“What’s The Worst Thing You’ve Heard Someone Say While Giving A Wedding Toast?” (30 Answers)
Interview With Expert
Giving a toast at a wedding can be a daunting task. In 2022, there were over two million marriages in total in the U.S. That's more than two million chances for a great or terrible speech. Most guests want to hear a speech that's not too long, somewhat humorous, and, most importantly, without any inappropriate remarks toward the bride and groom.
But not every person who makes a wedding toast gets that memo. Most people who have been to a wedding or two have witnessed a speech that made all the guests look sideways and cringe in embarrassment. Wanting to know some of these stories, one netizen decided to ask others to share their wildest stories. "Giving a toast at a wedding is common," the person wrote. "What's the worst thing you've heard someone say while they were giving one?"
"A truly great wedding toast is all about balancing heartfelt emotions with a sprinkle of humor and relatability," wedding planner Jamie Wolfer tells Bored Panda. She gave our readers more tips on how to craft a perfect wedding toast and shared the most memorable speech gone wrong from her years of wedding planning.
More info: Wolfer & Co | Jamie Wolfer on YouTube | The Union Podcast
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At my wedding the best man, who grew up with my husband, was very nervous to give his toast. He began strong talking about their friendship and ended with how he wished us the very best for "as long as they are married". Our friends and family burst out laughing. He faced-palmed and corrected himself. We've been married 46 years and he still hasn't lived it down!
Finally a non cringy one, just nerves and they can all have a laugh about it afterwards...
There are six elements to giving an excellent wedding toast, Jamie Wolfer, a wedding planner at Wolfer & Co., tells Bored Panda. The first two are introduction and expressing gratitude.
"Start by introducing yourself," Wolfer suggests. "The DJ probably already announced your name, so no need to say, 'For those who don't know me...' Just a simple, 'Hi everyone, I'm Jamie, the bride's sister,' works perfectly."
Then, thank the bride and groom for including you in their special day. "You can also thank the parents or anyone who played a significant role in the wedding. It's a great opportunity to show appreciation for the beautiful day, the food, and the company."
I went to a wedding where the best man stood up and gave a speech as follows:
"May your wedding night be like KFC, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and when you're finished, nothing but a greasy box."
The bride and groom were furious. A lot of people laughed. The priest was one of them.
Father of the bride toasting his daughter (he has 2 other daughters as well): "You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart!"
Like what the hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed.
A great toast should be personal to the newlyweds. "Share a funny or sweet story about your relationship with the person you're closest to in the couple," the wedding planner advises. "For example, I once shared a story about my sister and I dressing up in our mom's nightgowns and pretending to be a bride and bridesmaid. It was both nostalgic and funny."
Even if you're not a seasoned veteran of life, offer the newlyweds some wisdom. That can include some heartfelt advice or well-wishes for the couple's future. Keep it genuine, though – no one likes clichés. And to end the toast, close with a salutation. "Something like, 'Now, if everyone can raise a glass to the bride and groom, here's to a lifetime of love and happiness. Cheers!'" Wolfer suggests. "Simple, sweet, and to the point."
The most important thing is to be confident during your speech. "Own that stage!" Jamie says. "Even if you're nervous, fake it till you make it. No one knows if you skip a part, so just keep going."
Best man speech: "Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that's how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person ." and yeah Jackie was not very attractive.
Twatbasket. If the best man is going to insult anyone, it's the groom not the bride
At my sister’s wedding our father said that the only thing that worried him was that she said she wanted six children and everybody knows that one out of every six babies born today is Chinese.
Was he making a joke, or did he think it was a real possibility? I pains me that I need clarification on this haha
My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. He for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion.
Reading some of the other excerpts from best man speeches, it was probably for the best
We also asked Jamie what are some don'ts when it comes to giving a toast to the newlyweds. First, avoid inside jokes. "I know, inside jokes can be hilarious, but remember, you're speaking to a room full of people, not just your best friend," Jamie says. "If you must include one, make sure it's something that can be easily understood by the majority of the audience."
Drunk maid of (dis)honor disclosed that she’d hat-tricked the bride - slept with new husband (before he and bride started dating but still, and bride was unaware), bride’s brother, and bride’s dad. She started out great but was too drunk to read her prepared notes and decided to wing it instead. That first dance after dinner was pretty awkward, as bride’s parents were very much married, and during it everyone in the room silently did the math on her conquests based on pertinent details and realized she wasn’t 18 for any of the 3 encounters.
I was at a table of people who all kinda disliked the bride and even we all felt awful for her, it was so bad.
Wedding cost more than my current house, and was held at a yacht club that revoked the family’s membership on a morality clause the following day.
A whole table full of people who "kinda disliked the bride"!? I mean that's not a good sign to start with.
Best man went on and on about how hot the bride was, and how she had nice boobs. Then ended with “breast wishes” to the couple. It was so awkward.
The father of the bride said my daughters brought some losers over the years and this is the worst one , but...
"Don't be crass," Wolfer moves on to the second rule. "Keep it classy, folks. This isn't the time to share that wild story from the bachelor or bachelorette party. Be sensitive to the couple's wishes and avoid any profanity or inappropriate anecdotes that might make Grandma blush."
One mistake that some people make before giving a toast is indulging in some serious drinking. "Don't drink too much before your speech," Wolfer warns. "A little liquid courage might seem like a good idea, but it can quickly turn into a rambling, awkward mess. Trust me, everyone will thank you for keeping it together."
My father opened his speech at my sister's wedding with "now, I know you have both been married before, but this time, perhaps things will work out".
Best man said, "I hope you (speaking to the bride) are well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight!" I'm not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy and the mother looked mortified.
Started giving a long, tearful speech about LGBTQ rights.
She was straight, the couple getting married was straight, and pretty much everyone in attendance was progressive. She was just using her brother's wedding to virtue signal. Yes, everyone here thinks gay people should be able to get married... not sure what that has to do with *this* couple whose toast you're giving at this exact moment...
And if someone would point out the inappropriate in her making this speach at someone elses wedding you would probably get a response like "why do you hate gay people?"
The wedding planner advises those who give a toast to also stay on time. "Respect the clock. A good toast is short and sweet. Aim for around 3-5 minutes. If you start rambling, you'll lose the audience's attention faster than you can say 'cheers.'"
Her other piece of advice is to practice. "Don't wing it. Even if you're a natural speaker, a well-practiced toast will always come off better. Run through it a few times in front of a mirror or with a friend to get comfortable with your material."
My friend’s father (father of the bride) just listed off everything he didn’t like about the groom in his speech at her wedding. So something like “well you’re not a doctor, you don’t have all of your hair, and you’re not the smartest man she’s dated. But welcome to the family I guess.” Suuuuuuper awkward. The grooms family took the opposite direction and gushed about how much they loved my friend. Made the father look even worse in comparison.
Best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of “if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with on the last night, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly a*s.”
They didn’t make it to their honeymoon.
This is the story of a toast spiraling out of control. Couple in their early sixties got married in Houston, TX. Drinks were served prior to dinner. At dinner, the now-wife’s cousin rose, somewhat unsteadily, took the microphone and began her toast of the newlyweds. I remember it started fine and I wasn’t really paying attention because I barely knew anyone involved; just platitudes about the happy couple.
My ears perked up - and I started to greatly enjoy the wedding - when she started talking about Jesus. So much Jesus. And so suddenly! One minute it was “I love my cousin and she looks so happy”. The next was “Praise Jesus and only He can protect the divine institution of marriage for it is to Him that we give our hearts and it is Jesus to whom we hold most dear and to Jesus that we must repent our sins . . . .” Etc. Etc.
Meanwhile, one or more of her relatives, who clearly had had enough of her s**t, were trying to politely and unobtrusively get within snatching distance of the microphone. But Jesus did indeed have the Cousin’s back that day and she was able to weave and dodge, all while increasing the volume of her prayers to a Jesus that she clearly considered to be both all powerful and deaf.
It was magnificent. And it was the groom who eventually was able to gently coax the microphone out of the Cousin’s hands and she triumphantly went back to her table where she spent the rest of the night getting sozzled on cheap wine.
All-in-all, 14/10 as far as weddings go.
This next tip might surprise some people, but knowing how to hold a microphone is also important when giving a speech. "Think Rockstar, not Ice Cream Cone," Wolfer quips. "If you hold it too low or too far away, no one will hear you, and if you're too close, it'll be all garbled. Aim for that sweet spot."
If you're giving a toast, there's always the obligatory raise of the glass. So don't forget your drink when you walk up to the stage. "When it's time to toast, make sure you have your glass ready. If you forget, no biggie—just raise an imaginary one and keep the humor light," Jamie advises.
Mother’s cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. This was a New Jersey Italian-American wedding, where the groom’s family all hated the bride.
He said, “I wish [groom] and [bride] a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen.”.
Why even go to the wedding if you are so against it and determined to ruin it for the couple?
Cuz you're determined to ruin it for the couple.
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My dad is hilarious and loving, but public speaking isn't his strong suit. At my younger sister's wedding a few years ago, he gave this rambling speech where he described her as a "plane that just taxied on the runway forever, and you wondered if it would ever take off." He was trying to say she was a late bloomer, but he made this hand motion of a plane just stuck on the runway. We gave him so much grief for that because he basically told everyone she didn't "blossom" until she met her husband, who's the life of the party.
Fast forward to my wedding a few months ago. I jokingly told him he needed to step up his game after my sister's speech. I was sure he'd put more effort into mine after all the teasing he got. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying, "but I don't think she turned out to be." I spent the rest of my wedding night fake laughing at everyone's autism jokes. Thanks, Dad.
"I was feeling a little nervous before my speech but I've just ripped a giant line in the bathroom and I'm feeling much better" - The Bestman
I thought it was great, literally noone else laughed.
A good rule of thumb about what to include and exclude in your speech is to check with the couple. "Respect [their] boundaries," Wolfer warns. "Ask the couple if there's anything they don't want mentioned. This is their day, and the last thing you want is to bring up a touchy subject or an embarrassing moment they’d rather forget."
A joint parents' toast that cleverly, relentlessly, and at-length hinted at the desire for grandchildren pronto. Really wonderful couple, went on to face heartbreaking infertility and loss. I hope they don't remember it.
Father of the bride made negative comments about couples having sex before marriage and said "we used to call him our SIN in law".
Reception at a country club with a golf course.
A lot of the friends and family were members.
Father of the bride explains how she was conceived on the green at hole 9.
Jamie also kindly agreed to share the most memorable toast of her wedding planning career. "One toast that still lives rent-free in my head was at a wedding where the best man decided to go full comedy roast mode. He started off strong, thanking everyone for coming and then diving straight into some light-hearted jabs at the groom."
"But then he took it a step further and pulled out a slideshow of the groom's most embarrassing moments, complete with captions and sound effects."
The father of the bride said "I'll try not to despise my son-in-law as much as I used to" and laughed hard.
I was the best man, I was giving a toast after the father of the bride, who recounted in his toast that she was born on a Middle Eastern US military base while he was serving and how he could have sold her to some sheikh. That was a hell of an act to follow.
My dad almost sold my sister in Egypt. Local guy said he'd buy her for 500 camels. My dad joked that he'd only take 1,000 camels. The tour guide put a stop to it immediately saying that if they made a verbal agreement it'd be legally binding. My dad has never lived it down.
The best man was drunk af, quoted Hitler, and dropped the mic 3 times.
"The groom was a good sport about it, laughing along with everyone else, but you could see his cheeks getting redder by the second. The whole room was in stitches, and even the bride was wiping away tears of laughter. It was one of those moments where the humor was just right—nothing too crass or over the top, just genuinely funny and a little bit roasty."
Best man. “They say weddings are all about love and honor. I don’t know much about love, but as for honor… get on her and stay on her!”
Everyone cringed so hard, especially their parents and grandparents.
The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. He wore a costume. He talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. He brought in a guitar player that he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal.
At my wedding my lifelong friend, whom with I had a completely platonic and non romantic relationship with, got up and gave a very drunk, very love professing speech to me in front of a large room full of people she had never met.
She cried and said that the day was such a sad day because she had to let go of the one she was meant to spend her future with.
Maybe not the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said in a wedding speech, but definitely the worst for mine because it kinda changed the vibe for a little bit xD everything was good to go by the time the wife and I got to our honeymoon that night though lmao.
Guess you thought it was platonic but it wasn't really, not from her perspective
However, the speech did have a happy ending. "When the best man wrapped it up with a heartfelt message about how much the groom meant to him and how happy he was to see him marrying the love of his life. It was the perfect balance of humor and sentimentality, and it left a lasting impression on everyone there."
The bride and groom had been friends for a year and part of the same social circle. Group was supposed to go to a concert but due to circumstances, only the bride and groom showed up, got drunk, hooked up and the rest is history.
One of the groomsmen told the story about how if he hadn't gotten drunk the night before he would have went to the concert and she would be marrying him instead.
It might have sounded better in his mind but it came off as selfish and jealous.
My wife has multiple female cousins and we’ve been going to their weddings for the past few years as they all get hitched. My two favorite so far:
1: maid of honor/older sister gave a quick blurb about the newlyweds and then talked about herself for 5 minutes. I actually predicted she would do this beforehand and my wife got mad at me for it.
2: same maid of honor/older sister along with brides twin sister putting on a two women skit about how bride is actually a secret agent (code names and all) and her mission is to capture the groom. 10 minutes of solid cringe.
It was me. I was the best man at my brother's wedding. I said, "Here's to hoping this straightens him out!" - Spoiler: It didn't.
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Jamie also shares another story that went a bit off the rails. "At one event, the bride's brother, bless his heart, got a bit too tipsy before his best man speech. He started by thanking everyone for coming, then went on to thank the grandparents for 'doing what they did' with air quotes, and then the parents for 'doing what they did' so we could all be there."
"It was a bit of a mess, and he ended it with 'God bless the mashed potatoes' before stumbling off the dance floor. The whole room erupted in laughter, and it became a family legend, but it was definitely not what he had planned!"
What i get from most of these is dont let anyone drunk or not make any speeches at your wedding. Got it! 👍
I, the bride, somehow made it to the toast portion of the evening without even knowing I was supposed to give a speech. My father, yes. Best man, yes. My maid of honor, yes. Me? Not sure how it slipped my mind, but when the microphone ended up in my hands, I fumbled through the obligatory, "thank you for being here today," messages before a very pregnant pause and, softly, "mawwiage" into the mic. Just that. No speech after like the pastor in the movie. Just the one word. Then I passed the microphone off and sat down hysterically laughing.
I have a big family and our parents often ran through the names until they found ours. This was always a running joke amongst the children in our family. Cue the toasts at the wedding of brother #8, who is the middle in a set of triplets, and the only person that got his name right in a toast was another triplet. The third triplet even called him by the wrong name before correcting himself. It was kinda funny, but also kinda cringe-worthy.
I have an idiot cousin with 7 kids he'll never afford to educate. I do think it's pretty funny, however, that they call them by number. "Hey, 7 - get out of the pool"
Load More Replies... At my cousin's wedding the best man accidentally said his brother's ex-wife's name at the beginning of his speech instead of his new wife. Our aunt just ERUPTED about how it was just like the moment in Friends. Wife's side of the family were not American and there was a ripple on that side as people who understood what had happened informed people that hadn't. The most embarrassing thing I've ever seen happen to anyone.
A few bad ones I've heard... Bride's sister was maid of honor. Bride had a couple kids from a previous marriage. "When (bride) started dating (groom) I was pretty spectacle [not a typo, she said spectacle] but her kids like him, so I guess it's okay." Groom's brother was best man. "When I saw them up there professing their love, it reminded me of my own wedding, when I looked at my wife and asked if you weren't knocked up, would you even be here?"
Completely dry wedding because not enough of either of our families drink to bother with that cost. My Dad started off with a nice speech, lost the thread of why he was up there talking, and started telling everyone about the time he punched a hole in the wall when my sibling and I were arguing.
they could restrain themselves at least out of respect for the costs of a wedding and for the fact you meet people there who rarely appear otherwise.
I'm wedding-ignorant. Is it acceptable to vet the toasts beforehand, and insist on everyone sticking to script? I mean, there is something to be said for spontaneity, but there is also much to be said for restricting these loose cannons.
How I got paid for my MOH speech: sis and BIL attended a wedding where the best man followed the MOH speech with “What she just said. Git-r-done.” Sis said don’t you dare say that at our wedding. FBIL said I’ll pay you $200 to say it. Yep, I used Git-r-done in my speech. But it was a proper speech and almost made my sister cry happy tears.
What i get from most of these is dont let anyone drunk or not make any speeches at your wedding. Got it! 👍
I, the bride, somehow made it to the toast portion of the evening without even knowing I was supposed to give a speech. My father, yes. Best man, yes. My maid of honor, yes. Me? Not sure how it slipped my mind, but when the microphone ended up in my hands, I fumbled through the obligatory, "thank you for being here today," messages before a very pregnant pause and, softly, "mawwiage" into the mic. Just that. No speech after like the pastor in the movie. Just the one word. Then I passed the microphone off and sat down hysterically laughing.
I have a big family and our parents often ran through the names until they found ours. This was always a running joke amongst the children in our family. Cue the toasts at the wedding of brother #8, who is the middle in a set of triplets, and the only person that got his name right in a toast was another triplet. The third triplet even called him by the wrong name before correcting himself. It was kinda funny, but also kinda cringe-worthy.
I have an idiot cousin with 7 kids he'll never afford to educate. I do think it's pretty funny, however, that they call them by number. "Hey, 7 - get out of the pool"
Load More Replies... At my cousin's wedding the best man accidentally said his brother's ex-wife's name at the beginning of his speech instead of his new wife. Our aunt just ERUPTED about how it was just like the moment in Friends. Wife's side of the family were not American and there was a ripple on that side as people who understood what had happened informed people that hadn't. The most embarrassing thing I've ever seen happen to anyone.
A few bad ones I've heard... Bride's sister was maid of honor. Bride had a couple kids from a previous marriage. "When (bride) started dating (groom) I was pretty spectacle [not a typo, she said spectacle] but her kids like him, so I guess it's okay." Groom's brother was best man. "When I saw them up there professing their love, it reminded me of my own wedding, when I looked at my wife and asked if you weren't knocked up, would you even be here?"
Completely dry wedding because not enough of either of our families drink to bother with that cost. My Dad started off with a nice speech, lost the thread of why he was up there talking, and started telling everyone about the time he punched a hole in the wall when my sibling and I were arguing.
they could restrain themselves at least out of respect for the costs of a wedding and for the fact you meet people there who rarely appear otherwise.
I'm wedding-ignorant. Is it acceptable to vet the toasts beforehand, and insist on everyone sticking to script? I mean, there is something to be said for spontaneity, but there is also much to be said for restricting these loose cannons.
How I got paid for my MOH speech: sis and BIL attended a wedding where the best man followed the MOH speech with “What she just said. Git-r-done.” Sis said don’t you dare say that at our wedding. FBIL said I’ll pay you $200 to say it. Yep, I used Git-r-done in my speech. But it was a proper speech and almost made my sister cry happy tears.
