sure to always do my research before I opened my mouth. Therefore if I know you're wrong, I'm gonna fight til my last breath on it. The only way I'll ever change my mind is if they have compelling evidence against my own beliefs.

I am more than happy to relinquish control or change beliefs if people prove they're worthy enough for it.

Low-Maintenance1517 , Alena Darmel/pexels Report

Final score:

8points

Tempest 2 months ago (edited)

This is most likely obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Controlling nature with inflexible beliefs on the background of childhood emotional trauma/neglect is a key feature. I was diagnosed with this right away by my therapist. Despite having a medical degree and a love of psychiatry, I wasn’t all that familiar with OCPD. We all hear about OCD but rarely hear about OCPD (they’re not the same!). These people are also perfectionists and strict rule followers (e.g. I get easily annoyed with people if they break rules, even something as trivial as jaywalking instead of using a crosswalk). OP’s childhood background is identical to mine and my mom still tries to degrade everything I say or do, even if it’s something I’m well educated about (my medical career, etc). A lot of high functioning people have OCPD and therapy actually helps immensely.

4points

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#36

That I have a kind heart and that I tend to care for people who couldn’t give a f**k if I died.

Knightfall90 Report

Final score:

8points

Jocelyn Webster 2 months ago

This..

1point

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#37

I get very annoyed when people tell me basic information assuming I don't know it. If they were condescending or something then maybe i'd be safe. But no I am a massive prick when it comes to this. They are just trying to help but I always take it as "oh he doesn't know this, he's an idiot". I mostly blame my mum for this.

Final score:

7points

ColdSteelRonin 2 months ago

I work in a trade that involves multiple skillsets and whenever there is a new employee I'll tell them " I don't know what you know. I'm not trying to be condescending so if this is something you already know this is just to make sure there is a meeting of the minds."

1point

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#38

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I judge people too quickly and I'm really petty.

ULTRAPUNK18 , Sam Lion/pexels Report

Final score:

7points

Linda R 2 months ago

I was that way when I was young. As we get older, priorities change, and now the little things just don't seem as important. Plus, we tend to start recognizing similar shortcomings in ourselves and become more forgiving. At least, that's how it's been for me.

1point

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#39

I'm not sure what to call this but I have this thing where I cannot stand being around people I have nothing in common with whether it’s friends or family etc something in me is just so against “faking” like i can relate to someone for whoever sake on top of that I have an extremely low social battery unless im around people I grew up with.. its taking a toll on my marriage.

Livid-Wear-7164 Report

Final score:

7points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Maybe introversion, or maybe you just value your time.

2points

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#40

Autistic trait: I don't always notice the tone of my voice when I talk to other people. It may come out as I'm rude or angry.

Red_Hood_Rogue Report

Final score:

7points

Huddo's sister 2 months ago

I'm really struggling with a kid who does this at the moment. It's really hard when I'm trying to serve food or something and he yells at me or says something aggressively. Sounds like him being demanding but he can't tell what is wrong with the tone etc. I try hard to gently suggest how he could ask, and not get annoyed at him, but it is hard.

3points

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#41

Pride, sloth, cowardice. There, you got three for the price of one!

(edit): Self-delusion and a general lack of wisdom too. Gosh, it's like being sick - you think you're done then your stomach gives another heave...

Cheeslord2 Report

Final score:

7points

#42

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I can be very inconsiderate. I do care when someone tells me, but so many things that others want fly past me because I am too preoccupied with myself.

Orzagh , Andrea Piacquadio/pexels Report

Final score:

7points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Other people sometimes think I'm inconsiderate, but usually I'm either stuck up in my own head, or I actually *considered* what they said and just disagree with it.

2points

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#43

A lot of my friendships are solely based on talking s**t about people. I could sit with a likeminded coworker or friend and bash our other coworkers/friends for hours and hours. So judgy, all the time.

Redtember Report

Final score:

7points

Geoffrey Scott 2 months ago

You must be SO lonely, and unwilling to realize that those "friends" you have do the same to you when you are not around.

4points

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#44

Unreliable. I say I will do things with every intention of doing them but don't.

gargolito Report

Final score:

7points

Backtotheislands 2 months ago

I do this way too much. I sometimes wonder if I do it, or not do it in this case, as an excuse to feel even worse about myself. I feel so bad for my very tolerant husband. You are not alone. If you figure out a solution, let me know.

1point

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#45

The reason I am not in a relationship or seeking a relationship is because I am obsessive. I would literally do anything for my partner even at the cost of my wellbeing. I become clingy and overbearing. I don't make any effort to speak to anyone other than the partner. My reason to live literally changes from wanting to be a happy, independent individual into wanting to live to make them happy. I cannot trust myself to be in a relationship ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

NecroticTooth Report

Final score:

7points

ʁɨɂɥɒ 2 months ago

I wish you meet equally caring person

2points

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#46

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I give people the silent treatment when I'm hurt or angry. Toxic for me and them.

EmondaBlue , Timur Weber/pexels Report

Final score:

6points

Foxxy says Hello 2 months ago

I "run away". If my anger/hurt get really bad, I leave. Don't tell anyone where I am or going, don't answer my phone etc. I made a promise to my mum when I had a crisis moment in February, that I will call her, tell her I'm safe and an approximate location and she promises she won't come find me. I run away coz I need to get away from everything.

2points

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#47

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I'm not the best listener. I'm a major projector. I'm constantly talking about the past.

Natural_Collar3278 , Christina Morillo/pexels Report

Final score:

6points

john doe 2 months ago

Sounds like the nature of a typical conservative

0points

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#48

I get really snippy when I’m really hungry, overly tired, or overwhelmed with a situation and end up lashing out at others, especially my husband. I know this is pretty common but I really wish I could keep my cool better. I feel awful every time it happens.

inexplicata Report

Final score:

6points

BookFanatic 2 months ago

I get overly melodramatic when I'm hungry. Like, convinced everything is wrong and nothing will ever get better. Took me a while to figure out the correlation between hunger and "the world is ending." lol

1point

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#49

I talk wayyyyyy too much. I don’t even enjoy it, I’m just nervous. Always nervous!
Oh and I also try to make people dislike me. I feel safer.

fulltimeheretic Report

Final score:

6points

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 months ago

Sometimes it's better when people dislike you --you know where you stand with them.

0points

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#50

I'm stupidly paranoid.

I've never been cheated on but I always think the person I'm with is cheating on me, despite them showing 0 signs of cheating.

I usually manage to keep it bottled up but on the rare occurrence it slips out it's embarrassing to explain my reasoning.

NeedsItRough Report

Final score:

6points

TheBlueBitterfly 2 months ago

Hubs and I went through this. Out of nowhere he became very paranoid, constantly accusing me (without outright accusing me) of cheating, talking to other guys, flirting, looking for a new man, etc. Turns out it was the multiple antidepressants he was prescribed (effexor, abilify I think, and then his doctor prescribed Zyban on top of that, telling us it wouldn't interact with his already-prescribed meds. It did indeed interact.) Once he stopped them all, he was fine and felt horrible for accusing me.

0points

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#51

I tend to self sabotage by putting myself in questionable traumatising situations. Till this day, I can’t figure out why or maybe I do know but I am just in denial.

nox-viini Report

Final score:

6points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Um.

0points

#52

Fear of abandonment. I literally have like 6 months annoyed at my bsf because i'm not her daily chat anymore. She met a dude at the gym, they are now in a situationship ig and they text each other at every hour and everyday as if they were actually together and it makes me feel replaced. I am not being replaced and she has done nothing wrong to me, it literally is just me that is so scared is going to be left alone. its like ptsd but idk from where i got it lol.

LieFar5860 Report

Final score:

6points

Kristal 2 months ago

Fear of Abandonment is not toxic, it's a symptom of being abandoned (frequently). The RESPONSE to the fear of abandonment could be toxic

2points

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#53

I can be stubborn at times, even when I am aware that I am wrong. It's something I'm working on, but it's difficult to let go of the need to be right.

NoraMystique Report

Final score:

5points

Helena 2 months ago

It becomes a lot easier when you realize you're still wrong, you just now know you're wrong and clinging makes you more wrong.

0points

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#54

I get bored super easily & quickly. Whether it be jobs, any type of relationships, hobbies etc. That also means that i don’t have strong emotions or feelings towards something such as friends, partners, acquaintances, hobbies etc. Idk why Ig I just don’t like sticking to one thing.

Final score:

5points

Michael Largey 2 months ago

tl;dr

0points

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#55

I have an avoidant attachment style and I’ve been told by past partners that I’m too independent. Guess I should stay single lol.

wolfxiwtf Report

Final score:

5points

Helena 2 months ago

I will never understand that 'too independent' thing. I've been told that, I do not get how being able to handle my own life is a bad thing.

3points

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#56

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having I will find your weakness or something you did that was bad and hold it in my back pocket. If you p**s me off, which takes a lot, I will use it against you. I also hold grudges.
Other than that, I'm pretty good.

minnesotafrozen , Airam Dato-on/pexels Report

Final score:

5points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

I feel like if you're stocking grudges, that it probably takes very little to p**s you off.

5points

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#57

I talk about myself as a nervous tick and will fudge insignificant details to seem like my rambling has relevance. It's not big stuff just tiny stuff about my hometown and things like that. It started after I emigrated, I think it's an attempt at assimilating. I want to stop 😢.

Animated_Astronaut Report

Final score:

5points

#58

I start making mean af jokes about people when I don't feel like being alive 😭.

ohshitmb Report

Final score:

5points

Charley128 2 months ago

Sounds like Chevy Chase.

0points

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#59

I tend to crave affirmation, status, and recognition; life balances this out by saddling me with crises that prevent my experiencing them.

Bowmore34yr Report

Final score:

5points

Kristal 2 months ago

Yup. Maybe not so much status as the other two though. This is from being dismissed (your feelings or physically) constantly

1point

#60

I have poor emotional boundaries which leads to me being dependent on other's moods and reactions to feel okay which leads to trying to control them.

diagramonanapkin Report

Final score:

5points

Geoffrey Scott 2 months ago

In my case, I detect others moods and judgements, and HATE people, nah hate is too strong, I have no patience with those who are obviously fake cheery or too polite when I KNOW it is an act.

1point

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#61

Letting people walk all over me and have them influence my mood, feelings and decisions.

Stitchincoming Report

Final score:

5points

Tempest 2 months ago

Unfortunately this is me as well. I’ve noticed how other people really don’t think twice before making themselves heard, even if it involves snapping at someone for something extremely trivial. I had a very close friend of mine do this recently. She asked a common knowledge question, like at what time does the library close, from another friend. Other friend didn’t hear so I answered for her cause I was right next to her and she snapped at me saying “I asked X, not you”. I can’t ever imagine being so brash to anyone. I was so shocked (even the other person heard this and was shocked) and it was the turning point for me realising how people have always been this way with me and I never reciprocating to defend myself (in cases where I rightfully should).

2points

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#62

I ghost people.

straus_ya Report

Final score:

5points

jmmorris10 2 months ago

I have done this. To avoid confrontation. Not proud of myself

3points

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#63

I’m a terrible loser. I can’t enjoy any game of there is competition involved. It will upset me so much to lose. More so if someone is showing pride for their good performance— makes me angry. I was raised with expectations of always outperforming everyone. It’s not healthy, and I don’t like that I’m that way.

delgdocossio Report

Final score:

5points

Ordhaj 2 months ago

I had (past tense) a friend who was a terrible loser. He even got angry when he won ... because he felt we were just letting him when so he wouldn't get angry. And that made him angry.

0points

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#64

Even though I give everyone a chance, I am horrible about giving second chances. I used to be a doormat and just let the world walk over me, I think I over corrected.

No_Training1191 Report

Final score:

5points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Three chances seems like a good number.

0points

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Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

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#65

I'm irritable, and I have a hard time hiding that fact sometimes.

Bergenia1 Report

Final score:

5points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Oh my god, so toxic!

-2points

#66

It’s not toxic but it’s not healthy: hyper independence.

BobbLobbla Report

Final score:

4points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

I don't know. Sometimes you really can't *expect* that other people will have your back - at anything. Kind of a hope for the best, but prepare for the worst situation.

2points

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#67

I can be way too quick to dismiss other people’s opinions when i’m stressed.

PetiteMara Report

Final score:

4points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

This just seems like being human.

0points

#68

I'm too chill and "go with the flow" and it leads to resentment when I let someone walk all over me instead of setting a boundary.

Final score:

4points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

I don't think that's what "go with the flow" means....

0points

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#69

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Codependent. I'm learning that it's due to generational trauma. I finally re-started therapy and being honest with the therapist and myself (and others). I have many regrets, but I'm determined to be a better person and build the life I want and deserve. Codependents Anonymous has been very helpful for me.

Crabby_McCrabberson , SHVETS production/pexels Report

Final score:

4points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Yay, not me! But, perhaps *near* me...

-1point

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#70

Apparently, if I really like a guy, I get really clingy, needy, jealous and possessive.

I know it's not healthy but my bf actually thinks it's hot so...doubt I'm going to rectify it any time soon.

midnightsunofabitch Report

Final score:

4points

Annabelle 2 months ago

This one feels like it could be scary for OP if OP DOES start to rectify it. Like bf could also be clingy, needy, jealous, and possessive, but maybe doesn't show it as much, because he doesn't need to. Just a thought.

0points

#71

When people I’m jealous of fail I REALLY enjoy it.

ImThePoopKing Report

Final score:

4points

Charley128 2 months ago

That's called Schadenfreude.

0points

#72

My moods aren't something I always have control of so some jokes I'll laugh at one day will also hurt my feelings the next time. I could be having a good day but sometimes my mood just drops. I hate this about myself and if I fight against the bad mood I just cry. It's hard to explain to my partner and it's hard for them to understand it's not their doing. Also, I'm stressed in loud social settings sometimes it becomes impossible for me to talk with people so it looks like from the outside that I'm in a bad mood or upset. I forget things to the point I'm convinced I never heard of the thing or plan. I realize often too late that I am the wrong one.

Impressive_Policy195 Report

Final score:

4points

Kristal 2 months ago

Op should look into bipolar or bpd, see if either one is contributing to the emotional "control" issue. I put control in quotes cause no one can control emotions, they can only control the reaction to them.

1point

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#73

I've had a tendency to be manipulative in the past, something I'm trying to stop doing.

Raski_Demorva Report

Final score:

4points

Kristal 2 months ago

You can do it OP! :)

1point

#74

I can be mean to perfectly lovely people, especially when I was high school.

sunshine_daisies899 Report

Final score:

4points

#75

Lack of an effort to improve.

Dead_meme_fan Report

Final score:

4points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Improve what? And why? We (in the U.S.) have a "striving" culture. Always more, more, more. Maybe you don't *need* to improve, but feel like you are "supposed to".

1point

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#76

I’m extremely vain.

To be fair I work very hard on holding my appearance to a high standard. I’ve been in the gym for a very long time and do work hard for the money that it takes for everything else.

But the vanity comes from a place of major insecurity and that in itself is majorly toxic as well.

I wouldn’t say I put this on other people though. But it can be an issue that comes out in different ways in romantic relationships.

calliswagg Report

Final score:

4points

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#77

I don't accept apologies and refuse to "be the bigger person" and forgive people. I treat people the way that they treat me.

Stranger-Tastes Report

Final score:

4points

Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 months ago

I'm not a "forgive and forget" type of person.... But I do move on...

2points

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#78

I like to argue. It's fun to me. It's not fun to other people.

agreeingstorm9 Report

Final score:

3points

Charley128 2 months ago

Had a friend the would argue about anything. Even things he believed in, he would take the other side to see if he could win. He was the type of person who wasn't always right, but he was never wrong.

0points

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#79

“It Affects My Kids, My Husband, Me”: 30 Toxic Traits People Admit To Having Me: sees missing kid notice
Notice: 17 year old with blonde hair, tattoo on shoulder, 5’7”, 230 lbs,….
Me: that’s really heavy for that height.

Puzzleheaded_Lab1626 , Ketut Subiyanto/pexels Report

Final score:

3points

Kristal 2 months ago

Aka: being judgemental

2points

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#80

I'm shallow. Like, REAL shallow. I hate it but can't fix it.

IMakeTheEggs Report

Final score:

3points

Serena Myers 2 months ago

If you don't have empathy, there is no "fixing it".

0points

#81

I’m jealous but I love the attention of others myself 😬.

Your_Fairy Report

Final score:

3points

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#82

I punish myself for being late, and then I punish everyone else for being late too.

tiny_mouss Report

Final score:

3points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Ok, this one is just dumb.

-1point

#83

Idk about toxic, but I act like "prey" for lack of better word In english. I'm extremely naive and easily gaslit lol. Hoping to grow thicker skin as I enter my ~~300s~~ 30s.

_Deedee_Megadoodoo_ Report

Final score:

3points

Serena Myers 2 months ago

By the time you enter your 60's, OP, you will find you don't give a flying posterior hole what anyone thinks.

0points

#84

Constantly checking your ex's social media even though you know it's not healthy. Let's just say I'm a pro at lurking.

CrypticCcauldron Report

Final score:

3points

#85

I’m a control freak, which isn’t good when you’re trying to figure out a co-parenting relationship.

KingJackC Report

Final score:

3points

#86

Too passive aggressive where people might not recognize it.

jstella118 Report

Final score:

3points

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#87

I detach from friends who get upset when they don’t hear from me.

Aggravating-Will5250 Report

Final score:

2points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

This doesn't make sense. You get detached from people who *want* to hear from you?

1point

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Miglė Miliūtė

A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

Ieva Pečiulytė

I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

I'm a Visual Editor for Bored Panda. I’m also an analog collage artist. My love for images and experience in layering goes well with both creating collages by hand and working with digital images as an Editor. When I’m not using my kitchen area as an art studio I also do various experiments making my own cosmetics or brewing kombucha. When I’m not at home you would most definitely find me attending a concert or walking my dog.

What’s a toxic trait you recognize in yourself?

Beak Hookage 2 months ago

I'm too much of a people pleaser. I'll go out of my way to help people with the least little thing. I do enjoy making others happy and people like that about me, but it also means I tend to put myself second more often than I should and is probably linked to my incredible reluctance to ask for help or even admit to having a problem. And being bad at standing up for myself. I also get really triggered by being condescended to (even if it's just in my own perception), which makes me get angry and resentful or miserable and anxious.

2points

Foxxy says Hello 2 months ago

I'm a walking toxic waste sign. I'm an oversharer, I'm a people pleaser, I'm emotionally reactive, I put myself down all the time and more.

2points

Kristal 2 months ago

Sounds like you may benefit from therapy. I say in sincerity.

0points

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BookFanatic 2 months ago

This was oddly depressing and reassuring at the same time. Like, I'm not the only one out there who does X, Y, Z. I'm not excusing it, but it's nice to know it's not just me.

1point

Sky Render 2 months ago

Apparently my toxic trait is that I just don't understand most social taboos and have a habit of forgetting about them at inconvenient times. It's not due to lack of respect, it's because I cannot fathom why they're a big deal to begin with. As in my brain cannot process the concept at all no matter how much I try. I can and do assemble fully cohesive models in my head for why these taboos exist and need to be respected, but it's basically an emulation layer on top of my default system and it can be overridden at will without any conscious input. Apparently this happens to a lot of neurodivergent people besides myself as well.

1point

kansasmagic 2 months ago

I wouldn't call that "toxic" but rather, as you say, a neurodivergent trait. Social games are often stupid and the "rules" don't make any sense.

3points

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Kristal 2 months ago

I am emotionally draining. I just ... need a lot of emotional reassurance. I have worked on my toxic traits over 10 years and, I must say, I've done pretty well. But after the massive abuse that caused me needing to work on myself, it's going to take A LOT for me to trust someone again in a romantic capacity ... and that "a lot' is sincere energy, actions, and words of love and acceptance. Yup. I'm going to be single for a while.

1point

Talking Raven 2 months ago (edited)

I have too many issues... I don't trust anyone anymore. I'm always complaining about my day. I don't follow through with advice, even stopping having councilling despite it being free at the time. I f*****g hate my father. I feel trapped in my marriage. Stopping taking anti-depressants and I've nearly gone out to kill myself about 4 times in past 2 years. Do these count?

0points

Roxie Carter 2 months ago

I hate complainers. I can listen up to a point, then I get impatient. Is there a solution to your problem? Do it. Is there no solution? Complaining won't change anything.

0points

Sojourner 2 months ago

Yikes. I show a lot of these traits, mainly from not understanding social cues.

0points

Ellinor 2 months ago

I was diagnosed with Anger-Issues when I was 11 years old, and I've been learning to live with it ever since. The only thing I found was to physically isolate myself if I get Angry during a fight (verbal fight of course, I'm deeply against physical violence) until I get calmer enough to talk about my feelings. It's hard but I make it work, the hardest part is feeling my anger goes to 0 to 100 in less than a second.

0points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Is it bad that I identify with, like, 60 of these?

0points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

...or does that just make me a typical BP user?

1point

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Austin L 2 months ago

To be honest....it might be a sign.

0points

Sojourner 2 months ago

I do too, so yes.

0points

wowbagger 2 months ago

Some of the comments on these were really disheartening. Jumping to global negative judgments about a person's character when they just made themselves vulnerable by revealing something they don't like about themselves is really not helpful. How can we ever improve ourselves if we don't feel comfortable talking about our own flaws and getting help changing them?

0points

Lavern Defazio 2 months ago

Thank you. I read only a few posts and moved on. Armchair therapists.

0points

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Susie Elle 2 months ago

I can be dramatic, kind of a 'woe is me' mood. Usually I know this, and then I tell people I'm being dramatic, which is true, but I'm also really tired of A, B or C or whatever it is I'm being dramatic about. And I find it very difficult to find meaning in the things I do, especiialy work. Some people really have that "This work is important" ethic, I just don't have it. I honestly don't care that much, what I care about is my hobby and friends.

0points

Tempest 2 months ago

I have BPD and OCPD and I can relate to about 90% of these people (not that they all have BPD or OCPD but several individual symptoms together can make them). I had depression first and now it’s more like dysthymia. In my childhood I told myself I can fix myself. What I did was bottle up all my problems and started living in a sense of an idealistic future in order to pull myself through school. It worked. Then came my uni years and the flood gates opened with things being a 100 times worse. I finally started therapy this year but I wish I started when I was first unwell. I probably wouldn’t have developed personality disorders and my depression would have been history. I encourage anyone who’s suffering to seek help in time. Please don’t try to wing it alone when there’s help out there. Be kind to yourself and your future!

0points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Dysthymia is worse than major depression in some ways. It's milder, but doesn't go away. I've been sorting through stuff the last year (in counseling) and I think that I had dysthymia since my teens. It would explain a lot. But it's mild enough and comes on slowly so you get used to it, and then "always mildly depressed" becomes a part of you.

0points

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Beak Hookage 2 months ago

I'm too much of a people pleaser. I'll go out of my way to help people with the least little thing. I do enjoy making others happy and people like that about me, but it also means I tend to put myself second more often than I should and is probably linked to my incredible reluctance to ask for help or even admit to having a problem. And being bad at standing up for myself. I also get really triggered by being condescended to (even if it's just in my own perception), which makes me get angry and resentful or miserable and anxious.

2points

Foxxy says Hello 2 months ago

I'm a walking toxic waste sign. I'm an oversharer, I'm a people pleaser, I'm emotionally reactive, I put myself down all the time and more.

2points

Kristal 2 months ago

Sounds like you may benefit from therapy. I say in sincerity.

0points

Load More Replies...

BookFanatic 2 months ago

This was oddly depressing and reassuring at the same time. Like, I'm not the only one out there who does X, Y, Z. I'm not excusing it, but it's nice to know it's not just me.

1point

Sky Render 2 months ago

Apparently my toxic trait is that I just don't understand most social taboos and have a habit of forgetting about them at inconvenient times. It's not due to lack of respect, it's because I cannot fathom why they're a big deal to begin with. As in my brain cannot process the concept at all no matter how much I try. I can and do assemble fully cohesive models in my head for why these taboos exist and need to be respected, but it's basically an emulation layer on top of my default system and it can be overridden at will without any conscious input. Apparently this happens to a lot of neurodivergent people besides myself as well.

1point

kansasmagic 2 months ago

I wouldn't call that "toxic" but rather, as you say, a neurodivergent trait. Social games are often stupid and the "rules" don't make any sense.

3points

Load More Replies...

Kristal 2 months ago

I am emotionally draining. I just ... need a lot of emotional reassurance. I have worked on my toxic traits over 10 years and, I must say, I've done pretty well. But after the massive abuse that caused me needing to work on myself, it's going to take A LOT for me to trust someone again in a romantic capacity ... and that "a lot' is sincere energy, actions, and words of love and acceptance. Yup. I'm going to be single for a while.

1point

Talking Raven 2 months ago (edited)

I have too many issues... I don't trust anyone anymore. I'm always complaining about my day. I don't follow through with advice, even stopping having councilling despite it being free at the time. I f*****g hate my father. I feel trapped in my marriage. Stopping taking anti-depressants and I've nearly gone out to kill myself about 4 times in past 2 years. Do these count?

0points

Roxie Carter 2 months ago

I hate complainers. I can listen up to a point, then I get impatient. Is there a solution to your problem? Do it. Is there no solution? Complaining won't change anything.

0points

Sojourner 2 months ago

Yikes. I show a lot of these traits, mainly from not understanding social cues.

0points

Ellinor 2 months ago

I was diagnosed with Anger-Issues when I was 11 years old, and I've been learning to live with it ever since. The only thing I found was to physically isolate myself if I get Angry during a fight (verbal fight of course, I'm deeply against physical violence) until I get calmer enough to talk about my feelings. It's hard but I make it work, the hardest part is feeling my anger goes to 0 to 100 in less than a second.

0points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Is it bad that I identify with, like, 60 of these?

0points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

...or does that just make me a typical BP user?

1point

Load More Replies...

Austin L 2 months ago

To be honest....it might be a sign.

0points

Sojourner 2 months ago

I do too, so yes.

0points

wowbagger 2 months ago

Some of the comments on these were really disheartening. Jumping to global negative judgments about a person's character when they just made themselves vulnerable by revealing something they don't like about themselves is really not helpful. How can we ever improve ourselves if we don't feel comfortable talking about our own flaws and getting help changing them?

0points

Lavern Defazio 2 months ago

Thank you. I read only a few posts and moved on. Armchair therapists.

0points

Load More Replies...

Susie Elle 2 months ago

I can be dramatic, kind of a 'woe is me' mood. Usually I know this, and then I tell people I'm being dramatic, which is true, but I'm also really tired of A, B or C or whatever it is I'm being dramatic about. And I find it very difficult to find meaning in the things I do, especiialy work. Some people really have that "This work is important" ethic, I just don't have it. I honestly don't care that much, what I care about is my hobby and friends.

0points

Tempest 2 months ago

I have BPD and OCPD and I can relate to about 90% of these people (not that they all have BPD or OCPD but several individual symptoms together can make them). I had depression first and now it’s more like dysthymia. In my childhood I told myself I can fix myself. What I did was bottle up all my problems and started living in a sense of an idealistic future in order to pull myself through school. It worked. Then came my uni years and the flood gates opened with things being a 100 times worse. I finally started therapy this year but I wish I started when I was first unwell. I probably wouldn’t have developed personality disorders and my depression would have been history. I encourage anyone who’s suffering to seek help in time. Please don’t try to wing it alone when there’s help out there. Be kind to yourself and your future!

0points

kansasmagic 2 months ago

Dysthymia is worse than major depression in some ways. It's milder, but doesn't go away. I've been sorting through stuff the last year (in counseling) and I think that I had dysthymia since my teens. It would explain a lot. But it's mild enough and comes on slowly so you get used to it, and then "always mildly depressed" becomes a part of you.

0points

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