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Family Keeps Berating Daughter’s Fiancé Over Career, She Loses It And Reveals His Earnings
Financial stability is vital. And couples need to be on the same page in terms of savings, expenses, and goals. However, there’s far more to a successful and deep relationship than just someone’s income stream. Trust, respect, passion, good communication—they’re fundamental.
Unfortunately, some parents put too much emphasis on their kids finding someone who earns a lot, instead of a person with good principles and a kind heart. Redditor u/RedBee7763 recently went viral after opening up about how her family looked down on her fiancé when they thought he didn’t earn much. However, she let the secret about his true finances slip one day and turned to the AITA community for advice on what to do next.
RELATED:
Even though financial stability is important, happiness and healthy relationships are more than just about money
Image credits: Ono Kosuki (not the actual photo)
One internet user shared how her family kept looking down on her fiancé, unaware of how much he actually brought to the table
Image credits: nebojsa_ki (not the actual photo)
Image source: RedBee7763
The story got a lot of attention and started an intense discussion
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
According to the OP, things have been tense, after she couldn’t take it anymore and stood up to defend her fiancé, whom her family had looked down on for years. Now, her parents are mad at her for having kept secrets about him from them.
On the flip side, the redditor’s partner is disappointed that she wasn’t able to keep his secret. “I’m stuck in the middle and don’t know what to do,” she wrote.
The reaction to the story was mixed. Many redditors reading the story weren’t impressed by the way that the OP handled the situation. Some thought that her fiancé would have defended himself if he had thought it important, so there was no need to step in on his behalf.
Others wondered why the woman focused on proving her parents wrong by highlight how much her partner earns, instead of talking about how happy he makes her and what a great character he has.
And while some thought it was wrong for the OP to break her partner’s trust, others pointed out that she must have been incredibly frustrated, constantly having to hear her family making fun of him. Others, meanwhile, were even more sympathetic to the author of the post.
No matter what happened, the core issue is that the post author’s family value people’s earnings far, far more than anything else. Don’t get us wrong, financial stability is essential: you want to have a safety net and to have more opportunities in life for yourself and your children.
Money issues are among the top things that couples fight about, so it’s essential they’re on the same page
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
‘Brides’ points out that the top things that married couples fight about most often are money, sex, and housework. So being on the same page with your partner in terms of finances is a great idea and will provide stability in the long term.
However, happiness in life isn’t just a product of wealth. Otherwise, you’d see millionaires and billionaires strutting around smiling and dancing all the time. More often than not, it’s the opposite. No matter how much you earn, it never seems enough. And with greater wealth come more responsibilities; as well as mistrust in others and the paranoia of losing it all.
True happiness is about developing meaningful relationships with your family and friends, finding purpose in your work, and giving back to the community by volunteering your time, energy, and cash. Not only that, many would argue that having good health is far more important than a massive bank balance.
However, when it comes to charity, it’s a good idea to focus on the causes that you personally care about, not what everyone tells you is important. According to the Harvard Business Review, you’re more likely to be happy from spending money on someone else, however, it matters how and why you give.
You’ll feel far happier about your decision to be charitable if you feel like you were free to make the decision, instead of forced into it by your peers.
The author of the post revealed some more background info in the comments
Many readers thought that the woman did the wrong thing
However, some believe that pretty much everyone was in the wrong
Others stood up for the author. Here’s what they had to say
What do you think ?
Sonja 1 year ago (edited)
My first reaction was to call her an AH. But then this had me thinking. He knew what happened, and he knew her predicament and how her parents treated her because they're AHs. They should have discussed how to deal with that together, as a couple. That didn't happen and it's their fault together. But he knew how much they pestered her and he must have seen how much it stressed her and hurt her. I myself know how ot feels when your family disapproves of your spouse. But my husband was at my side, comforting me and giving me strength. He did a lot to make it easier for me. I understand that he wanted his financial situation kept private. But he should have said something himself. Not because it matters, not because she would love him more if was wealthy. He should have said something himself to make it easier for the woman he claims to love and help her out of a horrible situation. And that's why I say NTA. It wasn't her place to tell, but he let her down and just watched her struggling.
Brocken Blue 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, it seems like he likes to play games with other peoples expectations. Which is all good when it’s just him alone, but it’s not fair to expect his fiancé to play his game with her parents *forever.* Parental disapproval cuts deep even when parents are ässholes. They needed to approach this as a couple, maybe plan out some easy responses she could have so they didn’t get into the hard numbers.
Load More Replies...
Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
If my partner asks me to hold something in confidence then that’s an end to the discussion, I have no right to question that choice nor shall I break her confidence. Our financial matters are never discussed anywhere but in private, we both respect each others choices and keep quiet. Why would I break that?
Sonja 1 year ago
Because your spouse stands by and watches you struggle, being abused and belittled by your family, doing absolutely nothing to help you defend him against people who you want to love him like you do, just because his little secret is more important to him than helping you get along with your whole family? I'll keep my partners secrets. But I know for sure he'd give them up in a heartbeat if it would hurt me otherwise. So would I was the situation reversed. That's what partners do. They don't stand by and watch each other getting hurt when it only costs them a word to stop it.
Load More Replies...
lenka 1 year ago
Soft YTA. Apologise to your husband and go low contact with your family until they learn to respect others.
Lucille 2 1 year ago
Agreed. OP is TA in the best way - she had good, loyal intentions to her partner and is fighting for the right team, but she unfortunately didn’t do it in the best way. Family straight up sucks.
Load More Replies... Sonja 1 year ago (edited)
My first reaction was to call her an AH. But then this had me thinking. He knew what happened, and he knew her predicament and how her parents treated her because they're AHs. They should have discussed how to deal with that together, as a couple. That didn't happen and it's their fault together. But he knew how much they pestered her and he must have seen how much it stressed her and hurt her. I myself know how ot feels when your family disapproves of your spouse. But my husband was at my side, comforting me and giving me strength. He did a lot to make it easier for me. I understand that he wanted his financial situation kept private. But he should have said something himself. Not because it matters, not because she would love him more if was wealthy. He should have said something himself to make it easier for the woman he claims to love and help her out of a horrible situation. And that's why I say NTA. It wasn't her place to tell, but he let her down and just watched her struggling.
Brocken Blue 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, it seems like he likes to play games with other peoples expectations. Which is all good when it’s just him alone, but it’s not fair to expect his fiancé to play his game with her parents *forever.* Parental disapproval cuts deep even when parents are ässholes. They needed to approach this as a couple, maybe plan out some easy responses she could have so they didn’t get into the hard numbers.
Load More Replies... Gavin Johnson 1 year ago
If my partner asks me to hold something in confidence then that’s an end to the discussion, I have no right to question that choice nor shall I break her confidence. Our financial matters are never discussed anywhere but in private, we both respect each others choices and keep quiet. Why would I break that?
Sonja 1 year ago
Because your spouse stands by and watches you struggle, being abused and belittled by your family, doing absolutely nothing to help you defend him against people who you want to love him like you do, just because his little secret is more important to him than helping you get along with your whole family? I'll keep my partners secrets. But I know for sure he'd give them up in a heartbeat if it would hurt me otherwise. So would I was the situation reversed. That's what partners do. They don't stand by and watch each other getting hurt when it only costs them a word to stop it.
Load More Replies... lenka 1 year ago
Soft YTA. Apologise to your husband and go low contact with your family until they learn to respect others.
Lucille 2 1 year ago
Agreed. OP is TA in the best way - she had good, loyal intentions to her partner and is fighting for the right team, but she unfortunately didn’t do it in the best way. Family straight up sucks.
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